Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Saturday at home as Susan

Well it is the weekend and I get to spend it as Susan. now I often talk about accepting who you are and accepting others and not judging and that is something we all need to do and work hard to do better. But there is also another especially important part of our lives especially during these trying times and that is a positive attitude. I always tell people to look on the bright side of things, look for the good in people not the bad. Now as I said in my earlier blog one of the workers where my mom lives tested positive for the Covid-19 virus and as such they are on strict lockdown meaning my mom can’t even leave her room and I once again I can not go over and see her and that is sad and hard, I also don’t know if she has been exposed, I chose to believe she has not. Now on the bright I can still talk to her on the phone, it also gives me the ability to be Susan for the whole weekend, maybe a little selfish as I said no one is perfect and we all have a little bad inside us. The key is to find the good in everything and everybody. So that is my little pep talk for the day.

Now it has been a long week and my plan was to sleep in today, but my mom called a little before 8 to talk as I said she is having trouble with the isolation, so we talked for about 30 minutes. Any way I was up now so I decided to go do a little yard work before it got to warm, that way I would have the rest of the day for Susan. I was back inside by 9:30 and started getting ready. I took my time and as it will be a day at home, I did a more dramatic eye look including trying a winged eye liner and of course a bright red lipstick. I also picked one of my new Dangly earrings, they are a little longer, so they hang down several inches. I think they look cute.

Well I went downstairs and got a few pictures and then watched a little TV, today will be Star Trek the original series as I have it on DVD. I watched one episode and then fixed a little lunch. I was looking at my blog and realized I had not written my blog form Wednesday nights Zoom meeting. I decided to eat my lunch on my deck as I wrote my blog. Now my deck is pretty well hidden now with my grapes except for the one end. Well it turns out my neighbors on that side are refinishing their deck and this weekend they are sanding it down. Well anyway their deck is a little higher than the neighbor in back as they have a raised part so even when I am sitting down, I can see them from the shoulders up. You can see the railing on their deck over the fence. Well I just set up with my back to them so if they looked over that would be all they would see. I wrote my blog and enjoyed the summer weather at least till the wind picked up, it wasn’t cold just blowing my hair, so I went back inside and watched another Star Trek episode. By the way aren’t those cute earrings? It is a relaxing day at home, but I really do wish things were open and we could once again get back to our normal lives.

Well I pretty much spent the day at home relaxing, my new normal. It was about 5 and I was getting hungry and of course I will make my Saturday night trip to Panda Express. Now with the face mask requirement I don’t have to worry bout the bright red lipstick so I should blend pretty easy as I am dressed pretty casual today. I git my purse and was on my way. I got there and got a quick picture in the car before putting my mask on and going inside. Now this is the busiest I have seen them as they are once again open for going inside you just can’t eat there it is still all take out. there were 8 people there, 3 waiting I think they had call in orders, one paying and one waiting to pay one having their order put together, one in front of me ordering and me standing in line and everyone had on masks and were standing at least 6 feet apart. Now the young man who has been here the last several weeks was not there tonight so it was a young lady who helped me and she has helped me before as my male self and as I always get the same thing it does make me a little nervous although she showed no signs she recognized me of course with the mask I doubt any one would. I got my food and went to pay for it. The young lady working the register I had not seen before, but she was nice and told me she loved my earrings which made me feel wonderful. All those years of not wearing earrings I suddenly realize what I was missing. I just couldn’t take the clip-on ones to long, so I just went without. I got my food and was o my way home, a short outing but better than nothing. Now the house across the street from me is for sale and when I got home there were 3 cars with people standing in the street, looks like a relator and a family any way they were standing by one of the cars right next to my drive. I just backed into my garage right by them, wouldn’t it be funny if they turn out to be my new neighbors.

I got home again and ate my dinner and watched a little TV till my normal Saturday night shows came on. Now my mom did call several times today as I said she is having trouble with being locked down. I know she doesn’t know about Susan, but it is still nice to talk to her as the daughter she doesn’t know about. I watched my shows and worked on my blog for today. My shows will go till midnight so by the time I get cleaned up and get to bed it will be late so I will sleep in tomorrow but will have another day as Susan.

Stay safe and stay positive about life and love who you are. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.


July 11, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wednesday night Zoom meeting

Another Wednesday is here and that means I get to spend time tonight on a video chat with my friends. This is how we socialize now do to the shutdowns from the virus. now we all have different views of the shutdowns and what is going on, some want a complete shutdown of everything and some want things completely opened with no restrictions and some want something more to the middle and I won’t get into what my opinions are as I try to respect everyone’s rights to their views and beliefs. With all that is going on in the world and country we need to make sure we all show respect for others, kind of a do on to others as you want them to do to you.

I got home early so I had time to get ready which I enjoy as I really do like to take my time getting ready. Some people exercise for relaxation, others read, bake or any other numbers of things for me doing my makeup and transforming myself into Susan is what I find relaxing and how I relieve stress.in a way I am 2 different people but I need both to make me who I am and be complete. For years I struggled with who I am, and it wasn’t till I learned to accept both sides and found a way to blend them together. Self-acceptance is the most important thing; without it you can never be complete. I took about 1 ½ hours to get ready and was happy with the final look. I was all ready by 6.

I went downstairs and got a few pictures and then sat out on my deck for a while with my computer. Now I did call my Mom about 6:15 and talk with her. she is having a really hard time with the lockdown. I was able to go over 1 day a week and talk to her through a window a couple times but last Thursday they started outdoor visits where I can call up anytime and arrange to see her which was really helpful. I did that last Sunday, so I had to cut my Susan time short that day, but it was worth it. Well the sad thing is one of the workers there tested positive on Tuesday so they are on strict shutdown again so she can’t even leave her room and she is having a hard time with that, partly because she has short term memory issues that are only getting worse being isolated. In her case the isolation may pose a far worse danger to her then the virus. well we talked for about 45 minutes and I was almost late starting the Zoom meeting.

I signed on right at 7 and there were girls waiting. It was good to see my friends. We had 11 of us here tonight, Julie, Patty, Tina, April, Christie, Danika, Dawnie, Jeanie, Melissa, Nicole and of course me. We all talked awhile about how we are all doing. This can be hard on people; I am lucky as my job was not affected in reality from a financial position, I am better off right now but from a freedom standpoint and I mean being able to go out I am not. I realize we need to make sacrifices right now, but it doesn’t mean I have to like them. I don’t like going to the dentist, but I know it is something I have to do, kind of the same thing. I really think having the virtual meetings is helping everyone as we get to connect and see each other and not feel so alone and isolated.

Now we did get on the topic of the protests and we do have some different views in the group and for a brief moments looking at the faces of the girls I could see there was some tension so we will have to avoid this topic in the future. I really do think it is best not to talk politics or religions as they can really bring out strong feelings. So, where I stand and if you want to skip to the next paragraph. I support our Constitution and by that I support Freedom of speech even if I disagree with it, I will defend your right to speak. I do not support shouting someone down, trying to silence them or attacking them or a business over some one’s views or beliefs. I have had people point out the P-Club incident and say it was me forcing my views on them. That is wrong the law requires equal rights to everyone and that was what we stood up to. the owner had the right to like or dislike us but he did not have the right to refuse us service at his business and now we have people out there trying to boycot businesses to get them to target or discriminate against people because they think or believe different and that is wrong. I support the 2ndn amendment, I support the right to peaceful protest, but the key is peaceful. Your rights end when you violate the law or try to take rights away from other people. If you commit crimes, assaults, looting, stealing, arson then you are not protesting you are criminals and should be arrested. On that note we do not need to defund police or get rid of them we need more police but that being said we do need better training and the ones who do break the law just like the protestors they stop being police and become criminals. Society cannot last if they have no laws or do not enforce them. So what I support is all lives, blue lives, the idea of Black lives, not the group as the group has become corrupted but yes black lives matter as much as any other life and we need to make sure everyone in our country is treated equally regardless of race, age, sex, sexual preference, gender, religion or any other thing people use to divide us as one nation. Sorry for my political view as I try to keep that out of my blog, but I do believe all people are equal and should be treated that way even if you disagree. I am Transgender and I don’t expect everyone to love that about me or even support me, but I do expect them to support my right to be who I am. If you feel different, I support you as long as you support me to feel how I do. If we can do that then this country has a bright future.

Well we got past this topic and on to more social ones and that was good we talked about a lot of stuff tonight and just had a nice social time and as always the night went by way to fast and soon it was after 9 and girls started to sign off. Soon it was just Julie and me chatting for a few minutes, it was great to get some one on one time. I miss all my friends but a few are really special as I have spent more time with them, Julie and I car pool a lot to Wednesday night dinners and that is such a special time and the time Cassandra and I have driven to Las Vegas together and shopping with Peggy, there is just such a bond that forms when you spend so much time together. Something 15 years ago I never would have believed possible.

Now I am looking forward to the weekend and spending it as Susan and yes, I have 2 more pairs of earrings I haven’t worn yet and they are the dangly ones so that will be fun. Stay safe, stay positive and defend everyone even the rights of those you disagree with, that’s what makes us all great.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

July 11, 2020 Posted by | friends, Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sunday July 5th Susan time.

It is Sunday and one more day of Susan before going back to work. Now my life has been pretty much the same for months now because of the shutdowns. I am lucky as I am still working so I work Monday through Friday, and Susan does Wednesday night Zoom meetings and spends the weekends at home. It is a good mix and balance to my life. Now before I get to far into my blog and in celebration of Independence Day weekend I have a couple videos I would like to share that I hope you will find interesting, Mike Rowe the one Percenters, Star Spangle banner as you have never heard it, both are short and worth a listen. Well the fireworks went till almost 1 am last night so I slept in today till 9 before getting up and getting ready.

I took my time as I had no place to go at least till 6 tonight as I get to go over and see my mom for a little bit, not as Susan though. I will spend the day as Susan till about 5 before getting cleaned up and going over to see her. I did my makeup and yes today is a bright red lipstick and a summer dress and heels as I will be at home. I also chose the last pair of 2″ silver hoop earrings. I still have the 2 pairs of dangly earrings I haven’t worn yet and those will be next weekend. It was a little after 10 when I was all ready for my day, of course I started off with some pictures.

I went downstairs and watch TV for a while and then went and sat on my deck in the sun and did a little work. My deck is pretty private now with my grape plants all growing up, it was the reason I planted them years ago so I could spend tie on my deck as Susan without my neighbors seeing me, not as big of a concern now days but at one time I was scared to death my neighbors might find out. there is just something so relaxing and calming about being Susan and I am not sure why. I think it may be because I have hidden her for so many years growing up that spending time as her even just out on my deck gives me the feeling of freedom. It really is perfect out today low 70’s and slightly hazy so you get the sun, but it is filtered so not as hot.

About 12:30 it was time for lunch, and I decided to make my big outing of the day and go to McDonald and get something to eat and come home, of course I had to get a few pictures in the car. It was not much but it got me out of the house for a little while. No, I am sure I have said this before, but I live about halfway down a dead-end street so only 1 way in and out for me and years ago that did cause me worries but not anymore. Now I am not real social with my neighbors, yes, I know them on sight and always wave or say hi if I see them but only a few I know by name. there is one couple that lives 3 houses down who always wave as they pass my house if they see me out in my yard and I did talk to them a couple weeks back when I was working in my yard and they walked by as she has a leg brace on and is on crutches. She had knee surgery a few weeks back and is recovering. I only say this as they walk the street quite regular for her to get exercise. Well as I turned on my street, they were walking down it, so I had to slow down as I went by as yes, they were walking in the street. Well I drove right by them and they were on the driver’s side of my car as I passed, and both waved at me, so I waved back. They had to have both got a good look at me, but you know I didn’t even worry about it. My only real concern about my neighbors finding out was one of my neighbors was good friends with my dad and my Dad would go over ever couple weeks and visit with him and play cribbage, but after my Dad’s passing I didn’t have that to worry about and the other was my next door neighbor who is the neighbor I know the best and also the one who know about Susan as she has actually met me that way once used to work at the Assisted Living my parents oved into. She has since found a better job so not worried about that either so I really could care less what my neighbors know or think. Besides as much as I come and go, I am sure they all know.

Well I got home and ate my food and watched the movie Bat Man, I remember when it came out, it is hard to believe that was over 30 years ago. The movie got over a little after 3 and it was nice outside, so I decided to take my computer and enjoy the sunshine and start my blog. After about 40 minutes the haze burnt off and it got warm just sitting in the sun, so I moved to the shade under my grape plants, I built a trellis over the opening through the railing to the yard for them to grow over. You can kind of see them in these last 2 pictures what they look like. One from the deck with the grapes behind me and one from the yard looking at my deck behind me. I sat out on my deck enjoying a nice summer day and playing on my computer till a little after 5 when it was time to clean up and remove all traces of Susan so I can go over and see my Mom. The one thing I am a little worried about is my perfume as I did put some on today and I am not sure how easy it is to get off as I have discovered that when you wear perfume you get use to it. I have put it on and within an hour I don’t even smell it any more but have been out and several hours later had people tell me they love my perfume. I usually only wear it when I have a full day. now I will be sitting outside with my mom and 6 d feet apart so I am hoping it will be okay. I got cleaned up and was on my way to see my mom by 5:30, as I pulled out of my drive the same neighbors I passed earlier as Susan were walking down the street again and once more they waved at me and I waved back, I really wonder what they are thinking?

Now I am looking forward to Wednesday night again when I will once again video chat with my friends on Zoom and of course next weekend. Hope everyone had a safe and fun Independence weekend.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

July 5, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Saturday, July Fourth as Susan

Happy July Fourth, to quote a line from a movie “today we celebrate our Independence Day”. It is 244 years since our country declared Independence and set fourth our country. We have had some bad things in our past, but we have grown and over came them and today we live in one of the best and freest countries in the world. I am not saying we cannot do better on some things as there is always ways to improve but we can not erase things from our past that we don’t like and condemn people because they were not perfect in every way, we all have flaws. Now I know some may disagree with this but remember we all have good and bad in us. Now all I have to do is look back at my own life.

When I was young, I thought I was broken a freak because of who I was, I didn’t understand the feeling I had. Why I had the desires to wear makeup, or dresses or be feminine and I knew I was the only one in the word this way. I hid it very well and when needed I lied about it and I probably said things about other people that were not nice trying to hide who I was and take people attention off me and focus it on them. Now I am not trying to justify what I did as it was wrong and I do regret it as no one should be made fun of or picked on, it is something I am not happy about doing. But I did learn from it and I would hate for people to judge me just on that. As I learned more about how I felt and found out I was not alone it did make it easier. It has been a long journey for me to where I am now, and I still have a way to go as we never stop learning and growing. But I look back at my life and all of it, the good and the bad has helped me become the person I am and I would not change any of it or erase any part of my life and I feel the same about our country. We need to remember and teach the good and the bad, so people learn from it. So happy Independence Day.

Well I slept in till 9 this morning as I am sure people in my neighbor hood will be shooting fireworks off till after midnight and that will keep me up late. Now again I know people don’t like the noise but I look at it as it is 1 or 2 nights a year and I can get a little less sleep so others can celebrate with fire works as it is not all about me. I started getting ready and I did a dramatic eye look although no false eye lashes this week. I did go with a b rick red lipstick as it is better for the day and I will be going to Panda Express for dinner tonight, kind of my Saturday routine as I have to get out of my car and go to the door to order. I did pick another pair of earrings to wear today 2″ silver hoops that sparkle, I actually have 4 pairs I haven’t worn yet. Now it was time to start my day.

I got a few pictures as I do like to have something to remember my time as Susan, I really think it helps me to keep a record of this part of my life. Now I went downstairs and watched a little TV. Now it is a nice sunny day and going to be in the mid 70’s which is perfect. I decided to go out in my yard once again and prune my grape plants, they really grow like weeds. I spent about a ½ hour out in my yard as Susan before coming back inside. I went back inside and watched a movie, Independence Day, I know I watched it a few weeks back, but I figured it was an appropriate movie for today. I also started on my blog for today.

It was about 5 when I got my purse and headed to Panda Express to get dinner. I got there and parked and noticed they did not have the door blocked to keep people out. they are still doing just take out still, but it is like it use to be you go in and order at the counter and then carry it out. now I have gone here for years but have never gone inside as Susan. now I had a choice to make facemask or o facemask. Now there was another couple in there and they were older and wearing masks, so I went ahead and put mine on trying not to mess up my makeup. Now the funny thing is the first thing I thought of was I could have worn my bright red lipstick today. It is a little different as before I only had contact with the person at the door taking orders and the one filling the orders now, I would be inside at the counter where all the employees would see me. Now I am not worried about that but as I said I have come here for years as my male self and some of the employees have been here for a while and have seen me in my male side. I went in and yes one of the ladies behind the counter I have seen many times as my male self but with my mask covering the lower part of my face, I doubt anyone would recognize me. I got my food and then came back home to eat.

Now the rest of the night I watched TV my normal shows, 2 hours of the six million dollar man, 2 hours of Bionic woman and I will record Buck Rodgers as about 9 I could hear people shooting off fireworks and by 10:30 it sounded like a war zone outside. It will be loud till after midnight, and I can see the fireworks above the houses. No one on my street is shooting they off but one street up they are going wild so I will go stand outside later and watch them. Again, when I was young, I was one of the ones setting off fireworks and I do like them, and I get a free show from other people. Last year I went down to the fort to watch the show with Julie and Trixie of course we were our male selves and not Julie and Susan. over the years I have met some awesome people as Susan, and they are some of my closest friends really more like family and they know me both as Susan and my male self, something I would have never thought possible. I really do miss spending time with them.

I spent about 30 minutes outside watching the fire works 1 block over and then it started to wind down, so I went back inside. You could still hear them every few minutes but not like earlier. I did get a couple pictures outside, but they are a little dark. It was about 11:30 when I went back inside and finished my blog for the day. I will head up for bed about midnight and wash my makeup off and get ready for bed and hopefully by that time the fire works should have died off enough to go to bed. It has been a good day and a Happy 4th of July.

Stay safe and happy.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

July 5, 2020 Posted by | Holiday, Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wednesday night Zoom meeting

It is Wednesday the 1st of July; it is hard to believe the year is half over and what better way to start the month off then video chatting with my friends. I was looking forward to tonight, yes I get to be Susan 3 times a week right now but it is pretty much just at home, I really do miss interacting with others and most of all getting together with my friends. You really don’t realize what is important till you lose it even if for a short time. It is easy to take our freedoms we have for granted so with 4th of July coming up it is always nice to think about what we have. We live in one of the freest countries in the world if not the freest. Now no country or person is 100% perfect, but you have to look at everything. We all have things in our past things we have done, and we learn from them and grow. It would be sad if people picked out the 1 thing from our past and judged our whole life on that without looking at the rest o our lives and how we are now. With everything going on right now we all need to look at the whole life of others before we judge them. If we can all do this, we can come together as a country where everyone is respected and treated equally. Sorry got a little off track.

I stopped and picked up a burger on the way home as I was running late so it would be a rush tonight. I got home and ate quickly and then started getting ready. I knew just how I wanted to do my makeup and what dress I would wear. I was all ready by 6:45 and even went for my 3″ hoop earrings, I really like them. Now I have tried clip on earrings before and just didn’t like them but now with my ears pierced I love wearing earrings and I think they look awesome. Now I had a few minutes before I would start the meeting and took the time to get a few pictures.

It was about 6:55 when I started the meeting and again girls were waiting to join and by ab out 7:10 we had 12 of us tonight, Christie, Melissa, Danika, Tina, April, Dawnie, Cassandra, Jeannie, Julie, Nicole, Samantha and me. We really are getting some good turnouts for these video meetings and we can even have girls who can’t dress as they can turn their video off if needed. Tonight, Julie and Nicole joined us even though they were not able to dress. Now today was Nicole’s Birthday so we all wished her a Happy Birthday and then we started talking, wee had a great time and good conversation. We talked a little about the shut down and not being able to go out we are all tired of it and want it over but we all realize it will be awhile but we are all looking forward to when we can get together in person. It was great Cassandra could join us she has been really busy.

It was just a nice evening with my friends online, we talked about a lot of stuff nothing really important but a great social time and something we all needed. It really is important to keep in touch with your friends. It was about 9 when girls started to sign off, so we didn’t go as long tonight. It is always sad to see the night come to an end. Now I am looking forward to the weekend and 2 days as Susan including spending the 4th of July as Susan. it will most likely be just at home but still looking forward to it. I am also looking forward to my vacation in August I am still planning on it but may postpone it depending on several things including the virus. the big one is the 2 weeks I will take off in September and yes right now I am planning on a Las Vegas trip although that also could change but I will get my acrylic nails for that one. It has been an interesting year and will probably stay that way for a few months, but we are making the best of it.

Stay safe and stay positive and please treat everyone the way you would want to be treated.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

Have a Happy and safe July 4th as we celebrate our countries independence.

July 4, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Last Sunday of June as Susan

It is Sunday morning and I got up at 8 and had breakfast before starting to get ready for the day. I took my shower and was just getting ready to start my makeup when my mom called. Seems she needed me to pick a few things up for her so before I did my makeup, I ran to Walmart to get her things and while I was there, I picked up a new eyeliner. I have seen it on TV and wanted to try it, it is called Maybelline master precise all day liquid eyeliner. Well I got back home about 10 and started getting ready for the day and of course I had to try my new eyeliner so I went for a more dramatic look today including a bright red lipstick as I will just be at home. I also went with a different hair look today. Now I was ready by 11 and I really liked the eyeliner as it was easy to use and looked great.

I went downstairs to start my day with a few pictures. Now I did have a little work to do so I sat on my deck for a while as the sun was out and took care of it. Now doing work may not seem like that much fun but the fact I can do it as Susan on my computer is incredible. I am able to work as Susan although none of my co-works know about this side of my life. Now some tell me I should not hide this side of me, who I am, that I should be proud of who I am. Now for the record I am proud of who I am, it took me years to come to terms with this side of my life and accept it. Now one can be proud and still want privacy. Now I go out without caring if my neighbors see me and I go to places close to where I live now but I don’t see the need to just go tell everyone about this side of my life, it would be different if I was going to transition or live full time but this is still just a part of who I am. I feel if I am not going to be Susan at work then they don’t need to know. For me it is about finding a balance in my life and this is what is right for me. I then went in and watched a movie called 40 guns for Apache pass.

It was about 5:30 when my movies got over and I was thinking about what I wanted for dinner. now I original planned on just getting something at home reason I did such a dramatic look today, but I also realized I needed to go get some gas for my car. Well I really couldn’t do anything about my makeup at least not real easy but I did change out of my dress to my jeggings and a top and also changed my hair color, I got a couple pictures and then I was off. It is amazing the difference my hair color makes. I went to the Fred Meyer fuel station mainly so I could drive by my Starbucks to see if they had the tables open inside yet which they did not. I got my gas and since I was already out, I decided to go to Subway and get something to eat.

I got to Subway and there were 2 people in there, a young woman probably in her 20’s and an older man. The woman was paying for her meal and the older man just started talking to me, they were out of several things and he couldn’t understand why they were out, and we got talking about the virus and everything going on. The lady finished and as she was leaving, she told me she loved my earrings which made me feel good. I ordered my sandwich and finally got up to where I pay, and other people had come in behind me. I was on my way out and there was a young man and a woman wearing a mask and she waved at me which got my attention. Now masks can make it hard to recognize people but the young man I knew but couldn’t place so I looked back at the woman and when I got a closer look it was Lynn and of course her son. We talked briefly and it was so good to see her in person. She has joined me on Zoom a few times but still being in person is always better. I got a couple pictures in my car before heading home.

I got home and ate my dinner while watching the TV show Love Boat. At 7 I switched to AMC to watch Independence Day. when that movie is over, I will go clean off my makeup and go to bed. I also scheduled our Wednesday night Zoom meeting and sent it out. I am already looking forward to it and also next weekend.

Stay safe and stay positive, things will get better.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life

June 28, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Last Saturday of June 2020 as Susan

Well it is Saturday, the last Saturday of June. It is hard to believe the year is almost half over. This year so far has been challenging so far with the virus and shut downs and has changed all our lives, now I always like to look on the bright side of things and although I cant really go out or get together with my friends I have also had more chances to be Susan although mostly at home. Now I blog about my time as Susan and is a way to keep track of what I do and also how often I get to be Susan. this is my 73rd blog of the year so with be able to be Susana tomorrow I will have been Susan 74 times in the first 6 months of the year. If I can maintain this level of being Susan, I could hit 150 blogs (times as Susan) this year which would be my best year, so far, my best year was 2016 with 135 blogs. Now I will give my pitch again, I would encourage everyone to keep a b log, diary, personal log of their life and the things they enjoy and also some pictures even if just for yourself. It is fun to look back on things you have done.

I got up at 8 and started getting ready for my day as Susan, I really do enjoy starting my day off this way as it is like I am living as Susan. I took my time getting ready, yes doing my makeup, and getting ready is still something I enjoy and probably always will. I was all ready by 10 and today I went with a little more dramatic look with a wine-colored lipstick, different hair, and the other pair of 2 ½” gold hoop earrings. Now a couple weeks ago in one of my blogs I wondered how long it would take for my new piercings to heal completely and also how would I know. Well I can say they are fully healed and I can tell as over the last 2 weeks I have switched earrings several times and they slide in with now issues so I am pretty sure they are healed now. Now as always, I started off with some pictures.

Now I have no plans for today, so I plan on just staying at home. I started off with breakfast, oatmeal and then with a little light housework and laundry. It is nice to be able to just do everyday stuff as Susan, I think that is why I like to go shopping, out to dinner with my friends or just going to Starbuck. They are normal things I can do. For years I felt I was not normal for feeling this way and it took me a long time to get over that and even longer to accept this side of me. What I have learned is this may not be normal for most people, but it is normal for me and I don’t mean that in a bad way. By normal I mean what most people do, I am not a fan of football so watching football is not normal for me. That doesn’t mean that people who watch football are not normal as if they like it then it is normal for them. We can all get along as long as we don’t judge others based on who we are. I have said it many times I don’t expect everyone to agree with me on my dressing or my views or beliefs, but I do expect them to recognize my right to be who I am. We need to accept the differences between us without attacking each other and this goes for all aspects of our lives. If we can do that then all the issues in the world today would go away and that would be a wonderful world to live in.

Now the weather today was partly sunny and when the sun was out it was nice, so I spent a little time on my deck and started this blog and then played on my computer. I also decided to prune some of my grape plants on my deck. I got what I could from my deck and then walked off into my yard to prune the yard side. It was nice to be out and fun to do a little yard work as Susan. now I have gone out in my yard briefly for pictures, but I spent about 30 minutes out there today working. The lipstick may have been a little much for yard work, but I don’t think anyone saw me as usually I can hear my neighbors when they are out.

It was a little after 5 when I decided to go get dinner. yes, another Saturday night and another trip to Panda Express. Yes, I do this every Saturday, but I like it as it is not just going through a drive through, I get to get out of my car and go to the door and order. I placed my order and went to the other door and stood in line waiting for my food. My big outing for the day. I got my food and went home for a quiet evening watching TV. Now as I was eating, I realized I forgot to get my normal picture while in the car.

Now I will watch my normal Saturday night shows and stay up till 11 before going to bed, it has been a nice day. Tomorrow I will once again spend the day as Susan. after that I will be looking forward to Wednesday night Zoom meeting and again next weekend which is the 4th of July which falls on Saturday. Sad the perfect day for July 4th to fall on and things are shut down and I don’t think they are doing any fire works displays this year.

Stay safe and stay positive and we will all get through this together. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

June 27, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wednesday night Zoom meeting with my friends

Well it is Wednesday again, and I get to spend time with my friends online with our Zoom Meeting. Now I set it up late so it was Tuesday when I sent it out so I was wondering how many girls would join in. I got home early so I started getting ready and took my time, I really enjoy the time getting ready as it relaxes me. I did my makeup with a little darker foundation to give me a more suntan look. I also chose my link earrings today, they re a heavier one but I like them and also my summer dress as it is warm out today. I was already a little before, so I had an hour before the meeting. I went downstairs and got a few pictures, I really like these earrings, then I had to figure something out for dinner. I decided to make a quick run to McDonalds and get something to eat before we started our meeting. I really did this just so I could go out briefly as it was such a nice day. I got my food and came home and ate dinner out on my deck in the shade of course. It really was a relaxing time as I waited for 7. I tried to get some pictures in the sun, but they just didn’t turn out well, this was the best, so I decided to post it.

I started the meeting about 6:55 and there were 2 girls already waiting and again by 7 we had 7 of us online. Now we would just have 7 of us tonight, Jenifer, Nicole, Samantha, Tina, Christie, Danika, and me. It was great to see my friends and be able to talk with them it is the next best thing to getting together in person. We started off just catching up on how everyone was doing during this time. It can be a little lonely right now as we don’t get a lot of times to express this side of us and to have interaction with others.

We now moved our conversation on to support, one of our girls wives found out a while back and they have separated but her wife reached out to her about feeling isolated as she has no one to talk to about this and was wondering if any of the wives / significant others in the group would be willing to talk to her so she reached out to the group and a couple of the girls wives have said they are willing to talk with her. now we are not sure what will happen, but we are all happy for her as there is some hope. I know this can be hard for a lot of people to understand and even harder to accept. I give those women who can accept this in their partners a lot of credit and for those who can’t I don’t fault them. It took me years to understand this about myself and even longer to accept it and I figure if I had that much trouble with my own life, I can understand how hard it can be for others. Any way we talked about this for a while.

Now the next topic we talked about was religion which is one of the two topics (Religion & politic) which we try avoiding, even in our group we have some far left and some far right and every place in between. The good thing is our group is very accepting of others feeling. Now it started with a video online of a pastor who came out to their congregation as transgender. Now I am going to give my thoughts and just that my thoughts. It is wrong to discriminate against anyone based on sex, gender of sexual orientation in public businesses. That being said churches although they are open to everyone it is everyone who believes as they do, if you want to join a church you become a member by confessing you believe the same thing. The members of the church have the right to decide the direction of their church based on their beliefs just the way I do with my home. If the majority of the members are not comfortable with a transgender pastor, they have the right to rescind the call. If the majority of the member are okay with a transgender pastor then the pastor stays, but either way the members not happy have the right to leave the church, again a church is a member based association and they have the right to worship the way their faith tells them. The problem I see is most churches with the exception of the Mega churches are small and usually operate on a tight budget and this most likely will create a divide in the church and some will leave and that could destroy this church and then everyone loses. Any way back to our group, we have several girls that are religious in several different religions including myself. I don’t talk about it very often but yes; I do have a church I belong to. My beliefs are for me and I don’t push my beliefs on others. We also have a few atheists. And we had a particularly good conversation. No one was judgmental of others which was nice for such a touchy subject. Religion can be a big hurdle to overcome if you are transgender and you can have a hard time bringing the 2 together. One of the girls summed it up really well, God made all people and he made us this way and God doesn’t make mistakes.

The next topic was about going out to dinner and we have talked about it and trying to go out in smaller groups but there is an uptick in the virous and some of the girls are worried. Now we do have some older girls who are more at risk and if we do anything, we really need to make sure everyone understands the risk and know they should not go out if they are at all worried. I am not sure what we will do but I doubt if we would plan anything in the next few weeks. My personal thoughts right now would be small groups of 3 to 5 and find restaurants that have good spacing on tables and maybe outside seating as we are in the warmer weather. I think with caution it can be done safely if you are not in the high-risk category. We really did have a good conversation tonight.

It was almost 9:30 when girls started to sign off, we had talked for 2 ½ hours and it didn’t seem like that long. It was 9:30 when I shut the meeting down. It was a wonderful night. I will have to make sure and set next week’s meeting up earlier to see if we get a bigger turnout. Now I am looking forward to this weekend and once again being Susan for 2 days straight.

Stay safe and stay positive during these ruff times, things will get better if we work together.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure to read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

June 26, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Sunday Susan time and some shopping.

Sunday and some more Susan time. I got up at 8 and started getting ready. I took my time getting ready this morning as I wanted to look good but also be able to blend in as I plan on going shopping today, yes I have a few things I want to do and will do them as Susan. Now it is a little harder for me to get a natural look, women are lucky as they have smooth soft skin and a feminine look all things I do not have so I have to use makeup to smooth my look, and cover things that need covering and shape my face. I toned down my eye shadow and went with a brick red lipstick it is a good look for me in the daytime. I also went with a beveled 2″ silver hoop earring today, maroon sweater and black yoga pants. It really is a look any other women might wear. I was all ready by 10 for my day. I took a few pictures and was ready to leave, I grabbed my purse and was on my way.

It was nice to get out I have a few stops planned and my first was the Fred Meyers at Johnson Creek to get flowers for my Dad’s grave, yes today is Father’s Day and I wanted to spend some time with him. I got to Fred Meyers and went in; they were not real busy. I decided to take a quick look at their clothes to see what they had. I didn’t see anything I liked so it was off to the flower section. I picked out my flowers and was off to the cemetery, it only took about 10 minutes to get to the cemetery and it turns out they were busy. I guess a lot of people thought about coming here on Father’s Day. Now it wasn’t as bad as Memorial Day, but I did have to park further down and walk up the hill to the section my dad is in. There were 6 other groups but still 100 feet away. It was a nice sunny day and I had a good time and got a few pictures. I spent about a ½ hour here before heading to Clackamas Town Center.

I got to Clackamas Town Center a little after 12 and parked by JC Penny’s and went in. I started by looking at their dresses as they really do have a good selection but not much in sizes above 14 so I didn’t find anything and moved on to the shoe section but didn’t find anything here either. I walked down the mall mostly window shopping. I did go into Macy’s and look around and of course walked through the cosmetic section. Now the mall was busy again and it was still about 25% to 30% of the people wearing masks. One of the reasons I wanted to come today as starting this Wednesday masks will be mandatory inside public businesses which hides the face. I know it is probably needed but when I am out as Susan, I really want to be seen plus the mask will smudge my makeup. Another reason for going out was to walk the mall and get some exercise. On the weekends I pretty much just sit at home the downside to what is going on right now. I walked the mall twice down and back and I think a few others were there for the same reason. I would say about 80% of the stores are open at least on a limited basis. Some of the smaller stores had lines as they were limiting how many people could be inside. I really am looking forward to things getting back to normal. It was about 2 when I left the mall and headed for home with one more stop on the way. I needed to pick a couple things up at Costco for my Mom and I figured why not let her daughter shop for her even if she does not know about her.

I stopped at the Costco on Airport way and the first thig was to get gas. That is one of the nice things about the shutdown as I use to fill up about every 5 days now, I fill up once a week and only take about 9 to 10 gallons of gas. I pulled up and I got the same young lady I did several months ago. She is probably in her early 20’s and has beautiful eye makeup but with the face mask I really couldn’t see her whole face. Both times she has complimented me on my makeup and told me how beautiful I am which always makes me feel good inside. It really is amazing how a few kind words can make you feel. I got my gas and then went and parked and went in to get what I needed and yes Costco requires masks which hide the face. I was worried it would smudge my makeup and yes it also felt like my face was melting but I am sure it wasn’t. I got my stuff and then it was time to head home. it has been a good day out.

I got home and decided to sit on my deck for a while as it is really nice out today and I wanted to get a start on my blog, I like writing it as I go through the day so I can remember it better plus I liked the sun shine, I am ready for Summer and today is the first full day of Summer. Now it was time to watch a movie, Beverly Hills Cop. After that it was time to figure out dinner. now I like going and getting something, but I am getting tired of fast food and there is not a lot of choices. Well I decided to order a pizza from Costco and go get it. I drove to Costco and put my mask on to go in and figured I would get a picture. I went in and got it and then it was back home to eat. It was good to be able to get out some today. I ate and then watched some more TV.

About 8 I called my Mom to check on her as she is really having a hard time with the isolation right now. We get so caught up in doing what we feel is right and never think how those decisions affect others. I almost think the isolation my Mom and others in assisted living and not being able to see or interact with family and loved ones may be more dangerous to them then the virus. nothing in life is guaranteed and sometimes you just have to live and take the chances. Well we talked for almost an hour and I think it helped her.

It was after 9 now and I have to get up early tomorrow, so it was off to get ready for bed. I took my hoop earrings out and replaced them with my gold studs before removing my makeup and going to bed. Well it is Monday night and I realized I never finished my blog from Sunday and posted so I am doing that now.

Stay safe and stay positive and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

 

 

 

 

June 22, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Saturday June 20th day as Susan

It is Saturday and I start my weekend as Susan. now I have been spending the weekends as Susan for the last few months, usually get up at 8 and be ready by 10 but today I have a work meeting on Zoom at 9am which should last about an hour. I have done it before as Susan just make sure my video is off so that was the plan. I got up at 7:30 and started getting ready, yes today it was like I was getting ready for work, it was a wonderful feeling. Now my day will be at home other then going to get dinner later, so I went with the bright red lipstick and I of course wore another pair of my new earrings, a 2 ½” decorated gold hoop earrings. I am really liking the earrings, you can see my 3″ silver hoops in my blog from Wednesday night. Now I never really wore earrings as the clip-on ones I could only take about 2 hours so I am really loving my pierced ears, I should have done it years ago. I was all ready by 9 and went downstairs to join my work meeting as Susan although none of my co-workers would know, the day was off to a good start. My work meeting was way more fun as Susan. my meeting got over a little after 10 and now I was free to do what I want for the day which is not much as it is raining out.

I got a few pictures mainly to show off my earrings and then made some breakfast and sat down to watch the movie, The Martin. It is a good movie if you have never seen it. Now I really want to go out again and get my life back to normal and as things are opening I wondered about Starbucks so after the movie I decided to just take a quick drive and see if they have opened up for seating inside or if it was just the drive though as I know some restaurants are opening. I drove by the one I have been going to and the tables are still stacked in the corner so only the drive through so on my way home I drove by the one right by my house as they don’t have a drive through but same tables are stacked up and it is just to go so I guess I cant go sit in a Starbucks for a while.

Now Cassandra e-mailed me the other night we are still planning on going to Las Vegas in September between the 9th and 18th right now. The only problem is you have to wear face masks when you play blackjack which would take a little of the fun out and if things don’t get better or they get worse we may have to wear them when ever we are inside like what Oregon is starting next Wednesday. I won’t debate the wearing of masks, but it does take a lot of the fun out of being dressed up if no one can see your face. I plan to go no matter what as long as Las Vegas is open as I have 2 weeks off and plan on having acrylic nails for that time. Actually, I have a week off in early August and also thinking about getting my nails done for that week too. I love my time as Susan, but I can do that regular having acrylic nails is a 1 or 2 time a year event which makes it hard when I can’t have them.

I got home and decided to watch another Movie Apollo 13, yes, it is a movie Saturday. After the movie I did a little house work and then to my surprise the sun came out for a little while so I decided to go sit on my deck and get some sun and start my blog for the day. it is nice to sit on my deck and I really don’t have to worry about my neighbors any more as the grapes I planted around my deck are really growing and now my deck is pretty private not that I have been worried about my neighbors seeing me. I have gotten passed that, now I am not walking up to my neighbors and introducing myself, but I don’t bother looking out the window before I leave. I used to carefully make sure no one was out then getting in my car and then open the garage door and if it looked clear, start the car, and pull out. Now I just leave, I open the garage door on my way out so I am still walking to my car as the door opens just as natural as I can be. I am fairly sure most of my neighbors have to know as much as I come and go as Susan. I sat on my deck about an hour before it clouded over and started to rain again.

I went back inside and watched another movie, Oceans Eleven. It’s a good movie that takes place in Las Vegas which got me thinking about all the fun I have had in Las Vegas I am so looking forward to going again. It was about 6 when the movie got over and it was time for dinner. Yes, it is going to be Panda Express again, so I was on my way. I got there and there were about 5 people waiting at the door to pick up but no one at the door you order so I didn’t have to wait. The young man who took my order is the same one from the last several weeks and actually remembered what I wanted. I walked around and stood in line for my food. not the same as going out to dinner but best I can do at this point. I got home and ate my dinner and then will watch my normal Saturday night shows and finish my blog during the commercials. Tomorrow will be another day as Susan, and I am planning on going Clackamas Town Center for a little shopping as this will be the last weekend, I will be able to go without hiding my face in a mask.

Stay safe and stay positive things will improve and life will get back to normal. Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

June 20, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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