Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Wednesday night Zoom with my friends

It is the last Wednesday of January wow how time is flying but I once again get to spend a few hours with my friends online. We have been doing these Zoom meetings now for 9 months because of the virus and although I really miss our dinners out these meetings have been really good and I really think they have helped us get to know each other better. I have said it before but I really think we should keep these meeting going when things ger back to normal for that reason plus girls who can’t get out or are out of town can join in.

I got home from work at my normal time and started getting ready and was able to take my time and enjoy doing my makeup, it just brightens my day. I was all ready by a little after 6 tonight so I had plenty of time before our meeting. I called and talked to my mom for awhile and got a few pictures. I started the meeting right at 7 and there were girls already waiting. Tonight, we had Jennifer, Julie, Nicole, Jan & Lynn, Tori, Patty, Antonia, Rebecca, Mallie, Karen and me so we had a total of 12. Now as I said earlier with the Zoom meeting people can join in who could not normally make an outing and tonight was a good example. Julie is in Southern California right now, Antonia lives by the Bay Area in California, Nicole, Rebecca, Mallie and Karen are up by the Seattle area and the rest of us are in the Portland Area which is not something possible with a Wednesday night dinner.

Now we spent a little time catching up with everyone and then we got to know Karen as this was her first time joining out meeting. Now she is the former President of the Emerald City group in Seattle. It is always nice to meet new girls. One of the things she talked about was for years she has been going to schools and colleges up in the Seattle area and talking to them about Transgender issues and what it means. Now several of us found this really interesting as I think it is good for our community to be out and talking with people and one of the reasons I really like going out in public as I think it helps people see us as just normal people who present different then they do. I will also admit I have thought about what it would be like to talk to groups like schools, I think it would be fun but also a little intimidating as I would be representing not just me but other people in the transgender community. I often give my points of views in my blog and how it applies to me but I always clarify it with it is my views only and how I feel. I guess going out and talking in public would be represent more then just my view, it is something that sounds really fun though but I think it should be a couple people talking and not just one and that is what Karen said also as she usually has a few other girls join her. Jennifer also sounded really interested in this also. Makes me wonder if there is anything like this in the Portland area and if not what it would take to start it? I think Jennifer is going to reach out to Karen and get more information.

Now Jennifer did have a question again tonight but I can’t remember what it was which is funny as during the meeting I write down who attended and what her question was but at the time I thought it was such a good question that I didn’t need to write it down and now 3 days later well you guessed it I forgot. We had a good conversation and it was 9 before any girls signed off for the night and the rest of us kept talking and we still had 6 of us till almost 10pm. Now it was time to call it a night as I do have to get up early for work so we ended the meeting for the night.

Now I am looking forward to the weekend when I will get to spend Saturday afternoon and evening as Susan.

Stay safe and happy and find something that makes your life worthwhile. Thanks for reading my blog and sharing this part of my life with me and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

January 30, 2021 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Susan at home

Well, the weekend is here and that means some Susan time but first I had some yard work to do although I slept in till 9 as it was a long week. It was about noon when I finished my yard work and made a quick lunch before getting ready for my day as Susan. I started off with a nice warm shower to clean up, well I was almost done with my shower when the shower head popped off. It has happened before but this time it was so loose I could not get it to stay back on so it will have to be replaced. Now I had a choice, I could run to Home Depot and get a new one and replace it and then become Susan of I could finish my transformation to Susan and then have Susan go to Home Depot. Well as changing out a shower head is pretty easy, I decided it would be Susan to go to Home Depot and buy my shower head and to make the home repair.

I continued getting ready and doing my makeup but I also had to think now as I had planned on just being at home today so I was going to do a really dramatic eye look but now I have to go out to Home Depot I decided to tone down the eye makeup and put extra effort on my brows. Now last night I was watching a few video’s on doing eyebrows and a couple of them showed drawing in the shape, outlining them first and then filling them in so I decided to try this and it really did make it easier and I was happy with the shape and look although probably a little dark for my hair color. Let me know what you think.

It was a little after 2 when I was all dressed and ready to start my day as Susan and yes as I am wearing a maroon top with my jeggings which is a cute look for the daytime. I got my purse and was on my way to Home Depot, it only took about 10 minutes to get there and I went in and being a Saturday, they were busy. Now they had a big selection but it was almost all a complete replacement of all the fixtures. Just plain showerheads the selection was small but I found one that will work for now although I may look into changing them all someday, maybe on my vacation. Now it was back home the whole trip only took about 30 minutes and once I got home Susan successfully changed out the shower head in just a few minutes so she is more then just a pretty face.

Now today will be a movie day Star Wars. Now last night I watched the Phantom Menace (1) & Attack of the clones (2) and recorded Revenge of the Sith (3) so I will watch that and then a New Hope (4) Empire strike back (5) and return of the Jedi (6). Yes, I am a fan of Star Wars. I watched the first of my 4 movies and then it was tie for dinner. Now I have been cooking my own dinners at home lately but tonight I decided to treat myself to McDonalds, mainly because I wanted to go out again even if it was just to go through the drive through. I got my purse and was on my way again. I got there and got a couple quick pictures in the car before going through the drive through. Yes, for some reason I think the pictures in my car turn out the best and I can only think it is the indirect natural light. I ordered my food and went back home to eat but it did get me out of the house twice today.

Now at home I ate and started my second movie and worked on my blog from Wednesday nights zoom meeting which I had not wrote yet. I used to write my blog the very next day but there is something about writing it, writing about my time as Susan while I am Susan as it seems more like I am telling my story than writing about someone else. I got that blog posted and now it will just be a quiet night at home watching movies and I will start on this blog.

I did take time to set up our groups Zoom meeting for this coming Wednesday night. It was a nice relaxing day at home as Susan, I stayed up till almost midnight watching my Star Wars movies. Then it was time to wash away all traces of Susan and go to bed, it is always sad when my Susan time comes to an end but I can look forward to Wednesday night with my friends as I said earlier it is important to have things you enjoy and can look forward to.

Stay safe and stay happy, life is too short for anything else.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life and maybe look back on some of my old blogs.

Feel free to leave a comment or question if you want and let me know what you think of the shape of my eyebrows.


January 24, 2021 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Some time with my friend’s online zoom call

Well, I have made it to the middle of the week and tonight is our weekly zoom meeting for our group. Now with everything going on in the world it can hard to stay positive so it is more important now days to stay in touch with friends and family but also find something you love to do. It doesn’t matter what it is, read, exercise, watch a movie but find something to look forward to in your life as it is the little things that make life better, for me it is my time as Susan and spending time with my friends, yes, I would much rather it be in person but seeing and talking to them even if only online.

I got home a little late again so it would be a rush getting ready so once again I was talking with my mom on the phone while I was doing my makeup, I always wonder what she would think. I spent a little more time on my eyebrows tonight as I am trying to get them to look the same. For some reason I just can’t seem to get them to match but I guess that is okay as Jennifer said they are not twins but sisters and I have heard that before. I was already a little before 7 so I got a few pictures.

I started the meeting right at 7 and girls were waiting, it is so wonderful to see them again. Tonight, we had 8 girls, Julie, Jennifer, Melissa, Nicole, Dawnie, Danielle, Jeanie and me so a smaller group tonight. Now Julie is in Southern California for the winter and Danielle is now back in Thailand so they both joined us from there. That is one of the good things of Zoom as you can be anyplace in the world and still join in. We all chatted for a while and just caught up on things in our lives. we are all ready for this virus to be over and things to get back to normal.

It was a little after 8 when it was time for Jennifer’s question of the night and it was what we use or how do we get our body shape and the look we want. Now we al have some things we do the same and some we don’t and things that work for us. One of the other girls went first so it gave me time to think. Now I will start at the top as I do have a really nice pair of silicone breast forms, I really like. I like the feel of the weight and how they make me look although I think they are maybe 1 size too big for me especially if I am wearing tight outfits. I mainly wear these at home and sometimes when I go out with the group. When I go out by myself or in a small group wear, I am really trying to blend in I have some padded bra’s I got at Victoria’s Secret I love called So Obsessed which is a padded bra that ads 1 ½ cup sizes and I can pull some of the loose flesh on my chest up and makes a realistic looking bust which I think is the perfect size for me, the sad thing is Victoria’s Secret discontinued them a couple years back which is why I bought several.

I also have a couple full line corsets I love and they really do give me a nice hourglass shape I actually find them comfortable and they really do help my posture also which I like although I don’t wear these that often. Now about a year ago I bought some nice hip and butt pads from Dress Tech which I really love. I really haven’t worn the butt pads much as I have a hard time getting them in the right position but the hip pads are awesome once I learned how to position them. They need to go up a little higher than my normal hips to get the right look. Now if I am wearing a tight dress, pants or a skirt I always wear these now. If it is a loose dress or a dress with a flare I don’t. they really do give me a wonderful shape; I really need to try the hip pads with my corset and see how that looks. Now the weight of the hip pads actually help you walk a little more feminine also. Now the hip pads ad about 7lbs when they are on, by the way my breast forms ad about 4lbs and the butt pads about 2lbs so when I have them all on it is an extra 14 to 15 lbs. which does make you move a little different. Now a lot of the girls have the dress tech hop pads and they all love them as a matter of fact a year ago when they were talking about them is when I decided to get mine and although they are not cheap it was so worth it, I am so glad I got them. Now tonight group we were evenly split as we had 4 who have or are transitioning and 4 that are not so yes, a couple of the girls no longer need extra padding. It really was a good discussion and I think it helps us all to see we have things in common.

Our group is very diverse from those who dress part time a couple times a year to those who have fully transitioned and are living as who they really are but we all accept each other and support everyone. It was around 9 we had a few girls sign off but we kept going. Now we were playing with some of the settings in Zoom and it appears you can soften your image which I tried and it did make my skin look softer and more feminine and a few of the girls had the newer version and they could do filters on their pictures like hats, glasses, horns or funny ears, I will have to upgrade mine when I log off. It was almost 10pm and we still had Julie, Melissa, Danielle and me online. It had been a long day and I have to get up early so I was getting tired so at 10pm we called it a night and I ended the meeting. It was sad to see the evening come to an end but now I am looking forward to Saturday and a little more Susan time and of course Next Wednesday when I can join my friends again online.

Be safe and stay positive and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

January 23, 2021 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Another Saturday and some Susan time.

It is another weekend and I get to spend part of Saturday as Susan; I look forward to this all week long. Now I really do miss going out with my Friends and the last year has been really hard with the lockdowns and places being closed. Our last regular dinner out was March 15th of last year more than 10 months ago. Now I have made the best of it as I think it is important to stay positive and look on the bright side of things. Now part of that is finding things you like to do, things you look forward to. Well, I had some things to do around the house early so it was a little after 12 when I started my Transformation to Susan.

Now I took my time getting ready and doing my makeup, it was a relaxing time and just made me feel good. I want everyone to find something they like and can look forward to and make it part of your life even if it just a few minutes it really helps. I spent about 1 ½ hours getting ready. Now I usual I do need to make a trip to the grocery store and pick some things up including dinner for me and my mom on Sunday. It is not much of an outing but it is funny as I am now doing things for my male self as Susan where years ago it was my male self doing things for my female side. Now I know when I make statements like this, I get someone who will say I am heading towards transitioning, that is not the case though as I have said I need both sides of me to be happy. Yes, I like being Susan and I like spending time as Susan and yes if money was no object, I would probably spend a lot more time as Susan but as happy as she makes me and as much as I love spending time as her, she is not the whole of who I am. No matter where you are in your journey, find balance in your life and be happy with yourself and who you are.

I grabbed my purse and I was off to Fred Meyers to do some shopping, this is becoming my normal Saturday now. I got there and went in and did my shopping. I was only here about 30 minutes but it was nice just to be out for a while. I guess it is the next best thing to going to Starbucks which I hope they will open up again soon. I got my food and then was on my way home. When I got home, I got my dinner ready for Sunday, we are having porkchops and I wanted to marinate them overnight. Now today I was going to rest at home and watch some movies but I did get a few pictures first.

It was about 5:30 when I stopped and made dinner, tonight it is a Steak, baked potato and corn. I had a nice dinner and watched movies till it was time for bed. Now I am looking forward to Wednesday nights Zoom meeting with my friends. Now Diva Las Vegas is canceled for the spring and they are looking at the fall but Cassandra and her wife are going for 10 days in May and posted in the group. Now I can’t make the full 10 days but I am thinking about going for part of it maybe Sunday through Thursday. The bad thing is I still have almost 3 weeks I have to use by the end of April so I will be taking some tome off with no real plans although yes it will be a lot of Susan time.

Stay safe and stay positive and thanks for reading my blog and following my journey and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

January 19, 2021 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A few hours as Susan on zoom with my friends.

It is another Wednesday and that means spending time with my friends online in our weekly Zoom meeting. Now this week I got home from work early so I had plenty of time to get ready and enjoy doing my makeup and transformation. Now growing up I kept Susan such a secret and justified it to myself as she was a separate part of me. Now I knew that wasn’t true but back then I helped me deal with this side of my life. Now once I met my friends and joined our group about 13 years ago, I learned to accept this side of me and that really means 2 things. 1st I know this side of me will never go away as Susan really is an integral part of me and who I am and will be. 2nd I have learned to embrace this side of me, now this doesn’t mean I am telling everyone but what is does mean is I am living my life and if people find out so be it.

Now over the last few years I have said there really is no difference between my sides on yes that is true mostly although there are little things. My male side does not wear Jewelry not even a watch but my female side does not feel right without at least a bracelet and ring. Now yes when I am Susan, I am more feminine and smile more as I just feel better but I really am the same person. Susan and my male side really do make up the person I am and with out both sides of me I would not be the person I am and I really think understanding this has helped me accept who I am. Now being Susan relaxes me and eliminates my stress and I always say it is because I am leaving my male self behind and being Susan but that really is not true as my male side is always with me but the problems and worries of my male side is what I leave behind. It really is like taking a vacation for me. For those brief hours I am Susan and those problems go away. It is like taking a vacation from my male side. Now that may sound funny but the reason people take vacations is to get away and recharge, they may go someplace or do something they really like and for me it is being Susan and when I can take a vacation as Susan it is wonderful, probably why I love going to Diva Las Vegas. Now as always this is how I feel and what is right for me and I can not and will not speak for anyone else.

I was all ready a little after 6 so I had time to get a few pictures and call and talk with my mom for a while and it was right at 7 when I started our meeting. Now we had another good turnout tonight with 14 of us, Jennifer, Julie, Melissa, Cyndee, Jeanie, Nicole, Antonia, Danielle, Danika, Grace, Maille, Rebecca, Patty and me. It was great to see them all again if only online. We talked for a while and caught up; I really think it is important to keep in contact with friends and family now with everything going on. We are not meant to be isolated and cut off from people. Now I have never been a really social person and I know how hard it has been for me so I can only imagine how hard it is for those who are really social. We had a nice time.

Now it was time for Jennifer’s question, tonight’s question was do we every feel we are imposters, lying about who we are. Now I had never really thought about this although some of the girls have and it was interesting to hear their thoughts. Now this may be a touchy subject for some but remember we all have our own paths, feelings, fears and we don’t all feel or view things the same and questions like this can help us come together and understand each other. Now some of the thoughts are as we were not born as woman even though we are part or all female that we are imposters and although I have never thought of that or felt that way, I can understand that. I think for me I maybe felt some others might look at me this way but I never felt like I was an Imposter as it was probably more that I was feeling guilt growing up about how I am. It does give us something to think about though. We all go through so many feelings in our lives and I imagine we will from time to time till the end of our lives but the key is to work though them and never give into them.

It was almost 9 when girls started to sign off but it was a fun night. Now there were still a few of us online, Julie, Melissa, Maille and me and we kept talking till almost 10 before we said goodbye and signed off for the night. Now I am looking forward to Saturday when I will get to spend the afternoon and evening as Susan.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

January 16, 2021 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

2nd Saturday of 2021 and a little Susan time

It is the 2nd Saturday of 2021 and I once again get to spend a little time s Susan, and this is actually my 5th time this year spending time as Susan. now my plan was just a quiet day at home and so I was going for a dramatic eye look today. Now it was about noon when I started my transformation as I had a few things to do in the morning. Now I took my time as and spent a lot of time on my eyes and yes today I did false eyelashes. I really do enjoy doing my makeup as I find it relaxing and fun. Now I get asked why I spend so much time and effort on my makeup and to look pretty if I am not trying to attract and usually, I just ask them back if every woman does her makeup for the reason of attracting men? In reality I do my makeup and try to look pretty for me and no one else, yes I like when I get compliments and people tell me I look pretty but it is how I feel that counts and yes, the way I look is what I find attractive in females. The other thing I will point out is when you do something for yourself it is more enjoyable, and I think that is why I love doing my makeup. I was all ready by 1:50 and yes this would be a perfect look for an evening out with my friends.

Now as I was picking out what to wear and yes, I was looking at dresses and heels. Well, my mom called so we talked for a little while and while we talked, I realized I have not planned dinner for Sunday when she comes over for the day so yes, I need to go shopping today. Well, I picked out a pair of leggings and my maroon top and got dressed. It was a cute look for the day and yes, my makeup was a little much for daytime especially with the bright red lipstick but then again, I will have to wear a face mask so really all you will see is my eyes. Now I did take time to get some pictures for the day.

It was about 2:30 and I grabbed my purse and got ready to leave I was going to just run to Fred Meyers, but I looked outside, and the sun was out, and it looked nice so I decided to go to the Fred Meyers at Johnson Creek and then I could stop at the cemetery on my way home as that would give me a little more time out. Now last time I went it was cold, so I did grab my coat, I have had it for several months just really haven’t needed to wear it yet. Now I got a few blocks from home and realized I forgot my Drier License usually I just put my wallet in the inner pocket in my purse but as this was not a planned outing, I forgot so I had to turn around and go back home. On my way back home, I passed 2 you girls probably mid-teens walking down the road towards my street but really didn’t pay any attention to them. I parked in my drive and got out and walked into my house and got my wallet and walked back to my car and was on my way again. Now as I got to the end of my street and turned there were the same 2 girls still walking but now, they were walking towards me and as I passed them, they both smiled and waved at me, so I waved back and just kept going, I don’t think I know them, but I wonder what they were thinking.

It took me about 30 minutes to get to Fred Meyers and I parked and got a quick picture in the car before putting on my face mask to go in. I picked the one with a face on it for 2 reasons, 1st I hate the blue surgical masks, the 2nd reason was because my eye makeup was a little much for daytime, I wanted the mask to draw some attention away from my eyes while I am at the store. I went in and got a cart and started my shopping. I got stuff for dinner tomorrow plus a few other things and then stopped by the floral department to get some flower. I went and paid and them back out to my car and took my mask off.

I left Fred Meyers and it only took me 10 minutes to get to the cemetery. I got out of my car and it was a lot colder then at Fred Meyers as there was a wind, the cemetery is on the top of Mt Scott so there always seems to be a wind. I put my coat on and grabbed my flowers and purse and off I went to walk to my dad’s grave. Its about 100 yards from where I parked and the wind was cold, I was glad I brought my coat. There were lots of flowers on the graves and some small Christmas Trees, it was very beautiful up there today. I put the flowers on the grave and spent about 20 minutes here. The coat helped but my hands and face got cold. I did get a picture here also. It was a little after 4 when I left the cemetery and headed for home.

As it was close to dinner and as I skipped lunch, I decided to stop at the Panda Express by my house and get dinner. I pulled in and parked, I always back into parking spots as I fine it is easier to not have to back out, so my car door was right next to the other car next to me with a lady in it, but I paid no attention and just put my mask on and went in. there were 2 people Infront of me so I had a brief wait till I ordered. Now I have come here for years as my male self nut it has only been the last 8 months I have also been coming here as Susan. I got my food and left, and the car was still parked next to mine and as I walked up the lady inside rolled her window down and told me she loved my mask and followed it up with telling me I looked really cute. Now I am not sure if she was talking about my mask or me in general, but I thanked her and got into m car and went home.

It was about 5:30 when I got home and ate my dinner while I watched a little TV. The rest of the night will just be some Susan time at home. Now at 8 pm the movie Wonder Woman came on so I will watch that and do my blog till I go to bed. It has been a good day. Now I am looking forward to Wednesday night zoom meeting with my friends.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

January 9, 2021 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

A quiet Friday night at home.

Well, it is Friday, and I got a chance to spend some Susan time. for those who have read my blog you know my heat pump went out back in November so I have been using my furnace since then. Well, I took my time and got 4 estimates and yesterday and today they were installing my new heating system. Now yes, I had to use a couple vacation days and it was sad not to be Susan. Yesterday they started a little after 8am and worked till almost 5 and I thought about dressing last night but didn’t but today I really wanted. Now I was hoping that they would finish early today.

Now yesterday they installed the furnace in my attic and set my heat pump outside so today all they had to do was make the connection from the heat pump to the furnace so most of the work would be outside with a little in the attic and yesterday I really had no contact with them. Now I did get a lot done around the house as I had the whole day free and wasn’t Susan. that brings us to this morning, after they arrived, I was just sitting there watching TV and eating breakfast and wishing I was Susan, well I went to the Bathroom and saw my makeup in my drawer and I just couldn’t control myself, so I put on some mascara and not just a little, but a full coat and they looked good and I just had to put on some eye shadow also. Now it was subtle browns shades, a nice daytime look. Yes, in bright light especially if my eyes were closed it was really noticeable but inside the house with the lights off you would really have to look close and would probably notice the mascara first. So, I spent the next few hours watching TV.

They finished a little after 2 and all that was left was to sign the paperwork or so I thought. The one man came in and wanted to go over my new thermostat. Now in my hallway it’s not real bright and I didn’t turn on the hall light but to tell you the truth I had forgot I had done my eyes up. It only took about 10 minutes to go over it and get my phone set up to control it and then they were gone so I had the rest of the day. I decided to finish off my makeup in a daytime look. I was all finished except for my outfit. Now I did prune my grape plants back and I needed to pick up the pruning’s, so I put on a pair of jeans and a plain top and a coat and went out and worked in my back yard for a while cleaning them up, it took a little longer as I took my time as I didn’t want to get dirty, yes, it is a little harder doing work when you are worried about staying clean. Now I know the odds of one of my neighbors seeing me is small but a few years ago I would never have done this. I spent about 40 minutes out working in my yard before coming in. first thing was to change my clothes.

Now I watched a little TV till about 5:30 and then made dinner I had steak and cooked it on my grill on my deck. I had a nice dinner and then will watch TV till it was bedtime. now I did get 1 picture, not my best look but it will do. It was a relaxing evening at home and now I am looking forward to tomorrow as I will get to spend the afternoon and evening as Susan also.

Thanks for reading my blog and please read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

January 8, 2021 Posted by | Susan Time | Leave a comment

Spending Wednesday night with my friends on Zoom

Well, another Wednesday night is here, and I get to spend a few hours with my friends on Zoom. Now I got home late again 6:15 so it would be another rush getting ready tonight. Yes, as I did my makeup I was talking to my mom on the phone and even though she doesn’t know about this side of me, her daughter it still made it enjoyable. O thought I might have to start the meeting while still getting ready, but I was ready just a few minutes before 7 so I even had a few minutes to get a few quick pictures. I started the meeting right at 7 and there were a few girls waiting and it didn’t take long, and we had 12 girls in 11 windows open, Julie, Melissa, Danielle, Jennifer, Cyndee, Danika, Jan & Lynn, Maillee, Nicole, Robin, and me so it was a good turnout again tonight. Julie is actually back in town for a couple weeks, to bad things are shut down and we can’t go out for dinner.

Now This was Maillee’s first meeting with us as she just joined our group. She is a member of the Emerald city in Seattle actually she is the President of the group so it was nice she could join us. Of course, we all wanted to know a little more about her, one of the things I love about having new ladies in our group. She has a very accepting wife which is always good to hear. Now we all had questions, so she was the focus for a little while. Well, we all talked for a while and then it was time for Jennifer’s question of the night, we all look forward to this.

Tonight’s question had a few parts, how many purses do we have, what do we have in them, do we have a favorite or do we match them with our outfits? Now I had to think about this for a moment while one of the other girls went first. When it was my turn I started off with the count, I guess I have 8 and I will explain that number. First, I have what I call my special occasion dressy purse at least that is why I bought it. It has a small chain strap and is really cute but really small, basically I can get my key’s, driver’s license and credit card and maybe a lipstick in it. It is cute but not really practical, so I almost never use it. I have 2 clutch type purses with a wrist strap which is use occasionally this way but mostly the one I have taken the strap off and use as a wallet in my regular purse. That leaves my 5 regular purses, now yes all of them are black. I don’t switch out as I don’t match to my outfits. I know that a lot of women have purses for different outfits but that is something I have never felt I needed to do so I guess I am a little different then the average woman. These purses are my history of going out as Susan. I still have the first one I ever bought, and I really didn’t like it and replaced it quickly. And then as one got worn or I found one I liked better I replaced it and just can’t seem to get rid of the old ones even though I don’t use them, and I have a few wigs that way also.

Now my current purse is not real big but has a lot of room in it and several hidden pockets which I like as one is perfect for just dropping my male wallet in. when I use to switch my driver’s license over occasionally, I would forget to switch it back and find myself someplace as my male self with no ID. I do have a lipstick and compact in it along with a small bottle of my perfume, a pen, wallet with my Susan credit card, Costco card, and money, some tissue, my spare set of keys, and one last item that is personal just for me. Now some of the girls are similar to me with just a few some like big purses and some like small and even a few had a lot of purses and matched them to their outfits. We are just as divers on this and that is fine.

We talked some more and got on the topic of what we view our selves as and yes, some girls don’t like titles. Now I have never put much emphasis on titles as long as people treat me with respect. Now I have no plans to transition so yes, I do consider myself a crossdresser, but I also view myself as transgender as I am more comfortable as Susan. now a few of the girls who have or are transitioning were talking about how they feel specifically gender dysphoria and how it has affected them, and it got me thinking. Now no I am not thinking about transitioning but I do think that all who are in the transgender community do have a little gender dysphoria and I will explain. I will explain, I am more comfortable as Susan as I can be myself without feeling I am hiding part of who I am, but it is more then that. Me dressing, expressing my feminine side is relaxing to me and relieves my stress. When I can’t dress or have to go without expressing this side of me my stress level goes up, I get a little irritable, I have a hard time sleeping as I am thinking about finding time to be Susan so yes this is a form of gender dysphoria not with my physical body but my emotional being and my being able to express who I am. Now those who transition their dysphoria is about being who they truly are not just expressing how they feel. Again, we share some things in common but also have some differences and that is okay what is important is to understand who you are and accept it and accept those around you. We really had a good discussion on this topic.

Well, we still had most of our girls till after 9 tonight which was nice but about 9:15 we lost most of our girls. It was a wonderful night and soon it was just Maillee and me left and we got a chance to talk one on one for a while which was nice. We talked a little about our groups and she is having a member meeting on Thursday night and is going to post a link in our group so we can attend although I doubt, I will make it. We also talked about maybe once things get back to normal and yes, they will get back to normal maybe doing some joint outings. Now we are only a little over 3 hours apart without traffic which isn’t that bad, but I think it would involve an overnight stay unless we did something in the late afternoon or early evening. I think that would be fun as I know some of the girls up there. It was a wonderful night, and I was sad to see it end.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

January 7, 2021 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Saturday at home as Susan and a start to 2021

It is January 2nd and I get to spend the afternoon and evening as Susan at home, now this will be my second day in a row of being Susan part of the day as yesterday I spent the evening as Susan so I am off to a goo start this year. Now I got up early as today I had big plans, I have been putting this off, but I wanted to shampoo my carpets at least the ones downstairs. I have been bringing my mom over t my house on Sunday to get her out for the day and as she is on lockdown once again for 28 days, I felt I should do a little more cleaning. Well, I didn’t want to be doing hard housework as Susan, yes this is the time I like being my male self as Susan does not like getting dirty or sweaty. So, after doing my carpets I went upstairs and decided to organize my closet basically getting all my Susan stuff together in one spot as I have kind of spread it between a few of the rooms, one thing I did was get my wigs all together, yes, I have some old wigs I don’t wear anymore but haven’t got rid of the as they have good memories.

It was about 12:30 when I showered and started getting ready for the day and being as I am just staying home it was a chance to play with makeup. I used the same dark foundation from last night on the outer part of my face ad neck but a lighter one in the center of my face. I also used a brighter blush today called coral that I found when I was organizing Susan. I got this one a couple years ago and thought it was too bright, but I just used a little less. I was all ready by 2 and now it was time for a few pictures. Now I got a wild idea for the day, yes, I was going to get a picture in each of the different wigs I found organizing Susan. Now I will say some I like better and some a lot less but am looking forward to what everyone else thinks good or bad. Now these are posted in no special order on my part so if you want to comment on them just count them from top to bottom so I know which one you are talking about. It was fun to see the different looks and as I said in yesterday’s blog it is amazing how much you can change your look with a different hair style or makeup. I really do have the best of both worlds.

It took me a long time to come to terms with who I am, how Susan fits into my life and even more to not only accept it but embrace it. Susan is a big part of my life and who I am, and she has shaped who I am. Now I am not coming out to people, but I am also not hiding it anymore. I am just going about my life and being me and if people find out they find out. The one thing I will say as for those who only know my male side Susan is a big part of that even though you don’t know it and for those who only know Susan yes, my male side is also part of who she is. I would like to say it was easy but it wasn’t it was a long hard journey but what really helps me was meeting others like me, friends who accepted me for me.

Now what ever you path is follow it and don’t let others influence you or tell you it is wrong, or you should be someone else. Now it is easy for me to talk about who I am and how I feel and what is right for me and tat is all it is. It may be right for others or it may not. Now I don’t want this to sound bad, but it is human nature to find others who feel the same as you and it can also be a help to reinforce things in your life to have others do the same as it can validate choices, we make in our live so sometimes we can try and convince others that they are the same as us. I have had a few girls tell me I was fooling myself as I knew I wanted to transition, and I always tell them the same thing. I am happy with who I am, and I need both male and female sides of me and that is what is right for me. I get some comments sometimes or e-mails for others telling me they feel the same as I do and yes that makes me feel good, but I am always fearful of others who are still trying to figure out who they are being influenced by how I feel. I know when I was young, I felt so alone, like I was the only one who did this and had I met someone then like me they would have had a big influence on me. I have told the story before about the first time I actually went out as Susan it was with the help of a girl named Lori who tapped on my car window and offered to walk in with me and introduced me around. She actually offered to take me to other place that were safe to go so we got in her van and went to other places that night and it made such a difference in my life. The next day I was freaked out by it when I realized I got into a car with someone I had just met dressed as Susan. something I wouldn’t do even as my male self but again I had met someone like me that made me feel. It is okay to listen to others and find out who they are and how they feel but make sure you figure out for yourself who you are as only you can know that for sure. I hope this makes sense as it is hard to get in words. The last words I will leave you with is be true to yourself.

Now for the day I just spent a quiet day at home watching movies and doing some laundry and yes, I cooked dinner about 5. It was just a relaxing day at home as I look forward to the days we can go out as a group with my friends.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life and let me know what you think of the different looks.

January 2, 2021 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Happy New Years a little Susan time on New Year’s Day

Happy New Year’s everyone may this be your best year ever. Now Last night New Years Eve there were 2 zoom meetings one hosted by the group in Sacramento earlier in the evening and one later at 9:30 hosted by the group in Seattle and I had hope to make both for a little while but that didn’t happen as I got home late and didn’t have time to get ready for the first one and as I had to be at work early New Year’s Day, I needed to be in bed by 10 so I skipped both. Now people started shooting fireworks around y house about 11 so I really didn’t get any sleep till after midnight anyway so now I was regretting not being Susan and joining the zoom meetings. Well, that brings us to New Year’s Day and I actually got off early and by early I only worked 8 hours and with no traffic I got home by 3 so I figured I would start the New Year’s off right as Susan

I started getting ready and today I wanted to try a little different look. I have a foundation I haven’t used for a while and probably should have gotten rid of it, but I wanted to see if it was still good and try a darker foundation look. I think I look better with a lighter foundation but if a can get it just right a dark foundation can look good. Yes, it is amazing how you can change your look just by the makeup you use and how you apply them and as I am spending the rest of the day at home where no one will see me I am willing to play a little with my look. I also went a lot heavier on my eye liner. This is one of the things I love about being Susan is I can try different look. This is really the difference between men and woman. Most men keep the same hair style most of their life the real only change is as it turns grey or starts to fall out, women change their hair all the time, longer, shorter, color or style. Men pretty much have the same look in clothes women have a wide variety of looks in clothes. I work with a lady that has more outfits for just 1 holiday then I have in my total male wardrobe which is pretty much the same. A woman can change her look and she gets compliments when a man tries a new look people ask why, it’s just not fair.

I was all ready by 4;30 and I was pretty happy with the look. I got a few pictures and then went downstairs to fix me a nice dinner to enjoy my night at home. It is a nice way to start the New Year off right and I know this will be the best year ever. I see a lot of people posting online they just hope this year is better than last year and to me that is accepting defeat. Lets all be positive and make this not only a better year then last year but the best one yet and something to look forward to. Reach out to friends and relatives and make sure they are alright and help them stay positive, find things that will make you happy even if just a few hours. The other advice I will give is get pictures, write about what you do that you enjoy, a blog, diary or whatever you want to call it. When life becomes challenging being able to look back will help you get through it.

Thanks for reading my blog and sharing my life with me and I hope you will continue to read my blog.

January 2, 2021 Posted by | New Years, Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

   

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