Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Wednesday Zoom meeting with friends, the last Wednesday night of 2020

It is the last Wednesday of 2020 and I am looking forward to the new year and putting all this behind us. It also means I get to spend a few hours on a video chat with my friends tonight. This is how our group has socialized the last 9 months for the most part. Now this week I got home early which was nice as it gave me time to get ready and enjoy my time transforming myself. Now tonight I really liked the way my eyes turned out especially my eyebrows, I finally got then even and a nice shape and arch. I was ready by 6:15 so I had plenty of time to get some pictures and call and talk to my mom, they had another positive test where she lives so she is locked in her room again for 28 more days which sucks as she just got off the last one on Christmas Day, I will still be bringing her to my house on Sundays though as the isolation is far worse for her and others living there then the virus.

I started the meeting right at 7 and I had 9 girls waiting which was awesome. Well tonight we had our biggest group online yet, we had 21 girls with 20 windows open on the screen, Julie, Jennifer, Melissa, Barb, Cyndee, Danielle, Nicole, Danika, Grace, Chris, Jan & Lynn, Antonia, Kimberly, Jeanie, Kitty, Robin, Stacy, Rebecca, Tori and me. Now it was nice to see so many tonight but it also took longer to catch up with everyone as only one person can talk at a time. I often worry with so many some girls may feel left out as it can be hard to get in and talk. Well, we all chatted till a little after 8 when a few girls signed off. It was now time for Jennifer’s question of the night, and it was a little more on the lite side, Jennifer actually sent out an e-mail to give us all a heads up so we could plan for it. The question was this, what order do you do to get ready and how many products you use. now I pretty much do the same order every time, but I do mix up what I use different colors or sometimes a little more or less depending on if it is a daytime or evening out and where I am going so, I will use tonight. By the way I guessed 15 different items I use. today before I wrote this blog, I took a few pictures of what I used last night.

Once I have shaved and cleansed my face is where I will start, and I will number then to keep track and see how close my guess was. 1st is oil of Olay moisturizer, 2nd primer, 3rd is foundation and I actually use 2 different shades, a light shade 130 for the center of my face and a darker for the outer edge and my neck so 2 products but 1 step. 4th is contouring and again 2 products, both foundation sticks in 2 shades 330 for along my nose to narrow it and 360 for below my cheeks and my jaw line below my ears to shape my face. My 5th step is concealer below my eyes to brighten them, the top of my nose for definition and yes, I use this also for my eyelids instead of foundation there, items to left.

Now with the base on my face it is time to make it all pop so next my 6th step is a bronzer and I do an E shape from above my eyes on me checks where I contoured and then my jaw line so softens the contour out and as warmth to my face. My 7th step is blush on the apples of my cheeks; my 8th step is highlighter just above my cheeks on the outer edge to the outer corner of my eyes. The tip of my nose and my cupids bow to make my lips look plumper. My 9th step is a translucent face powder to set it all and catch any fallout from my eye shadow, yes, I put a lot right below my eyes. Now it is time for my eyes the most fun and the part that takes the longest.

My 10th step is my eyebrows, I brush them and draw/fill them in, and this is where I have a hard time getting them the same shape and height and tonight, they were almost perfect. The 11th step is eye shadow and yes, I can use 4 to 8 shades, yes, I love doing my eyes. I start with a dark brown/black under my eyes sometimes from the middle out (daytime) or the inner corner (evening), I also take it up to my brow bone and blend in a little to soften it. Now I use a silver, (sometimes gold or other light shimmer shade) on the inner corner of the lid and to the center and blend it up. Then I use a dark brown on the outer part under the brow bone, medium brown on center under brow bone and a light brown inner part below brow bone. Sometimes a plum on brow bone outer edge and last a cream color on outer part of eye right up to my eyebrow, sometimes one with a shimmer for evening, so yes tonight was 7 shades. If you look at my eyeshadow pallet to left the far left is below my eyebrow, the next 3 to right is under my brow bone, 2nd from right is on my brow bone and I forgot to include the silver and dark brown/black as those are single eye shadows. My 12th step is eye liner, and this is also a multi-step process. I have a black eyeliner pencil that I use on my lower lash line (outer half for daytime, all the way into the inner corner for evening), sometime the upper waterline below my lashes for a more dramatic look. Then a gel pen above my upper lashes (not always for daytime) and sometimes a winged eyeliner.

My 13th step is Mascara and sometimes for an evening out if I want a dramatic look I do false eye lashes. My 14th step is my lips and yes, I line my lips first then my lipstick and I have several shades I like to wear as it is a good way to change up your looks. Sometimes I will use a darker red on the outer corners and lip line and then a brighter red in the center and blend then together. Don’t do this that often as it is hard to get to look right and really doesn’t show up to well in pictures. With all this done I brush off the face powder. My 15th and last step is setting spray and again this I don’t always do, if I am going to be Susan for just a couple hours, I will skip this but if longer then that I use the setting spray and that completes my makeup look.

Now I put my earrings on, bracelets, ring and sometime a necklace. I get dressed, shoes and last my hair to complete Susan’s transformation. It seems like a lot of steps and products (20 if I use all), but I love doing it and I love the look and it just makes me feel good. People ask me why I do this and who I am doing it for, and it is just as simple as I do it for me, no one else. I love this part of my life.

It was interesting to hear what the other girls do and the order they do them in. we also discussed what products we use and what we like. It was a great question and a fun topic to ed 2020 with. This is my last blog of 2020 and is my 154th blog of the year marking being Susan at least part of the time on 154 days this year which is a record. With that being said I want to wish everyone a Happy New Years and me 2021 be your best year ever. Stay safe and stay healthy.

Thank for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

Happy New Year’s everyone!


December 31, 2020 Posted by | Holiday, Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Saturday as Susan the last Saturday of 2020

Well, it is the last Saturday of December actually the last Saturday of the year and we are coming to the end of 2020 and I am sure 2021 will be better. I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous New Years.

Well, I started getting ready a little after 12 and enjoyed my time doing my makeup. I was all ready by 1:30 to enjoy the rest of the day as Susan. I took a little time and got some pictures as I really like getting them during the day with natural light as they look better. Now yes, I needed to do a little shopping again as I put off my shopping till I could do it as Susan. I needed some stuff from Costco and Walmart so that was my plan for the day. I grabbed my purse and off I went.

My first stop was Costco, I got there, and they weren’t as busy as I expected for a Saturday afternoon but still a lot of people. I just pulled into the first spot I saw so I was a way out in the parking lot but that was okay. I got out of my car and walked across the parking lot to the entrance and got my cart and put my face mask on and went in. Now I only needed about 10 things, but I still walked around the store looking at things as this was my outing for the week. It was relaxing walking around with the other people. I left Costco and drove down the street to Walmart.

I pulled into the parking lot and there were about 30 people standing in line waiting to go in, so I was going to leave but when I got to the other door further down there was no one waiting so I parked and walked right in. I walked around and did my grocery shopping for the week, picking up dinner for Sunday with my mom. Yes, daily shopping as Susan is a relaxing and fun time. Now it was time to head back home for the rest of the day.

I got home and prepped my dinner for Sunday and then it was time to watch some TV, I watched another Christmas movie. It was about 5:30 when I cooked dinner for myself and had a nice dinner. The rest of the night was spent watching TV till I went to bed. Now a little side note. Now the virus has changed now we live and not for the better. One of the things is wearing a mask all the time when you are out and yes, I have to wear it at work accept when I eat so to make the best of it, I wear lipstick every day. I started off about 2 months ago with a neutral color and progressed to more bold and bright colors and yes now I wear my long wear lipstick that takes baby oil to get off. It is kind of fun to go to work with pretty red lips and know I can’t get the lipstick off till I get home, yes while I eat my lunch, I am very careful to keep my back to others at my desk.

Well Monday morning I went to work with my bright red supperstay lip ink, my favorite lipstick. It does make my day at work more fun as all the woman that normally wear lipstick don’t anymore, but I can and do. Now my mom called me, so we talked for a little bit. Well, I noticed I had a text message, so I looked at it and it was from yesterday and it was a reminder about my 6-month dentist appointment which happens to be today at 5:00 so there in lies my problem. I get off work at 4 and if I have no traffic it will take me 45 minutes to get to my dentist, so I have to go straight there from work. Not that was what I thought about for the rest of the day. Do I call and cancel my appointment or go with my bright red lipstick? Now I can’t tell you how bad I wanted to go to the dentist with the lipstick and I spent the day thinking about it but as it got close to, I knew I couldn’t so my plan was to call on the way home and tell them I was stuck in traffic and would need to reschedule. Well, I didn’t do that and before you get excited thinking, I went to the dentist wearing my lipstick I had just left work when I got a call, and it was my dentist office. Turns out my hygienist has gone home sick and they needed to reschedule my appointment. It was a fun day and I set a reminder in my phone for my new appointment.

Stay safe and make sure you have something fun in your life. Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

December 29, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wednesday night Zoom meeting with my friends in Christmas Eve, Eve

It is the day before Christmas Eve or Christmas Eve, Eve and I get to see my friends on our weekly Zoom meeting. I really look forward to this as I really do miss all my friends and spending time with them. Well, I got off work late and then there were 2 wrecks on the freeway and traffic was bad. So, I called and talked to my mom for aa while to take my mind off the traffic. I got home at 6:15 so it would be a rush tonight getting ready.

I started getting ready and I could see I was going to have a hard time being ready by 7 so changed up the order I get ready. usually I do my makeup, then get dressed and last my hair and jewelry. Well tonight I got my foundation on and then got dressed and put my jewelry on and that way once my makeup was done all I would have left is to put my hair on. I did this so I could take my time on my makeup and get it just perfect. It was almost 7 and I was still working on my eye makeup, so I did something I have not done before. I stopped what I was doing and went and got my computer and set it up on the counter and started the meeting without my video of course and there were girls already waiting. I admitted the girls and here I was chatting with them as I finished my makeup. Now it only took me about 15 more minutes, and I was once again Susan, so I headed downstairs with my computer and started my video. now it was 7:15 and 12 girls with 11 windows open which was nice as I new some girls wouldn’t make it tonight being so close to Christmas.

We had Julie, Melissa, Jennifer, Jan & Lynn, Cyndee, Antonia, Danika, Grace, Rebecca, Tori and me tonight. Now I know it is not Christmas yet, but it was almost like spending Christmas with them. Now we took time catching up with everyone and finding out what everyone is doing for Christmas. Now some are just staying at home, some will spend with family, kids, or grandkids and I will spend with my mom. The one thing we are all limiting it some this year, but we are still celebrating and living our lives. I hope everyone spends Christmas how they want and how they feel is right for them.

Now it was time for Jennifer’s Question and that was, is there one thing someone has done for you in your life that had a big impact on you, and it was general not just about our being transgender. Now thinking back there have been a lot as really all my friends have had an impact in someway on my life and I hope no one feels left out but maybe the biggest was when I first tried to go out and kept chickening out, I was about to give up and go home for the 4th time when another T-girl saw me sitting in my car and stopped and tapped on my window and invited me to walk in with her. Now days I get out of my car without even thinking about it but back then I could sit in my car for an hour trying to just open the car door. Now she didn’t have to do that, but she did. She helped my take my first step out in public as Susan, she introduced me to the bar staff at Embers and even the security and then took me around to 4 other places and also introduced me to the staff there. It really helped me and made me feel welcome and not alone. Now back then I probably only went out 3 times a year and I only saw her 2 times after that and this was 20 years ago, but she had such a big impact and I still remember her name, Lori. I never got a chance how much this helped me and how much it meant to me. I think that is why I like to help other girls when they first are going out, kind of my way of passing on the kindness she showed me. Sometimes it is the simplest things that touch people lives. any ways I spent Thursday thinking about this also and there really are a lot of little things people have done that really had an impact on my life and I thank them all. So, my wish for this Christmas, the gift I want is for everyone to think about this in your life and again it doesn’t have to be about who you are or even something recent, it may be a teacher, friend, family or just a random stranger. The other wish I have for Christmas is if you get the opportunity to help someone, to touch their life even if you think it is no big deal do it as to them it could be a life changing event. It was also nice to hear some of the things the other girls remember, it really was a great question for tonight.

Well, we talked for more and had a nice time and it was almost 9 before girls started signing off and as always once we lose one, we seem to lose several so by 9 it was once again just Melissa, Julie, Jan & Lynn and me. Now I like when we have a big group but also nice when it is smaller as it is easier to talk the only bad thing is as the group gets smaller, I know the night is coming to an end. Melissa signed off and then Julie and then Jan and Lynn and I ended the meeting about 9:30. Now I am looking forward to Christmas with my mom but for Susan it will be Saturday again before she gets some time again. Now before I washed away Susan and get ready for bed, I did get a few pictures.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life. Have a Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.

December 24, 2020 Posted by | Christmas, Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Saturday before Christmas as Susan

Well, I want to start off wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas as this will probably be my last blog till after Christmas. Yes, we will do a zoom meeting on Wednesday December 23rd but with the next day being Christmas Eve I probably won’t write that blog till Saturday. This will be a different year for Christmas but try to make it a good one.

Well, I had some things to do again early in the day, so it wasn’t till about 1 when I started getting ready and becoming Susan for the rest of the day. It was nice and relaxing as I took my time doing my makeup, it is such a shame that it is not normally acceptable for men to wear makeup. I was all ready for my day by 2:30.

Now I did need to go to the grocery store and pick some stuff up nit only for my Sunday dinner with my mom but also for Christmas dinner. Now it is funny as years ago I went and did my shopping for Susan as my male self, bought my clothes and makeup as my male self which was hard. Then I got to the point where I started doing my shopping as Susan for the things Susan needed. Then it was doing some of my shopping for my male self as Susan and my holiday shopping as Susan and now I am doing my everyday shopping as Susan, so I guess I have come full circle.

I got my purse, and it was out to my car and I was off to Fred Meyers to do a little shopping. Now I went to the one in Orchards which is about 10 minutes away and parked and went in. again it is amazing how normal this has become as I didn’t even hesitate, I just parked and got out of my car as though it was the most normal thing, yes with having to wear a mask it really does help one blend in. I grabbed a cart and started my shopping. There really is something about just doing something this simple and everyday activity. I spent about 30 minutes doing my shopping and then it was back home for the rest of the day.

I got home and put my groceries away and prepped my dinner for tomorrow with my mom and then I watched a Christmas movie. And wrote blog from Wednesday night’s zoom meeting with my friends, as I said I seem to always be a few days behind in getting them posted lately plus I kind of like to write them when I am Susan. although this I wasn’t able to do that.

It was about 5:30 when I stopped and made dinner and again this may seem pretty boring to some but there is something special about just doing everyday things as Susan. for years Susan was hidden away and never left the house and I thought she would never be a regular part of my lie and who I am but now she is. When I first started going out it was so exciting and such a rush and when I got home after a night out I was on such a natural high and it would take me a while to calm down now that did make being Susan special which is good but also meant she was not really part of my normal life and although I do miss that feeling I had when I went out back then it is so much better now as she truly is a part of me and my life and every bit as important as my male side. Now both sides of me are important and I need both and I know I talk more about the Susan part of my life but that is only because it has only been the last 10 years or so I have been able to truly embrace and accept this part of who I am.

I had dinner and then watched 2 more Christmas movies till it was time for bed. It will be sad when Christmas is over and my Christmas movies go away as they really have helped me get through the last few months staying at home. It was a good day and now I am looking forward to Wednesday nights zoom meeting with my friends.

Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent bog to see what is new in my life.

December 22, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Wednesday night zoom meeting with friends

Well, it is the 3rd Wednesday of December and yes Christmas is a little over a week away, hard to believe. With everything going on this year it really is amazing how fast this year is going by. Normally in December they announce the dates for Diva Las Vegas, but I think they are waiting to see what happens with the vaccines. With Diva Las Vegas canceled this year it has been 21 months since I have been to Las Vegas and that is to long.

I got home late from work tonight so once again it would be a rush. Now doing my makeup is something I really enjoy; I really think it is the most fun part of my transformation. Now as I did my makeup I called and talked to my mom. It was a fun time, and I was ready just before 7 so I had a few minutes to get a few quick pictures. I logged on at 7 and started the meeting and girls were already waiting to join.

Now we had a great turnout tonight as we had 14 windows open with 15 people, we had Julie. Jennifer, Jan & Lynn, Barb, Tori, Danielle, Danika, Grace, Melissa, Jeanie, Nicole, Trish, Rebecca and myself. It really is so great to have so many girls join us. It was great to see them all again and tonight was Rebecca’s first time joining us. She occasionally would join us on Wednesday night dinners, but she lives up by Seattle. She is also a member of the Emerald City t-girls up there and does zoom meeting with them. There group is going to do a New Years Eve zoom meeting party and they invited our group, as group in Vancouver BC, Sacramento, and St Louis so it could be really huge. Now I always have to work New Year’s Day so I don’t stay up late but may try to log on for a little bit. We all talked for a while and caught up on things going on.

Now it was time for Jennifer’s question of the week, this week’s question was about our group. What is good or bad about the group and how has it changed your life? Now for once we were all pretty much on the same page so I will give my views. Now this will also date me as for me growing up there was no internet it was just what you could find in the library, for those younger this was our form of google. You went and tried to find a book on the information you wanted. I grew up thinking I was the only one like this, that felt this way. I think so many of us grew up this way feeling we were all alone. I know for me growing up I stayed pretty much to myself and didn’t let others get to close for fear they would figure this about me. Now I only go into this as it really wasn’t till the internet that I found there were others like me.

Now that brings me to meeting the group. It was around Halloween of 2007 when I met Cassandra for the first time, and she invited me to join her group and even then, I was not ready, and it wasn’t till the spring of 2008 when I joined, and I must admit it changed my life in ways I could have never imagined. For the first time I wasn’t alone, I wasn’t the only one who felt this way and that was an incredible feeling. I never imagined having friends as Susan, but it is really more than that some of these girls are really more like family, sisters. It really is wonderful. So, first of all it is the family and friendships that this group has given me as that has made me a complete person, this is what the group means to me.

Now the next best thing is I had friends and at first it was e-mail and then text messaging, but we could coordinate when we would be out and where we would be. Wed could post in the group things we were doing and that was a game changer. One of the hardest parts of going out was to get someplace and not know what or who was inside. I can remember sitting in my car building up courage to get out of my car and go in. Now don’t get me wrong early on it still took effort to get out of the car and walk in but knowing some of my friends were inside waiting for me made it so much easier. I have closer and more trusted friends as Susan than my male self as I feel I can truly be who I am. I will say the group (Rose city T-Girls) is the best thing that has happened to me. Now several of the girls had the same feeling and all had really similar. To most it was knowing they could go out someplace and meet others and not being alone. This is such a big help. This really was a good question tonight. We actually talked about this for a long time. my advice is finding friends and surround yourself with people who love you for you and support you. I am not saying get rid of people in your life that aren’t totally supportive but find some that are, find a balance in your life.

Well, we all talked some more and had a wonderful time and again and it was almost 9 before girls started signing off and as always once 1 left, we lost several and by a little after 9 it was just Julie, Jan & Lynn, and me again. It was another wonderful evening. It was about 9:30 when we ended the meeting and I called it a night. Now I am again looking forward to Saturday when I will get to spend the afternoon and evening as Susan. by the way this is my 150th blog of the year meaning I have dressed at least part of 150 days this year which is a record, and it is also my 1399th blog since I started writing about my life as Susan. Thanks for reading my blog and sharing this part of my life with me. I really started this blog just for me and to record my life as Susan never thinking others would find it let alone read and follow it and just like our group, I have met some wonderful friends through my blog.

Be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

December 19, 2020 Posted by | friends, Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Saturday as Susan

Well, it is Saturday, and I had some things to do around the house early in the day, so it was around noon when I finally started my transformation to my female self. now the good thing about Saturdays as I can take as long as I want which is nice and today, I spent 2 hours getting ready starting with a nice long bath. I even trimmed my eyebrows and thinned them out more. It was very relaxing. It was about 2 when I was all dressed and ready for my day. Now of course I got some pictures.

Now I had no real plans for the day other then I did have to run to the store to get dinner for Sunday as I will once again have my mom over for the day. I did a little housework and then grabbed my purse and was off to the store for some shopping. Now it was just the grocery store but in a way it is special. Now I go shopping a lot at the malls, well maybe not as much anymore but that is shopping for Susan. today is just normal everyday shopping for some groceries. I love going out as Susan, but I think this is why I like the regular things like our Wednesday night dinners, going to Starbucks for a few hours or yes even just going grocery shopping.

I drove to Fred Meyers in Orchards and parked and went in and grabbed a cart and started my shopping. Now besides getting dinner for Sunday I also did some of my regular shopping, there is something wonderful about this. For years my male side did all the shopping including buying the stuff Susan needed. Then I started going out and Susan started buying her own stuff and now Susan is doing the shopping for both Susan and my male self, so I guess I have come full circle. Now I did talk to a lady in the produce section, she actually started talking to me first. She was probably in her mid-60’s and I am not sure if she knew I was trans or not. We started talking as we were both having trouble opening the little plastic bag to put your produce in. It really was fun even though it only lasted a couple minutes. Well, I finished my shopping and drove back home.

Once home I put my groceries away and prepped dinner for tomorrow, we are having boneless porkchops, baked potatoes and corn and I wanted I marinate my pork chops overnight. Yes, I am a pretty good cook at least for things I like to eat, and I am trying to eat more at home and a little healthier. Once this was done, I sat down and started watching some Christmas movies I have recorded from Hallmark channel. I watched TV till about 5:30 and then yes it was time for dinner. I had also picked up a chicken breast while shopping so that will be my dinner tonight. I made dinner and then back to my movies. Yes, it was a pretty boring day but spending it as Susan made it better.

I scheduled our Wednesday night zoom meeting for our group this week and sent it out. Now I am looking forward to that. Stay positive and bs safe and thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

December 15, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wednesday zoom meeting

Well, another Wednesday and that means time with my friends tonight in a video chat, I look forward to this all week. Now I have spent more time as Susan this year than any other year and yes, I have gotten out some where people can see me but spending time with my friends this year has been very limited, a couple shopping trips, 1 lunch and a couple small dinners. I am really missing spending time with my friends in person. This year has been challenging to say the least, but I am trying to stay on the positive side. I am hopefully things will be back to normal in a couple months. Now I know a lot of you are going to tell me it won’t be that soon but as I said I like to be positive. I believed it would be over by last Summer, then by the fall, then by Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. If it doesn’t happen that fast, I can always change but for me it really helps to have a goal or an end to this. Now you can believe what you want as to when this will end but try to stay positive and always look on the bright side of things.

I got home late again tonight but I will be able to take my time still and be ready by 7 but normally I am ready by 6 so I have time to call my mom and talk with her for a while but tonight I called her while I was doing my makeup and getting ready. Now my mom doesn’t know about Susan and as I have no plans to be Susan around her, I don’t see the need to tell her. It was fun as for me I was her daughter talking to her on the phone. I was all dressed by 6:55 so I had a few minutes to get a few pictures before out Zoom meeting. Now the problem with this time of year is it is dark before 5 so I have to try and get the pictures without natural light which is hard as I find my best pictures seems to be indirect natural light so tonight, I tried dimmer lights and some shadows to see how it would turn out and a few of them I think are really good like the very first picture in this blog, I really liked this one.

It was right at 7 when I started the meeting and there were 5 girls already waiting and more were joining as I approved girls. We had 14 windows open again this week with 15 girls, we had Jennifer, Julie, Nicole, Jan & Lynn, Cyndee, Danika, Grace, Stacy, Jeanie, Samantha, Trish, Tori, Kimberly and me. Now we did have another first-time girl to our Zoom meeting tonight, Stacy. She would come out occasionally with the group, so it was great to see her again and catch up. Cyndee also made it and was on video tonight which was awesome. Her daughter is staying with her right know but it turns out she has told her daughter well all her kids and they seem fine with it which is awesome. I know it is the normal in the Trans community, but we do have some members whose wives’, girlfriends, and family is very supportive and I think that is awesome. Now I know I may get in trouble here so read all and really think before you judge.

My being Susan is part of who I am, and I really need to express this side of myself and I feel everyone should accept me this way as it is who I am, and I think most of us feel this way, but I have to admit there is another side. I will use my brother as an example, my whole life I have known him as he is and if he suddenly came out as Trans, I would be supportive, but I must admit it would change things between us. He has always been my big brother; I would miss that part of our relationship. If he transitioned, I would have a new sister, but I would have lost my brother, things would be different at least on a small scale. You can’t know someone for your whole life and then find out they are someone else without feeling you lost something and yes you may love the person they are or have become but you have still lost something. Even myself I need both sides of who I am and if I transitioned, I would feel I lost something, part of who I am. All I am asking is imagine if your best friend suddenly was someone else and although you may support them and love them still there will be that little part that will miss the way things were. All I am saying is we are all connected in some way to others in some way and the things we do have an impact on others.

Well, we all talked for a while and got caught up on what is new in our lives. we are all tired of the lockdowns and looking forward to things getting back to normal where we can go out and have dinner in person. Now Jennifer had one of her questions tonight and it was a really good one but now 3 days later when I am writing my blog, I don’t remember what it was, but I know at the time I really wanted to remember it. Maybe I should have wrote that down like I do the girls who attend. Either that or write my blog faster.

Like normal it was about 8:30 when our first girl signed off and by 9 it was once again Julie, Jan & Lynn and me left online and we talked for a while. Julie signed off bout 9:15 and Jan, Lyn and I signed off about 9:30. It was a wonderful night but always sad to see it come to an end. Now I am looking forward to Saturday when I will get to spend the afternoon and evening as Susan, yes there is just something so relaxing and wonderful about doing my makeup and transforming myself to Susan.

Now this is the Christmas season and yes, I have my lights on my house and am listening to Christmas music and yes, I say Merry Christmas to people and not Happy Holiday’s as that is what I celebrate. If you want to wish me Happy Holidays that is fine, but I will answer back with Merry Christmas. That being said is Hanukkah starts on December 10th and for those who celebrate it I wish you a Happy Hanukkah.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

December 12, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Susan time on the first Saturday of December

Well, it is the first Saturday of December, wow how this year has flown by and Christmas is only 20 days away. Now I have all my Christmas shopping done as I did it the last 2 days yes, it is gift cards this year. Now I have been doing gift cards the last few years as they are easier, but this year was a little more challenging as I stayed away from gift cards for restaurants as with the shutdowns so many have closed, and I am sure more will so I stayed more with store cards that I figure will survive. No matter what is going on Christmas always brings out the best even during World War I there was a brief Christmas truce, it is worth the read especially in the tense political times we are in.

Well, I had some things to do early in the day well not too early as I slept in till 9 as I stayed up late last night. It was about 12:30 when I had things done and started my transformation. Now today I took my time as I wanted to try to come up with a good daytime look, so I went a little less on my eyeshadow and more neutral colors although I did a winged eyeliner and fully lined my eyes. It is hard to see in the pictures but it really does look nice so I tried to get just a picture of my eyes I was happy with the look, I also wore my new lipstick I bought yesterday, it is Maybelline Superstay lip ink in the color Savant. It is a mauve/pinkish

color and wow, I really like it; I think it is a perfect daytime color for me. It has a nice color, is bright but not overpowering.

I was ready by 2 and got a few pictures and did a little house cleaning and laundry. It was about 2:30 and I decided to go put flowers on my Dad’s grave as I haven’t done that in a while and today it was nice out, clear blue skies and 7 out but with the sun it was actually pretty warm out, in other words a perfect fall day. I grabbed my purse and was out to my car. Now as I pulled out to leave the neighbors across the street were just getting home so we passed on the street. Now my plan was to stop at Fred Meyers at Johnson creek and get flowers as that is close to the cemetery and it is about 23 miles and as I drove, I could see a line of clouds coming in from the southwest and it really was a line. I was about a mile from the exit when the sun disappeared behind the clouds. I got to Fred Meyers and parked and got a couple pictures in my car and went in to get my flowers and I also had to pick up some chips and dip as I will have my mom over tomorrow for the day. Now yes, they are on lockdown, but they will allow me to bring her to my house and I honestly believe the isolation and depression is far worse for her then the chance of the virus, we have to be careful, but we also can’t forget to live. I picked out my flowers and get the other things I needed and as I waled down one of the aisles a saw a lady looking at me and wondered what she thought of me but as I got close, she smiled, and could you help me can you reach me one of those and pointed at some Clorox wipes on the top shelf. Now she was probably 5′ at most and even I had trouble reaching them as the ones at the front of the shelf were gone. I guess I should have worn my heels but going to the cemetery I wore my pink and white tennis shoes. I got my stuff and got in line to pay and the young man in front of me briefly talked to me just casual chit chat like about the masks and what is going on, but it was nice.

Now as I left and walked out to my car, I noticed it was colder with the sun behind the clouds, maybe I should have brought my coat. I got in my car and it said it was 46 out now. As I drove the 3 miles up the hill to the cemetery, I watched the temperature drop to 42 out and I was really regretting not bringing my coat. I actually have a few of them now for Susan but I have never been a fan of coats. They really are something I wear only if I have to even on my male side. I got there and parked and walked to my Dad’s grave site and yes it was cold as there was also a wind here as it is on top of a hill. I put the flowers on the grave, but I only stayed about 5 minutes before I was to cold and by the time I got back to my car my hands were really cold, yes Susan will take a coat with her from now on till spring. The picture to the left at the cemetery probably shows the truest color of my new lipstick

I drove home and made dinner for myself and I will spend the rest of my day as Susan watching Christmas movies till, I go to bed. Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

December 5, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A little about my week and some unexpected time as Susan on Friday night

Some unexpected time as Susan on Friday night but first a little about my week. Now where I work, we have to wear face masks all the time which sucks but it does allow me to wear lipstick every day. Now I started off wearing nudes or ones with just a little color and over the last month I have gotten a little bolder and this week was my best as I wore bold bright reds every day, 3 of the days were my long wearing which takes baby oil to get off, actually when I got home at night it looked almost as it did when I left home. Now yes at work I do take my mask off to eat but I sit at my desk with my back to the door so unless I turn around no one would be able to see but still a little risk. Well, I bring this up as on Thursday I wore the same color I did for our Wednesday night Zoom meeting a deep wine color. Now I bring this up as Thursday on my way home I stopped to get my hair cut which I really needed and yes, I was a little worried as I kept thinking what if they cut the ear strap accidently and my mask fell off. I have been going to the same place with the same 3 ladies for 20 years now, so they know me. Well as she cut my hair and was trimming around my ears, I felt her pull the loop off my ear and I started to reach up, but she just held it there while she trimmed but it really caught me off guard. She also did the same thing on the other side.

Well, I got home and decided to do a simple eye makeup with some light browns and a light coat of mascara, it actually turned out well. It really didn’t stand out unless you were close to me. Well, I decided to go to Walmart as I wanted to get some gift cards to send out for Christmas gift and do a little shopping. I went through the checkout lane and got a really nice lady and we chatted, and she never said a thing, so I don’t know if she noticed but it was fun. Well, that brings me to Friday.

I got home from work about 4:30 and as I pulled into my garage my fuel light came on, I had meant to stop on the way home and didn’t. I decided to get something to eat and then do my makeup and go get some gas. Well, I ended up doing a full makeup look tonight including a winged eyeliner and it turned out really well. Now with my face all done up I went ahead and transformed to full on Susan. It felt good as it has been a long week, my Mom is on lockdown again as they had an employee test positive on Thursday so she can’t leave her room and they are waiting to hear from the State how long it will be, and they are telling me it could be between 14 to 28 days and if it is 28 days that would mean she will be by herself through Christmas and New Years and that is not acceptable. I don’t know what we will do but she will not be alone on Christmas.

Well, I was all dressed and I got a quick picture and grabbed my purse and was off to get gas. I went to the Fred Meyers on Mill Plain and as I was filling up, I got thinking. Now this month when I shop at Walmart, I get 5% back on my credit card and I use this and so I decided to run back over to Walmart and pick up some gift cards for me, I need to refill my Starbuck app and I can add a card to do that and I also go to Panda Express, Subway so that was my plan. I left the gas station and drove over to Walmart and went in, the lady at the door told me she liked my hair which was nice. I grabbed a cart as I figured while I was here, I might as well pick up some more groceries as I didn’t want to just get the gift cards. I even checked out the makeup and picked out a new shade of lipstick well I really didn’t need another one, but I wanted one. I picked up a few more gift cards and got in line behind 3 people. Now the next check stand opened, and the lady asked for the next person, so I waited for the 3 people in front of me to go over, the man in front of me only had 3 items and they all just stood there. She asked again and no one moved so I figured I waited long enough and went over and started putting my groceries on the belt. Now as I did this, I looked at the lady working the register and it was the same one that I went through yesterday and now I was wondering if she would recognize me from yesterday. Well if she did she didn’t say anything.

Now it was back home to relax and watch some TV till bed, it was a good to enjoy it. Life can be trying and hard sometimes and it is so important to have something you enjoy and makes you happy as it adds balance to your life so my advice to you is find this in your life.

Thanks for reading my blog and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

December 5, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time | , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Wednesday Zoom meeting

Well, it is Wednesday night again and I get to spend a few hours again with my friend in a video chat on Zoom. I look forward to this every week as it is really the only contact, I have with my friends because if the virus right now. We are living in a tuff time right now, but I like to look on the bright side and chose to believe this will all be over by Spring and our lives will be back to normal. Now that may not happen, but I will reevaluate in the spring if things haven’t changed.

I got home a little before 5 so I had time to enjoy getting ready and doing my makeup. I really like doing my makeup and yes, I have had a lot of practice this year. The fact I am being Susan at home more this year I am more willing to try new looks as if I don’t like the way it turns out I have the time to re do it plus no one else sees it. When we were going out to dinners, I really didn’t want to try new looks or [lay with the makeup because if I didn’t like it or messed it up some way it would be hard to fix it or re do it and still make it out to meet my friends and yes, I do occasionally mess it up or just don’t like the look and start over. I have a couple lipstick colors that really don’t look that good on me unless I do a darker foundation, more of a deep suntan look and that is a hard look to get right as it is easy to get to much or dark and then my face just looks dirty. I was all done with my makeup and liked how it turned out tonight, more browns for my eyes tonight and not as dramatic.

I was dressed by 6:15 and took a few pictures, I tried to get some with low lighting and shadows tonight so curious what you think and yes one is in my front room with my Christmas laser lights on me. I also called my mom and we talked for a while. I logged on to Zoom right at 7 and there was one girl waiting and before she had fully logged in more showed up and they were popping up faster than I could approve them. We had a great turnout tonight probably one of our biggest as we had 14 windows open with 15 girls tonight. We had Jan & Lynn, Julie, Jennifer, Nicole, Melissa, Danielle, Trish, Cyndee, Barb, Dawnie, Tori, Jeanie, Grace and me tonight. I think we have had 14 windows a couple times before but that is the most we have had. We really have had good participation for our zoom meetings, and it is giving our group a chance to interact with each other and also, we have gotten a few new girls to join also which is really awesome.

Well tonight Barb joined us for her first Zoom meeting which was nice, and we got a chance to catch up with what is new in her life. Cyndee also made it tonight although all she could do was listen. Also, Grace made her second week, so it was a good night. Well, we spent a little time just taking turns talking and catching up on what is new in our lives. now it was time for one of Jennifer’s questions, the question tonight was with everything going on this year what was something that was good about this year. Now I am sure there have been lots of good things that happened this year for me but the one thing that stood out was I got my ears pierced. Now that may not seem that big of an event but for me it was. I have wanted to get my ears pierced for more then 10 years and just couldn’t get up the courage to do it for fear of what people would say, as a matter of fact 7 years ago I really thought about it as I figured I could tell people it was for my 50th birthday. Now with all that worry after I got them pierced in March, I bet there was less then 10 people who said anything and all they really said was you got your ears pierced and a few of them told me it looked good on me. It really was a nonevent although I have clear posts I wear when I am around my mom and I haven’t seen my brother since I got them pierce because of the virus but for me this was a big event this year and yes, I love the earrings I can wear.

Now some of the girls really had big events. Melissa came out at work in the spring and is now full time which was huge for her and we are all so proud of her. Now I have no plans to transition but I think it is great for those who need to can and live as their true self. Jennifer came out to her children and brothers and sisters and they have all accepted her which is awesome. Julie also came put to her daughter who has accepted her, and it sounds like her daughter is going to meet Julie and they are going to go out together which is awesome. These are all huge and make my getting my ears pierced seem minor:

Well by 8:30 we had a couple girls sign off and by 9 it was just Julie, Jan & Lynn me left online. I really do like the fact we get a lot of girls for these meetings, but it is also nice towards the end when there are just a few of us as it is easier to talk as we don’t have to wait as long to get in. the same goes when we had our Wednesday night dinners. It was great a lot of girls came out, but it was hard to talk with all of them. We talked till about 9:15 when Julie signed off and about 15 minutes later Jan and Lyn signed off and closed the meeting. It is always sad when it comes to an end but now I am looking forward to Saturday when I will spend the day as Susan, not sure what I will do but if the weather is nice I may b=go put flowers on my Dads grave.

Stay safe and keep a positive outlook on life. Thanks for reading my blog ad be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

December 4, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, zoom | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment


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