Sunday and relaxing at Starbucks and some thoughts on who I am and this side of my life

It is Sunday and I plan to spend the afternoon and evening as Susan. I have thought a lot about it over the years and my need to dress and express my feminine side, don’t get me wrong I still don’t have all the answers about this side of myself. Again this is my views and how I look at being transgender and in no way means it is correct for everyone, just me. The thing I do know is I do have a need; it is called Gender dysphoria. Now a lot of people associate this with transexuals, those who fully want to transition to full time and have surgeries to make their bodies correct. Now I don’t want to oversimplify tis or make it seem irrelevant but to make it so most people can understand it think of it as the flu. Some people get the flu and they are really sick and need to go to the hospital and get lots of medication and others can rest a day and be fine with little medication. Those who are transexual need to completely realign their bodies and life to match who they feel they truly are, yes the hospital (surgeries) and medications (hormones). There is also a big part that of the transgender community that doesn’t need all that, they have a milder form of gender dysphoria and they can deal with it by expressing part time, these are what society generally calls Crossdressers but we really are more then that, we are transgender also. Some can fill this need with dressing a few times a year or wearing female under garments under their male clothes, others need to express it more often and more complete.

For me personally I can be happy with who I am if I can express this side of myself every few weeks, yes I do dress several times a week but that is because I enjoy it and my female side is a big part of who I am. What I mean by every few weeks is if I go longer then that I get a little irritable, stressed out and yes it affects my sleep, this is the physical effect this side of my life has on me. Think of something in your life you really enjoy, is really important to you, that you look forward to doing and now imagine how you would feel if that went away or you could never do it again and how you would feel. Now yes I have had my toenails painted for many years and for over 2 years now I have had short acrylic nails and yes that does help some as I can see them but the main reason I do this is I like them. I still need that time every so often to truly express this side of me and for Transexuals that is all the time every day. There is a part to this about how I interact with the world around me and how they interact with me. This is not about politics or religion it is about the person I am and who you are as a person. What I want and most transgender people want is to be their true self and accepted and left alone. When I am out I don’t expect everyone around me to come over and talk to me and cheer me on or want to be my best friend, although I do love it when people talk to me. I just want to be able to go about my day like anyone else and be treated with the same respect. If you feel uncomfortable around me that is fine just go about your business and I will do the same as we all have people in this world we may not see eye to eye with but we need to respect them. just some of my personal random thoughts and again is not how everyone thinks or views life.

Well as I said it is Sunday and part of my Sunday is Susan time. I try to express this side of myself 3 times a week, Wednesday night dinners, Saturday afternoons when I am just out and about and Sundays. Sundays really are more about me though. I grew up with wonderful parents and Sunday was always a Family Day, church in the morning and then family time in the afternoon with a family dinner. When my parents went into assisted living the family time and dinner was at my house. When my parents passed away it was still important for me to continue this I just added Susan to the mix. I think that is why I go to the same Starbucks every Sunday as in a way it does give me that sense of family. I usually go for a couple hours give or take between 2 and 6 but there is also another reason. Over the years Susan has become more then just an expression of who I am, she is part of who I am and for that as Susan I need to interact with the world not just sit in my house. I do find it hard to just dress at home, yes I will on occasion put on some makeup at home or even do a full-face makeup but when I completely transform myself there is a need to go out and yes it can be as simple as a couple hours at Starbuck, a trip to the grocery store or to get fast food. I am not sure why I feel this way but I think it is because doing something other than sitting at home give purpose and meaning to this side of who I am. That is why I think I have turned over some things in my life to my female side, shopping and taking care of my finances. I think it is important for us all to find that purpose or meaning in our life.

I got dressed today and was ready by 2:30 and got my usual pictures before going to Starbucks. They were a little busy but one table was opened along the window by Ryan, I met him here over a year ago and he usually talks with me. I have actually met several people here I see and talk with which I think goes back to that sense of family time. I got my drink and sat down and Ryan and I talked briefly before I started working on my blog from Saturday which is another reason I like to come to Starbucks as I like writing about this side of my life when I am living this side of my life. Ryan left about 30 minutes later and it thinned out and the tables opened up. Soon I was the only one sitting by the window and a lady came in and sat down at the table right next to me which I always view as a positive. We didn’t talk as she was doing what looked like schoolwork but she still sat next to me. she did sneeze a couple times and I said God bless you both times as it is an easy way to interact and she thanked me both times but that was it. I finished and posted my blog and went on to other work as it is a relaxing way to spend some time.

It was a little after 5pm and the lady next to me started packing up to leave, as she got up she asked if I was finished with my drink and I said yes and she offered to throw my cup away with hers which I thought was nice and I thanked her. As she got her stuff to leave she wished me a good evening and I did the same. Now I was thinking maybe she wanted to talk with me but wasn’t sure how to start the conversation which I can understand. Maybe I will see her here again. I stayed bout 15minutes more before I left. I made a quick stop at the store to pick some stuff up and get something for dinner before going home for the night. It was a short outing as Susan but a good one.

At hoe I made dinner and watched Netflix. I have wanted to see the second Mama Mia movie here we go again as I loved the first one but ended up watch both the first one and then the second one. Now I will admit the first one is better but the second one gives you information about how the first one started, mainly how she met the 3 men and got to where she was so yes watch both of them, plus I love ABBA music. It was a good day and now I am looking forward to our Wednesday night dinner at Old Spaghetti Factory on the Willamette River.

Thanks for reading my blog and sharing this part of my life and remember the views expressed in my blog are mine alone.

Thursday night at the nail salon

It is Thursday night and I am going to the nails salon for a pedicure and fill. Now I really don’t need one as both my toes and fingers look great still although my finger nails are getting a little long. This really is the one problem I have with getting my nails done with acrylic. I really could go 3 weeks between fills but they get pretty long by then at least for my male side. Even my pedicure held up well 6 weeks and no chips but it is all about timing. You see 4 weeks from today I will be back at Dream Nails for a pedicure and a full set of long acrylic nails for my trip to Diva Las Vegas. I got home and called Dream nails to get an appointment and Anna could get me in at 5 so I had about 1 ½ hours to get ready.

I took my time getting ready, I really like it more when I am not rushed. I know some people think it is strange to spend that much time getting ready just to go to the nail salon or a few hours at Starbuck’s and even I can’t explain it other than I enjoy it. Now I had my makeup done and still had time so I decided to wear my corset for the evening as I really do like the way it makes my waist look and really it is really comfortable other then in and out of the car and maybe a long drive in the car. I got to Dream nails just before 5 and went in, they were really slow tonight, only 1 lady getting a pedicure so Anna was ready to start. Of course, I had to pick a color for my toes, I went with a purple color this time.

Anna started on my nails and it is such a relaxing feeling to have someone do your nails. As she worked we talked a little. She asked if I wanted the deluxe pedicure tonight which I have done once before, as I said it was slow and Anna said it had been slow all week so I am sure they were looking for more services to do. I think it is that time of year as taxes are do in a couple weeks and also property taxes in a little over a month so people are probably a little tighter with their money. Any way I decided to go for the deluxe pedicure, $20 more but it is really relaxing. The main difference is they use a scented lotion and creams and even sent the water, I went with Lavender. They also put a cream on your leg and then wrap it in a hot towel for a while and also give your foot a paraffin wax treatment to soften your feet plus I think the message your legs and feet longer. Not something I would do all the time as it would get expensive but will probably do again in 4 weeks right before Diva Las Vegas and the same for the Cruise this fall.

As Anna did my nails another lady came in and she also got her nails done and was at the next table to me so we did talk a little about nails. It really is an enjoyable experience. I tell everyone you need to get a pedicure and acrylic nails at least once just to experience it and I got a feeling you will probably do it more often once you try it. Anna did a great job on my nails and soon they were just as pretty but a little shorter. Now it was time for my pedicure.

Kathy was once again doing my pedicure, Anna and Kathy always do a wonderful job as do all the people here and I have had several of them do my nails at one time or another. It is funny as I did come here a few times early on but I have been coming here every 2 to 3 weeks now for 2 years and I will have had acrylic nails now for 11 months although thinner than most woman and of course no pretty colors but they still look great. Now as I said I wore my corset today and sitting at the table getting my nails done was fine but sitting in the pedicure chair was not as comfortable, note to self when getting a pedicure, no corset. Kathy did a wonderful job on my feet and it was so relaxing, the deluxe pedicure is the way to go if you can. Normally it takes about an hour to get my fill and pedicure but it was closer to 1 ½ hours. Now partly because the deluxe pedicure takes longer but I have noticed that if they are busy then tend to rush a little more to get people through and this is just not Dream Nails but all nail salons I have gone to and I have talked to others and they say the same. If you do want to get your nails done my two tips, get an appointment and try to avoid really busy times. It was time for the polish and Kathy put the first coat on and as it dried it last all its shine, to say the least I was not happy at the color I had picked but I figured in 4 weeks I would change it. Kathy put a second coat on and the same and then the top coat. The top coat did put a nice shine on it and to my surprise it really looked great and really shiny, turns out it was a great choice. It was 6:30 when I left the Dream Nails

After my nail appointment went across the street to Starbuck’s as I had about 1 ½ hours till they closed and did some work and caught up on some e-mails. Some of the e-mails were questions I get asked from other transgender and non-transgender and probably the most asked is why I do this. There is no simple answer to this, I have talked with other crossdressers and there is no defining thing or moment in our lives we can point to and say this is it, this is why. We just do. Why do some people like chocolate and others don’t? why do some people like sports and others don’t? why do some men have facial hair and others don’t? why do some woman wear dresses, have long hair or nails and others don’t? In the end it comes down to personal preference and that is it. I am more comfortable this way even though when I am out I really am not thinking about how I am dressed. I really don’t know why, I do know that when I dress I do try to emulate what I find attractive in women. The other thing people think is I must be gay and from what I have learned most (75% or more) are straight males. Their dressing has nothing to do with their sexual attraction. As I said for me I try to emulate what I find attractive and for me that is the female body, shape, form, and look. Hair on a body, arms, chest is not at all attractive and I do everything I can to have a smooth clean body.

The other question is am I going to, or when will I transition an d the answer to that is I am not going to as that is not right for me. Now these are my thoughts and observations on these things and I am by no means an expert so remember that before you tell me I am wrong. Talking with both transsexuals and crossdressers there seems to be some common thing and things that are specific to just one. Both have a need to be feminine (or other sex depending on if you are MTF or FTM). The difference is about your body. Transsexuals need to physically be the other gender, they feel their body is wrong. Crossdressers need to present, be accepted as the other gender. From just looking at them you can’t tell as it is all about how they see themselves.

Now for me yes when I am Susan I would love to have real breast, hips, narrower shoulder, 5 to 7 inches shorter, no bulge between my legs but it is because of how it looks and how people see me, it is not about my body being wrong, it is the outward appearance. When I am not Susan I don’t think about it and is I did have real breast then I would be crossdressing the other way as when I was not Susan I would need to bind them down to hid them. Now I do know some crossdressers that have told me they would love to have breast and they would if they could but again there is that key words, love to have them not they their body is wrong or they are not truly who they are without them. It’s like saying I would love to have a million dollars and doing what I can to get it, verse having to have a million dollar to feel you are complete. The way I look at it is if I won 10 million dollars tomorrow how would my life change. For me I would dress as Susan most of the time, pierce my ears, have long acrylic nails and maybe even grow my hair out, surgery not something I would do. A transsexual the first thing on their list would be surgery. Now this is a simple way of looking at it and there is more to t than this but it is a good start and what I have learned.

Wow got a little off topic but that’s okay. Starbucks was a little slow tonight but a relaxing time while I gave the polish on my toes time to fully dry. After Starbucks I went through the drive thru and then home. It was a relaxing 4 hours.

Thanks for reading and be sure and see what’s new with Susan on my most recent blog.

Relaxing night at home

Well this is an unusual blog for me tonight as I usually don’t blog about non Susan things but tonight I am just relaxing at home as my male self, but decided to give myself a pedicure. Not as much fun as going to the salon and getting one but my toes were looking pretty bad and as I have a Christmas party to go to Saturday night I wanted pretty toes for it. Now there are advantages to doing your own pedicure at home. While I was soaking my feet it gave me a chance to shave my legs and get them silky smooth also. It is funny how I can so look forward to a party like this and start getting ready days in advance and planning what to wear. Something men never do.

Well after my legs were done and my feet soft and nails trimmed it was time to paint them. I picked a Fuchsia color as I tend to like the red colors. It is funny that something as simple as painting your nails can be so relaxing and calming. It is a shame that men cannot do such things without society judging them as different. Any way I have my dress all picked out, my little black one that I love and don’t get to wear that often. I did look for a new dress when I was out Christmas shopping but didn’t find one. These are all the wonderful things that I enjoy about being Susan.

Well I spent about an hour between shaving, soaking and painting my toe nails and now they look beautiful for the weekend. Any way I am now relaxing on the couch and playing on my computer and I came across a movie about Crossdressing/transvestites. It is called Just like a woman that was made in 1992, and looks like a British movie. Now I have seen lots of movies that deal with Transsexuals, Crossdressing and gender bending but this one I just thought was done well as it shows what a lot of crossdressers go through and what they feel and yes it is specifically about crossdressing. It is 105 minutes long and believe it or not you can watch the whole thing on YouTube, it is in 10 parts though. I have included the links below in case you want to check it out, it actually might be a good movie to show someone to help explain Crossdressing. . Well my nails are dry now and all ready to go out and show them off.

Thanks for reading

Just like a woman

Gerald is a yuppie-like transvestite in his thirties. His wife arrives home earlier than expected and discovers female attire spread over their apartment. Not knowing anything about his habit, she misinterprets this and throws him (and the attire) out of their home and marriage. He rents a room in Monica’s house, recently divorced and around 50. Their relation- ship evolves from landlady/tenant over friends to lovers. Monica learns about, begins to understand and finally appreciates and supports Gerald- ine, Gerald’s alter ego. His transvestitism, a rarely filmed

Part 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UC7Rg43ySxQ&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pjPrBhJx_I&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR5Pa5MERlc&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJAB5Dt6Mbs&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Il4BoNn9Rbc&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 6 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hu3g-y_qa8Y&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 7 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dhxjtc-L3F8&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCJpkF9hHLk&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 9 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLdl0vnK71c&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 10 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7cVHA3UZqg&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Made it to Starbucks again finally

Well it has been another busy week for my male self. I was planning on coming to Starbuck’s tomorrow night but I have a meeting so at the last minute I decided tonight was my chance. I got all dressed up and was out the door earlier than normal when I come here so actually made it before 7. They are all done with their remodel and it really looks nice inside. They are also pretty busy as there was only one table open and I had to stand in line. The cool thing is it is almost all women here tonight only 3 men and about 15 women so I guess Starbuck’s tonight is a ladies night out.

It is strange as it has been awhile since I have been here. Looking back through my blog, one of the cool things about having a blog I can see the last time I was here was 5 weeks ago. For some reason I was thinking it had only been 3 weeks, my how time flies. It is relaxing to sit here and play on my computer, surf the internet, catch up on e-mails while enjoying a nice warm drink. It really is amazing how relaxing and comfortable I feel here.

I have been reading some of my friend’s blogs and posts on their facebook page about Diva Las Vegas. It sounds like they all had such a fun time and so many great pictures. I can’t wait for the Diva Las Vegas web page to post all the pictures. They usually give as month or two for people who attended to submit their pictures and then the same for those who attended to check them out and request to remove any of the ones with them in it as some girls want or need privacy and I know we have all been there at one time or another. I hope they will have them on their page by the fall. You can always check out the past years as they really have a lot of picture. It is a really fun week if you ever want to take a vacation as a girl.

Now I have gotten a few e-mails from other t-girls who I assume are just starting out wondering why I like to dress and I guess why they like to dress. I have done a lot of thinking on this over the years and all I can say is there is no one answers for everyone. We are all individuals and as such the reasons I dress may or may not be the same for others. There are some common areas that talking with other crossdressers I have found. Mostly it just feels right, I find it very relaxing. I can dress up as Susan and for a few hours I really am a different person, not a duel or split personality as I choose when and am always in control kind of like an actor or actress would play a part. But it is a great way to get away from any problems or issues in my life, what I call my mini vacations. As Susan I have a group of friends that are separate from my male side and his friends. It really is a great hobby and that is just how I view it. I have friends who play sports, camp, hike, fish, cook or any number of things to relax and for me it is being Susan. There really is no difference other than I think my hobby is way more fun. By the way I also like to camp, hike, fish and play some sports just my Susan time is the most fun for me.

Now as I said there are differences, one of the biggest for me is pictures. My male side hates his picture being taken but Susan loves the camera. It really is funny as I was going through all my pictures on my computer and it really shows. I found two pictures of my male self, both with an ex-girlfriend from 7 years ago, that is it. Now on the other hand Susan has over 2,000 pictures dating back to when I first started dressing which by the way is pre digital camera. Back when I would take pictures and have to have the film developed and then I would scan them into my computer before destroying the picture. I so love digital cameras so much easier and way cheaper. I was talking with some of my friends last week at the P-Club about this and it is funny as most of them are the same. Very few picture of their male self but hundreds if not thousands of their female side. I think girls are just more photogenic.

Now even with the differences between how I act and dress deep down I am the same person. I think the same, now I will admit that I probably lean more to the female gender (feelings) but I think that is just normal for me, I tend to have a softer side and outlook on life. I like pretty things and I like all kinds of movies from the action adventure to what most people would call a chick flick. I really think it makes me a more rounded person as I can see both sides and enjoy it all. Sharing both male and female sides gives one a unique perspective on life in general.

It is funny as today at work there was a couple arguing and the woman told the guy with her, “you just don’t understand what woman deal with” and I was thinking to myself maybe he does. I know I don’t understand everything about being a woman but I do know a lot. It is hard work to always look good, makeup, hair, clothes. My male side can get up in the morning, eat a bowl of cereal. Shower and dress and be out the door in less than thirty minutes. Susan on the other hand needs a lot more time. Just my makeup can take 30 minutes or more.

Well must get back to my e-mails now. This Friday I will of course be out with my friends at the P-Club. We go there every week but for me it is not about where we go but spending time with my friends as that is so important. I really think having good friends to spend time with and it does not matter if you are male, female or transgender is what makes life awesome and fun and keeps you healthy and happy. So that is my tip for a healthy happy life, make some good friends and remember a friendship is just like a relationship, there will be good and bad times and it takes work but the work is well worth the effort because a true friend is always there for you.

Have a great rest of the week.

Why do we crossdress or do anything for that matter.

I was reading another blog the other day and in the blog she had wrote about searching for crossdressing blogs and then when you get to the blog finding out it hasn’t been updated in some cases for years and how frustrating that was to her. This got me thinking why we do what we do the things we do. To me it came down to three things, it is either a routine, a need or a want. And this goes pretty much for whatever we do in life. In the case of the blog it all depends on why one starts a blog and what their goal is with it.

It can be hard to come up with fresh ideas to write about so if that was your goal for your blog well you may not have things to say. When this happens to me I always go back to why I started my blog in the first place. my blog is for me, not that I don’t want or like others reading it I really do and I love the feedback and comments I get, but the goal of my blog was really an online diary of my time as Susan for me to keep track of my time out, places I went and people I have met. Now I will be the first to admit that a lot of my posts are pretty similar, after all how much can one write about going to Starbuck’s once a week, but it fits with my reason for the blog? If I only posted new things and wonderful insight into crossdressing and gender issues I would have very few posts.

Let’s start with doing things because of routines. This can be good or bad as most things are. You have to look at the things you are doing and see if  your doing it because of routine is good or bad. In the morning I have the same routine, get up eat breakfast, shower, shave, brush my teeth moisturize my face (very important as it keeps me young looking), get dressed and leave. The good point of this is doing it the same way I never forget something and really don’t have to think about it which is good in the morning when you are still sleepy. I also have a routine for how I do my makeup and become Susan; these are good routines to have. I also have a routine of going out Friday nights with my friends. This is something I really look. The bad part of this routine is when I miss a Friday night I am sad as it throws my whole week off as my friends are such an important part of my life.

Now let’s talk need. We all need things in life, food, money, clothes (in my cased male and female clothes), and place to live. I also have a need to be Susan as she is part of me part of who I am. I could no easier give Susan up than I could any of the other things listed above. This is something a lot of people don’t understand. Who we are is made up of everything about us. My views on life, stress, the way I interact with people, the way I treat others is all based on who I am inside and that is both male and female. Now for comparison let’s look at athletes, take a runner for example. I have several friends who run all the time; you could almost call it a religious thing for them. It is part of their routine, on the days they don’t run they are distracted and don’t focus. It is funny as some days just from how the act I can tell they didn’t get their morning run in. they also have a need to run, after all why would anyone get up an hour early every day and go out running in the cold, wet snowy weather. Their need shapes who they are just like my crossdressing. The need can be mental or physical. For me I sleep way better the nights after I have crossrdessed as I am so relaxed. The longer I go without crossdressing the more I think about it which is distracting as I don’t focus on things I need to do, also at night when I try to go to sleep I am thinking about crossdressing and when, if I will get to dress again which makes it hard to clear my mind and get a good night sleep.

Now let’s talk want. For me I want to crossdress, I like it, it is fun and I enjoy it. No one does things they don’t want to for very long. Being Susan is part of my life’s routine, Susan is a need I have but she is also something I want for my life. Again runners want to run, they like it, they like the way it feels and makes them feel. Let’s talk smoking now, I don’t smoke so the only information I have is friends who do and it is funny because as bad as smoking is for you it fits into these three categories too. I have asked some of them why they smoke and guess what it is a habit something they just do without thinking (routine). There is an addiction to the chemicals in the cigarettes (need). In most cases they like smoking, then look, feel, or feeling they get from it (want). Now like anything the only way to stop is removing one or all three of these things. My friends that have quit smoking successfully the key was they wanted to quit. Stopping anything because someone else want you to or tells you to will not work the only way you can stop something is if it is what you want.

I like being Susan, it doesn’t harm anyone, and it really doesn’t affect anyone else. It is something I do for myself. I love having pretty painted toe nails. I love the styles of clothes woman get to wear and also the shoes. I love makeup from the putting it on and doing different looks to just wearing it. I love long hair but as a guy for work I can’t have my hair long. I don’t want to be a woman full time and would never want to physically change my body but yes I would dress this way more if I had the chance. If it suddenly became accepted for men to have long pretty nails I would be the first in line to get acrylic nails and they would be painted and pretty all the time. If guys could wear dresses and no one would think twice about it I would wear dresses and skirts most days as I think they look better and are more comfortable to me. It is all just personal choice. I am sure there are a number of woman out there (I dated one for awhile) that hate dresses, and heel. Why it is okay for a woman to hate dresses and heels and no one wonders about them but if a guy likes these same thing they think he is strange.

Personal freedom and choice is what this country is all about. We are made up of different religions, races, beliefs and yet we all accept these things about each other but boy let a guy put on a dress or makeup and the world will end. I just don’t understand it. Now I am not saying you have to like the same things I do or even do the things I do. Just please accept me for me and not how I look or dress.

The last thing is a question for all of you who might read this. If one of your best friends or a family member suddenly told you they were a crossdresser, how would it affect your friendship or relationship with them? Now before you answer I know there will be an effect and it will change a little but would it end your friendship or could you stay friends with them?

What triggers my crossdressing?

Hi all I am at Starbucks for my normal Wednesday night out and I thought I would write about more than just my being out this week. I have gotten a few e-mails asking me what triggers my need to crossdress so I thought I would see what I could come up with as I really haven’t thought of it that way. I have done some thinking about it and please remember this is only my view and how it is for me, I cannot answer for anyone else.

I don’t know if I really have a trigger as such as I get out on a pretty regular basis. What I can tell you is my time as Susan is a great stress reliever. It is how I deal with my stress in my life, my escape from the day to day things that build up in people. It allows me to step outside of my normal life and be someone else for awhile. So I guess that would be my trigger as if I go long periods without being Susan I can feel the stress build. I tend to have more trouble falling asleep as when I go to bed and try to relax my mind I suddenly find myself thinking about makeup, dresses, high heels and of course beautiful nails. So I guess in a way not being Susan adds a little to my stress level.

For me the whole part of being Susan is just so relaxing to me from the time getting ready, doing my makeup and picking out which outfit to wear to the actual going out and even when I get home and have to remove the makeup and clothes. It is just something I really enjoy like you might enjoy one of your hobbies.

I have also made some wonderful friends as Susan and I love spending time with them. I think the fact that they are separate from my male side also helps as we don’t find ourselves talking about work or anything else other than the Susan side. When I get together with friends from work no matter how hard we try we always end up talking about work, same with family we talk about family so you really don’t get away from your problems or stress. As Susan we talk about clothes, makeup, shoes, wigs and anything else going on in the world but work does not come up and I think that is one of the hardest things for people to do is get away from work for awhile.

As I said many times my dressing is a way for me to relax, it is not sexual for me. I do not feel I am a woman trapped in a man’s body and do not want to change my sex. I like my male side just as much and would never let it go. The last thing and what most people have the hardest time with is the fact I am not attracted to men. Many times I get e-mails asking how I can put so much time and effort into how I look and not be attracted to men. I can’t really give a good explanation other than I am not. I guess the best I could say is just because one watches football does not mean they want to play football, just because you like to fish does not mean you are going to quit your job and leave your family to go fishing all the time, just because you might like ice cream does not mean you want it for every meal every day for the rest of your life. You can like something without having it consume your life. I will close with a couple questions for you to think about. First for the woman out there, when you get dressed in the morning do you pick out your clothes, do your hair and makeup with the thought that this is for someone else and you get no pleasure out of it? Now for the men, when you go to the gym and work out is it fo9or someone else and you get no enjoyment out of it? We all do things we enjoy for no other reason than the enjoyment of I, and that is what my crossdrressing is for me.

People try to read too much into things sometime. Now again this is me and how I feel, if you ask 100 crossdresser, t-girls, transgender or transsexuals you will get 100 different answers and that is good as we are all different. If everyone was the same life would be very boring.

Well that is my thoughts on this. Now for my normal update on Susan. Starbucks is really slow tonight. When I got here there were only 3 people at the outside tables and 4 inside. By 7:30 everyone inside had left and I have had the place to myself except for maybe a dozen people who have come in to get something to go. The girls who work here usually don’t start cleaning the floors and tables till 8:30 or so had it all done before 8. I have been able to get a lot done as there have been no distraction (people watching) which is good as I have everything I needed to do done but it wasn’t the same as part of the fun is being out with other people. It did give me a chance to talk a little with the girls working tonight. I do miss Katie and Shavonie as they were so much fun and always so talkative.

Well I guess that is enough for tonight, I will be out again Friday night and I believe our group is all going to Embers and it sounds like we should have a pretty good turnout so I will post again after Friday about it. Have a great week and thanks for reading my blog.

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

See what’s new with Susan on my most recent blog

Hot Day at Starbucks

Well we have finally got our summer as today was 95 out. Susan is enjoying the sunshine but would be nice to be a little cooler but I will take the heat over the rain any day. The drive to Starbucks was hot as it took a while to get my car cooled off as hot as it is out. I was worried my makeup would be ruined before I could get my car cooled off but as it turned out my makeup was fine. As normal I came to Starbuck’s again tonight to catch up on some work and have some Susan time. I was amazed at how busy they were but then again it is air conditioned hear so a nice place to beat the heat. Shavonie and jenny are both working and greeted me when I came in. Such a nice feeling.

Shavonie and I talked for a while as she made my drink. I really look forward to our little chats. It is all part of the experience of coming here. For these few hours I am Susan and it is so relaxing.

I still get e-mails from people who can’t understand how I can spend time as Susan and not want to be her full time. For some reason it seems a lot of people have an all or nothing attitude about this. I try to explain that I enjoy and like both sides of my life and I am just as happy in my male side. I know I could never quit being Susan and in the same way I could never quit being my male self, both are a huge part of my life. To me it is so clear and makes total sense. I guess the best way to explain would be to think of your favorite food and then imagine eating only them for the rest of your life or pick out your favorite shoes, dress or shirt and then never wearing anything else. Every one needs a little variety in their life and for me it is Susan and my male side. Both equally important and both side make me who I am. Susan has an impact on my male life the same way my male side impacts Susan. For me without both sides I would not be the person I am. I hope this helps clear up some of the questions you may have about me. again this is why I cross-dress, I know there are as many reasons as there are t-girl for why people dress and my reasons are no more or less important than anyone else’s. We are all different but also the same.

Well Friday night we will all once again meet at the Candlelight bar & grill. We have had some fun times there and everyone seems so nice and I think they are all comfortable with us now as they have gotten to know us. I have met so many nice people and feel bad as I am so bad with names. I really must try to remember them all but it is hard when you meet so many in such a short time and only see them once a week. I think the plan is to meet there early for dinner and pool before it gets so crowded. I really hope they have got their air conditioner fixed as Friday should be 96 out. Even the last few weeks when it was in the upper 60’s it was still hot inside and we would go outside to cool off. I think I will have to wear something cool and cute, maybe my white skirt and a cute top, well I have tomorrow to figure that out.

As hot as it was today I did not want to be outside so on the way home tonight I need to stop for gas and some groceries. I never try to shop during the hot part of the day as I am worried the cold stuff (milk) will not survive the time in a really hot car plus it give me an excuse to go shopping as Susan which is always fun. Well I will post again after Friday night.

why do I or any man cross-dress.

Why do I or any man cross-dress? I seem to get that question a lot in e-mails both from male and females. Now I cannot speak for everyone, just myself. So let’s start with a simple question, why do some people like chocolate and other do not? Why do some people like football while others like baseball or basketball?  Why do some people like the color red while others like blue or green?  Why does some woman wear makeup and get their nails done while others do not? All good questions and it comes down to personal preference.

 A little information about cross-dressers, most are heterosexual (not gay). Also about 25% of males cross-dress to some extent, be it wearing woman’s panties or nylons once in a while to completely dressing up. This is my fun fact. Next time you are out count men and realize that 1 in 4 have or will cross-dress at some point to some degree. Now let’s not just pick on men, all you woman out there. Have you ever worn your boyfriends or husbands shirt, pajamas or shoes? If so you have also cross-dressed. Cross-dressing is simply put, wearing clothing generally associated with the opposite sex. I think with this broad view most would fall into this category. Now for me it does go beyond the simple wearing of one piece of clothing. I like to dress up completely including makeup. This is where I will talk about just myself.

 First of all I do not see myself as a woman trapped in a man’s body. I do not want to be a woman all the time as I like my male side just as much. I am not gay (I am totally heterosexual). I also do not cross-dress for sexual pleaser. In simple words I enjoy it just like chocolate or baseball. Some people exercise or run to relax or relieve stress I become Susan. Susan is my way to get away from my normal life and everything in it for a while, kind of like a mini vacation. How would you like to be able to take a vacation anytime you want? For me I can even if only for a few hours. My time as Susan is just that, my male side and everything that goes with him is put aside and Susan is there. It doesn’t matter what I do as Susan it is just being her for a while. It can be as simple as doing my nails or makeup or even cleaning the house I am still getting away from the normal daily grind and I find it totally relaxing. Like anything you do it will grow with you and expand. Take baseball, the first time you watched a game you were just learning but over time you learn more and more. You learn the teams and players, you watch more and even start going to games. Cross-dressing is the same for me, at first it was just makeup and then came clothing and shoes and then I wanted to go out as Susan. Runners start of running a mile and then work up to 2 mile and then more always pushing what they can do and so do cross-dressers.

 When I am out as Susan I just want to be excepted as a person named Susan. I want no special treatment, just treated the same as everyone else with kindness and caring. You will find that cross-dressers come from all walks of life, doctors, executives, police officers, politicians and just about every other occupation you can think off. We are truly your next door neighbors. You grew up with us and we were some of your best friends but had to keep this part of our lives a secret for fear of how people would react. Some of that fear is misplaced as I have found that some people are totally okay and excepting of cross-dressers. I have a few friends whose wives not only know but who help and support them. So in closing I ask each of you to ask yourself one question, if your best friend told you he or she liked to cross-dress what would you do? Would you stay friends? Would you end your friendship? Could you accept their cross-dressing as long as you didn’t have to see it? Or would you totally except it and be willing to see them dressed.  I only ask because we all tend to act without thinking things through in the spur of the moment and may not be how we truly feel. We say things we don’t really mean and feeling are hurt and we can loose friends for a simple misunderstanding.

People come and go in our lives but true friends are a blessing and are rare and we should never let go of a good friend. Oh I guess I have one more thing for all the ladies out there. Would it not be nice to have a boyfriend or husband that shared all your interests? One who liked to go shopping with you? One who could talk about fashion and clothing and even makeup? One who when you asked how you looked could really give you an honest answer because he knows about clothes and makeup. just think of how much fun and how much you would have in common with a cross-dresser and you would never hear the words, “Aren’t you ready yet” or “what takes you so long to get ready”. Anyway these are my thoughts on cross-dressing and why like to cross-dress and I am sure I am not alone and many of the cross-dressers out there share some if not all of these same feelings. We are not freaks or perverts we are just men who enjoy and like expressing our softer feminine side. You will also find us more caring and easy going.

Hug Susan