Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Halloween Party 2011

Well I have been looking forward to this for weeks. Even with working out my costume the night before it still took me over an hour to do my makeup and get my costume on just the way I wanted. My costume is a dance hall girl, and yes there will be pictures included. I left my house at 4 pm which was interesting as they had an open house at the house across the street they are trying to sell so there was maybe 15 people walking around looking at it both inside and out but hey they didn’t know me at least not yet. I got to Cassandra and Peggy’s house at 5 pm as I had some food and wanted to help set up.

I walked in and Peggy was just coming down the stairs and we just looked at each other. We had both picked out dance hall girl costumes. The dresses were a little different but the hair feather, petticoats, fishnet stockings, garter belt & 4 inch heels were all the same. The funny part is when I picked out my costume they had two dresses that fit me, the one I picked and the other was pretty much the same as Peggy’s. We looked like sisters except I was the rather tall sister. There were only a few people there at this time and the decorations in the house were awesome, Peggy must have worked for days doing them. Soon people started to show up. This year there was a cover charge which really made since; Cassandra and Peggy spend a lot of their own money and time putting this party on. It was only $15 but for that you got all you could eat and drink and if needed you could crash on their floor and get breakfast in the morning so a very good value and I am sure it came nowhere close to what they spend. Just the prizes probably came to a couple hundred bucks.

Well before it got dark we all went outside and started to take some pictures. This is Victoria and me; I like this picture because it is the only one that shows my legs. I wore fishnets for the first time and a garter belt. I just thought it was a great picture and Victoria looked so cute in her costume. Victoria really looks good in Green. There were so many pictures being taken, even Diane had her camera and she took a tone of pictures so I hope she will post them at some point to the group and I will maybe add them to the post later. All my pictures can be seen on my web page and my face book page but I have picked out 3 to include in my blog.

There was also Karaoke again this year. Morgan one of our members did the Karaoke and did an awesome job and yes I did sing one song, Mama Mia. What can I say I like ABBA. Not sure I would ever sing in a public setting but here in this small setting it was fun. There were several girls that did a great job singing.

Jennifer and her wife made it to the party which was great as I have only e-mailed her. I think she said this was only her third time out. It was great to meet her and get to talk with her. Jennifer’s wife is so nice and supportive of her which is great. I hope they can both come out with the group. She had a cute costume and it was nice to get a picture with someone taller than me.

Rachel and her boyfriend came again this year, their costumes were great, and they were both ballerina’s Rachel the black swan and her boyfriend the white swan. They were awesome. Last year their costumes were Star Trek. Rachel made both their costumes and did a great job.

Rachael Miller and her wife came to the party for a little bit. I have known Rachael for many years so it was great to see her and to finally meet her wife. I got to talk to both of them for a while which was nice. Rachael’s wife had a great costume.

Kim, one of Peggy’s friends was also there and had this amazing sexy costume, she was a dead hoe. I had to get a picture with her. She was voted the sexiest costume at the party. She has gone out with the group several times and is always so nice. We had a chance to talk for a while which was nice, would like to have talked to her more. Hopefully she will come out more with the group.

The party was awesome and I think they tried to get a count but haven’t heard the final numbers but would guess 60 to 70 as some came and went so not everyone was there all at the same time. And there were so many great costumes.

There was so much food and drink even though all I drink is pop but at one point they ran out of ice so Peggy asked me to drive her to the store to get more. I was only too happy to as it gave me a chance to go out to the store in my costume plus Peggy had the same costume so us two dance hall girls got in my car and went to the grocery store. It was fun even though they were not that busy and there was no one else in costumes. On the way out as we were getting to my car we got a couple cat calls from a guy and girl getting out of their car.

The party was so much fun and I want to thank Peggy and Cassandra for such a wonderful party and opening up their house again this year for the best Halloween party in town. You two are awesome and I am so lucky to call you friends.

October 30, 2011 Posted by | halloween, T-girl | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Halloween Costume

Well I picked up my Halloween costume today after work and spent all evening trying different looks, makeup and wigs to find the best look. I think I did about 12 different looks before I found the one I like the best. I am all ready for the party tomorrow night. It was a good idea to try this tonight as I spent probably 4 hours working out the right look. Now tomorrow I will be able to get ready in a reasonable amount of time.

I am so looking forward to the Party with all my friends. It will be such fun. I plan on stopping at the grocery store on the way to the party to pick up a veggie and fruit tray for the party. I like to bring something and also gives me the chance to go out in public in my costume. I plan on taking lots of pictures so I can post them.

You can read about the last two Halloweens and the parties I went to in my blog, 2010 & 2009.

Hope everyone has an awesome weekend and if you go to Halloween parties have fun and take lots of pictures.

October 28, 2011 Posted by | halloween | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Finally out again at Starbucks.

Well it has been two weeks since I have had a chance to be Susan and I was ready. It is amazing how much I miss this part of my life when I don’t have the chance to express this side of me.

Well Diva Las Vegas have set the dates for 2012, it will be Sunday, April 22 thru Friday, April 27 2012. I am already looking forward to it. It is such a fun event, I would encourage you all to check it out and think about going. I am working hard to talk some of my friends here in the group to go so we could have our own little group of girls at Diva Las Vegas.

Well as I said I have been very busy but now things are settling down and should be able to get back to my one midweek and Friday nights out with my friends. Funny as I could go out tomorrow, Friday night but none of the group is going out as they all plan on being out Saturday for the big Halloween Party Cassandra and Peggy are putting on. They do such an awesome job and are so wonderful to open there home for this each year. We get some T-girls that never go out to show up. The last 2 years I think they have had between 80 and a 100 there, not all at the same time. One has to wonder what their neighbors think, even if it is to dark to tell we are T-girls they have to wonder why 80 to 95 women show up and only 3 or 4 men. Either way they must think it is an interesting party.

I have a cute costume that I rented for Saturday, I will pick up tomorrow so I may just try it on and do a couple different makeup looks Friday night to see what looks best for the party. It will give me something to do and some Susan time although it would be at home but after 2 weeks of no Susan that is okay.

I am looking forward to seeing all the great costumes. They have prizes for the costume and other thing. I think they are even having Karaoke again this year. I may sing again this year. I did last year and that is no small feat as I don’t drink so I sing cold sober. It is fun and maybe someday I can work up the courage to do Karaoke in a public setting.

Anyway Starbucks a little quiet now compared to when I got here. There were lots of people here and made for good people watching something Susan likes to do. Now there are very few people in here.

Wow there is a lady I use to work with about 10 years ago ordering coffee at the counter. We were good friends for a few years till she moved away to Atlanta. We lost touch and I had no idea she had moved back. She has her back to me so I think I am safe. She is now sitting by the doors on her cell phone now and there are two police officers now at the counter getting coffee. Wow they are getting busy here again. I hope she leaves before they close as I don’t want to have to walk out the same time she does.

Well I need to get to my e-mail now so will close now, plan on stopping at the grocery store on my way home and doing some shopping. Then home to bed. Wow lots of people coming in now there are about 6 people in line. I guess everyone wants something before they close. Okay she just got up and left. She was only here for about 10 minutes and didn’t seem to notice me. Well a fun night. Thanks for reading.

October 27, 2011 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

My weekly outing at Starbuck’s

Well I am out at Starbuck’s again. It was a busy day and almost didn’t make it but as it will be over a week before I can get out again I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. I actually got her a little before 7 tonight. When I got inside the girl at the counter remembered what I drink which is nice as she has not been here as long or at least I have not seen her many times before. I paid for my drink and went to set up my computer at the table and she called that my drink was ready. Seem she had seen me coming in and had already started my drink.

Not a lot of people here yet maybe 8 others including a group of ladies that seem to be here the last several times I have been here. There is a guy in the back on his computer and he is using Skype. Either he has a bad connection or Skype doesn’t work very well as he is almost yelling, I am a good 20 feet away and I can hear him as clear as if he was sitting right next to me. I wonder if he realizes how loud he is talking and that everyone can hear his side of the conversation.

Well I have everything for my Halloween costume now; I actually picked up one more item today for it. I am glad I am all done as the next week and a half will be very busy and that is one less thing I have to think about. I am so looking forward to the party as it will be fun and there should be a lot of people there. It is always fun to see everyone dressed up and all the cute costumes. It is funny when I think back just a couple years Halloween was all about going out as Susan, which was my costume. Now for the last 3 years I have had to have a female costume as Susan has become more of a normal thing going out. I have a cute costume; probably won’t win the costume contest but it will still be a lot of fun. I plan on stopping at the grocery store on my way to pick up some things to take to the party. Really the only reason is so I can be out in my costume for people to see. I will of course get lots of pictures. you can read about Halloween 2010 and 2009 in my blog.

I will miss the next two Fridays with my friends which is hard as I so look forward to that time out with them.

Well need to get some work done. Thanks for reading and have a great week.

October 13, 2011 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dinner out with friends

Well tonight Susan went out for dinner with some friends. A while back I got together with Peggy for dinner and we had a great time and talked about doing it again so tonight was the night. We were both able to make it tonight and even Cassandra was able to make it so we decided to have dinner at Who Song & Larry’s, they have good food and the two times I have been there as Susan I was treated awesome. It is also pretty close to where I live so easy for me to get there, little farther for Peggy & Cassandra. We were going to meet there at 6:30 so I left my house a little after 6 and was there 15 minutes later. We had perfect timing as I was just getting ready to get out of my car when Cassandra and Peggy arrived.

They also brought Kathy which was a wonderful surprise as it has been quite a while since I have seen her as she does not get out much, she is Mandie’s wife. Mandie had to work tonight so she joined us. Who Song and Larry’s was a little busy as tonight was Taco Tuesday, .99 cent tacos and happy hour goes till 10. We got a table right in the main room next to the taco bar were you go and they make your taco fresh to order and then you put what you want on it.

They have wonderful chips and salsa to snack on which I could almost make a meal just on that. We sat around and talked for a while before we ate which was nice, just 4 ladies enjoying a little conversation. The staff was awesome as every time they came to check on us they always referred to us as ladies. We got a couple looks but they were brief and then they went back to whatever they were doing and paid us no more attention.

We talked about everything and even Diva Las Vegas this next year. I am definitely planning on going again. Cassandra is also planning on going and Peggy should have some vacation time so she also wants to go. We are trying to talk Kathy into going and bringing Mandie. There are also several other girls in the group who have said they want to go so it could be we might have 6 to 8 of us going next year. That would be such a blast.

It was a really enjoyable evening and our waitress was awesome and would stop and chat with us a little, even the girl making the tacos came over a few times and talked with us. It started when we asked what the cheese was they had. It was a Mexican cheese and that led to Cassandra and Kathy trying to speak Spanish to her which was interesting in itself. My Spanish is very small, a few numbers and a couple words at best. Cassandra even asked about bring some of the group and our waitress said it would be fine just call ahead and they would make sure there was a big table for us. That would be so fun if we could get a Tuesday night dinner group to go there once or twice a month. Good food, great price on Tuesday and awesome staff working there.

Well the time flew by; I think we left a little after 8:30. It did not seem like we had been there 2 hours. It was a fun night, and I hope we can do this again soon. Well it was time to pay our bills; our waitress brought us all separate checks so I got to use my Susan credit card. I left a good tip for the awesome service and we all through some money in the tip jar for the girl cooking the tacos as she also was so nice.

As we left there was a guy outside looking for someone with jumper cables and he asked us, but neither of us had cables. Then he asked what the occasion was and we all just smiled and said it was taco Tuesday. He smiled and said that worked for him and wished us a good night. We said our goodbyes and off we went. It was an awesome night and so glad that Cassandra, Peggy and Kathy could join me for dinner, you girls rock.

Well I plan on going to Starbucks Thursday night and then it will be at least a week before I get out again. This is a busy month but I have my Halloween costume taken care of so I am good.

Thanks for stopping by and reading.


October 11, 2011 Posted by | Out and about as Susan | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Halloween costume

Well yesterday morning I went out looking for costume ideas for Halloween. I hit a few different shops but I found a great costume. I ended up at Greenleaf costumes in Hillsboro Oregon. They have a huge selection of costumes and they both sell and rent them. Well this year I am renting a costume this year. I will pick it up Friday before the party.

The party is going to be so much fun this year. Big thanks to Cassandra and Peggy for hosting it once again.

October 9, 2011 Posted by | halloween | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why do we crossdress or do anything for that matter.

I was reading another blog the other day and in the blog she had wrote about searching for crossdressing blogs and then when you get to the blog finding out it hasn’t been updated in some cases for years and how frustrating that was to her. This got me thinking why we do what we do the things we do. To me it came down to three things, it is either a routine, a need or a want. And this goes pretty much for whatever we do in life. In the case of the blog it all depends on why one starts a blog and what their goal is with it.

It can be hard to come up with fresh ideas to write about so if that was your goal for your blog well you may not have things to say. When this happens to me I always go back to why I started my blog in the first place. my blog is for me, not that I don’t want or like others reading it I really do and I love the feedback and comments I get, but the goal of my blog was really an online diary of my time as Susan for me to keep track of my time out, places I went and people I have met. Now I will be the first to admit that a lot of my posts are pretty similar, after all how much can one write about going to Starbuck’s once a week, but it fits with my reason for the blog? If I only posted new things and wonderful insight into crossdressing and gender issues I would have very few posts.

Let’s start with doing things because of routines. This can be good or bad as most things are. You have to look at the things you are doing and see if  your doing it because of routine is good or bad. In the morning I have the same routine, get up eat breakfast, shower, shave, brush my teeth moisturize my face (very important as it keeps me young looking), get dressed and leave. The good point of this is doing it the same way I never forget something and really don’t have to think about it which is good in the morning when you are still sleepy. I also have a routine for how I do my makeup and become Susan; these are good routines to have. I also have a routine of going out Friday nights with my friends. This is something I really look. The bad part of this routine is when I miss a Friday night I am sad as it throws my whole week off as my friends are such an important part of my life.

Now let’s talk need. We all need things in life, food, money, clothes (in my cased male and female clothes), and place to live. I also have a need to be Susan as she is part of me part of who I am. I could no easier give Susan up than I could any of the other things listed above. This is something a lot of people don’t understand. Who we are is made up of everything about us. My views on life, stress, the way I interact with people, the way I treat others is all based on who I am inside and that is both male and female. Now for comparison let’s look at athletes, take a runner for example. I have several friends who run all the time; you could almost call it a religious thing for them. It is part of their routine, on the days they don’t run they are distracted and don’t focus. It is funny as some days just from how the act I can tell they didn’t get their morning run in. they also have a need to run, after all why would anyone get up an hour early every day and go out running in the cold, wet snowy weather. Their need shapes who they are just like my crossdressing. The need can be mental or physical. For me I sleep way better the nights after I have crossrdessed as I am so relaxed. The longer I go without crossdressing the more I think about it which is distracting as I don’t focus on things I need to do, also at night when I try to go to sleep I am thinking about crossdressing and when, if I will get to dress again which makes it hard to clear my mind and get a good night sleep.

Now let’s talk want. For me I want to crossdress, I like it, it is fun and I enjoy it. No one does things they don’t want to for very long. Being Susan is part of my life’s routine, Susan is a need I have but she is also something I want for my life. Again runners want to run, they like it, they like the way it feels and makes them feel. Let’s talk smoking now, I don’t smoke so the only information I have is friends who do and it is funny because as bad as smoking is for you it fits into these three categories too. I have asked some of them why they smoke and guess what it is a habit something they just do without thinking (routine). There is an addiction to the chemicals in the cigarettes (need). In most cases they like smoking, then look, feel, or feeling they get from it (want). Now like anything the only way to stop is removing one or all three of these things. My friends that have quit smoking successfully the key was they wanted to quit. Stopping anything because someone else want you to or tells you to will not work the only way you can stop something is if it is what you want.

I like being Susan, it doesn’t harm anyone, and it really doesn’t affect anyone else. It is something I do for myself. I love having pretty painted toe nails. I love the styles of clothes woman get to wear and also the shoes. I love makeup from the putting it on and doing different looks to just wearing it. I love long hair but as a guy for work I can’t have my hair long. I don’t want to be a woman full time and would never want to physically change my body but yes I would dress this way more if I had the chance. If it suddenly became accepted for men to have long pretty nails I would be the first in line to get acrylic nails and they would be painted and pretty all the time. If guys could wear dresses and no one would think twice about it I would wear dresses and skirts most days as I think they look better and are more comfortable to me. It is all just personal choice. I am sure there are a number of woman out there (I dated one for awhile) that hate dresses, and heel. Why it is okay for a woman to hate dresses and heels and no one wonders about them but if a guy likes these same thing they think he is strange.

Personal freedom and choice is what this country is all about. We are made up of different religions, races, beliefs and yet we all accept these things about each other but boy let a guy put on a dress or makeup and the world will end. I just don’t understand it. Now I am not saying you have to like the same things I do or even do the things I do. Just please accept me for me and not how I look or dress.

The last thing is a question for all of you who might read this. If one of your best friends or a family member suddenly told you they were a crossdresser, how would it affect your friendship or relationship with them? Now before you answer I know there will be an effect and it will change a little but would it end your friendship or could you stay friends with them?

October 8, 2011 Posted by | Advice and tips, why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Rainy Thursday night out at Starbucks.

Well it has been another long week and this is the first chance I have had to get out or dress as Susan. The next few weeks my Susan time will be very limited. I had hoped things would slow down by now and allow me more time for Susan. Well even a little Susan time is better than no Susan time.

Diva Las Vegas has posted the pictures from the last Diva Las Vegas so if you want to see them just check out their web page. They should also announce the dates for spring of 2012 in the next few weeks if you are thinking of going next year. It is a lot of fun.

Well I got to Starbucks a little earlier this week which was nice as there were only 6 other people here taking up 2 tables so I had my choice of places to sit. It didn’t take long for them to get busy and by 7:30 all the tables were full. I think everyone else thought the same as me; cold night is a good night to go and get something warm to drink. It really does make it nice for people watching when it is busy. I saved some work to do for tonight. Funny how work is so much more fun and enjoyable when I am sitting in Starbucks as Susan then at home as my male self.

I will miss the next 3 Friday nights out which is sad as I really enjoy spending time with my friends. Next week I am hoping to make it out twice midweek. Once to Starbucks and once for dinner with a couple friends from the group if we can find a night that works for us. I think it would be so fun to do dinners once a month in a smaller group, 2 to 5 at a time. This would give you a good chance to talk and get to know each other better. I also think it might be easier and draw less attention than 20 to 30 of us dropping in someplace. Would also be fun to maybe do a movie night every once in a while with a small group. Will have to see if I can get this going.

I tried one of my new eye shadows I bought last Friday, they are both more neutral tones one a brown and one a little wine color which is the one I wore tonight. I really like them and they will be perfect for day time as they do not stand out as much. Most of my makeup has always been more for night time as for so long Susan only went out at night.

Well I plan on stopping at the grocery store again on my way home as I need food; I just think it is more fun to shop as Susan. It is strange how normal everyday things just seem more fun for me when I am Susan.

Well Fia stopped in tonight at Starbucks in boy mode; she is a T-girl I have met a few times at the P-club. She doesn’t get out much on Fridays and we have talked about meeting at Starbucks to chat. Funny when she first came up to me I didn’t know who she was and it wasn’t till she told me her name and I got a close look at her that I knew. Her wife knows and accepts it within reason so she only gets out a couple times a week. She only stayed a few minutes but maybe next week she can get out dressed and join me so we can talk more.

Well Halloween is getting close and I still have no costume or even an idea. I am planning on going out Saturday morning and looking for a costume as I am once again going to a party at Cassandra and Peggy’s house. They have done a party the last 2 years and they are always awesome. I think they had 75 to 80 people there both years. They are so awesome for opening their home for a party. If anyone has ideas of cute female costume ideas please let me know as I can use any help.

Thanks for reading and have a great week.

October 6, 2011 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Spent all Friday as Susan

Well on my way home from Starbucks I made a quick stop at Kohl’s and looked around for a bit as I wanted to stay out a little longer as Susan. Didn’t find anything to buy but it was all about being out. When I left Kohl’s I realized today was the last of the month and I had some work I had to get done before the end of the day. The good part was it is done online so you guessed it I stopped at another Starbucks to do my work. It took me about 3 hours but as I was Susan it was almost fun. I got home a little after 6 and had a text from Cassandra that they were going to be at the P-Club by 7 so I quickly redid my makeup and off I went again.

I got to the P-Club right at 7 and Chris, Cristine, Bobby and Norma were already there. I ordered dinner as I was hungry plus I knew it would be a short night for me anyway. Cassandra and Wilma showed up about 7:30, seem there was a wreck and they got caught up in traffic.

We had a new t-girl show up Bob he came in boy mode, seems he met Amy and she told him about our group so he came to check it out. Funny thing Amy couldn’t make it but he showed by himself anyway to meet the group. He seems really nice and he likes to play pool so he will fit right in.

Diane also made it; she is in town from North Carolina. She is so much fun, Wilma and I played Diane and Victoria in shuffle board. It was a really close game but in the end Diane and Victoria won by 1 point.

BreeAnn also showed up, she lives in LA. I met her two years ago when Cassandra, Peggy and I went to Diva Las Vegas. We stopped in LA on the way down and back and went out to the Oxwood in Van Nuys. It was nice to see her again

Sophia, Lorna and Monica also showed up a little after 9 so I got to talk with them for a bit before I had to leave. Sophia and Lorna are coming out every other Friday so I will get to see them more and even Monica is getting out more with the group

Dee also showed up. I think I have met her before but not sure. Either way it was nice to talk to her and get to know a little about her.

We had a good turnout probably 20 T-Girls showed up which was good as the P-Club was really slow. At one point it was just our group. By about 9 they started to get a little busier. It was an awesome night even if I had to leave by 9:30 I was glad I went. I wish I could have stayed later but Susan had to be up early Saturday for work. I will miss the next 3 Fridays which will be hard so I my try to join them for dinner on Wednesday night in 2 weeks. This coming week my schedule is really messed up; the only chance I might have to get out is Thursday night.

Pictures from Diva Las Vegas 2011 have been posted on their page check them out.

Thanks for reading and have a great week.

October 1, 2011 Posted by | P-Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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