Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Last Saturday of May as Susan

Well another Saturday at home as Susan, now I got a late start today as I had to take my car in to the dealer. Last week I took it in for some warranty work well a couple of my buttons don’t work and guessing they didn’t get connected right so I had to be to the dealer at 7:15 this morning. Now as I was wearing my face mask, I went ahead and put on mauve lipstick before I went. Now the funny part of this is when I got there I remembered they had free hot chocolate so I got a cup and took of my mask while I drank it even though there were probably 10 other people sitting around but everyone was keeping their distance. I did write my blog from Wednesday night Zoom meeting while I waited for my car. I got home about 9 and started getting ready for my day as Susan. I took my time and was all ready by 11 to start my day as Susan. I did a wine color lipstick and a less dramatic eye look I also put my dangly earrings in for the day.

Now I had a couple comments on my blog asking to show my outfits which is hard to do by yourself, but I did try by propping up my phone, but they are not the best as it really is easier to have someone else take your picture. I also got a few other pictures and loving my earrings, and then sat down to watch TV. Last weekend o started watching the TV show Chips and I only got halfway through Season 1 last week, so my plan is to finish it this weekend. I watched the first hour and then decided to go to Taco Bell and get lunch at noon. Yes, on the weekends when I am Susan my outings are pretty much limited to going and getting fast food.

I got home and even though it looks like it will rain today it was in the upper 60’s out today so I decided to eat lunch on my deck and do a little work on my computer. Now the funny thing is I was sitting right by my house under the overhang and it started raining so I sat there and watched the rain as it got harder and then there was some thonder and lightning also which is rare here as we normally don’t get thunder storms here. It was pretty interesting till the rain got really hard and the lighting got close and it did get a little cold, so I went back inside to start watching some more TV and played on my computer some more.

Now I am getting a lot of Susan time but it is pretty much just at home but it is better than nothing and the fact I get to spend it as Susan does help me get through the fact everything is shut down. During these tough times we all need to find something we like, something that makes us happy, something to look forward to and Susan is mine. It was a relaxing afternoon at home, and it was fun to watch the rain today as there were a few really hard rainstorms, there is something I like about them when I am inside a warm house. In between breaks I did get out once and get a quick picture outside. By the way, the earrings look really cute and I can’t wait to get some more, I am so happy I got my ears pierced.

I watched TV till a little after 6 when it was time for dinner and yes I am keeping my streak intact as I decided to go to Panda Express again which is becoming my Saturday night dinner choice. I drove down and parked and of course got a picture in my car, now I have my favorite picture but would be interested in what you think. I went and ordered my food and there were 4 people behind me and then went around to the other door and got my food and then back home. I think that is why I like Panda Express as they don’t have a drive though so I have to walk up to the main door and then around to the other so it is kind of like being out briefly. Now it was back home to eat and watch more TV.

I will finish the evening watching the Six Million Dollar man and then the Bionic woman till bedtime. I will stay up till 11 before removing all traces of Susan. I will once again spend Sunday as Susan so I am looking forward to that and of course we will once again do a Zoom meeting this Wednesday. Stay safe and stay positive till things get back to normal.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

May 30, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Wednesday night Zoom meeting with my girlfriends

It is Wednesday and that means meeting my friends in a virtual meeting on Zoom, the best we can do right now. I got home from work about 4 today so I was early so I started getting ready right away and took my time, again going for a more well maybe not natural but daytime look. In other words, not as heavy on the eye makeup and a little lighter on the foundation although yes, I did go for a bright red lipstick. Once done I picked out my summer dress and I was ready. Now it was just a little after 5 and I needed to get dinner so I made a quick trip to McDonalds to get something to eat, not the same as going out to dinner with my friends but it will do for now. I got back home and ate dinner out on my deck as I waited for 7 and our meeting to start. After I ate I went back inside and got online and went to Zoom to check prices, the package I need is $14.99 per month but if you pay for a year it is $149.99 so you get 2 months free which really is not that bad. Now I am hoping we will only need this for a month or two so I went for the month to month one, of course there is a little sales tax on that but still just a little over $16 per month and that is less then what it would cost me for one dinner out with my friends so it is well worth it so no I have no time limit well I do but it is 24 hours so I don’t think that is an issue. Now I did remember to get some pictures tonight.

A couple minutes before 7 I started the meeting and a couple girls were already waiting. We actually had 9 again tonight. Julie, Melissa, Christie, Dawnie, Danika, Tina, April my self of course and Nicole who joined us late. she had no video as she was not able to transform into Nicole. It was not to catch up and find out what everyone was doing the past week of course we also talked about the shut down and when we thought we would be able to get together again. Some think it will be longer and some want it now and that is okay. I am ready for it now. My thoughts are simple, start easing things and those who feel it is safe or they are at a low risk and feel comfortable going out can and those who feel they are more at risk can still stay home. again, my political view. Clark County where I live is starting to open things up in the next week, Multnomah county is not but no matter where you live in Multnomah county you are only 30 minutes at most from Clark county and those who are ready or want to go out are just going to drive that 30 minutes. I do it all the time when we were having our Wednesday night dinners out, so they will come to Clark county and run just as big a risk of getting the virus as if Multnomah county opened and then they will go back to where they live. The risk to people in Multnomah County will be just as high but their businesses are still shut down and I guess it will help out the businesses in Clark county. I don’t see the benefit of one being shut down and one not, but I digress.

Well we talked a little while about a lot of things, Jennifer couldn’t make it and she really is at coming up with questions for the group to consider and last week Christie came up with a question and she did it again tonight. She wanted to know people’s thoughts on Hormones. Now as I said Transgender covers a wide range of people from your casual crossdresser to those who fully transition and of course our group has some of all which really makes our group wonderful. Now Hormones actually do a lot more then most people think. Some girls who are in the middle maybe leaning towards transition Hormones can really help even if they are not going to transition all the way and by that I mean the surgeries as you can fully transition and live completely as a female without having the surgeries. For some it helps with their mental look on life, as I said transgender covers a lot of people and some girls have what is called Gender dysphoria. It is about their brain being female in other words they think, feel and have a totally female outlook on life and Hormones can really help that and the depression that comes with that, something I didn’t understand really and just going on hormones for some girls is enough. Now our group has several girls that are on hormones right now and it was good to hear their thoughts on it. Now they may or may not have surgeries down the line and really that is for them to decide what is right for them, but it makes you think.

Now I am sure everybody in the transgender community has at least thought about hormones at one point even if just a brief second and that is natural as we are trying to figure this out. now again I have absolutely no desire to have surgeries and fully transition but I have over the years thought about hormones and what it would mean to me. Now from talking with the other girls I and fully confident I don’t have gender dysphoria so I don’t need it for that but there are other benefits to hormones. One I guess it gets rid of all your body hair, not facial though, too bad. They also soften you features by redistributing your body fat, in other words it will soften your facial features a little which I guess would be a plus as it is slow and over time. It also does the same things I guess for your hips and butt which would also be nice. The big plus for me and something I would love is it softens your skin and makes your facial pores smaller something I would really love. and of course, there is breast development and that can be maybe 1 cup size to very noticeable and I guess you start feeling and seeing it within 3 to 6 months. Now yes when I am Susan I would love all of these things and most of them when I am not Susan would be okay but having breast would be hard to hide in my male life especially in the summer or if I wanted to go swimming. I have talked with a few girls who went on hormones and have herd that in that 3 to 6 months before they came out they had to wear a tight sports bra to push their breast down so people wouldn’t notice and at some point even that didn’t work and in some cases they came out before they had planned because of it. Now the one big question for me is how it affects your mind and thoughts. I already know that girls with gender dysphoria this really helps their mental outlook, which is good, but it also makes me wonder what else it will do. Now being transgender has nothing to do with sexual preference as I have absolutely no interest in men, but would the hormones affect that part also. Again my thoughts and nothing against anyone who likes or are attracted to men but that is not something I want as I really do love woman, the soft skin, hair, makeup and when I am Susan I try my best to emulate what I find attractive. I don’t want to sound shallow of superficial but if a woman has her makeup done nice, pretty long nails, long hair and in a dress and heels she has my attention. So bottom line is yes, I do think about hormones especially when I am Susan but for me there is so many things to consider and for right now hormones are not something I would do for the reasons listed above but that is what is right for me. My last little note on this is if you want to do hormones please, please go though a doctor as there are risks.

Well we had a great meeting and it really was nice not having to have Jennifer set up another meeting and then me do it again just to keep going. It is easily worth the money. We kept talking till a little after 9 before girls started signing off, it was probably about 9:15 when I ended the meeting for the night.

Sorry I once again went long in my blog, but I found the talk about hormones interesting. Stay safe and keep a positive look on life. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

May 30, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Memorial Day blog and it’s a little long, sorry

Happy Memorial Day everyone, here is a song for Memorial Day, I am proud to be an American. The blog for today will be at the end as I wanted to post a couple other things first. Now normally I stay away from political views in my blog but today I have to speak out. I will highlight it pink so feel free to skip over but first a little view on my life as a crossdresser. Now I have cross-dressed for as long as I can remember although I didn’t understand it and it took me a long time to understand it and even longer to accept it and be okay with it so I will explain. Now growing up this part of my life was a complete secret; I hid it from all my friends. As time went by, I finally started going out for drives and then finally made my first venture going into a LGBT bar called Embers and now I had a whole new issue. As I met people as Susan now, I was hiding the other part of my life. People who didn’t know about Susan I would lie to and make up stories about what I did and where I was and people who knew about Susan I would lie to and make up stories about who I was on my male side and where I lived and worked, I really was living a double life trying to keep it all straight. This actually put more stress and pressure on me and made it. Most people understand hiding your crossdressing from family and friends but not many think of or realize once we start going out the new people, we meet we have to hide are regular life also.

Now I made some really good friends when I started going out and it put a lot of stress on me when I told them lies but I was still scared of people finding out who I really was and connecting the 2. Now as time went by my trust grew but it was still hard but the next step was I quit telling lies and just told them I wasn’t comfortable telling them my name, or where I worked or lived and most seemed to accept that. Finally I just couldn’t have such good friends and not let them know who I was and I started trusting some enough to give them my real name and all about me and even let them see me in my male life. For the first time in my life I didn’t have to keep secrets from a few people, and it felt wonderful. I have done things with some of them both as Susan and as my male self and they truly are my best friends. Now on my male side that is not the case although over the years I have come close. Now that doesn’t mean I am just going to tell everyone about, but I have also decided I am not going to lie about it. Now years back I was so afraid of people finding out but when my neighbor ladies said they saw me to my surprise instead of denying it I just admitted it to them, and they seemed fine with it. Now I still am not just coming out to everyone as I figure it is none of their business but if they see me and ask I will not lie about it and that make my life so much easier as I do go places near my where I live now.

Now I get a little political with it being Memorial Day I thought I would talk about our rights and freedoms which really are the best in the world. Now this started when I saw a post online and it may be a joke or to make a point, but it got me thinking, the post was supposable between 2 people and it went like this. Person 1 a trans person was saying they couldn’t go to their electrolysis appointment, person 2 made the statement they couldn’t get their hair done and person 1 replied, look bitch you are worried about getting your hair done while I am growing a f***ing bread and mustache. Now my point here is we are all worried about our lives and how thing affect us, but we also need to think about others. In this case to the trans person the other persons issue seemed minor and not worth the fuss and I am sure to the other person it was the same. We need to think of others and value their views. Even if you disagree.

Our constitution and bill of rights gives us a lot of freedoms that other countries don’t have and being Memorial Day I thought I would remind everyone about that as week celebrate and thank our service men and women. Now some of social media is censoring some speech they disagree with violating our constitutional rights of freedom of speech and some seam okay with it as it is speech they disagree with and that is wrong. Denying anyone their rights is wrong, now it is people you disagree with but what if 5, 10, 15 years from now it is you who are being censored or denied your rights. We need to stand together and protect these rights. So, let’s talk about abortion and second amendments gun right as these are the most divisive issues today and before you get excited I am not here to push one side or the other, yes I have my opinions on both but the point is both sides have the right to their opinion and to deny one side or the other is wrong. I can disagree with someone but still stand with them to make sure their rights are protected. Now as I said I try to keep political stuff off my Facebook page, but I get stuff on my feed from others and I sometime disagree and state my opinion. What I have found is a lot of these people don’t want other opinions they just want you to accept theirs and if you don’t they unfriend you something I have not done yet as I can be friends with people I disagree with.

Remember 40 or 50 years ago LGBT people really had no rights, they could be arrested, beaten up, or fired and there was nothing they could do because their rights were denied. Today we don’t have that problem as most people finally stood up to help protect our rights even if they disagreed with how we live. When I am out as Susan, I expect well hope people will treat me as female and that is how they will gender me. If someone miss genders me I will politely explain my gender to them but if they continue I will just let it go as they still have that right just as much as I do to be gendered correctly and my rights are no more important to theirs. In some places they could get a ticket or even get arrested for that and that is wrong. You can not make freedom of speech against the law. If I support that then in the future if they want to make my gender expression against the law, I will also no longer have those rights. We must support everyone’s writes otherwise no one will have rights. Something for everyone to think about.

Well it is Memorial Day and I have it off so it will be a day as Susan. I got up at 8 and started getting ready, now today was all about countering my face. No false eye lashes, more natural eyeshadows although I did go for a red lipstick but what I really wanted was to try and shape my face and see how it turned out and it is actually a very pretty daytime look well if I had a more neutral lipstick. You can see from the pictures above. I went downstairs to start my day. after a beautiful day yesterday today, it is raining so it will be spent inside watching TV. I have season one of CHiP’s and if you know what that is your as old as I am.

About 3:30 I started getting hungry probably because I hadn’t eaten all day, so I thought about what to have for dinner. I decided to call Little Caesars and order a pizza to pick up it will be my little outing for the day. I drove down and got my pizza they were not buys at all and then it was back home to eat and watch some more TV till bed. I will stay up till 10 and then it will be time for bed and back to my male self till Wednesday and that will mean removing my red nail polish also. It was a pretty quiet day but a good end to a 3-day weekend.

Happy Memorial Day

Stay safe and positive during these times and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

May 25, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Sunday of Memorial Day weekend

Well it is Sunday of Memorial Day weekend and I thought I would start off by thanking all our Military personnel present, past and future for all you have done. It is because of you we live in a free country and have the freedoms we do or should have so let’s hope we get those back. Well back to today I got up at 8 and started getting ready, I did a more dramatic eye look, fully lined upper and lower and false eye lashes but a I did more of a brick red lipstick, I think it turned out well especially my eyes. Now it was time to start my day, it was about 10 when I went downstairs and got a few pictures, it looks like it is going to be a beautiful day, mid 70’s. Now as it is a holiday weekend and I still have one more day I decided to also paint my nails. It is funny how doing my makeup or painting my nails makes me feel better. With my nails painted it was time to figure out what to do today. Now my Mom called to talk for a while and she told me she was almost out of Diet Coke so I need to pick her some up although she has enough for a couple of days so no hurry but Fred Meyers has it on sale this weekend for Memorial Day so I figured why not save a little money and get out as Susan for a little shopping. Now my eyes may be a little much for shopping, but it gets me out of the house for a little bit.

I was off to Fred Meyers and on the way I was making a list of a few things I also needed and then I thought since I was out maybe I should go to the Cemetery and put flowers and a flag on my Dad’s grave. I got to Fred Meyers and went in and got the pop, some chips, bread and the flag but when I got to the flower section they had nothing, all the flowers were gone so I decided to see what they had in the garden center. I found a small flowering plant and went to the checkout and was on my way. There is something about doing everyday things as Susan. It was about 11:30 and I have a 25-minute drive to the Cemetery, so I hit McDonalds to get something for lunch to eat on the way. As I got close to the Cemetery there was a roadside flower stand so I pulled over and walked back to it and got some flowers. Now being Memorial Day weekend I figured it would be busy at the Cemetery but it was way busier then I thought, it was like rush hour traffic going in. it usually takes me 2 minutes to get from the gate to my Dad’s grave site today it took 15 minutes, cars parked every where along the road making it just wide enough for 1 car. And when I got there all the parking was taken so I had to park down by the next section and walk and there were people everywhere. I had to walk by so many groups of people and there were people all around. I did get a few pictures, but it was hard as with all the people around I tried to make it look like I was taking pictures of the view. The Cemetery was full of flowers and flags it was really pretty. As crowded as it was it was an incredible experience to be there today.

I stayed here about 30 minutes before leaving and as slow as it was coming into the Cemetery getting out was even harder as all the cars were still coming in. It took almost twice as long to get out, so it was about 2 pm when I got back home. Now it was time to sit on my deck and start this blog and enjoy some sun and of course get a few more pictures. I sat outside till about 4 before going in and watching the Six Million Dollar man I recorded last night. at 5 it was time for dinner, so I went to Subway and got a sandwich, they were not busy which surprised me as it was dinner time. I talked with them a little while they made my sandwich about how the shutdown has affected them, it has hurt their business, but they are hoping things will pick up. now I do go get fast food a lot as Susan as I like getting out, but it is also my way of supporting some of the places I like. Now it was back home for the rest of the night.

It was still nice outside, so I ate my sandwich on the deck and enjoyed a little more sun, I am looking forward to summer and the nice warm weather, later in the week it will be in the 80’s. looks like summer is here. After I ate it was back inside to finish off my night. I will watch the TV show Last Man Standing with Tim Allen, found this show a while back and it is so funny. I am in Season 2 right now. I will probably go to bed around 11 tonight and then I get one more day tomorrow as Susan as it is a Holiday and I have it off. I have been getting a lot of Susan time the last couple months just at home.

Please be safe and stay positive as we go through this and again Thanks to all of our Service men and women and what they have done for our great country. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life. By the way I was looking at my blog and noticed I have passed 1300 blogs actually this is my 1307th blog. When I started my blog, I never imagined would have this many.

May 24, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Saturday and a late start for Susan

Well the Memorial Day weekend is here and that means 3 days as Susan, well actually it kind of started Friday night. I got home from work and decided to get dressed up for the evening, it was a quick makeup job and just a simple dress, one I bought years ago and one I just wear around the house and then I made dinner and watched some TV till bed time. Now I really wanted to paint my nails but tomorrow morning I have to take my car in for some work, it is a warranty work for a recall on something so I couldn’t paint my nails this weekend. Now before bed I wash my face and get most of my makeup off but my lipstick needs baby oil and so I left that on while I slept, yes I like waking up and seeing my pretty lips and as it stays on so well it doesn’t get on my sheets. I got up Saturday morning about 7:30 and made sure all my eye makeup was off but decided to leave my lipstick on as it was a mauve color and not real bright and just figured I would wear my face mask, now I did briefly think about dropping off my car as Susan but just not ready for that yet. It is the one good thing about wearing a face mask is I can do this. I got to the Toyota Dealership right at 8 and dropped off my car, it was going to take about 4 hours and I had scheduled a ride home. well it turns out there were about 20 people sitting in their waiting room so I guess I could have brought my computer and just sat there but I really needed to go home as I have some yard work and my Susan time has been keeping me from it. Well it is not a shuttle services they got me a LYFT ride home and paid for it. Well I worked in my yard till about 12:30 when they called me and told me my car was ready and scheduled me a LYFT ride back to get my car. I got cleaned up and noticed I still had my lipstick on, I had forgot about it and just spent the last 4 hours working in my yard with it on although none of my neighbors were out. I removed it before going to get my car as when I get home, I will become Susan for the rest of the day. It was about 1:30 when I started getting ready. I enjoyed my time getting ready and tried to do a more daytime look, but I did go with a wine-colored lipstick. It was about 2:30 when I was dressed and then I went downstairs and got a couple pictures.

Now I just had to figure out what I was going to do for the day, it was kind of nice out, over cast with some sun breaks so I decided to sit on my deck for a while with my computer. Well I realized I had not written my Blog from Wednesday nights zoom get together so that was the first thing on my list. It would get a little cold then the sun would break through and warm up. it was nice and I have a bird feeder on my deck and even with me sitting here bird would fly in so I would watch them a little as it is only about 6 feet from where I was sitting, my typing didn’t bother them but if I did make a sudden move they would fly away. I also got some training I needed to do done and then started this blog. It was just a relaxing day and I was enjoying it. I sat on my deck till 5 when I decided it was time for dinner as I had not eaten yet today and yes, I decided I would go to Panda Express. I think this is becoming my Saturday dinner as I have done this, I think the last 3 weeks in a row.

I got my purse and was on my way, it is only a mile away and didn’t take long. They were not busy as there were just 2 young men at the door to order, so I got in line behind them 6 feet back and waited my turn. I placed my order and walked around to the other door and got my food and was back on my way home. yes, this was my big outing of the day. I did get a few pictures in my car; I am trying to make up for not getting any pictures on Wednesday night. I got home and turned on the TV to see what was on, the Movie the Magnificent Seven was on but it was the new one from 2016 which I have not seen but I love the original one from 1960 so I thought I would watch it. Well it was okay, but I like the original one way better. Right after this was the movie Red Dawn also the newer one which I haven’t seen so I decided to watch that one also. Again, it was good, but I liked the original better. It may be that it’s just that I really liked the first one and that is what I grew up with. I also watched the Bionic Woman tonight and recorded the Six Million Dollar man to watch tomorrow. Now I have been trying pictures where I am looking away from the camera and some of are turning out surprisingly well.

I will stay up till about midnight tonight before going to bed and then tomorrow will spend another day as Susan. It has been a good day and a wonderful start to a 3-day weekend.

Stay safe and stay positive during this time as it will end, and things will get back to normal. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

May 23, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wednesday night Zoom get together with friends

It is Wednesday again and that means I get to see and talk with some of my friends online as we have been doing a Zoom meting for the last several weeks. During this shut down we can’t get together in person and this is the best we can do, and it really does help plus we have had some really good discussion, Jenifer has put out some really good topics to talk about and this week Christie sent out an e-mails for us to think about and discuss so I was looking forward to it. I got home a little early and started getting ready. I wanted to look good but did mix it up a little with my makeup. My eye makeup was more subtle with medium browns instead of the dark browns so more natural looking and I went with my coppery brown lipstick, it really is a nice look for daytime and not overdone. I really do like playing with makeup and trying different looks even though I do have my regular look I go for.

I was all ready by 5:30 and as I had not had dinner, I made a quick trip to Jack in the Box to get something to eat. It is funny as pretty much any more the only time I go get fast food is as Susan, I guess it is my way of going out. I got back home and ate my dinner as I watched TV and waited for 7pm when our meeting will start. I called my Mom about 6:30 to talk with her, she does not know about this side of me but in my own mind I was her daughter talking with her. I have only been able to see her 1 time on Mother Day since March 13th and that was because someone screwed up where she is staying. Now with our county getting ready to ease things I will be able to go over and see her for short periods of time but through a window as to make sure there is nor person to person contact but anything will be good as my Mom has had a really hard time with this isolation. We talked till just before 7 when I started the meeting. Girls were already waiting when it opened. I am actually thinking about paying for the service for a couple months just so we don’t have to keep starting a new one plus I could actually start it earlier.

We had another good turnout tonight, 11 of us. Julie, Jenifer, Nicole, Christie, Danika, Jeanie, Amy, April, Dawnie, Myself and Holly. Holly is one of our newer members and has not been out with the group before, so this really was the first time we have met so that kind of made the night special. Of course, we all wanted to get to know her a little so there were lots of questions and she told us about herself. I guess we all should have told her a little about ourselves also. Holly seems really nice and is a wonderful addition to our group and we are all looking forward to meeting her in person when we can get out again. Now it was time to take up Christie’s question which is, the term “Transgender” is often used to refer to a spectrum that covers all of us who enjoy or feel the need to present as female. At one end of the spectrum would be individuals who feel strongly that their true gender identity is female, who might be described as suffering from severe gender dysphoria, and who want very much to transition (or have transitioned) and live life full time as female. At the other end would be people who enjoy dressing occasionally as women, but who have no desire to go beyond that. How does the notion of being on a transgender spectrum work for you? If it doesn’t, why not? If it does, where do you feel you would fit on the spectrum, and why would you place yourself there?

Now I Have thought a lot about this over the years trying to figure out who I am and where I fit in, it has been a long journey. We had a lot of good discussion on this and everyone had their thoughts and views on this and how it applies to them. Now I am by no means and expert and this is just my thoughts and may be different then others. I have always viewed Transgender as kind of an umbrella for all people who shall we say bend the gender roles, but it is also more than that to me. For a long time, I just considered myself a crossdresser, I liked to wear makeup, do my nails and dress up. over the years I have come to understand that I am more then just a crossdresser and even though Transgender is an umbrella term to me it also describes how you feel. Yes, I am male and was born that way but that is not all I am, I also have a feminine side to myself. I have asked people before how they see their gender and I always put it this way. If 0 is ultra-feminine, 5 is gender neutral & 10 is an ultra-macho where do you fit in. what I have found is most of my male friends (remember these are people who don’t know about Susan) say they are a 7 or an 8 and most of my female friends say they are a 3 or a 4. The point is you are not just one point on this scale no matter who you are as it depends on what you are doing. Is it your wedding day, are you going out dancing with your girlfriend at a club, a first date with someone you really like, cleaning the house or doing yard work. How you view things will very some depending on what you are doing. I have a female friend that if she is just at home doing nothing wears no makeup and jeans and a sweatshirt but if she is going out of the house she always has on makeup and if it is out to dinner or a club it is a pretty dress and heels, so for her it is really more of a range from 2 to 5. I feel I just have a wider range and fall some place between a 2 & an 8 with being most comfortable at probably a 4 or a 5 so slightly on the feminine side. Now before you get excited no I am not thinking of transitioning as for me that is something else, for me what I am talking about is my emotional feelings and not my physical body. Any way that is my thoughts on this and again this is what is right for me and it may be different in others. Any way it was a good discussion, thanks for the question Christie.

Well we did 3 meetings as my 40 minutes ran out and Jennifer started a meeting and when her 40 minutes ran out I started another. We kept the meeting going till 9pm and had a great time. At 9 we decided to call it a night and we all said our goodbyes and 1 by one people logged off; we were down to just 4 pf us when the meeting closed. I have set up a meeting for next Wednesday and Jennifer will not be able to join us as she has family coming to town so now I am really thinking of paying for a membership for a couple months till we can once again start going out. it was a fun night though and so glad to spend it with my friends.

Now I am looking forward to the weekend. It is Memorial Day weekend and that means a 3-day weekend for me, of course there is no place to go so I will be at home again, but it will mean 3 days as Susan. I also forgot again to get a picture tonight, I am really bad on these Wednesday nights about that, but I will have pictures for the weekend. Sorry this went long as I try to keep my blogs around 1,000 words as I think that is a good length.

Stay safe and stay positive as this will end and things will get back to normal. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

May 23, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Sunday as Susan

It is Sunday and another day as Susan at home. Now it has been more then 2 months since things have been shut down and we can’t go anyplace really so it has been hard, but I am surviving. I really do miss the social part of going out with my friends probably why I look forward to Wednesday night’s Zoom meetings, I set one up today and sent it out to the group in hopes we will have another good turnout. I got up around 8 and started getting ready taking my time doing my makeup. Now being Sunday I decided to wear a dress for the day and change up my hair a little. I was ready and downstairs by 10 and of course got a few pictures. I did a lighter look on my foundation and not sure how it goes with this hair. Now it actually looks like it might be a nice day out as the sun is out. I made some breakfast and watched a little TV, not much on really but I found a Movie called Connie and Carla and I thought it was a cute movie, 2 women witness a murder and end out hiding as Drag Queens.

Now I have no real plans for today but I did want to get out of the house so after my movie I decided to take a little drive down by the river, it was just nice to be out for a while. Now I maybe should not have worn the dress as it would have been nice to park and walk a little by the river but being in a dress, I decided the drive was enough. Of course, I did get a few more pictures in the car. I was only gone about 40 minutes, but it was nice. I got home about 1 and as the sun was out and I didn’t get a walk by the river I decided to sit on my deck for a while. Now I use Quickens for my finances and have for about 30 years and I have 2 checking statements to balance. I knew I was behind on this so I figured since my male side supports Susan, she could at least catch things up by balancing my checking account. Well it turns out I was further behind then I thought but Susan got it all caught up. It really was nice to sit outside today; the weather is perfect and even sitting in the sun is nice. I did some training I needed to get caught up on and also some e-mails and just playing on my computer. I also started on this blog as I kind of like writing it as the day goes by. I spent about 3 hours out on my deck till the battery on my computer ran out.

I went back inside and plugged my computer in and searched for a new movie to watch and found Six day’s and Seven nights which is also a really good movie. Now over the last 2 months I have watched so much TV and movies, probably more than I watched in the last 2 years. Years ago, I loved sitting at home as Susan and now I do it because I have to. I really hope things start opening up soon as I really do want to start going out again. My movie got over and I had to decide what would do for dinner, should I make something at home or go get something. Well I am sure you guessed my choice as Susan wanted to be out even if it was just going for some fast food. Now before I went, I changed my outfit and also my hair.

I got in my car and drove to McDonald’s to get a burger; I know it is not the healthiest, but I figure on the weekends I can eat a little less healthy. I placed my order and then as I waited in line to get my food, I got a quick picture. It is funny how a hair change can change your look so much. I got my food and went back home to eat, and it was still nice out so I sat on the deck and ate and could hear my neighbors on their deck behind me. I had just finished and was wondering what to do when my Mom called me, I have actually talked to her a few times today. She is really having a hard time with being locked in. my mom is doing really well although her short-term memory is not good, and I think it is getting worse with the isolation. She is having a hard time understanding what is going on and why I can’t come over. I almost think the isolation is worse for her then the risk of the virus. I talked with her for about 45 minutes. I hoped it helps her, I really need to find a way to get to see her.

It was now getting cool outside, so I went back in and looked for something to watch for the rest of the evening. The history channel which I like had some shows tonight called the men who built America: Frontiersmen so I started watching it and it was really good, it covers from the revolutionary war to through the Lewis and Clark expedition. If you get a chance to watch it, you should. They then had another one that covered the early Indian wars and the war of 1812 of course that one will go till midnight and as I have to get up early for work tomorrow, I will tape the end of it. Now during the commercials, I would work on finishing my blog. As I typed I could see my red nails which I love but also realize I need to remove it before work tomorrow so about 9 I pay used my show and went up and removed the polish, red is a little hard to get off by the way. With the polish off I would watch my show till 10 and then go remove my makeup and go to bed ending my weekend as Susan. it really has been a nice weekend at home. now I look forward to Wednesday night with my friends online and next weekend. I am hoping to have Memorial Day off so I may actually get 3 full days next weekend.

Stay safe and keep a positive attitude while we deal with the virus and shutdowns, it will end, and things will get back to normal. Thanks for reding and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

May 17, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Saturday as Susan again for the weekend.

Yes, it is the weekend once more with no place to go but can bee Susan for the whole weekend. It actually started Friday night when I got home from work. I got home a little before and got ready and quickly did my makeup and of course did my nails for the weekend, a nice red color. Now it was time to settle in and watch a little TV till bed, just a new normal Friday night. it was getting late and I thought about going to bed and realized I still had not written my blog from Wednesday night so I did that before bed so I was up late after midnight.

I got up Saturday morning and started getting ready, loving the red nails by the way. I took my time as I really do have all day, so it was about 10am when I was already. I did a full dramatic eye look today. I don’t really have any plans for today other then to watch the movie Star Wars IX The Rise of Skywalker, I had to stop at Walmart last night and pick up something for my Mom and found the movies is now out on DVD so I bought it, also if you didn’t notice in my picture I picked up a pair of earrings. They are cheap ones but cute, so I also put those on for the day and I love the feel of them. I went downstairs got a few pictures of course and started my movie. I am a big Star Wars fan although I think the first 3 were the best. The movie was about 2 ½ hours so it was about 12:30 when it was done and I decided to go to Taco Bell and get lunch, yes these are my big outings these days. Of course, I also got my usual pictures in the car trying to also show off my nails. Now as I said I am loving the earrings, they are a little heavy but don’t feel that way when I wear them but when I move my head I feel them move same goes when driving and I hit a bump in the road, it is a wonderful feeling.

I got home with my lunch and watched the TV show Charlies Angels from the 70’s as I ate lunch. After lunch I took a little break and pause the shows I was watching and went out on my deck for a little bit as the sun came out briefly and started this blog, it is nice to break it up as it is easier to remember everything that way. The sun was only out for about 20 minutes and when it went away it did get cool again, so I headed back inside to watch more TV, but I did get more pictures outside. I think natural light makes the pictures look better and for some reason I still think my best pictures are in my car. Now on the weekends you can watch old TV shows so after Charlies Angels I watch Emergency. My Mom also called a few times today, she is really having trouble with the isolation this shut down is causing and I almost feel that is worse for her then the risk of the Corona Virus. luckily when she calls it wasn’t raining so I sat on my deck and talked with her as the daughter she doesn’t know about.

It was about 6 when ii got hungry and decided to go for dinner. I once again went to Panda Express mainly as I get to get out of the car and walk up and order. So much better then just going through a drive through. Now there was someone new taking orders at the door, but he treated me like anyone else and actually with the fact it was lightly raining they were not busy, I was the only one there. I ordered and as I walked around to the other door another lady was walking up to order. I took a quick picture and then my food was ready. I wonder how many of these places will survive the shut down and still be around a year from now. It was back home to eat and as it is raining, I will be eating indoor tonight. Yes, my weekends are boring and pretty much the same every week but with the state locked down there is not much choice and being Susan helps.

After dinner it was tine to catch up on my e-mails and do a little work on my computer, it still amazes me that I can do some work as Susan from my computer. At 7 it was time to watch a little more TV as there is 2 hours of the Six Million Dollar man followed by 2 hours of the Bionic Woman. It may sound silly, but I grew up watching these TV shows and they bring back good memories which we all need these days. I watched for a couple hours and then took a break and finished this blog so I could post it. I do like seeing my pretty nails when I am typing on the keyboard. It has been a good day and I get another tomorrow. Now I know some of you probably don’t understand why I do this and maybe I don’t either other then I enjoy it and it makes me feel right. I really do need to have both a male and female side of me in my life. I will be up late again tonight, but I can sleep in, in the morning. I will get up around 8 and get ready for another day as Susan.

Stay safe, happy, and positive while we get through this tough time as it will get better. Thanks for reading and be sure to read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

Now I was getting ready to post this and noticed some things on Facebook from the Red Dress party, it should have been tonight but was canceled do to what is going on. They were encouraging people to wear red dresses tonight and post pictures. I wish I had seen earlier as I could have done that.

May 16, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Wednesday night online get together on Zoom

It is Wednesday and that means getting together with my friends online to chat although it will be a little different tonight. I had scheduled this meeting last Wednesday after that nights meeting but on Friday I found out I have a work-related Zoom meeting tonight also at 7 so I need to be to places at once. Susan really didn’t want to give up her meeting plus she was running it and my male self also had to also be there. What to do? I have thought a lot about it the last few day. well last night I dug out my old laptop and set it up and it still works but a little slow. My plan was to do both. Now I would be Susan so I would have to make sure the web cam for my work meeting was off and just to be safe I taped over the web cam also.

I got home early and started getting ready for my busy night. I took my time doing my makeup to look good and did a bright red lipstick for tonight. I was all ready by 6 and went downstairs to get a few pictures and get my computers ready. I had both set up and just waited for 7 as I watched TV. Now I will have to be careful to mute one computer while on the other. It will be a really challenging time. Finally, it was 7 pm and I logged on for the meeting with my friends first and got it going. There were a few girls already waiting. I got it going and explained my situation and that I would join them as soon as my other meeting was over. Now with it going I moved my computer back a few feet but I could still watch it and got my other computer going and logged onto my work meeting and there were about half on this one that didn’t have video so I felt better.

Now I had to watch both as I had to admit people to the meeting I was hosting for my friends and to tell the truth I was more interested in that meeting then my work one. I kept wishing the work one would go quicker and get over. Now a couple times I had to mute one to go on the other being very careful I had it right. Well we got to the 40 minute mark and Jennifer started a new meeting which I joined in but still could just watch as my work meeting was still going, I was having a hard time focusing on my work meeting as I really wanted to get to my meeting with my friends. My work meeting lasted a little over an hour and finally it ended, and I could join my friends for a while.

We still had 10 minutes left on Jennifer’s meeting when I got to join in, but I set up another meeting for when we run out of time on that one. Now I tried to keep track of everyone, and I think we had 12 of us tonight. We had Jennifer, Julie, Cassandra, Jan, Lynn, Christie, Jeanie, Melissa, Tina, Nicole, Dawnie and myself of course. Now Jennifer likes to ask some very mindful questions and I missed some of them but the one I liked tonight was how we decide how we dress and do our makeup. Now for me I will admit I do like the glam look, full makeup, dresses, and heels. That being said I realize I can’t always do that. When I go out on Saturday nights to the Escape, I do a full makeup, dress, and heels. I probably stand out a lot more here, but I am okay with that. Now for Wednesday night dinners I do wear nice dresses or skirts and lower heels, but the dresses are classier I guess and a little lighter on my makeup. When I go out shopping or to Starbucks, I really try to match what other woman would wear including toning down my makeup a little. I can’t really go to lite on my makeup though as my skin needs a lot of help to look feminine in any way. Bottom line is I do like to dress up and play with makeup.

Jennifer’s meeting ended and I started my second one and most girls joined that one and we kept going. We had another 40 minutes. Cassandra brought up a good idea as she has some woman that get together in the parking lot she works. There is a group and they back in to form a circle and put a table in the middle and all put food on it and then they sit in their cars with the tops down and talk. It was in interesting idea but most of us don’t have cars with tops that come down, but I think we could make it work maybe. Will have to see. We also talked about when we all thought restaurants would open and it was a wide range, I am thinking 4 to 8 weeks, but some felt it would be months. I really think with caution and limiting how many they let in and spacing the tables more, maybe putting curtains between or with summer coming having outside tables I really think we can do this safely in 4 to 8 weeks. Only time will tell though. As we got close to our 3rd 40-minute meeting ending we talked about if we wanted to go on, but it was 9 and most were ready to call it a night, so our night came to an end.

It was sad to see it come to an end as I missed the first half of it with work. Now it was time to clean away Susan and go to bed. Now I am looking forward to the weekend and spending it as Susan. 2 full days as Susan, it is supposed to rain so will probably be spent inside. Will try to make the best of staying home.

Stay safe and stay happy, thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

May 16, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Sunday and some double Susan time

Sunday and some more Susan time but first I would like to wish all Mother’s a happy Mother’s Day, yes today is Mother’s Day. I got up today about 7:30 to start my day, now last night I tried sleeping with my hoop earrings in and to my surprise it really wasn’t bad although I don’t think it is probably something I will do in the future. I started getting ready to start my day and took my time getting ready as I really wanted to do a good nob on my makeup. It took me about 2 hours, and I was ready for my day looking as pretty is I could. Of course, I had to get some pictures for the day.

It was about 9:30 so I called my Mom to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day since I can be with her today because of the shutdown. Now she knows nothing about Susan although I have talked to her many times while dressed but today seemed special, I was her daughter she doesn’t know about talking with her. I don’t know why that thought popped in my head, but it made it special somehow. We talked for over an hour as she really is having a hard time not being able to have visitors, the shutdown is having some negative effects on people. It was a great start to the day. After we got done talking, I made some breakfast and chose to eat out on my deck as it I another nice day and will once again be in the upper 80’s. Now I got a few more pictures outside and as I looked at the pictures, I noticed how this hair shows off my earrings, I am really liking having pierced ears and all the styles I will be able to wear, I really wish I had pierced them years ago.

I went inside to watch a little TV as I taped the TV show Buck Rodgers last night as it comes on at 11pm and I wanted to go to bed. It is fun to spend the weekend living as Susan and trying different looks. Today I tried to make my foundation look a little lighter by putting just a little moisturizer mixed in with it to shall we say thin it out and I think it looked pretty well, as I said I love to play with makeup. It was a little after 12 and I made a sandwich for lunch. Now if you read the title of my blog, I will explain what I meant by double time.

It was about 12:30 and my Mom called and told me the care giver had told her I could come over at 1:30 and spend some time with her outside if we stayed 6 feet apart and as I have not been able to see her for 2 months and it is Mother’s day that was great news so I told her I would see her then. Of course, that means ending my Susan time at least for a little while, it also means I had to rush as there was a lot to do. I had 1 hour and first I had to remove the red nail polish I put on Friday night, wash off all traces of my makeup and again I did a dramatic look on my eyes, and last make sure to get the smell of my perfume off. Yes, even just spending the day at home I am not complete without perfume. The problem with perfume is once I have it on, I really can’t smell it anymore. I can’t tell you how many times I have had people compliment me on my perfume even though I can’t smell it. Something that always worries me but usually it is the next day and I figure it has faded, today I only put it on a couple hours ago. I also had to remove my hoop earrings and I would get to try the clear posts I bout to hide my pierced ears and they do a really good job by the way as you really have to look close to see them in my ears. I got over to my moms right at 1:30 and she was outside waiting for me. I got to spend a couple hours with her just talking which was nice and I think it really helped her. It was about 4:30 when I got back home and decided to spend the rest of the day as Susan and started getting ready again, so my day was split but that was what I had hoped for any. I quickly redid my makeup, I went with a bright red lipstick and toned down my eye makeup, got dressed and then went downstairs and got a few more pictures.

I baked some chicken and made some corn for dinner and sat out on my deck to eat as it was still nice out. After I ate it was still nice out, so I brought my computer out on the deck and started writing this blog. Now a little side note as the neighbors behind me had set up an outdoor movie screen, they had put up some I guess towels on the wire fencing at the end of their deck by my yard and a screen out in their yard and last night they were watching the movie Avatar when I went to bed. I could clearly see it from my deck last night, it was kind of like being at a drive in. any way while the husband was in the yard taking down the screen she was on the deck removing the towels and that part of the deck is right by the fence so as I was writing this blog I happened to look up and see her and as she was taking them down she looked over at me. Now I can only imagine if I could see her whole head, she could also probably see my head. She just nodded and smiled, and I smiled back and went back to my blog. It only took her a few moments to take them down and then she disappeared. I looked over again and I could see movement between the boards on the fence as they were both sitting on their deck enjoying the evening just like I am. I sat out on my deck till a little after 8 before going back inside to watch a little TV before going to bed as I go back to work tomorrow and my boring male life. Now don’t take it wrong as I am not thinking about transitioning it is just male clothes are so boring compared to woman’s clothes, jewelry and makeup. I will stay up till about 10 before changing back to my male life.

It has been a good weekend and now I am looking forward to Wednesday night as I will schedule another Zoom meeting for the group so we can all talk and see each other.

Stay safe and happy and thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

May 10, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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