Friday night and going out for fun.

Well it has been a fun week full of Susan time and I was looking forward to tonight as I am going to wear one of my new dresses I bought this week plus my new heels. I started getting ready about 5 and I was rally excited, still amazes me how having a new dress to wear can make the whole experience so much more fun and more special. Now of course being a new dress I have to include a picture as it really is a cute dress. 

I took a few pictures before I left home just to make sure I wouldn’t forget later and it was a good thing I did as I never thought about getting a picture the rest of the night. another funny thing as just a few years back I would take so many pictures when I went out now I really have to work hard to think about it although it does help when I have a pretty new dress to wear. now I guess I should also include a close up of my makeup as I think it turned out well tonight.

I left home at 6:45 and was at sweethome by 7. now I did have to park about a block away but that was okay. As I got to the door Craig, Shryl and several people from the other group that comes here were just going in and all said hi to me, this really is a great bar kind of like Cheer’s from the TV show where everyone knows your name. I went in and Chris was there on his computer. I got out my computer and caught up on a few things while we talked.

It was good to be out again as Susan. I know it is hard for people who are not transgender to understand, for that matter it can be hard for people in the transgender community to understand. For lack of a better word I am a crossdresser as I like to dress as a female but it is more than that. I have a distinct feminine side and I really think it is stringer and more define then my male side. I am more relaxed, calm happy and comfortable in my feminine side, it just feels completely right. now I know what you are thinking and that I am thinking about transitioning but no that is not the case. I like who I am in my body and don’t want to change it. yes I would like softer skin, a more feminine jaw line and yes there are times I would love to have real breasts but this is only when I step into my feminine roll and become Susan. As I said it is hard to understand, I have several friends who have transitioned and it was right for them. When I have talked to them they have told me they always new they were a girl, that they always new their body was wrong and I can kind of understand this but it s only on the thought level you really can’t understand this without the feelings and emotions that go along with it. For them there is nothing more important the become who they truly believe they are. I can understand the need a little as I have feelings similar, if I go long periods of not being Susan I get stressed out, sad, unhappy. years ago it might be every few months I just had to dress up and be Susan but now she has become such a big part of me that just a week or two and I can feel a deep need for her to come out.

There are things I think about doing all the time like my nails. If I could I would have long pretty nails always even in my male roll. at time I think it would be wonderful to have long beautiful hair all the time but that takes a lot of time and care and there are days I would not want to deal with it. it is a shame that society puts such strict rules on what is male and female as it really does cause people to miss out on things they might really enjoy. so the question is where I go from here and that only time will tell. I do know I will not transition as I do not feel that way about myself and my body. will I spend more time as Susan probably. it use to be every few months, and over the years it is to where I try to get out as Susan at least one or two times a week. I guess the best way to explain it is winning the lottery.

If I won 50 million dollars tonight how would my life change. I wouldn’t have to work and that would mean I wouldn’t have to care what others thought of me. I would have long pretty nails all the time, my ears would be pierced and I would at least grow my hair out once and see how I like it. I would probably spend most of my time living as Susan so I could see it flip flopping where maybe one or two days a week I would be my male self. of course this would mean coming out to everyone, but there would be no surgery. I would just be me as I am now happy with  both sides of my personality.

Okay got off topic again so back to tonight. Roxy also showed up which was nice. She was talking to one of the girls here at the bar names Steph. She does her hair. I got talking with Steph and she is really nice. We probably talked for 20 to 30 minutes. I really do like meeting new people. Dee also showed up as she is back in town for a few months. plus a couple other girls showed up so we had 6 of us here tonight. we ordered dinner and had a nice enjoyable time here.

I talked with some of the other people in the bar which is always nice as this is really an excepting place. Angela came over and said hi to our group and told us how nice we all looked which I never get tired of hearing. she also told me how I had such beautiful cheekbones which I actually do. that is probably the one thing that I would say is feminine about my appearance all the time, I just naturally have high cheekbones. Dawni also came over and said hi and gave me a big hug. I so love the way woman feel totally at easy hugging friends but for men it is so hard to do and uneasy. there really are just more wonderful things about being female than male.

Karaoke started and that is always fun, some of the songs I know and can sing along with and some I have never heard before. Monica and Raven shoed up. Monica had on a new hair piece and it was beautiful, she looked so awesome. now as I said it would be nice to have my own long hair but there is something to be said for wigs as you can change you look so easy with them. Well Chris sand only one song tonight and then he had t go. it wasn’t long and most of the girls left so I broke out my computer for a little while as I was not ready to leave yet. I played on my computer as I listened to people sing it was a fun night. okay one more picture.

It was after 11 when I paid my bill and left and of course I had to stop and say goodnight to my friends in the bar. I really do like this new dress. now I have to decide if I should wear one of my other new dresses Saturday night when I go out. I have 3 but one I am saving for Harvey’s next month. wow that will be hard to wait for that. I still can’t understand how I get so excited over a new dress for Susan but I could have all the new cloths in the world for my male self and would think about it in the least.

Well thanks for reading and have a wonderful day.