Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Last Sunday of June as Susan

It is Sunday morning and I got up at 8 and had breakfast before starting to get ready for the day. I took my shower and was just getting ready to start my makeup when my mom called. Seems she needed me to pick a few things up for her so before I did my makeup, I ran to Walmart to get her things and while I was there, I picked up a new eyeliner. I have seen it on TV and wanted to try it, it is called Maybelline master precise all day liquid eyeliner. Well I got back home about 10 and started getting ready for the day and of course I had to try my new eyeliner so I went for a more dramatic look today including a bright red lipstick as I will just be at home. I also went with a different hair look today. Now I was ready by 11 and I really liked the eyeliner as it was easy to use and looked great.

I went downstairs to start my day with a few pictures. Now I did have a little work to do so I sat on my deck for a while as the sun was out and took care of it. Now doing work may not seem like that much fun but the fact I can do it as Susan on my computer is incredible. I am able to work as Susan although none of my co-works know about this side of my life. Now some tell me I should not hide this side of me, who I am, that I should be proud of who I am. Now for the record I am proud of who I am, it took me years to come to terms with this side of my life and accept it. Now one can be proud and still want privacy. Now I go out without caring if my neighbors see me and I go to places close to where I live now but I don’t see the need to just go tell everyone about this side of my life, it would be different if I was going to transition or live full time but this is still just a part of who I am. I feel if I am not going to be Susan at work then they don’t need to know. For me it is about finding a balance in my life and this is what is right for me. I then went in and watched a movie called 40 guns for Apache pass.

It was about 5:30 when my movies got over and I was thinking about what I wanted for dinner. now I original planned on just getting something at home reason I did such a dramatic look today, but I also realized I needed to go get some gas for my car. Well I really couldn’t do anything about my makeup at least not real easy but I did change out of my dress to my jeggings and a top and also changed my hair color, I got a couple pictures and then I was off. It is amazing the difference my hair color makes. I went to the Fred Meyer fuel station mainly so I could drive by my Starbucks to see if they had the tables open inside yet which they did not. I got my gas and since I was already out, I decided to go to Subway and get something to eat.

I got to Subway and there were 2 people in there, a young woman probably in her 20’s and an older man. The woman was paying for her meal and the older man just started talking to me, they were out of several things and he couldn’t understand why they were out, and we got talking about the virus and everything going on. The lady finished and as she was leaving, she told me she loved my earrings which made me feel good. I ordered my sandwich and finally got up to where I pay, and other people had come in behind me. I was on my way out and there was a young man and a woman wearing a mask and she waved at me which got my attention. Now masks can make it hard to recognize people but the young man I knew but couldn’t place so I looked back at the woman and when I got a closer look it was Lynn and of course her son. We talked briefly and it was so good to see her in person. She has joined me on Zoom a few times but still being in person is always better. I got a couple pictures in my car before heading home.

I got home and ate my dinner while watching the TV show Love Boat. At 7 I switched to AMC to watch Independence Day. when that movie is over, I will go clean off my makeup and go to bed. I also scheduled our Wednesday night Zoom meeting and sent it out. I am already looking forward to it and also next weekend.

Stay safe and stay positive, things will get better.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life

June 28, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Last Saturday of June 2020 as Susan

Well it is Saturday, the last Saturday of June. It is hard to believe the year is almost half over. This year so far has been challenging so far with the virus and shut downs and has changed all our lives, now I always like to look on the bright side of things and although I cant really go out or get together with my friends I have also had more chances to be Susan although mostly at home. Now I blog about my time as Susan and is a way to keep track of what I do and also how often I get to be Susan. this is my 73rd blog of the year so with be able to be Susana tomorrow I will have been Susan 74 times in the first 6 months of the year. If I can maintain this level of being Susan, I could hit 150 blogs (times as Susan) this year which would be my best year, so far, my best year was 2016 with 135 blogs. Now I will give my pitch again, I would encourage everyone to keep a b log, diary, personal log of their life and the things they enjoy and also some pictures even if just for yourself. It is fun to look back on things you have done.

I got up at 8 and started getting ready for my day as Susan, I really do enjoy starting my day off this way as it is like I am living as Susan. I took my time getting ready, yes doing my makeup, and getting ready is still something I enjoy and probably always will. I was all ready by 10 and today I went with a little more dramatic look with a wine-colored lipstick, different hair, and the other pair of 2 ½” gold hoop earrings. Now a couple weeks ago in one of my blogs I wondered how long it would take for my new piercings to heal completely and also how would I know. Well I can say they are fully healed and I can tell as over the last 2 weeks I have switched earrings several times and they slide in with now issues so I am pretty sure they are healed now. Now as always, I started off with some pictures.

Now I have no plans for today, so I plan on just staying at home. I started off with breakfast, oatmeal and then with a little light housework and laundry. It is nice to be able to just do everyday stuff as Susan, I think that is why I like to go shopping, out to dinner with my friends or just going to Starbuck. They are normal things I can do. For years I felt I was not normal for feeling this way and it took me a long time to get over that and even longer to accept this side of me. What I have learned is this may not be normal for most people, but it is normal for me and I don’t mean that in a bad way. By normal I mean what most people do, I am not a fan of football so watching football is not normal for me. That doesn’t mean that people who watch football are not normal as if they like it then it is normal for them. We can all get along as long as we don’t judge others based on who we are. I have said it many times I don’t expect everyone to agree with me on my dressing or my views or beliefs, but I do expect them to recognize my right to be who I am. We need to accept the differences between us without attacking each other and this goes for all aspects of our lives. If we can do that then all the issues in the world today would go away and that would be a wonderful world to live in.

Now the weather today was partly sunny and when the sun was out it was nice, so I spent a little time on my deck and started this blog and then played on my computer. I also decided to prune some of my grape plants on my deck. I got what I could from my deck and then walked off into my yard to prune the yard side. It was nice to be out and fun to do a little yard work as Susan. now I have gone out in my yard briefly for pictures, but I spent about 30 minutes out there today working. The lipstick may have been a little much for yard work, but I don’t think anyone saw me as usually I can hear my neighbors when they are out.

It was a little after 5 when I decided to go get dinner. yes, another Saturday night and another trip to Panda Express. Yes, I do this every Saturday, but I like it as it is not just going through a drive through, I get to get out of my car and go to the door and order. I placed my order and went to the other door and stood in line waiting for my food. My big outing for the day. I got my food and went home for a quiet evening watching TV. Now as I was eating, I realized I forgot to get my normal picture while in the car.

Now I will watch my normal Saturday night shows and stay up till 11 before going to bed, it has been a nice day. Tomorrow I will once again spend the day as Susan. after that I will be looking forward to Wednesday night Zoom meeting and again next weekend which is the 4th of July which falls on Saturday. Sad the perfect day for July 4th to fall on and things are shut down and I don’t think they are doing any fire works displays this year.

Stay safe and stay positive and we will all get through this together. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

June 27, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wednesday night Zoom meeting with my friends

Well it is Wednesday again, and I get to spend time with my friends online with our Zoom Meeting. Now I set it up late so it was Tuesday when I sent it out so I was wondering how many girls would join in. I got home early so I started getting ready and took my time, I really enjoy the time getting ready as it relaxes me. I did my makeup with a little darker foundation to give me a more suntan look. I also chose my link earrings today, they re a heavier one but I like them and also my summer dress as it is warm out today. I was already a little before, so I had an hour before the meeting. I went downstairs and got a few pictures, I really like these earrings, then I had to figure something out for dinner. I decided to make a quick run to McDonalds and get something to eat before we started our meeting. I really did this just so I could go out briefly as it was such a nice day. I got my food and came home and ate dinner out on my deck in the shade of course. It really was a relaxing time as I waited for 7. I tried to get some pictures in the sun, but they just didn’t turn out well, this was the best, so I decided to post it.

I started the meeting about 6:55 and there were 2 girls already waiting and again by 7 we had 7 of us online. Now we would just have 7 of us tonight, Jenifer, Nicole, Samantha, Tina, Christie, Danika, and me. It was great to see my friends and be able to talk with them it is the next best thing to getting together in person. We started off just catching up on how everyone was doing during this time. It can be a little lonely right now as we don’t get a lot of times to express this side of us and to have interaction with others.

We now moved our conversation on to support, one of our girls wives found out a while back and they have separated but her wife reached out to her about feeling isolated as she has no one to talk to about this and was wondering if any of the wives / significant others in the group would be willing to talk to her so she reached out to the group and a couple of the girls wives have said they are willing to talk with her. now we are not sure what will happen, but we are all happy for her as there is some hope. I know this can be hard for a lot of people to understand and even harder to accept. I give those women who can accept this in their partners a lot of credit and for those who can’t I don’t fault them. It took me years to understand this about myself and even longer to accept it and I figure if I had that much trouble with my own life, I can understand how hard it can be for others. Any way we talked about this for a while.

Now the next topic we talked about was religion which is one of the two topics (Religion & politic) which we try avoiding, even in our group we have some far left and some far right and every place in between. The good thing is our group is very accepting of others feeling. Now it started with a video online of a pastor who came out to their congregation as transgender. Now I am going to give my thoughts and just that my thoughts. It is wrong to discriminate against anyone based on sex, gender of sexual orientation in public businesses. That being said churches although they are open to everyone it is everyone who believes as they do, if you want to join a church you become a member by confessing you believe the same thing. The members of the church have the right to decide the direction of their church based on their beliefs just the way I do with my home. If the majority of the members are not comfortable with a transgender pastor, they have the right to rescind the call. If the majority of the member are okay with a transgender pastor then the pastor stays, but either way the members not happy have the right to leave the church, again a church is a member based association and they have the right to worship the way their faith tells them. The problem I see is most churches with the exception of the Mega churches are small and usually operate on a tight budget and this most likely will create a divide in the church and some will leave and that could destroy this church and then everyone loses. Any way back to our group, we have several girls that are religious in several different religions including myself. I don’t talk about it very often but yes; I do have a church I belong to. My beliefs are for me and I don’t push my beliefs on others. We also have a few atheists. And we had a particularly good conversation. No one was judgmental of others which was nice for such a touchy subject. Religion can be a big hurdle to overcome if you are transgender and you can have a hard time bringing the 2 together. One of the girls summed it up really well, God made all people and he made us this way and God doesn’t make mistakes.

The next topic was about going out to dinner and we have talked about it and trying to go out in smaller groups but there is an uptick in the virous and some of the girls are worried. Now we do have some older girls who are more at risk and if we do anything, we really need to make sure everyone understands the risk and know they should not go out if they are at all worried. I am not sure what we will do but I doubt if we would plan anything in the next few weeks. My personal thoughts right now would be small groups of 3 to 5 and find restaurants that have good spacing on tables and maybe outside seating as we are in the warmer weather. I think with caution it can be done safely if you are not in the high-risk category. We really did have a good conversation tonight.

It was almost 9:30 when girls started to sign off, we had talked for 2 ½ hours and it didn’t seem like that long. It was 9:30 when I shut the meeting down. It was a wonderful night. I will have to make sure and set next week’s meeting up earlier to see if we get a bigger turnout. Now I am looking forward to this weekend and once again being Susan for 2 days straight.

Stay safe and stay positive during these ruff times, things will get better if we work together.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure to read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

June 26, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Sunday Susan time and some shopping.

Sunday and some more Susan time. I got up at 8 and started getting ready. I took my time getting ready this morning as I wanted to look good but also be able to blend in as I plan on going shopping today, yes I have a few things I want to do and will do them as Susan. Now it is a little harder for me to get a natural look, women are lucky as they have smooth soft skin and a feminine look all things I do not have so I have to use makeup to smooth my look, and cover things that need covering and shape my face. I toned down my eye shadow and went with a brick red lipstick it is a good look for me in the daytime. I also went with a beveled 2″ silver hoop earring today, maroon sweater and black yoga pants. It really is a look any other women might wear. I was all ready by 10 for my day. I took a few pictures and was ready to leave, I grabbed my purse and was on my way.

It was nice to get out I have a few stops planned and my first was the Fred Meyers at Johnson Creek to get flowers for my Dad’s grave, yes today is Father’s Day and I wanted to spend some time with him. I got to Fred Meyers and went in; they were not real busy. I decided to take a quick look at their clothes to see what they had. I didn’t see anything I liked so it was off to the flower section. I picked out my flowers and was off to the cemetery, it only took about 10 minutes to get to the cemetery and it turns out they were busy. I guess a lot of people thought about coming here on Father’s Day. Now it wasn’t as bad as Memorial Day, but I did have to park further down and walk up the hill to the section my dad is in. There were 6 other groups but still 100 feet away. It was a nice sunny day and I had a good time and got a few pictures. I spent about a ½ hour here before heading to Clackamas Town Center.

I got to Clackamas Town Center a little after 12 and parked by JC Penny’s and went in. I started by looking at their dresses as they really do have a good selection but not much in sizes above 14 so I didn’t find anything and moved on to the shoe section but didn’t find anything here either. I walked down the mall mostly window shopping. I did go into Macy’s and look around and of course walked through the cosmetic section. Now the mall was busy again and it was still about 25% to 30% of the people wearing masks. One of the reasons I wanted to come today as starting this Wednesday masks will be mandatory inside public businesses which hides the face. I know it is probably needed but when I am out as Susan, I really want to be seen plus the mask will smudge my makeup. Another reason for going out was to walk the mall and get some exercise. On the weekends I pretty much just sit at home the downside to what is going on right now. I walked the mall twice down and back and I think a few others were there for the same reason. I would say about 80% of the stores are open at least on a limited basis. Some of the smaller stores had lines as they were limiting how many people could be inside. I really am looking forward to things getting back to normal. It was about 2 when I left the mall and headed for home with one more stop on the way. I needed to pick a couple things up at Costco for my Mom and I figured why not let her daughter shop for her even if she does not know about her.

I stopped at the Costco on Airport way and the first thig was to get gas. That is one of the nice things about the shutdown as I use to fill up about every 5 days now, I fill up once a week and only take about 9 to 10 gallons of gas. I pulled up and I got the same young lady I did several months ago. She is probably in her early 20’s and has beautiful eye makeup but with the face mask I really couldn’t see her whole face. Both times she has complimented me on my makeup and told me how beautiful I am which always makes me feel good inside. It really is amazing how a few kind words can make you feel. I got my gas and then went and parked and went in to get what I needed and yes Costco requires masks which hide the face. I was worried it would smudge my makeup and yes it also felt like my face was melting but I am sure it wasn’t. I got my stuff and then it was time to head home. it has been a good day out.

I got home and decided to sit on my deck for a while as it is really nice out today and I wanted to get a start on my blog, I like writing it as I go through the day so I can remember it better plus I liked the sun shine, I am ready for Summer and today is the first full day of Summer. Now it was time to watch a movie, Beverly Hills Cop. After that it was time to figure out dinner. now I like going and getting something, but I am getting tired of fast food and there is not a lot of choices. Well I decided to order a pizza from Costco and go get it. I drove to Costco and put my mask on to go in and figured I would get a picture. I went in and got it and then it was back home to eat. It was good to be able to get out some today. I ate and then watched some more TV.

About 8 I called my Mom to check on her as she is really having a hard time with the isolation right now. We get so caught up in doing what we feel is right and never think how those decisions affect others. I almost think the isolation my Mom and others in assisted living and not being able to see or interact with family and loved ones may be more dangerous to them then the virus. nothing in life is guaranteed and sometimes you just have to live and take the chances. Well we talked for almost an hour and I think it helped her.

It was after 9 now and I have to get up early tomorrow, so it was off to get ready for bed. I took my hoop earrings out and replaced them with my gold studs before removing my makeup and going to bed. Well it is Monday night and I realized I never finished my blog from Sunday and posted so I am doing that now.

Stay safe and stay positive and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.





June 22, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Saturday June 20th day as Susan

It is Saturday and I start my weekend as Susan. now I have been spending the weekends as Susan for the last few months, usually get up at 8 and be ready by 10 but today I have a work meeting on Zoom at 9am which should last about an hour. I have done it before as Susan just make sure my video is off so that was the plan. I got up at 7:30 and started getting ready, yes today it was like I was getting ready for work, it was a wonderful feeling. Now my day will be at home other then going to get dinner later, so I went with the bright red lipstick and I of course wore another pair of my new earrings, a 2 ½” decorated gold hoop earrings. I am really liking the earrings, you can see my 3″ silver hoops in my blog from Wednesday night. Now I never really wore earrings as the clip-on ones I could only take about 2 hours so I am really loving my pierced ears, I should have done it years ago. I was all ready by 9 and went downstairs to join my work meeting as Susan although none of my co-workers would know, the day was off to a good start. My work meeting was way more fun as Susan. my meeting got over a little after 10 and now I was free to do what I want for the day which is not much as it is raining out.

I got a few pictures mainly to show off my earrings and then made some breakfast and sat down to watch the movie, The Martin. It is a good movie if you have never seen it. Now I really want to go out again and get my life back to normal and as things are opening I wondered about Starbucks so after the movie I decided to just take a quick drive and see if they have opened up for seating inside or if it was just the drive though as I know some restaurants are opening. I drove by the one I have been going to and the tables are still stacked in the corner so only the drive through so on my way home I drove by the one right by my house as they don’t have a drive through but same tables are stacked up and it is just to go so I guess I cant go sit in a Starbucks for a while.

Now Cassandra e-mailed me the other night we are still planning on going to Las Vegas in September between the 9th and 18th right now. The only problem is you have to wear face masks when you play blackjack which would take a little of the fun out and if things don’t get better or they get worse we may have to wear them when ever we are inside like what Oregon is starting next Wednesday. I won’t debate the wearing of masks, but it does take a lot of the fun out of being dressed up if no one can see your face. I plan to go no matter what as long as Las Vegas is open as I have 2 weeks off and plan on having acrylic nails for that time. Actually, I have a week off in early August and also thinking about getting my nails done for that week too. I love my time as Susan, but I can do that regular having acrylic nails is a 1 or 2 time a year event which makes it hard when I can’t have them.

I got home and decided to watch another Movie Apollo 13, yes, it is a movie Saturday. After the movie I did a little house work and then to my surprise the sun came out for a little while so I decided to go sit on my deck and get some sun and start my blog for the day. it is nice to sit on my deck and I really don’t have to worry about my neighbors any more as the grapes I planted around my deck are really growing and now my deck is pretty private not that I have been worried about my neighbors seeing me. I have gotten passed that, now I am not walking up to my neighbors and introducing myself, but I don’t bother looking out the window before I leave. I used to carefully make sure no one was out then getting in my car and then open the garage door and if it looked clear, start the car, and pull out. Now I just leave, I open the garage door on my way out so I am still walking to my car as the door opens just as natural as I can be. I am fairly sure most of my neighbors have to know as much as I come and go as Susan. I sat on my deck about an hour before it clouded over and started to rain again.

I went back inside and watched another movie, Oceans Eleven. It’s a good movie that takes place in Las Vegas which got me thinking about all the fun I have had in Las Vegas I am so looking forward to going again. It was about 6 when the movie got over and it was time for dinner. Yes, it is going to be Panda Express again, so I was on my way. I got there and there were about 5 people waiting at the door to pick up but no one at the door you order so I didn’t have to wait. The young man who took my order is the same one from the last several weeks and actually remembered what I wanted. I walked around and stood in line for my food. not the same as going out to dinner but best I can do at this point. I got home and ate my dinner and then will watch my normal Saturday night shows and finish my blog during the commercials. Tomorrow will be another day as Susan, and I am planning on going Clackamas Town Center for a little shopping as this will be the last weekend, I will be able to go without hiding my face in a mask.

Stay safe and stay positive things will improve and life will get back to normal. Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

June 20, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Wednesday night Zoom meeting

Well it is Wednesday, and we are doing our Zoom video meeting again tonight. I got home and started getting ready, I really look forward to this as I get to share an evening with my friends. It is the next best thing to going out to dinner with them. I took my time and enjoyed every minute of my transformation from male to female. I was happy with the way I looked, and I chose a dress and heels tonight even though no one would really see the whole outfit. The last thing was my earrings. I got my ears pierced about 3 months ago and last weekend I bought some new earrings, actually 8 pairs so I was thinking is I wear a new pair each time I dress which is 3 times a week it would still take almost 3 weeks to wear them all. Well most of them are hoops and one is a really big silver one and I wondered if they were to big so I picked that one as I would be at home tonight. They are 3″ I also have 2 pairs of 2 1/2″ gold hoops and 3 pairs of 2″ silver hoops. I put them on, and I really like them. With my long hair I think they looked really good on me, will be interested to see what others think.

I was ready by 6 so I had some time to play on my computer and yes get some pictures and show my earrings off. I really like them and yes getting my ears pierced was a wonderful decision. I played on my computer till 6:50 and then decided to start the meeting and see if I could get my background image to work but there were already girls waiting to join. We had 8 of us logged in before 7 and all 11 girls tonight by a little after 7 so I guess I was not the only one looking forward to tonight. Tonight, we had Nicole, Jennifer, Julie, April, Dawnie, Samantha, Christie, Danika, Melissia, Patty and me. Tonight, was Patty’s first Zoom meeting. She is one of our newer members but had been coming out on Wednesday nights sometimes. We seem to be getting good turnouts for these meetings. We started off by catching up with Patty and what is new in her life. Also, several of the girls are growing their hair out and in a way I am also. I have not gotten a haircut since mid-February; my hair is the longest it has ever been. I can get away with it because of things being shut down and I am thinking of seeing what it looks like in a few months. Now I do like the ease of wigs and the fact I can change style easily but something fun to think about growing my hair, of course with the grey in it if I really wanted to have my natural hair long I would probably have to get my hair colored so I am pretty sure I will stick with the wigs.

We had a good discussion tonight, Jennifer asked each of us what one thing we like the most about being feminine and we all had things we really liked, of course mine was long acrylic nails. Something I would do all the time if I could but in reality, only do 1 or 2 times a year. I also really love makeup and of course dresses and heels. Some of the girls really liked high heel and dresses, the one thing we all agreed on was that woman’s choices for clothes and shoes are way more fun and a lot more choices then men have. The next topic was how we see ourselves when we dress, in other wards when we dress are, we trying to dress the way we find woman attractive. We all do this to some degree. For me, one of the first things I notice are her nails and then her makeup. I don’t think anyone dresses in a way they would find someone unattractive. Now I am not saying some women are unattractive as beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what I may find unattractive others may think is beautiful. As I said for me a woman with pretty nails or a red lipstick is something I am drawn to.

We also talked about relationships and how some wives and girlfriends can accept or even support their spouses dressing and others can’t. now I give the woman that can support this a lot of credit, but I will not say anything bad about those who can’t. this is a hard thing to deal with and I know for myself it took me years to come to terms with it and accept it. In relationships there really is 3 people and that can cause issues. Now I don’t have a lot of firsthand knowledge on this as only once did the woman I was seeing know about this side of my life, she met me as Susan and yes there were really 3 of us in the relationship. When I was my male self the relationship was at least a little different then when I was Susan with her. again, this is my own thoughts, but I think some woman see our female’s selves as the other woman in the relationship. I often wonder how I would feel if a woman I was dating suddenly showed up with short hair, no makeup, and a fake beard & mustache. I think I would be supportive I hope I would, but it would definitely change things some. When you are in a relationship, things you do affect the other person just as much as things they do affects you. I really do give those women who can accept this side of us a lot of credit. We really do have some good conversations. Let me know what you think of my earrings.

Now we are thinking of trying to go out in a few weeks as there are restaurants that are opening we may have to do smaller groups but Julie talked to one and they said they could fit a bigger group in as it was about social distancing between groups, not so much the group size. Now I am looking forward to this weekend and once again being Susan. I am planning on going to shopping on Sunday and probably put flowers on my Dads grave for Father’s Day.

Stay safe and stay positive, when you are out smile as a smile goes a long way.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog.

June 18, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Sunday and some fun Susan time

It is Sunday and yes, another day of Susan. I got up at my usual time of 8 and started getting ready. There is something about starting the day off this way. Yes, by definition I am a crossdresser, but it is way more then that. I have a female side and I need to be able to express it and so I am also transgender. I am not going to Transition but my female side is just as real as that of women. For me it is not about my physical body but more about my emotional wellbeing. If I ever won the lottery and didn’t have to worry about work or money I would probably live most of my life as Susan as I am just more well balanced that way but I would still have my male side also. People try to fit things in terms they know and understand and that can be an issue. Don’t take this the wrong way but for me I can’t understand someone who feels they are in the wrong body and that is only because I don’t have those feeling. I can support them and help them and try my best to understand and I can even feel what it must be like, but I will never truly know what it feels like because I don’t feel that way. We can’t judge people based on our experiences because they may feel different inside. Just because someone feels different, believes different or has a different point of view they are still a person who deserves respect, after all we all want people to respect us for who we are and not judge us on their views on life. Sorry I got a little preachy just seeing a lot of hatred online lately on all sides and we need to stop that.

Well I get dressed and I did a more casual look today, I did go with a red lipstick but more of a brick red which I think is good for a daytime look and I toned down my eye makeup, no false lashes today. I was all ready by 10 and wore my jeggings and a sweater top pretty much what I think most women would wear for a day out. I called and talked to my mom for about 30 minutes as she is having a hard time with the isolation as we all are but for people in assisted living it is really hard as they are really restricted right now and I guess they need to be. Now it was time to think about the day ahead. I heard Clackamas Town Center was open and I really wanted to go. The last time I was there was back in March when I got my ears pierced. Now I did debate it as to if it was a good idea. But then I figured I could also stop by the Cemetery and put flowers on my Dads grave and that was the deciding factor. I grabbed my purse and was on my way. My first stop was the Fred Meters at Johnson Creek as that is close to the Cemetery and I went in and got some flowers, it was a quick in and out stop. The Cemetery is just up the hill from there, so I got there a little after 11 and parked, there were a few other cars but no one near my dad’s grave. I went and put the flowers on his grave. Now my mom really wants to go and put flowers on the grave, but she can’t right now and that is also hard on her. I thought about taking a picture of the grave to show her, but I have not told her I have been going. Not because I go as Susan but I am not sure if that would help her out knowing someone was going and putting flowers on his grave or if that would just be harder on her as she can’t go right now. Now while I was here 3 other groups came to this section but they were still 50 to 100 feet away and one big group of 8 walked by me to get to the other section but I just went about what I was doing. There is something special to me about going here as my dad’s daughter even if he didn’t know. I stayed here about 30 minutes before walking back to my car and leaving.

Now it was off to Clackamas Town Center as it is only about 10 minutes from here. I got there and parked by JC Penny’s and went in. now I was looking at people going in as I was parking and some had face masks and some didn’t but I put mine in my purse just in case as I am not sure what the rule is. It was about 11:45 and there were more people here then I thought there would be, but everyone was trying to keep their distance. It was such a wonderful feeling to be out again, I looked at the dresses and shoes in Penny’s before going out into the mall. I would say about 25% of the people had on face masks and it was mostly the older people. Now coming here today was really for 3 reasons, first I really just wanted to be out but also it was about getting a little exercise and being able to walk the mall. The last few months I really have been a lazy person on the weekends and that is not healthy. The 3rd reason and really the most important is I wanted to look at some earrings for my pierced ears.

Now inside I noticed about a 1/3 of the stores were open but there were people lined up at a few and that is when I figured out that most of the stores are not opening till 12pm. Well I decided to make my first stop the food court just to see how it was. It was open but I would say they only had at most 25% of the tables set up and all spaced apart which is good. I went to Kelly’s Cajun grill and got some food; it was good but a little warm, so I was glad I got a large drink. By the time I was finished it was almost 12:30 and I figured the stores that were going to open would be open, so it was back out to walk the mall. It really did feel good to be out again. I walked the full length down and back before looking for some earrings. There are two stores I was interested in. Claire’s and Icings. The first one I came to was Claire’s, so I went in. I have never really looked at the pierced earrings before as I couldn’t wear them till now, they have a selection, 6 or 7 spinning racks full. Now they had a sign on the top of the racks buy 3 get 3 free. Now these are just costume jewelry but for now they will be fine.

Now I had only planned on buying 1 or 2 pairs but well you guessed it I bought 6 so I could get the 3 free. With my purchase complete I was back in the mall to walk around a little more. I came across Icings and they also had racks and signs buy 3 get 3 free, I thought about going in, but I stopped myself as I thought I had enough earrings for now. I really need to find a way to store them now. I walked back to Penny’s and out to my car as I felt that was enough for today.

On the drive home I realized next Sunday is Father’s Day and I am going to go back to the cemetery again so I will once again go to Clackamas Town Center. It was about 2:30 when I got home, and the first thing was a picture of my earrings, one of the packs has 3 sets in different sizes so I really got 8 pairs today. Now it was partly sunny and nice out, so I decided to sit on my deck and start this blog and then just played on my computer for a while. It really has been the most enjoyable day for months. It is funny how the little things matter. I sat on my deck till 4 before going inside. I watched Tv till about 6 before making myself dinner, yes, I am coking up a chicken breast and baked potato on my grill tonight. I also set up a new Zoom meeting for this Wednesday for the group. Now I don’t want to offend anyone so feel free to skip to the next paragraph. Today is Flag Day, on June 14th, 1777 our country adopted the Stars and Strips as the country’s flag, and I have a need to recognize that. It is also our Presidents birthday and it is not if you like him or not, but the office of President deserves respect no matter who the man in the office is so Happy Birthday. I am proud of our country and I have a need to show respect for it but that is my feelings. That doesn’t mean we as a country has not made mistakes as everyone does, but I still feel we have the best country in the world.

Now I will watch TV till about 9 before removing my nail polish and makeup and getting ready for bed as I have to go back to work tomorrow. I am now looking forward to Wednesday night and seeing my friends again online. Stay Safe and stay positive and remember if you want people to respect you and your views and treat you as you want to be treated you also need to do that to others. United we stand or divided we fall.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

June 14, 2020 Posted by | shopping, Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Saturday as Susan

Well my weekend started on Friday night when I got home, I decided to paint my nails. The color I picked is Fuchsia so I will have pretty nails for the weekend. One of the simple joys in life. It was a relaxing night at home and a good start to the weekend. I got up Saturday morning at 8 to start my day. I started with my shower and started getting ready. Now it was so much better today as everything I did, I could see my pretty nails, yes, I do wish I could have pretty nails all the time. I took my time doing my makeup and yes, I enjoyed it. It was about 10 when I was ready for my day, it is nice to start the day this way. I went downstairs and made some breakfast and took care of some work I had to do so I spent about an hour taking care of that while I ate. I do like doing some of my work as Susan.

With that done it was time for a few pictures. Yes, I have gotten more pictures the last few months at home then I have probably taken in the last year, but I want to document my time as I have been trying some different looks. Now it was time to figure out what I would do today at home. I was playing on my computer and realized I had still not written my blog from Wednesday nights Zoom Meeting with my friends so that was the next thing to do. We had a good night talking and it was nice to see everyone. Once my blog was done, I did a little housework and started some laundry. Not an overly exciting day but at least I get to be Susan. now it was time to sit down and watch a movie, the first one I chose was Caddy Shack.

Now it is going to be a rainy weekend but a few times the sun came out briefly and it stopped raining, so I did get a chance to go out on my deck for a little bit and pictures. Now I am thinking of going to Clackamas Town Center tomorrow for a little bit as I heard they are open but the temptation to go today was also there. Well I didn’t as I had things to do at home. Later on, I watch Ancient Aliens, I am not sure I believe what they say but it is interesting to watch and I like to hear all sides. I think it is especially important for people to hear all sides of an issue and then make their best decision based on all the information. If you only hear one side, you cannot make a good decision. People make judgements all the time this way and it is wrong. Before you judge someone you should get to know them first you might find you have more in common and even if you have a different view on things you should not attack them for their views or beliefs. After all, how would you feel if someone did that to you. I may not agree with your views or opinions, but I will respect your right to them and defend your right to have them. We need to put these petty differences aside and treat everyone with respect. Sorry got a little off topic there.

It was about 5:30 when I got hungry and decided to go get some dinner. yes, I am once again going to Panda Express to get some dinner. I have been going here on Saturday nights to get dinner now for several weeks. Now I was lucky as it was not raining at the tine as you order at the main door and walk around to the other door to pick up. I got there and got a quick picture before going up and ordering. There were 2 women waiting to pick up their dinner but no one at the door to order so I didn’t have to wait. I placed my order and walked over to join them waiting for my food. the first 1 was young probably around 20, she got her food and as she left and walked by me, she smiled and said hi, so I said hi also. The other lady had on a rainbow shirt and I am guessing it was for Pride, we chatted for a few moments about the weather but that was it as her order was ready and she left. My food was also ready, so I was on my way home to eat. I really want to go out to dinner with my friends even if it is just in small groups.

I got home and had a nice dinner and settled in for an evening of watching TV. I stayed up till midnight watching TV before getting ready for bed. I will get to spend Sunday as Susan also and I am looking forward to it. My time as Susan is just as important to me as my time as my male self. I need both sides of me to make my life complete. Have a great weekend and stay safe and stay positive and please treat everyone the way you would want to be treated.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

June 14, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wednesday night Zoom meeting with friends

Well it is once again Wednesday and that means I get to video chat with some of my friends. Now we have been doing this every Wednesday now for 2 months and it has been going well. We get 8 to 13 each week which is awesome as I think most of us are tired of not being able to go out. this shut down can be a little harder on the T-girl community as sone get such limited time to be their female self. Some girls only get to dress when they travel be it work r for fun and that has mostly been put on hold. others only get to do it when they are home alone either by sneaking it in or because their spouse who is trying to support them will leave the house so they can dress and again that is not really an option right now. I know we are all having a hard time with this and I don’t mean to diminish how this is affecting others, but I can point out some of the issues facing our group. For me up till March I really haven’t dressed at home in years as I really do want to go out when I am Susan but the last 3 months it really has been just dressing at home. we are all trying to make the best of a bad situation as that is really the only way, we will get through this.

Well I was running late tonight so I stopped and got a burger to eat on the drive home so I would have as much time to get ready. It was a little after 5 when I got home and started my transformation to Susan, this really is a wonderful feeling. I took my time and I was all ready about 6:30 so I had a little time before the meeting started. I took this time to get a few pictures for the night. It was a few minutes before 7 when I started the meeting and girls were already waiting and by 7, we had 7 of us online. We ended up tonight with 10 and I will do my best to remember who all was there, but I am writing this a couple days later so if I miss you I as sorry. We had Julie, Jennifer, Nicole, Danika, Christie, Samantha, Dawnie, Billie Jeanie, and me. It was great to see everyone as it really makes my day, I really have missed being able to go out with them.

Well we took a little time to catch up with each other, this was Billie’s first zoom meeting. She used to come out to the Escape every once in a while, so it was good to see her and catch up. now it was time to talk about a couple questions girls had posted to the group. The first question was about traveling as our female self especially flying. Now I have traveled a lot as Susan but have never flown on a plain something I want to do. Now several of our girls have flown and they have had no problems as the TSA has specific guidelines for Transgender passengers and that helps a lot. Now that means you may not have an issue with someone as no matter what you try to do there are always a few people that don’t know or understand or are just jerks but they are rare and you should not judges the whole TSA for a few bad people. It is wrong to judge a whole group of people, race, sex, gender, young, old, or even police because of a small minority. I still hope to fly as Susan someday as I think it would be fun. The one thing to remember is dress appropriately, like the other woman are dressed. Remember you may have to take jewelry off, shoes just like any other woman.

The next question was about hair and about gender neutral hair styles. A few of our girls are or want to grow their own hair out. it is something I think we all think about. Now we have a couple girls in in our group that actually do hair, but I really do think most people who do hair would be helpful as I think they are happy with any paying customer. I have gone to many nails salons to get my nails done as Susan and my male self and have always been treated well. I really think most businesses are happy with anyone who wants to spend money with them. Now I have actually been thinking about it as I generally keep my hair short as when it starts getting long it bugs me. Now I had got my hair cut back in mid-February and usually get it cut every 4 to 5 weeks. Well with the shut down it has been 4 months and the funny thing is either it has got past the point it bugs me or I have just gotten use to the longer hair. Now I am wondering if I should just let it keep growing. On the other side I do like wigs as I can change up the style, color really easy to get different looks. I also think it might be more expensive to really take care of real hair as I would probably have to have some hair color as I do have some grey which for my male self is fine but not so much for Susan. Well something a lot of us are thinking about, I think. Either way it was a good discussion tonight.

It really did go by fast as soon it was after 9 and we were all still talking, this really does give us a little bit of being social and brings back some normalcy during these tuff times. I encourage all of you to stay in touch with family and friends. It was about 9:30 when girls started signing off and our meeting came to and end for the week. I will schedule another meeting for next Wednesday. Now I am looking forward to this weekend and spending another weekend as Susan. I have heard that Clackamas Town Center is open, so I am thinking about a quick shopping trip on Sunday just to get out.

Stay safe and happy and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

June 13, 2020 Posted by | friends, Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Sunday Susan time at home

Sunday and another day at home as Susan. now I stayed up watching TV last night till midnight and by the time I got cleaned up and got to bed it was after 12:30 am but I still got up at 8 this morning to start my day. Now I love the time I spend getting ready as Susan but somehow getting up in the morning and getting ready just makes it more special as it really is like I am Susan as it is not just for part of the day. now I know when I make statements like this, I get some who think I am leaning towards transitioning so I will try to explain my feelings on this matter as it is complicated and took me a long tine to figure this out for myself.

Yes, when I am Susan, I am Susan, I feel and believe I am female and that is how I want to present myself and have people see me as and treat me as. What that means for me is when I am Susan, I do wish I was completely Susan, I do everything I can to look as mush like a female as possible. Yes when I am Susan I wish I had real breasts, rounder hips and butt and a smooth front and of course smooth skin and narrow waist and shoulders, in other words I do wish I was completely female but that is Susan’s feelings. I also have my male side and feelings that goes along with that. When I am not Susan I am happy with my body and who I am, now I will admit even as my male self I would like smoother skin and long pretty nails but that is as far as it goes on my male side. I have said it many times I am also happy with my male side. Now if money were no object and I did not have to worry about a job I would live more of my life as Susan but not all of it. The last thing I will say is if and I mean if I ever did transition I would still be a crossdresser as there would be time I would want to be my male self and I would be crossdressing back to male. So simply put I need both my male and female side to be complete and that may make my life more complicated than most, but I love who I am. The best advice I can give anyone is take the time to figure out who you are and do not let others influence you and be happy with who you are.

Well I took my time getting ready this morning, not as dramatic on my eyes but I went with a bright red lipstick which is my favorite it took me about 1 ½ hours to get ready to start my day and I was happy with the way I looked. I got a few pictures before starting my day. Now I also had a little work to do today and yes I actually have a Zoom meeting work related at 10 but for this I logged on with my desk top computer as that one has no web camera so I didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing me. This is actually the 3rd zoom meeting I have done for work as Susan just without video. I really do wonder what the others would say if they could see me. 20 years ago, I hid in my house and now I go out any place I want and am doing work as Susan in a way, wow how times have changed. I finished my work and it was about 11:30 so I was ready for lunch.

Now I wanted to get out, so I decided to make a quick run to Taco Bell and get lunch just to get out of the house, yes just going through the drive through but better then nothing. I got a couple pictures in my car as I waited for my food and then it was back home to eat, on the way home I noticed I was almost out of gas so I will have to get some but will do it later so my food doesn’t get cold plus will give me another reason to go out. I decided to watch a movie, to it is Midway as today f the 78th anniversary of that battle. Later on, my brother called me, and I talked with him for a while and luckily it was during a brief sun break, so I was able to be out on my deck enjoying some sunshine. This is another thing I wonder about, what my brother would think if he saw me this way as Susan. I really think my brother, Mom and my best friends on my male side would accept this but I am just not willing to risk it for something that is only part of who I am so I won’t be telling them. It started raining so I went back inside and started another movie called Liar Liar. It was about 6 when that movie got over.

Now I needed to go get some gas, so I was once again off for my second trip out for the day, short trips but better than nothing. I went to Fred Meyers to get it because I wanted to see if the Starbucks there was letting people in yet as I know the nail salon by my house is open again. Their tables were still stacked up, but I am hoping they will let people in shortly as I really do miss my Starbucks time. I get to see my friends on Zoom which helps with that. I got my gas and then as it was getting late, I stopped by McDonalds to get something for dinner, yes, the weekends are my fast food nights. Now it was home to eat and watch a little TV till bedtime. It is 9 pm now and I will be going to bed right after I post this as I have to be up at 5:30 to go to work. Now I am looking forward to Wednesday night as I have scheduled another Zoom meeting for my friends and again next weekend will be Susan time again. The last 3 months I have been getting Susan time at least 3 ties a week which I am enjoying.

Stay safe and stay positive about all things going on now as I trust it will get better. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new.

June 7, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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