Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Awesome Halloween Party 2012

Wow what an awesome night! It was are 4th annual Halloween Party that Cassandra and Peggy host every year and they really go all out. I think most of the group looks forward to this all year long as there are some girls that this is their only chance to go out. In have had my costume for a few weeks but up to now had not put the whole thing together so I gave myself extra time. I started getting ready at 3 with the hope of being all ready by 5:30. Actually the look went together really well and I was happy with how it turned out. I have never really done a Smokey eye look so this was my fist attempt and think it turned out well and I was ready to leave by 5.

I got to the party thinking I would be early and there were already. Now I know you all are wondering about my costume so here is a picture. This is probably the skimpiest costume I have ever worn but it was a lot of fun. What really made this costume work was I went bare foot so I was one of the shorter girls at the party. Now I thought I would be cold in this costume but I really was quite comfortable.

It was an awesome party and the decorations were incredible, Peggy really outdid herself. She started decorating the first of the month to get ready. She put so much time and energy into making this party perfect. I brought a vegetable tray and this year I got it beforehand instead of on the way as my costume was a little too well just didn’t want to stop and go shopping in a cold store dressed like this.

Well there was so much food and all of it was awesome. By about 6:30 people started to show up and the costumes were really good. Now Cassandra and Peggy had a dance floor set up and of course they also had Karaoke. Now I am not a dancer so that was out of the question but I was going to do Karaoke as I have done it the last two years even though I can’t sing.

It was so much fun to see all my friends and spend a fun night with them. There was even a new girl Ashley who made it to the party, it was her first time out. She had on this really cute devil outfit. She really looked good and very passable. I think this is what makes these parties as wonderful as for those who have never been out before it really is a safe and accepting place to go. Hopefully it will give her the self confidence to go out again.

I also got to meet a girl named Bobbie for the first time. I am not sure if she has gone out before but it was nice to talk with her and get to know her. I made some new friends which is always fun. As I said earlier I did sing a song badly for Karaoke and then a little later we did something called suicide Karaoke. This is where you draw a number and get a song to sing by random. Luckily I was 7 to sing and the songs before me were different. Some a lot harder to sing then others but all songs I was familiar with. My turn finally came and wouldn’t you know it I got a song I have never heard before, country western which is why. Boy did I suck at this song but it was fun. I also got to follow Cassandra which made it easier as she set the bar pretty low.

We took so many pictures; I think I uploaded 98 to our group page. It was such a fun night. We even voted on best costumes in 4 different categories. Actually they had so many prizes, costumes, dancing, and singing as I said Cassandra and Peggy go way over board for this party. It was so much fun and yes I did try to do a little belly dancing if you can call it that. Actually by the end of the night I was kind of getting the hang of it as long as I didn’t go longer than 10 seconds. It was a fun night and a fun costume.

I am not sure how many people were there but I would guess more then 50. A couple of us tried counting but it really is hard as people circulate around the house. Now I am going to include a couple more pictures. This is Kim and me, she crossdressed the other way for the party and had a great costume. This is not a great shot of me but it shows my eyes which I really worked hard on to get this look so I had to include it. Her costume was really good and really original. She had a trench coat and was actually a flasher. Now the horror of the night, I lost a finger nail, AI am not sure where or when but one popped off my pinky finger. This is the first time I have lost a finger nail without actually hitting it on something and knowing it. It was so funny as I was worried about it even though I knew no one would probably even notice.

The last picture is Teresa and me. Again not a great picture but I just love the way my eyes look in this picture. It was such a fun night and went by so fast. Soon it was after 1 am and time for this girl to head home, as always it takes a while to say good bye to everyone. Well when I got home around 2 am I took the time to upload all my pictures to the group while I got ready for bed and changed back to my male self. As I was getting my camera out of my purse I found my nail. It must have popped off when I was getting my camera out. It was just an awesome night and I have some wonderful pictures for memories.

I want to Thank Cassandra and Peggy for all they did for this party including opening their home to us. You two are truly awesome people.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy fun Halloween.

October 28, 2012 Posted by | halloween | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Friday night Pre Halloween party fun

Well it was Friday night and normally we don’t go out the night before our big Halloween party which by the way we had a little issue with so I will mention that. We have a couple former disgruntled members “Kristy” and “Jennifer the girl” who have nothing better to do with their lives then follow our group and try to live vicariously through the fun and friendships we have made. This makes them so sad there only joy is attacking us in comments online, well Jennifer the girl has hit bottom and called the OLCC about our annual Halloween bash to try and ruin it for the group and those that will only go out to a private place, how sad and pathetic her actions are. Well not to worry Cassandra and Peggy talked with the OLCC and after a couple minor changes we are in complete compliance with the OLCC and the party will go on. Now I know what you are all thinking how we can be sure it was Jennifer the girl that turned us in, well in case she didn’t know the complaint is a matter of public record and we asked. Here is the e-mail we got from the lady at the OLCC. I did black out George’s last name as I am affording him Privacy but everyone in the group knows his name.

“Our whole goal is compliance with liquor laws. Our website is a great way to get information or you can contact me or the district inspector for your area if you have other questions.
I did find out who reported the complaint, “George Otanic“. Do you know him? As long as you are obeying the law you should have no problem.”

~Jackie P., Inspector

Well enough of that the Karaoke group and bar staff were doing a crossdress theme tonight and even asked if that would be okay and not offend us. We were all okay with it and a few of us thought we should go just so they knew we were okay with it and not staying away because of it. Besides it gave me and a couple others a chance to wear a second costume this year even if it was an old one. Yes you guessed it I wore my Wonder Woman costume; just think she is so sexy and hot. We got there early and it was really slow till about 8 when people started showing up and wow was it a fun night. We had a really good turnout for our own group maybe 15 or more and 5 of us wore costumes. Jan & Lynn showed up, Cassandra had text the as the bar tender Levi and one of the Karaoke guys needed a wig for their costume, easy thing to overlook, so they brought a couple for them to wear. It was such a blast and yes I have pictures which will be included at end.

It was such an awesome night and I got so many compliments on my costume, I even won 1st place in there costume contest. The people here at this bar are just so awesome and they love having us there. It is great and we all look forward to going there. Well must run as I have things to do before getting ready for tonight. I want at least 2 hours to get ready as my costume must look perfect so just in case I need to redo or change some things. You know what I mean girls. It will be such a fun night and a big thanks for Cassandra and Peggy and what they do to make such a wonderful night out for so many t-girls and for some girls this may be their only chance to get out.

Have a safe and fun Halloween weekend.

This is Abigail and she was awesome at Karaoke

Susan, Levi & Jan

Our group with one of the Karaoke members in front

Well Abigail gave me a kiss so I had to return it.

Susan & Lorraine. She is awesome and so much fun.

Susan & Cassandra.

October 27, 2012 Posted by | Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Busy Wednesday for Susan

Well I had not planned on going out during the week as I will be out Friday and Saturday but things do come up and I found myself needing to be Susan on Wednesday. Our Attorney Bath wanted to meet with us about the complaint and the time that worked best was Wednesday afternoon. So this would mean being downtown Portland by 5:30. As luck would have it I was able to slide out of work early so I would not have to rush to get ready.

Well I was ready to leave by 4:30 as I wanted to allow time to get downtown with the rush hour traffic. Well you can make all the plans you want and it does not always work out. Actually there was no traffic so I was downtown and parked before 5. Just as I was getting out of my car Cassandra texted me she was there also no traffic. Anyway there is a bar just around the corner so we went and got a drink to talk before our appointment. Peggy also got there early and joined us. Now this was a new place none of us had ever been to before so it was a new experience.

We got to our attorney’s office right at 5:30 for the meeting. This is a new experience for me as I have never been involved in something like this. Now I have gotten several comments wondering why I would get involved in something like this since I have not told anyone about this side of me. Well that is a really good question and I have really put a lot of thought into this especially after my neighbors recognized me from TV, luckily they are the only ones that I know of so far and they seem okay with it. The only answer I can give is I feel this is really important and worth the risk even though it may end up outing me to everyone.

I have also got a lot of wonderful and supportive comments for what my friends and I are doing and we all thank you for that. It is so wonderful to think we are making a difference. No matter what happens as far as people finding out I am happy with my choice. I think what really did it for me was a line I remembered from a movie and it really wasn’t that big of a part in the movie, the movie was “The Princes Diary” and this is the line. “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.” I am actually looking forward to this as I think I will learn a lot.

Well it was about 7:20 when we left and some of us went over to Fox & Hound for dinner which was nice and gave us a chance to also talk amongst ourselves. We had a nice dinner and good conversation. It wasn’t long and the conversation turned to this weekend and the Halloween party. We are all excited about it and are really looking forward to seeing everyone’s costumes. I also convince a few of the girls we should dress up Friday when we go out so I am excited about that as I can wear one of my older costumes which I have actually only worn once. The bar we have been going to have a big group that goes there for Karaoke every Friday and they have been great to us. Well the group wanted to do a crossdress night this Friday for their group and here is the funny part. They had the owner and also the bar tender call and check with us to make sure we were okay with it as they did not want to offend us. It will be really fun that night there so it should be a great weekend and yes I have put new batteries in my camera so I should have some good pictures for my next several blogs.

I hope everyone is ready for Halloween and has a fun and safe weekend.

October 25, 2012 Posted by | Out and about as Susan | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Another fun night out with friends

Well again I had a chance to go out with my friends so this is always fun. I was ready and out the door on my way as I wanted to be a little early. This week Cassandra could not make it so I really wasn’t sure how many others would be out. I knew Chris would be there and Katie as she posted in the group but that was all so there was a chance it could be just us three. Plus it is the fall again and the weather today has been really rainy.

As I pulled into the parking lot I saw Chris going in which does mean I was early as he is always the first to arrive. I parked fairly close to the door and since it wasn’t raining I didn’t take my umbrella in hopes that it wouldn’t be raining when I left or at least not hard. Levi the bar tender was outside and he opened the door for me which was nice, actually he is really awesome and treats our whole group wonderful. Chris had already got us a table so I joined him. We ordered some drinks and waited to see who else would arrive. Well we really didn’t need to worry as it turns out we had a good turnout again. We had at least 17 Chris, Roxy, Cristine, Bobbie, Michelle, Julie, Amy, Katie, Carol, Silver, Victoria, Morgan, Liz, Joan, Guinn, & Barb, Maybe more. I hope I didn’t miss anyone. We actually took up two big tables and still had those who had to stand. It really is great to see a big group out again.

It was nice to talk with everyone and of course what is on everyone’s mind is the Halloween party coming up. Everyone is so excited and most have their costumes already. It made for good conversation over dinner. I really can’t wait to see all of the costumes. Well it was time to start playing pool and yes I got my chance. I played Bobbie and actually was way out in the lead. I made an awesome shot banking the 8 ball off 2 cushions and left it just an inch short of the pocket I called, unfortunately the cue ball went in the side pocket so I lost. This was okay as it gave me a chance to sit back down and talk. Lorraine also showed up and when she walked in you could see it was raining really hard through the door. Lorraine is really awesome, we met her at P-Club and she likes to come and hang out with us.

Well Lorraine and I played a game of pool and this time I won but it was a really close game. Well this was the start of my pool run as I won 4 more games in a row before I lost. I guess my pool playing is getting better. Even the last game I lost I was a head again but sunk the cue ball again while going for the 8 ball. It was a lot of fun. The bar was still pretty quiet till about 10 when people started showing up for Karaoke. Karaoke really seems to be a draw to get people in and it really is fun. I think I may give it a try. I will of course sing at the Halloween party.

Lorraine and Chris both sang several times and I had Chris sing a song he had never sang before and he did really good. It is just a good night out and wonderful to spend time with friends. Well as always the night went way to fast and soon it was 1:30 and time to head home. Luckily it had stopped raining so we didn’t get soaked on the way to our cars.

Well I am almost ready for the Halloween party, just need one more thing so I am thinking Susan needs to go shopping Sunday morning. Thanks for reading and have a great week and hope you are all ready for Halloween.

October 20, 2012 Posted by | Out and about as Susan | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Thursdays quick shopping trip and then to Starbuck’s

Well it has been a fun day today. I got off work early had some over time to make up for so it gave me a chance to get out a little early. Actually I needed some more foundation which means a trip to the MAC counter at Nordstrom’s. I was out of the house a little before 5 and got to deal with the rush hour traffic. Driving down the freeway as Susan is kind of interesting as you wonder if the people in the cars you go by can tell but in rush hours when you are just crawling along if someone figures it out you may be stuck next to them. The good thing is most people are too focused on the traffic to really pay attention to people in other cars.

I got to Lloyd center about 5:40 which with traffic was good. My first stop was the food court as I was hungry as I skipped eating to get out early. There was no problem standing in line and really no one paid attention to me as I think they were all focused on food. From here I went back to Nordstrom’s and to the MAC counter. I have always been treated well here and they are so helpful. I got my foundation and was on my way by 6:15. It was a pretty quick trip but still fun.

I got to Starbucks a little before 7 which really surprised me as traffic was better than on the way there. They were not that busy and the girls behind the counter asked how my day was going and of course knew what I wanted to drink, a cool lime refresher. The funny thing is I switched to this for the summer when it was hot and now with the weather getting cold it will be time for something hot again so I will probably confuse them for a bit.

Although they were not very busy I couldn’t get a table within reach of my power cord so tonight is all battery power so I will see how long my computer lasts, it should have enough power to make it till they close. Stefia stopped by for a few minutes in boy mode tonight. I have seen her a couple times that way. She won’t be able to make it to the Halloween party coming up which is sad. I am so looking forward to it though. It should be so much fun.

I have my costume already and from the sounds of it we should have a really good turnout. Funny a lot of t-girls are way more comfortable going to a private party at a home then out in public. I can remember back when I was so scared to go out for fear someone would say something or someone I knew would recognized me and yes these are still concerns for me but not that scary any more. Any way the last couple years this party has had around 80 people at it yes not all there at the same time as some come early and don’t stay that late and others come late but still it is always a good turnout and so many good costumes. It is always a good time to catch up with those you don’t see out. I must remember to get batteries for my camera before the party. I plan on taking a lot of pictures for the group. Always nice to try to get a picture of everyone that wants their picture taken. I am always careful of this and never post a picture of someone without asking first and that is something everyone in the group does. But I will for sure have a picture of my costume to post.

Well need to get some work done now before they close. Thanks for reading and have a great weekend and hope you all are ready for Halloween as it is almost here.

October 18, 2012 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Going to Harvey’s Comedy club Saturday night

Well it is Saturday night and our group is going to Harvey’s Comedy Club. Last I heard we had 21 of us going so should be a lot of fun. I got all dressed up and was out the door. Funny as I still looked out to see if my neighbors were out even though I know they now know about Susan, think it was just out of habit. I got downtown Portland at 7 and wow there was no parking so I had to park about 3 blocks away. Julie pulled in right next to me so we walked together to Fox & Hound. On the way at one of the intersections were two men and the one asked if he could take our picture so of course we had to stop as I hate to miss a photo opt. after he took the picture I asked if he wanted his picture taken with us and he did so his friend took another picture of the 3 of us. They thanked us and asked us where we were going and I told him Harvey’s Comedy club to which the one said oh you two performing there. yes they must have thought we were drag queens, I think most people just assume a guy in a dress is a performer. We both smiled and I just said no we were just out for a fun night and to see the show. They seemed fine with this and we were off again walking to Fox & Hound.

Wilma, Cassandra, Guinn, Brenna & Silver were already there and it was just 7. Well we put some tables together and waited for others to show up. A couple of the girls ordered food the rest of us just drinks as we wanted to eat at Harvey’s. it wasn’t long before others started to show up, Victoria, Michelle and Teresa. we had an enjoyable time just chatting amongst ourselves. I got a chance to talk to Teresa as she sat next to me which was nice as she does not get out as much as she use to.

Well about 8:15 we left and walked the 8 blocks to Harvey’s, yes I forgot and wore my 3″1/2 inch spike heels so I walked slower but then again most of the girls had heels so I wasn’t alone. We got there by 8:30 and since the ticket window doesn’t open till 8:45 we just went into the lounge to wait. Jan & her wife Lynn were already inside at the bar. Jenn showed up next turns out she got to Fox & Hound just a few minutes after we left so she had to walk by herself which is something I hate to see. Cristine, Bobbie, Sophia and her wife Lorna also showed up. Now I don’t know why I thought of it but tonight I remembered I had my Camera and since I haven’t been taking many pictures I figured this was a good chance. Well being blonde I never thought to check the batteries which I haven’t changed in a long time so I only got a few pictures before the batteries went dead but a few are better than none. The first one is Jenn, me and Michelle. Michelle’s yellow dress was really cute; I need to start getting some more color in my wardrobe as most of my stuff is black. When I first started dressing I always leaned to black as I felt colors didn’t look as good on me but as you can see from my dress I am starting to expand my colors. I actually love the dress I am wearing.

This is a picture of Me with Brenna; she has not joined the group yet but then again has only been in Portland a short time. She is just so much fun to be around as she has so much energy. I guess youth will do that for you. Michelle also showed up yes pour group has more than one Michelle. This Michelle just got all her paper work done so know she is legally female so she came out to celebrate with us. It has been a long time since I have seen her out but several months ago we chatted online on one of the nights I was at Starbucks. she is really happy about it so we all congratulated her. I think that is one of the greatest things about our group is that we are diverse as we have members from all areas of the transgender community.

Well my last picture is of Me with Victoria. she had on this really awesome little black dress. Well it was finally time to go into the show room for the show. We had already talked with the host to make sure we were seated in Kim’s section. Don’t get me wrong as all the staff here is awesome and treat us wonderful but Kim I think was our waitress the first night we went there and she is more like a friend. She knows most of us by name and even remembers what we want to drink and when you think we only go once a month that is pretty good. Plus she is always happy to see us.

We had really good seats which is hard to do with a group of 21. Kim came and took our orders; I of course got the chicken strips which are really good. Well it turns out Julie ordered 3 appetizer platters for the tables which was awesome of her.

The opening act was great and I wish I could remember his name as he really was good. The headliner was Mark Lundholm and he was awesome. If you get a chance to go see him you really should as he is really funny and he really interacts with the audience. It was a really fun night out with friends.

After the show both of the comedians came over and talked with us and told us how great it was for us to be there. next thing we knew they wanted a picture with our group so soon we found ourselves up on the stage with the Opening comedian so he could get a picture with us. Of all the nights for my batteries to go dead. Luckily Jenn had a camera with good batteries so there are pictures I just have to wait for her to post them. After this Mark Lundholm came up on stage to get a picture with us. It was an awesome night. Well we all walked back to Fox & Hound as a group and as it was after 12 I called it a night. We said our goodbyes and I walked to my car.

I will of course be out next Friday but the next big thing is the Halloween party on the 27th at Cassandra & Peggy’s home which I am really looking forward to. I have an awesome costume and it will be so much fun.

Thanks for reading

October 14, 2012 Posted by | Harvey's Comedy Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friday and the end of a long week.

Well Friday finally got here and the end to a long and exciting week for Susan. It has been a busy week not only for my male side but also for Susan as Susan will be out 4 nights in a row this week which really is a lot. I usually try to go out as Susan twice a week as I find this is good for me but things came up this week and Susan got more time just as there are weeks when Susan can’t get time to go out. Now I am not saying that one hast to limit their time when they are a crossdresser but this is what works for me. It is true Susan is a big part of whom I am but so is my male side and for me I think having a healthy mix of the two is very important.

Well I got home from work later than normal and my two neighbor families were out talking as my next door neighbors had just bought a new vehicle and they were looking at it so I went over and talked with them for a bit. After a bit the husband and kids went off and it was just me and the two neighbor ladies still talking when the one looked at me and said, we saw you on TV yesterday. I knew immediately what she was talking about and I am sure I looked like a deer caught in headlights and of course my first words were what. Now I knew what she said but needed that little pause to think what to say and the funny thing is I wasn’t trying to think of a way out or to convince them it wasn’t me but rather how to word it for them. She repeated the statement and I said yes that was me and that I was a crossdresser and liked to dress up. I also felt the need to explain that I wasn’t transitioning to female or planning surgeries and I was not gay even without them asking those questions. Not that being a transsexual or gay is wrong or I am somehow better it is just that, that is not who I am and not what is right for me, just like for me dressing a couple times a week is right and others may dress everyday or once or twice a year. We are all different in our own way.

There are good things about this and also bad but as I have said in previous blogs I knew it would happen at some point and all I can do is deal with it and move on. And really there are more benefits to this then not. The really only big issue is the fact once someone else knows your secret it is never truly a secret again as you never know if they have told others, you lose that control over it. On the plus side it gave me a chance to talk with them briefly at least about it and it will make it a lot easier for me to get out as Susan. Now I am not planning on just walking out my door to get the mail as Susan or work in my yard as this is still something I do for me plus I also don’t want everyone to know and would like to keep it as quiet as possible so I am hoping they will keep it to themselves. I also found out their husbands know so really 4 people have found out. Actually they are the first and only ones I know that met me first as my male self and now know about Susan. We talked a bit and they seemed supportive of me and the actions we took against the P-Club which was nice. Who knows we may even become closer neighbors because of they as they really are good neighbors but I always kept a distance because of this side of me. It will be interesting going forward now. Oh the other thing is they found my blog so have read a lot about me as Susan and of course have seen my many, many pictures. This probably explains why I had my biggest day for views on my blog.

This also has me concern that they recognized me from the TV and now am wondering who else saw me and knows. Now on the plus side the one neighbor had seen me drive away once for sure and I know they have seen a woman driving my car so I am hoping they were already wondering and maybe seeing me on TV put it together. No one at work has said anything yet and I am keeping my fingers crossed on that but then you never know as they may not say anything even if they do know but I hope they would just like my neighbors did that was we could talk about it.

Well it was getting late now and time for me to get ready to go out with my friends which is the other thing, even with the revelation to my neighbors and the fact they knew I still wanted to go out and never really thought any other way. Thinking back just a couple years I would have denied everything and probably swore off dressing. Well I got all ready and I must be getting good at becoming Susan as my mind was still going over the fact my neighbors new and not concentrating on getting ready and still did a good job and was out the door in a little over an hour. I got to sweethome a little after 7 and Chris was the only one from our group there so far but that was no surprise as today was the first real rain we have had in 3 months so traffic was horrible but luckily for me I go the opposite way the rush hour traffic goes to get here. About 7:30 Cassandra showed up and then others came. I told Cassandra and Chris about my neighbors and Cassandra was shocked, her words were with all the times she had been on TV over this and no one has said a thing to her and I am on for 10 seconds and my neighbors figured it out, wow. She actually is like me and wishes her neighbors would just come up and say we know about you so she could talk with them about it and not feel she has to hide. It is that funny feeling you want to tell others but you don’t.

Anyway we had an average turnout for our group about 12 including Bob and his girlfriend Tanya who I found out later is not his girlfriend but just friends. She is a GG that just likes hanging out with our group as we are so much fun. The Karaoke group as they are known started to show up. They come here every Friday night for Karaoke and tonight was there monthly theme night so they were all in costume, how fun is that. Being there theme night they had a really good turnout. They probably had 30 in there group so the place was packed and they had some really good costumes. Cassandra invited them to her Halloween party on the 27 which I already have my costume for but one of their group is already having a party that night which is too bad as they really are a fun group and have no problem with our group being there.

I did play pool and my first game was against Cassandra who is the best player in our group so if you can win against her it is a good night and that is what I did. It was a good close game but I made a couple really good shots at the end to win so my night was good. My next game was against Bobbie and this was my best game ever as I did something I have never done before, I sunk the 8 ball on the break winning the game in one shot. I actually won 5 games before losing on the 6 to Lorraine. She was on fire and I suddenly could sink a ball. Lorraine is a GG we met at P-club and liked hanging out with us so when we got asked to leave the P-club she quit going there and comes to Sweethome every once in a while.

It was a really fun night and several of our group sand Karaoke including Cassandra this week. It was a blast and our group mingled with the Karaoke group and we all had a blast. Actually we stayed there till 2 am and the funny thing is they were still busy at this time so looks like our group is not driving away business. It was a really fun night and a good way to end a long week.

Thanks for reading and I will keep you up to date on what happens with my neighbors.

October 13, 2012 Posted by | Almost Caught, Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Reflecting on the week at Starbucks.

Wow it has been an interesting couple days for Susan. I am out for the night at Starbucks and have a lot to write about. If your read my blog and I hope you do you know our group the Rose City T-Girls were asked not to come back to the P-Club back in June and 6 of us filed a complaint with BOLI in Oregon over this in early August based on gender discrimination as the sole reason we were asked not to come back was because we are transgender. Now these investigations usually take 6 months to a year to complete but we found out yesterday afternoon that BOLI had finished and after interviewing members of our group, current and past employees of the P-Club and some customers that came forward BOLI found that Chris Penner the owner of the P-Club had indeed discriminated against us based on Gender identity.

Now I was at work when text messages started flying in our group. Amy way I got a phone call and answered it thinking it might be from our Attorney’s office, well it wasn’t it was from Kaitlyn Bolduc from KPTV 12 the local fox station and she wanted to ask me some questions which was hard as I was at work she also wanted to interview me for TV. Now this sounded fun and scary at the same time but I agreed to meet her at Fox & Hound at 6:30. I then contacted Cassandra and told her so she could be there also if she wanted. She contacted the others in the complaint so we could all be there. Turns out KOIN news also contacted and wanted to interview us at 5:30 which there was no way I could make that, Cassandra, Cristine and Victoria did make it for that one though. Me I had to work to 5 so Susan was in speed mode and luckily this week I was working close to home. I got home about 5:10 and did the fastest transformation into Susan I have ever done. As I was walking out the door at 5:50, 40 minutes to go from my male self to Susan.

On the drive downtown I got caught in traffic which gave me time to think and start to worry. Not about being on TV but the fact I got ready so fast and now I was going to be interviewed on TV where everyone would see me, god I hope my makeup looks good. I got downtown Portland by 6:15 and Cassandra, Cristine, Chris, Victoria and Beth Allen our awesome attorney were already there since they had been there for the first interviews. We all talked about what this all means for the 6 of us, the group, and transgender people in general. Now that we have the finding that he discriminated against us hopefully other businesses we realize that you can’t discriminate against someone based on gender identity. This is what we wanted and with the news coverage the word is getting out so we are all happy.

Well right at 6:30 Kaitlyn Bolduc showed up with her camera man and we went outside to talk with her and be interviewed. Now mind you ever since I talked with her I had been thinking of the questions she would ask and how I would answer them as I was going to be all ready and come across really awesome on TV. I had good answers for every question I thought she might ask. We talked with her and she told us she would ask us each some questions and just to relaxed and answer how we felt which helped put me at ease. I was the first one she interviewed and I was ready for the questions. The camera was rolling and the first question she asked was please state your name you use and spell it. And a panic came over me as all I could think about was my god don’t give your male name. Susan miller came out of my mouth and then my fear turned to, oh god don’t misspell your name. Funny how when a camera is rolling on you the things you think about. My interview was probably a minute or less, she had 5 questions, the same for each of us and in the end my interview on TV was maybe 10 to 15 seconds. So that is my 15 seconds of fame. I had even practiced my feminine voice all the way down there and on camera although it wasn’t my normal voice it was closer to my male voice then the voice I had practiced.

Now I wonder if anyone will recognize me as I am sure people who know me in my male life had to have seen it. In that short time will they be able to recognize me. I have watched it on TV and several times on line (here is the link) and I must say I think it would be hard for someone to put it to together in that short of a clip as I really didn’t look that much like my male self which is good the other thing is wow the camera is not that flattering as the camera man zoomed in right on my face which really showed me not in such a feminine look. I need a little distance on film. Guess Susan being a movie star is out of the question. Although towards the end of the interview he did get a close up shot of my feet, wow I am glad I re did my toenail polish last week as my feet looked awesome.

After the interview we talked more with Kaitlyn Bolduc about the case and about Chris Penner. She had some information we had not heard yet and Beth Allen our awesome Attorney explained what happens now. Beth Allen is really awesome and if you live in the Portland area and need an Attorney I would highly recommend her.

Well after this was all over we went back inside Fox & Hound and had dinner and talked more about the complaint, most of us had not read it at this point as it all happened so fast which also made the interview a little hard as Kaitlyn asked questions about the finding that had not read yet. Well it was a little after 9 when we left Fox & Hound, most of the girls went over to CC Slaughters but I headed home as I had not even planned on being out plus to be honest I wanted to get home so I could watch the 10 o’clock news, after all I am blonde and didn’t think to set up to record the 10 o’clock news even though I was going downtown to be interviewed for it. My blonde moment.

Well after being out last night I was thinking of staying home tonight but Stefia contacted me to see if I would be at Starbucks and since she was going to meet me if I went out plus I needed to write my blog from last night and what girl would pass up a chance to go out here I am at Starbucks tonight. Stefia got here about 7:20 and we had a nice chat. It is funny how as Susan I love to sit around and talk and Stefia is nice to chat with. She caught me up on what she has been doing and also some of the people we both know. It was a fun time but as always good things must end and she had to leave a little after 8 so that gave me time to write my blog.

This week will be a busy week for Susan as I have already been out 2 days and will be out with my friends tomorrow night for are normal Friday night out as a group. This week we will be at Sweethome as the group seems to like this place and I think it is turning into our regular Friday night place which is good as it makes a lot of the girls feel more comfortable going out to a place that is familiar. And then of Course Saturday being the second Saturday of the month will be our monthly outing to Harvey’s Comedy Club. We already have 16 that have said they were going so we should have an awesome night as always. Any way I will of course blog about these nights also.

Thanks for reading.

Kaitlyn Bolduc

October 11, 2012 Posted by | Fox & Hound, Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Halloween costume

Well it is almost Halloween, 24 days away and of course this is a crossdressers favorite holiday. Actually I have a Halloween party to go to on Saturday October 27th so only 20 days away and as usual I am already excited. Cassandra and Peggy have been opening their home for the last few years to host a party for our group the Rose City T-Girls and it is always well attended. Between 60 and 90 show up and so myself and the group would like to thank them for this, you two are awesome. Any ways I have been thinking a lot about a costume the last week or two.

It is funny as for so many years Susan was my Halloween costume, not that she was any less important to me then now but it was a day I could dress up and go out and really no one cared as to them it was just a costume. Now that I have grown so much in who I am and how I view Susan and also because I can get out so much Susan has become more of a regular part of my life and now that means that at Halloween being Susan just won’t do. This means finding a female costume which can be hard as most really cute costumes are shall we say on the smaller side for me. It is funny as I put way more thought and effort into a costume for Susan then I ever did for my male self and also willing to spend more money on something that I will probably only wear once. Yes Susan does not like to wear the same costume twice, well maybe a few years down the road I can reuse my Wonder Woman costume

Well as I said I don’t have much time so this weekend I spent going around and looking for just that perfect costume for the party. I must have gone to 10 different places including places that rent costumes. It was actually fun as I did try on some well I tried to try some on as some there was just no way I was going to get into them as medium large I think is more like medium small. It was still a lot of fun.

Well I did find what I think is the perfect costume for Susan this year and it was actually on sale well kind of any way. When the lady wrong it up it rang up less than the tag. It was funny as she asked me I was buying it for someone else and I told her no it was for me. She then told me all sales are final and I just smiled and said I knew that and that was why I tried it on first. I think this caught her a little off guard as I said it like it was the most normal thing to do. She smiled and said I bet you will look great. I thanked her and left. I really think this makes such a big difference in how people see you and react to you.

Any way I have an awesome costume well almost, I needed one more thing which I ordered online so I am all set. I can’t say what the costume is as some of the members of the group read this and as always I want it to be a surprise. I will of course get pictures at the party and post them in future blogs so you will all get to see it. I hope everyone is ready for Halloween and has a fun safe night.

Thanks for reading

October 7, 2012 Posted by | halloween | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Friday night with friends

Well it is Friday night again and Susan can go out. After missing the last 3 Friday nights I was really looking forward to as fun night with all my friends. I have said it before but it is amazing how much a part of my life Susan has become and I am not talking about transitioning but the fact is Susan does account for a big part of who I am. I need to have Susan time on a regular basis. I guess in anything we do we find things we like and are important to us and then if we lose that or can’t do it then it has an effect on us and the same goes for being Susan, I need to be able to express my feminine side. I was e-mailed some questions by Erin Rook a local reporter for PQ Monthly who has wrote a couple stories about our group getting kicked out of the P-Club but in doing her story she realized she knew about the transgender community but not so much about crossdressers and of course I was only too happy to respond.

The question was what do I identify as and she (crossdresser, transgender, transsexual, t-girl, genderqueer, gay, lesbian, queer, etc.) now for me I have never really been big on titles but I gave it my best shot and in my mind you can fit into several categories. First I do think of myself as a crossdresser as I do not want to transition and live full time but it really is more than that to me as it is more to me than simply putting on female cloths. I like to dress completely and present as female. T-girl to me pretty much includes all transgender people so this also fits who I am. Now I am not gay and I will admit when I first started dressing this kind of bothered me that people would think that just because I dressed I would be gay but with time, experience I have come to understand why people think this and have also realized that since I am straight when I am out as Susan I am not interested in men but woman so I guess that would also make me a lesbian in a way as I do take on the female role in the way I act. Transgender is also one of those areas that can be hard to define. If you put gender on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being totally feminine and 10 totally masculine I think most people fall between 3 and 7 so I guess I would be the one right in the middle as I think I have a lot of characteristics of both genders and not really what I would call a dominate. That being said I can modify my actions so as male I suppress the feminine ones and as Susan well you guessed it I suppress the male ones which basically means that as Susan I would be more to the 3 range and as my male self more to the 7 range so really no one can tell. Now I am not sure this is a word but I almost think for me bi-gender would be a better term just because I do switch between genders in the way I act depending on how I present. Which leads to another question is how do you identify and I would say the same goes here, yes I am male and identify that way most of the time but as Susan I take on the feminine roll, I act and present as female and yes I even think that way so when I am Susan I do identify that way as female and that is how I think of myself. Any way I may be in her article in PQ monthly.

Well back to Friday night, I have been looking forward to this night all week so I got home from work around 5 and started to get ready, yes I love the time I spend getting ready as it relaxes me so I don’t mind how long it takes. A nice warm showed and shave and then time for my makeup. When I was satisfied with this it was time to dress and I chose my black dress and heels and was out the door by 6:45. I noticed that the sun has already set by this time and by 7 it is getting pretty dark out, now I really like the summer but yes it is way easier to get out after dark less chance of a neighbor seeing you. We were meeting at Sweethome bar & grill where we have gone several time, the owner actually invited us to come there after he heard about the P-club telling us not to come back. It was early and they weren’t very busy yet, Chris was the only one there from our group so far so we sat and talked for a while, I went ahead and ordered dinner because I was hungry. About 7:45 Cassandra showed up and it was just the 3 of us for a while and Cassandra wondered how many would be out tonight. Well it wasn’t long and others started to show up.

We had a good turnout, 17 that I counted and I am going to try to name them all. Me, Cassandra, Chris, Cristine, Bobbie, Victoria, Jan, Lynn, Lizzy, Michelle, Robin (in boy mode), Cassie, Joan, Jenn, Guinevere, and a couple new girls, Breena and I can’t remember the other, sorry as I am blonde. It was great to have such a big crowd out. I got a chance to talk to Cassandra about Diva Las Vegas as they have put the pictures from last year up. It is funny as we as a group do not take nearly the pictures we took just a year ago. Any way Cassandra told me that we have 4 of us planning on going next year to Diva Las Vegas, her and I along with Cristine and Guinevere.

Any way I did managed to talk with every one there this time probably the only reason this blonde could remember who was all there. It was great to spend time with them after missing so many weekends. Jenn and I had a chance to talk and things are still going well for her. She is transitioning but still not full time yet although she looks awesome and would have no trouble.

Also got to talk with the two new girl’s well they were out last Friday also when I was not. They were both really nice. Breena who is also really passable was awesome to talk with. She just moved here to Portland a couple weeks ago and again a blonde moment as I can’t remember from where she moved. I hope they both come out more and join our group.

Several of our group sang Karaoke including Victoria. I am not sure if this was her first time but was the first time I saw her sing and she was really good. Maybe one of these days I will try it. Well we talked about next weekend and going to Harvey’s Comedy club and I think we already have about 8 planning on going. We also talked about Halloween which is fast approaching and I still don’t have a costume. Funny just s few years ago Susan was my costume but now I need or want a feminine costume so yes that will be my weekend plans to go look at cute costumes for Halloween.

Now tonight I actually got hit on twice by 2 different men who as I said men I am not interested in but I will admit it does give one a self-confidence boost. Actually the first guy I didn’t even realize till lizzy pointed him out. He had had a lot to drink so he may not have been seeing to clear, but he was at a table and smiling at me and lifting up his beer can. Me being blonde just thought he was trying to get the bar tenders attention for another drink till I realized there was no one else around me or behind me. Now by no means am I an expert at picking up woman in a bar but holding up your drink this way is more of a way of saying get me a beer then wow I want to meat you. Any way I smiled back but kept on with my conversation with my friends as I was not interested. The second man was at the bar when I went to pay my bill. He had been sitting there looking towards me but again I really don’t pay attention to the men. He asked if I was leaving and why I hadn’t come over and had a drink with him, he even ask if I wanted a drink. Being late I just said I needed to go when he asked where my husband was. I just smiled and said I didn’t have a husband and actually I was looking for a wife. He accepted this and we chatted a bit while I paid my bill. Now I did look good last night but could they have actually thought I was female, a nice though but more than likely it was the amount of alcohol they had or maybe they just didn’t care. Either way it was flattering in an uneasy way.

Thanks for reading and have a great week

October 6, 2012 Posted by | Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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