Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

A little Starbucks time tonight and some thoughts on crossdressing.

Well it is another busy week for both my male and female self; I had not planned on going out last night as Susan and at the last minute went out to dinner with some of my friends. Now it is Thursday which I had planned on going to Starbucks which is where I find myself right now. It was a rush tonight as I got home late so a quick bite to eat and time to start getting ready.

Starbucks is not real busy tonight so not a lot of people watching but gives me a good chance to catch up on e-mails, chat and of course my blog. It is funny some of the e-mails I get from people. I got one recently that was interesting as the crossdresser who sent it started off by telling me how pretty I am and passable and what girl doesn’t want to hear that. The truth is I know I am not passable but I do think of myself as pretty. Any way this got me thinking about how we perceive ourselves and what our goals are. I have many friends in the transgender community and what I have found is almost everyone has different ideas of passing.

When I was young I truly believed I could dress and pass 100% but with age I have come to realize this really is not possible for most crossdressers. What really is important is self acceptance. If we can all learn to accept ourselves for who we are and be okay with it that will show through to other people. I go out a couple times a week and have for the most part not had any problems. I think once I accepted that most people would realize I was male rather quickly and that was okay it really made it more enjoyable and relaxing to go out.

I think if you can come across self-confident and that you are not doing anything wrong or out of the ordinary most people will accept this. In my case I am a crossdresser and only dress this way a couple times a week but people who meet me don’t know that and I am sure that although they know I was not born female are not sure where in the transgender community I fit. After all most crossdressers do not go out so this probably leads most people to think I am either pre-opt or post-opt transsexual and as such they may not know what to say. The Starbuck I come to is a good example; I have never come here other then when I am out as Susan so I am pretty sure they all think I am at least living full time as Susan. They have never asked or said anything and I have never brought it up; after all it is kind of hard to work into a conversation. They accept me as Susan and treat me accordingly and so I am happy. For me I don’t have to be passable and fool people to be happy, if I can go out and have people treat me with respect and as I am presenting myself then I have won and I am passing.

I really think that being happy with your life and having things to look forward to is the key. Growing up I had so much guilt about my crossdressing, this is not what a boy did. I did get rid of my things once or twice growing up and many times promised myself I would never crossdress or put on makeup again but in the end I always went back to it. As time went by and I learned to accept this side of me things became clearer. After all why is it that society can say pink is a girls color and suddenly that is a rule. Pink is just a color like any other color. Society tries to fit everyone into neat little groups and what I have found is not everyone can or should fit into those groups. If a man wants to look pretty is that any different than a woman who doesn’t like to wear dresses or makeup. I have a female friend and no she does not know about Susan, but she almost never wears makeup, maybe a little mascara if she is going out someplace special and she does not own one dress, she has two skirts and the only heels she has in on pair of black heel with about a 1 inch heel which I have only seen her wear once. Now that being said she really is a very pretty woman and no one would every say anything to her about not being feminine. Why is it not the same for a man who maybe wants to wear a little eye shadow or lipstick or maybe a skirt. By the way skirts are actually very comfortable to wear as are dresses.

We as a society need to get past how we look or dress and just accept each other for the person they are. If we were to talk on the phone and you could not see me you would never know I am a crossdresser. You would find I have the same interest as any other man plus a few more as I could also carry on a conversation about fashion and makeup. I really am just your average guy next door with one extra interest in my life. Now think about all the people you know as odds are at least one or a few are crossdresser, transgender or transsexual. Most crossdressers hide this part of their lives very well some even from their wives and girlfriends. Now if you suddenly found out one of your friends were a crossdresser what would you do? Would you end the friendship or could you accept the fact you had a friend who is a crossdresser.

Now here is the fun part as I had someone e-mail me and tell me that if they found out a friend crossdressed that nothing would change and as much as that sounds wonderful the fact is things will change. Even if you are totally okay with it you will treat them a little different as you will have to, when they are dressed you will treat them differently then when they are not and that is good. When I am out as Susan I want to be treated as female and not the same way as I would in my male role and yes this does cause issues. For you who have not thought about it being out as a girl does on occasion attract attention from males. This is probably the hardest thing I had to learn to deal with. As a straight crossdresser I am not the least bit interested in men but I will admit it does make one feel good to get the compliment of being attractive enough for a man to notice but at the same time it is unsettling as even though I am Susan I do not have any attraction for men. I look at it as just part of presenting as female. After all women get compliments all the time from men and that doesn’t mean they are attracted to them, plus women also get compliments from other woman and that is okay so why shouldn’t a man be able to pay a compliment without it being strange or weird. I usually just thank them and I will even talk with them. After all it is the polite thing to do and that is the key to being a lady.

Well I kind of got off track here but if you take nothing else away from this blog other than the fact that as a crossdresser I am just as normal as anyone else I just have this one extra thing I enjoy. I am not asking anyone to run out and try crossdressing or that they suddenly have to be my friend, but just respect my right to live how I want and do the things I enjoy just the same way I respect all of you and the way you live your life.

Thanks for reading.

November 29, 2012 Posted by | Advice and tips, Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Wednesday night out for dinner

Well it is Wednesday night and I really hadn’t planned on going out but Cassandra sent a text to the group and wanted to know if we wanted to put $5 in on some Powerball tickets as a group. The jackpot was 550 million dollars so I figured I had to take a chance. Cassandra was going to buy the tickets all we had to do was get her our money so it was an excuse to go out not that I really needed one. Besides it would be nice to go out to dinner with my awesome friends.

I made it downtown by 6:30 and several of the girls were already there, Chris, Roxy, Michelle, Cristine, Cassandra, Kim, Victoria and Amy. I got Cassandra my $5 and I was in. we had a blast talking about what we would all do if we won the jackpot even though we all knew we probably wouldn’t it was fun to think about it.

Well we all moved to a table and ordered dinner as we kept talking about and having a good time. It was after 7 and Cassandra wanted to check the tickets and I just kept saying let’s wait after all till we checked the tickets we were all winners and having so much fun. Cassandra finally couldn’t take it anymore and went and checked our tickets and we won, well $4 which was better than nothing. Since we had 18 of us put in $5 we had agreed to take our winnings and buy another ticket.

Even though we didn’t win we still had a wonderful time. It was fun to spend some time with them and have a great evening out but as always the night went by so fast. Soon it was after 9 and the group was going over to CC Slaughters and it was time for me to head home. I really do have some awesome friends.

November 29, 2012 Posted by | Fox & Hound | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friday night after Thanksgiving

I just wanted to start by wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving just a little late. I had a wonderful time with my family but as they know nothing about Susan or this side of my life Susan had to be all boxed up and put away for a few days. Actually most is always put away with the makeup which is all over my bathroom. It is funny about how much makeup one does have and you don’t think about it till you really have to make sure it is all put away. Any way as it is something that is not often said which is a shame I would like to let you all know how Thankful I am for all my wonderful friends who read my blog, are friends on facebook or Flickr, you have all in some small way helped shape Susan and become the person she is today. I think the key is to know you are not alone and have friends that will support you, so again Thanks to my great big extended family here and have a safe and happy Holiday season.

Well Friday night and it was time to get ready and go out for a fun night with my friends. I was getting ready and doing my makeup which did take longer tonight as I said I had put it all away so it messed up my routine as things were out of place and I had to look for things and also really think about what I was doing. It really is funny how accustomed we get to things. I really am a creature of habit as I found that I did things out of my normal order as I really had to think about what I was doing. When I was all done I took one final look in the mirror and something was not right, I had forgot my blush so I took a few moments and put everything back in there places in the drawer so next time it will be easier.

Well I was out the door and on my way and it was really raining so traffic was slow so it took just a little longer to get to Sweethome than normal. There parking lot was already full which isn’t saying much since they only have room for 4 cars so I had to park on the street which isn’t that bad except for the rain which had eased up some but as I was worried about my makeup I had to use my umbrella. This is one of those differences between male and female self, my male self would not have cared about this light of a rain.

Inside I found that Cassandra, Chris and Roxy were already there, they tend to get there earlier as Roxy has to work early on Saturdays so she doesn’t stay out to late. We talked a little especially about our Thanksgiving. Chris went over to Cassandra’s house and cooked Thanksgiving dinner and they had several of the group over which is nice. Well as normal it wasn’t long before more girls started to show up, we are starting to get our normal Friday night group back like we use to have before the P-Club asked us not to come back. I do think having a normal place we go every Friday night does help make it easier for some girls to get out as they feel more comfortable which is good but it can also be nice to try new places. Cassandra and I talked about it as we both also like the Boiler room, we talked about maybe doing a Saturday night out at the Boiler room maybe once a month which would be fun as we always have a fun time there also. Well we all ordered dinner, tonight’s special was chicken cordon blue which was very good by the way, they really do have good food here.

It was time to play some pool so I put my quarters on the table to play the winner and it turns out I got to play Cassandra who is probably our best player so she is the one everyone wants to win against. It was a good game and I was making some good shots but I still had 2 balls when Cassandra got to the 8 ball, she missed so it was my turn and I did well. I sunk both balls and the 8 ball to win so my night was awesome. I played a couple more games before losing. I made an effort to talk at least a little with everyone from our group tonight, sure hope I didn’t miss anyone.

Heather one of the girls from the Karaoke group that comes in was there, she is always so nice and talks with us and treats us all wonderful. She had on this really cute black dress and heels and looks so cute; I had to tell her how beautiful she looked. This is always a hard thing to do as I never want to come across as making it sound like they didn’t look good before which she always looks good but there is just something about a woman in a dress and heels that makes a statement. For me and our group we tend to always were dresses and heels when we can and I think it is because we only get to do it on a limited basis were as if you can dress this way all the time then I can see where it might not be as big of a deal.

Lorraine also made it again tonight which is always awesome; she is so wonderful and fun to be around. We had a good time talking and she even played Cassandra a game of pool and almost won. I got a chance to play pool again and won 5 games in a row including two games against regulars not from our group. It is so cool that we can intermingle with the other customers here and have a good time. I can really see where my pool game has improved over the last 2 years as I play more.

Well it was time for Karaoke and of course Chris, Lorraine and Lynn all sang and did an awesome job, actually everyone who sang did a great job. It would be fun to get up there and sing if I could just get over my fear of what people would think. It still amazes me that I worry about what they think of my singing but am so at ease about going out as Susan, any way Lorraine asked me several time what I was going to sing and I kind of promised her I would sing next week so now I have that to think about.

Any way we had another awesome night out and soon it was almost 1 which is earlier than we normal leave but with the busy last couple days we were all tired so we called it a night. As we left it was raining and you could see it had been raining hard from all the standing water in the parking lot so out came my umbrella again. Now this is the only bad part of being Susan, as I stepped out I had to walk through little puddles of water and as I had on my heels with open toes my feet got wet, well only my toes as my heels could have gone through a 3″ puddle and stayed dry. My toes got wet and cold but there was nothing I could do but keep going, the one drawback to open toed heels, they are not warm and will not keep your feet dry in the rain but it is a small price to pay for such cute shoes.

Now on the way home I was thinking, my toes are starting to look bad and I need a pedicure but with the busy time of year now I am not sure when I will have time to go and get one which by the way is awesome so I decided I will do my own again. Of course I don’t have any nail polish remover at home which means stopping at a store on the way home. So I made a quick stop at Walgreens for some nail polish remover and a bottle of top coat. So that is going to be my Saturday afternoon me time, watching a movie and painting my toes a pretty red color, what better way to spend a relaxing day.

Thanks for reading.

November 24, 2012 Posted by | Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Enjoying a Friday night with my friends

Well it has been another long week and I am so glad it is Friday as I need some time to unwind and what better way than spending time with friends. Now I know my blogs can be a little boring and repetitive as for the most part it tends to be the same thing a lot of the time but this blog really is about my life as Susan and a way for me to record what happens in my life as Susan. Well today I got off a little early as I put in some extra hours earlier in the week which gave me extra time getting ready which I took advantage of. Any way I was ready earlier than normal so off I went planning on getting to sweethome early but even the best plans are never cut in stone. There was so much traffic that it took me twice as long to get there so it was still a little after 7 when I arrived and I was not the only one as Cassandra was the only one there when I arrived. But even with the traffic and weather issues I was still relaxed and in a good mood, one of the advantages of Susan. She has such a calming effect on me nothing really bothers me.

Well it wasn’t long and others started to show up, I guess traffic was bad every place. Chris, Roxy, Cristine, Bobbie, Michelle, Julie, Guinn, Alicia, Diane, Christy, Petra, Silver, Jan, & Lynn all showed up, god I hope I didn’t miss anyone. Well we chatted for a while and then ordered dinner. It is nice to see more of the girls coming out on a regular basis.

I chatted a little with Alicia but as always you try to mingle and talk with everyone but at some point you get caught up in a conversation and there you sit so I didn’t get to talk with her as much as I would like. It was great to see Diane again; she makes it to Portland about once a month so always fun to chat with her. She is working towards transitioning so we talked about this for a while. She also asked me when I was going to Transition which is always cute as she knows I am not going to but I do get this same question a lot in e-mails. I think it is because people can understand transsexuals easier than crossdressers. I means someone who wants to be the opposite sex or feels they should have been born the opposite sex is easier to understand than someone who just wants to be the opposite sex for only part of their life or for short periods. Even for those in the gender community it can be hard.

I can kind of understand someone who feels they should be or should have been born the opposite sex but I truly don’t fully understand as I do not share those feelings and it is the same for them as they have such strong feeling to transition that they can’t understand why I would want to dress and present as a woman and not want to transition. For a transsexual this is who they are who they identify as, who they need to be. for me Susan is a part of me and yes she is part of who I am as is my male self, yes I do identify as Susan as I do my male self, and yes I do need to be Susan the same way I need to be my male self. Susan is a very important part of my life and who I am but so is my male side, I need both to be happy. Another way to look at it is I love to go camping and spend time out in the woods however I do not plan on selling my house and everything I own and moving into the woods in a tent. I also like having a nice warm house to come home to, watch TV and yes has indoor plumbing. Now this is me and how I feel, what makes me happy and complete. This may not be right for everyone or how they feel. We are all individuals and as such none are the same and that is what makes our group, Rose-City-T-Girls so wonderful. We are all different but understand and respect each other. I have learned so much from others in the group and yes that has shaped who I am. Life is a journey so we never know for sure what life holds. For me it started with a love of makeup and from there went to dressing at home, then going out occasionally, to going out every week and now to feeling comfortable enough to go out pretty much any place I want. Yes over the years Susan has played a bigger role in my life and she is still growing and I suspect in the future she will be an even bigger part but I know she will never be the only part.

The other question is have I ever thought about any permanent changes and I would be lying if I said I have never thought about them. Yes I have thought about permanent hair removal as I really hate shaving, it would make my makeup look so much better but would also free up time every morning that I wouldn’t have to shave and also the money I would save, but at this point not worth it at my age. The second thing I have thought about is getting my ears pierced and I think at some point in the future this will happen. These are the only two permanent changes I have thought about.

Any way back to last night. I had a chance to play pool against Christy which was fun, we played 2 games and I won both but not by much. It gave us a chance to talk and get to know a little more about each other. My next game was against Julie and I played well but just not well enough, Julie won this game so I got to sit down which was nice as I needed to get off my heels so maybe I lost on purpose just so I could sit down, that will be my story.

Lorraine also showed up which is always nice as she is such a fun girl. She joined Diane, Christy and me and we sat and talked for quite a while. It was very enjoyable. I really do have such awesome friends that I have met because of Susan. Well Karaoke started and yes I think Chris sang 4 songs including the theme song to the James Bond movie, Live & Let Die. He did an awesome job. Even Lorraine and Lynn sang both doing great. It is fun to sit and watch Karaoke as some of them are really good. Maybe someday I will work up the courage to get up and sing, it is funny as I worry so much about what people will think if they see me dancing (I can’t dance) or singing but yet I am totally fine going out as Susan and could care less what people think about that, seems a little backwards to me.

Well it was an awesome night and in the end it was just Jan, Lynn, Cassandra and me left from our group. I think we made it till about 1:45 which for this girl is late, seems not that long ago I could stay up that late and still be ready to go; now I start thinking about going home to sleep. Well either way it was an awesome night. With Thanksgiving this next week I will again be very busy as I have family coming into town so Susan will be shut away till next Friday.

Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving.

November 17, 2012 Posted by | Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Catching up on e-mails at Starbuck’s

Well it has been another long week for Susan’s male half. It seems that even with summer over I am just as busy as before. I am still managing to get find time as Susan though. I got home late but was determined to get out tonight as I had a lot of e-mails to catch up on and so much more fun when I can do it as Susan. I started getting ready early so I could take my time as I find the whole experience of Susan fun and relaxing including the time I spend getting ready. I guess if I did this every day and had for years I might feel different maybe but at this point it is still enjoyable. By the time I was ready to leave home I was so relaxed and looking forward to a fun couple hours.

I got to Starbuck’s and they were actually pretty busy, maybe 15 people inside and they were all female, looks like tonight is a girls night out at Starbuck’s. It is great as they remember what I want when I come here which makes you feel welcome and it gave me a chance to talk with Jennifer while she made my drink. Well I got my drink and sat down to work on my computer, wow how wonderful it is to be able to take your laptop with you so you can work almost any place. Starbuck’s is also a great place to people watch as you really do get a good cross section of people, not just the ones who come here to relax but also those who come to get something to go.

Well I got an e-mail from a woman that was wondering what I find so fun about being dressing as a female which got me thinking. It does seem like a good question and so I gave it a lot of thought before I answered her. It really is a hard thing to explain, as it is more about the way I feel. I think simply put I just enjoy it, woman have such pretty cloths. I mean when you think about clothing styles and compare men’s cloths to woman’s there really is a big difference. Men’s cloths are pretty basic, pants and a shirt, if you want to mix it up you change the color of your shirt. Woman’s styles are so much more varied not just in colors but styles. I always wondered why society gives woman such a wide range of choices to express themselves but for men we have such a narrow ran age. Woman can look plan and dress down or go all out to be as pretty as they want and that is okay but for a man to want to look pretty that is frowned upon. We really do have a double standard when it comes to this. For me it is just that simple, sometimes I want to or need to look and feel pretty.

Think about something you really like to do and then imagine someone asks you why you like it. you can give reasons for why you like it but there will be those that still won’t like it and in the end it will come down to the simple fact it is just something you like. Most people seem to think or want something more than a simple answer like that but in the end that is it. I like to be pretty sometimes, I like to wear makeup sometimes; I like to have long pretty nails sometimes. I simple enjoy it and find it relaxing. Even going out in public I find relaxing, most people would think that it would hard to do and when I first started going it was hard, I was scared and there was such a thrill of excitement and yes I do miss that feeling sometimes but for the most part it is this calm relaxing feeling when I am out and to be totally honest a lot of time I even forget that I am not dressed as society would expect. It has become a normal and natural part of who I am and I sometime forget I am dressed different than my born gender.

I really think I have the best of both worlds as I can switch between male and female as I wish. Yes I know I do not pass as female and I do wish I was shorter and not as big as I am. Maybe softer facial features as that would help me pass better but I enjoy both my male and female side. It has taken me many years to get to this point in my life but it was worth the trip. I really do have so many wonderful memories from both sides of me and so many wonderful friends both on my male and female sides. Some of the friends I have made as Susan are awesome and had it not been for my crossdressing I would have never met them and that would have been a shame. They are like family to me and have added so much to my life. Life is a journey and I want to enjoy it all. Besides how many men can say they know what it is like to walk in high heels or put on makeup.

Well it has been fun and relaxing for me and I have caught up on all my e-mails, I really am more focused when I am here as Susan. For one there are fewer distractions then at home but also I think the fact I am Susan is so calming and relaxing that it is easier for me to stay focused. Maybe I would have got better grades in school had I been able to be Susan part time back then. Any way thanks for reading and if you have a question or just want to ask me something pleased feel free to ask me. I will do my best to answer but remember it will be just my point of view; I cannot and will not speak for others.

November 15, 2012 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Night out at Harvey’s Comedy Club

Well it is Saturday night and time for are monthly outing to Harvey’s Comedy Club. The group looks forward to this all month long and always such a fun night out. Most of us meet at Fox & Hound around 7 and then head over to Harvey’s from there. It really makes a nice night out.

I got to Fox & Hound and there were already about 8 girls there including Amy and Sandy, they were just out for dinner and not able to go to the show. It was great to see Sandy again as she lives up towards Seattle and doesn’t get down here that much so we are always glad to see her. It was nice to talk with her even if only for a short time, wow had I been thinking I should have gotten a picture with her. A few more girls showed up so we had a good group already.

At 8:30 we all left and walked the 8 blocks to Harvey’s, now it was a little different this time as the temperature was in the low 40 so of course we all had coats or wraps. I really miss the warm summer weather. It really is a nice walk and fun to be out like that plus kind of fun to have about 12 T-girls all walking down the street. We got into the Lounge at Harvey’s and several more of our group was there. Victoria Sinclair was there and brought several girls with her. In all we had a group of 20 of us there. Alicia was also able to make it which was awesome. We had a chance to talk for a while and catch up. Alicia has not been out with us for well over a year.

Soon it was time to go into the show room, Kim our waitress had our tables all set up. Cassandra had e-mailed her as she is so awesome and really likes us. We got inside and all sat down, it was fun watching all the people coming in. the headliner tonight is Julie Scoggins and she was out talking to the people in the crowd which was awesome. All the times we have been there I have never seen one of the comedians do this. She finally came to our tables and was thrilled to see us. Turns out she is 6’2″ tall so she liked being around all us tall girls.

Well the show started and the opening comedian was pretty good and we had a good time. The best part was Julie Scoggins; she was awesome and so funny. Everyone was laughing so much; I think she was one of the best comedians we have seen at Harvey’s. If you ever get a chance to see her you should, you will have a blast. As always the night goes by so fast especially when it is so much fun and so funny.

After the show we went back out to the Lounge and Julie wanted a picture with all us tall girls and of course you know how we all feel about having our picture taken. Soon everyone had their cameras out. I even got a picture of me with Julie. She was so awesome and we probably spent 30 minutes talking with her. She even posted the picture she too with our group on her facebook page.

Well we left and walked back to fox & Hound; now it was cold out about 40 and we were almost back when we ran into 3 girls that were probably in their early 20’s. They had no coats and very cute little black dresses and they looked so cold. 2 of them had these really cute 4″heels and yes they were caring them and walking bare foot. They must have been so cold, to be young and able to do that. Any way it was late and I was really tired after all I have been out late 2 nights in a row so we all said our goodbyes and I decided to go home. It was such a fun night. I really do have some awesome friends.

Thanks for reading

November 11, 2012 Posted by | Harvey's Comedy Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Another Friday night in my life a Susan

Well it is another Friday and another long week so I am glad it is over. I seem to really look forward to Fridays as I get to spend Friday nights not only as Susan but also with my best friends. Don’t get me wrong as I have some awesome friends in my male life also but my male life is and I hate to put it this way but my regular everyday life where Susan is my fun time. I heard a long time ago what keeps you young and healthy is having goals or things you can look forward to and for me that is my time as Susan and I really believe this to be true. So if you do not have goals in your life or something to look forward to you need to find something

Well I was already to leave my house yes I took extra time tonight to get ready as that is part of what I enjoy about being Susan, the getting ready and doing my makeup. Now it gets dark way before I leave and yes I still look out my front window even though at least two of my neighbors know, I guess habits are hard to break. I got in my car in the garage and started it and then opened the door like I have done so many times and started to pull out. I was about half out of the garage when I thought to myself, I had forgot to put perfume on and left my lipstick on the bathroom counter. Now the lipstick was not that big of a concern as I have gotten pretty good with doing my lips that I usually can go the whole night without needing to touch them up but I do so love my perfume and after all, all girls should smell good.

Now normally I would either just skip it for the night or pull back into my garage and shut the door but after all my neighbors do know so I just shut off my car and went back into the house with the door open and finished what needed to be done and then walked back out to my car. It really felt nice not having to hide it.

I got to sweethome and several of the group was already there so you know the group is becoming comfortable there, as when we first started going there if you were there by 7:30 you were the first one there and now some show up before 7. It is nice to get there early as it is less crowded and give us a chance to talk. They do have a juke box that people play and if I had to find one bad thing about this place it is the volume on the juke box but then again where we sit is pretty close to it. Now the conversation did eventually go to politics and the election this week and even in our group of t-girls we have different political views so some were happy and some were not. Now I am not going to get deep into politics here as that is not what this blog is about but however you voted was your right and I support your views, if you did not vote shame on you. We live in a great country and what makes it great is our freedom which we exercise every election and if you don’t vote then you really have no reason to complain. Now I know some people say their vote does not matter and I will admit that can be true but I feel we all still have a duty to vote our conscious. There is a city just north of where I live that twice in the last 20 years have decided their mayor race with a flip of a coin because after the election it was an even tie so people there who didn’t vote felt bad. Okay enough of that. Even talking politics the girls out last night were able to express their views and still be friends in the group. I think this is what makes our group so wonderful. We are all a little different but accept each other for who we are without judging them, wow how wonderful the world would be if everyone could do this.

Well we all ordered dinner and by the way Sweethome has wonderful food and always some kind of dinner special. More girls started to show up around 8 and that always makes it more fun. We had a really good turnout, I would guess 15 but it really is hard to count here as we actually have so much interaction with the other customer here. Not only the staff here but also the customers in general are not only okay with our group being here but they are happy we are here which is awesome and makes you feel great inside.

Lorraine showed up and she is always so much fun, we sat and talked for a while and yes we got on the subject of James Bond as the new Bond opened this week. I really need to go see it as I do like James Bond. Any way we had a good conversation on the subject. Victoria and Michelle came over and joined in and the 4 of us just kept talking. At one point I got out my camera to show Lorraine the pictures from the Halloween party. Lorraine is not a member of our group so all she could see were the pictures I had posted to my facebbok page. It was a lot of fun.

I did play one game of pool against Cassandra and came close to winning but on my 8 ball shot I scratched and lost but had a lot of fun. Cassandra was really on her game and won like 6 in a row so I don’t feel that bad. several of us talked about Diva Las Vegas in the spring and we have 4 that are planning on going and a few more that are thinking about it so that will be a lot of fun.

About 10 they got the Karaoke going and that always brings in people, actually there is another group that most Fridays have more people than our group there, they are known as the Karaoke group in the bar and they are so much fun. We have a blast with them and as I said our groups do tend to intermingle which is awesome. It really is a fun night out and we always have a blast. The hard part is some of us are torn now as it would be nice to try other places and also go back to the Boiler Room. We have also always been treated awesome at the Boiler room and have fun there also. The question is do we pick maybe one Friday a month to go to the Boiler Room or someplace different or do we maybe pick another night like Saturday. Years ago when I joined the group Saturday was the big night out and now on Saturdays we don’t do much except Harvey’s once a month and a party. Fridays are our big night out followed by Wednesday’s and of course now Monday night for football so our group is active 3 nights a week. Maybe I will have to talk to some of the other girls for their thoughts.

Well it was almost 2 when the last of our group, me included left and yet the bar was still busy and Karaoke still going strong. What a fun night but I will feel it tomorrow.

Well thanks for reading and have a great weekend

November 10, 2012 Posted by | Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Susan time at Starbuck’s

Wow I was looking back at my blog and noticed that I have not been going to Starbuck’s as much as I use to, it has been almost a month since I have been here. It is funny as this was always a once a week thing but lately between work and going out with friends, I had hoped once summer was over things would slow down for me. Well as I said I am out at Starbuck’s as I find it a good place to catch up on things including some work. I really find it relaxing to just sit here as Susan and work on my computer, well it is mostly play, e-mails, chat and my blog but I do get some work done and so much better than just sitting at home.

I have also noticed that my blog is getting a lot more hits now which I believe is because the interview I gave on TV about the discrimination complaint a few weeks back. The day after that were the most hits I have ever got on my blog and sense that day I have seen a lot more attention to my blog. This really was not the publicity I wanted or to draw attention to myself and maybe it has nothing to do with it but one hast to wonder. With that I thought I would take a moment and explain about who I am and why I like to be Susan.

First of all I am heterosexual male and live most of my life as a man but a couple nights a week I like to go out as Susan. You may ask why I or any man would want to do that and it is a hard question to answer. I look at Gender as a scale from 0 to 10, 0 being ultra feminine and 10 being a macho male. Most woman float between 2 and 4 sometimes being really feminine dresses makeup and heels and other times being more casual. Men float between 7 and 9 depending what they are doing and who they are with. I think crossdressers float between 3 and 7 and depending on how we feel, what we are doing and who we are with we slide back and forth. When you think about it we really do get the best of both sides. Yes when I am Susan I am more feminine and I act more feminine and the same goes for when I am in my male mode I act as any other male would.

As a crossdresser I enjoy being female and everything that goes with it but it is not my main goal in life. A friend of mine I think explained it well, transsexuals need to be the opposite sex, and it is who they are and how they define themselves. Crossdressers like to be the opposite sex; it is part of who they are. Being Susan is not what defines who I am but rather makes up part of who I am and makes me the person I am. Think about your own life and all the things that make you the person you are. If you take away some of those things you would change who you are and the same is true for me. Well enough of this.

It is way easier now to get out as it is dark by a little after 5 now and with the cold and rainy weather I know none of my neighbors will be out. Yes I know two of my neighbors know and that does make it a lot easier also. I find myself wondering if any of my other neighbors know, my neighbors seemed okay with this side of me when they found out and I don’t think they would go around telling others but than one has no way to know for sure. Kind of like I said in earlier blogs about why I didn’t tell people as once you tell someone you no longer control who knows. I guess once the weather turns nice next spring and we are all outside more I will find out.

Well I got to Starbuck’s a little before 7 and they were a little busy. I was talking to Jennifer who works here and she is so excited as she is pregnant, only 10 weeks but she heard the baby’s heart beat today. So we chatted for a while about that. I got my drink and sat down to work on my computer. I had a lot of e-mails to catch up on and as I said there are no distractions here so I got through them rather fast. I find I am more focused here than when I am at home, not sure if it is because I am Susan or the fact there is no TV here; I like to think it is the first as Susan tends to relax me.

It really is strange as one would think being out in public crossdressed would cause a high level of stress and worry but for me it is just the opposite. As Susan I am calm and relaxed, I think it is because I can slip out of my male life and put all the stress and troubles from that side of my life away for a few hours. It really is like taking a mini vacation from everything. I am actually really good at separating my two sides and I think that makes it easier for me. It really is cool to be able to live two lives, it kind of makes you feel like a secret agent or spy.

Well it has been an average night here at Starbuck’s maybe 15 other people here plus those who come in and get drinks to go, plus there are several people on computers here. It is fun to sit here and people watch as you get a good mix of people coming in here. Well I must finish up some more e-mails before they close. I also have some shopping to do so I will do that on the way home tonight. Funny as I don’t mind shopping as Susan even if only for groceries.

Thanks for reading and have a great rest of the week.

November 8, 2012 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friday with friend’s awesome ending to a long week

Well it has been another long week for my male side and tonight I didn’t get off work till late so it was after 5 when I got home. This use to bother me as it took so long to get ready but as with anything practice helps improve everything we do and now I can get ready in an hour or so when I have to. I still like to take my time and enjoy the experience of becoming Susan but tonight it was all about being out with my friends. I think the biggest issue is deciding what outfit to wear, tonight was lucky as I went with my second choice. It really is funny as my male self never puts so much effort into what to wear. Susan does though, shoes have to match the outfit, what color lipstick am I wearing, even how I do my eye makeup may change what I wear. I think this is one of the joys of being Susan. any way I was on my way just a little later than normal and as it gets dark now by 6:30 I don’t have to really worry about my neighbors seeing me leave plus the fact they know about this side of me now so I am not really sure why I think about it any way. By the way they still seem fine about it although with the cold rainy weather we don’t run into each other as much outside.

Anyway I got to Sweethome just a little after 7 and their small parking lot was full so had to park on the street about a block away, it is still early but dark outside so this does give a little concern as it should to any female. One can never be too carful no matter who you are. I got out and chose to walk down the street along the cars instead of on the sidewalk. Portland streets are very beautiful as they are all tree lined but this does make them a lot darker this time of year plus the sidewalks were all covered with wet leaves and being in open toed heels just didn’t want to get my pretty shoes dirty, such a girly concerned.

Well I got inside to find Cassandra, Chris, Roxy and Michelle already there so I joined them. Levi the bar tender brought me my drink, how cool as he remembers what most of us drink and is totally cool with us being there. Cassandra and I talked about Diva Las Vegas this coming year. We are both planning on going and there are 2 others that have said they were going which will make at least 4 of us. She was checking room rates on the strip and they are a lot higher than last year so she is worried. I think it is just so far out they are still hopeful of selling rooms that the prices are high and believe once it gets closer they will drop some. Any way we talked about staying off the strip as those hotel casinos are always less expensive and since Diva Las Vegas is not about one place it really does not matter where you stay.

Well it wasn’t long and more from our group started to show up. Now here is the funny part as we have 3 Michelle’s in our group and all 3 showed up here tonight. One of the Michelle’s this was the first time I have met her. Actually her first time out ever as Michelle was last Monday night and then again on Wednesday night so this was only her 3rd time out. She seem really nice and we chatted a while across the table. It was nice to meet her and I hope she comes out more.

Eva also made it, she use to go out with the group about 3 years ago but she never became a member so when we quit going to Embers she lost contact with us. Not sure how she found us again but she met us last Friday here and again tonight. I sent her an invite to join our group this way she can join and know where we will be out and when. She is also very nice and fun to talk with. She even got up and sang Karaoke.

Bobbie also showed up and yes we have 2 Bobbie’s also and both were there so can be a little confusing. Any way the one Bobbie I think this is the first time I have seen her out in public, she came to the first Halloween party 4 years ago and was also at the Halloween party last week. I got a good chance to talk with her at the party and again last night. It was great to see here out as she really is nice and fun to talk with. I really am not sure how many from out group was there but would guess 18 give or take some. It really was a good turnout.

Yes we did play pool, I played one of the regulars and won and this was after she beat Cassandra so I was pretty happy as I really did have a good game. I played a couple more games and won so I was having a good night at pool. In my 4th game I made some really good shots and was down to the 8 ball. My only shot was to bank it off the far end and pull it back to the corner between a couple other balls. I called the shot and did it perfectly and even sunk it in the right corner. The problem was as the cue ball rolled down the table on the side one of the other ball that had been hit came off the side rail and across the table and hit the cue ball just as it passed the side pocket and you guessed it, it fell in the pocket as a scratch so I lost. It really was an awesome shot.

It was a little less crowded this week as the other group that is always there on Friday night to sing Karaoke was not there. I had talked with several of them last week and it turns out Karaoke is not their only interest. They are also into Science Fiction and it turns out this weekend was a big Science fiction convention here in Portland called OryCon and they were all going to this. Seems they all dress up as their favorite character from Science Fiction. I am sure they had a fun time but it made it a lot quieter here and we missed them. Now there were others there including Rachel, she is actually the one that told me about this place and got us to come here. She is really awesome and she and a group of her friends were there and they were a blast. We played pool against several of them and just had a really good time interacting with them. It was so much fun and as always the night went by way to fast. It was almost 1:30 when the last few of us left. One of the girls there wanted me to sing karaoke with her before we left and I talked my way out of it by telling her I would next Friday so yes I may have to sing next week.

It was a really fun night and I can think of no better way to end a long week then being out with my best friends. I hope each and everyone of you have an awesome weekend. Thanks for reading.

November 3, 2012 Posted by | Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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