Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Labor Day Monday and some Susan time

Happy Labor Day everyone!

It is Monday, Labor Day and I have the morning and early afternoon free and what better way to enjoy it then as Susan and some shopping. Yes, I actually got up at 6:30 am to get ready with hopes of being on my way by 8. Now it is kind of different to get up in the morning and become Susan, usually just during Diva Las Vegas I get to do this as the rest of the time it is later in the day. it is fun starting the day this way. I was all ready and, on my way, a little after 8. Now my plans for the day are simple, want to go to Clackamas Town Center for a little shopping, stop at the cemetery and put flowers on my Dads grave, hard to believe it has been almost a year since he passed away (September 20 2018) and of course some time at Starbucks to write my blog for Sunday but other then that the rest I will just wing it and have fun.

I was on my way and figured I would start at Clackamas Town center but as I was driving, I realized it was just before 9 and I don’t think they open till 10 so a quick change in plans and so I got off the freeway at Johnson creek and went to the Fred Meyers there to get flowers as the Cemetery is not far from there and I could stop there first. I went in and looked around a little before picking out my flowers and then I was off to put them on my Dads grave. Now being a Holiday I was not sure how busy the cemetery would be. I got there and picked up a holder for the flowers and then went and parked by the section my Dad is in, there was one other car and a man and woman at a grave site in the wall on the path I will walk on. I got out and put the flowers in the cup and started up the path now it actually splits so I walked behind the wall and above but I knew they could see me. I got about half way up and realized I walked past a water faucet and I could have put water in the holder so I walked back down past them again and got water. I was on my way back up and as I passed by where they were the lady spoke up and asked if she could ask me a question. Now of course we all know what came to my mind but I said sure and it turns out she just wanted to know where I got the flower holder so I told her and she thanked me.

I got to my Dads grave site and placed the flowers. As I said it is hard to believe it has been almost a year. I never told my Dad about this side of my life, about Susan the daughter he didn’t know he had. Now whenever I come here by myself it is as Susan. I spent about 20 minutes here. Now I did get a quick picture as I left. Now I was off to Clackamas Town Center. I got there just after 10 and parked by Pennies and went in. I have found a few really cute dresses here and was hoping to find another. Now they had a big selection and most were on sale for 40% to 50% off but again my size I just a little bigger than the average female. I found two I really liked and they were less then $40 with the discount but they only had up to a size 16 so I headed out into the mall to look around. Now I really didn’t need anything but I always hope I find something. It is funny as my male side it is very logical when I buy things, do I need them, will I use them do I really need them. My female side is a little more, well is it cute and does it fit. Yes, my female side has my male side wrapped around her little finger. I looked around Macy’s, H&K, Nordstrom’s and of course Victoria’s Secret, I even went into the spirit Halloween costume shop. Yes, they are up already.

I stayed here till about 11:45 and it was not busy at all. I really thought on a Holiday there would be a lot more people out shopping. But it was nice and relaxing to just wander around the mall. I did get one selfie in the mall and you can see behind me there was no one. I left here and decided to stop at Cascade station by the airport on my way home. I got there about noon and this was totally different as there were people everywhere. I went into Ross and looked around and again found nothing I liked that would fit me. I also went into ULTA and looked around and a quick stop at Best Buy just to look. It was nice just to be out. I then drove down the street to Target to look around. I checked out their makeup section, I had bought an eye shadow here last year and really liked it, kind of a silver that I use on the inside corner of my eye and it was really good, made by Maybelline. I wanted to get another one and maybe a few more shades as it was only $2 or $3 but they didn’t have them. It is really hard to find single colors as they all seem to be pallets of eye shadows and I have a few but I find I use just a few of the colors and it seems like a waste. I did buy some other things I needed but nothing really for Susan.

I left here and then was debating about getting something to eat or just going to Starbuck. I decided on Starbucks as I figured I could get something to eat after on my way home. of course, I went to the ne I go to all the time. I did think about going to the one right by my house as I won’t be out late but wound up at my regular one. It is still within a mile of home, so different then 10 years ago when I drove a half hour, about 18 miles cross town to go to Starbucks. Now Starbucks was also busy and there were only a couple seats at the counter and 1 table in the middle so I set my computer on the table in the middle and went and ordered my drink and a cookie. The young man at the counter was awesome, he is new and I think this is his first week but he treated me wonderful, always referred to me as Miss. I got my drink and cookie and sat down and started working on my blog from last night.

Now I really do want to get back to doing my blogs faster but there is just something about being out as Susan and writing my blog as Susan. I got the blog done and figure I will post later tonight. I also started this blog and wrote about what I did earlier that way all I will have to do is finish it later. I had been here about an hour and a table opened by the window so I moved over, I plugged my computer I just so others would think I moved because I needed to not just because I wanted to sit by the window. A little later someone I know came in, now that is the other advantage of where I sit as people coming in are looking to the counter where they order so they really cant look at me till they order or really get there drink and start to leave or go find a seat so I just kept my head down. Now it turns out he didn’t leave and he sat at the table behind me and got his computer out. So here we sat with hi behind me looking at my back. He only stayed about 45 minutes but it was an interesting feeling.

I stayed here till about 3:30 before I left and went to Pana Express to get something to eat. Then it was time to go home and change back to my male self. I got home about 4:15 and my day of Susan came to an end but it was fun. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

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September 3, 2019 Posted by | Out and about as Susan, shopping | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sunday and some Susan time at Starbucks finally.

It is Sunday of Labor Day weekend and I have some free time and that means Susan gets to go to Starbucks for a few hours and catch up on her blogs. Now I have been behind on my blogs for weeks, I use to do them the very next day but I really do like writing them as Susan which can mean a few days late as I am not Susan every day. the problem with this is you can get way behind if things don’t work right. My goal is to be all caught up by the end of the Holiday weekend. It was after 3 when I started getting ready my goal was to be to Starbucks by 4:30 as the one I go to is open till 8:30 and that would give me 4 hours. I was right on time as I was ready and out the door by 4:15 and it only takes a few minutes to get there. When I got there, I had to park out a way as they seemed really busy but a lot of people were sitting out front at the tables as it was a nice day out. I went in and they were still busy inside but there was 1 table open along the windows so I set my computer on it before going up to order. I like these tables as I can plug my computer in when I need to.

The lady at the counter greeted me and said it was good to see me again, she did have to ask my name which was okay as I haven’t been coming here as regular as I was for a while, I hope to fix that and start coming here on Sundays more regular. It really is a nice relaxing way to spend time on your computer. I got my drink and sat down and started working on my blog from Wednesday night’s dinner at Mothers Bistro, With that blog done and posted I moved on to some e-mails I was behind on. You don’t realize how things can pile up. With my e-mails all caught up it was on to Last night’s blog at the Escape. It is a lot easy doing a blog the next day when it is still fresh in your mind. I got this blog done but decided I would wait till the morning to post it as some people subscribe to my blog and get an e-mail when I post and I didn’t want to hit them twice so fast. I figured I could post in the morning before I go out, yes Monday Labor Day I have off and I have the morning free and so that means a little more Susan time and some shopping.

Now it was only about 6:30 so I had some time to just spend in the internet. Now last Saturday I was talking to Nicole at the Escape and I have been looking at home security cameras but was trying to figure out how to run the wires and she told me about one called Wyze you can get at Home Depot. They run off your Wi-Fi so no wires needed you just need to plug them in, they are indoor ones but I figured I could out them inside my windows looking out so I went to Home Depot’s web page to look at them, they are $36 and looked like they were pretty good and the Home Depot at Jantzen Beech had 60 of them so I decided I was going to go get couple and try them.

I left Starbucks and drove to Home Depot and went in now as Susan this is probably the place, I have gone the least as Susan but still fun. Now I had no idea where to look and Nicole told me her story about trying to find them in Home Depot so I found the first employee I could and asked him where they were. He told me the back corer so that is where I went. I found security lights but no cameras. I saw another employee coming out of the back room so I asked her and she said she new and took me over to where I was just looking. She called someone and as she waited for an answer we walked up to the middle of the store and found the Ring doorbells and cameras but still not the Wyze. About this time the first man I asked came over, he was the one she called. He also thought they would be here. So, Marry the female employee said she would go get handheld and find out how many they had and where they were. The other man stood there for a while with me and showed me how they worked, he got one at his home to test it and said they worked really well. Marry came back and confirmed what I had told her that they had 60 of them. She said we should walk up front and see if they were up there as most are in a locked area up front as they are small and easy to steal. The lady upfront wasn’t sure what we were talking about but opened up the area for us to look and still now luck. I was explaining about them and she asked if they were really small and I said yes and that made the difference. She slid the other side open and on the floor was a 4-gallon bucket with a bunch of little square boxes about 3 inches by 3 inch and that was them. I told them I wanted 2 and as it turns out I was right next to the self-checkout so it was easy to pay for them. Now I will say the people here were great and really worked to find what I wanted especially Marry. So, now it was home to set them up.

On the way home I did stop by the Subway by my house and got a sandwich to take home as I have not eaten yet. I got home and went to set them up. Now the instructions you get with it are not that good but you can go to YouTube and there is a 2 minute video that walks you through it and yes it really is that easy. You can view live on your smartphone and you get 14 days’ worth of cloud storage plus they have a memory chip in them also that you can go back and look at. They really are great little cameras and even have night vision and 2-way audio so you can hear people in your house and talk to them. Have not had time to figure that out yet but so far, I am impressed. I can now see what is out front of my house before I come home. Thanks, Nicole, for the tip. You can also take this with you and set up anyplace you have Wi-Fi so I am thinking you could take it on vacation and set up in your hotel room.

It was a fun relaxing Sunday for Susan. thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new.

September 2, 2019 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Wednesday night dinner at Mothers Bistro

It is Wednesday and our group is doing dinner tonight at Mothers Bistro, we have gone here many times and it is always wonderful. Normally we get a big turnout the last few times it was 10 or more but tonight only 4 of us responded so it looks like a small group tonight. Might be the weather as it is in the 90’s today and it can be hard for us in the heat as we all need more makeup then the average lady plus some of us have padding on to get the right curves, it is hard and takes work to be female. Now I did manage to slide out of work early which is nice as it gives me time to enjoy getting ready and also, I will have enough time to pick Julie up. Normally I get hoe between 5:30 and 5:45 and sense it takes me about a half hour to get back downtown Portland it is normally a rush but I was home tonight by 4:20. I texted Julie to see if she wanted a ride, I was pretty sure she would as it is just way more fun to go together plus it gives us a chance to talk on the way there and home. I was ready and on y way to Julies a little after 5:30 and got to here house a little after 6.

Julie had left the door open for me so I went in and she was just finishing up getting ready. We had both chosen to wear light summer dresses as it is over 90 right now. I really do need to go and get some more summer dresses and some casual dresses more that I could wear during the day. Melissa has some really cute but casual dresses she wears and looks awesome in; I think she got them at Old Navy so I will have to go there and look. It was about 6:15 when we were on our way and going into Portland there was no traffic so it didn’t take long. I found a parking spot right on the corner in front. We went in and Melissa was already there so we went and got a table, well booth and waited for Nicole to arrive. Now the staff here is awesome but really everywhere we go, we seem to get treated really well. Our waitress came and took our drink orders. Just about that time Nicole came in so we were all there. Of course, I had to get my selfie for my blog.

We talked for a little bit before we ordered. These Wednesday night dinners are really a great social event and gives us a chance to talk and get to know each other better or catch up on what is new in our lives. It really is no different then what other people do when they go out. I really can’t explain why it is so much fun as the whole time I am out I am not thinking about how I am dressed. It really is just friends going out for dinner.

Our waitress brought our drinks and we all ordered dinner and yes, I had my normal meal, Chicken fried Chicken. It really is good. Melissa and Julie also ordered their normal dinners also. Soon our dinners came and we had a nice dinner as the 4 of us sat and talked, it really was a fun and enjoyable evening and of course the food was awesome. Now Nicole was also out Saturday night at the Escape with me but it was still nice to get to see her again. When she was down earlier in the summer her older daughter came with her and I had told her daughter I would sing Karaoke with her the next time she came down so on Saturday night I had told Nicole about my singing the last couple weeks with other people and that I was ready to sing with her daughter and she texted her the song I wanted to do, I’ve had the time of my life, so her daughter texted her back she would practice for when she comes down next so at some point I will be singing with her daughter.

We finished dinner and sat and talked and of course more pictures were taken, Melissa took a selfie and it was awesome, she looked so good in the picture but then she always looks good as did Nicole and Julie. Really, we all put effort into looking our best and although I know we don’t pass I think we do a good job trying to present ourselves like ladies and that is what it is all about. I am sure we got a few looks from people but no one stared or pointed at us or said anything and to me that is passing. I did get a picture with Julie; wish I had got one with Nicole and Melissa and maybe a group picture. Wil have to work on remembering that next time.

Julie ordered a desert and I am trying to be good so I didn’t although I know I will have a few bites of Julies as the desserts here are on the big side. We sat and kept talking and soon it was after 9:30, it is amazing how fast the time goes when I am out with my friends. Our waitress came with our bills all split out, as I said our waitress was awesome. She told us her name but as usual I forgot as I am bad with names and it is 4 days later, I am writing this blog. I really do need to get back to writing my blog the next day.

We all left and said our goodbyes out front before we went our separate ways well not Julie and I as we rode together. It is a way to keep the evening going a little longer as Julie and I kept talking on the drive back to her house. We got to her house a little after 10 and I dropped her off. The next couple weeks Julie won’t be out as she need to go south and get her other house ready for the winter and then she will be back for a little while before her and Trixie head south for the winter. They like to go someplace warm for the winter, it will be sad when that happens as I won’t get to see her every week but I am sure she will come up every once in a while, and in the spring just as the flowers come back so will they.

I dropped her off and drove home. it was a wonderful night made even more special by spending it with my friends. When I first started going out it was all about being out as Susan now it really is about spending time with my wonderful friends. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

September 1, 2019 Posted by | Dinner out, Out and about as Susan | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Wednesday night BBQ

Okay I am once again more than a week behind in posting my blogs so back in time we go. On August 14th Julie had a BBQ at her house and she invited about 20 girls over for the BBQ, what a wonderful thing to do. Now one of the nicer things was she invited some of our new members and the spouses so they could meet other spouses. We actually have a lot of members who are married or in relationships with women. I would say over half of those showing up came with a significant other. Now we will test my memory of who was there, the one bad thing about waiting so long to write my blog. Julie and Trixie of course as they hosted it. Peggy and Cassandra as Peggy helped, Kimberly. Kris, Karren, Joan, Mellissa and her wife, Patty and her girlfriend, Danika and her wife, Jennifer and her wife, Veronica, Jennie, myself and I am sure I am missing 1 or 2 as I am pretty sure we had 20 there.

Now I rushed to get there and it turns out I was one of the first ones to arrive which was nice as I got to talk with Peggy for a while. I met Peggy back in the fall of 2008 and she is so nice. She is so supportive of Cassandra and really all of us t-girls in the group. Now I don’t want to sound like I am playing favorites because all of my friends in the group are awesome and such a big part of my life but Peggy, Cassandra and Julie are really my best friends on both sides of who I am. They know both sides of me and we have done things together both as female and our male selves and that is something years ago, I would never have thought possible. I would have never thought I would tell people about both sides of me. There are a few other girls who have met my male side also.

Well with traffic it took a little while for everyone to arrive but we had a nice time visiting while we waited and of course there were all kinds of snack, Julie and Trixie really went over board on food and drinks. Julie was the grill goddess as she grilled all the steaks for everyone and did a fabulous job. Soon we were all seated at the table to eat. Now it was one long table so now you could only really talk with those around you. I got to sit between Peggy and Julie and Cassandra, Jennie and Veronica were across from me so that was really my little group I got to talk with. It was a lot of fun. Now of course I took some pictures of the group and of course I had to get a couple with our hostess Julie. It was such a fun time and went buy way to fast.

It was almost 10 when we had finished eating dinner, desert and talking and girls started to leave. We all carried some things inside but Julie would have a lot of cleanup after. We all asked if we could help but Julie said she would take care of it tomorrow. It really is so wonderful of Julie to host such an awesome event, thanks so much Julie, and Trixie and Peggy for helping. To open your home like this takes a special person.

Thanks for reading and be sure and check out my most recent blog to see what I am up to now.

August 24, 2019 Posted by | Dinner out, Out and about as Susan | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Sunday Susan time

It is Sunday and I have a little free time. I got home a little after 3 and had the rest of the day free, the only thing I really wanted to do was write my blog from Saturday night as I really a trying to get back into posting my blogs quicker. By the way this is my 1,202 blog I have written, I never would have thought I would write that many blogs or go out that much. I have really grown as Susan and who I am over the last 10 years. Well I figured why not go to Starbucks as Susan and write my blog and catch up on other things.

I got to Starbucks about 4:30 and they were not busy at all, thinking the nice hot weather people were either outside enjoying it or in their homes trying to stay cool, it is 93 here today which for this area is hot. Now I like to sit along the windows at one of the tables as I can look outside and also, I can plug my computer in as my battery doesn’t last long enough if I am here till 8:30. Now they have 3 tables along the window and yes all 3 were taken and what was sad I there were only 3 people inside. I had to take a table in the middle which is okay as my battery will last a few hours and I am sure one of them will leave before my battery goes dead.

I got my drink and sat down and worked on my blog from Saturday night. I was about halfway done with it when one of the people along the widow left so I moved over to that table. People came and went very few stayed inside, on the other hand the drive through was busy. It really was a relaxing time at Starbucks, I don’t know why I enjoy my time here, but I do. Everything I did I could have done from home but there is just something about becoming Susan and going to Starbucks. I remember the first times I went to Starbuck, I would spend an hour or more getting ready, drive almost 15 miles to get away from where I lived to spend an hour or so there and then drive all the way home and remove all traces of Susan. I still take the time to become Susan, but I go to one less than a mile from my house. Susan is a part of me, and I need to be able to express her on a regular basis.

I stayed her till about 7:30 and then decided it was time to leave. I stopped by the Subway on the way home to get something g to eat. I went in and it turns out their credit card machine was down and yes, I am one of those people who don’t carry cash, I live off my credit card as I get rebates. Before you get worried though I pay it off every month, so I do not have credit card debt. I want my money to go for Susan not interest on a credit card. So, I left her and was thinking where else I can go for dinner. I was going to go to Panda Express by my house. I pulled in and I did decide not to go in. I eat at this one pretty regular as in at least once a week and I always get the same thing the same way and as several of the girls have worked here for a while they actually know what I want when I come in including the extra sauce on the rice. I figured it would be to easy to figure it out as I could see both the girls who regularly help me were working so I went over to the other Subway and went in and ordered a sandwich to go.

It was a relaxing fun day out and I always feel better after having some Susan time. Thanks for reading and be sure and check out my most recent blog to see what in new in my life.

August 6, 2019 Posted by | crossdressing, Starbucks | Leave a comment

Yes, another Saturday night at the Escape

It is Saturday and once again I get to go out as Susan, yes, I will be going to the Escape tonight. Now I pretty much go here every Saturday night and that may seem boring to some but there is a good reason. Now on our Wednesday night dinners we go to a bunch of different places to eat and it can sometimes be 4 to 6 months before we go to the same place twice which really is fun and nice but it is also good to have a regular place where some just know wee will be there and can get use to and feel really comfortable especially if they are new to going out. I remember when I first started going out, we went to Embers every Friday night and really most Saturday night. it didn’t matter which week it was I just knew I could go there and find friends and it became a real comfortable place to go. So, I really like the idea of having a night that everyone just knows they can go there and have others there. Now my plan was to get there between 6 & 7 as I had some things I needed to do, yes I needed to do some work in my yard but it was a hot day upper 80’s and so I didn’t last long outside, I like my air conditioned house better so I went in early and started getting ready so I was on my way by 5.

I got to the Escape at 5:30 and actually had to park on the street. Now they were a little busy but most were sitting at the bar so I got my normal table and set up my computer and then ordered dinner, my normal hamburger. I wrote my blog from Wednesday’s night dinner and then caught up on e-mails as I waited for others to show up. Bobbie was the first to show up about 6:30 and Michele wasn’t far behind her so we had 3 of us here early. It is nice to get there early as you can talk before it gets to loud. I really do like this time just sitting around and talking, one of the big differences between my male and female sides.

Audri was the next to arrive, she has come out briefly with us a couple times before but she got her tonight early so was able to spend more time with us. It was really great to talk with her and get to know her better. I even got a picture with her that she said I could post, very important as I won’t post someone else’s picture without their permission. I think Audri had fun tonight as she was always smiling, I remember when I first went out, I always had a smile on my face as I was just so happy to be able to be out as Susan.

Now we had a lady sitting at the next table named Cynthia and she came over to talk to us. She is not trans but really was interested in us and I think she liked trans woman. So, we all talked with her and she must have sat at our table talking with us for an hour or so. It was really nice as I always enjoy getting to know new people. The funny thing is in talking to her I found out where she lives and it is only a mile or so from where I live. Be interesting if I run into her sometime when I am not Susan.

Laura M also showed up as she was picking her girlfriend up at the airport a little later so she joined us for a little while. It was great to see her again. Jennie also showed up tonight which was a surprise as it is always on a Wednesday night dinner when she shows up. I got to talk to them a little which was nice. Wendy and another girl also showed up so we had a really good group tonight. Lauri also showed up about 10, I always know it is close to the time for me to leave as I am not the late-night girl I use to be.

Now it was hard to talk now with Karaoke going so we would talk between the songs and we just had a wonderful evening. It was finally time for Audri to leave I think she had a fun night and I hope she will come out with the group again, maybe a Wednesday night dinner. I stayed a little later as it was a little after 11 when I paid my bill and called it a night. here is a picture I took in my car when I got here tonight. It really was a wonderful night out.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what I am up to as Susan

July 23, 2019 Posted by | Escape Bar & Grill, Out and about as Susan | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My first time going out someplace as Susan

Okay last week I posted a blog from Starbucks’s about my journey to be who I am and I got some good feedback on that. I was hoping by sharing it might help others trying to get out for the first time. Now I remember the night really well as most of us do as it is such a pivotal point in our lives, I just can’t remember exactly when it was. I think it was in the late 90’s maybe 1998 or 1999 but the date is not important.

I stated off dressing just at home and then late-night drives and maybe Burger Kings drive through and once or twice if I was out late enough, past 2:30am when alcohol sales end I did hit a 7-11 to buy some milk just to see and that was so scary. I also rented a motel room a couple times for a weekend and went and got acrylic nails but again I spent the day either in the motel room or I went out as my male self and kept my hands in my pocket and then did late night drives and I made sure my nail appointment was the last of the night so the fewest people saw me. Now that was over, I was bound and determined to go out as Susan and be seen. I had herd of a place called Embers, it is closed now. It was bar with a dance floor in back and they did Drag shows a couple nights a week and I had herd other t-girls went there so it was perfect. Now as I don’t remember the actual date, I do know it was warm outside so I am thinking it was late spring or summer.

I got all dressed up on a Saturday night, did my makeup without the lipstick. Put my dress on and heels and then a big coat over it with my wig on the seat next to me I put on my sunglasses, pulled the visor down and opened my garage door and pulled out and I was on my way. I stopped at a park and took my coat off, put my hair on and did my lipstick in the rearview mirror. This was a lot of work and effort to get this far, the hard part was over or at least I thought. I drove downtown Portland and found Embers, they had a parking lot across the street but you had to pay and I just couldn’t bring myself to do that so I drove around a little and found a spot across the street about half a block up facing Embers and as it was almost 8 I didn’t have to pay to park. Now it was just walking about 200 feet to the corner, crossing the street and going in piece of cake right, no it is not.

There were people parking and walking on the sidewalks and coming and going not only from Embers but other businesses around. I sat in my car till it was clear and then I started to open the door and here came someone else. This went on and on and I sat there unable to get out of the car. I kept looking over and my goal was so close but yet so far and then finally a little after 9, more than an hour sitting in my car I gave up and drove home. I just couldn’t get out of the car. I was so scared and when I got home, I was so disappointed. All that effort to get out of the house and go out and this was how it ended but I told myself that was it. Next Saturday I was going to do it. All week long I thought about what went wrong and the fact I just didn’t know about all the people out so now I was prepared.

Next Saturday came and I went through all the work to go out just like last week and got downtown Portland and parked in almost the same spot. I was ready and then I saw the other people and the same fears came back and once again I sat in the car for a little over an hour before going home disappointed but with the resolve I would do it again next week and I would be successful. Next Saturday came and I went through all the work and got out again and this tie I was able to park a little closer so that would make the difference but again no it wouldn’t. I just couldn’t open the car door. Once again, a little over an hour and I once again was on my way home for the time in weeks but I was determined to do it next week

The following Saturday I once again went through all the work to go out and again I parked almost the same spot. I was going to make it but once again every time I thought it was clear and started to open my door, I saw someone else walking and closed it. I sat there for over an hour and couldn’t get out of the car. I kept going over and over in my mind why not, it was fear. It was about 9:15 and I once again had been sitting in my car for over an hour and once again I gave up. I started my car and was waiting for traffic to clear so I could pull out and wasn’t watching the people walking by when I herd someone tap on my car window. I turned and it was another T-girl so I rolled down the window and she smiled at me and asked if I was going in and if I wanted to walk in with her. I don’t know if she realized what this meant to me but she was like a gift from heaven and I said yes and with her help I got out of my car, scared to death and we walked in together.

Her name was Lori and though I only saw her once after tonight I will forever remember her and her kindness. We went inn and she stayed with me and introduced me to all the security people there and the bar staff. She was wonderful and made me feel so welcome and not alone. I told her my store I just shared with you and she told me how safe and accepting this place was and then she told me about several other places t-girls go and offered to take me so about 11:30pm we went out and got in her van and we drove over to CC Slaughters and went in and once again she introduced me to the staff. We also walked around the corner to fox and Hound and checked that out and then over to Habbo’s. then back in her van and over to another place I can’t remember the name and checked it out introducing me to the staff again. It was after 1 am now and we once again were back in her van and we drove several blocks to Pan a Rama to check that place out, they charge a cover but only on men so we got to go in for free. We stayed here till almost 3am before leaving. Back in her van and she drove me back to my car and told me she hoped to see me out again. I couldn’t thank her enough as it was probably the best night of my life. I was so excited and on such a high I could barely contain myself as I got in my car and drove home. I git home and went to my room and collapsed on the bed and I was out till morning. I woke up just as I was the night before still wearing the same dress and makeup.

I took a shower and cleaned up and had breakfast as I replayed the night before in my mind. It was so awesome and such a dream came true and then reality set in. I thought to myself, my god I got in a strange girl van I had just met and went off with her all over town. Even as my male self I would not have done that, it worked out well but it did scare me as I was so happy to meet someone like me that I dud let my guard down. Now don’t get me wrong Lori was an awesome person and an answer to my prayers but I did make a mental not to be more careful when I was out. Now it was several months before I went out again and I ran into Lori and thanked her again and I hope she knows what that night meant to me. But as I was only going out every few months that was the last time, I saw her. I often wonder what happened to her. she showed me a kindness I could never repay and so I try to help other girls trying to go out for the first time and if this store can help it is well worth the post.

A little long but I hope if you read it you got something out of it. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what I am up to now.

July 16, 2019 Posted by | Advice and tips, Out and about as Susan, Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Sunday Susan time at Starbucks but first a badly needed pedicure

It is Sunday and I have some free time and that means Susan time. My plan was to go to Starbucks and write my Blog from Saturday night, I am going to make an effort to post them quicker. I started getting ready about 2:30 so it was a little earlier. I got my makeup done and got dressed, I went casual as my time at Starbucks is to blend in the best I can. Now don’t get me wrong I know I don’t pass but when I go out the goal is to be accepted and treated as a lady and to me that is passing and that does mean dressing appropriate for where I am going. Now I wore my black leggings that come mid-calf, a nice top and sandals and yes that also means hip pads to fill out my hips and my corset to suck everything else in and give me a nice shape. I was all ready and it was about 3:45 and I looked at my toes and I really do need a pedicure. I think I have been putting it off as I am not sure where to go. I went to Dream Nails for several years and I really do like them and they treated me so wonderful but it has been over a year since I was there and I feel a little off just going in there now as I was going there every 2 to 3 weeks for a few years so I debated about going there but in the end I went to Natural nails which is just a few blocks further. This is where I got my pedicure before Diva Las Vegas and they did a wonderful job, as a matter of fact it held up really well. It has grown out and I did get one chip on a toe by I filed the nails down and they still looked good other then the grow out as it was March 20th almost 4 months.

I called them when I was leaving to see if they could fit me in and they could so t told them I would be there in about 10 minutes. I parked and went in and they were a little busy, 5 people getting pedicures and 1 getting her nails filled so I had to wait a few minutes. I picked out my color and yes, I love red but for summer I wanted something a little brighter so I picked a color called That’s Berry Daring pink. I was seated and they started on my pedicure. There were 2 women to my right and 2 woman and a man to my left. Now it is really relaxing in here as they place really soft mellow music and there really is no talking and it wasn’t just me. The ladies doing the pedicures just did the pedicures and most of the people were on their cell phones. That is one of the things I miss about Dream nails as the women there all talked to the people and it just felt more welcoming. Don’t get me wrong they do a wonderful job but I think as Susan I like the more social aspect of it. Now it was a little warm inside here of course I probably didn’t help I was wearing a corset underneath. The girl did a wonderful job on my feet and they look and feel so much better. Now they were busy and people kept coming in and they all seemed to be just walk-ins. Probably why I was able to get in.

A man brought an older man in for a pedicure as I am guessing he was unable to cut his own toenails. I actually thought about doing this for my dad before he passed away but as he didn’t know about Susan I didn’t. there were also 2 high school boys that came in, I am guessing 16 or so and they wanted to get pedicures. I have seen men getting pedicures but this is the first time I have seen boys that young. I am taking this as a good sign that maybe men going to nails salons is becoming more acceptable. I was there a little over an hour before I was done and on may way. I kind of wanted to wait a little and see if the young boys got a color put on but it was a little after 5 and I needed to get to Starbucks and write my blog from last night and start on this one so I can have this one done and posted by tomorrow.

It was about 5:15 when I got to Starbucks and they were a little busy but most were sitting out front at the tables outside which I thought about as it is a beautiful day, about 82 out but in the shade it is perfect. But as I said all the tables outside were taken o I went in and got one by the window and went and ordered my drink. One of the girls behind the counter making the drinks greeted me by name and asked how my day was going. That just make you feel wonderful inside and I know it is part of their job to learn the regular’s names but still an awesome feeling. This is what I was talking about as far as passing in public. I know she knows I was not born female but still she treated me as if I was. Girl if you can go out and have this happen to you, you have passed, I have gone to many different Starbucks over the years and I have always been treated this way at all of them. Yes, I have gotten a couple looks at first at a couple but once they realize who I am then everything is good.

I caught up on some e-mails and wrote my blog from last night and then started on this one. Now I was going to write today about my first time really going out somewhere but as I did the pedicure and that took up part of this blog and I don’t want to go to long as I feel that is a lot to ask for you to read a book, I try to keep my blogs around 1,000 words so I think I will make that its own blog post about my first time out so you can look for that hopefully in the next few days.

I stayed here till almost 8 before leaving and heading for home. I made a quick stop for gas and something to eat on the way. thanks for reading and be sure and check out my newest blog for what is new in my life.

July 15, 2019 Posted by | Manicure & pedicure, nail salon, Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Saturday evening at the Escape

It is Saturday and that means I get to go out tonight to the Escape and see my friends. I posted in the group I would be there by 6 but it looks like I may make it a little earlier as I got home a little earlier. I know Kris and Bobbie will be there but not sure who else will show up. Okay I have to give a funny story; I got an e-mail last week and didn’t recognize the e-mail address so I let it go for a few hours before I took the time to read it. I opened the e-mail and it started off I Susan and then there was some writing but before I could read it my eyes were drawn down further because in a huge font that stood out was my male name and address. My heart jumped in my throat for a moment till I read the e-mail. Turns out it was from my attorney and they had collected some money from our P-club case years ago and were going to send out small checks again, seems to come about every 12 to 18 months and is out 3rd such payment. They are small and I don’t think it even covers the interest that is being charged to him so he probably owes us more than when this started. Well back to tonight.

I started getting ready about 3:45 so I was all ready by 5 and on my way. Now I know one of my neighbors knows and have to believe others do although no one has said a thing. I only say this as I opened my garage door to leave my older neighbor across the street, the one I know the best was out front in his wheel chair getting some sun. he wasn’t looking my way so I just pulled out. 2 houses down the lady living there was working on her front yard right by the street and as I drove by, she looked right at me. The next house down the man living there was in the street by his car as I drove by and the house at the end both the man and woman living there were out working in their front yard. The problem with summer and ice weather. A few years back I would not have left till they went in now I just don’t care. I got to the Escape about 5:20 and got a parking spot right in front and went in. I brought my computer and sweater as it tends to be cold inside on hot days as they have the air conditioner up, reason I wear my ankle boots instead of open toes heels. Now Bobbie was already here as it turns out his ride dropped him off about 3:45.

We got one of the big tables with hopes we would have a good turnout tonight. I ordered dinner, my usual hamburger which is awesome actually everything I have had here is good. Now Bobbie was watching the Basketball game so I took the time to write my blog from Wednesday night dinner which was awesome. We had been here about 45 minutes and Bobbie went outside to sit at one of the tables and when I finished my blog, I went out for about 15 minutes to get warm I did get a selfie of me while I was out side.

I went back in and sat down at our table and a few minutes later Betty showed up. It was great to see her again, she has been here a couple times but it was several months ago although I did see her at the Trans parade in Portland. Now it was early so it was still quiet and we had a good chance to catch up on what is new and get to know each other better which I really enjoy. There is just something I enjoy as Susan talking with others. I think I may have convinced her to go to Diva Las Vegas next year as she has not been to Las Vegas since the late 70’s, I think she would have a blast.

Bobbie came back in and Michele also showed up as did Kris so we had a nice small group tonight and was very easy to talk with everyone which make it awesome as I don’t feel like someone I getting left out. The other girls ordered food and we just sat and had a wonderful time. It was after 8 and Wendy showed up. I have met her a couple times before so it was nice to see her again also. Now I was talking with Betty and she asked me what kind of phone I have; it is a Samsung Galaxy 8 and I love it. It is my 3rd Samsung and I would highly recommend them. She has an Apple and I am not saying they are bad I just prefer the Samsung. Any way she was not happy with the pictures hers takes and it may be an old phone so I took a couple with my phone of us and she thought they were awesome. If you have a phone that does not take good pictures try a Samsung. Well I texted her the pictures but forgot to ask if I could post them but since she posted them on her Facebook, I feel safe in posting one in my blog. I love to have my picture taken and posted but I know some girls don’t so I always ask.

By 9 Karaoke started and it was getting busy as it always does but it also gets louder and harder to talk, so we would listen to the singing and talk between songs. Kris got up and sang a few times. Now there are some really good singers here and a few not so good but hey if you can get up and try you are good as I still haven’t mastered that at least not by myself. One of the ladies who works Trixie here got off early but she stayed and hung out with her friends and tonight she sang a song. She may have sung before but if she did, I must have missed it but any way she did great also.

It was about 9:45 and Lauri showed up and all of us were still here so we had 7 of us here tonight. Now I usually get here early try for 6 so by 10 I am ready to call it a night. I am just not the late-night girls I use to be. When I first started going out it was usually 8 or 9 when I went out maybe later during the summer when it was light later and it was usually 2 or 2:30 when I left for home, yes I use to close down the bars and sometimes I would go out for something to eat or dessert, only did this a couple times once with Veronica. Any way I was having so much fun I stayed later tonight. It was almost 11:30 when I called it a night. it really is sad when the night comes to an end and I know I have to go home and change back to my male self. Now don’t get the wrong ideas as I am not going to Transition and have no plans to go full time but Susan is so limited 2 to 3 nights a week that it really is sad when she goes away.

Anyway, it was a wonderful night made more special by my friends. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what in going on now in my life.

July 14, 2019 Posted by | Escape Bar & Grill, Out and about as Susan | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Wednesday night dinner at Henry’s

It is Wednesday and we are doing dinner at Henry’s Tavern downtown Portland; Cassandra is setting this one up and made reservations. One of our members from Nebraska is in town for a couple days so Cassandra is coming out for the night I am looking forward to it as it will be good to see Cassandra again but also Robin as I have not seen her since Diva Las Vegas. Bow it turns out we will have a good turnout as a lot of girls want to go, we have 16 going with 1 maybe.

Now I get home later now so it is always a rush and tonight there was a lot of traffic so it was almost 5:40 when I got home so I started getting ready right away. I can get ready in 45 minutes if I have to but I don’t get the time to enjoy my transformation but it was about being downtown by 7 and I wasn’t sure how bad traffic would be going into Portland. Now I had my outfit all picked out from the night before and I knew just how I wanted to do my makeup so that helps. Well things went just right and I think I set a record as I was pulling out of my garage at 6:15. 35 minutes from walking in the door as my male self to leaving in my car as Susan. my luck held as there was no traffic going into Portland and I went right for the parking garage a block away. I was walking into Henry’s right behind Cassandra, Robin and Veronica at 6:35 so I had time to spare.

It was great to see them again; I saw Cassandra a while back at a Wednesday night dinner as she comes out every once in a while, but I have not seen Veronica or Robin since Las Vegas back the beginning of April which is not that long ago just seems like it. They told us they would have our table ready by 7 so we went into the bar to wait. Jan, Lynn, Melissa, Dawnie and April were all there waiting. Now this is the first time I have met Dawnie and April, Cassandra and Robin know them from online but it is the first me they have come out with the group. Actually, it is the first time April has ever been out which is always fun. There is just something about sharing someone’s first time out as you think about your fist time out. My blog from last Sunday talked a little about my journey as Susan from when I first figured out, I liked this side of my life and I got some good feedback on it so I think this coming Sunday when I go to Starbucks I think I will write about my actual first real night going out as it may help some still struggling with this part of their lives.

Well we sat and talked and waited till it was time to go to our table. Jennifer & her wife Marge, Kimberly, Barb, Rickie and her wife Judy, Kris and Joanie so we had 17 here tonight one of our bigger turnouts. Years ago, we were happy if we could get 8 to 10 out on a Friday or Saturday at Embers which was a LGBT bar and very Trans friendly and now, we are getting 17 out on a Wednesday night just for a dinner at a restaurant. We have come a long way. Now I tried to sit closer to the middle of the table so I could talk with as many as possible but with 8 on one side and 9 on the other there was just no way to talk with everyone. We ordered drinks and appetizers, Henry’s has an awesome large pretzel and cheese dips and also chicken tenders so I ordered 1 and Cassandra the other and we split. Really didn’t need that much before we ate but it was so good.

Now I got to talk mostly with Kris to my left, April to my right and then Kimberly, Cassandra and Joanie across from me, the rest I talked a little with but I had to talk past people which is hard. It was nice to talk with April being her first time out and she did awesome. I really wouldn’t have known had she not told me. Now I did get a couple selfies, one in the car and one in Henry’s but I wish we had gotten a group picture of everyone as it was such a good turnout tonight. Our waiter tonight was awesome but then again, every time we have come here, we have always been treated wonderful and had awesome servers.

Our food came and we ate dinner and kept talking, conversations going on at both ends of the table and in the middle and it was just a wonderful night out with my awesome friends. Now it was all I could do to finish my dinner after the appetizers I had earlier but I some how managed, several of the girls took home leftovers but I have never been big on leftovers plus I was always told to clean my plate when I was growing up and that is a hard habit to break, probably why I have a hard time loosing weight. That dinner was over it was time for dessert and of course it all looked good and I so wanted some but as I was full and I really am trying to cut sweets out and hopefully lose some weight I managed to get my will power up and just say no. a few of the girls did order dessert including Cassandra across from me, she got the half order of a brownie Sunday and trust me a half order could feed 2 easily and it came with 2 spoons. She tried to get me to have some and I thought about having 1 bite but I know me and there is no such thing as 1 bite for me. I have will power only as long as I don’t have any, once I start eating sweets it’s over.

After we finished, we sat and talked for a while before some of the girls started to leave, it was about 9:30 when the first left but some of us stayed as I know for me, I just didn’t want the night to end. Cassandra, Robin, Dawnie and April all wanted a picture of them together so I took several of them for them. It really will be a wonderful memory for Dawne and especially April of her first night out. I have a few pictures from early on but none from my first night out as yes that was before smart phones with camera’s. Makes me feel old to admit that. By now we had all paid our bills and even though they put an 18% tip on parties over 8 as do almost all restaurants when we asked our waiter about this he said he didn’t as he wanted to trust in his smile and service and I can tell you that was the right choice as I am sure he did better then the 18%, he really was great.

At the end it was just Veronica, Robin, Cassandra (they all road together), Joanie and me and we left a little after 10, it really was a wonderful night out and again how easily we all waked to our cars. Years ago, it was everything I could do just to get out of my car now I don’t even give it a second thought. Life really is wonderful as Susan with my friends.

Thanks for reading and be sure to read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

July 13, 2019 Posted by | Dinner out, Out and about as Susan | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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