Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Awesome Friday night and no we did not win the Lottery

Well it was the end of a long week for me so I was ready to spend some fun time with my friends. I really think having good friends will brighten anyone’s day and make you feel some awesome inside and trust me I have some really great friends. Cassandra sent out a group text to see if anyone wanted to go in on some lottery tickets for the big drawing tonight. We had to buy them by 7 pm so you either needed to be to the P-Club before 7 or text her back you wanted in and would pay her when you got there and of course I sent her a text. $5 for a chance at a share of 640 million was worth it to me. I also made every effort to be there before 7 and I guess the thought of winning money did it as I was at the p-club by 6:45. We had 11 people in the pool so I guess when we split it we would each only get $55 million but still a good shot. Cassandra bought the tickets and I also bought some of my own.

Well e did have a good turnout tonight and some of the girls got there early like me and we all talked about the money we would win which was fun, kind of like when you were little and would talk about all the great and fun things we would do when we grew up. Well in case you didn’t know we did not win so we are not all mega millionaires.

Well we had our normal group of girls plus a few more that come out every now and then so maybe 15 to 20 of use there. We are normally the biggest single group of people there but not tonight. About 8 pm a few people started to show up and put tables together for a birthday party and they kind of took over the place. I would guess they had 40 people in their group and all between 21 and 30 years old. They were having fun and really paid no attention to us so we went about having our good time.

We all ordered dinner and sat around and talked. I had a chance to talk with Cassandra about Diva Las Vegas and she is planning on going even though I can’t which is great as I know she will have a great time so Beverly if you are reading this yes Cassandra will be there and staying at the Imperial Palace. I am still sad I can’t go as it really is a fun time.

Later on about half of the group from the birthday party came up to play some pool and shuffle board. Cassandra being her awesome self just started talking with them, god I love that about her. I need to get better at that. Well it wasn’t long and we were all having a fun time together and they were totally at ease with us there. A couple of the guys challenge Cassandra at pool, yes Cassandra won and they were fine with that. The girls in the group all seemed to love us and thought we all looked great which we did by the way. Funny thing was there were probably 20 girls in their group and only one of them had on a dress the rest were in pants of some sort and only 2 of them had on heels as to our group everyone had on a dress or skirt and heels. I guess it just takes a real man to be really girlie.

Anyway I was talking to two of the girls and they brought up the heels. Seems they have never worn heels and figured they would break their legs if they did. I assured them they would be able to walk just fine and showed one of them the basics on walking in heels. Got to love YouTube as that is where I learned. So here we are me in my heels and her in her flats walking back and forth a few times. Now for the funny part the other girl borrowed her sister’s heels and asked me to show her. She really did look awkward but no more then I probably did the first time I wore heels. So we walked back and forth a couple times but that was it for her. Turns out her sister’s feet are one size smaller so her feet were done and she took them off but promised she would get a pair and bring them back for another lesson.

There were lots of pictures taken and of course the night was almost over when I realized none of the pictures were on my camera so I got it out really fast and got a few pictures. It is strange as that was always the big thing when I went out, had to have pictures now it is more about being out at Susan and spending time with friends and chatting with others.

Later on Darcy came over and we sat down together and talked for about 20 minutes or more which was really nice as it gave me a chance to learn more about her and her friends. She was really an awesome person and I am glad to have met her. It was a shame I was so much older than her as she was totally fine with our way of dressing but still I feel I made a new friend. Really hope her and her friends come back again.

Well it was almost 2 am when we finally left. Cassandra and I were the last two to walk out. We had both parked right in front on the street. Another GG came out of the club behind us and told us how awesome we looked. I think she said her name was Lalaunie (I guessed at the spelling) but we chatted for a minute. She told me I had perfect skin and looked flawless which made me feel great as it had been 8 hours since I put on my makeup. Now I will admit it was dark outside and rainy and she had been drinking but the compliment still stands. It was an awesome bight all around.

I won’t be out next Friday do to work but hopefully Saturday as Cassandra and Peggy our having a monthly get together at their home the first Saturday of the month and if the chance happens maybe once during the week but right now it looks as though Wednesday night might be the only chance I have. Any way thanks for reading and have a great week.

March 31, 2012 Posted by | P-Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wet and rainy night out at Starbuck’s

Well it has been another busy week for me. I almost didn’t make it out tonight as I am working 6 days a week for the next couple weeks which means not much time for Susan but the extra money will allow Susan to go shopping in the future which makes it worth it. It is a really a wet and rainy night so spending time here at Starbuck’s with a nice hot drink is perfect. I managed to get here a little earlier tonight which was nice as I could park right in front and had my choice of tables to sit at. Seems a lot of people thought the same as I did because it was only a few minutes after I got here that people started coming in and now most of the tables are full. The girls working tonight told me they are going to remodel this Starbucks starting next week and there will be nights they will close at 8 pm because of it. It could interfere with my nights out here. I will have to get more information on what nights.

Well as I said in my last post I will not be able to attend Diva Las Vegas this year which is sad as it is so much fun. I will miss seeing the girls I have met there and kept in touch with by Facebook. I will have to look forward to next year and also reading about this year from the other girls and seeing the pictures. If you are thinking about going sign up now as those signed up by March 31 will have the first chance to sign up for event’s. Most don’t fill up but a few do so the sooner you register the better. Last count I think they had 171 registered. This could be their biggest year yet.

Being crowded here at Starbucks is both good and bad. It is nice to have a lot of people here to interact with and really no one even pays attention to me here so I guess I pass as far as they treat me as just one of the crowd. The bad part is the more people the louder it is as people have to talk to be heard so it can get a little loud at times.

I was just thinking the other day and wondered how we come to decide what is male and female dress? I mean after all, take long nails, both men and woman have finger nails so why is it that woman can grow them long and paint them pretty colors and men can’t. It seems so unfair that just because of the sex you were born to dictates what you can and can’t wear. It is funny as I was reading a friends blog, crossacting and it seems she was watching TV and noticed that in the animal kingdom it is usually the male of the species that is colorful. Makes one wonder why we as humans are the opposite.

Well it is still busy here but having a good time writing my blog and catching up on e-mails and friends on Facebook. WordPress where I have my blog now shows you the countries that people who visit your blog live on a daily basis which is pretty cool. Now I noticed that about 60% of the people who stop by my blog live in the United States and the rest come from all over the world. It is amazing to think that with all the differences we have between countries and governments that we have sisters that crossdress everywhere. I have a couple friends, well we have never met but I read their blogs, Facebook pages and see their picture so I feel I know them and count them as friends from overseas. We share a lot of the same feelings about crossdressing even though we all have our own reason for who we are. It would be cool to meet them sometime and just sit and talk with them. It is amazing how the internet has brought the whole world together. We can now make friends with people from other states, countries with just a few clicks of the mouse. I wish that when I was younger there had been the internet as I would have been going out much earlier. It is an awesome way to meet people who share your interests.

Well tomorrow night the group I belong to will once again be out at the P-Club. It really is such a fun night out, yes we go to the same place every week but then for me the whole point is to be out with my friends. The place does not matter although the p-club is fun and the staff and other customers are awesome and treat us great. It is strange how we grow, when I first started going out I was scared to death and I think that fear and excitement was what was kept me going. Over time the fear went well almost away and the excitement also went way down and that is okay as now I am comfortable with who I am and now it is all about just being Susan and being ladylike and out with other people. I really think the more we get out the more common it will be and in time it will be no big thing to see a crossdresser.

March 29, 2012 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friday evening with my friends.

Well it has been another long and busy week so I was so looking forward to tonight and spending some quality time with my friends as Susan. It really is amazing how just getting ready as Susan reduces my stress. Someplace online I saw the statement that crossdressing is hard on you and complicates your life and I guess to a point it does but that being said there are so many good things about it that makes it all worthwhile. One of the hardest parts was learning how to do my makeup; GG’s (genetic girls) grow up from a young age and get lots of practice and help from their friends, sisters or mom. I on the other hand had to learn it all on my own as I have never told anyone. The most complicated part is keeping the two sides separate; it really is like living a double life. Like anything worthwhile though it is all worth it as I truly have the best of both worlds. Think of all the wonderful things we have today, it is all because someone put in the hard work to find them or create them. Just because something is hard does not mean it is not worth the effort.

Well it is official; I could not get time off this year for Diva Las Vegas so I will have to miss this year. It is sad but I am already looking forward to next year and making plans. I will miss seeing the wonderful ladies I have met there and of course the not being Susan for a whole week and no acrylic nails although I am sure I will find a chance to get them done at least once this year.

Well I got all ready to go out to the P-Club with my friends. Today was really nice and sunny and when it was time to leave it was still really light out and my new neighbor across the street was out washing his car. Now I have not met him yet so I had that going for me. I opened my garage door and as he turned his back to me I pulled out and onto the street just as he turned back. I know he did not get a good look but I am sure he saw what looked like a woman driving my car but as I said I don’t really know him so he will probably just thing she was my girlfriend or wife. With the nice weather and longer days now this will be more of an issue. It was nice having 3 vacant houses by me but not anymore as they are all full.

I got to the P-Club and found a spot in front and went in. Cassandra, Chris and Samantha were already there so I joined them. We talked for a bit and I broke the news to Cassandra I could not go to Diva Las Vegas this year, I hope she still goes. Well I was hungry so I went up and ordered some food from Nicole and wondered if she would say anything about me being there last night in male mode or had she even realized it. She gave no indication she knew I had been there so it was good. As a matter of fact I said hi to Cindy and also Paul who had also been there last night and no sign they knew either.

Veronica showed up next which was nice as it has been awhile since she has made it out on a Friday night because of work. It was nice to sit and talk with her; she even showed us a picture of the truck she is driving now. Several of the girls from our group are now driving truck which is good as they are working but it cuts into their time out with the group so any time they make it is wonderful.

We had a good turnout, maybe 15 to 20 girls from the group which is good as it hard for some girls to get out before it gets dark, yes Crossdressers tend to be more of a night people. I remember years ago I would never leave my house before 10 pm as it had to be dark and late so people weren’t likely to see me. It is a shame because I think we are more worried about what others think then they really are.

Olivia Brooke’s friend from last week and I guess my friend also now showed up with her friend Sarah, I knew she would be there and was kind of watching for them but never saw them come in but turned around and they were playing pool. Guess I am not very observant. Anyway I went over and talked to Olivia and met her friend who is also really nice. We talked for a bit and then I let them get back to their pool game. A little later I went back and talked to them, Sarah was wondering about some of us who had rings on our fingers, she said they looked like wedding rings. I explained some of the girls were married and others were just something they liked to wear. Now I do were a solitaire ring and yes it is on the second finger so it does look like a wedding or engagement ring. I have never really given it much thought why I wear it there other than that is the only finger it fits on. I also think it helps me feel more feminine it also I hope will keep men from approaching me but in the flip side it may be why woman also don’t approach me. I may have to think on this more.

There were two GG’s that walked by us and smiled. Now I did smile back and wave at them which was good for me as I am still working on being more outgoing. Cassandra on the other hand walked over to where they were sitting and just started talking to them, wow I need to really be more like this. Well I also went over and talked to them but it was really because Cassandra did it first. They were pretty awesome and thought it was great we were there and if this was what we like to do that was great.

Well it was getting late and Nicole was leaving for the night so I just had to know so I went and asked her if she had recognized me last night. She let out a big, “that was you, Cindy and I were trying to figure out who you were since you kept calling us by our names”. She said when I left and stopped right in front of her and said good night she was thinking I was one of as she put it her girls. So what I took away from this is if I had not called them by their names I think they would not have realized it was me.

Well it was time to leave and Olivia and her friend Sarah needed a ride home and since they only live about a mile away and pretty much right on my way home I offered to give them a ride. I would never let someone I know walk that far at 2AM in the morning, male or female just not safe. It was nice to have someone to chat with even for such a short distance. It was a fun night and I look forward to next Friday.

I should make it out to Starbuck’s this week either Tuesday or Thursday so I have that to look forward to also. Thanks for reading and have a great week.

March 24, 2012 Posted by | Out and about as Susan, P-Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A little different blog tonight

Well I have always wondered if people would recognize me but this can be a hard thing to figure out. There is always a risk every time I go out someone who knows me will see me and will they recognize me. For me whenever I look at myself that is what I see male or female I see me. What would others see? My hope is there is enough difference that if see out of the normal way people see me they would not figure it out but how does one find out?

I have asked a few people who know me as Susan but have also seen me as my male self and have heard the answer it would be hard but then again they know both sides of me and have seen both my male and female self so not really a random encounter. So what to do?

There really are just two options. First I could go someplace as Susan where people only know me as my male self and see if they recognize me. This would be a huge risk because if they did then my secret life would be out. The other option would be go someplace where only Susan goes as my male self and see if they recognize me which would be a little safer. So I have thought about going to the Starbucks as my male self just to see but have not been able to work up the courage.

Well tonight I had things I had to do and could not dress as Susan and go to Starbuck’s but as luck would have it I was going to be only a couple miles from the P-Club where I have gone almost every Friday nights for two years as Susan. This was my perfect chance to see what would happen and if they would recognize me in male mode. It was a little before 7 when I got here with my computer in hand and went in.

Cindy was working the bar and I did not see Nicole. I know Cindy as she works some of the Friday nights but Nicole would be the real test as she works almost every Friday. I went ahead and ordered some dinner from Cindy and there was no sign that she recognized me at all, even when she brought my food to the table. I picked a table close to the bar so I was not hiding in the corner. At 7 pm Nicole came in and started work.

Nicole walked by me a couple time and I said hi to her by name and she replied hi back but still didn’t show any sign she knew who I was. So far it was going well. Well I saw Nicole at the bar and went up and ordered another drink from her again calling her by name. She got me my drink and still no sign that she knew who I was. This made me feel good as maybe if I ran into someone they would not know who I was.

Now the big question is what now. As I leave do I tell her who I am? Do I just leave without saying anything? I could tell her I will see her tomorrow night and see if she figures it out. It really is an interesting question. Well whatever I do it has been an interesting hour here and a little strange as this has always been a place just for Susan. Well must be going now, thanks for reading my first blog about being out as my male self.

March 22, 2012 Posted by | P-Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Friday night with my friends 3-16-2012

Well it was Friday night and after missing the last two I was so ready to spend time with my friends. It is strange as going for a while without being Susan is hard but I really think what I missed most was spending time with my friends. It is amazing how much a part of my life they have come. I really think I have closer friends as Susan as I can be myself with them and yes Susan is a big part of who I am. Don’t get me wrong as my male self has some good friends but I have to hide such a big part of my life from them. In a way it would be so cool if everyone knew about all of me. I know I will never be able to just walk up to one of my friends and say, “hey guess what I like to do on Fridays, I dress up as a woman and go out”. The girls that can do that have way more guts than I do. But I really believe that I hope they will find out and I say this as I use to never leave the house before dark and if I did I would wear sunglasses and leave my wig and lipstick off till I got away from my home. Now I still look out the window before leaving but I leave all the time fully dressed while still light out so if any of my neighbors are outside or looking out their windows they are going to see me which leads me to my next question. If they have seen me would they come up and ask me about it or just keep quiet. I guess it is possible they already know and don’t know what to say to me either.

Well for Friday night I did get out a little earlier than normal and made it to the p-club by 7:15 and got the last parking spot on the street right in front of the door. Walking in Nicole was behind the bar and I said hi to her, she is such a nice person. Cassandra, Bobby, Chris and Robyn were already there so I joined them and my night began. It was truly relaxing to be out with them again. I ordered their Chicken basket for dinner and we sat there and ate and enjoyed a little girl talk. Cassandra asked me about Diva Las Vegas and I still can’t give an answer. My odds of being able to go have improved but still lots going on at work. I am still really hoping I can make it, I have not signed up yet but really must by April 1 so I guess that is the line in the sand for me.

Well by 8 others had shown up, Kristy, Kelly, Samantha, Maya & Victoria. A couple men that have played shuffle board with us before came over and wanted to know if we would like to play, Victoria and Cassandra were the two that played and of course they won the game. It is nice that some of the regulars will interact with us even to the point of approaching us first; it really makes us feel like we are part of the bigger group there. It was great to see Maya out again and had to get some pictures. A friend told me I needed to try a sexy pose rather than just standing there so I did and got a picture. Well it turns out I need a lot of practice at posing so instead of that picture here is a way cuter one of me and Maya.

Later on Jenn, Trisha and another girl showed up. They have a MTF support group at the Q-center on Friday nights and Jenn always stops in afterwards to spend time with the group. We all sat at a table for awhile and just talked. Jenn and I talked for awhile, she has come a long way since she first e-mailed me last fall. She is going out a lot more and has told most of her family about Jenn. It really is cool the friends we meet online, it is a shame that we did not have the internet and e-mail when I was younger as it really does make it easier to meet people.

Later on Brooke showed up on Brooke time, a little joke between those who know Brooke and Brooke. Now as a crossdresser I have never once said anything to a GG I was dating about how long it took her to get ready as I know firsthand it takes time but Brooke is the exception, it can take her 3 hours or more and a lot of it is trying on different things to wear. I even think most GG’s would think she was taking too long but what is important is she made it out. She had a GG friend of her which was going to meet her there, turns out she had been sitting at a table about 20 feet from us reading a book for about an hour waiting for Brooke to show up. Anyway Brooke introduced her to all of us, her name was Olivia. She seems really nice and totally okay with the transgender thing.

Later on we wanted to play shuffle board so Jenn & Kelly played Olivia and me at Shuffle board. It was a good game and Olivia and I took a big early lead but in the end Jenn had a couple good shots and in two turns got 17 points to win the game. Now I am not making excuses but Olivia and I did have the blue pucks so they didn’t match my red nail polish which was distracting for this poor blonde plus I had bumped one of my nails getting out of the car so it was loose. Very hard to play when you are worried about a loose nail coming off as that would be disastrous. The good news I made it the whole night without losing the nail, I am such a girl to worry over this. Towards the end of the bight I had a good chance to talk with Olivia, she is really nice. We had a good conversation and I found out about her boyfriend and past boyfriends and even shared some about my past girlfriends. It was like to girlfriends talking and sharing their feelings. I think that is one of the greatest things about Susan as my male side is not a big talker and does not like to share feelings or talk about relationships past or present. As Susan I am more able to open up.

It was a really fun night with only one bad point. One guy who likes to hang out with our group and play pool, (not part of our group thankfully as he can be very annoying) had a little too much to drink and had to be escorted out. The bad part is when the bouncer got him to the door he set his drink on the floor and the bouncer went back to get his umbrella the guy kicked the glass like he was kicking a foot ball and the drink and glass went everywhere and as such a small scuffle broke out between them. A couple of our girls got some of the drink on them and even one got hit in the back with some of the glass, no cuts though. But as such the bouncer called the police which he had to. Well as we were leaving Cassandra and I apologized for his action and it was so nice to hear them tell us it was not our fault, they knew he was not part of our group. Our group always acts well there and tries to be upstanding ladies when we are out. I guess there will be issues and this is the first since we have been going there which has been almost 2 years. Just glad it was not one of our members.

Well we actually stayed till 2 am which is the latest we have been out in a long time but also made me one tired girl as I got up for work this morning at 3:45. Bed will feel so good tonight.

Well I probably won’t make it out this week to Starbucks but will be out again next Friday. Have a great week and thanks for reading.

March 17, 2012 Posted by | P-Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Out again after two weeks.

Well it has been over two weeks of no Susan time and I was really ready to go out. It really is amazing when I think back just a few years and I was so glad to get out a few times a year and I was happy with theat. Now going a couple weeks seems like forever and so hard on this poor girl. Being Susan is such a part of my life now that it would be imposable for me to not be her. She is every bit as important as my male side. It really is funny how much she has grown, I have grown.

Well I got home from work and had to rush as Stefia, one of my friends e-mails me and said she could stop by Starbucks to chat between 6:30 and 7:15 I was pretty amazed as I stepped into the shower at 5:10 and was all ready and out the door as Susan by 6 which is really fast for this girl when you think of what all goes into creating Susan. The other drawback is it was still light outside so that is always a little worry but the more I go out I realize at some point one of my neighbors will see me. When that happens I will deal with it. It is funny as I have talked to a couple of my friends and we all have the same thoughts. It really would be easier if the neighbors knew we just can’t bring ourselves to say anything to them about it but all hope they will ask us about it. But that leads to another thought, they may already know and have the same feelings, they don’t want to bring it up and keep hoping I will say something.

Any way I got to Starbucks right at 6 and they were not really busy. The girl behind the counter knew what I wanted without me even having to ask so I guess that makes me a regular. I have seen her here before but they have more new girls working here and they seem to go through employees pretty regular so hard to learn their names. The one thing I have noticed is they are always females. In all the time I have been coming here I think I have only seen one male working here and maybe only twice. But no matter who is working I have always been treated wonderful here.

Stefia showed up about 6:45 and joined me. She has been out all day, lucky girl. She got her drink and a little snack as she had not eaten yet and then we sat and talked. It was so much fun to just share a little girl talk with her. There were probably 10 other people here and none of them paid any attention to us. We got on the topic of passing when we are out and we both seem to look at it then same. I know I will never fully pass, maybe if others don’t get a good look I might for a while but with my height it is very hard to pass but to me passing is if I can go out and be treated and accepted as a female even if they know I am not then to me I have passed. All the girls who work here treat me as a female and I think that is why I am so comfortable coming here week after week by myself. The key is to dress to blend in and to act like a proper lady I think. Stefia stayed till about 7:30 before she had to leave but we had a nice time and I am sure we will get together again.

Well I took some time and got caught up on my e-mails, seems going away for a week and not being online I had almost 200 e-mails. Most were postings from the group I belong to (Rose City T-0Girls) but I still took the time to read most of them, I did skip over the ones about going out while I was gone as I had missed them and really didn’t need to know where they were going and who was planning on attending. I always hate it when it takes me too long to reply. To be honest Susan is much better at replying to e-mails then my mails self. One of the little differences between the two sides of me.

I was really thinking about the differences between my two halves and it really is amazing. You would not think there would be any differences as we are after all the same person but there are. I think we tend to take on the roll of how we present ourselves which is a good thing. I think if one does not act the part they are presenting then you really are just a dud in a dress but I think if you try to act correctly people respond to it way better.

Well I am still waiting to hear about my vacation for Diva Las Vegas. I think my odds of getting the time off have improved but still only about a 60% chance of going this year. I had hoped to hear this week but now maybe next week. The one bad thing is if I can go this girl need to do some shopping of course I guess I could go shopping even if I can’t go. After all a girl can always use more clothes.

Well must get back to my e-mails. I will of course be out with my awesome friends tomorrow at the P-Club, I think I have missed spending time with them more then the dressing. Next week I will probably only be out on Friday but then I hope to get back to my normal twice a week so I should be back to updating my blog more again. Thanks for all who stop by and read it and leave comments.

March 15, 2012 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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