Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Sunday Susan time and some thoughts on being female

It is a quiet Sunday as Susan and so I thought I would give some of my thoughts and views on Crossdressing and being transgender. Now again I will give my disclaimer as this is only my view and how I feel this in no way is how everyone feels or thinks. I get some comments and e-mails sometime from my blog and some are pretty good, by the way if you leave I can look and see your e-mail which I as a rule don’t do as I feel your privacy is just as important but every once in a while I will get a comment where they don’t want their comment public but just want to ask a question and that is the case in this one. I have been e-mailing one girl about going out and passing and she doesn’t think she passes well enough to go out so I thought I would share some of what I have told her and again this is just how I feel about this. If you read my blog from yesterday when I took my drive to the coast, I had a lot of time to think about this.

First it does not matter if you are fully transitioning or crossdressing part time at home you are Transgender, anyone who explores or expresses the opposite gender fits this category. Now I am not transiting or plan to but my female side is a real and an important part of who I am. When I am Susan, I take on the role of being female (no this is not about sex or sexual attraction) but who I am and how I act and interact with others. Now those who fully transition will talk about gender dysphoria and for a long time I thought this was just something they went through but I came to realize we all feel that on some level. If I can’t express this side of me, I get stressed out and irritable and I have trouble sleeping as when I go to bed, I find myself thinking about dressing and when I will be able to. Now I am not saying it is the same as those who transition fully but it is a range of the feeling.

Now I will address passing in public and I may draw fire for this but again my views, we don’t pass. Now the vast majority of us will never pass 100% of the time, now there are a few that do really well and usually they transitioned and a young age. Now I am not say people look at them and say they are transgender but if they spend enough time around us, they will notice little things and then another and eventually there will be enough that they will wonder. I work with a lady, a Cis women who is really tall and I have had people ask if she is trans and there have been a few times people have actually asked her and she is never happy when that happens. Now for me when we talk passing it is all about how people react to me. I go out a lot and I am the first to tell you I don’t pass. Maybe sitting down in a dark bar from a distance but if they talk to me or get a close look at me, they will know. But even if they know and treat me as a female, address me as her/she to me that is passing as I am out being accepted as a female. I go to Starbucks all the time and I know they I am not female but they always treat me like any other female and that is passing.

Now with having to wear masks it is a little easier to pass now but it does take a lot of the fun away from going out. Now the biggest thing you can do when you are out is smile, it makes you look better, more friendly and puts people at ease and most people will smile back. The other thing is to be self-confident; I was telling people to act this way but truly be confident and act as though this is perfectly normal as it is. You are doing nothing wrong; you are not broken or strange you are just you. We are all different in ways be we are all normal people. People react to you how they perceive you are and if you come across confident and that this is the most normal thing in the world most people will accept that. Be happy with who you are. The main thing I want to get across is be who you are and be proud and don’t be afraid to go out. Life is too short to be unhappy or hide in your closest.

Now back to today, it was late in the afternoon when I got dressed and took my time. it was a little after 4 when I was ready so I decided to go to Starbucks for a little while. I got there and went in and yes was greeted by the young man there as I said above, they always treat me well and like any other woman. Now I just spent a little time her enjoying being out and playing on my computer. I also finalized my events for Diva Las Vegas and pre-paid for a couple of the dinners this year, yes it is 3 weeks away now and I am looking forward to it, not just being Susan for 12 days straight and having Acrylic nails but also seeing some of my friends I have made over the years some of whom live in other parts of the country and the only time I get to see them is at Diva las Vegas.

I am now looking forward to this weeks Zoom meeting and Wednesday night dinner. Be happy with who you are and get out and enjoy life. Feel free to comment or contact me if you if you have a question or just want to talk but remember it is all my opinion and feelings and nothing more. Thanks for reading my blog.

October 8, 2021 Posted by | Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A quiet Sunday as Susan and a nice drive

Well it is Sunday and I really hadn’t planned on having Susan time today but as I had the day free, I decided to spend it as Susan. I decided I would take a drive up the gorge and maybe check out Multnomah Falls. Yes, it is a rainy day but there are supposed to be some sun breaks and I was hoping with the weather they would not be that busy. My plan was to leave around 9 so I got up early and got ready. now as you all know who read my blog, I love makeup and trying different looks and today was no exception. Today though I was going to try and find a makeup look that would go well with my black wig, I don’t wear this one often as if the makeup is not just right, I don’t look good. I spent about 2 hours getting ready and yes used more rose color eye shadow and a softer color lipstick and, in the end, I was pretty happy with how it turned out and I did get a few pictures. I wore black leggings and a grey sweater top and my white and pink tennis shoes in case the weather cooperates and I can get out and walk around at the falls. I also took my ankle boots just in case I stop someplace where I don’t have to walk a lot, a girl hast to be prepared.

I left home and drove out I-84 and saw a sign that said the parking lot was full and also something about a permit which is something new but I figured I would go check it out. now it is only about 40 miles not as far as I thought but was a nice drive. I got there and yes, the parking lot was full so I drove down the old highway and drove by it just to look but couldn’t find any roadside parking either so today would just be a nice drive. I decided to drive up to Hood River just for something to do as I have not been here in years. I got to Hood River right about 11am and planned to drive back the Washington side but did stop at a McDonald’s. Now Hood River is not real big and I don’t suppose they have a hug Transgender population but I figured if Nicole could go out in all the small towns, she goes to in Washington why not me. I went in and ordered some food and sat and ate it and really no one paid any attention to me although I am sure I got a few looks. After I ate, I drove across the bridge and headed back towards home. It was a nice drive and gave me time to think.

Now from time to time we get girls who question this side of our lives and that goes for me also. One of our girls posted a question to the group on how do we explain this to people and this got me thinking about it again. It really is a hard thing to explain to people, it is hard to explain even to myself. Why do I dress this way? Why do I like to go out as a female? What is the purpose or point of it? All are really good questions that is am sure we have all thought about and tried to justify to ourselves and others. For me this was my biggest issue growing up and what kept me from enjoying this part of who I am for many years. I will give you my answers to these questions and they are just that, how I feel about these.

The short answer is I have no idea and I am sure that is not the deep wisdom you were hoping for. It is like asking why someone buys a white car over a red or blue car, why someone buys a Toyota over a Ford or Chevy, why someone likes a certain food. The simplest answer is it is who we are. I am who I am and that is all I can be. I like makeup, I don’t know why. I like pretty and long nails, I don’t know why, I like pretty dresses, I don’t know why. We get so hung up on trying to figure out why we are who we are instead of enjoying who we are. I know some women who hate long nails, who hate heel, who hate dresses and yes some even hate doing makeup, go figure. It doesn’t change who they are any more then my love of these things changes the person I am inside. For my friends both as Susan or my male self, if you were talking to me on the phone there is nothing that would give me away. The only way any of my friends would be able to tell is to see me. I am still the same caring friendly person no matter how I am dressed. Society has created these little boxes that everyone should fit into and if you don’t it seems some people can’t process what they see. As society we really need to get pass the outward appearance of people and see them for who they are. I will date myself a little here but there use to be a TV show called the Dating game from the late 60’s & early 70’s where one person asked questions of 3 people hidden behind a curtain and it wasn’t till, they picked that they got to meet. The other person could be older than you, younger, a different race or nationality and I think that is a great way. We tend to form opinions about people and judge them simply on how they look and I think we miss out on meeting a lot of wonderful people. The friends I have made as Susan are some of the most wonderful people you could every meet. So I guess what I am saying is don’t worry so much about why you are like this but focus on enjoying who you are as everyone is special in their own way. Wow I guess the drive was longer than I thought.

I got back to Vancouver a little after 2 and yes, I had my computer with me so I figured I would stop at Starbucks but there was a problem, my hair. Now yes, I have gone to the Starbucks with different hair before but it was really more the style of the wig not the color. Showing up with black hair would be a big change so I decided to go to the Starbucks by Vancouver mall, I have gone here a couple times over the years but not enough that anyone would really remember me. This one does not have a drive through so it really is a good place to people watch. I got my drink and sat by the window facing the door so I could watch the people come and go. Now there was one young girl that I just have to mention as she walked in and looked towards me and turned around and walked back out and yes I was thinking it was me but she went to her car and got her mask which she had forgotten and came back in. now the funny thing is she had what I think was a sucker in her moth as I could see the stick, sticking out so she had her mask around her chin and yes the whole time she was in here that was how she wore it. this is not about wearing a mask or not of if they do anything or not but I am just wondering why she went back out to get it if she wasn’t going to wear it. I stayed here till about 4:30 before going to get something to eat.

I decided to go to Cascade station as I wanted to go to the Ross Dress for Less and I figured I could do the Panda Express there. I got there and went into Ross and looked around, found a couple dresses but not in my size, I really envy smaller ladies. I walked over to the Panda Express and went in, there were 5 people a head of me so I had to wait and it was cold. They had their air conditioning going and it was actually colder inside then outside and it was only 64 degrees outside. I got my dinner and went and sat at a small table outside under the breeze way. Now as I sat and ate dinner it did rain and it turns out I was just under the cover as less then 10 feet away from me it was all wet from the rain. It was actually a cool way to eat and watch the rain.

I left here and normally I would go to the Starbucks near my house and work on my blog but again I didn’t want to go there with my different color hair. The reason is these places I always go to as Susan on a regular basis they only see me this way and it may sound silly but I am sure they think I am full time as they never see me any other way and I like that. Going with such a dramatic change in hair color may make them wonder.

I decided to go to the Starbucks on Mill lain as it is on my way home and yes, I have gone here before but not really regular so I doubt they would remember me. I got there just before 6 and went in. I got my drink and sat down to work on my blog from today. I only stayed here till a little after 7 before going home as I had some laundry to do before bed. I also sent out the information for our Monday night zoom meeting.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

I also booked my hotel for Diva Las Vegas next month. A lot more expensive this year as it is over Halloween. I will be there for 8 nights and that Friday and Saturday before Halloween is almost ½ of what my room will be. We will arrive on October 25th and leave November 2nd. Yes, I will have acrylic nails, I plan to stop on my way home Friday night October 22nd and get my nails and have them removed on November 3rd, I am so looking forward to this.

September 19, 2021 Posted by | Starbucks, Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Wednesday night Zoom meeting with my girlfriends

It is Wednesday and that means meeting my friends in a virtual meeting on Zoom, the best we can do right now. I got home from work about 4 today so I was early so I started getting ready right away and took my time, again going for a more well maybe not natural but daytime look. In other words, not as heavy on the eye makeup and a little lighter on the foundation although yes, I did go for a bright red lipstick. Once done I picked out my summer dress and I was ready. Now it was just a little after 5 and I needed to get dinner so I made a quick trip to McDonalds to get something to eat, not the same as going out to dinner with my friends but it will do for now. I got back home and ate dinner out on my deck as I waited for 7 and our meeting to start. After I ate I went back inside and got online and went to Zoom to check prices, the package I need is $14.99 per month but if you pay for a year it is $149.99 so you get 2 months free which really is not that bad. Now I am hoping we will only need this for a month or two so I went for the month to month one, of course there is a little sales tax on that but still just a little over $16 per month and that is less then what it would cost me for one dinner out with my friends so it is well worth it so no I have no time limit well I do but it is 24 hours so I don’t think that is an issue. Now I did remember to get some pictures tonight.

A couple minutes before 7 I started the meeting and a couple girls were already waiting. We actually had 9 again tonight. Julie, Melissa, Christie, Dawnie, Danika, Tina, April my self of course and Nicole who joined us late. she had no video as she was not able to transform into Nicole. It was not to catch up and find out what everyone was doing the past week of course we also talked about the shut down and when we thought we would be able to get together again. Some think it will be longer and some want it now and that is okay. I am ready for it now. My thoughts are simple, start easing things and those who feel it is safe or they are at a low risk and feel comfortable going out can and those who feel they are more at risk can still stay home. again, my political view. Clark County where I live is starting to open things up in the next week, Multnomah county is not but no matter where you live in Multnomah county you are only 30 minutes at most from Clark county and those who are ready or want to go out are just going to drive that 30 minutes. I do it all the time when we were having our Wednesday night dinners out, so they will come to Clark county and run just as big a risk of getting the virus as if Multnomah county opened and then they will go back to where they live. The risk to people in Multnomah County will be just as high but their businesses are still shut down and I guess it will help out the businesses in Clark county. I don’t see the benefit of one being shut down and one not, but I digress.

Well we talked a little while about a lot of things, Jennifer couldn’t make it and she really is at coming up with questions for the group to consider and last week Christie came up with a question and she did it again tonight. She wanted to know people’s thoughts on Hormones. Now as I said Transgender covers a wide range of people from your casual crossdresser to those who fully transition and of course our group has some of all which really makes our group wonderful. Now Hormones actually do a lot more then most people think. Some girls who are in the middle maybe leaning towards transition Hormones can really help even if they are not going to transition all the way and by that I mean the surgeries as you can fully transition and live completely as a female without having the surgeries. For some it helps with their mental look on life, as I said transgender covers a lot of people and some girls have what is called Gender dysphoria. It is about their brain being female in other words they think, feel and have a totally female outlook on life and Hormones can really help that and the depression that comes with that, something I didn’t understand really and just going on hormones for some girls is enough. Now our group has several girls that are on hormones right now and it was good to hear their thoughts on it. Now they may or may not have surgeries down the line and really that is for them to decide what is right for them, but it makes you think.

Now I am sure everybody in the transgender community has at least thought about hormones at one point even if just a brief second and that is natural as we are trying to figure this out. now again I have absolutely no desire to have surgeries and fully transition but I have over the years thought about hormones and what it would mean to me. Now from talking with the other girls I and fully confident I don’t have gender dysphoria so I don’t need it for that but there are other benefits to hormones. One I guess it gets rid of all your body hair, not facial though, too bad. They also soften you features by redistributing your body fat, in other words it will soften your facial features a little which I guess would be a plus as it is slow and over time. It also does the same things I guess for your hips and butt which would also be nice. The big plus for me and something I would love is it softens your skin and makes your facial pores smaller something I would really love. and of course, there is breast development and that can be maybe 1 cup size to very noticeable and I guess you start feeling and seeing it within 3 to 6 months. Now yes when I am Susan I would love all of these things and most of them when I am not Susan would be okay but having breast would be hard to hide in my male life especially in the summer or if I wanted to go swimming. I have talked with a few girls who went on hormones and have herd that in that 3 to 6 months before they came out they had to wear a tight sports bra to push their breast down so people wouldn’t notice and at some point even that didn’t work and in some cases they came out before they had planned because of it. Now the one big question for me is how it affects your mind and thoughts. I already know that girls with gender dysphoria this really helps their mental outlook, which is good, but it also makes me wonder what else it will do. Now being transgender has nothing to do with sexual preference as I have absolutely no interest in men, but would the hormones affect that part also. Again my thoughts and nothing against anyone who likes or are attracted to men but that is not something I want as I really do love woman, the soft skin, hair, makeup and when I am Susan I try my best to emulate what I find attractive. I don’t want to sound shallow of superficial but if a woman has her makeup done nice, pretty long nails, long hair and in a dress and heels she has my attention. So bottom line is yes, I do think about hormones especially when I am Susan but for me there is so many things to consider and for right now hormones are not something I would do for the reasons listed above but that is what is right for me. My last little note on this is if you want to do hormones please, please go though a doctor as there are risks.

Well we had a great meeting and it really was nice not having to have Jennifer set up another meeting and then me do it again just to keep going. It is easily worth the money. We kept talking till a little after 9 before girls started signing off, it was probably about 9:15 when I ended the meeting for the night.

Sorry I once again went long in my blog, but I found the talk about hormones interesting. Stay safe and keep a positive look on life. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

May 30, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, Thoughts on Crossdressing, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Friday night Susan time, and who I am

I got home a little early, so I decided to do a quick job dressing up, simple makeup and a dress and then paint my nails. That was the goal for the evening and then I got thinking about why I do this and who I am and thought would try and explain it in my blog, not that I need to explain, but I know some girls out there are struggling with this like I did for many year. Now this is my view only and how my life relates to me and in no way means every trans person feels this way. I tell girls who are just starting to go out to take the time to figure out who they are and how they feel and do not just assume how I or anyone else feels are correct for them.

So simply put to most people I am a crossdresser, a man who likes to wear woman’s clothes and that is true I guess but it is more then that. My personality is softer, gentler, more caring then what I would say the average male is. I like pretty things and colors, I like to look pretty and smell pretty and I am more comfortable in what most would call the feminine roll. I can get teary eyed in sad or emotional movies and I like to watch them, I like it when people think or tell me I look pretty. I like the long hair, jewelry, clothes and yes, the makeup and nails. Now some people get this confused with sexual preference and those are 2 completely different things and all I will say on that is how I present is mostly also what I am attracted to. I am not at all attracted to men, big, muscular, hairy men. Even for woman I am attracted to the softer feminine shape, even muscular woman I am not attracted to, nothing wrong with that just my preference. For me when I see a woman the first thing, I notice are their nails and makeup. If they have long pretty nails and makeup especially red lipstick, they are beautiful and nothing else matters, size, shape, age or nationality. Part of my dressing is to create what I find attractive, yes dresses, heels and long hair are also a plus.

Now on to me, so yes, I consider myself as transgender as it is way more then just the simple act of wearing something feminine or dressing up it is about presenting as a female and feeling feminine. Where I differ from some girl is I don’t feel my body is wrong or I should have been born female and the reason I feel this way as when I am my male self I don’t feel wrong or think about why I am not female. Now that may be overly simplistic, and I do not want to offend others who feel they need to transition as that is how they feel. I would like to say I understand how they feel and I can support them and try to understand but without these feelings myself I can never truly understand their feelings, I can only imagine how I would feel and I am sure that does not come close to the full feeling they have.

Now that being said there are some common things we share. As I said I hate hairy men and that goes for me also, I hate my body hair and I have done everything I can. Years ago I bought an epilator, actually I just got a new one as I wore my old one out and I use it on my body, started with just my legs and saw how well it worked and moved on to my arms, chest, stomach and lower back yes every place I could reach. The good thing is my legs the hair is so fine and sparse that you really cannot tell even if I go a few weeks and my arms and chest are getting that way also. Yes, if I could remove all my body hair easily I would, and I know there are ways but the cost and effort to me are just too high. I also got my ears pierced recently but there are a lot of men with pierced ears. I did for a while have short thin acrylic nails and I am sure people noticed but yes I will admit I really want to have long pretty nails all the time and if men would not be judged for this I would have them. I think about growing my hair out and don’t get me wrong having long pretty hair would be great but there is also something to be able to change the length, style and color of my hair as simply as putting on a wig so I am torn about the hair. Yes, I would love the softer smoother skin woman have and with hormones I could get that but there are also a lot of other things that come with the hormones I am not sure of or want. Now that is my normal life view.

Now when I am Susan yes I would love real breast, I would also love the narrower waist and wider hips that hormones would give me but what do I do when I am not Susan and sense I don’ want to live full time if I did this then when I am not Susan I would have to hide it in other words cross-dress back to a man. I would also love the smooth front (not having to tuck) but this is not about getting rid of that part of my body but hiding it. Yes when I am Susan I do wish I was completely female as that is the goal of what I am trying for when I dress and I know I will never completely achieve it as I am but that is okay with me. As I said it took me many years of struggling with this to understand who I am and how this fits in my life and there are some key people who helped me. Alice the first real friend I had and who helped me get out and feel comfortable the first few times I went out. Cassandra the girls who started our group and made weekly outings possible and helped us go beyond just going to LGBTQ bars and out into the real world. Peggy her wife who was the first non-trans person Susan got to know and who totally accepted me for who I am, we still go shopping occasionally. Julie who is so supportive and looks at things similar to how I do. Mellissa who is now living full time as Melissa and is out to everyone but still supports all trans people no matter where they fit in the spectrum, Jan and Lynn who are a great couple and Lynn is so supportive of Jan and the rest of us and there are so many more and I hope they don’t feel left out but these girls I have know for years and to say they are my best friends is not enough they really are more like family and that is the best blessing I have gotten from my journey.

Now no one knows for sure how anything will turn out or where our lives will be in the future. What I can say about myself is I will never transition, (have surgeries to change who I am). I do think occasionally about hormones but I really doubt I would take them if I even thought about it, it would probably be just short term just to soften and smooth my skin but I am not sure that is possible. Now later in life I am guessing I will spend more time as Susan, not full time but a greater amount of my time. I think a way to look at the difference is what if you won the lottery 100 million dollars what would you do. Most transsexuals Surgery would be close to the top if not the top thing. For me I would live more as Susan, and yes as I would not have to care what others thought or worry about a job I would have long pretty acrylic nails and I may look into electrolysis. Yes, I would probably come out to most everyone as I would spend most of my time as Susan and they would need to know but that would be it.

Simply put it took me a long time to get to this point in my life and to understand who Susan is and how she fits in my life and to accept her and be okay with who I am and it does have a lot to do with the people mentioned above. I have to say I have a pretty wonderful life right now because of being able to bring all parts of who I am together. I encourage all of you to find out for yourself who you are and how your life fits together. If that means therapy get it, talking to people do it, whatever it takes to be happy with yourself because only you can make your life happy and worth while. Be true to yourself.

These are my thoughts and how I feel only, and I am by no means an expert, but this is something I have wanted to write for a while. Now it is time to get ready for my Saturday as Susan. thanks for reding and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life

April 25, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, Thoughts on Crossdressing, why crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

My first time going out someplace as Susan

Okay last week I posted a blog from Starbucks’s about my journey to be who I am and I got some good feedback on that. I was hoping by sharing it might help others trying to get out for the first time. Now I remember the night really well as most of us do as it is such a pivotal point in our lives, I just can’t remember exactly when it was. I think it was in the late 90’s maybe 1998 or 1999 but the date is not important.

I stated off dressing just at home and then late-night drives and maybe Burger Kings drive through and once or twice if I was out late enough, past 2:30am when alcohol sales end I did hit a 7-11 to buy some milk just to see and that was so scary. I also rented a motel room a couple times for a weekend and went and got acrylic nails but again I spent the day either in the motel room or I went out as my male self and kept my hands in my pocket and then did late night drives and I made sure my nail appointment was the last of the night so the fewest people saw me. Now that was over, I was bound and determined to go out as Susan and be seen. I had herd of a place called Embers, it is closed now. It was bar with a dance floor in back and they did Drag shows a couple nights a week and I had herd other t-girls went there so it was perfect. Now as I don’t remember the actual date, I do know it was warm outside so I am thinking it was late spring or summer.

I got all dressed up on a Saturday night, did my makeup without the lipstick. Put my dress on and heels and then a big coat over it with my wig on the seat next to me I put on my sunglasses, pulled the visor down and opened my garage door and pulled out and I was on my way. I stopped at a park and took my coat off, put my hair on and did my lipstick in the rearview mirror. This was a lot of work and effort to get this far, the hard part was over or at least I thought. I drove downtown Portland and found Embers, they had a parking lot across the street but you had to pay and I just couldn’t bring myself to do that so I drove around a little and found a spot across the street about half a block up facing Embers and as it was almost 8 I didn’t have to pay to park. Now it was just walking about 200 feet to the corner, crossing the street and going in piece of cake right, no it is not.

There were people parking and walking on the sidewalks and coming and going not only from Embers but other businesses around. I sat in my car till it was clear and then I started to open the door and here came someone else. This went on and on and I sat there unable to get out of the car. I kept looking over and my goal was so close but yet so far and then finally a little after 9, more than an hour sitting in my car I gave up and drove home. I just couldn’t get out of the car. I was so scared and when I got home, I was so disappointed. All that effort to get out of the house and go out and this was how it ended but I told myself that was it. Next Saturday I was going to do it. All week long I thought about what went wrong and the fact I just didn’t know about all the people out so now I was prepared.

Next Saturday came and I went through all the work to go out just like last week and got downtown Portland and parked in almost the same spot. I was ready and then I saw the other people and the same fears came back and once again I sat in the car for a little over an hour before going home disappointed but with the resolve I would do it again next week and I would be successful. Next Saturday came and I went through all the work and got out again and this tie I was able to park a little closer so that would make the difference but again no it wouldn’t. I just couldn’t open the car door. Once again, a little over an hour and I once again was on my way home for the time in weeks but I was determined to do it next week

The following Saturday I once again went through all the work to go out and again I parked almost the same spot. I was going to make it but once again every time I thought it was clear and started to open my door, I saw someone else walking and closed it. I sat there for over an hour and couldn’t get out of the car. I kept going over and over in my mind why not, it was fear. It was about 9:15 and I once again had been sitting in my car for over an hour and once again I gave up. I started my car and was waiting for traffic to clear so I could pull out and wasn’t watching the people walking by when I herd someone tap on my car window. I turned and it was another T-girl so I rolled down the window and she smiled at me and asked if I was going in and if I wanted to walk in with her. I don’t know if she realized what this meant to me but she was like a gift from heaven and I said yes and with her help I got out of my car, scared to death and we walked in together.

Her name was Lori and though I only saw her once after tonight I will forever remember her and her kindness. We went inn and she stayed with me and introduced me to all the security people there and the bar staff. She was wonderful and made me feel so welcome and not alone. I told her my store I just shared with you and she told me how safe and accepting this place was and then she told me about several other places t-girls go and offered to take me so about 11:30pm we went out and got in her van and we drove over to CC Slaughters and went in and once again she introduced me to the staff. We also walked around the corner to fox and Hound and checked that out and then over to Habbo’s. then back in her van and over to another place I can’t remember the name and checked it out introducing me to the staff again. It was after 1 am now and we once again were back in her van and we drove several blocks to Pan a Rama to check that place out, they charge a cover but only on men so we got to go in for free. We stayed here till almost 3am before leaving. Back in her van and she drove me back to my car and told me she hoped to see me out again. I couldn’t thank her enough as it was probably the best night of my life. I was so excited and on such a high I could barely contain myself as I got in my car and drove home. I git home and went to my room and collapsed on the bed and I was out till morning. I woke up just as I was the night before still wearing the same dress and makeup.

I took a shower and cleaned up and had breakfast as I replayed the night before in my mind. It was so awesome and such a dream came true and then reality set in. I thought to myself, my god I got in a strange girl van I had just met and went off with her all over town. Even as my male self I would not have done that, it worked out well but it did scare me as I was so happy to meet someone like me that I dud let my guard down. Now don’t get me wrong Lori was an awesome person and an answer to my prayers but I did make a mental not to be more careful when I was out. Now it was several months before I went out again and I ran into Lori and thanked her again and I hope she knows what that night meant to me. But as I was only going out every few months that was the last time, I saw her. I often wonder what happened to her. she showed me a kindness I could never repay and so I try to help other girls trying to go out for the first time and if this store can help it is well worth the post.

A little long but I hope if you read it you got something out of it. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what I am up to now.

July 16, 2019 Posted by | Advice and tips, Out and about as Susan, Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Saturday night at the Escape.

It is Saturday night and as usual I will be going to the Escape. I posted on our website but only Jennifer posted she would be there so it may be a quiet night but that is okay. I got home around 4 my usual time and started getting ready, my hope is always to be there by 5:30 but it usually is 6 as it does take a little longer for Susan to get ready. Now don’t get me wrong as I can get ready in less then an hour but I like to take my time and enjoy it as I find something so peaceful and calming about transforming into Susan, it really is one of the most enjoyable things I do for myself. I was ready about 5:20 and on my way.

I got to the Escape a little before 6, there was lots of parking so I knew they were not busy. I did take time and get a quick selfie inn the car before I went in. now, I did wear my salmon colored dress which I don’t wear as often as it is a little tight and short but I wanted to wear my pinkish lipstick tonight and it just goes so well with this dress. I went inn and got my normal table and ordered dinner, my usual hamburger, and then got out my computer, yes, a normal Saturday night but I so look forward to it. I played on my computer a little while and then my food came.

Jennifer showed up about 6:30. It was great to see her again. She is one of our newer members and I this is either her 2nd time out or maybe 3rd but she is doing wonderful. I put away my computer and the two of us sat and talked which was wonderful. I really like this as I can get to know her better. I remember when I was first going out, I was so scared I had a whole life story made up for when people asked me questions, where I worked, lived, was from. It was a lot of work and hard to remember what you told people. It is way easier to just be honest and that sometimes means telling them you are not going to say and that is okay. I have learned that over my Susan years so my advice to those just starting out, don’t make things up, figure out what you are willing to share and not share and when someone asks you something then either tell them or say you don’t know them well enough to tell them and that is okay and for those of us out there respect that. This really is a secret life of most and they have the right to decide how much they want to share.

A little later another girl showed up so there were 3 of us there so far. Now a little later an older woman came over, probably 60 so I guess not that much older and wanted to talk to us. Now she said she was a nurse and wanted to know about transgender, she was also a little, well let’s say you could tell she had been drinking. As always, I am willing to talk to anyone who wants to know about me or transgender or at least my views on it as I by no means know everything. I just know how I feel and my views on it. So, we explained about how we felt and the fact we were not transitioning and she had a hard time with that and kept coming back to the fact we were transvestites. Now my thoughts and views on this word as I know some find it offensive and this is my views only. Transvestite and crossdresser are pretty much the same someone who dresses up in things the opposite sex wears. Now thanks to movies and TV transvestite has taken on more of the shall we say sexual component, in other words someone who dresses as a fetish or sexual pleasure but for older people it is the term they grew up with.

I tried to explain this to her but as I said she had been enjoying the evening drink. She also could not grasp or separate gender from sexual preference. And kept going back to being with or attracted to men no matter how many times we explained it to her. I knew the other girl was frustrated with this and it looked like Jennifer was a little uneasy about this and I was actually a little bothered by repeating it over and over again as she just couldn’t or wouldn’t accept what we were telling her. In her mind we wanted to be woman and have sex with men. I was very polite and did my best to convince her but I never did. She sat there and pretty much went over the same things with each of us for over an hour before she left. It really did get a little uncomfortable. So, my question is this, should I have cut her off when I realized she would not accept or understand and risk the chance of offending her as she could be viewing the 3 of us as the transgender community? How would you have handled it? I really hope this didn’t bother Jennifer too much.

Jan and Lynn also showed up and it was great to see them. I introduced Jennifer to them and they talked for a while. Jennifer is interested in the Esprit, it is a big Transgender event in Washington state (Port Angeles) and since I have never gone and had her talk with Jan who is on the board for the event. They talked for a while.

Lauri showed up a little before 10 and I can usually count on her being here so we had 6 of us tonight. I did get one more selfie for the night. Jennifer was the first to leave and I made it to about 11 before I called it a night. it was a fun night out with friends. Next Saturday we are planning on going to Harvey’s Comedy Club again as it has been a while and our favorite comedian Julie Scoggins is performing. We met her several years back and she is awesome, she has even gone out with the group a few times after the show. If you ever get a chance to see her you will love it.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new. Sorry this one took so long to post.

February 23, 2019 Posted by | Escape Bar & Grill, Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Thursday night at the nail salon

It is Thursday night and I am going to the nails salon for a pedicure and fill. Now I really don’t need one as both my toes and fingers look great still although my finger nails are getting a little long. This really is the one problem I have with getting my nails done with acrylic. I really could go 3 weeks between fills but they get pretty long by then at least for my male side. Even my pedicure held up well 6 weeks and no chips but it is all about timing. You see 4 weeks from today I will be back at Dream Nails for a pedicure and a full set of long acrylic nails for my trip to Diva Las Vegas. I got home and called Dream nails to get an appointment and Anna could get me in at 5 so I had about 1 ½ hours to get ready.

I took my time getting ready, I really like it more when I am not rushed. I know some people think it is strange to spend that much time getting ready just to go to the nail salon or a few hours at Starbuck’s and even I can’t explain it other than I enjoy it. Now I had my makeup done and still had time so I decided to wear my corset for the evening as I really do like the way it makes my waist look and really it is really comfortable other then in and out of the car and maybe a long drive in the car. I got to Dream nails just before 5 and went in, they were really slow tonight, only 1 lady getting a pedicure so Anna was ready to start. Of course, I had to pick a color for my toes, I went with a purple color this time.

Anna started on my nails and it is such a relaxing feeling to have someone do your nails. As she worked we talked a little. She asked if I wanted the deluxe pedicure tonight which I have done once before, as I said it was slow and Anna said it had been slow all week so I am sure they were looking for more services to do. I think it is that time of year as taxes are do in a couple weeks and also property taxes in a little over a month so people are probably a little tighter with their money. Any way I decided to go for the deluxe pedicure, $20 more but it is really relaxing. The main difference is they use a scented lotion and creams and even sent the water, I went with Lavender. They also put a cream on your leg and then wrap it in a hot towel for a while and also give your foot a paraffin wax treatment to soften your feet plus I think the message your legs and feet longer. Not something I would do all the time as it would get expensive but will probably do again in 4 weeks right before Diva Las Vegas and the same for the Cruise this fall.

As Anna did my nails another lady came in and she also got her nails done and was at the next table to me so we did talk a little about nails. It really is an enjoyable experience. I tell everyone you need to get a pedicure and acrylic nails at least once just to experience it and I got a feeling you will probably do it more often once you try it. Anna did a great job on my nails and soon they were just as pretty but a little shorter. Now it was time for my pedicure.

Kathy was once again doing my pedicure, Anna and Kathy always do a wonderful job as do all the people here and I have had several of them do my nails at one time or another. It is funny as I did come here a few times early on but I have been coming here every 2 to 3 weeks now for 2 years and I will have had acrylic nails now for 11 months although thinner than most woman and of course no pretty colors but they still look great. Now as I said I wore my corset today and sitting at the table getting my nails done was fine but sitting in the pedicure chair was not as comfortable, note to self when getting a pedicure, no corset. Kathy did a wonderful job on my feet and it was so relaxing, the deluxe pedicure is the way to go if you can. Normally it takes about an hour to get my fill and pedicure but it was closer to 1 ½ hours. Now partly because the deluxe pedicure takes longer but I have noticed that if they are busy then tend to rush a little more to get people through and this is just not Dream Nails but all nail salons I have gone to and I have talked to others and they say the same. If you do want to get your nails done my two tips, get an appointment and try to avoid really busy times. It was time for the polish and Kathy put the first coat on and as it dried it last all its shine, to say the least I was not happy at the color I had picked but I figured in 4 weeks I would change it. Kathy put a second coat on and the same and then the top coat. The top coat did put a nice shine on it and to my surprise it really looked great and really shiny, turns out it was a great choice. It was 6:30 when I left the Dream Nails

After my nail appointment went across the street to Starbuck’s as I had about 1 ½ hours till they closed and did some work and caught up on some e-mails. Some of the e-mails were questions I get asked from other transgender and non-transgender and probably the most asked is why I do this. There is no simple answer to this, I have talked with other crossdressers and there is no defining thing or moment in our lives we can point to and say this is it, this is why. We just do. Why do some people like chocolate and others don’t? why do some people like sports and others don’t? why do some men have facial hair and others don’t? why do some woman wear dresses, have long hair or nails and others don’t? In the end it comes down to personal preference and that is it. I am more comfortable this way even though when I am out I really am not thinking about how I am dressed. I really don’t know why, I do know that when I dress I do try to emulate what I find attractive in women. The other thing people think is I must be gay and from what I have learned most (75% or more) are straight males. Their dressing has nothing to do with their sexual attraction. As I said for me I try to emulate what I find attractive and for me that is the female body, shape, form, and look. Hair on a body, arms, chest is not at all attractive and I do everything I can to have a smooth clean body.

The other question is am I going to, or when will I transition an d the answer to that is I am not going to as that is not right for me. Now these are my thoughts and observations on these things and I am by no means an expert so remember that before you tell me I am wrong. Talking with both transsexuals and crossdressers there seems to be some common thing and things that are specific to just one. Both have a need to be feminine (or other sex depending on if you are MTF or FTM). The difference is about your body. Transsexuals need to physically be the other gender, they feel their body is wrong. Crossdressers need to present, be accepted as the other gender. From just looking at them you can’t tell as it is all about how they see themselves.

Now for me yes when I am Susan I would love to have real breast, hips, narrower shoulder, 5 to 7 inches shorter, no bulge between my legs but it is because of how it looks and how people see me, it is not about my body being wrong, it is the outward appearance. When I am not Susan I don’t think about it and is I did have real breast then I would be crossdressing the other way as when I was not Susan I would need to bind them down to hid them. Now I do know some crossdressers that have told me they would love to have breast and they would if they could but again there is that key words, love to have them not they their body is wrong or they are not truly who they are without them. It’s like saying I would love to have a million dollars and doing what I can to get it, verse having to have a million dollar to feel you are complete. The way I look at it is if I won 10 million dollars tomorrow how would my life change. For me I would dress as Susan most of the time, pierce my ears, have long acrylic nails and maybe even grow my hair out, surgery not something I would do. A transsexual the first thing on their list would be surgery. Now this is a simple way of looking at it and there is more to t than this but it is a good start and what I have learned.

Wow got a little off topic but that’s okay. Starbucks was a little slow tonight but a relaxing time while I gave the polish on my toes time to fully dry. After Starbucks I went through the drive thru and then home. It was a relaxing 4 hours.

Thanks for reading and be sure and see what’s new with Susan on my most recent blog.

March 18, 2018 Posted by | Manicure & pedicure, nail salon, Thoughts on Crossdressing, why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Friday night out

The end of the week is here and I was looking forward to Friday night, I have missed the last 2 Fridays do to other things so it would be good to be back and see some of my friends. I got home late almost 5:30 so it would be a rush to get ready. It was straight into the shower and then makeup and getting dressed. I was out the door at 6:20 and on my way.

I got to Sweet Home at 6:30 and Roxy and Chris were already there, Chris playing pool. I got out my computer and caught up on some things I needed to do, wow life is just really busy right now. I ordered dinner and while I waited talked with Chris & Roxy some. My dinner came and it was awesome as always, never had a bad meal here yet.

It was kind off quiet here tonight at least early on as it never really gets busy till it is time for Karaoke as that is what most people come for but it was nice as it gave us a chance to talk. It is funny as some of the girls I talk with it is all about where they are or go, some want to dance or see a show, play pool or sing karaoke. For me it is about being out and the people I am with. Just being able to go out as Susan and do I guess what you would call the day to day things, it makes me feel I am Susan and female when I am living this part of my life.

Susan is a part of me and helps make me the person I am and as such she should be able to fit in any part of my life and what I mean by that is all the things I would do as my male self. going grocery shopping or running to he store, putting gas in my car basically anything I would do as my male self I should also be able to do as Susan. Now I know as I have people who don’t know about Susan does limit that some but it limits who I do things with and not what I do and that is what I am talking about and what I need and want for Susan.

Over the years I use to look at Susan as this other side  of me a different person if you will and I guess she is but really she is more than that. She is a part of me an extension of me, she is always with me and helps shape who I am. When I talk with people, work with them or do things it does not matter if I am Susan or my male self as both are present and what you see and hear is them together making me the person I am. I guess what I am saying is I am happy with who I am and hat is a wonderful thing and I really have my wonderful friends to thank as they helped me find my true self.

Well it started to get busier as the night went on and soon the other group started to show up. They really are a fun group. Mareinna and Dawni were there and it is always great to see them. there are friends from the other group I really look forward to seeing even if we really don’t get to talk much. By now it was just Chris and I as Roxy had left. $ guys and a girl came over and talked with me, I have met the girl and 1 of the guys here before and I am terrible with names but the one guy I have met before is Curtis and one of the guys was Jeremy.

I had a good conversation with Jeremy and the young lady. they were both fascinated with the fact that I am not full time nor do I want to be and I can understand that. I really think it is easier for someone to understand someone who feel they are the opposite sex or were born in the wrong body. understanding someone who doesn’t want to change or be the other sex full time is hard. it took me years to understand I myself.

The best way I can explain it is this. if you look at Gender as a scale from 0 to 10, 0 being ultra feminine, 5 gender neutral and 10 a macho jerk most people will pick a number in the middle which really isn’t right. it really is a sliding scale. most females with fall in a range from 2 to 5 depending on what they are doing, first date, wedding day, going out dancing with friends, working in the yard, cleaning the house or watching sports on TV and the same go for men as they will act differently at a bar watching football with their buddies then on a date with their wives or girlfriends. we all have a range.

My range is just wider I fall between a 2 & 8 with my most comfortable place between a 4 and 5 so I guess I am just a little on the feminine side although I am good at hiding it as I usually act as a 6 when I am my male self. again I am not talking about my bodies sex or sexual preference I am talking about my emotional state and how I feel and view things. I like the softer and prettier clothes and shoes women have. I like the makeup and to look and feel pretty. it is funny how society views this. I love getting my nails done and yes if I could they would be long and red all the time and it comes with a cost. I go every 2 to 3 weeks now and et a manicure and every other time a pedicure and I am guessing I will spend $1,000 a year on my nails. I have asked many women why they get their nails done and I have gotten I enjoy it, it relaxes me, I like having my nails done or I like having pretty or long nails, what I have never herd is I do it because I am female. the same goes for me, I enjoy it, it relaxes me, I like having pretty nails. For some reason though people look at it as a man should not like these things because they are a man but women can either like or dislike getting their nails done.

People have this impression that being male means you only like certain things but trust me liking something has nothing to do with being male of female it just has to do with liking it. I need to have both Susan my female side and my male side in my life. it would be great if Susan could play a bigger part in my life but I also realize I need my male side as he does the things like yard work, cleaning the garage and cleaning the gutters to name a few and yes I know that sounds sexist but its not. Yes Susan could do all those things too but she would be worried about getting her clothes or herself dirty, breaking a nail or messing up her hair or makeup so she is happy to have a male side for these things. In some ways I really do have the best of both worlds. Someday Susan may play a bigger role in my life but the one thing I know for sure is there will always want and need my male side. I think the key to understanding me and others like me is to forget about what sex our body is and just look at us as a person and how we feel.

It was fun talking with them and I got to know them a little better, really wish I had got all their names but I am sure I will see them again. Karaoke started and it was fun. a lot of the songs sang tonight I knew and could sing along with. Chris left about 10:30 but I stayed a little while longer and listened to some more singing. it was a fun night and a great way to start the weekend. it was a little after 11 when I left.

Happy Memorial Day weekend, a weekend we celebrate to thank those who gave their lives for our freedom. I want to thank all the veterans for their service and although today it may not seem like your nation appreciates you we do.

We live in a great country with all kinds of freedoms including life liberty and the pursuit of happiness and of course freedom of speech. The fact I can be who I am be Susan is because of these freedoms. the hardest part for people is to recognize others freedom. what I mean by this is I have the right to be Susan but you also have the right not to like it and I accept that. You have the right to tell me I am wrong to live this way and I have the right to tell you that you are wrong and how I live my life is fine. What neither of us have he right to do is deny the other his right to speech. I bring his up because of all the protests we are seeing. I am not saying you have to support Trump or like him but he does have the right to speak and you need to support that right. protesting and trying to deny him that right is wrong and illegal. it is no different then if conservatives denied us the right to be who we are or speak about our views and before you attack me for this there is a different between speaking out against something or trying to change laws to how you believe and violence and trying to physically stop people. as sad as it sounds these people are criminals and that reflects on us as a groups as they say they are doing it on our behalf. So I am taking a stand and saying what they are doing is wrong and they should be arrested and do not support their actions.

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and if you see a veteran thank them or give them a hug.

 

May 28, 2016 Posted by | Sweethome, Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The week is over and time finally some time for Susan

Well another long and busy week on my male side and no time for Susan till tonight. It is funny the change that comes over me when I get time for Susan, a calming happy feeling. Now I am not saying I am not happy in my male life but there is something about being Susan that makes everything good. We all have that one or two things in our lives that we love to do and look forward and can’t wait till we can do it and it makes us so happy when we can, well for me that is being Susan. No matter what is going on in my life being Susan makes it better.

I started getting ready which always puts me in a good mood as I so love transforming myself to female. it is fun to try different looks with makeup. over the last year I have really been working on my eye makeup and I think I am getting pretty good at it and the look I like. I have also been working on my lips, it is amazing how the way you draw your lips in can have a subtle change in the way you look, fuller lips make a difference if done right. Last week I tried using 2 different colors of foundation, light and dark to contour my face and I think it does make a Susan Miller at Sweet Home 2-5-2016 (1)difference so I was going to do that again tonight. Like I said I love playing with makeup. I started with my moms lipstick when I was probably 5. I just loved it, I really never thought about dressing till I was probably 12 or so. It is a shame men can’t wear makeup as that would be so awesome.

I got to Sweethome just as it started to rain really hard. Now as a guy rain really doesn’t bother me but Susan does not like getting wet. I was lucky enough to get a parking spot not far from the door but it really was raining hard so I had to use my umbrella. Now comes the challenging part, Getting out of the car gracefully in a dress and heels while holding an umbrella and also a purse and computer bag. Not easy to do and yet most woman make it look so easy but than they have had years of practice. This is something I will have to work on.

I got into Sweethome and Chris was there playing pool as always. Now last Sunday Sweethome closed for the day to remodel so I was looking forward to seeing it. they did a nice job, new curtains and new paint and even new tables and chairs. it really does look nice inside. I was glad the old bar stools were gone as I ripped so many pairs of pantyhose on them I can’t count. The new stools were really nice and had backs on them. The tables were rectangle and narrow though and only 4 people can sit at them. A lot easier to talk to the people at the table but the old tables were octangle so we could fit 5 around it really easy and if needed we could squeeze in 2 or 3 more. I ordered dinner and got out my computer to catch up on some work.

Roxy showed up a little while later and shortly after her Rachael. Rachael has been getting out more over the last few months which is really nice as she is awesome, She is one of the friends I have known the longest that I still have contact with. I really do have some wonderful friend. Alice who I met probably in 1999 or 2000 and really helped me start going out, she doesn’t get to Portland much any more but we keep in touch through e-mail. Rachel I have known for since probably 2004 or 2005. Cassandra who I met in 2006 or 2007 and got me to join her Susan Miller at Sweet Home 2-5-2016 (3)Yahoo group which really changed my life, and all the wonderful people I have met since. It is funny as my best friends are friends of Susan and are more like family.

Rachael and I got to sit and talk which was nice. she just got back from a vacation and was telling me all about it and even had some pictures. It looks like she had a wonderful time and the pictures were awesome, I would love to go there sometime. I would love to do some traveling either as my male self or even as Susan, I think as Susan would be more fun though. These are a few selphies I took.

The other group that comes here started to show up for Karaoke and they are a fun group. I have actually become friends with several of them and look forward to seeing them on Fridays also and talking with them. I love my family in our group but there is something special about having friends from outside our group or the Transgender community. When you can do that you really start to feel you fit in and are no different from anyone else and I thank them for making me and my friends feel welcome. It was good to see them Angie, Heather, Mareinna and Dawni.

Susan Miller at Sweet Home 2-5-2016 (2)Now there was one guy here tonight who kept looking at me which always makes me wonder what they are thinking. well it turns out while I was taking a few of my selphies he got behind me in one, I didn’t even notice till I was looking at the picture. I am still not use to men paying attention to me.

Karaoke was going and Chris had sang once but it was getting late so Chris and Rachael both left just before 11. I was going to pay my bill and leave also but Dawni came over and we started talking which I enjoy. We have talked many times over the last year or so but tonight we really had a good conversation and I knew it would be as she started off with I hope I don’t offend you. I really think people want to ask honest question and know more about the Transgender communality but are too worried about being politically correct. I will tell you all the same thing I told her, You can not offend me with an honest sincere question. I may tell you I don’t want to answer a particular question but I will never be offended if you truly are interested and not trying to make fun of me or other transgender people so ask away.

We got into sexuality which transgender really has nothing to do with, How ones dresses or presents themselves is about ones self images and who they are on the inside not about who they want to date or have sex with. I myself am transgender in the fact I feel I am more feminine then male, I am more comfortable as a female then male. I would love to spend more time as Susan if I could maybe even live most of my life as Susan if money was not an issue. I do not feel my body is wrong though, I do not want to change it well maybe get rid of the hair on my face and body. I think that is how you know if you should transition or not. I always tell people if I did transition I would still be a crossdresser as there would be times I would crossdress back to male. now one of my funny stories, the guy in the above picture who photo bombed me came over and sat at my table across from me while I was talking to Dawni who was standing nest to me so I only saw him out of the corner of my eye. Any way I was talking with Dawni so I didn’t pay to much attention to him but he sat there for a few minutes looking right at me, Seemed a lot longer. finally he got up and almost fell as he walked away. Dawni and I carried on our conversation. I explained that I was straight only attracted to female. The way i explained this is although I have no problem with my male body there is also nothing I find attractive or appealing about the male body. I do not like body hair on anyone especially myself. I like soft skin and the feminine form. I think most crossdressers try to emulate what they find appealing about the opposite sex. Most men when they look at a woman the first thing the notice are their breast, butt and legs. me the first things I notice is their makeup especially lipstick and eyes and then their nails, then comes cloths, heels and hair. Now I am not saying a woman hast to wear makeup to be beautiful or heels or nails as I know many wonderful and beautiful woman don’t but it is what I find appealing and catches my eye first, that first impression if you will. Wow got a little off on that. Dawni and I talked a good 15 minutes and it was nice.

Susan Miller at Sweet Home 2-5-2016 (4)Well it was now a little after 11 and I was going to leave when Samantha walked in so I decided to stay a little longer. Now the same guy from the picture above came back over and stood right in front of use and stuck out his hand as if he wanted to shake my hand but he almost fell over again and stumbled away again. I could tell he wanted to talk to me and I am not sure what he was thinking, did he think I was female, was he gay and thought I was gay was he just to drunk to know the difference. I will never know but as I said I am not interested in men and still feel uncomfortable in these situations.

Samantha was playing pool and another man came over and introduced himself to me as Larry and started talking to me. He even offered to buy me a drink which I politely declined as one I was getting ready to go but also I did not want to give him the wrong impression. We talked for about 10 minutes and he told me about what he did for a living, where he lived and I could tell he was interested in me which again made me feel a little uneasy but I guess that is part of being a girl. He seemed really nice and then he want up and sighed up to sing karaoke before coming back to talk with me some more. He asked me what music I liked and if I like country music, he even said he was thinking of asking me to dance. well I am not a dancer and I really didn’t want to dance with a man so I again politely told him I was not a dancer. Again I don’t know if he was straight or not and what he thought about me. It is funny as I really would like to know in these situations if they are looking at me as a female or as a man dressed as a female. Well we talked a few more minutes before he went back to his friends.

I went and paid my bill and then said goodbye to my friends here before I left just before midnight. it was a fun and interesting evening though.

Thanks for reading and I know this was a little longer than normal so if you ready the whole thing wow thanks.

February 6, 2016 Posted by | Sweethome, Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Friday night, could be a quiet night

Well it has been a good week for Susan as I got out long enough for a manicure and pedicure on Tuesday and then again on Thursday for a short visit with my friend in the hospital and now Friday is here and I am going out again. now I wasn’t sure how many or even if any of our group would be out as I know Chris wont be at Sweethome tonight but I decided I would go anyway and at least have dinner. I really love my Susan time.

Okay I am going to take a little side track here as I have been getting a few people telling me I should transition and that I know I want to so I thought I would take up this topic and I want you all to know I did do a lot of thinking about this before I decided to put it in my blog. No I do not want to transition, I do not feel my body is wrong and I do not want to be a woman physically. now that being said do I think or wish I had breast, yes when I am Susan I would love to have real breast, wider hips, narrower waist, and while we are at it 6 inches shorter and smaller feet but this is just when I am Susan. when I am my male self I don’t wish for these things. I like my male side also and although the Susan side is stronger I need both so if I did transition full time I would still be a crossdresser as I would at times be crossdressing back to my male self which is strange to if you think about it.

Now yes if men could have long pretty nails I would do this all the time as I love them and yes if men could wear makeup I would probably do that all the time, if men could wear dresses and heels I would do that too but not all the time. there are parts of being Susan and being feminine I do wish I could do in my male life. now don’t get me wrong I love going out with my friends as they are a big part of my life and who I am, they have helped me become who I am but what I really miss is the for lack of a better word smaller things in life, the more routine normal day to day things. I think that is why I enjoyed spending time with my friend and his wife at the hospital. Why I love going and getting my nails done. the things woman do on their own or in small groups of one or two. To just be out as myself doing day to day things and being accepted. I have gone to many nails salons over the years and always been treated wonderful, Dream nails where I go now is awesome and they always treat me like I belong there. I do get a few looks from some of the other woman there but I have never had a bad experience or anyone treat me bad. I think it is more curiosity as they may never have seen someone like me but on occasion when I am sitting next to someone in the chair they will talk to me and that makes it all the better. I know they are not fooled by how I am dressed but when they can treat me like they would treat any other lady there then it is wonderful. s yes I would like to see Susan be an even bigger part of my life.

Now this year I can’t make it to Diva Las Vegas which is really sad as I do look forward to spending 12 days living full time as Susan and getting acrylic nails. On the other had this gives me a little over 2 weeks of vacation  have to use in the next 3 months and as I was saving most of it for Diva Las Vegas now I am thinking what else can I do. I will take a week in February and a week in March and I am thinking maybe of getting acrylic nails for one of those weeks and even if I don’t do that I will defiantly go to the nail salon and get them painted a pretty color and I will probably get the gel polish so they stay pretty the whole week, not sure if I will go any place though but it will be nice to have pretty nails.

Well back to tonight, I got all ready and was on my way by 6, I got there by 6:30 and parked and went in. it was a little busy but no one from my group was here. I sat at a table and got out my computer, went up to the bar and ordered dinner and caught up on some work while I waited. I was still not sure if any others would show up but I figured being Susan here and having dinner was better then being at home. Besides Sweethome has really good food. Now although no one from our group was here the other group that comes here was and I know several of them and a few of them came over and talked with me, Heather who is so sweet and awesome. she knows everyone and always has a hug for you and I think we all need more hugs. She came over and we talked for a while, Also Dawni and Mareinna (she was in boy mode tonight) came over and gave me hugs also. I really think this is the best part of being Susan, being feminine is that it is normal for woman to greet each other with a hug. You know this may be why woman live longer then men.

Well I decided to stay and see if any others showed up later so I finished up my work on my computer and then went into one of the chat rooms and chatted with a couple friends for a while. It was about 8:45 when I saw Robyn at the bar, she had just showed up. We sat together and she said Diane and a friend of hers name Jill were also going to be here tonight so that was nice. They both showed up around 10. I know Diane and it was good to see her again but I have never met Jill before and I really like meeting new people. Turns out Jill used to be in a band Called The Nasty Habits which is a Transgender rock band. She lives here by Portland now and she is in a new band also. how cool is that. It was nice to talk with her and get to know a little about her. It really was a fun night and it was 11:45 when I called it an evening.

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day and remember be who you are and don’t let others influence you into being someone you are not.

January 16, 2016 Posted by | Sweethome, Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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