Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Relaxing night at home

Well this is an unusual blog for me tonight as I usually don’t blog about non Susan things but tonight I am just relaxing at home as my male self, but decided to give myself a pedicure. Not as much fun as going to the salon and getting one but my toes were looking pretty bad and as I have a Christmas party to go to Saturday night I wanted pretty toes for it. Now there are advantages to doing your own pedicure at home. While I was soaking my feet it gave me a chance to shave my legs and get them silky smooth also. It is funny how I can so look forward to a party like this and start getting ready days in advance and planning what to wear. Something men never do.

Well after my legs were done and my feet soft and nails trimmed it was time to paint them. I picked a Fuchsia color as I tend to like the red colors. It is funny that something as simple as painting your nails can be so relaxing and calming. It is a shame that men cannot do such things without society judging them as different. Any way I have my dress all picked out, my little black one that I love and don’t get to wear that often. I did look for a new dress when I was out Christmas shopping but didn’t find one. These are all the wonderful things that I enjoy about being Susan.

Well I spent about an hour between shaving, soaking and painting my toe nails and now they look beautiful for the weekend. Any way I am now relaxing on the couch and playing on my computer and I came across a movie about Crossdressing/transvestites. It is called Just like a woman that was made in 1992, and looks like a British movie. Now I have seen lots of movies that deal with Transsexuals, Crossdressing and gender bending but this one I just thought was done well as it shows what a lot of crossdressers go through and what they feel and yes it is specifically about crossdressing. It is 105 minutes long and believe it or not you can watch the whole thing on YouTube, it is in 10 parts though. I have included the links below in case you want to check it out, it actually might be a good movie to show someone to help explain Crossdressing. . Well my nails are dry now and all ready to go out and show them off.

Thanks for reading

Just like a woman

Gerald is a yuppie-like transvestite in his thirties. His wife arrives home earlier than expected and discovers female attire spread over their apartment. Not knowing anything about his habit, she misinterprets this and throws him (and the attire) out of their home and marriage. He rents a room in Monica’s house, recently divorced and around 50. Their relation- ship evolves from landlady/tenant over friends to lovers. Monica learns about, begins to understand and finally appreciates and supports Gerald- ine, Gerald’s alter ego. His transvestitism, a rarely filmed

Part 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UC7Rg43ySxQ&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pjPrBhJx_I&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR5Pa5MERlc&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJAB5Dt6Mbs&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Il4BoNn9Rbc&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 6 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hu3g-y_qa8Y&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 7 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dhxjtc-L3F8&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCJpkF9hHLk&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 9 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLdl0vnK71c&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc

Part 10 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7cVHA3UZqg&list=PLoGXiRc8cPEKqMtOuCjAQaxUujxNSTITc


December 26, 2013 Posted by | why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Made it to Starbucks again finally

Well it has been another busy week for my male self. I was planning on coming to Starbuck’s tomorrow night but I have a meeting so at the last minute I decided tonight was my chance. I got all dressed up and was out the door earlier than normal when I come here so actually made it before 7. They are all done with their remodel and it really looks nice inside. They are also pretty busy as there was only one table open and I had to stand in line. The cool thing is it is almost all women here tonight only 3 men and about 15 women so I guess Starbuck’s tonight is a ladies night out.

It is strange as it has been awhile since I have been here. Looking back through my blog, one of the cool things about having a blog I can see the last time I was here was 5 weeks ago. For some reason I was thinking it had only been 3 weeks, my how time flies. It is relaxing to sit here and play on my computer, surf the internet, catch up on e-mails while enjoying a nice warm drink. It really is amazing how relaxing and comfortable I feel here.

I have been reading some of my friend’s blogs and posts on their facebook page about Diva Las Vegas. It sounds like they all had such a fun time and so many great pictures. I can’t wait for the Diva Las Vegas web page to post all the pictures. They usually give as month or two for people who attended to submit their pictures and then the same for those who attended to check them out and request to remove any of the ones with them in it as some girls want or need privacy and I know we have all been there at one time or another. I hope they will have them on their page by the fall. You can always check out the past years as they really have a lot of picture. It is a really fun week if you ever want to take a vacation as a girl.

Now I have gotten a few e-mails from other t-girls who I assume are just starting out wondering why I like to dress and I guess why they like to dress. I have done a lot of thinking on this over the years and all I can say is there is no one answers for everyone. We are all individuals and as such the reasons I dress may or may not be the same for others. There are some common areas that talking with other crossdressers I have found. Mostly it just feels right, I find it very relaxing. I can dress up as Susan and for a few hours I really am a different person, not a duel or split personality as I choose when and am always in control kind of like an actor or actress would play a part. But it is a great way to get away from any problems or issues in my life, what I call my mini vacations. As Susan I have a group of friends that are separate from my male side and his friends. It really is a great hobby and that is just how I view it. I have friends who play sports, camp, hike, fish, cook or any number of things to relax and for me it is being Susan. There really is no difference other than I think my hobby is way more fun. By the way I also like to camp, hike, fish and play some sports just my Susan time is the most fun for me.

Now as I said there are differences, one of the biggest for me is pictures. My male side hates his picture being taken but Susan loves the camera. It really is funny as I was going through all my pictures on my computer and it really shows. I found two pictures of my male self, both with an ex-girlfriend from 7 years ago, that is it. Now on the other hand Susan has over 2,000 pictures dating back to when I first started dressing which by the way is pre digital camera. Back when I would take pictures and have to have the film developed and then I would scan them into my computer before destroying the picture. I so love digital cameras so much easier and way cheaper. I was talking with some of my friends last week at the P-Club about this and it is funny as most of them are the same. Very few picture of their male self but hundreds if not thousands of their female side. I think girls are just more photogenic.

Now even with the differences between how I act and dress deep down I am the same person. I think the same, now I will admit that I probably lean more to the female gender (feelings) but I think that is just normal for me, I tend to have a softer side and outlook on life. I like pretty things and I like all kinds of movies from the action adventure to what most people would call a chick flick. I really think it makes me a more rounded person as I can see both sides and enjoy it all. Sharing both male and female sides gives one a unique perspective on life in general.

It is funny as today at work there was a couple arguing and the woman told the guy with her, “you just don’t understand what woman deal with” and I was thinking to myself maybe he does. I know I don’t understand everything about being a woman but I do know a lot. It is hard work to always look good, makeup, hair, clothes. My male side can get up in the morning, eat a bowl of cereal. Shower and dress and be out the door in less than thirty minutes. Susan on the other hand needs a lot more time. Just my makeup can take 30 minutes or more.

Well must get back to my e-mails now. This Friday I will of course be out with my friends at the P-Club. We go there every week but for me it is not about where we go but spending time with my friends as that is so important. I really think having good friends to spend time with and it does not matter if you are male, female or transgender is what makes life awesome and fun and keeps you healthy and happy. So that is my tip for a healthy happy life, make some good friends and remember a friendship is just like a relationship, there will be good and bad times and it takes work but the work is well worth the effort because a true friend is always there for you.

Have a great rest of the week.

May 23, 2012 Posted by | Starbucks, why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why do we crossdress or do anything for that matter.

I was reading another blog the other day and in the blog she had wrote about searching for crossdressing blogs and then when you get to the blog finding out it hasn’t been updated in some cases for years and how frustrating that was to her. This got me thinking why we do what we do the things we do. To me it came down to three things, it is either a routine, a need or a want. And this goes pretty much for whatever we do in life. In the case of the blog it all depends on why one starts a blog and what their goal is with it.

It can be hard to come up with fresh ideas to write about so if that was your goal for your blog well you may not have things to say. When this happens to me I always go back to why I started my blog in the first place. my blog is for me, not that I don’t want or like others reading it I really do and I love the feedback and comments I get, but the goal of my blog was really an online diary of my time as Susan for me to keep track of my time out, places I went and people I have met. Now I will be the first to admit that a lot of my posts are pretty similar, after all how much can one write about going to Starbuck’s once a week, but it fits with my reason for the blog? If I only posted new things and wonderful insight into crossdressing and gender issues I would have very few posts.

Let’s start with doing things because of routines. This can be good or bad as most things are. You have to look at the things you are doing and see if  your doing it because of routine is good or bad. In the morning I have the same routine, get up eat breakfast, shower, shave, brush my teeth moisturize my face (very important as it keeps me young looking), get dressed and leave. The good point of this is doing it the same way I never forget something and really don’t have to think about it which is good in the morning when you are still sleepy. I also have a routine for how I do my makeup and become Susan; these are good routines to have. I also have a routine of going out Friday nights with my friends. This is something I really look. The bad part of this routine is when I miss a Friday night I am sad as it throws my whole week off as my friends are such an important part of my life.

Now let’s talk need. We all need things in life, food, money, clothes (in my cased male and female clothes), and place to live. I also have a need to be Susan as she is part of me part of who I am. I could no easier give Susan up than I could any of the other things listed above. This is something a lot of people don’t understand. Who we are is made up of everything about us. My views on life, stress, the way I interact with people, the way I treat others is all based on who I am inside and that is both male and female. Now for comparison let’s look at athletes, take a runner for example. I have several friends who run all the time; you could almost call it a religious thing for them. It is part of their routine, on the days they don’t run they are distracted and don’t focus. It is funny as some days just from how the act I can tell they didn’t get their morning run in. they also have a need to run, after all why would anyone get up an hour early every day and go out running in the cold, wet snowy weather. Their need shapes who they are just like my crossdressing. The need can be mental or physical. For me I sleep way better the nights after I have crossrdessed as I am so relaxed. The longer I go without crossdressing the more I think about it which is distracting as I don’t focus on things I need to do, also at night when I try to go to sleep I am thinking about crossdressing and when, if I will get to dress again which makes it hard to clear my mind and get a good night sleep.

Now let’s talk want. For me I want to crossdress, I like it, it is fun and I enjoy it. No one does things they don’t want to for very long. Being Susan is part of my life’s routine, Susan is a need I have but she is also something I want for my life. Again runners want to run, they like it, they like the way it feels and makes them feel. Let’s talk smoking now, I don’t smoke so the only information I have is friends who do and it is funny because as bad as smoking is for you it fits into these three categories too. I have asked some of them why they smoke and guess what it is a habit something they just do without thinking (routine). There is an addiction to the chemicals in the cigarettes (need). In most cases they like smoking, then look, feel, or feeling they get from it (want). Now like anything the only way to stop is removing one or all three of these things. My friends that have quit smoking successfully the key was they wanted to quit. Stopping anything because someone else want you to or tells you to will not work the only way you can stop something is if it is what you want.

I like being Susan, it doesn’t harm anyone, and it really doesn’t affect anyone else. It is something I do for myself. I love having pretty painted toe nails. I love the styles of clothes woman get to wear and also the shoes. I love makeup from the putting it on and doing different looks to just wearing it. I love long hair but as a guy for work I can’t have my hair long. I don’t want to be a woman full time and would never want to physically change my body but yes I would dress this way more if I had the chance. If it suddenly became accepted for men to have long pretty nails I would be the first in line to get acrylic nails and they would be painted and pretty all the time. If guys could wear dresses and no one would think twice about it I would wear dresses and skirts most days as I think they look better and are more comfortable to me. It is all just personal choice. I am sure there are a number of woman out there (I dated one for awhile) that hate dresses, and heel. Why it is okay for a woman to hate dresses and heels and no one wonders about them but if a guy likes these same thing they think he is strange.

Personal freedom and choice is what this country is all about. We are made up of different religions, races, beliefs and yet we all accept these things about each other but boy let a guy put on a dress or makeup and the world will end. I just don’t understand it. Now I am not saying you have to like the same things I do or even do the things I do. Just please accept me for me and not how I look or dress.

The last thing is a question for all of you who might read this. If one of your best friends or a family member suddenly told you they were a crossdresser, how would it affect your friendship or relationship with them? Now before you answer I know there will be an effect and it will change a little but would it end your friendship or could you stay friends with them?


October 8, 2011 Posted by | Advice and tips, why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

What triggers my crossdressing?

Hi all I am at Starbucks for my normal Wednesday night out and I thought I would write about more than just my being out this week. I have gotten a few e-mails asking me what triggers my need to crossdress so I thought I would see what I could come up with as I really haven’t thought of it that way. I have done some thinking about it and please remember this is only my view and how it is for me, I cannot answer for anyone else.

I don’t know if I really have a trigger as such as I get out on a pretty regular basis. What I can tell you is my time as Susan is a great stress reliever. It is how I deal with my stress in my life, my escape from the day to day things that build up in people. It allows me to step outside of my normal life and be someone else for awhile. So I guess that would be my trigger as if I go long periods without being Susan I can feel the stress build. I tend to have more trouble falling asleep as when I go to bed and try to relax my mind I suddenly find myself thinking about makeup, dresses, high heels and of course beautiful nails. So I guess in a way not being Susan adds a little to my stress level.

For me the whole part of being Susan is just so relaxing to me from the time getting ready, doing my makeup and picking out which outfit to wear to the actual going out and even when I get home and have to remove the makeup and clothes. It is just something I really enjoy like you might enjoy one of your hobbies.

I have also made some wonderful friends as Susan and I love spending time with them. I think the fact that they are separate from my male side also helps as we don’t find ourselves talking about work or anything else other than the Susan side. When I get together with friends from work no matter how hard we try we always end up talking about work, same with family we talk about family so you really don’t get away from your problems or stress. As Susan we talk about clothes, makeup, shoes, wigs and anything else going on in the world but work does not come up and I think that is one of the hardest things for people to do is get away from work for awhile.

As I said many times my dressing is a way for me to relax, it is not sexual for me. I do not feel I am a woman trapped in a man’s body and do not want to change my sex. I like my male side just as much and would never let it go. The last thing and what most people have the hardest time with is the fact I am not attracted to men. Many times I get e-mails asking how I can put so much time and effort into how I look and not be attracted to men. I can’t really give a good explanation other than I am not. I guess the best I could say is just because one watches football does not mean they want to play football, just because you like to fish does not mean you are going to quit your job and leave your family to go fishing all the time, just because you might like ice cream does not mean you want it for every meal every day for the rest of your life. You can like something without having it consume your life. I will close with a couple questions for you to think about. First for the woman out there, when you get dressed in the morning do you pick out your clothes, do your hair and makeup with the thought that this is for someone else and you get no pleasure out of it? Now for the men, when you go to the gym and work out is it fo9or someone else and you get no enjoyment out of it? We all do things we enjoy for no other reason than the enjoyment of I, and that is what my crossdrressing is for me.

People try to read too much into things sometime. Now again this is me and how I feel, if you ask 100 crossdresser, t-girls, transgender or transsexuals you will get 100 different answers and that is good as we are all different. If everyone was the same life would be very boring.

Well that is my thoughts on this. Now for my normal update on Susan. Starbucks is really slow tonight. When I got here there were only 3 people at the outside tables and 4 inside. By 7:30 everyone inside had left and I have had the place to myself except for maybe a dozen people who have come in to get something to go. The girls who work here usually don’t start cleaning the floors and tables till 8:30 or so had it all done before 8. I have been able to get a lot done as there have been no distraction (people watching) which is good as I have everything I needed to do done but it wasn’t the same as part of the fun is being out with other people. It did give me a chance to talk a little with the girls working tonight. I do miss Katie and Shavonie as they were so much fun and always so talkative.

Well I guess that is enough for tonight, I will be out again Friday night and I believe our group is all going to Embers and it sounds like we should have a pretty good turnout so I will post again after Friday about it. Have a great week and thanks for reading my blog.

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

September 1, 2010 Posted by | Starbucks, why crossdress, why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Hot Day at Starbucks

Well we have finally got our summer as today was 95 out. Susan is enjoying the sunshine but would be nice to be a little cooler but I will take the heat over the rain any day. The drive to Starbucks was hot as it took a while to get my car cooled off as hot as it is out. I was worried my makeup would be ruined before I could get my car cooled off but as it turned out my makeup was fine. As normal I came to Starbuck’s again tonight to catch up on some work and have some Susan time. I was amazed at how busy they were but then again it is air conditioned hear so a nice place to beat the heat. Shavonie and jenny are both working and greeted me when I came in. Such a nice feeling.

Shavonie and I talked for a while as she made my drink. I really look forward to our little chats. It is all part of the experience of coming here. For these few hours I am Susan and it is so relaxing.

I still get e-mails from people who can’t understand how I can spend time as Susan and not want to be her full time. For some reason it seems a lot of people have an all or nothing attitude about this. I try to explain that I enjoy and like both sides of my life and I am just as happy in my male side. I know I could never quit being Susan and in the same way I could never quit being my male self, both are a huge part of my life. To me it is so clear and makes total sense. I guess the best way to explain would be to think of your favorite food and then imagine eating only them for the rest of your life or pick out your favorite shoes, dress or shirt and then never wearing anything else. Every one needs a little variety in their life and for me it is Susan and my male side. Both equally important and both side make me who I am. Susan has an impact on my male life the same way my male side impacts Susan. For me without both sides I would not be the person I am. I hope this helps clear up some of the questions you may have about me. again this is why I cross-dress, I know there are as many reasons as there are t-girl for why people dress and my reasons are no more or less important than anyone else’s. We are all different but also the same.

Well Friday night we will all once again meet at the Candlelight bar & grill. We have had some fun times there and everyone seems so nice and I think they are all comfortable with us now as they have gotten to know us. I have met so many nice people and feel bad as I am so bad with names. I really must try to remember them all but it is hard when you meet so many in such a short time and only see them once a week. I think the plan is to meet there early for dinner and pool before it gets so crowded. I really hope they have got their air conditioner fixed as Friday should be 96 out. Even the last few weeks when it was in the upper 60’s it was still hot inside and we would go outside to cool off. I think I will have to wear something cool and cute, maybe my white skirt and a cute top, well I have tomorrow to figure that out.

As hot as it was today I did not want to be outside so on the way home tonight I need to stop for gas and some groceries. I never try to shop during the hot part of the day as I am worried the cold stuff (milk) will not survive the time in a really hot car plus it give me an excuse to go shopping as Susan which is always fun. Well I will post again after Friday night.

July 7, 2010 Posted by | Starbucks, T-girl, why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

why do I or any man cross-dress

Why do I or any man cross-dress? I seem to get that question a lot in e-mails both from male and females. Now I cannot speak for everyone, just myself. So let’s start with a simple question, why do some people like chocolate and other do not? Why do some people like football while others like baseball or basketball?  Why do some people like the color red while others like blue or green?  Why does some woman wear makeup and get their nails done while others do not? All good questions and it comes down to personal preference.

 A little information about cross-dressers, most are heterosexual (not gay). Also about 25% of males cross-dress to some extent, be it wearing woman’s panties or nylons once in a while to completely dressing up. This is my fun fact. Next time you are out count men and realize that 1 in 4 have or will cross-dress at some point to some degree. Now let’s not just pick on men, all you woman out there. Have you ever worn your boyfriends or husbands shirt, pajamas or shoes? If so you have also cross-dressed. Cross-dressing is simply put, wearing clothing generally associated with the opposite sex. I think with this broad view most would fall into this category. Now for me it does go beyond the simple wearing of one piece of clothing. I like to dress up completely including makeup. This is where I will talk about just myself.

 First of all I do not see myself as a woman trapped in a man’s body. I do not want to be a woman all the time as I like my male side just as much. I am not gay (I am totally heterosexual). I also do not cross-dress for sexual pleaser. In simple words I enjoy it just like chocolate or baseball. Some people exercise or run to relax or relieve stress I become Susan. Susan is my way to get away from my normal life and everything in it for a while, kind of like a mini vacation. How would you like to be able to take a vacation anytime you want? For me I can even if only for a few hours. My time as Susan is just that, my male side and everything that goes with him is put aside and Susan is there. It doesn’t matter what I do as Susan it is just being her for a while. It can be as simple as doing my nails or makeup or even cleaning the house I am still getting away from the normal daily grind and I find it totally relaxing. Like anything you do it will grow with you and expand. Take baseball, the first time you watched a game you were just learning but over time you learn more and more. You learn the teams and players, you watch more and even start going to games. Cross-dressing is the same for me, at first it was just makeup and then came clothing and shoes and then I wanted to go out as Susan. Runners start of running a mile and then work up to 2 mile and then more always pushing what they can do and so do cross-dressers.

 When I am out as Susan I just want to be excepted as a person named Susan. I want no special treatment, just treated the same as everyone else with kindness and caring. You will find that cross-dressers come from all walks of life, doctors, executives, police officers, politicians and just about every other occupation you can think off. We are truly your next door neighbors. You grew up with us and we were some of your best friends but had to keep this part of our lives a secret for fear of how people would react. Some of that fear is misplaced as I have found that some people are totally okay and excepting of cross-dressers. I have a few friends whose wives not only know but who help and support them. So in closing I ask each of you to ask yourself one question, if your best friend told you he or she liked to cross-dress what would you do? Would you stay friends? Would you end your friendship? Could you accept their cross-dressing as long as you didn’t have to see it? Or would you totally except it and be willing to see them dressed.  I only ask because we all tend to act without thinking things through in the spur of the moment and may not be how we truly feel. We say things we don’t really mean and feeling are hurt and we can loose friends for a simple misunderstanding.

People come and go in our lives but true friends are a blessing and are rare and we should never let go of a good friend. Oh I guess I have one more thing for all the ladies out there. Would it not be nice to have a boyfriend or husband that shared all your interests? One who liked to go shopping with you? One who could talk about fashion and clothing and even makeup? One who when you asked how you looked could really give you an honest answer because he knows about clothes and makeup. just think of how much fun and how much you would have in common with a cross-dresser and you would never hear the words, “Aren’t you ready yet” or “what takes you so long to get ready”. Anyway these are my thoughts on cross-dressing and why like to cross-dress and I am sure I am not alone and many of the cross-dressers out there share some if not all of these same feelings. We are not freaks or perverts we are just men who enjoy and like expressing our softer feminine side. You will also find us more caring and easy going.

Hug Susan

November 7, 2009 Posted by | crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, T-girl, transgender, why crossdress, why men crossdress | , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

   

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