Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Crossdressing issue on restroom use, woman’s vs mens room?

One of the biggest issues facing cross-dressers or anyone in the gender community is the use of public bathrooms. When one is out dressed as their chosen gender what do you do? Now I have been getting out more and more and this now comes up more often for me. Now I have always tried to use common sense on this issue, I really do not want to use the men’s room while out as Susan as I think this would cause more of a problem and be a little more dangerous for me.

I myself try to find a family rest room if possible, most malls have one. I have found this to be the best option. If there is no family restroom then I look for one in a store (like Nordstrom’s or Macy’s most department stores have their own) over one in the mall. This is for the simple reason they are usually less busy. I can also shop in the area for a few minutes (woman’s bathrooms are usually in the woman’s department) and keep an eye on it so I can time it when there is the least amount of woman in there. The key is to not look like you are watching the bathroom as that would look bad. The other most helpful thing is to not act scared or nervous as this will draw attention to you. If you come across as if you don’t belong there others will feel the same way. Try to act calm and confident as if it is totally natural for you to use the woman’s bathroom. Now these are my tips and views and I must admit the better you pass the fewer problems you will have. If they clock you right away there is more of a chance of a problem then if they have to make a decision about you and weather you are female or not. One they could be wrong and two by the time they are sure hopefully you will be out and gone.

 A little etiquette, be sure and sit, take care of business, please wash your hand and if needed a quick touch up on makeup and then leave. If we limit our time in there then there is less of a chance of a problem. I also try to use the restroom on the way out that way if someone does have a problem hopefully I will be gone before something happens. Remember that how we all act reflects on all of the gender community. Now again as so far I have been lucky and not had a problem but I think if I did I would not push what I thought my rights, I would just leave and go someplace else. Most stores I do not believe would make an issue unless someone complained as they are in business and need all the customers they can get especially now with the state of the economy.

This topic has come up a lot in the t-girl group I belong to here in Portland Oregon and Cassandra went ahead and e-mailed the city of Portland and they forwarded her e-mail right to the Mayor’s office here in Portland Oregon. Below is the e-mail and the answer she got back after they consulted the cities attorney’s office. It basically say’s in Portland Oregon we should feel free to use the bathroom of our expressed gender but needs better clarification. We should always remember that there are also laws (public nuisance or public indecency) that could also be used if there was a complaint and a police officer was not sure. So let’s all be courteous and as discreet as possible as to not create a problem and maybe someday this will not even be an issue. A big thanks to Cassandra for finding some answers and also to Portland for getting back to us with an answer.

 Hi Everyone, When that question came up about which bathroom to use in public places for the trans community, I contacted the city with that specific question. The person I contacted forwarded the question directly to the Mayors office and they checked with their attorneys and here is the email they sent back to me. Here is our answer for now. Andrew is with the city of Portland and Clay is with the Mayors office.

Cassandra

 Hi Andrew,

 Yes. Yesterday afternoon, I chatted with one of our attorneys who helped me understand what the current rules are. Basically, this is the situation: part H is a requirement of the party responsible for the “permanent or temporary structures” referred to in part A, which means that the City (or overseer of any public restroom) must “provide reasonable and appropriate accommodations permitting all persons access to restrooms consistent with their expressed gender.” It was understood by the attorney’s office, that this insinuates that a person should utilize the public restroom that is associated with their expressed gender but that there is no clear-cut rule or exception for gender-variant persons.

Violation of these rules is only enforced on a complaint-driven basis and, frankly, we don’t know of any complaints being filed in the city. That said, we do want all citizens in Portland to feel confident, comfortable, and safe in their daily activities, including in choosing which public restroom to use – it’s only logical and fair. For the here and now, Cassandra should feel relatively confident that she can utilize the restroom of her expressed gender (female).

However, I would like to extend a thank you to Cassandra for bringing this to our attention – the policy is much too vague and needs a review. We are considering how to best move forward so that city regulations pertaining to public restrooms are clear and accommodating. Please let me know if you have thoughts on how to do so.

Sincerely,

Clay

November 29, 2009 Posted by | crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, T-girl, transgender | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friday night at Embers memorial for Elle Early

Well Friday night I went out to meet up with me friends at Embers. I got there about 7:30 and they were packed as they were having a memorial for Elle Early. She was a 23 year old transsexual from Portland Oregon who was really active in the gender community here in Portland. I have never met her but know some people who do know her and met a couple of her friends. She took her life this past week leaving a big hole in our community. It is always sad when someone (especially so young with her whole life ahead of her) takes their life. It is sad that the gender community seems to have a higher than average rate of suicide. I wish I had known about the memorial so I could have been there from the start.

The memorial was really nice and her mother was there and said some really nice thing as did her friends. From the amount of people there she seemed to have a lot of friends and a good support network. It really makes you stop and think. Elle Early will be missed and I regret that I never had the chance to meet her. I have so many great friends in the gender community and I think this will make me pay closer attention to all my friends as I care about them all. I hope that they all know that I and all the other members in our group are there for each other and always available to talk if something is bothering them. Elle you will be missed.

The rest of the night was fun and it really made me appreciate the time I spent with my friends. They are all so great. We had a good group of girls there, Cass, Peggy, Teresa, Siobhan, Dan, Kelly, Jan, Lynn and Michelle. Some played pool and some watched the show. There really was a small crowd that stayed for the show but it was still fun and being out with friends is what matters. We all had a good time and stayed till the show was over at 1:30 am.

November 21, 2009 Posted by | crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, T-girl, transgender | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Going to Starbuck’s

Well I made my Wednesday night out again, first time in a couple weeks. I have missed my time at Starbucks. I went to the Starbucks I usually go to. I got there a little before 7 and went in. they have been closed the last few time I went there so it was nice that they were open. There were about 5 other people inside. I ordered my drink and set up my computer. I was all set for a relaxing time when the man who had just waited on me came over and informed me and the other people they were closing as they are still remodeling and so they are closing at 7. Now I understand that but I thought could you not have told me that when I ordered my drink. I was a little upset but I was not going to let it upset my plans.

I drove up the street to the other Starbucks I have gone to before (luck there are so many of them around) and went in. this one is a little busier. There are 14 other people here with me, mostly woman but a few men to. For the most part they have not really paid any attention to me. It is so nice to just be out in the general public as Susan and be able to just relax and be who I am. I spent some time taking care of some work e-mails I have needed to do. And now I am just updating my blog and then going to spend time surfing the net.

It is only for a couple hours but it is some much more fun than sitting at home. It is so strange that just by being Susan makes such a difference in an everyday activity.

November 18, 2009 Posted by | crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, T-girl, transgender | , , , , , | 3 Comments

Friday night at Embers with friends

Well this Friday out was a blast. I got to Embers at 7:30 and Cassandra, Peggy, Teresa and Lisa were already there. We started by playing pool. We were pretty much the only ones at Embers at this point. When Bev and Maya showed up de decided to get some tables down by the show as we were expecting a lot of t-girls and we wanted to get tables so we could all sit together so we took 3 of the four big tables next to each other. I so enjoy the time before the show as it is quiet and we could talk. Brianne showed up and I got to talk to her, it is the first time I have met her in person and she is really nice.

 

Monday was Maya’s birthday so we celebrated it and had Maya get up on stage during the show. It was so funny, Embers lets you put money on the birthday girls and guys and then they do a lap dance. It was awesome but I would never be able to go up on stage. Maya was such a good sport about it and we all took pictures including her wife.

Siobhan showed up in boy mode. I did not even recognize her till she spoke. It was nice to meet her this way. I still have not worked up the courage to tell anyone or let them meet my male side. It was so much fun we must have had 20 t-girls there and we even had 5 wives that came out last night. It is so great that there are wives that accept and even support their t-girl husbands.

 

Candy was also there with her wife. This was the second time I met Candy and the first time I have met her wife. They are both really nice. Cady told her wife awhile back and they have been working on things. It is so nice that her wife is learning about Candy and willing to accept her. I got a chance to talk to Candy for quite awhile and we seem so much alike in our reasons for who we are. I also got a chance to talk to her wife and she is really nice and trying hard to understand about Candy and why she likes to be Candy. It was nice to get to know her and I tried to explain at least why I dress and need to be Susan. I ended up staying out till almost 2:30 talking with Candy, and her wife and Teresa and Dan. I look forward to getting to know Candy and her wife more. I had not planned on staying out so late but it was so much fun. This is such a great group of girls that I call my friends.

 

Friday Nights are my favorite nights as I get to spend time with such great friends. We all have such a good time and I look forward to Friday all week.

November 14, 2009 Posted by | crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, T-girl, transgender | , , , , , | Leave a comment

why do I or any man cross-dress

Why do I or any man cross-dress? I seem to get that question a lot in e-mails both from male and females. Now I cannot speak for everyone, just myself. So let’s start with a simple question, why do some people like chocolate and other do not? Why do some people like football while others like baseball or basketball?  Why do some people like the color red while others like blue or green?  Why does some woman wear makeup and get their nails done while others do not? All good questions and it comes down to personal preference.

 A little information about cross-dressers, most are heterosexual (not gay). Also about 25% of males cross-dress to some extent, be it wearing woman’s panties or nylons once in a while to completely dressing up. This is my fun fact. Next time you are out count men and realize that 1 in 4 have or will cross-dress at some point to some degree. Now let’s not just pick on men, all you woman out there. Have you ever worn your boyfriends or husbands shirt, pajamas or shoes? If so you have also cross-dressed. Cross-dressing is simply put, wearing clothing generally associated with the opposite sex. I think with this broad view most would fall into this category. Now for me it does go beyond the simple wearing of one piece of clothing. I like to dress up completely including makeup. This is where I will talk about just myself.

 First of all I do not see myself as a woman trapped in a man’s body. I do not want to be a woman all the time as I like my male side just as much. I am not gay (I am totally heterosexual). I also do not cross-dress for sexual pleaser. In simple words I enjoy it just like chocolate or baseball. Some people exercise or run to relax or relieve stress I become Susan. Susan is my way to get away from my normal life and everything in it for a while, kind of like a mini vacation. How would you like to be able to take a vacation anytime you want? For me I can even if only for a few hours. My time as Susan is just that, my male side and everything that goes with him is put aside and Susan is there. It doesn’t matter what I do as Susan it is just being her for a while. It can be as simple as doing my nails or makeup or even cleaning the house I am still getting away from the normal daily grind and I find it totally relaxing. Like anything you do it will grow with you and expand. Take baseball, the first time you watched a game you were just learning but over time you learn more and more. You learn the teams and players, you watch more and even start going to games. Cross-dressing is the same for me, at first it was just makeup and then came clothing and shoes and then I wanted to go out as Susan. Runners start of running a mile and then work up to 2 mile and then more always pushing what they can do and so do cross-dressers.

 When I am out as Susan I just want to be excepted as a person named Susan. I want no special treatment, just treated the same as everyone else with kindness and caring. You will find that cross-dressers come from all walks of life, doctors, executives, police officers, politicians and just about every other occupation you can think off. We are truly your next door neighbors. You grew up with us and we were some of your best friends but had to keep this part of our lives a secret for fear of how people would react. Some of that fear is misplaced as I have found that some people are totally okay and excepting of cross-dressers. I have a few friends whose wives not only know but who help and support them. So in closing I ask each of you to ask yourself one question, if your best friend told you he or she liked to cross-dress what would you do? Would you stay friends? Would you end your friendship? Could you accept their cross-dressing as long as you didn’t have to see it? Or would you totally except it and be willing to see them dressed.  I only ask because we all tend to act without thinking things through in the spur of the moment and may not be how we truly feel. We say things we don’t really mean and feeling are hurt and we can loose friends for a simple misunderstanding.

People come and go in our lives but true friends are a blessing and are rare and we should never let go of a good friend. Oh I guess I have one more thing for all the ladies out there. Would it not be nice to have a boyfriend or husband that shared all your interests? One who liked to go shopping with you? One who could talk about fashion and clothing and even makeup? One who when you asked how you looked could really give you an honest answer because he knows about clothes and makeup. just think of how much fun and how much you would have in common with a cross-dresser and you would never hear the words, “Aren’t you ready yet” or “what takes you so long to get ready”. Anyway these are my thoughts on cross-dressing and why like to cross-dress and I am sure I am not alone and many of the cross-dressers out there share some if not all of these same feelings. We are not freaks or perverts we are just men who enjoy and like expressing our softer feminine side. You will also find us more caring and easy going.

Hug Susan

November 7, 2009 Posted by | crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, T-girl, transgender, why crossdress, why men crossdress | , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Halloween night Party, one word awsome

Halloween night was awesome. My costume was great, I was Wonder Woman. It took some work but it was so worth it. I went to a party at Cassandra and Peggy’s house. They were so great to throw a Halloween party for all us T-girls. Peggy did a great job decorating their house, you two rock. On the way there I did stop at Albertson’s and picked up my veggie trays because I wanted to go shopping in my costume even if only for a few minutes. It was so fun. The party was just getting started when I got there so we started to take pictures, I favorite thing to do for t-girls. I have posted some on my flickr page. Maya and Bev even showed up which was so nice. They are so much fun.

Several of the t-girls even brought their wives and girlfriend with them. It is so nice to know that there are woman out there that not only tolerate but except and support cross-dressing. To all you ladies you are awesome and I can only hope I can be so lucky. It was nice to get to talk to everyone and get to know them better. Our group has gotten so big there are t-girls I haven’t met yet, or just barley know. My goal is to meet them all and get to know each and every one of them. Even Peggy’s friend Julie showed up in a cute fire fighter costume. It was nice to see her again and I got a chance to talk to her for a while. There were a lot of good and cute costumes there. I got second place in the costume contest which was so fun. Later on the bar tender gave out 4 garter belts to the cutes girls there and I was one of the lucky ladies along with Julie, Peggy and Brenda.

I had a great time and even got to meet Candy, a new member of our group. She is really nice and pretty and we seem to be a lot alike. We share a lot of the same feelings about dressing and why we do it. She is married and only came out to her wife a few weeks ago and yet her wife also seems to be okay with her dressing. I look forward to getting to know her better and maybe even meet her wife some night if she comes out with her. It was such a fun time and I lost track of how many people were there but I bet it was at least 50 or more.

I am so lucky to have found such good friends. You Are all so awesome and make it so much fun to be Susan and go out.

Thanks again Peggy and Cassandra for opening your house up to us for a wonderful party. You are the best.

November 1, 2009 Posted by | crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, halloween, Party, T-girl, transgender, wonder woman | , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

   

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