Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Sunday and some Susan time

Well it is the last Sunday of August, wow this year is flying by, and I get to spend the day as Susan. again no real plans other then a little Starbuck’s time. I was talking with one of the girls the other night and we could both remember dressing and being at home and I can do that but I really don’t like to. If I am going to be Susan I want to go someplace and I think that is from all the years when my only option was to be Susan at home. Yes, I go to Starbucks a lot but I look at it this way I can sit at home and work on my computer or I can do it from Starbucks and that is way better as I am out and can be seen but I can also people watch which is fun. I started getting ready at noon as I wanted to really enjoy my day. I was all ready by 1:30 and grabbed my computer and off I went. My plan was to go to the Starbucks in Orchards and I chose this one just in case I have time later tonight I can stop by the Starbucks by my house before going home, really don’t want to go to the same one twice in one day.

I parked and went in, there was one family in here at a table, 2 adults and 4 kids. I ordered my drink and set up my computer and worked on my blog from yesterday. Yes, my goal this week is to not get behind on my blogs. Now this Starbucks has a drive through but it still amazed me how many people come inside to order drinks to go, I think it is because it can be faster then going through the drive through, I do this sometimes at fast food places. Now as I sat here 3 young girls came in, guessing 14 to 16 years old and ordered drinks and sat at the table across from me, by the way one of them had really long red acrylic nails which caught my attention. They no more then got their drinks and a few more came in and they pulled tables together and before I knew it there were 9 young girls at the next table talking and none of them paid any attention to me. I finished my blog and just goofed of on my computer till about 3.

It was a nice day so I decided to go and put flowers on my mom and dad’s graves and that would mean a stop at Fred Meyers on the way. I drove to the Fred Meyers at Johnson Creek and went in and bought some flowers, they were not that busy today. From here it was just a short drive to the cemetery. It was a little before 4 when I got there and parked. There were a couple other cars here and people out putting flowers on graves. I walked out and placed the flowers yes; I seem to come here more as Susan then my male self and I think it is because I never got to share this side of myself with my parents when they were alive. A couple walked near me; I think they were looking for a grave but they seemed to pay no attention to me. I stayed here till almost 4:30 before getting a couple pictures and leaving. On the drive home I was thinking what I could do as I didn’t want to go home yet and I was kind of hungry as I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. I didn’t want fast food as I have been eating to much of that again. I decided to stop at IHOP by the mall. I have gone here several times as Susan but it is also where I use to take my mom to eat after I took her out to put flowers on my dad’s grave. My mom and dad use to come here a couple times a month for breakfast so there is a family connection of sorts.

I got to IHOP about 4:50 and there were only a few cars in the parking lot so they didn’t look busy. I parked and went in. inside a young lady came over and asked how many so I said just 1 and she said it would be about 10 minutes and asked for my name which I gave her. now I don’t know if they were short staffed or had closed down tables because of the mask mandate but I had to wait which was the first time I have had to do this. I sat down on the bench and a couple minutes later a family of 5 came in and put their name on the list, then an older couple, 2 young people, and I found myself sitting in the lobby waiting with a bunch of people and more were coming in. I guess I timed it just right, now I only waited about 10 minutes but by the tine my table was ready there were 6 groups behind me and some were standing outside, I kind of felt bad taking up a table all by myself. The waitress came over and I ordered my usual, yes, I tend to have favorites at the places we go and always seem to order the same thing. The funny thing is it was only a couple dollars more to have a sit-down meal here then to get fast food of course I have to tip here so that does make it more but a much better dinner and experience. It was 5:50 when I paid my bill and left.

Now the Starbucks by my house is open till 7:30 so I can have about 1 ½ hours there before going home for the night. I got to the Starbucks a little after 6 and went in, one of the ladies cleaning the tables greeted me by name which made me feel good. There were only a few people inside so I had no problem getting a table. I got my drink and started working on todays blog. I posted to our group about our Monday night Zoom meeting to remind them and e-mailed Julie, Jennifer and Melissa to see if they had any thoughts on where we can do Wednesday night dinner this week, I may just pick a place I like. I stayed here till 7:30 when they closed before going home for the night. It was a relaxing and fun day as Susan.

I got home and did a quick load of laundry, yes, I probably should have stayed home and done that today but I can do it tomorrow night while we have our zoom meeting. I also watched TV till about 10pm before I went up and washed Susan away for the night and went to bed. Yes, I have been spending a little more time as Susan the last few months, Saturday and Sunday and Monday evening and Wednesday evening but I think it is a good balance

Stay safe and be happy and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

August 30, 2021 Posted by | family, Starbucks | , , , , , | 1 Comment

Saturday and some Susan time

Well it is a beautiful Saturday and I will spend the afternoon as Susan, I really have no plans for the day other than catching up on my blogs. Now I did need to run to Home Depot and get some fertilizer for my yard but my hope was to be home by noon and get ready for my day as Susan. I took my shower and as I stood there, I decided to do just a little eye shadow and some mascara, later today I would do my smokey eye look with the dark browns so I went light although I did do a goldish brown on the inside part of my eye and a light highlighter to my brow with a darker shade on the outside that would be easy to darken up later today. It was noticeable if you looked closely at my eyes, I also added some waterproof mascara and yes, I did go a little more heavily on this. I also tried something different instead of lining my eyes above my lash line I went under it but only on the top which made my lashes pop a little. a little more than I planned on but you had to be close to me and looking straight on to see it and with my eyes open it really wasn’t that noticeable and I figured with having to wear face masks again it would help hide me.

I got to Home Depot at Cascade station and parked and looked in the mirror and wow in natural light it was noticeable, I guess the lighting in my bathroom is not that good for makeup. I went in the garden center and got my fertilizer and was quickly out. now as I was putting it in my trunk, I noticed I had my computer in there as I got my oil changed last night and took my computer while I waited so I decided to stop at the Starbucks here and finish up my blog from Monday’s zoom meeting. Now they were really busy but I went in with my mask and ordered my drink but had a wait to get it from all the online orders. Well as I stood there a lady next to me struck up a conversation with me so we chatted as we waited and yes, we were only a few feet apart and she was looking me right in the face but never said a word about my eye makeup. now this was about 11:30am. I was here about 45 minutes before heading for home to start my day as Susan.

I got home and cleaned up and started on my makeup darkening my eye shadow, foundation, a little more mascara, doing my eyebrows and lips, blush, highlighter and a little shadow below my eyes and liner on my lower lashes. I was really happy with the look and thought it was a perfect daytime look, well the lips might be a little much. Now I had parked in the driveway so I walked out my front door to my car. It was about 2:30 so I figured I would go downtown Vancouver to the Starbuck’s there as I can get a drink and then walk around do as they do a farmers market on Saturday. I parked just down from Starbucks and went in to get a drink and as I go here so much, I had a free drink today so I got a large Kiwi Starfruit refresher which is really good and then walked down the street to the event. Now there were a lot of people here today as the weather was perfect right about 80 out. I spent about 45 minutes walking around and yes, I did see 3 different people I know but I just avoided them. It was about 3:45 when I got back to my car so I figured I would get my computer out and sit at an outside table art Starbucks and finish my drink and play on my computer. There was an older couple sitting at the next table outside and the lady looked at me and said wow that looks like a refreshing drink so I told her what it was and how good it is and she thanked me for the tip. The only bad thing about this drink is it is really sweet so I would go a smaller size. Now I couldn’t get connected to the internet and as I tried a few different times Cassandra texted me to see if I was going to the Escape tonight which I hadn’t planned on doing. I texted her back telling her that but also said I was out and if she wanted to go there, I would meet her. she is going with another girl so we are meeting there around 7. Now with no internet and my battery at 40% I decided to leave and go to the Starbucks at Cascade Station as it is only a few minutes from the Escape and I can plug my computer in and work on today’s blog.

I got there about 4:45 and went in and as I did, I was thinking about being here earlier. Now they were busy and as I stood in line, I noticed 3 of the girls working were also here earlier including the one who took my order, she was the same one who took my order this morning. She gave no indication she remembered me. I got my drink and sat down and worked on my blog from Wednesday night’s dinner and posted it and then just played on my computer. I sat inside till about 5:30 before moving outside as my computer was almost fully charged. I stayed here till about 6:30 before heading over to the Escape for the evening.

I got to the Escape about 6:40 and had to park on the street, probably because I got here later then I normally do. I went in and Cassandra, Jan and Lynn were already there so I ordered dinner and sat down and joined them. It was great to see them again and to see Cassandra out again. We talked for a little bit as we enjoyed dinner. Now Karaoke starts at 7:30 so it got a little loud so a little harder to talk. I did play a couple games of pool which I have not done in over 2 years. I lost the first and won the second, I won’t go into details but both games were bad.

Michelle from up north showed up and she brought a friend named Brianne who is a member of the Emerald City group in Seattle. It was nice to see her again and meet Brianne. We pulled another table over so they could join us as all the tables here are now just for 4 people. Just before 8 our last girl showed up so we had 7 of us here tonight. When we were at our table, we could take the mask off but if we got up, we had to put them on and that went for playing pool. It was a fun night and although I hadn’t planned on going here, I was glad I did. With the mask mandate I probably won’t go here every week but will try to stop in now and then. Cassandra left first around 10 followed by Jan & Lynn, I made it till about 10:40 before I called it a night. It was a great day out for Susan. now I am looking forward to Sunday and some Susan time again. This coming week we will have our Monday night Zoom meeting, Wednesday night dinner and next weekend is a 3-day weekend for me and although I usually spend Saturday, Sunday and Monday evening as Susan not having to work on Monday, I am really thinking about getting a manicure on my way home Friday night and getting red polish for the weekend.

Stay safe and be happy and please keep our service men and women in your prays along with any of our American citizens trapped in Afghanistan.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

August 29, 2021 Posted by | Escape Bar & Grill, Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Well it is Wednesday and I am going to dinner.

It is Wednesday and I am going to go to dinner with my friends. Now I wasn’t sure I would as I had to work a little late today and I have to be in really early tomorrow as in 5am so I didn’t set up dinner tonight as I couldn’t be sure I could be there by 7 and I can’t stay out late and a few of the other girls who sometimes set dinners up are out of town. Well Cassandra texted me yesterday to see about dinner so she posted that she would be at Who song and Larry’s on the Vancouver waterfront tonight for dinner and Barb posted back she would also be there. Now this got me thinking as this is less then 15 minutes from my house so I should be able to make it and quick to get home so I posted I would also be there. Now there wasn’t a lot of traffic coming home so I was doing good. and got home just before 5pm.

I got ready taking extra care on my makeup as I wanted to look good. I was all ready by 6:15 and on my way. Now Claire had contacted me to see if there was a dinner so I passed this along and she said she would be there so there would be 4 of us. I got to Who Song & Larry’s at 6:30 and as I pulled into the parking lot Lynn was getting out of her car so we walked in together and she said Jan was on her way so we would have 6 of us tonight which was pretty good as Cassandra didn’t post about it till Tuesday evening. I got our name on the list for a table and the lady said it would be about 10 minutes so we stood in the lobby with our masks on, not as much fun. A lady standing next to me complimented me on my earrings which really are cute, yes, I love having pierced ears and I now have about 15 pairs which is a lot when you figure I only get to be Susan 4 times a week so if I alternate each time, it will take me 4 weeks to wear them all of course I do have my favorites that I tend to wear a little more. Let me know what you think of these earrings?

Cassandra walked in just as our table was ready so we went and sat down and waited to Jan, Barb & Claire to show up. Which they did just a little after 7. Now we were seated in the main room tonight which was nice as most people wanted to sit outside which would be fun but by the end of the evening might be a little chilly. Now they brought the tortilla chips and fresh salsa and as I am not a fan of salsa but love their bean dip, I ordered one of those and Lynn ordered some guacamole. Now I could make a meal just out of their tortilla chips and bean dip. We ordered dinner and had a wonderful time. now we have been coming here for many years and probably is the oldest place we still go as the others have closed. I think the first time we came here was around Christmas in 2010, we have always had great service and again tonight was no exception, our waiter was great and the hostess stopped by to check on us as did another man who I think might have been the manager.

Our food came and it was awesome and yes, I did have trouble eating it all after all the chips and dip I ate. We had a lovely dinner and great conversation and yes, we talked a little about the places we have gone over the years and a lot of them are no longer open and some of the members we have had that no longer come out. the member thing is hard as a lot of the girls you only know by their female name and when they stop coming out you have no idea why and no way to find out. we also talked a little about the P-club which goes way back. I won’t go into all the details but we were kicked out for being transgender and the State of Oregon took the owner to court and 11 of us testified and were awarded damages. We have collected a little over the years but not much and it has been over 2 years so Cassandra is going to contact our attorney just to see what the status is. I doubt we will ever get what we were awarded but it is enough to know they take a little money from him every time he gets some so he hast to think about us.

We stayed here till about 8:45 before calling it a night, now it is always sad to see the night end but I do have to be up by 4am tomorrow for work and still need to go home and wash Susan away and get to bed so this week I was okay with it being a little earlier. As we left every employee, we passed either thanked us for coming in or encouraged us to come back and as I said they were not that busy tonight so I am sure they were glad we were there.

It was just after 9 when I got home and I quickly washed my makeup off and off to bed I went and now I am thinking about this weekend and Saturday and Sunday as Susan and of course the following weekend which is Labor Day and I have a 3-day weekend and am thinking of getting a manicure with some red polish for the weekend.

Stay safe and be happy, thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

August 28, 2021 Posted by | Dinner out, who song & larry | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Monday zoom meeting and another new girl joins

Well it is another Monday and another chance to get together with my friends online for a few hours. I got home from work and started getting ready as I won’t be able to be Susan till the weekend as I have to work late on Wednesday and go in really early on Thursday. I took my time getting ready as I wanted to look good but also it relaxes me. I went for the red look, red lipstick and a red dress. I was already by 6pm so I had an hour before the meeting starts so I caught up on some e-mails and finished my blog from Saturday and posted it.

It was just before 7 when I started the meeting and only had to wait a minute or 2 before girls started logging on. Tonight we had 12 of us, Danielle, Jenifer, Danika, Christa, Emily, Jan & Lynn, Jeannie, Nicole, Sherri and me. Now tonight was Sherri’s first official time with the group, she was actually at our last Wednesday night dinner as her male self and stopped by our table to say hi and get to know us a little. actually this was probably her first real time being visible, her wife has seen pictures and maybe on 1 or 2 occasions actually seen her dressed but the first time she has allowed anyone else to see her so it was a big step for her. I really love when we get new girls as it is so nice to see them starting to express this side of themselves and build confidence plus it takes me back when I was first trying to get the courage to leave my house. It is always nice to look back and see how far you have come, one of the reasons I keep this blog going.

Now when we first start out, we are trying to learn how to be female, act female, look, dress, do makeup and everything that goes along with this side of us. The problem is we are totally on our own. Think about it, young girls have their mom, sister, friends to help them but we are so in the closet and on our own we really have to struggle with this. I look back on some of my early pictures and think wow what was I thinking and remember for me this was before cell phones and digital cameras. I actually had to take a picture then take the film in to be developed and wait a few days and pay for them before I could see them and yes who know who looked at them.

Well we let Sherri talk a little and tell us about her and her journey and in a lot of ways it was similar to mine and the rest of us, really the big difference is how long it took for each of us to finally get the courage to accept ourselves. Remember a lot of us started before there was an internet so trying to find information on this meant going to a library and trying to find a book (not many) or new article. It wasn’t till my late teens before I even heard the term crossdresser, up to that point everything I found was about being gay or a transexual (someone who was confused abut who they were and thought they should be the opposite sex). Today with the internet and information at your fingertips it is way easier. Well Sherri is really nice and will be a good addition to our group. Our group really is wonderful and we range from the very part time crossdresser still hiding in the homes to those who have fully transitioned and living full time as their true self.

We talked a little more and had a fun time. Now it was time for Jennifer’s question of the night and it is just for discussion so if you don’t want to answer it that is fine. The question was about guilt and have we or do we have guilt about this side of us. Now some of the girls made the distinction between guilt and shame and yes there is a difference but for me it was pretty much the same. For them it was guilt about hiding it from their family or partner and shame about their actual dressing. I looked at it as it was my shame that led to my guilt.

I realized early in life that a boy who liked to be pretty and dress like a girl was somehow different and not something people accepted so I always hid this side of myself. I was ashamed I did this and wanted so bad for these feelings to go away as I was sure I was the only one in the world who felt this way. Every time I would use my mom’s lipstick the guilt came back. One I was sneaking around and doing it behind my parents back and couldn’t tell them how I felt. I don’t know what was worse at this age the hiding from my parents for fear of what they would think or say or the fact I didn’t feel I could be honest with them, a lot for a kid and this was when I was 5 to 10 years old. As I got older the feelings didn’t go away and again, I really couldn’t find any information on this. I had friends in school but never really got t close to them for fear they would find out about my secret. In high school I avoided parties as I was afraid of drinking for fear, I might say something, I saw some of the stupid things my friends did and said when they were drinking as you really do let your guard down and speak without thinking. I always say my high school had no gay or lesbian kids and certainly no transgender but it was just back then you had to hide it. when I went to my 20-year reunion 2 of the really popular girls every boy wanted to date showed up together, they were a couple now living together. Things have really changed over the years. Now I always say I have no intention of transitioning which I don’t as I am happy with who I am but in the back of my mind I often wonder if things had been like they are now back then and I was able to express this side of me openly from a young age would things be different and by that, I mean had I been able to live as a girl in school and it be totally accepted would I have taken it farther. Would I have done hormones and what impact would that have had on me. I do believe we are who we are but I also realize we are influenced by things around us.

Well it was about 9 when girls started to sign off and soon it was just Danielle and me and we talked a little more and yes, we did talk about mask mandates and vaccines and we have a little different view on them but that is okay. I am going to get a little political now so feel free to skip over the red text part. I do not support the mask mandate on vaccinated people as the risk to them is so low I can’t justify the giving up of personal freedom. On the vaccine I support it and feel people should get it especially if they are in a high-risk group but I also recognize their personal freedom not to get it, “Their body their choice and the fact that medical decisions should be left between them and their doctor”. I also feel if you have already had the virus, you have better immunity than the vaccine and should not take it just like the fact if you are under 20 the risk of the virus is so low, I don’t think you need it unless you have health issues. I am totally against the government or any business forcing someone to get the vaccine, we live in a free country or at least we use to. I also am against having to show if you are vaccinated or not to do things, this is not how a free country works. The biggest issue is the hiding of information both by the government, news media and big tech. Anything against the vaccine or against what the government is doing is shut down which is also not how a free society works. Now I believe for the most part the vaccine is safe and people should use it but I also realize that any medicine has some kind of side effect and is higher for some people then others. Any medicine or vaccine you see on TV or hear on the radio talks about these and gives warning for those who should not take them and tells you to check with your doctor first but the Covid vaccine this is blocked and hidden. I have both my shots right now but I am not going to get a 3rd shot till they are truthful with the people and let them have all the information so they can make an informed decision.

Well it was almost 10pm well at east here, I think it was around noon in Thailand where Danielle lives so we decided to sign off as I needed to get to bed. It was a good night. now I am looking forward to the weekend as I am not sure I will make it out on Wednesday.

Stay safe and be happy and accept other peoples differences including their beliefs and views.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

August 28, 2021 Posted by | zoom | , , , , | Leave a comment

Saturday and a day of Susan

Well it is Saturday and I get some Susan time. Now normally I take care of things in the morning and spend the afternoon & evening as Susan but tomorrow I am going Golfing with Julie, Cassandra and another girl but in boy mode so when I got up this morning, I wanted a little more time today. Now I do have a 9am zoom meeting with people who know nothing of Susan but I can keep my video off for that so not a problem so when I got up, I decided to start getting ready. Now time was short and I wanted to take my time and enjoy myself getting ready so before the meeting I just had time to do my eye makeup, brows, eye shadow, liner and mascara the rest I would finish after the meeting yes, I went for a more dramatic eye look today. The meeting only lasted 45 minutes and with the hardest part of my makeup done it didn’t take long to finish my foundation, contouring and lips and I was ready by 11:20 so now what to do with the day. I am behind on my blogs again and so I decided to go to Starbuck and write my Monday night blog, do my weekly shopping and later in the day go back to Starbucks and write my blog from Wednesday nights dinner at Southland Whiskey Kitchen but I wanted a full day.

I decided to start at the Starbuck’s in Orchards as that is close to the Fred Meyers I want to go to. I got my computer and was off and got to the Starbucks a little after 11:30. Now this Starbucks has a drive through so they generally are not that busy inside but that was not the case today. When I pulled up there was a family of 4 at one of the outside tables, 3 women at another one and 2 still open and I thought it might be a little cool to sit outside as it was only 69 out but no wind. I went inside to order my drink and there were people at 6 of the tables inside and a couple people either ordering or waiting for drinks. I got in line and one of the ladies behind the counter greeted me by name, which was nice, I have come here before but not as often as the one by my house. I ordered a hot chocolate and as I stood there waiting a young girl probably 12 to 15 years old said hi to me so I said hi back, well she came closer and asked me where I got my bracelet which caught me off guard as it is a really basic style and not very fancy so I told her Charming Charlies which is where I think I got it but I have had it for several years so wasn’t 100% sure. Well we talked a little till she got her drinks. She went outside and joined her friend at the 3rd table. Now as I waited for my hot chocolate, I realized it was actually colder inside with their air conditioning going then outside so I decided to go to the table outside between the 3 ladies and the 2 young girls of which one I had been talking to. It actually was pretty nice sitting outside.

I wrote my blog from last Mondays Zoom meeting and posted it online and just had a relaxing time. after about 30 minutes the 3 ladies next to me left which opened that table for a while. A little while later a man on a motorcycle arrived and got a drink and sat down at the table next to me and a few minutes later another man on a motorcycle showed up and joined him so all the tables were full again. The family left and then the 2 young girls did the girls both said by to me. Then the 2 men left and I was all alone outside, yes, I did get a picture. My battery was at half so I decided to go inside for a little while and charge it back up for my next stop. It was about 2 when I left here. I grew up not far from here so I decided to drive by my old house from High school before going to the store to do shopping.

I drove to my old house and it was disappointing, this was a brand-new neighborhood when we moved into it 45 years ago and now it is run down, the yards are all overgrown and just look bad, all the houses. I almost wished I hadn’t drove by but now the funny thing. Across the street and 2 houses down there was a garage sale, something Susan has never done and being as I moved away from here 35 years ago, I decided to stop and check it out. there were only 2 other people looking at stuff plus the couple doing the sale but still fun and they seemed to pay no attention to me and of course I didn’t know them. I was only here less then 10 minutes but still fun. As I walked back to my car, I looked across the street to the house next to the one I grew up in and the man out front was my old neighbor, in high school I used to hang out with his one son as we were he same age and I actually went out on a date with his daughter a few times in high school, she was a year younger than me. Now I new he would never recognize me as I have probably only seen him 2 or 3 times in the last 35 years but still was interesting.

I went to Fred Meyers and did my weekly grocery shopping which really doesn’t take long, actually would be easier to just do it during the week on my way home but it does give me something to do as Susan. I finished my shopping and drove home and just parked in the driveway and took my groceries inside and out them away. It was about 4:30 now so I decided to go to the Starbucks by my house for a while and work on my blog from Wednesday nights dinner at Southland Whiskey Kitchen, of course I wont post that one till tomorrow morning. I got to the Starbucks and they were also busy, 4 small groups outside, 3 small groups inside and one big table with 8 woman and 2 men at it.

I went up to place my order and the one lady said she would be right with me so as I stood there and waited the other lady making drinks said, “Hi Susan are you getting your Kiwi Starfruit refresher today? I can get it started.” I smiled and said I just wanted a sweetened green iced tea and she said it would be right up. I paid for my drink and it was just a few moments later my drink was ready. I went and sat down at a table between 2 men and set up my computer and worked on my blog. Now I kind of lost track of the time and before I new it, it was about 7pm and I still hadn’t eaten dinner yet so I packed up my computer to leave. As I was walking out the lady who made my drink was sitting with a young man and as I walked by she wished me a good night by name which always makes me feel good. Now as it was so late I just made a quick trip though McDonalds drive through before going home for the night, it was a good day and now I am looing forward to Monday night.

Stay safe and be happy with who you are. Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

August 23, 2021 Posted by | Starbucks, Susan Time | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wednesday night dinner at Southland Whiskey Kitchen

Well it is another Wednesday night and we are having dinner at Southland Whiskey Kitchen tonight. We have 4 for sure and 2 maybes and also our new member possibly. Our newest member who join this past weekend is actually in town and she is very nervous as she has never been out which is understandable, I remember my first time trying to go out. any way she e-mailed me and she made reservations for 7 at Southland Whiskey kitchen also with a friend and wanted to know if she could stop by our table and say hi, of course she will be in male mode so I e-mailed back she was more then welcome to do that but also, they could join us if she wanted but I haven’t heard back.

I got home at 4:45 and started getting ready as I want to be to Julies house by 6 so we have a little time to talk before we have to leave for dinner as I so enjoy talking with her. now the key to getting ready fast is to know exactly how you want your makeup to look and what outfit you are going to wear so today at work I was figuring this out. I was all ready a little after 5:30 and on my way to Julie’s house. I got to her house right at 6 and went in and she was just finishing getting ready so we had a little time to sit and visit. We left about 6:20 as it takes about 20 minutes to get to Southland Whiskey kitchen and I wanted to have just a little time incase parking was an issue which it wasn’t, last couple times here I have gotten lucky and found a spot with in 2 blocks without having to drive around.

Now there were a lot of people on the street so I was thinking we should have made reservations but when we walked in, they were not busy at all. I told the lady we would have 6 even though 2 were not 100% so she put 2 tables together so we actually could have 8 so I kind of hoped our new member Sherri would join us. Well by 7 the 4 of us were there and by 7:15 we had 5 which would be it for tonight. It was Julie and me, Barb, Claire and Karen. Well we talked for a little bit and Claire asked me about my lipstick as she loved the color so we talked about it. Tonight I am wearing Maybelline superstay lip ink in the shade Founder. Yes, I love the Maybelline lipstick. I wear either this or their 24-hour suprestay 2 step if you want the shiny look. Both last really well as I will have to use a cotton ball with baby oil to remove this lipstick. Now I really have 4 shades I really like depending on my mood so yes tonight is the shade Founder which is a deep wine color as you can see from my pictures. I also like the shade Ruler which is more of a brick red color which I think is better for daytime. If I want that bold red lip, I love the shade Pioneer which really is my favorite. Another pretty daytime is the shade Lover which is more of a pinkish red. The links will take you to the blogs where I am wearing these shades. Yes, if you don’t know I love makeup and talking about makeup.

Our waitress came and took our order and of course I got my usual, yes, I am a creature of habit as I know what I like and tend to order the same thing when we go out. well we all talked as we waited for our food; it was just a nice relaxing time with friends. Our food came and it was good as always, yes this is a good place to go and if you like whiskey they have a huge selection and Wednesday nights they have specials on all their whiskeys which some of our girls like. Now during dinner I was looking around to see if Sherri was there but then as I have only seen 1 picture of her as her female self it would be hard to recognize her in male mode so if she was here, I would just have to home she came over.

It was about 8:30 when we finished dinner and paid our bills, we were still talking when a man and young lady walked by and stopped and introduced themselves, yes it was Sherri and her friend Tracy. Sherri lives in a small community in Eastern Oregon and was in Portland for business. Tracy is her friend who works at MAC at Clackamas town center, they met when Sherri and her wife were shopping there and Sherri actually asked her to match her for foundation and they hit it off so Tracy came wither tonight for moral support. Well we invited them to sit down and join us and then we spent almost an hour just sitting there and talking and getting to know her. she seem really nice and we encouraged her to come out. Now Sherri is tall even for a male at least 6′ 8″ so yes Jan would no longer be our groups tallest member but looking at her picture you would never know yes camera angles can do wonders. I get comments on my blog all the time saying I never take a bad picture, thanks by the way bit the truth is I only post the good ones. There are a lot that are not good and those get deleted fast, I love digital pictures for this reason. It was such a wonderful evening and Sherri was awesome and so was her friend Tracy, of course Tracy invited us all to come see her at MAC if we needed anything and yes, I do like MAC Studio fix foundation as it holds up the best over time but for short outings I like the Covergirl full coverage foundations which is what o wore tonight. It was 9:30 when we finally left and went outside. We all said our goodbyes and I offered Claire a ride home as she walked here tonight as she only lives about 16 blocks away and we pretty much go by her place on the way home.

The 3 of us walked to my car and we talked as we drove to Claire’s place. It was so nice. I dropped her off and then it was off to Julie’s to drop her off. It is such a fun night and so much better having Julie ride with me, of course she is more like family then a friend. Some of these girls in the group are my best friends and yes really more like part of my family and I feel so close to them. Julie and I did get a picture together at the table tonight which is just so cute. Such a wonderful night. now I am looking forward to Saturday and some Susan time, not sure about Sunday as Julie, Cassandra me and another girl are going golfing but in male mode so not sure if I will get any Susan time Sunday.

Stay safe and be happy and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

August 22, 2021 Posted by | Dinner out | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Monday night Zoom meeting

It is Monday and I get to spend a fun evening online with my friends and I have a good question for tonight. I got home and had time before the meeting so I took my time getting ready. this is my me time, my relaxing time, doing my makeup is so good for me as it relieves all my stress. I tell people this all the time find something you enjoy and find time to do it. I did a less dramatic eye look but went with my pinkish lipstick, still trying to decide if it is a good color for me as in some pictures it looks good others not to sure about. I dd go with my long blonde hair though and I thought it was a good look for the night. I was already a little after 6 so I still had plenty of time. I posted my blog from Saturday and started working on my blog from Sunday as I am once again behind on my blogs.

It was just before 7 when I started the meeting and yes girls were waiting. Now tonight was a smaller group as we only had 8 of us, Jennifer, Jan & Lynn, Melissa, Nicole, Emily, Danielle and me. I had hopes one of our new girls Sherri would join us as she just joined our group over the weekend but she didn’t. We took a little time and caught up on how everyone was doing and then I decided it was time for my question and it really wasn’t a group question but more one for Melissa. Now today at work one of my co-workers was talking to me, I have worked with her for several years including a few years back when I had my short acrylic nails for over a year. Any way she told me her son came out to her over the weekend as Transgender, so I guess now her daughter. Any way she was telling me about it and how her ex-husband is having a hard time with it and she was looking for information and a therapist but wasn’t having any luck. Well we talked for a bit and I did think briefly about telling her about myself but chickened out but I did tell her I had a friend who had transitioned 1 ½ years ago and asked her if she would like me to find out who her therapist is and she said that would be wonderful. So that was my question for Melissa tonight. Well Melissa was wonderful. She not only quickly I might ad e-mailed me who her therapist was but also several links to information that helped her come out so I will share that with you all, they may be more for the Portland Area. Thanks Melissa.

The PFLAG Our Trans Loved Ones publication:

PFLAG Portland is a support group for families of LGBT+ people. This was useful for my mom.

Maybe try calling the Qcenter

The way I found my therapist was here. You can adjust for location:

Brave Space is another popular place to find support and resources:

Pod cast on trans mom raising her trans daughter

KUOW – How to Be a Girl

Anyhow, that is a good start, I think.


We actually talked about this and my co-worker and if I thought she talked to me about this because she thinks I am transgender or knows about my dressing and to tell you the truth I don’t know. I did get my ears pierced 1 ½ years ago and she was one of the ladies who noticed, and when I did have my acrylic nails a few years back she did notice that also and even now I really do have nice nails for a man. I have been working on them keeping them a square and just a little long and of course using OPI nail envy which is a wonderful nail hardener if you want to grow your own nails out. they do have a matte finish one I was using but last time I needed it they were out so I got the regular one which is shiny as you can see from this picture. Any way it would not be out of the question if her or others were at least wondering. As I have said before I am not coming out to people but I am also not hiding.

Well we all talked some more and then it was time for Jennifer’s group question of the night, where do we get our fashion sense and what is it? now this is a really good question and I am sure we all went through several types including sexy or trashy depending on your view. Even those who transition later in life usually at least try these looks and I think it is we missed it growing up. Females grow up this way and experience all of it and in some way, we have to grow through all of it also. I love the sexy dresses young women wear and I even have a few but what I have learned over time is one they don’t look right on older woman and 2 you really need the proper body shape for these looks and even a lot of women can’t pull off these looks let alone me so these are more for fun around the house. Same with heels, I love high heels but again being 6-foot bare foot heels do make me stand out even more. The average height for woman is between 5’6″ and 5’7″ so heels get them close to the average height for a man 5’11” to 6′. Even tall woman are about the same as the average male. I have learned that if I am going out and want to blend in, I have to wear flats or very low heels. Same goes for makeup and yes, I probably do a little more then the average woman my age but I have to hide a lot and shape my face. So although I love those things and looks, I have been trying to tone down my look.

For me as you all know I love to go to Starbucks as Susan for a few hours, well one of the great things about this is I get a good chance to people watch and I get a good cross section of people from high school to retired people and yes, all kinds of dress, I have even seen on occasion women come into Starbucks looking like they were getting ready for a fashion shoot or a prom although that is a small section of the people. I have used this to gage what I should be wearing and how I should look and I have found that leggings, capri’s and skinny jeans seem to be the most common look so that is where I have been focusing and yes, some wear skirts so that is also an option. Yes, I love the fun looks but when I am going out, I am trying to blend in more unless it is to the Escape on a Saturday night or we have a big group going out to dinner, face it if you have 4 or more transgender people in one group you will stick out no matter how good you all look.

The point I am trying to make if you are going out and want to blend see what other women are wearing at the places you want to go. That beings said also realize you are going to stick out at least some, none of us pass 100% of the time. I even work with a lady who is really tall and she sometimes gets misgendered or people think she is transgender. If you are going out know this but be positive and act as though it is perfectly normal and smile and 99% of people will be okay with it, yes you will get some looks but who cares. When I go out, I am sure I get looks and people notice but I have never really had a problem and for the most part no one really pays any attention to me. People have busy lives and they are more concerned about their own life then yours and what you look like or how you are dressed.

Well it was about 8:30 tonight when some of the girls started to log off and by 9 it was just Jan, Lynn and me and as I had to go to work early tomorrow, we closed the meeting down for the night. now I am looking forward to Wednesday nights dinner and the weekend when I will get to be Susan on Saturday.

Stay safe and be happy with who you are and live your life. Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

August 21, 2021 Posted by | zoom | , , , , , | 1 Comment

Relaxing Sunday as Susan

Well it is Sunday and I get some relaxing time as Susan today. It was a little after noon that I started getting ready. now I had nor real plans for today other then I need to do some laundry. Now the other night I was talking with one of girls and that is one thing about being Susan I don’t like and that is getting dirty or sweaty so yard work is not something Susan wants to do she leaves that to my male side, even most housework is my make side but Susan will do laundry and dishes. So as I was getting ready, I was also running my wash. I did my purple eye shadow and a brick red lipstick for the day. I was all ready by 1:30 so I was earlier then yesterday. I got a few pictures and made put my sheets back on my bed and started my last load in the wash and now I was ready to head out for the day.

My first stop was Costco as I needed some gas and also wanted to pick a few things up inside. I did go to the one in Vancouver as I didn’t have to wear a mask there. I filled up my car and went in and got what I needed, nothing that couldn’t sit in my trunk till later today and yes, I got one of their hot dogs for lunch as I had not eaten all day. Now I did drive down by the waterfront again but today it was packed plus it is hotter today and a little more humid as the smoke has mostly cleared now.

I just decided to go to Starbucks and work on my blog and e-mails and maybe some work and yes do a little online shopping. I got to Starbucks and they were actually busy inside, all the tables along the window were taken as were several of the tables on the middle as a matter of fact I only had 2 choices of where to sit. I put my computer on one and went and got in line to order my drink. I got my drink and sat down at my computer. I did set up our zoom meeting for our group tomorrow and send that out.

Now I am not a big online shopper as a matter of fact I have ordered 1 time from Amazon, 1 ½ years ago when I ordered the clear plastic earrings after I got my ears pierced and once from Costco when my old laptop had a hard drive failure and I think that was about a year ago. Well that laptop ½ the letters on the keys have worn off now, which I have never had happen on any of my computers keyboards. Any way I have been looking online and you can buy stickers to put on the keys but I can’t find them in stores so that leaves me to order them online. Well I found them in Amazon for under $6 so I ordered them and if I spend $25, I get free shipping so I also ordered some of the false eyelashes I like, they should be here next weekend. I know this is the way things are going but I really like going into a store and looking at stuff and when I buy it walking out with it, I am just not an online shopping type of girl.

Now I sat there and enjoyed my afternoon, just some quiet Susan time at Starbucks. I had been there about an hour and one of the female employees walked by me and paused and told me she loved my eye makeup and called me by name which made me feel good and I thanked her as I really did think I did a good job on my eyes today although probably a little much for a trip to Starbucks, but I thought it went well with my top I wore today. Yes, I have been trying to match my makeup a little more with what I am wearing. Yesterday a pinkish lipstick with my salmon top and today a rose lipstick with my maroon top. This is something my male self doesn’t get to do. Men’s styles are really pretty boring.

Now about 5 my battery was getting low and one of the tables along the window where there are plugs opened up so I moved over to that table. Right between a man and a woman. Now we were all sitting beside each other along the window which made it easier to people watch as people came in which is one of the reasons I like to come here. Well about 10 minutes later a man came in and sat opposite her so I was kind of looking at him and I knew him, not well but we did work briefly together a couple years ago so I figured he would not recognize me but I still kept my head down and just worked on my computer. He only stayed about 15 minutes before they both left.

It was about 6:30 when I put away my computer and left and as I was leaving to of the employees wished me a good night by name which I really like. Now on my way home I stopped at Panda express and picked up some dinner to take home and they were really busy so I had to stand in line. Now this is the one place I do go on a regular basis now both as Susan and my male self. I got home and ate dinner and watched TV for the rest of the night. now I am looking forward to Monday nights Zoom meeting.

Stay safe and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

August 19, 2021 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , | 1 Comment

Saturday Susan time, just a relaxing day

Well it is Saturday and that means some Susan time, I had something to do in the morning and I didn’t get home till a little after noon so I made a quick lunch before I started my transformation for the day. My goal was to be ready by 2 or shortly after. Now I did want to try a little different look today so I went with my rose eye shadow and yes, a pink lipstick. I don’t wear this shad often but I was going with my salmon-colored top and I thought it might be a good match. In all I was happy with the look although the lipstick seems brighter in the natural light outside. I really like the reds and not sure if this is a good color for me so feel free to give me some input. Now normally I have been going to the Escape on Saturday evenings so I try to make my look good enough for both but with the new mask mandates in Orgon I decided not to go tonight actually it changed my plans all together. I have been going to the Starbucks at Cascade Station by the airport as it is close to the Escape but also being in Oregon, I didn’t want to deal with the mask so I will be staying in Vancouver.

I was already a little after 2 and yes, I needed to go grocery shopping so that was the first thing on my list. I grabbed my purse and walked out my front door to my car in the driveway. I have been parking there instead of in the garage lately, this is why I am sure most of my neighbors know because as I was getting into my car one of the neighbors from down the street drove by. I drove to Walmart and went in to do some shopping, yes, I have been going here more lately. I did my weekly shopping, only took about 20 minutes as I am just shopping for me now. I paid for my groceries and then back home and yes parked in my driveway and unloaded my groceries into my house just like any of my other neighbors would do. It was a little after 3 now and I need to get my blog from Wednesday night’s dinner written yes, I am having trouble keeping up with them. I decided to go to the Starbucks in Orchards for 2 reasons, first I wanted to swing by the Toyota dealership and get my car washed as when I get my oil changed here, they always give me a few free car washes and it is just down the street from this Starbucks but also on Sunday I will be back at Starbucks again and will go to the one by my house so I didn’t want to go there 2 days in a row.

I got to Toyota and got in line for my car wash, only 1 car in front of me. Now when I get my il changed they give me 3 or 4 stamps on my bill for the car wash and what I have noticed is when I came here as my male self, they always cross off one of the when I do it as Susan, they don’t always cross one off. Well it was my turn and I opened the window to hand him my bill with the stamp, he just looked at it and said I was good. now I don’t know if this is because I am Transgender or if they do this for females. It was almost 4 when I got to Starbucks and went in and there were only 4 people inside and both were 2 groups of men, unlike the one at Cascade Station which has a lot more females there.

I ordered my drink and set up my computer on the table. I kind of glanced at the men out of the corner of my eye and nothing either they didn’t notice me or just didn’t care. I got my drink and started working on my blog. Now as I said I am behind on them and part is just finding the time but also, I really like writing my blog when I am Susan. It just seems more real to be writing about my time as Susan when I am in fact Susan. I worked on my blog and also checked my e-mails. We had a new girl trying to join the group and she was having trouble. So we exchanged some e-mails and I helped her out. I finished my blog but will wait to post it till Sunday Morning as I already posted one just a few hours ago, I try not to post to many in a row as I have a lot of people who get them in e-mails and I don’t want to flood their inbox and I realize 2 in a day is not much but I know I have a few friends on Facebook that it seems they just post a bunch if stuff one right after another and that is all you can see. That is fine but it makes it hard to see what others are doing.

Before I knew it, it was after 6, the time went by really fast so I was thinking about what to do for dinner and although it is not healthy there is a Wendy’s just across the parking lot so I walked over there and got me something to eat and yes sat there and ate it. They were a little busy even inside which surprised me after all being a Saturday night, I figured going out to Wendy’s would not be a big choice. It was about 7 when I finished and normally, I would have been at the Escape but not tonight but I also wasn’t ready to go home and as it was in the low 80’s and looked like the smoke from the fires was clearing out a little I decided to drive down by the waterfront and maybe take a walk if I could find a parking spot.

It only took about 15 minutes to get down there and I easily found a parking spot, yes there were people walking along the water but they were spaced out as I think the smoke has kept people more inside. Now this is the hard part of being Susan, I really didn’t want to carry my purse as I walked as I noticed most of the women didn’t have purses as they walked but my outfit today has no pockets. I made the choice to lock my purse in my trunk and just carry my keys and phone as I needed the phone as I hoped I could get a couple pictures. As much as I like getting selfies, I don’t like doing it where others can see me do it. Well I walked a way down the path and there was a break in the people so I stopped quickly and got a couple of selfies and yes you can see how bright this pink lipstick is in these pictures. I only spent about 30 to 40 minutes here walking before getting back into my car to leave, now I am sure I got some looks as none of the women I passed had lopstick on and most had minimal makeup but some of them also said hi to me as they passed which was nice.

It was about 8:30 when I got back home for the night, the rest of the night I watched a Hall Mark movie, “The 27-hour day” and it was pretty good. It was almost midnight when I went upstairs and washed my makeup off and went to bed. It was a good day and now I am looking forward to Sunday and some more Susan time.

Stay safe and be happy and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

August 16, 2021 Posted by | Starbucks, Susan Time | , , , , | Leave a comment

Wednesday night dinner at Olive Garden

It is Wednesday and we are doing our Wednesday night dinner at the Olive Garden mall 205. Now I have had lunch with girls at the Clackamas Olive Garden but this will be our first dinner. We have talked about it for a while but they don’t do reservations and when I have called them, they tell me they are usually busy till 7:30 or 8 but this week we are going to take our chances. We have 7 going so not to big of a group. My plan was to get there about 15 to 20 minutes early and get my name on the list. I had texted Julie; I would pick her up at 6 although if I am a little late it will be fine as it should only take about 15 minutes to get to Olive Garden from her house.

Well driving home from work was horrible lots of traffic so I was pulling into my driveway at 4:50 so it would be another rush to get ready. I quickly shaved and cleaned up and started my makeup. As I said in a previous blog, I can get ready in under an hour but really like to spend more time as it relaxes me. I did my makeup without thought in ither words just doing it without thinking if I should try something different. I got my makeup done and picked out my dress and was all ready and walking out my front door at 5:32 so from pulling into my drive to pulling out was 42 minutes and I thought I looked really nice. The drive to Julies was easy and I pulled into her driveway at 5:55 so we had time so of course I got a quick picture before going in.

Julie was all ready so we had a chance to talk before we had to leave which was nice, we sat at her counter and chatted something Susan loves to do. We left about 6:20 and headed for the Olive Garden, talking all the way. We were just a couple minutes away when Veronica texted me, she had arrived and got her name on the list and we had about a 20-minute wait. We parked and as we were getting out of the car Jennifer parked right in front of us so the 3 of us walked up together. Veronica was standing outside so we had 4 of us here already. A few minutes later Cassandra and Claire showed up so we were just missing Barb. We went inside as it was cooler and waited and just before 7, we were shown to our table. Barb showed up just after we were seated so we had all 7 of us. Now I do like it when we have big groups as we are getting girls out but for dinners 6 to 8 are a good size because you can usually talk with everyone pretty easy.

Our waitress came over and got our drink order while we decided what we wanted for dinner, for me there was no choice as all their food is good, yes, I love Italian food but I really like Chicken Parmesan. She came back and took our order and brought out the big bowls of salad and bread sticks and yes once again I filled up on them, I could make a meal out of just them. Well we all ordered and then sat and talked as we waited for our food. Now I did sit in the middle of the table so I could talk with everyone which is nice. Our food came out and as always it was really good. we had a wonderful dinner and great conversation. We talked about a lot of stuff including Diva Las Vegas, Cassandra, Veronica and Jennifer are going for sure, I am planning on it but still waiting for my vacation request to be approved and Julie is thinking about it and from the conversation maybe Claire. There are a few others in our group thinking about going so we could have a good turnout this year from Portland. Right now Jennifer is planning on flying down as Jennifer and thinking about getting acrylic nails which I think she would love.

Our waitress was awesome, she kept checking on us to see if we needed anything and always referred to us as Miss or ladies, we really do seem to get great service when we are out and I am hopeful everyone gets the same service. We finished our dinner and of course Veronica asked to see the desert list. I am really trying to make an effort to cut sweets out of my diet one to lose some weight but I just feel better when I do. The problem is I love sweets. Well Veronica was sitting right next to me and it was on their little electronic order machine so as Veronica swiped through the pictures, I was watching which was a mistake. Veronica stopped on the Strawberry cheesecake and that is what she ordered and that is one of my favorite deserts. I almost broke down but luckily, I ate all that salad and bread sticks so I barely finished my dinner and new I just couldn’t eat it all even though I know if I got it I would. Our waitress brought our bills and she split them all up and got them all correct as I said she was really good and yes, she got a nice tip

We sat here till a little after 9 just talking after dinner, it was such a wonderful evening. As we left all the employees wished us a good night or said come back soon. I really think businesses don’t care who you are they just want people to come in especially after the year in a half we have had and it just is not getting better as Oregon is mandating everyone including those who are vaccinated to wear masks again starting Friday till the end of the year. Now I won’t get into the politics of this but I do feel sorry for businesses as this will have an effect on them and only time will tell how big. We will still do our dinners but it got me thinking about the escape and I have to say going there for a few hours on a Saturday night and having to sit there with a mask on is not something I want to do. I may go there occasionally but it won’t be every week which I have been doing the last couple months. This will affect them, I am sure.

I talk a lot about being who you are and living your life the way you want and I will say that goes also for this, wear a mask or don’t get vaccinated or don’t but live your life and don’t hide being afraid of the virus. There is a saying from a movie and I can’t think of the name of it but the saying is “the brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all” enjoy your life and live it to the fullest. We stood outside and talked for a little bit before going to our cars. Now here is the funny thing, as I said earlier Jennifer parked right in front of my car, well Barb parked right next to me and Claire right behind her next to Jennifer’s car, only Cassandra parked a little way away.

On the way back to Julie’s house we talked a little about where we can go next Wednesday night but also about golfing, Cassandra and another girl are going golfing in a couple weeks and Julie and I are also going with them of course it will be in our male modes so not quite as fun although Julie is thinking about a little mascara and a very neutral eye shadow which has me thinking about it also. I dropped Julie off just before 1 and then drove back to my house to end my night. It was a good time.

Stay safe and be happy with who you are and remember, if you want people to respect you for being you, you also have to do that for others and this goes for everything in life.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

August 15, 2021 Posted by | Dinner out | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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