Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Saturday before Thanksgiving as Susan

Well it is the Saturday before Thanksgiving and I plan to spend the day as Susan, now I have a funny story kind of. My heat pump quit working last week so I have been on emergency heat and I was going to have it looked at this morning. I got a text about 8:30 they were on the way. They got here about 9 and it only took about 30 minutes for the bad news, my compressor has gone out and as it is an old system I am looking at about $4,000 for a new one so I asked for a quote on a whole new heating system as that is a lot of money to fix something that old and they said they would have to come back at a later time so they left and I went in and started my transformation to Susan for the day.

I took my time getting ready and again focused on the eyes and did the hombre look on my lips with a darker color outside and a brighter red inside, it is a cute look. I was all ready by 11 and went downstairs and got some pictures and stared watching the Hallmark channel for the day. It was about 11:15 and I got a call on my heating system and they were on their way back and would be here in a few minutes and sure enough about 10 minutes later my door bell rang and so Susan opened the door. Now I know what you are all thinking I can’t believe Susan did that. Well It was Jan as her male self, she does heating systems for a living and she had agreed to come over and check my system today and she brought Lynn with her. I met both as Susan, but they also know me on my male side. It was so awesome for them to give up part of their Saturday to help me, thanks. Well Jan got all the information off my heat pump and furnace in the attic while Lynn and I talked. It is kind of funny the lady of the house chatting with the wife while her husband worked. Now it was way more than that as it was great to see both of them, and yes both had beautiful red acrylic nails Lynn’s were sparkly. Jan has had painted acrylic nails for years and really no one has giving her any issue with them. They were here almost an hour. Now I walked them out when they left and we stood in my driveway talking for a while, yes, I was out front of my house as Susan for about 10 minutes. Seeing them this morning really brightened my day.

Now after they left I decided to make a quick trip to Fred Meyers as I need something for dinner tomorrow when I have my mom at my house and they have her Diet Coke on sale this week so I grabbed my purse and was off. Now I did get a couple pictures in my car before going into the store one in my face mask which I like. Now they were busy so I had to park way out in the lot, but I didn’t even think about it, I just got out of the car and walked in, got a cart and started shopping. Now I know just going to the grocery store shopping may seem pretty boring but, in some ways, doing the normal day to day things as Susan brings some normalcy to this side of my life. In our Zoom meeting Wednesday night Jennifer had a great question about feeling guilty and although I realized it may not be guilt I feel but there are times I feel embarrassed or ashamed like I am doing something wrong. Not very often anymore but I really think just living my life normally and doing every day things has really helped with these feelings. I will give you an example, going to Diva Las Vegas, the point of this is to go and spend time as Susan and be around others who feel the dame as I do and that is wonderful but just going there and being Susan for the events to me feels like I am limiting myself again just how I feel. Now doing the whole trip as Susan, traveling as Susan and beings Susan full time on the trip helps me feel it is normal. I have been asked why I take the time to be Susan for a 15 hour drive to Las Vegas but it is what every woman would do on a road trip, they would be themselves and that is all I am doing.

I spent about 30 minutes shopping and really didn’t pay any attention to the people around me so not sure if I got any stairs although I am guessing I did but I just don’t care. Now it was time to go and pay and normally when I shop I go through the self-checkout as it is faster but as Susan I like to have a checker ring my items up as I like the interaction so I got in line and waited my turn. It was finally my turn and as I moved forward and the lady at the check-stand looked at me and said Oh my god and I got a little worried and she finished it with “I love your mask, I had to look at it twice”. I thanked her and we chatted a little as she rung up my groceries. This is the type of interaction when I am out. It was a fun little outing.

I loaded my groceries in my car and headed for home. Now as I got close t home and turned onto my street there was my new neighbor in the street pushing his son in a toy car, so I had to stop. He pushed his son to the side and walked right by my drivers’ side and waved at me and I just smiled and waved back. Now him and his wife have seen me before leaving but always from a distance where this was withing 5 feet maybe. I just continued down my street and backed into my garage like nothing was wrong. Now at home it was time to watch some more Christmas Movies for the day.

It was about 5 and I realized I have not eaten all day well I did have a couple cookies Lynn brought me earlier when they were here, and they were really good. Well I decided to go to McDonalds and get something to eat. Now I go to this McDonalds pretty regular both as Susan and my male self. Now I always order the same thing and I would say 1 in 5 times they get my order wrong. Now tonight I placed my order, and it comes to $9.53 and normally I use my credit card but tonight I paid cash so I gave the young lady $20.53 so I could get $11 change. Well the young lady took for ever and finally gave me my change $10.84 cents, so I told her it was wrong, and she never said a word but just staired at me. I repeated it 2 more times and not a word, so I finally just pulled forward. Now I know it is only .14 cents, but I just goes to show they don’t teach simple math anymore in schools. Sorry for the rant but I just had to vent, and I do feel a little silly as I said it was only .14 cents.

Well I got home and ate my dinner and will stay up till 11 watching Christmas Movies, by the way last night I put up my outside Christmas lights so I am the first one on my street with my decorations up, yes I love Christmas.

Now I am looking forward to Wednesday night and our Zoom meeting, several girls expressed interest in doing it even though it is the day before Thanksgiving. So, I scheduled that tonight. Now with Spending Thanksgiving with my mom I won’t be able to blog about that till after Thanksgiving, so I just want to wish you all a Happy thanksgiving. May it be special for you how ever you celebrate it.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

November 21, 2020 Posted by | friends, Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Wednesday night Zoom meeting with friends

Well it is Wednesday again, and I have been looking forward all day to spending a few hours online tonight in a video chat. Now its not just the time as Susan but also the time I think about it and yes today I was thinking about what to wear and how to do my makeup and hair. It really is fun and something you don’t get to do as a male. I talk about the difference between male and female fashion and really all you have to do is watch the news, don’t worry no politics. You watch the male news casters and they all have on a suit, almost always dark and really the only difference between them is the color of their ties or maybe the shirt which you only see a small amount, they all look alike. Now look at the females and the colors and styles, hairstyles, jewelry and makeup, such a difference.

Now I got home a little late again so it would be a rush but I did want to do a different look tonight and that is always hard when I am rushed because if it doesn’t turn out well or look right I wont have time to redo it which also ads a little excitement to it, it was 5:15 when I got home from work and started getting ready. now the moment I start transforming myself to Susan I just get a calming peaceful feeling. Now I know every time I say that people think I am talking about transitioning and going full time and that is not what mean. Yes, when I am Susan, I am happy and relax but it is my way of getting away from my daily life. I often compare it to going on vacation. Think about your own life and when you get to go on a vacation and get away from everything and how you feel the second you walk out of work. That is what I am talking about but for me I get to do this a few times a week, kind of mini vacations and for a few hours I become Susan and put my male life aside for a while. I tell people all the time find something you love something that makes you happy and do it and for me that is Susan.

Now I started my makeup, and I had a plan for tonight. Yes, the focus again was my eye, the first thing was my eyebrow. I went a little higher and didn’t extend them out as far to the outside. I have been making the highpoint also the midpoint of the brow but tonight it was about 2/3rd from the inner eye to the midpoint and about 1/3rd from there to where I ended my brow and I kind of liked it although not really noticeable in the pictures as I am looking straight ahead. The other difference is I used dark and light greens with just a little brownish color on the outer edge, not as dramatic as the darker browns but I really liked the way it turned out and feel it would be a great daytime look. I am going to have to get a green pallet of eye shadows. I also outlined my whole eye top and bottom and did a winged eyeliner and even connected the inner corner top and bottoms something I don’t normally do. I was really happy with the way my eyes looked tonight.

The next thing was my lips and yes those are a little different tonight also, I tried to round out my bottom lip and only went to the inner corner of my lips to make them look smaller and more pouty. I also blended my lipstick tonight to try and get what the call an hombre look. I did a dark red lip liner and then a wine color on the outer edge of the lips and the outer corners and then in the center of the lips a bright red and blended it out. For my first try I thought it turned out well although again in the pictures not real noticeable. Now while I was doing my makeup my mom called so I was talking with her while I was getting ready and I wondered what she would think if she could see me. Now I really think my mom would be okay with Susan and accept her but she is over 92 and as I don’t plan on being Susan around her I see no benefit in telling her and that is what is right for me and only me. It was 6:55 when I was all dressed and on my way downstairs to start my meeting although I did take a few moments to get some pictures.

It was 7:01 when I started the meeting and yes girls were waiting and tonight would be a good turnout. by 7:15 we had 13 windows open with 15 girls, we had Nicole, Jennifer, Mellissa, Danielle, Jan & Lynn, Jeanie, Robin, Trish, Samantha, Kimberly, Kea and myself, actually Danielle is staying at Victoria’s Over the Rainbow so Victoria came in for a while with her and joined in also. It was really nice tonight as this was Kimberly’s, and Kea’s first time on our Zoom meeting and also Victoria’s so we had 3 new people tonight on our zoom meeting which is always nice. Kimberly was going to the Wednesday night dinners before things git shut down, so it was nice to see her and catch up. It was also nice to talk with Kea and get to know her a little better, I am hoping they join us more.

Well we just chatted for a while and caught up on what everyone is doing, by the way Melissa tonight has on a darker red lipstick and it look great on her, yes I am a red girl and love the red lipsticks as you can tell from my pictures as that is the color I wear the most. It was a nice night and so much fun to spend it with my friends. It was about 8:30 when the first of our girls signed off and then we lost a few more. Well we had forgot t get to Jennifer’s question before girls signed off, but we did get to it although we only had 7 of us left.

Her question was did we, or do we feel guilty about what our dressing. Now Jennifer had sent this question out in an e-mail earlier today, so I had some time to think about it and yes, I did and sometimes still do. Growing up I knew I was the only person in the world that felt this way, yes, I will date myself. The first time I can remember playing with my mom’s makeup I was about 6 and even then, I knew that playing with makeup was not something little boys did. Now by the time I got to Junior High school I tried to find information on how I felt but in 1976 there was no internet and trying to find this in a library was hard. All I could find were books on being transexual or Gay and although I didn’t understand who I was I did know I was neither of these things. It wasn’t till I was in high school in the early 80’s that I first heard the term crossdresser and that was what I was. I liked to dress as a female although over the years I have learned it is more then just crossdressing as I really do have a feminine side. Now one of the other girls followed me and she said it wasn’t really guilt but more ashamed or embarrassed about this and that actually made more sense. I think the guilt would be more if you are hiding it from someone and although I did that with people, I loved but my actions really didn’t affect them so I kind of rethought what I said. Now a few of the girls did feel the guilt but tat was because they hid it from their wives and I guess if you are married then yes your actions does affect your spouse and I could see the guilt in that.

Now I have really come to accept Susan and this side of my life, but I would be lying if I said I never had doubts and yes every once in a while, I slip and feel a little embarrassed after all I am only human and we all have momentary lapses but those times are fewer and fewer and even with them I know Susan is a very important part of me and who I am and without her I would not be the person I am today. I honestly believe getting rid of Susan from my life would be like losing a leg or arm, yes, I could survive but my life would be totally different, and I don’t believe as good. For years I thought if I could get rid of Susan or my desire to dress my life would be batter but I know that is not the case now. My life would not be better without Susan as I need her in my life.

Well it was a little after 9 and it was down to just Jan & Lynn and me and we talked till about 9:15 before we signed off for the night. Now I am looking forward to Saturday when I will get to be Susan again for the day. Sunday I will have my mom over for the day, yes, I will be violating our Governor’s order on this as well as on Thanksgiving.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

November 20, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Saturday as Susan on a cold rainy day.

Well it is a cold and rainy Saturday and I get to spend the day as Susan. Now I did some stuff around the house in the morning before I transformed into Susan. I have talked with several girls about this and yes this is my opinion and view and in no ways reflects on others it is what is right for me. I have no desire to transition but if I did, I would still be a crossdresser as I also like and need my male side and life and I would end up crossdressing back to male. There are just times I need to be my male self as well as being Susan. One thing I have learned over the years about Susan is she is a girly girl and as Susan I don’t like getting dirty or sweaty. Now this is nothing against those who transition fully and live all aspects of their life as who they are, I am just stating who I am and what I need and is important to me. That is what is wonderful about life as we can be who we are and we all don’t have to be the same, feel the same, believe the or want the same things. This is my life lesson for everyone, you can have different view and beliefs and still be friends and respect the other person. I have said it before I don’t expect everyone to like or necessarily support the way I live my life, but I do expect them to recognize my right to be who I am. I have friends who like things I don’t like to do and when they do them I don’t participate and that is fine we do the things together we all like it is what makes us individuals.

Well back to today, it was about noon I started getting ready. Now starting earlier in the day allowed me to spend extra time and enjoy the whole process and yes, I took 1 ½ hours getting ready. now it was time to pick out my outfit and today I decided on a casual look as I need to go to the store so it was my maroon sweater and black leggings, I really like this look. It was 1:30 when I was ready, and I grabbed my purse and yes, my coat as it is a rainy cold fall day, and I was off to do some shopping. Now my shopping today is more of the day to day life stuff, I need to pick up stuff for dinner tomorrow as I will have my mom at my house again for the day but I also wanted to get stuff for Thanksgiving as I will be having my mom over that day also.

Now I am going to get political for just a moment so feel free to skip over this paragraph highlighted Blue. Now I know the cases of virus are rising and people are worried, and Governors are shutting things down again and telling people to limit or skip thanksgiving and what we do in our own homes and I do have a problem with that. Now I have seen people posting on Facebook about skipping Thanksgiving this year so you protect the ones you love and will be able to see they next year when this is over and I can understand their thinking but life is not a one size fits all. I will put my situation out their as my mom is 92 ½ years old with health issues and I value every chance I can see her. I hope she will be here next year and the year after that, but life has no guarantees. So here is my thought on this, suppose you skip seeing families for Thanksgiving to protect them and then you or them either still get the virus or have a car wreck or any other accident, how would you feel then. Now the odds of that happening are small but it will happen to someone as people die in car wrecks every day and then you missed maybe your last chance to see them. So yes, I will be spending time with my mom no matter what as the isolation she feels is way worse than the possibility of the virus although we do take precautions. Now back to my blog.

I got in my car and was off and yes, my neighbors across the street had just gotten home and were getting out of their car as I drove out of my drive and down the street. I was off to Walmart, I got there and parked and went in with my facemask with the smile on it. Now I picked Walmart as I wanted to look at their Christmas decorations. 3 years ago, I bought a few laser projectors here to decorate my house outside, way easier then stringing lights and each year I ad a couple. They had them on sale for $14.99 so I picked up 2 of them and I did check out the makeup section as I love makeup. Now it was time to do my shopping for dinner tomorrow and for Thanksgiving. It really was fun just doing normal everyday shopping as Susan. I probably spent about 40 minutes here before checking out and going back home. It was a lot of fun.

Once at home I decided to change and put on a dress for the rest of the day at home, there is just something about being in a pretty dress. There are just so many wonderful choices and looks for females to wear. Now that I had on my pretty dress it was time to watch some Christmas movies for the rest of the day of course I had to get a few pictures. It was relaxing just sitting at home and we even had a really heavy rain for about 20 minutes, so I paused the movie to watch the rain. Yes, as Susan I don’t like to get wet or be out in the rain, but I do love watching if from the warmth of my house.

A little after 5 it had almost stopped raining and I was hungry so I decided to run to McDonalds for something to eat as I wanted to get out again where I didn’t have to wear a mask. I grabbed my purse and off I went. It was a quick drive down and then right back, but it was a way to get out of the house.

The rest of the night was just sitting at home as Susan watching my Christmas movies till bedtime. My last movie will get over at Midnight so then I will wash away Susan for the night and go to bed. Now I look forward to Wednesday night when I get to have my Zoom meeting with friends.

Stay say and stay positive and realize things will get back to normal hopefully soon I hope but it will get better. Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

November 14, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Wednesday Zoom meeting on Veterans day

Well another Wednesday night and I get to spend time as Susan online with my friends. Now today is Veterans Day and I want to thank all those who have served our country, past, present and future, you are the reason we live in a country that gives us the most freedoms in the world at least right now and I hope we never give those freedoms up.

I look forward to this all week as I really miss getting together with my friends. I got home late again tonight so it was a rush to get ready. I did spend time doing my makeup which I love so it was just before 7 when I was already so I quickly got a few pictures and then logged on for my meeting with my friends. Now there were already a couple girls waiting and by 7:15 we had 9 of us online tonight. Jennifer, Nicole, Melissa, Danika, Jeanie, Antonia, Tori, Kitty and myself. It was great to see them all again if only on a video chat.

Now we started off just catching up on what’s new in our lives. we also talked a little about transitioning, things like hormones, surgeries and changing names and all the things you have to change and there is a lot as it is not a simple process. You really don’t realize how many things you have with your name, driver’s license, social security, bank account, property, birth certificate, pensions and so much more. Now I have no plans to transition but I never really thought about all the things you have to do, it is almost like a full time job for a little while and some you can’t do till you get others done first. This is by no means an easy process.

We talked a little more and then it was time for one of Jennifer’s question and tonight it was “is there something you wear that is special to you or that you really like. Now I will admit long nails and makeup are my favorite thing but thinking about something you wear I had to say my little black dress. I have 2 of them and I love them. I really think there is nothing prettier than a little black dress. Now I will admit they don’t look the same on me as they do on genetic woman, but I still love them. I really think every woman should have a little black dress. It was interesting to hear what the others thought from heels to jewelry I guess we all have our favorite thing that makes us feel good and special.

Now we talked till almost 9 before girls started to sign off and as always once one signs off it seems to go fast and soon it was just Nicole and me. Now she will be in the area next week for some training and we may try to get together briefly as she has some more bags of clothes she is bringing down. Well we talked a little more and we are tired of the virus and want it gone so we can get back to our normal lives. we try to make the best of it and for me that is lipstick. For probably the last month I have been wearing lipstick to work every day, yes, I have to wear a mask all the time at work other than when I eat, and I figured why not. Sometimes it is my long wear lipstick which still looks good when I get home other times regular lipstick which is usually gone after I eat lunch but either way it is fun. I eat at my desk which faces a wall so no one can really see me unless I turn around but there is a little risk with this. Now they are more neutral colors although a few times I wore a mauve color. Today while I was at work, we got some samples in and they wanted us all to try them so there I was with 4 other co-workers sampling cake. When they were not looking, I would pull my mask down just enough to put a bite in my mouth and then pull my mask back up.

Well it was about 9:15 when we signed off and my night was over. Now it was time to wash away all traces of Susan and get ready for bed. Now the lipstick I wore tonight is not one of my lip inks it is a regular lipstick which does leave a slight stain on my lips by I do like the color as I think it looks good on me. I only mention this as Thursday morning my lips still had a slight ready tint but as I said I have been wearing lipstick to work under my face mask. Well Thursday I decided to wear the same color as last night so yes, I went to work today with this same red lipstick. It was a fun day and yes at lunch I was a little more aware of it as even from the side view it would be very noticeable but it is my way of making the best of what is going on.

Now I am looking forward to Saturday when I will once again get to spend some time as Susan. stay safe and stay positive as our lives will get back to normal. Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

November 13, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Saturday as Susan

Well the first Saturday of November, this year is going by so fast. Now I have the whole day free, but I do need to do some cleaning of my house, so I decided to dust and vacuum first before becoming Susan for the day as I didn’t want to get dirty while cleaning. It was about noon when I started my transformation to Susan for the day and it just brightened my day up. Now getting ready and

doing my makeup is so much fun and yes once again today I tried doing the eye shadow a little heavier under my eyes and still not as happy with it but way better than last time I tried it. I took a little over an hour getting ready and today I decided to wear the dress I bought when I was shopping with Patty a week ago, I found what looked like a casual dress but has a cowl neck built in face mask. Now I have a lot of dresses but nothing what I would call a casual dress for daytime wear, so I wanted to get some pictures of the dress.

Now it was time to do some laundry, dishes and a little light cleaning and I also watched a Christmas movie I recorded last night. It was a relaxing afternoon. It was a little after 3 and I decided I just didn’t want to sit in the house. So, what is a girl to do on a Saturday afternoon? Well I needed to write my blog from Wednesday zoom meeting with my friends and what better way then to go to Starbucks to write it. I grabbed my purse and computer and was on my way. It was good to be out, it only took a few minutes to get there and yes, I got a quick picture in my car and another one once I got inside. I walked in with the face mask built into my dress on my face which is a little different but also nice as I never have to worry about forgetting it or losing it. Now they have a couple more tables set up as I think they realize with fall here they won’t have people sitting outside. Everything was still 6 feet apart but up till now it was just small tables, but they do have a couple tables now that seat 4. That being said there were only 3 people sitting at tables right now all by themselves.

I set my computer on a table by the window and went up to order a hot chocolate, there were 2 people in front of me in line, so I had to wait a little. Now I didn’t recognize any of the workers but then I haven’t been coming here that much lately although I think I am going to try more. The young man who took my order was very bice as all the employees her. I don’t think I have ever had a bad experience at Starbucks. I paid for my order and then went to my table and set up my computer as I waited for my drink. I got my drink and sat and wrote my blog and caught up on some e-mails and just enjoyed some quiet time here online. Some people came and went although most of the people use the drive through. It was really enjoyable and so much better then just sitting at home. I stayed here till about 5:30 and then left. I did stop and get gas at the Fred Meyers fuel station when I left.

Now I was hungry, and I did think about going to IHOP but in the end I wanted to get home so I decided to stop at McDonalds again this week so that was my next stop. I ordered and got to the window to pay and the lady at the window told me how nice my makeup looked which made me
feel good, yes I love getting compliments on how I look something you rarely get as a male. I thanked her of course and then went to the next window and got my food and then was on my way home.

Once at home yes it was time to watch ore Christmas movies, by the way anyone in the Portland Area radio station K103 went all Christmas music 2 days ago on Thursday morning. Yes, I also look forward to this and for the rest of the year this will be the radio station I listen too, I love the Christmas holiday. Now I did have to finish my laundry and yes today I washed my bedding, so I had to make my bed up and I was determined to do it as Susan. I have said several times that I do enjoy my male side also and there are things just easier to do as my male self and this is one. Now yes I did have on my 3″ heel boots but it really wasn’t the heels that made it hard bit the long hair as when I bent over to make my bed the hair got in my face. Yes, I could have pulled it back and I am sure most women put their hair in a pony tale or something when they do stuff like this. As with anything you can learn to do things a little different if needed kind of like I do when I get my long nails. Yes, things are harder to do but you just do them a little different.

I watched 2 more movies and I set up a Zoom meeting for this Wednesday night. I stayed up till 11 before getting ready for bed and washing away all traces of Susan which is always sad. Now I am looking forward to Wednesday night and next Saturday and who knows maybe one evening I will just go to Starbucks. Let me know what you think of my dress tonight and if you think it is something for a casual day out.

Stay safe and happy and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

I have put a few more pictures below so scroll down



November 9, 2020 Posted by | Starbucks, Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

1st Wednesday of November zoom meeting

Well it is the first Wednesday night of November, where has this year gone.well I get to spend the evening online with my frineds in a video chat and that is always fun. Now again I got home late tonight so it will be a rush to get ready. I did take time on my eyes and I used a different color of lipstick tonight as I once again wanted a little different look. That is one of the fun things of being female. Females can do different looks with makeup and hair style where men pretty much have one look, about the only thing a man can do is grow facial hair but that takes time, women can change their look every day if they want to, how fun is that. Well I was all ready by 6:30 so I got a few pictures and yes it is harder now as it is dark by 5 and the pictures just don’t look the same without natural light. Not real happy with any of them but these were the best and I tried pictures in different rooms and areas in my house trying different lighting. I will really miss the natural light of summer. I did call and talk to my mom till 7 when my meeting started.

I started the meeting right at 7 and yes girls were waiting and it didn’t take long and we were up to 10 ladies again tonight, we had Julie, Jenifer, Nicole, Melissa, Tori, Danika, Cyndee, Jeannie, Antonia and myeslf, what another great turn out tonight. It was great Cyndee could make it again tonight, I know this shut down and issolation has been hard for some of probably most of us and even just a couple hours on a video chat can help. Well we took time and caught up with what was going on with everyone. Well we got talking about wigs and Melissa was telling us she gets the frizz out of hers by steaming them and even put some curls in her hair that way and it looks really cute. I may have to try this and see if I can refresh some of my old wigs yes I have kept my old wigs.

Well we talked some more and it reall is just about being as social as we can right now. There is a lot going on in the world right now and people are really strugling and we need to get this figured out. I was very proud of our group tonight as last night we had our Presidential election and feelings are running hot as both sides are polerized and I was worried this might pop up in tonights zoom meeting as we did have 10 of us but everyone was respectful and no one brought it up which is good as in any group there are tjose on both sides. We really do try to keep politics and religion out of our group as much as possible as we want everyone in our group to feel welcome no matter what the politics or religion is. I really think this is something our whole country should strive for respect of others views. For a long time people in the LGBTQ community just wanted to be accepted for who they are and if that is what we realy want then we need to do the same for others.

Now we did realy well tonight as it was closer to 9 when girls started to sighn off and as always once 1 signs off you seem to have several as I think some just don’t want to be the first one. By 9 it was down to just Julie, Melissa and myself this is the second week Melissa has been one of the last one as she useally signs off early as for work she spends the day on computers and in zoom meetings. By 9:15 it was just Julie and me left and we talked a little longer, Julie will be heading down south next week for the winter and it will be sad she wont be around. I had hoped we could get one more dinner out but it doesn’t look like that will havppen but with the zoom meetings she should be able to join us so I will still get to see her. Safe travels Julie and look forward to your return. It was just before 9:30 when we said goodnight and I shut down the meeting for the night. It is always sad to see it come to an end.

Now I am looking forward to Saturday as I will get to spend the day as Susan, part of the day will be cleaning the house and not sure I will be Susan for that. But it will still be fun, might go out to eat at IHOP maybe still deciding but no Susan on Sunday this week as I get to have my mom over for the day if nothing changes as it has probably been a month she has been on lockdown again. My time this year as Susan has been the most I have spent although mostly at home or by myself. I have already passed the my old record of 135 so each time till the end of the year is a new reacord. Lokking back to the early years it was all at home and when I first started going out for late night drives if I could do that once a month I tought it was wonderful, now if I could only be Susan once a month I would be depressed. For me Susan is my release from my daily life, how I releive stress. Yes by defentions I am a crossdresser as I don’t want to transition but over the years I have come to realize Susan is so much more. She really is a part of me and makes me the person I am. In some ways both my male and female sides are the same but there are differences. Probably the biggest is Susan is more social and outgoing which is why this shut down has been so hard as I really do miss getting together with friends. For a few years Susan was going to dinner every Wednesday night and to the Escape every Saturday night and also Starbucks and shopping and then the virus hot and that all stopped.

I have seen posts online for years asking if you could live alone isolated in a cabin for a year with no internet or phone for a million dollars and I always posted back sign me up. I still think I could do it but it would be a lot harder then I previously thought and it would have an impact on my life. Humans need to be around people and have interaction with them we are not mant to be alone so all my friends out there make sure you are keeping in touch with each other and if you need to reach out to someone even me as we can exchande e-mails or I could even set up a zoom meeting, you don’t have to be alone, also check on your frineds.

Well stay safe and happy and always try to look on the positive side of things as no matter how bad things get they will change at some point and get better. Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

November 7, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Last Saturday of October and yes, it is Halloween

It is Saturday but more than that it is Halloween and in any other year it would be a night out with friends and costumes but instead it will be a day at home but it will be as Susan. Now for the last few days I have been really thinking about today and there were 2 things I am still thinking about, one of my old costumes or just Susan and 2 do I hand out candy tonight as Susan. Well I didn’t start my transition till about 2 as I do want to look my best if I do hand out candy.

As I said it was 2 pm when I started getting ready with a long shower and I have decided no costume this year I am going to dress my best, I was looking in my closet and I have 4 dresses I bought before the shut down and although I did try them on I have not really worn them yet so tonight will be a fancy dress night suitable for a holiday party or fancy dinner out. Now every once I a while our group goes some place special and getting ready is just a little more special and that is the feeling I have today. It is kind of like when women get ready for a special dance or maybe their wedding well that may be a stretch but it is a wonderful feeling when you are excited about something and even though it will be at home the thought of going all out for tonight if fun. I actually have 5 dresses sitting out on my bed today to pick from.

I took my time doing my makeup yes my eyes took extra time but I also took extra effort to try and contour my face as I wanted the whole look, it was a little after 4 when I was all ready and now it was time to pick my dress. I have a salmon, purple, black and red dress all with a little lace and then my little black dress which is the dress I was leaning towards, yes there is just something about the little black dress. I spent about a ½ hour trying on dresses as I had to take my hair off each time which adds to the experience but it was so much fu and yes in the end I changed my mind and went with the red dress. This was the dress I bought for the Red Dress party this year which got canceled. I was finally all dressed and ready and yes, I really like the red dress.

Now it was time to get some pictured and yes today I wanted to try and get some pictures of my dress and how I look from head to toe which is something I struggle to with another reason I like getting together with my friends. I got a few that turned out okay although a little blurry but best I could do. I got done with my pictures and now it was time to figure out dinner. Well I decided to go to Panda Express as I wanted to go in and be seen in my dress even though it was way over the top for there.

I got in my car and drove to Panda Express and it was a great feeling being out is such a cute dress. I parked and got out and walked in with my new mask on my face, there were 3 people waiting for their food, I think they called in there order and there were 2 couples ahead of me ordering so I got in line. Now while I stood in line a few more people came in behind me and yes, I was the only female in a dress, so I did stand out but tonight I didn’t care. Now I didn’t pay attention to the others, so I don’t know if they were looking at me or what they thought and that is a great feeling. I placed my order and got my food and was on my way home to eat.

I got home and turned on a Christmas Movie on Hallmark Chanel to watch as I ate dinner. Yes, I am at home as Susan on Halloween night watching Christmas movies. Now after I ate, I did set up a TV tray by my door with a candy bowl incase anyone comes to my door, but I left my light off so not sure I will get anyone. Now tonight I was sitting in my front room so I could look out the window and see if anyone came to the door, but I could also see if anyone was walking down the street. Now usually I don’t get many kids on my street as I am on a dead-end street and over the years, I get between 5 and 30 maybe so one bag is all I every buy. Now with the virus going on right now I also didn’t think there would be many out trick or treating but actually between 5:30 and 7 I actually saw a lot of kids in costumes walking down the street so it was probably good my light was off as I would have run out of candy. Even between 7 and 8 I saw a few small groups.

Well about 8:20 I started my second Christmas movie and decided to go get a couple pieces of candy as I had peanut butter cups and I love them. Well for some reason as I got my candy, I turned my outside light on and wondered if I would get anyone as I have not seen anyone outside for probably 30 minutes but it did make the night a little more exciting. Well I didn’t have to wait long a group of 6 kids came to the door all young in cute costumes and yes one was probably only 3 ears old carried by her father. Now I don’t think any of them are from my street but one never really knows as with costumes the father was the only one I could really see but it was fun to hand out candy as Susan in my red dress.

Well I had 3 more groups of kids come to my door and all young which was nice, 2 of the groups had a man and woman with them (probably a mom and dad) but they stayed bout 20 feet back as the kids came to the door so they were in the shadows and I really couldn’t see them, the other group of kids had 2 women with them and the same thing they stayed back a little. I was glad to see the parents with the young kids but wondering if any of them were my neighbors. As I have said I am sure most of my neighbors know as much as I come and go but I am always in the car so it is really only my face they see, if these were my neighbors this ay have been the first time they have seen me from head to toe and I looked good tonight but again probably way over dressed to hand out candy. It turned out to be a fun night at home.

It was about when it was time to wash Susan away and go to bed as I have to work early Sunday morning. Now a side note for the last several weeks I have been wearing lipstick to work every day as I have to wear a mask at work and yes some times it is the long lasting that won’t wash off but nothing really bold usually color you would notice if you looked at me close but if you were a ways away you may not notice well that changed today as today the day after Halloween I wore the same red I wore last night to work today and really the only risk is when I eat lunch but I eat at my desk with my back to my co-worker so as long as I don’t turn around at lunch I should be fine. Any way I hope everyone had a Happy Halloween this year.

Stay safe and happy and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life and let me know what you think of my dress.

November 1, 2020 Posted by | halloween, Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Friday Susan time with Patty for lunch and shopping

Well it is Friday and I have the whole day free and that means Susan time, Patty e-mailed me and wants to meet for lunch and a little shopping so we are going to meet at Clackamas Town Center at 11am, Julie couldn’t make it so sad will miss her. Well this means getting up in the morning and starting my day as Susan which is always a treat. Now my goal was to get up at 7:30 and be out of the house by 9 that way I could stop at Starbucks and write my blog from Wednesday nights zoom meeting with friends, yes I am behind again on my blogs. Well it was 9 when I finally rolled out of bed and took my shower and started my transformation. It is such a relaxing way to start your day. I took extra time on my eyes again as when we are out we will have to wear masks so my eyes are what people will see, I used browns and greens which I am really liking the way they look. I fully lined my eyes and did a winged eyeliner and for the first time I got them even, but I think they are to low so still not happy with that. I also tried overlining my lips a little to give them a rounder more pouty lips, will have to get a picture not smiling as that is the only way you can tell and again I was happy with the way they turned out so things were going well just longer then I planned as it was about 9:45 when I was all dressed and ready to go. I grabbed my computer and was on my way.

I got to Clackamas Town Center about 10:20 so I had a little time before I met Patty so I went into the mall by Starbucks, they are open but no tables inside so I got a drink and went and sat on the bench in the mall and started my blog from Wednesday night. Now it was good I got here early as it started to rain really hard. I had been here about 10:45 when Patty texted me, she was running late, and she would text me when she was on her way, so I had a little more time to work on my blog. I got it all done but I couldn’t get a strong enough wi-fi signal from Starbucks to add my pictures or post so that would have to wait. Patty texted me she was on her way and about 10 minutes out so I took my computer back out to my car and went into JC Penney’s to wait for her as that is where we were meeting, yes I am a girl of habits. I always park the same area and go in through the same store at malls, so I never have to remember where I parked. Well I checked out a few dresses while I waited for Patty and they did not have a good selection so I am wondering if this will be one of the Penney’s they close. Now I went casual today, maroon sweater top, jeggings (a cross between jeans and leggings) and my ankle boots although I did switch to my pink and white tennis shoes when I put my computer in my car.

Patty came in and she had on a pretty floral dress and heels and looked lovely plus in her heals I was about 4 inches shorter which helps me blend in more so I was glad I took my ankle boots off. Now we really had no plans for today other then lunch and just being out. Patty did want to get a pair of small gold hoop earring that she could wear in both sides of her life and yes, she wanted nice ones not the costume ones in the mall so we went to the jewelry counter at Penney’s and they had some really nice 14 carat gold earrings along with some nice 10 carat and they were on sale. 30% to 50% off and some had an extra 40% off of that also. Patty got a really cool pair and there was one I liked and thought about, would have been $150 down from over $400 but I just don’t wear them enough for that kind of money. Same way I have thought about getting a nice ring for Susan and have even looked but what I want would be between $600 and $900 and again to wear a couple times a week for a few hours just not worth it at least till I win the lottery. Yes, there are draw backs to being part time as Susan, but it is who I am.

Well Patty bought her earrings and then we were off to the mall but we had to walk through the Sephora area of Penny’s and a sales girl caught us but luckily Patty was the one who spoke up first and soon she was showing us some eyeshadow pallets and they had sone nice ones. A little more than drug store ones but they had one with browns and greens and I am liking the green eye shadow I have used the last 2 times as it blends well with the browns. Well Patty bought some shadow and mascara and then we were out into the mall. We did stop so Patty could put on some low heels, she started off in probably 4″ heels and now had on 1″ better for walking. We walked down the mall talking and stopped to look at the directory to see where we wanted to go for lunch. We picked Claim Jumpers which is outside by Sunnyside Road, so we walked all the way out there talking the whole time.

We went in and got a booth; they were actually pretty busy even though with social distancing there were empty tables between people. We both ordered salads, I had the chicken Caesar salad, and it was really good. We sat and talked as we ate and had a wonderful lunch. Now I have known Patty for a while and talked to her when we had our dinners out in the good old days but being able to talk one on one is awesome as it really gives you a chance to get to know each other better. Patty is out to her kids who support her, actually her daughter was the one who told her she needed better eye shadow then she had and her girlfriend is really supportive of her as they go out together as girlfriends and she has even came with Patty to some of our dinner. It was so wonderful and even after we finished eating, we sat and talked for a while. Bu the way our waitress (Ana) here was awesome. Well after we ate, we walked back over by the mall and Patty asked what I had planned for the rest of the day which other then a stop at Starbucks I had nothing. Well she wanted to go to Nordstrom’s Rack across the street and look at shoes so I said I would meet her over there. Yes, I do like going out by myself but going shopping with someone else is way more fun. It is funny as when you look at people in the malls men are either with a woman or by themselves you rarely see 2 or more men walking around shopping but for women you see more in groups of 2 or more then you see by themselves and I can understand why.

We met at Nordstrom’s Rack and went in and looked at shoes, they had some really cute ones, but most had long pointy toes which look cute, but they make my feet look bigger. I think women like them as it does make their feet look longer but not something I want. One reason I like heels is with the height your feet look shorter. Well neither one of us found any shoes we had to by but we did find clothe face with a woman’s smile on it so we both had to get one we also looked at clothes and they had some casual dresses that appear to be about knee length but have a build in face mask, yes you pull it up and it has loops for year ears and they were on sale for $24.97 although you can’t try them on. Patty found a black one and I found a kind of greyish blue so we both got one of them to try. I have a lot of dresses but not what I would call casual everyday dresses, so I am looking forward to wearing this one tomorrow. Melissa has a bunch of casual dresses for daily wear and it is something I love about her as she always looks so cute and fashionable. Well it was about 3 when we were all done and said our goodbyes, thanks so much Patty for meeting me today.

I was back by home by 3:30 and decided to go to the Starbucks I normally go to and post my blog from Wednesday night and start on this blog. Now I decided to wear on of my new face masks and as I walked in a lady looked at me and wow, I love you mask. Inside a couple of the worker greeted me by name and one of the girls also said she loved my face mask. I ordered a hot chocolate as I had points, I had to redeem before they expired. I sat down and finished my blog from Wednesday night and started on y blog for today. I stayed here till a little after 6 before leaving and decided to make a quick stop at McDonalds for something to eat, yes, my last stop before home. Now I did get a picture in my car without smiling so you could see the shape of my lips. I got to McDonalds and went through the drive through and the young girl at the window where I got my food who had beautiful eye makeup told me how much she loved the color of my lipstick. I thanked her of course I so love getting compliments. Now it was home for the rest of the night. It was an awesome day out and I get to be Susan again tomorrow Halloween. If someone comes to my door trick or treating, I will be handing Candy as Susan.

Stay safe and have a Happy Halloween tomorrow and remember We get an extra hour of sleep Sunday morning. Sorry I went a little long in this blog but had a lot to cover. Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

October 30, 2020 Posted by | shopping, Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Wednesday Zoom meeting with friends

Well another Wednesday and I get to spend a few hours tonight with my friends in a video zoom meeting. This is how we get together mostly now. We have been doing these sense April pretty much every Wednesday night and we have had between 5 and 15 so it is well attended and I think the girls look forward to it as a way to keep in contact.

I got home a little later than normal, so it was a rush to get ready, but I did take my time on my eyes as I once again wanted to try something different. The look I tried Sunday did not turn out well, so I was going to do better tonight. It was about 6:30 when I was ill dressed and yes, I was happy with the way I looked tonight so I got a few pictures, let me know what you think. Now it was time to call my mom and see how she is doing, where she lives they are on lockdown and have been for 1 ½ weeks and the isolation is hard for her, I think it is worse then the virus. Well we talked right up to 7 when it was time to start my meeting.

I started the meeting and yes there were girls already waiting, I almost couldn’t approve them fast enough and by 7:15 13 windows open with 14 people on the zoom meeting. Another wonderful turnout. we had Julie, Jennifer, Melissa, Jan & Lynn, Patty, Jeanie, Cyndee, Nicole, Tori, Danika, Kitty, Trish and of course me. We chatted for a while and caught up on how everyone is doing which is always nice. Now a few of the girls have only made a few of these meetings but it is wonderful to see them.

Well Trish had the first question and it was about getting her ears pierced which actually I did earlier this year and it turns out Patty got hers done about 6 weeks ago so we had some discussion on this. I have wanted to get my ears pierced for 10 years or more but was always afraid what people might say and really after I got it done I think less then 10 people even said a word and it was pretty much wow you got your ears pierced and that was it. I just told them it was something I wanted to do and that either said okay or a few told me they looked good on me. I think Trish is still having a hard time deciding and I can understand as it took me forever to get mine done but it was the best thing I have done as the options for earrings are incredible if you have pierced ears and really a lot of times you don’t even notice them on. You can also get clear earrings to wear and really you have to look close to see them.

We also had a girl ask about how to create cleavage and that can be hard, depending on what I am wearing I can create some cleavage and I do it with a tight bra, a 2″ elastic band and nylons filled with rice or a pair of socks, and a little makeup, you can read about it in my blog but here is a picture from years ago to show you the end result.

Well we talked some more and then it was Jennifer’s time for her question and that was how we all picked our names. For me it was a girl I had a huge crush on in 9th & 10th grade but couldn’t work up the courage to ask her out, so I took her name. some of the girl’s kind of came close to their male names, some it was just a name they liked and one of the girls got input from her wife, how cool is that. The cool thing is we all got to pick our names something most people don’t get to do. Now a couple of the girls actually picked out middle names, yes they are full time so probably something they need but it has got me thinking should I come up with a middle name for Susan, what’s your thoughts on this?

Well we talked more it was just a fun night, it was about 8:45 when we lost our first girl for the night and then it was a steady stream till a little after 9. I think 2 hours is the max for some girls. Well by 9:15 it was just Julie, Jan & Lynn and me still left on line but we kept talking and time went by fast, we kept saying we had to go but we didn’t and soon it was after 10 so this was probably our latest meeting. Well we finally said good night and signed off; it was a fun night.

Now I am looking forward to this Friday as I actually have Friday off work so it will be a Susan day, both Julie and Patty said they were interested in getting together so I am hopeful of that as it is just more fun to go out with someone. Any way I will get to be Susan both Friday and Saturday, Saturday is Halloween, so I am also thinking about that. Now there are no parties and I am not going to dress up in a costume but I will be Susan and be at home so do I turn on my light for trick or treaters, I don’t normally get many in any given year it is 6 to 30 maybe but I would be opening my door as Susan and it could be my neighbors. I will make this call on Saturday but what I am leaning to is leaving my light off but I do have candy and if someone does come to my door going a head and opening it to give candy. Well either way Saturday will give me 136 times this year I have been Susan which will break my record of 135 form a few years ago and I still have 2 more months to go before the end of the year so Susan is having a good year even though it is mostly at home.

I do enjoy blogging about my time as Susan and it may seem like a lot of it especially this year is pretty boring and the same thing but in the end my blog is really for me to document my life as Susan kind of my personal diary which I just happen to share. I still would encourage everyone to do this even if you keep it private for just you. It is nice to look back and see what you have done, where you went, who you met and what you wore and how your life has progressed. For some of us we keep this such a secret, and this may be the only record after we are gone.

Take care and stay safe and thanks for reading my blog and sharing this part of my life and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

October 30, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sunday and some Susan time late in the day.

Well I got up on Sunday and I had some things I had to do early in the day but I did do a little eye makeup, I put on Mascara a really thin eyeliner right along the lash line just to darken it a little which just gave my lashes a nice look and yes it was noticeable if you looked close but from 5 or 10 feet away you probably wouldn’t notice. Now it was time to go out and do some yard work. I did some trimming, edging and then mowed my yard. After that I di clean out my gutters so it was about 3pm when I was all done and then it was time to clean up and spend the rest of the day as Susan.

Now I took my time today as I wanted to try something new with my eyes, fully outlining them and going heavier on the shadow below my eyes. I have seen some woman do this and it can look really good but I try to keep it minimal under my eyes so it will be interesting. Well as much as I try, I could not get it to look good so I was not happy with the way it turned out but as it is just a day at home I left it. I went downstairs and got a few pictures and the pictures told me what I already knew, this was not a good look for me so yes, no pictures for today. I started watching a Christmas movie, now about 6 I was hungry, so I debated about going for dinner. I really wanted to go but wasn’t happy with the look of my makeup. Well my desire to go out won but I did go to Panda Express as I could go inside and would be wearing a face mask so really only my eyes would be seen although that was the part I was not happy with.

I got to Panda Express and went in, there was one lady in front of me and she was ordering for I guess a party as she got a lot plus they had a big online order so it took me almost 20 minutes to get my food. Now it was back home to watch more movies. Yes, it was more Christmas movies. I also wrote my blog from Saturday during commercials. I stayed up till 11 tonight before washing away Susan and going to bed. Now I am looking forward to Wednesday nights Zoom meeting with my friends.

Stay safe and happy and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

October 27, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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