Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Friday 2-26 2010 at Embers

Well I made it out again for another Friday night. We all met up at Embers and we had our usual big crowd. Cassandra, Peggy and Amy were already there by the time I got there. Some of our group went up and played pool while the rest of us went down where we could talk and then watch the show. Maya, Bev, Lynn, Jan and Jamie soon showed up and we soon had two tables to accommodate us as our group kept growing. It was so nice to be able and talk and catch up on our girl talk. Peggy was updating us on the first annual Miss Portland T-girl contest. Seems we have 7 T-girls signed up now so it should be a lot of fun. I am not sure what I will do for the talent portion but I still have two months to come up with something. I am really looking forward to this as I have come so far over the last year in coming out and now I will get a chance to be on stage, something a year ago I would have said would never happen. We all owe a big thanks to Peggy and Jersey Scities for putting this together, they have put a lot of time into this and it will be great fun. Embers is hosting it on April 30n 2010 this year so if you can make it down for the pageant please come. The more people we can get the better chance we have of this becoming a regular event. This is a pageant for nonperformers (just your everyday T-girl) and will be great way for us all to get more comfortable out in public. Also come down and see the shows at Embers and help support them as they have been so great in making us feel welcome. Fridays are the best night I think; the show is great and Jersey Scities is the host.

Sabel Scities was also there, she was the host of the Friday show last year and she is really good. She was telling us that she is moving to New York in Early April and they are having a party for her before she leaves at Embers and wanted to make sure we all knew about it and could be there. She will be missed as her and Jersey really makes the shows great. But I am sure this will be a good move for her.

We talked some about Diva Las Vegas and it looks like it may only be 3 of us going now as one of the girls may have to drop out as she is not working right now. It will be so much fun but would have been just that much better with her. Cassandra, Peggy and I are for sure going and I know I am so looking forward to it. I got an update e-mail from them today and they have 164 registered for it already so it is already their second biggest year (2008 they had 176 attend) so with just under two months left I think they may surpass that number. If any of you T-girls are looking for a way to get out and have some fun please consider attending Diva Las Vegas. It will be so much fun to spend 10 days as Susan, I can’t wait.

Anyway the rest of the night we watched the show and it was really good. They had a really good crowd there which also made it more fun. The Drag Queens all do such a great job and they even had a few new songs they did. We didn’t stay as late this week and as we were leaving 5 or 6 police cars pulled into the parking lot across the street. We couldn’t really see what was going on and none of us really wanted to walk over and see.

February 27, 2010 Posted by | crossdresser, Las Vegas, T-girl | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Starbuck’s on a Tuesday night

Well it is Tuesday and Susan is out tonight. My schedule for the next few weeks will be a little messed up, working some evening shifts so I was not able to go out tomorrow for my normal Wednesday so not wanting to miss my Susan time this week I came out tonight. It is a little different because they are really slow here. When I got here there was only two people inside and even now only two more have come in and stayed. They still have a steady stream of people who get something to go but nowhere near what Wednesday nights. Katie and Shavonie the two girls I have gotten to know over the last few weeks are off tonight and there are two other women working here. Both were really pleasant when I came in and asked how my night was going. They treated me like any other customer which is what I am going for, just one of the girls out.

Cassandra came up with a new way of putting on fake nails sand told me about them on Friday night so I thought I would give it a try. I have not been doing the fake nails because of time and they would come off on me and I hate having all nice nails except one or two. So far I like the new way the nails seem to stay on better and I can even type with them. Way to go Cassandra, thanks for the tip. The idea is to use two sided tape (the kind you use for sticking up house addresses). It is really strong and holds them on really well. You can buy it at Home Depot for about $6 for a roll. Only takes a small piece so the roll should last for quite a long while. My little beauty tip for the night.

I have been watching a lot of the Olympics and almost stayed home tonight to watch but I decided to tape them instead and go out. I find my time here at Starbuck’s relaxing and a great way to wind down after a busy day. It is amazing how just a few hours as Susan can relieve so much stress and make of calm and relaxed. I think if more men cross-dressed the world would be a better place or at least less stressful. I know several people I work with that are so wound up; they need to find a way to relax. Too bad I can’t tell them the secret.

Diva Las Vegas is getting closer and I still need to lose so weight and get some more clothes. Weight must come first. We still have 5 planning on going from the group I belong to here in Portland Oregon. I had hoped we would have more but the other 6 that wanted to go, well just didn’t work out for them. It will still be a blast to be out in public in Las Vegas as Susan. 11 days of nothing but Susan, makeup every day, dresses and skirts and my acrylic nails. It will be so much fun. I still need to figure out the shoes I need. I really like heels but know I can’t wear them all the time, for one I would look out of place and my feet would be dead by the end of the trip.

Well while I have been writing it has gotten a little busier here and there are about 10 people here now. It seems Starbuck’s is a good place to go and hang out either with friends or to work on your computer. It is so much better than sitting at home. I find the more I am out the more calm I am as Susan when I go out. I really think that is the key to passing, not that people believe I am female but the fact I am calm and confident I think they except me more and are less likely to confront me or make a comment. The last couple years that I have been going out have been wonderful and allowed Susan to really grow. All my friends have been so wonderful and really helped me but I have to mention the ones who have had the biggest impact. So I want to thank Teresa, Cassandra, Peggy, Alice, Maya and Bev. Your help and support has helped shape Susan into the woman she is today. I wish all cross-dressers could have such wonderful friends. Wow a little mushy there but really if you are a cross-dresser the best thing you can do for yourself is find some friends who support you. The internet is great for that. So many of the t-girls in our group have really grown over the last couple years. Two years ago I was afraid just to go to a drag cub or gay bar that I knew was accepting. Now I love going out and prefer the mainstream places like shopping, movies, and of course Starbuck’s.

February 23, 2010 Posted by | crossdress, Starbucks, T-girl | , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Friday Pool night at Embers

Well Friday night at Embers was all about pool. I wore one of my new dresses I bought, more of a casual look but a really cute dress I think. I have two and had a hard time choosing but I made the right choice as when I got to Embers Cassandra was wearing the one I didn’t pick. It looks like we bought the same dress. I guess we both thought it was cute. Anyway when I got there Cass, Candy and Lisa were already their up playing pool. It didn’t take long and others started to show up and soon we took up the whole area by the pool table.

It was so nice to see Candy again. It has been a while sense she has been out on a Friday night and it gave us a chance to talk and catch up on things. She is a lot of fun to hang out with. Candy Cassandra and Jamie dominated the pool table. I played twice and lost both games but still had a lot of fun. Even Barb showed up and played pool. Even Diane and Cheri showed up. Cheri was in boy mode (the first time I have ever met her this way). And Diane I have not seen sense the summer as she does not live here but comes here for business. It was great to see her again.

Jamie who is a newer member was out and I got to meet her. She came out last Saturday for the first time and her wife (who is supportive of her) was there on Saturday but tonight it was just her. We spent a good amount of time talking and getting to know each other. She is really nice and looks really good and passable. It is always nice to expand your group of friends and I hope she continues to come out more. Maya and Bev were also there, Maya had on a really cute skirt and pink top. She is so skinny she looks can wear anything. Got to talk with them both mostly Bev which I really like, there is nothing like a little girl talk. It is strange Susan so enjoys talking and being social just the opposite of my boy mode.

The show was good again tonight but being up by the pool table made it a little harder to watch but it was also a little less noisy allowing us to talk the whole night. By midnight the crowd had thinned enough that there really weren’t very many people watching the show. All in all it was a good night with friends and for me, that is the most important part of going out.

February 20, 2010 Posted by | CD, crossdress, crossdressing, Gender, T-girl | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Starbuck’s for another Wednesday night

Well as usual I went to Starbuck’s tonight. The difference is I wore a dress. I bought some new outfits on line last week and a couple were dresses. Both are of a more casual look that would be something you could wear to work so I really wanted to wear one. It is a little more dressy then most of the other people here but I did see a few ladies come in wearing dresses so I don’t feel out of place. Again they were really busy when I got here and the only table open was way in the back corner which is still okay but I like being more out in the middle of the room in amongst the other people, as it slows down I will feel like I am sitting in the corner.

Any way when I got here Shavonie greeted me and told me how nice I looked which made me feel good. Even Katie noticed I had a new dress so we talked for a few minutes before I went and sat down way in the back. There were probably 25 people here tonight again seems they are getting busier on Wednesday nights but that is okay with me as long as I can find a seat. I like being out with other people around and every week I am getting more comfortable and confident. This will really help me when we go to Diva Las Vegas and I spend 11 days as Susan.

Well the t-girl group I belong to is starting to get really big, I think we are up to 147 members now and the group is always active. Cassandra started something new this week she picked one t-girl (me Susan) and asked everyone to post one thing you really like about or one thing the person is really good at. There were so many posts that I was blushing all week. I have so many great friends and it was nice to hear some of the things they liked about me. I really owe them all big thanks and hug. Now comes the hard part, I have to pick the next t-girl for the post. We have so many great t-girls in this group I don’t know who to pick. I have till tomorrow to make my pick but wow it is like trying to choose between best friends.

Anyway the crowd here is thinning out and there are only 6 of us left here but still a pretty steady stream of people who come in, get something and leave. I have even talked with Katie and Shavonie a few times tonight and learned a little about them. I even told them about going to Las Vegas in April. They have both worked for Starbuck’s for several years (Katie a little longer) and Shavonie likes to play golf and went golfing today to enjoy the sunshine. By the way today was so sunny and nice almost like summer. Susan is so ready for the summer.

February 17, 2010 Posted by | CD, crossdress, crossdresser, Las Vegas, Starbucks | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Valentine’s Party at Kathy and Mandie house

Well for Friday night I went to a Valentine’s Day Party. I ordered a new dress just for the party and it showed up Friday afternoon. It is a cute black floral print dress. The Party was at Kathy and Mandie’s house. They have a beautiful house and are gracious hostesses. They had awesome food and even a bartender. The party was so much fun and it gave us a chance to talk with each other and get to know a little about everyone.

Cassandra went to Victoria’s before the party and had her do her makeup so she arrived a little later. Teresa had on a beautiful long dress that sparkled and even Peggy wore a beautiful Purple dress. They both looked so great. Everyone looked so nice in their Valentines dresses. Everyone was taking pictures and having a great time.

I got a chance to meet Laurie for the first time. We have exchanged e-mails but never met. The funny thing I didn’t recognize her as she came in boy mode. Even after she introduced herself I still couldn’t tell it was her. I wonder if I look so different between my male side and Susan. I would like to think so that way it would be hard for people to recognize me.

It seemed strange not to go to Embers as that I s my normal Friday outing but it is more about being with my friends then where we are. We have such a fun and friendly group here in Portland, it makes such a big difference when you have a group that accepts and supports you. Big thanks to Kathy and Mandie for hosting our Valentine’s Day party you two are awesome.

February 13, 2010 Posted by | CD, Holiday, Party, T-girl | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Wenesday night routine 2-10-2010

Well I made my usual pilgrimage to Starbucks again tonight. It seems I have settled into a regular routine. Get home from work, eat, cleanup, get dressed and then off I go. I got to Starbuck’s and again they were busy only two open tables so I took the one closest to the electrical outlet so I could plug in my computer. Katie and Shavonie greeted me by name (so nice) and asked how my day was going. They are so nice. We chatted while Katie made my drink and she even commented about it being Wednesday night as I was here. I guess they know my routine too. Again with all the people here nobody paid any attention to me. I know I don’t pass that well so I guess it is not as big of a deal seeing a guy dressed as a woman as I would have thought or maybe (just my thought) I seem so calm and self assured now that I have been coming here that I come across more natural. I like that idea.

Over the last few months as I have gotten out more I have tried to blend in more and act and dress as other woman I see. I have started to wear more pants and blouses and toned down my makeup. As I have gone out more I feel more at ease and dare I say normal as Susan and I really believe this helps me come across better. So my best advice to all you t-girls out there is self-confidence. Now I also know this is easier said than done but if you can work at it, then it will do wonders for you. The one thing I have notice when watching other woman is they are confident in who they are. I have so many good friends that are t-girls and they have helped me in so many ways. Teresa, Maya and Cassandra are so confident when they are out and I have tried to be more like them and it is working. The other thing they all have in common is the ability to walk up and talk to anyone. This was one of the first things I noticed about Alice another friend. This had proven harder for me as I am terribly shy although Susan is more outgoing than my male side but I need a lot of work in this area. It would be so great to be able (confident) enough to just walk up to a stranger and strike up a conversation. This is my goal for the year.

Even though I am only a part time girl (couple times a week) I still want to try to improve myself and make Susan as good as she can be. This is still a big part of who I am and I believe that anything doing is worth doing to the best of your ability. That is another reason I am so looking forward to Diva Las Vegas. It will give me a chance to expand Susan’s reality as I will be living her for 11 days straight. Susan will be out in the public in one of the busiest cities in the country, in crowded casinos and busy hotels and shopping and going out to dinner and yes I even plan on playing golf while I am down there. Not sure how well I will do as I will have long acrylic nails and not sure how well I will be able to grip the golf club. But no matter what it will be all Susan. If you have never heard about Diva Las Vegas or just want some information check out their web page. It really looks like it will be an awesome time.

Well Barb showed up tonight to join me for a while. She showed up a little before 8 pm. It is nice to have someone to have some girl talk with. We spent an hour just talking so I didn’t get as much done on my computer but that is okay I can take care of that tomorrow. Now I am at home and thought I would update my blog.

February 10, 2010 Posted by | Las Vegas, Starbucks, T-girl | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Super Bowl Sunday party

Well this was a busy weekend for Susan. After going out Friday night I set my sights on Sunday and Super Bowl. Peggy and Cassandra were throwing a party, they are so great as they have held several parties now at their house and they always have lots of food. Thanks for all you two do for our group. Well anyway as they no longer sell the makeup I have used (max Factor pan stick) for several years I needed to find a new makeup that would give me the coverage I need to cover my beard shadow. Now I have heard from lots of woman (both TG and GG) that Mac is the best so I decided that was what I wanted to try. I also knew this was a lot more money than the drug store brand I have been using so I wanted to get the right color the first time so you all know what that means. I would have to go in without makeup on which for me was boy mode.

So Saturday night I went to Nordstrom’s at Lloyd Center. Now I love going to the makeup counter but it is a little more intimidating in boy mode. Luckily it was late in the evening and they were not really busy. there was a young man and woman working there and I really hoped the young lady would get done with her customer first as I thought it would be easier but as luck would have it she took longer so the young man came over and asked if he could help me. I told him what I needed (coverage) and he started to explain about the different make up types. Then he said it would help him if he knew what I was using it for so I went ahead and told him I liked to dress up every once in a while. This seemed perfectly normal to him and he told me what I needed was Studio Fix fluid spf15. He then tested some different shades on my jaw till we found the right shade and he even showed me how to layer it till I got the coverage I needed. He was very helpful and very nice and even gave me his card and told me if I needed anything else or wanted more help on how to apply the different makeup to give him a call. In all it went very well so I will give him a plug his name is Christian Gatlin Mac counter at Nordstrom’s Lloyd Center.

Sunday I was so looking forward to the party and of course trying my new foundation. I figured it was a good time as if it didn’t look right I would be at a party at a house instead of out in public. As I got ready I found the foundation very easy to work with and it did a really good job. The coverage was as good if not better than the one I was using and it looked a lot more natural. The only down side was cost. $26 compared to the $9 for the Max Factor. I will jump ahead as I am talking about the foundation, when I got home some 10 hours later I still had great coverage and the makeup still looked fresh and clean where as the Max Factor usually looked a little old after I would get home from being out. So for that reason I have found a new foundation as it looks better longer.

Anyway I left for the party and as I was driving there I realized I forgot the stuff I bought to bring so I stopped at Albertsons (I love to shop as Susan) and went in to pick up some stuff. I only spent about 15 minutes inside and didn’t have any problems. I got to the party and there were already quite a few t-girls there. Cass made her tostacos which she has been bragging about for weeks and she has every right to brag, they were awesome. I lost track of how many people were there but I would guess 30 or more.

We had such a great time, we played Yahtzee, watched the game, took lots of pictures and Maya even tried on a few of Cassandra’s wigs. We took so many pictures and Maya looked awesome in the blonde wig. I posted one of the pictures of her and I on my flickr page as she looked so cute as a blonde. The party was so fun and everyone had a great time. A big thanks to Peggy and Cassandra for hosting it, you two are awesome.

It was a long day and as I said above when I got home I still looked good. The Studio Fix Foundation looked great about all that would have been needed was a little powder (shiny nose). I am sure all you ladies out there know this feeling but I am really happy with it and will buy it again.

February 9, 2010 Posted by | crossdress, Gender, mac, makeup, Party, T-girl | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Friday night out 2-5-2010

Well as usual Susan went out on Friday to meet her friends. I left a little earlier than normal in hopes of getting to Embers around 6 to 6:15 but wouldn’t you know it there was a wreck on the freeway and my normal 25 minute drive turned into a 70 minute drive so it was almost 8 by the time I got there. On the bright side if I had left at my normal time it would have been 8:30 or later so there is always a bright side.

When I got to Embers there was a show going on, not sure what it was for but it was really busy so we were all up by the pool table. We had all our usual t-girls there, Cassandra, Peggy, Lisa, Samantha, Amy Cristine and even Bev & Maya showed up all that was missing was Teresa. Peggy and Cassandra both had on new dresses, they had gone shopping earlier in the day. They both looked so cute and it was really nice to see Peggy in a dress as she does not usually wear a dress. Peggy and I talked about some dresses Cassandra had just got online at One Peggy liked so she ordered the same in her size.

Shannon (a GG that likes t-girls) showed up with her date. He was a little uneasy as I don’t thinks she had told him where they were going and I don’t think he had ever met a t-girl before. Cassandra was the first to talk to him and you could tell this was new to him, a bunch of dudes in dresses but he was nice and willing to talk. I talked to him for briefly and I don’t know why but I asked him if he knew what we all had in common and he said no so I told him we all looked just like him before our first date with Shannon. You should have seen the look on his face till he realized I was joking.

 Finally the early show was over and one table cleared so a few of us moved down to watch the show and the rest stayed up and played pool. The show was good as always but our group was not as big as it has been in the past which was probably good as Embers was really crowded tonight. I can’t remember the last time I saw them this busy. Well must go as I want to check out and see if I can find a new dress.

February 6, 2010 Posted by | CD, crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Susan’s Wednesday night out 2-3-2010

Well it is Wednesday night so that means Susan is out again and at her favorite Starbuck’s coffee house. When I first got here they were so busy I wasn’t sure I was going to get a table. But I found one way in the back. Both Katie and Shavonie remembered my name and greeted me by Saying “hi Susan how is your day going” It made me feel really good and I greeted them by calling them by their names (which really impressed Shavonie as she put it people have trouble remembering her name. it is almost like we are friends. Again we chatted while they made my drink.

I sat down and logged on my computer and took care of some things I needed to do. Tonight it is mostly men in here which was a little nerve racking there is one big group of about 11 men sitting right in the front and I had to walk right by them but they either were too busy with what they were talking about or just didn’t notice me. People came in and left as there are no more places to sit. Even my table is down to just the one seat as the group by the door has all the spare seats. You could tell a few had planned on staying as they brought in computers with them and kind of looked around before they finally left. I guess I got lucky I got here when I did.

By 8 pm the crowd died off and I found myself by myself here and again talked to Katie and Shavonie while I got another drink. I thought the last hour would be really quiet but 4 women came in and are sitting at the next table. 

Over the weekend I registered for Diva Las Vegas as they opened it up to newcomers on Saturday. The e-mail they sent out said that they have more signed up from those returning (108) than any other year and they are predicting this will be their biggest year yet. I am now really getting excited about it as it all seems so real now. I am registered and we have hotel reservation. All that is left is to do some clothes shopping and then go. It seems so far away still. Well I guess that is enough for tonight.

February 3, 2010 Posted by | crossdress, Las Vegas, Starbucks, T-girl | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments


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