Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

why do I or any man cross-dress

Why do I or any man cross-dress? I seem to get that question a lot in e-mails both from male and females. Now I cannot speak for everyone, just myself. So let’s start with a simple question, why do some people like chocolate and other do not? Why do some people like football while others like baseball or basketball?  Why do some people like the color red while others like blue or green?  Why does some woman wear makeup and get their nails done while others do not? All good questions and it comes down to personal preference.

 A little information about cross-dressers, most are heterosexual (not gay). Also about 25% of males cross-dress to some extent, be it wearing woman’s panties or nylons once in a while to completely dressing up. This is my fun fact. Next time you are out count men and realize that 1 in 4 have or will cross-dress at some point to some degree. Now let’s not just pick on men, all you woman out there. Have you ever worn your boyfriends or husbands shirt, pajamas or shoes? If so you have also cross-dressed. Cross-dressing is simply put, wearing clothing generally associated with the opposite sex. I think with this broad view most would fall into this category. Now for me it does go beyond the simple wearing of one piece of clothing. I like to dress up completely including makeup. This is where I will talk about just myself.

 First of all I do not see myself as a woman trapped in a man’s body. I do not want to be a woman all the time as I like my male side just as much. I am not gay (I am totally heterosexual). I also do not cross-dress for sexual pleaser. In simple words I enjoy it just like chocolate or baseball. Some people exercise or run to relax or relieve stress I become Susan. Susan is my way to get away from my normal life and everything in it for a while, kind of like a mini vacation. How would you like to be able to take a vacation anytime you want? For me I can even if only for a few hours. My time as Susan is just that, my male side and everything that goes with him is put aside and Susan is there. It doesn’t matter what I do as Susan it is just being her for a while. It can be as simple as doing my nails or makeup or even cleaning the house I am still getting away from the normal daily grind and I find it totally relaxing. Like anything you do it will grow with you and expand. Take baseball, the first time you watched a game you were just learning but over time you learn more and more. You learn the teams and players, you watch more and even start going to games. Cross-dressing is the same for me, at first it was just makeup and then came clothing and shoes and then I wanted to go out as Susan. Runners start of running a mile and then work up to 2 mile and then more always pushing what they can do and so do cross-dressers.

 When I am out as Susan I just want to be excepted as a person named Susan. I want no special treatment, just treated the same as everyone else with kindness and caring. You will find that cross-dressers come from all walks of life, doctors, executives, police officers, politicians and just about every other occupation you can think off. We are truly your next door neighbors. You grew up with us and we were some of your best friends but had to keep this part of our lives a secret for fear of how people would react. Some of that fear is misplaced as I have found that some people are totally okay and excepting of cross-dressers. I have a few friends whose wives not only know but who help and support them. So in closing I ask each of you to ask yourself one question, if your best friend told you he or she liked to cross-dress what would you do? Would you stay friends? Would you end your friendship? Could you accept their cross-dressing as long as you didn’t have to see it? Or would you totally except it and be willing to see them dressed.  I only ask because we all tend to act without thinking things through in the spur of the moment and may not be how we truly feel. We say things we don’t really mean and feeling are hurt and we can loose friends for a simple misunderstanding.

People come and go in our lives but true friends are a blessing and are rare and we should never let go of a good friend. Oh I guess I have one more thing for all the ladies out there. Would it not be nice to have a boyfriend or husband that shared all your interests? One who liked to go shopping with you? One who could talk about fashion and clothing and even makeup? One who when you asked how you looked could really give you an honest answer because he knows about clothes and makeup. just think of how much fun and how much you would have in common with a cross-dresser and you would never hear the words, “Aren’t you ready yet” or “what takes you so long to get ready”. Anyway these are my thoughts on cross-dressing and why like to cross-dress and I am sure I am not alone and many of the cross-dressers out there share some if not all of these same feelings. We are not freaks or perverts we are just men who enjoy and like expressing our softer feminine side. You will also find us more caring and easy going.

Hug Susan

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November 7, 2009 - Posted by | crossdress, crossdresser, crossdressing, T-girl, transgender, why crossdress, why men crossdress | , , , , , , ,

19 Comments »

  1. I love your blog and comments, Susan. As a transsexual, I have to admit that heterosexual crossdressers confuse me a bit. I’m 45 and know the difference between a crossdresser and a transvetite and that being a part-time woman is no sexual fetish for you.

    My question is, have you ever had any bisexual fantasies while crossdressed? I’m not trying to call you out but seriously want to know how you can spend the time it takes to make yourself so beautiful and feminine and only feel attracted to genetically born females and not be curious about others who were not born female. I’m certainly not referring to me but have you ever been attracted to someone like yourself, i.e., a gorgeous feminine person who was not born female? If the answer is “no” I’m not going to challenge you. I’m not interested in stirring up any drama.

    Comment by Caramel Black | November 7, 2009 | Reply

    • The question is a good one and I will do my best to answer it honestly. I have never had a bisexual or homosexual fantasy. That is not to say I do not like the way other cross-dressers or transsexuals look. Any woman (real or not) is beautiful in their own way and I do enjoy looking at them but there is nothing sexual about it. I am also flattered when both men and woman pay me compliments as everyone enjoys being thought of as nice looking (pretty). I like to come across as a real woman and know that I will attract some male attention. It still makes me feel a little uncomfortable but I deal with it. The difference comes back to what makes someone sexually attracted to someone else and for me it is simply a genetic woman. I have had many people ask me that same question and this is the best answer I can give. I can appreciate a pretty transsexual or cross-dresser or even a handsome man but it is like looking at a beautiful painting, nice to look at but that is as far as it goes. I cannot explain any better about how attraction works. Thanks for your comment and I hope this helps.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | November 7, 2009 | Reply

  2. OK, I’m nit-picking.

    What do you mean by “genetic woman”? I assume you mean standard factory model ones, cis-sexual, cis-gendered.

    How about someone like this:
    “A 46,XY mother who developed as a normal woman underwent spontaneous puberty, reached menarche, menstruated regularly, experienced two unassisted pregnancies, and gave birth to a 46,XY daughter with complete gonadal dysgenesis.”- J Clin Endocrinol Metab. 2008 Jan;93(1):182-9

    She’s got the same 46,XY chromosomes you do. So does her daughter.

    Comment by Zoe Brain | November 8, 2009 | Reply

    • Well let me try to explain what I me by genetic woman and this is only what I am attracted to. You can use the term standard factory model if you like but what I mean is naturally born female, not surgically or chemically changed. This is not to take away from anyone else it is just what I find attractive.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | November 8, 2009 | Reply

  3. Thanks for the frank and honest answer, Susan. I totally get it 🙂

    Comment by Caramel Black | November 8, 2009 | Reply

  4. Hi Susan, this is Christine here. I am a Trans Woman (or crossdresser if you prefer) who is also from Portland OR.

    I read your post here and have a couple of things I would like to ask…

    First, you mention that like a runner, the cross-dresser pushes herself further and further. Do you feel that it is possible to condition oneself past the point of no return (i.e. into transitioning) by continuing to push the envelope of your personal crossdressing?

    Second, it has been my experience that groups of cross-dressers who go out to together are also often *sexual* with each-other as well. In other words, attraction to other males who feminize their appearance seems to go hand-in-hand with Crossdressing most of the time…

    So when you say this is not a sexual thing for you…I assume that means you are not nor have ever been sexual with another cross-dresser or trans-woman?

    Thx in advance for answering my questions and I hope to hear from you soon.

    Best

    Christine

    Comment by Christine Martins | August 7, 2010 | Reply

    • Thanks for your comment Christine and I will do my best to answer.
      First, my comparison to a runner always pushing themselves to go further does not change who they are a runner. They may run more and farther but they are still runners. Same for crossdressers. I may dress more and try new looks, go out more and try new places but I am still a crossdresser. One can grow but only with who they are. The only way one could push past the point of no return (transitioning) is if that is what they wanted in the first place.
      Second, as for it being sexual with others, yes to a point this can be true. One must remember though that this is only if that is who you are whether you are crossdressed or not. I can look at another crossdresser the same way I look at a GG and appreciate her beauty, style and elegance but it does not mean I am physically attracted to them or want to have sex with them. For me that is all there is, being Susan is not a sexual thing. Going to a bar does not make one an alcoholic and if you are an alcoholic you don’t have to go to a bar.
      Yes that is correct, Susan has never been sexual with another crossdresser, trans-woman, man or woman. As I said my dressing is not sexual and I am not sure Susan will ever be. If someday I find that special lady (genetic woman) as my male self and she can accept Susan as part of her life along with my male side well then we can talk about it and see if Susan can fit in that way, but it would have to be something we both want.
      I realize most people can’t understand this but this is the best way I can explain it. Everyone is different and has their own reason for the things they do. This is who I am and what I am about.
      Susan

      Comment by susanmiller64 | August 7, 2010 | Reply

  5. Susan,

    Thank you so much for your candid answers to my questions…it seems you have a really good handle on who you are which is going a long way in a hurry 🙂

    xoxo

    Chrisine

    Comment by Christine Martins | August 13, 2010 | Reply

  6. Susan
    Sorry to be commenting on a year old blog post but what you said captured my essense about as well as anything that I have seen.

    Why do I cross dress? I suppose the simplest answer is the most accurate. Because I like to. It makes me feel good. I like the concept of getting as pretty as I can. I enjoy putting my male self with all of my male issues and responsibilities on a shelf for a bit. I do not live in fool’s paradise. I realize that at my height, weight and age (6′, 220 lbs, nearing 60) that you cannot make a silk purse out of a sows ear but I just love trying to do the best that I can. The phrase back in the 60s was ‘if it feels good…do it’.

    That is not to say that over the years I have not tried to think through my being a CD and wondering and speculating and looking for deeper meanings but I now think that I am comfortable just doing the best I can and having fun and feeling contentment in the process.

    You have a great blog site. I like my guy life. I have been truly blessed with a wonderful wife for over 3 decades and I enjoyed every aspect of raising a family and doing what I do for a living. I do not and have not ever wanted to be a woman but I do like dressing like one on occasion and I throughly enjoy the feel and texture of woman’s clothing.

    I like to think that if I did not have wonderful family obligations that my CD path may have been similar to yours.

    Best regards,
    Pat

    Comment by Pat Scales | December 22, 2010 | Reply

  7. Hello. I’m interested in your beginning statistic. Is that just your own educated guess? I often wonder how many men out there are secretly crossdressing, and it’s so hard to figure that out for obvious reasons. Do you have any good references or links that talk about how many men crossdress in secret to some degree, and how they obtained the information? Just curious. I realize this is an old post. If you don’t remember, that’s okay. Thanks

    Comment by thorin25 | December 5, 2011 | Reply

    • It was a couple years back I came across a college study. Don’t remember much of it but a couple of the numbers. One was about 25% crossdress and by this they said wearing something that the opposite sex usually wears that crossdress most do not dress completely ( think it was 30% dress completely but not sure I remember this number correctly) but of those that do dress completely they said only 1 in 10 (10%) ever go out of the house). I had it on my old laptop that died last spring and can’t seem to find on line but this is the best of my memory.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | December 6, 2011 | Reply

  8. You say it would be fun for a wife to have a husband who shares all her interests (and clothes). I don’t see how that would work. We are attracted to other people because they are differences. The things that men find most attractive in women are their differences, in their anatomy, in their clothing, etc. and I am sure it’s the other way around for women. It’s also healthy to have some different interests, to learn and grow from each other. Husband and wife should be best friends, that is a great thing, but it should look different from a best friendship between 2 people of the same sex.

    Comment by thorin25 | December 14, 2011 | Reply

    • Yes we are attracted because of differences and I am no different but attraction is not what builds a strong relationship. For the record what I find the ideal looking woman looks like is as follows. I love a tall woman 5’9” and taller, a woman with long hair, one who wears dress & skirts, high heels 3” or more, a woman who wears makeup, red lipstick and of course long pretty nails. Now I am only pointing this out as this is what I really find attractive in woman and yes I tend to dress this way when I can as one generally dresses the way they like.
      For the record I have had 5 long term relations by which I mean a year or more. None of them fit what I call my ideal woman. One was 5’10” the rest were 5’6” or shorter. Two had long hair, two would wear shirts or dresses when we went out someplace special, one liked heels, all wore makeup but only one liked red lipstick. None had long nails. The key to the relationships were we got to know each other before we started dating. We found we had a lot in common; we shared the same interests and liked to do most things together. Physical attraction only goes so far.
      I have lots of friends and the ones that are truly happily married have a lot in common with their wives or girlfriends. They like spending time together; this is what makes a happy and healthy relationship. Yes everyone needs their own time also and time away from each other but you still need to share the same beliefs, dreams, goal, and likes.
      Yes best friends are just that and it does not matter if you are the same sex or not, it is about being there for that person. Above I described my ideal woman but I also like doing things like golfing, fishing, and hiking and would really like to share that with the woman in my life and I realize she can’t do those things in heels and skirts. Looks and attraction is nice but it truly is the person inside that counts and that is what makes someone truly beautiful. This is how I feel you find your soul mate.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | December 17, 2011 | Reply

  9. Hello and do excuse me if i am not sure what name to call you as a don’t know your birth gender name and at this point i am not sure whether I would prefere to converse with you as your male self. Please don’t misunderstand me but let me explain if I may and I will thank you for reading this in anticipation.

    I am married to a hetrosexual cross-dresser and have been married for nearly 40 years but only found out he was a cross-dresser 4 years ago when i got home early one night from work to walk into my husband being fully kitted out as a woman. I don’t need to tell you what that did to me as I am sure you can set the scene yourself. It was a ‘secret’ he said he never wanted me or the family to find out about because he thought we could never begin to understand why he needed to do that. Still to this day he hasn’t shared it with our 3 adult children or any of the family as he is afraid of their reaction if they know.

    We have come such a long way since I walked in on him, We are happier now then we have been over these last 4 years as we have both come back from terrible moments of trying to both live together as a married couple with a cross-dresser in the house who thought once i knew about it he could expect everything to be accepted overnight without the blink of an eye. He assumed I could take it all on board as if it was the ‘norm’ for us.

    Firstly I had never experienced anything of this nature before apart from seeing a drag queen in action which we as a couple always enjoyed, or a man playing a female part in a play, pantomine or t.v. show. We always laughed together and enjoyed the characters in their act. Even the fancy dress parties we had been invited to in the past when he would dress up as a female or others dressed that way too. we would have such fun in doing so.

    But this was so different as there wasn’t a fun side to what I was seeing in my husband dressed in that way, as he was so serious standing there dressed as a woman. It absolutely scared me to death at what i was seeing….the man I married looking that way and loving it. How did I never know I ask myself ? I thought I knew him inside out; We were always so close and so very happy; I felt a fool not having realised anything different about him all those years and why on earth hadn’t he just told me who he was before we married all those years back ? Eventually he told me that he thought I would have left him and he knew it would break my heart to know what he needed to do to relax and feel comfortable with putting make-up on and woman’s clothes etc. He said how could I expect you to understand that.

    But here we are 4 years on having set boundaries where as he can still dress freely at home and be himself, even though I know about it, and we are now in a good place once more thank goodness, as we are sole mates and somehow both know that we can’t imagine life apart.

    Maybe someday he will share it with the family, but that is up to him if he wishes too and i would support him as longs as he carries on leading the respectful life he is doing and within the throws of wanting to stay as a married man.

    I was wondering if you have always been single yourself or ever had a partner in your life ? And if so, has that brought any complications into the relationship with you being a hetrosexual cross-dresser ?

    Life must be so much easier for a cross-dresser to be a single man wouldn’t you say ? I sometimes think that my husband would be so much freer if I wasn’t in the equation.

    Best wishes to you.

    Pammy

    Comment by Pam | January 10, 2012 | Reply

    • Hello Pam,
      This is my place to be Susan but weather you use Susan or my male name you are still conversing with the same person, me as we are one in the same.
      I am glad to hear that when you found out you didn’t just leave. I am happy to answer any questions I can but can only give you my views. Crossdresser tend to be really guarded about who knows about their hobby. The thing is once you tell just one person you no longer have control about who knows. Even if the person you trust enough to tell promises they won’t say anything you never know for sure. Most crossdressers fear the worst if someone finds out, the loss of family, friends possibly your job. It may not be today, next week or next year but the rest of your life you will always have to wonder if that person will say anything. It also may be an accident, the use of the wrong name or pronoun she instead of he . Some of my best friends that I have known for years by their female name, that is how I know them. When they are not dressed I still think of them nby their female side and really have to make an extra effort to not call them by their female name when they are not dressed.
      Now just a little information on crossdressing, studies that I have seen say about 20% to 25% of male’s crossdress occasional and the rate of crossdressing among females are higher. Crossdressing is simply wearing something generally accepted as belonging to the opposite sex. Have you ever worn something of your husband’s? Now that being said most crossdressers may like just one or two things. Also in the gender community crossdressing is the least understood and hardest for people to accept. Now you had mention you’re only experience with something like this was a drag queen. People can understand this as they are performers and do this as a way to make money. Transsexuals are also easier to understand as they feel they were born the wrong sex or want to change their sex and this also people can understand. Crossdressers are males who like to dress and act as females but do not want to be one all the time. Even when I was young I had trouble with this. I knew I wasn’t gay and didn’t want to be female I just like to dress up as one. Even now it really doesn’t make since other than I enjoy it and it relaxes me. Think about something g you like and then figure out why but come up with reasons that are not feelings or emotions. My favorite answer when people ask why I would like to dress as a girl and not want to be one I always say the same thing. I like to go camping as I enjoy it and it relaxes me but I don’t want to sell my house and live in the wood for the rest of my life.
      Why we like it is hard to say. Think of how you dress, your hair, makeup and shoes. Do you wear what you do simply because you are female and that is how you should dress or do you like the way you dress and look. It is a shame that most people assume that just because one is male they should not like pretty clothes or makeup. Also as far as not knowing I can tell you that it is hard to tell. No one who knows me as my male self know I crossdress. When I am not dressed I am your average male, like sports, fishing, and hiking. As a matter of fact there are only 2 things that would give me away, first I shave my legs and arm but if I go a couple weeks without shaving then this would not be an issue. The second is I keep my toe nails painted but then a few minutes and some nail polish remover and that is not an issue. There is no certain look to a crossdresser, they range from doctor’s, police officer, business owners, to your average male.
      Now for the last question, yes I have always been single, I have had some relationships and came really close to getting married once. Yes crossdressing does make it harder. Being single does make it a lot easier to crossdress, that being said being single also makes it easier to go fishing or hiking when I want or even go play golf. Anything is easier when you don’t have to think about someone else and how it effects them and what they want. It is also a lot lonelier life style. I am blessed that I have made a lot of friends as Susan but I would love to have a lady in my life. I would love to find a woman that would accept my dressing and support it, these woman are very rare. I would be just bas happy with a woman that is not wild about it and doesn’t want to see it but understands it is part of who I am and allows me to dress.
      Now most of my relations ships were when I was not dressing as much and had not made the friends I have now. When I was in the relationships I always told myself I could stop and I would but my stress went up and I really wasn’t happy not being able to be who I am. My dressing was never the issue the relationships did not work out as there were other issues. even the woman I almost married it was not my dressing that ended it, this lady I actually told I liked to paint my toenails, my way of seeing how she might react. She hated it and told me she did not want a husband with painted toenails. I promise I would stop and really did try. But again we had other issues and just weren’t roght for each other. I have come to the realization that I cannot nor do I want to stop crossdressing, it is who I am and makes me a happy healthy person. So knowing this in the future I would feel I would have to tell any woman that I would want to be in a serious relationship with which is really scary to think about but I feel she would have to know.
      Your husband may not have known when you got married or thought he could stop and that is why he may not have told you. The fact you two have been married for 40 years tells me you both love each other. I truly believe if you love someone then you love all of them. I wish you both the best and am always willing to answer questions or if you just need someone to talk with or listen. Please feel free to contact me. If you would rather contact me by e-mail then making a post on my blog let me know. Since you selected notify you by e-mail I do have your e-mail address. Now I never just e-mail someone but if you wish post back that I can e-mail you and I will e-mail you my address.
      Thanks for reading and I hope this was a help.
      Hugs
      Susan

      Comment by susanmiller64 | January 10, 2012 | Reply

  10. I am not sure how I get back to you here, so I have clicked to notify me via email, incase I can’t find you again. Thank you.

    Comment by Pam | January 10, 2012 | Reply

  11. Susan,
    I found your blog really interesting. Like you I am a hetreosexual crossdresser, but unlike you I am married and have children. I recently came out to my wife you is quite broad minded and we have set boundaries and rules for crossdressing – when the kids aren’t in house, one or two times a month, or if we go for a weekend away. This suits me as I find dressing more about a distraction and relaxation from a hectic busy life. I am very masculine when not dressed playing a lot of sport and working in a male profession. I think part of the attraction is the concentration on yourself as well as the feeling of the clothes , putting on make up and the relaxation and excitement it brings.
    Gemma

    Comment by Gemma | April 19, 2012 | Reply

  12. My question is why heterosexual men have to dismiss any homosexual inclination when crossdressing? Homosexuality and crossdressing are not the same thing nor is one determined by the other.

    I don’t understand the association people make between crossdressing and homsoexuality because there is nothing about male homosexuality that will make you want to be or look like a woman. It’s really annoying.

    Comment by Seikei | December 19, 2016 | Reply

    • It is hard to say but what I have experienced is people need to categorize people to make them fit in a box. It is kind of like watching TV you have comedy, drama, si-fi and so on that is how people react. When they don’t know or understand something they try to make it fit in something they know. You wear cowboy cloths so you must be a cowboy. A girl wears jeans and no makeup she must be a Tomboy. A man wears a dress he must be gay or a transsexual. Very few people look at things and go, Oh wears cowboy cloths must like cowboy cloths, wears dresses must like dresses. Most people need a deeper reason for something. That is the best answer I can give.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | December 31, 2016 | Reply


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