Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Friday at Embers and then another club 1-29-2010

Well it was another Friday night out for Susan. I got to Embers about 7:30. Peggy, Teresa, Cassandra and Lisa were already there along with Wilma. We had two tables up front. It is always nice to get there early and be able to talk before the show starts. Shannon showed up and as Saturday is her birthday we all wished her a Happy Birthday. Peggy told Jersey it was her birthday so we could get her on stage later. Soon other t-girls started to show up and soon some of them were up by the pool table playing pool.

Alice showed up a little before 10 which was nice as I haven’t seen her for a few months. We had a chance to talk some between songs and get caught up. She was one of the first t-girls I met and really helped me start coming out more. She will walk up and start talking to anyone just like Cassandra, something I wish I was better at. I am getting better at it though.

When it was time for birthdays Jersey came down and got Shannon and took her up on stage. It was so fun to watch her up there. They had her sit and we all came up and put money on her and then Vivica gave her a lap dance. We all took lots of pictures and it was nice this week to be on the other end of the lap dance this week.

We stayed till the show was over. Most of the time our group was the majority of the people there watching the show and by the end we were pretty much the only ones there. We were talking about it and how hard it must be to be up there dancing and performing and have so few people in the crowd watching.

After the show Jersey invited us to go to a club around the corner where all the drag queens go after the show for a drink. Peggy and Teresa went there on Wednesday night but it was the first time for me. It is always fun to go someplace new. When we left Shavon (one of the Drag Queens) was sitting outside. She was waiting for one of the other drag queens as she needed a ride home. She is so awesome and only 19 so she can only be on the stage and not in the club so I have never been able to talk to her. Peggy and I sat with her while she waited and we talked. She is so nice and such a good performer and it was nice to talk to her for a while. Finally she left and Peggy and I walked down the street to the next corner where the club was. Most of the drag queens were there most in boy mode but a few still in drag. We got some food and spent about 45 minutes talking with them; they are so nice and made us feel welcome. We stayed till they closed at 2:30. It was such a fun night but we stayed out way to late.

January 30, 2010 Posted by | CD, crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, T-girl | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Manicure and time at Starbuck’s 1-27-2010

Well it’s Wednesday night and I made it out again. I made an appointment to get a manicure tonight at Nails by Lilly at 6 pm so I had to leave a little earlier than normal. This is always a challenge as it was still light out when I left home and some of my neighbors were outside. I tried to time it when they were not looking towards my house and off I went. Don’t know if they saw anything suspicious or not but I was out and on my way. I got to the nail salon just before 6 and went in. there were three other woman in there getting their nails done so I had to wait about 10 minutes. The lady who did my nails has done them before so we chatted a little while she did them. It is so relaxing to get a manicure. Tonight I chose the color “an affair in red square” from OPI. It is a medium red with just a little bit of sparkle in it. A really nice color that may be what I have when I get my acrylics for Diva Las Vegas. I hope to go two more times for manicures before then and try different colors so I pick the perfect one for the trip. I left with my beautiful nails and headed down to Starbuck’s.

 I got to Starbucks right at 7 pm my usual time. There was no one there when I went in which is a first of all the times I have been here. Both ladies that worked here greeted me with a hello and a smile. They are both so nice and friendly. Before I could even get to the counter to order the one was already making my drink. Wow I feel so special. I had my money out and the one said it was on them tonight as I am always so nice and pleasant, wow what a compliment. I am sitting here on my computer and they are getting busy now about 15 people here. There is a group of 9 women that have pulled several tables together. It looks like they are having a girl’s night out. They are at the tables next to mine so I can kind of listen in on what they are talking about not that I am trying to listen it’s just our close proximity. It is really fun to sit here and people watch while I am on my computer. Everyone is so involved in their own little world when they are here it truly is a great place for Susan to come to.

 The more I am out the more I am looking forward to Diva Las Vegas and the week I will spend totally as Susan it will be an experience of a life time. 11 days totally as Susan. I know my friends who are also going are excited and looking forward to it to so I know we will all have a wonderful time. I plan on taking so many pictures, one of the fun things of being Susan, she is a camera freak. Susan sees a camera and the smile just comes over my face. It is so strange as my male side is so camera shy and has spent his life avoiding the camera. I guess I really am two different people. I plan on putting some on my web page and flickr page but all will go on my Windows live profile. I really haven’t used this one much but the other day I was on it and they now give you 25 gigs for pictures for free where flickr only lets you have 200 if you want more you have to pay. This will be a great [place for me to store my pictures in case the unthinkable happens (computer crash). Well I guess that is all for tonight.

Well just one more thing. Went up to get another drink and again they gave it to me free, very unexpected. I will have to give them a good tip tonight. I stood there and we chatted while they made my drink. The one asked my name so I told them Susan and they both introduced themselves Katie and Shavonie (hope I spelled it right) they are both so nice. And now I should be able to remember their names.

January 27, 2010 Posted by | crossdress, nail salon, Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Susan’s big night out

Well Friday night I went out to meet my friends at Embers again. I was so looking forward to it all week long.  I got there about 7:30 and Peggy, Cassandra, Teresa, Lisa and Samantha were already there. Cassandra had a new wig (same style but a darker color). As the lighting inside is dim I am not sure exactly what the color is but I think it is more of a reddish blonde. It looked good on her but did make her look a little different. On the table was a box of cupcakes that Peggy brought and on toothpicks stuck in each one was my picture. It was so sweet of Peggy to do that for me and really made my day. I am really lucky to have such a wonderful bunch of friends.

Soon more of our group started to show up, Bev, Maya, Shannon, Danielle, Kathy, Mandy, Victoria, Petra and several more. Friday night truly is a great night to go out because so many T-girls are going out on that night; it is so much fun to know that there will always be friends out for you to spend time with. I remember the first few time I went out, one of the hardest things was not knowing if you would be alone or the only T-girl there.  You might get all dressed up pretty as you can and go down there (maybe have to pay to get in if you got there late) and then find that you are the only T–girl there. It was really intimidating. Now with the group we all post when and where we will be out and you know you will always have a friend (or 20) there to keep you company. It is more than a group of friends, we are almost like family. We really owe Cassandra a big thanks for starting this group and making it grow. I hope she knows how much it means to each of us. Wow got off track there.

Well anyway the show started and as always it was really good. It was finally time, and Jersey invited me and 4 others up on stage. Now a few months ago you could never have gotten me up there even if I had been drinking but I went right up. Jersey introduced us to the crowd and asked us some questions. I was a little nervous but also having fun. I was in the spotlight if even for just a little while with all eyes on me. I guess I have really become for confident in my being Susan. Next came the really embarrassing part. We all sat down and the crowd was invited up to decorate us with money for a lap dance. If you have ever been to Embers you have seen this and know what I am talking about, if not you should go check Embers out for yourselves. Anyway all my friends came up and put dollars all over me and soon all of us had dollar bills all over us. Then Vivica Valentines (one of the Drag Queens) came out and gave us all a lap dance removing the money with her mouth only. It was really embarrassing but fun at the same time. Now all my friends were taking pictures the whole time and even a video. Although these pictures are a little more embarrassing (risqué) than Susan is willing to post so sorry no pictures from Friday night as I want to keep my picture files G rated.

The show was good and went longer than normal I think they went almost till 2 as the crowd seemed to stay late. I think by the time we left it was about 2:30 as it was almost 3 by the time I got home but it was so much fun. Oh I also turned in my entry for the Miss Portland T-girl (this is the first one) contest. It is the last Friday in April and should be so much fun. I am not sure what I will do for talent but I have some time to think about it. If there are any T-girls in the Portland metro area and you have ever thought about being in a pageant or being on stag in the spotlight this is your chance. They have entry forms at Embers or if you want you can contact me and I will get one and scan it in and e-mail it to you. Any way it should be a lot of fun.

January 23, 2010 Posted by | CD, crossdresser, Gender | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Famous hands, see my acrylic nails on a beauty blog

Well just a quick post tonight. A while back I was surfing the internet and did a search for acrylic nails and found a couple pictures of my hands when I had acrylic nails. One stood out as it was not from my web page so I clicked the link and wound up on a beauty blog. They had an article on acrylic nails and they used one of my pictures. They even gave me credit for the photo and if you click on it, it links back to my picture on my flickr page (I guess that is why this one picture of my acrylic nails have gotten so many hits. My hands are famous (Susan the hand model). I thought this was pretty cool.

What makes it even better is this is not a t-girl blog it is a mainstream beauty blog, not sure if they knew I was a t-girl before they used it or not but either way they did. You can check out their blog (and my picture) at


Pompeii Purple by OPI

January 21, 2010 Posted by | Acrylic nails, nail salon | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

People watching at Starbuck’s 1-20-2010

Well I made it out on my usual Wednesday night trip to Starbuck’s. The two women that work there are starting to know me as they remembered what I wanted to drink and both asked me how my night was going. I guess that moves me into the realm of being a regular which is kind of nice. Again they were not real busy when I got here maybe 10 other people two of which were young girls maybe 14 – 15 and for the first time sense I have been coming here I got some looks. They seemed more curious about me than anything else and looked over at me a few times to see what I was doing and then went back to their conversation and seemed to forgot about me. The rest of the people here paid me no attention even the guy I stood in line next to.

I find it so relaxing to be out in public as Susan, it is hard to explain. I come here to Starbucks and spend a couple hours on my computer doing things I could easily do at home but somehow it is more fun here. I can watch the other people around me and even sometimes listen in on what they are talking about at the tables next to me. Even though I am here by myself it is almost like I am not alone. You would also be amazed at how many people come here by themselves. Right now there is a man in the corner reading a book. The man at the table next to me looks like he is doing school work. There are the two young girls sitting talking and they have not even looked my way for a long time so I think the fascination of me has worn off and now I am just another customer. There is a couple behind me and 3 other people (2 men and 1 woman) at tables on their computers just like me. Other than that it has been the people who come in to get something to go and even they don’t pay any attention to me. It gives me a chance to catch up on my blog and e-mails. I hope my blog is not to boring as it tends to cover some of the same things but it is my way of recording my time as Susan so it is as much for me as everyone else.

Let see what else I can talk about tonight; I am starting to plan for my trip to Diva Las Vegas and am trying to figure out what types of clothes I should by. I have some nice dresses, skirts and tops but only a couple pairs of pants. I need to figure out a casual look for Susan for the trip I also need to get some shoes for walking as everything I have has heels and that might look a little odd especially when we go golfing. I defiantly need to do some shopping but am going to put it off for a little bit so I can try to drop a few pounds, boy I so sound like a woman. This trip is going to be so much fun.

Well the two young girls left and never even looked my way on their way out. Several more people have come in and it is the busiest they have been tonight but still nothing like last week.

January 20, 2010 Posted by | CD, Christmas, crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, Las Vegas, T-girl, transgender | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friday night at Embers with friends 1-15-2010

Well Susan made it out again even with all the rain we are having here in Portland. As a crossdresser I really don’t like the rain as it messes up my hair and makeup something my male side never has to worry about. I went downtown Portland to Embers to meet up with all my friends, Friday seems to be the big night when most of us can get out. As luck would have it I found a parking spot right across the street so it was a short quick dash across the street in the rain which was nice as a couple weeks ago I had to park 3 blocks away. When I got inside Teresa was the only one there from our group so I went and joined her and another woman (GG genetic woman). Teresa introduced us and it turns out it was Teresa’s ex wife, they are still really close and she excepts Teresa as she is, how cool is that.

Soon others started to show up, Lisa, Maya and Bev came in and our table was soon full. Teresa joked with a guy sitting by himself at the next table that we may have to join him as our table was full and we knew more from our group would be there. The guy smiled and went over to the bar and gave us his table which was so nice of him. Cassandra and Peggy were the next to arrive and we spread to two tables. Lea and her date (I think her name is Amanda I am really bad at names), Amy, Siobhan Cheri and a few others arrived and we spread to a third table and at this point I gave up trying to keep track of everyone (if I left you out sorry). I think we had 20 t-girls there again and it was so much fun.

Siobhan and I went up by the pool table and took some pictures. I think this is one of the most fun things that t-girls like to do. I have hardly any pictures of my male self but over a 1,000 of Susan, she is a camera hog and loves to have her picture taken. You can check them out some of my pictures on my flickr page. There is also a link to Siobhan flickr page in the description of the picture of us together. Peggy took this picture for us thanks Peggy.

By the time the show started Embers was really pretty busy, most of the tables were full. Jersey-Jo Amber Scities who hosts the Friday show does a really good job and the show is a lot of fun. If you are in the Portland area you should check it out. They have them Wednesday through Saturday night and all are good but I like the Friday show best, may only be because that is the night I can get out. Well during the show Jersey made an announcement that Embers was going to host the first Miss Portland T-girl contest on Friday April 30. I guess Peggy & Jersey have been working on this and now they have it all put together. It sounds like it would be a lot of fun I just don’t know what I could do for the talent part plus I have terrible stage fright, go figure a guy who likes to dress up as a woman and go out in public is afraid of being on stage in front of people. Even so it sound like so much fun I think I will have to try and compete. A big thanks for Jersey and Peggy for working out all the details and making this happen and to Embers for hosting it.

We also had a chance to talk about Diva Las Vegas and start finalizing plans. Seems right now we have 5 confirmed going and also three other couples (6 more) that want to go and are trying to work it outs so they can. This would be great as it would give us 11 from Portland in Las Vegas. This would be so much fun and give us all more real world experience. I think that is great to the Trans community as it gives us the chance to interact with people who may never have met a Trans person and may have no idea who we are or worse have a bad idea about us. I think the more we are out in public the better it will be for us in the future plus it is just so much fun. I am already thinking about getting my nails done and what color I should get (probably a red color which is my favorite). I really hope this is Diva Las Vegas biggest year with the most t-girls there. Last year attendance was down just a little with the economy but it also makes it very reasonable to go. If you are a Trans person, t-girl, crossdresser, TG, transgender or transsexual, however you term yourself or like to be called if you can go you should. Check out their web page for more information.

One last thing before I go, there is a lot of discussion on who we are (TG, transgender, t-girl, Transsexual, crossdresser and the like). My opinion (and only that nothing more) is this. A crossdresser is someone who likes to wear the clothing associated with the opposite sex. I am fine being called this as I do love to wear woman’s clothes. They may or may not dress completely up as I do it may be one item only. Now for the harder on transgender or TG this is someone who crosses gender lines, they like to dress up and present themselves as the opposite sex again I am fine with this term as I do dress up completely and present myself as a woman. Transsexual is someone who wants to be the opposite sex, either they feel they were born the wrong sex or just feel the need to be the opposite sex. Now for me this one does not apply as I have no desire to make any permanent changes (hormones or sex change surgery). Now I do not take offence if someone refers to me this way I just explain who I am and what the terms mean. The last term is T-girl and I think this one has the most confusion. It simply applies to the whole Trans community, it is an all encompassing umbrella that we all fall under weather you are just wearing one piece of clothing to having a sex change. It would be like taking Oregonian, Washingtonians & Californians all from different states but we are all American (T-Girls). We all bend the gender line from a little to a full change and I am fine with this term. But in the end I think too much is put on what we are called and not who we are. When I am out as Susan that is who I am, a person with likes and dislike, feelings and no different from anyone else so if you run into a t-girl, transgendered person, transsexual or crossdresser and are unsure how to address them here is what you do. Walk up and say “Hi my name is ____, what is your name? They will smile back and tell you their name and now instead of a term you have a name and possibly a new friend. I think you will find that we are all pretty much the same and with the exception of how we like to dress no different from your current family and friends, we may even be your family and friends. Wow I got a little off track and got carried away.

Thanks for reading my blog and feel free to leave a comment. Whether you agree with me or not I will allow all comments as long as they are respectful and not ex-rated as I want to keep my blog as clean as possible. I am not looking for everyone to agree with me but an exchange of thoughts and ideas as I think that is where change happens. I learn and see you point of view and in return you do the same and in the process we grow in understanding.

January 16, 2010 Posted by | CD, crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, Las Vegas, T-girl, transgender | , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Wenesday night out at Starbuck’s 1/13

Well it is my Wednesday night Susan time. I was looking at my nails and they need some work to get ready for my vacation to Diva Las Vegas. I got home and called to see if I could get a manicure tonight before going to Starbuck’s. I want to get my hands looking good so when I get my acrylics for the trip they will look perfect and I also want to try some different colors to see how I want to spend the week. Unfortunately they did not have an opening tonight and asked if I could make it tomorrow which I couldn’t. So I decided to try the other salon that I have used and evidently the economy got to them and they are now closed which may be why the other one was booked as they are only a couple blocks from each other. So a long story no manicure for Susan tonight. Will try again next week but will call a day or two before. I really do love getting my nails done and I don’t do it enough. I think I will try to get a manicure once a month.

Any way I am sitting in Starbucks and have finished my first drink and getting a second as it is a little chilly in here. They have gotten busier and the door keeps opening and letting cold air in. but it also give me a chance to watch all the people coming and going. When I got here there were only 6 people inside sitting now there are about 20. I really like to be out in the mainstream public I think that is why I am so looking forward to Diva Las Vegas. Would love to hear from anyone who has been there to find out how they liked it, also anyone planning on going. I would love to get know some of the people who will be there before I get there. Right now the group of t-girls here in Portland I belong to has 4 for sure going, 3 more who are planning on it and 2 who are trying to work out their schedules so they can go so looks like 9 from Portland. I am still hoping a few more will be able to go, it would be so fun with a big group.

The bad thing is I have been looking at my wardrobe and I need to do some shopping. I am good for going out a couple times a week but being Susan 24/7 for 10 day I need more clothes and shoes. I definitely need to go shopping which may end up being the most expensive part of this trip. That will also be fun as I plan on doing my shopping as Susan and added bonus.

This trip will be so much fun and the longest I have been Susan none stop. I will get my nails done with acrylic on Thursday night and from then on 10 days as Susan. I am not even taking any boy clothes just my feminine girly stuff. I can’t wait, it seems so far away but I know it will get here fast enough.

January 13, 2010 Posted by | Acrylic nails, CD, crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, Las Vegas, nail salon, T-girl, transgender | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Susan is going to Diva Las Vegas this year on vacation

Well Susan is planning her vacation for this year. I have wanted to go to Diva Las Vegas for a couple years now and it never worked out but this year I am going. The other night at Starbuck’s Peggy and I were talking and I told her about my plans and it seems her and Cassandra also wanted to go so Cassandra posted it to the group and it seems there is a lot of interest. Peggy, Cassandra, Teresa and I are now all going and it seems a few other girls are also making plans so we should have several from the t-girl group here in Portland going to Diva Las Vegas. If you do not know what it is you can check out their web page.

We have talked about it and are planning on going to Las Angeles first and going out there on Saturday night at what Cassandra has said is the best T-girl club in the country Oxwood and then on to Las Vegas for a fun filled week. We are also planning on swinging through Las Angeles on the way home for one last outing there at Oxwood. I am so looking forward to this trip. I will be Susan for the whole time as I plan on only taking my female clothes. I will be Susan from start to finish, driving as Susan, Checking into hotels as Susan, nothing but Susan for a whole week.

Oh and yes Susan will have her nails done with acrylics before she leaves even Cassandra is planning on getting her nails done too. A whole week with long acrylic nails. Not sure what color I will get them painted yet but thinking of red. This will be a week of being out in mainstream USA in one of the most fun exciting and busy places in the country and I am sure I will take lots of pictures. My last vacation to San Francisco where I was Susan for a few days was so fun but this one will be longer and so much more fun

I will need to do some shopping before the trip as I need some more casual clothes and shoes. This will also be fun as I will get to go shopping which means even more time as Susan. As much fun as this trip will be the best part is the fact I will be sharing it with my friends. We are all going to have so much fun it will truly be a week to remember. Right now I think we have 7 t-girls from Portland that are seriously thinking of going. It would be so great if we could get a big group of us all to go. I think last year they had about a 150 t-girls there what a vacation if we could get 20 or 30 all from Portland. If any of you t-girls out there are looking for a vacation idea, give it a thought. Spending time in Las Vegas in female mode what could be better.

Cassandra, Peggy and Teresa we are going to have so much fun!

Oh almost forgot, last night we all met up at Embers for are usual Friday night out. We had a great time and spent part of the night talking and making plans for our trip. I met a couple new t-girls, Kalie and Stephanie. The show was good and we all stayed till the show was over so it was a late night out again.

January 9, 2010 Posted by | Acrylic nails, CD, crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, Las Vegas, nail salon, T-girl, transgender | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Spending time as Susan at Starbuck’s

Wednesday night Susan made her trip to Starbuck’s for some computer time and being out and about. It is so nice to be out in the general public as Susan. Peggy came over and joined me which was really nice as it gave me someone to talk to and boy did we talk. She had brought some stuff to do and never even got to it and I hardly looked at my computer. It was so nice to just sit and enjoy some girl talk. We even talked about Diva Las Vegas and how I would like to go this year. I think it would be so much fun.

Now I usually go there from 7 to 8:30 but we were having so much fun we lost track of time till the one lady told us they closed at 9 and it was about 9:15, The two ladies who work there were really nice about it though. I think that is why I go to this Starbuck’s the most as they have always treated me well. Thanks Peggy for coming all the way over and spending time with me.

January 7, 2010 Posted by | CD, crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, T-girl, transgender | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Playing pool with friends

This week with New Years I could not get out on Friday night so I decided to go to Embers on Saturday night as a group of girls were meeting there to play pool. Now I am not really good at pool but I wanted to get out few a few hours. I got to Embers and had to park two blocks away on the other side of the park. Even though there was no parking Embers was not very busy. There were about 10 t-girls there already.

My first pool game I had such high hopes but on my second shot I scratched the 8 ball and lost. It was probably the fastest game in history. Like I said I am not very good at pool. I watched for awhile and then tried again and it was as if things just fell into place. I was hot and ended up winning 4 games in a row. But as I said all things come to an end and I lost the 5th game. I watched a few other games happy with how I had done. I decided to play another game and things went my way again. In the second game I still had 5 balls on the tables and Cassandra was down to the 8 ball and I ran the table sinking all 5 balls in a row and then the 8 ball to win. First time I have ever done that and again I ended up winning 4 games in a row. It was an awesome night for Susan to play pool.

There was some excitement outside Embers. Right in the intersection there was a car wreck and the car that ran the intersection than took off and left the scene. What an idiot. He only made it to the next intersection before his car died and there were so many police cars there so fast. From what I heard they had the guy on the ground and the street blocked off. Even when I left at 1:30 there were still police out there and the wreck was before midnight.

Well just before I left Cassandra and I played one last game as we had each won 4 in a row and each won two games from each other and needed to break the tie. Susan was having the best night of her life at pool and even though Cassandra is probably the best in the group we played our last game and Susan’s luck ran out. Cassandra won, I couldn’t sink a ball even if I used my hands. When it was all over I still had 6 of my 7 balls on the table. Win or lose it was a fun night as I was out with all my friends.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | CD, crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, T-girl, transgender | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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