Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Interesting quick Saturday morning post

Okay this is not my normal post as most of my posts are about by time going out as Susan but I just had to share this. Now normally when I gat home on Friday nights I am tired and I just want to go to bed and as such I don’t remove my makeup. I know this is bad as everything I have read says you shouldn’t sleep in your makeup as it is not good for your skin but I figure 1 night a week is okay plus I wash my sheets on Saturday so I can clean any makeup off of them. Now the other reason I do this is on Saturday mornings I get up and write my blog about Friday night and although I really don’t dress just to stay at home I enjoy the time writing my blog as Susan so on Saturday morning I get up and touch up my makeup and I have a really casual red dress that I have used for when I am just at home that I put on and then my dark hair and I go downstairs.

I make some oatmeal for breakfast and eat as I do my blog. Now one reason I don’t dress and stay home as I really want to go out when I am Susan but the other reason is I am afraid someone especially family will stop by. Now my parents have a code to get into my garage as I am storing some of their stuff in my garage and of course once in the garage they could come into the house. Any way because of this I sit in the front living room facing the front window with the curtains open about half way so I can see if a car pulls into my drive plus I can also hear the garage door open in this room and this has happened on a few occasions and I had  to run upstairs and get in the shower. Now I have had a few close calls over the last few years. The problem is the unexpected.

Well I was sitting their this morning eating breakfast and writing my blog when I saw something move outside my front window, someone had walked up my front sidewalk, there was no car in the drive but I heard a knock on the front door. Now of course I had that moment of panic as I wondered who it was. I figured it was someone walking around selling something or maybe leaving political flyers. I thought about getting up and going into the kitchen incase they so they wouldn’t see me if they looked through the window.

Before I could get up and moved I saw someone looking through the window and I had that panic again as it was the neighbor lady, not one of the ones who knows about Susan at least not that I know. Now I am on the far side of the room and of course it is not real bright inside so I am sure she didn’t get a really good look at me but she waved at me and went back and knocked on the door again. Now I was caught between a rock and a hard space as she has seen someone and new there was someone home. I thought for a brief second and then got up and walked to the front door. I took a deep breath  and while standing kind of behind the door I opened it a couple inches, enough to talk with her. now she really couldn’t see me except for just a little bit of my face.

She asked if I was home using my male name. I as calmly as I could told her no he wasn’t. She asked when I would be home as she had no hot water and didn’t know what to do and was hoping I could come look at it. I told her he ( I ) should be home in about an hour and would let him know. she thanked me and left. I don’t know if she knew or recognized me. I went back and finished my breakfast thinking about what had just happened.

After breakfast I went and took a shower being sure to get all traces of makeup off. now back to my male self I had to work up the courage to go next door to my neighbors and see if I could help her. Now I think I more more worried and scared going over there lie this wondering if she new it was me or if she would say something about it or ask me who the woman was that answered my door.

I walked next door and checked things out, looks like she had just tripped a circuit breaker so I reset it. She thanked me for my help and we talked for a few minutes before I left and went back to my house. She never said anything about the person who answered the door or gave any indications she suspected anything.

After wards I wondered what she would have thought if I had just opened the door to her and let her meet me. Two of my neighbors do know about Susan and they seem fine with my this but they have never met Susan face to face. Maybe some day.

Well that was how my Saturday morning started off and it has made an interesting blog. Thanks for reading

January 23, 2016 Posted by | Almost Caught | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Friday and the end of a long week.

Well Friday finally got here and the end to a long and exciting week for Susan. It has been a busy week not only for my male side but also for Susan as Susan will be out 4 nights in a row this week which really is a lot. I usually try to go out as Susan twice a week as I find this is good for me but things came up this week and Susan got more time just as there are weeks when Susan can’t get time to go out. Now I am not saying that one hast to limit their time when they are a crossdresser but this is what works for me. It is true Susan is a big part of whom I am but so is my male side and for me I think having a healthy mix of the two is very important.

Well I got home from work later than normal and my two neighbor families were out talking as my next door neighbors had just bought a new vehicle and they were looking at it so I went over and talked with them for a bit. After a bit the husband and kids went off and it was just me and the two neighbor ladies still talking when the one looked at me and said, we saw you on TV yesterday. I knew immediately what she was talking about and I am sure I looked like a deer caught in headlights and of course my first words were what. Now I knew what she said but needed that little pause to think what to say and the funny thing is I wasn’t trying to think of a way out or to convince them it wasn’t me but rather how to word it for them. She repeated the statement and I said yes that was me and that I was a crossdresser and liked to dress up. I also felt the need to explain that I wasn’t transitioning to female or planning surgeries and I was not gay even without them asking those questions. Not that being a transsexual or gay is wrong or I am somehow better it is just that, that is not who I am and not what is right for me, just like for me dressing a couple times a week is right and others may dress everyday or once or twice a year. We are all different in our own way.

There are good things about this and also bad but as I have said in previous blogs I knew it would happen at some point and all I can do is deal with it and move on. And really there are more benefits to this then not. The really only big issue is the fact once someone else knows your secret it is never truly a secret again as you never know if they have told others, you lose that control over it. On the plus side it gave me a chance to talk with them briefly at least about it and it will make it a lot easier for me to get out as Susan. Now I am not planning on just walking out my door to get the mail as Susan or work in my yard as this is still something I do for me plus I also don’t want everyone to know and would like to keep it as quiet as possible so I am hoping they will keep it to themselves. I also found out their husbands know so really 4 people have found out. Actually they are the first and only ones I know that met me first as my male self and now know about Susan. We talked a bit and they seemed supportive of me and the actions we took against the P-Club which was nice. Who knows we may even become closer neighbors because of they as they really are good neighbors but I always kept a distance because of this side of me. It will be interesting going forward now. Oh the other thing is they found my blog so have read a lot about me as Susan and of course have seen my many, many pictures. This probably explains why I had my biggest day for views on my blog.

This also has me concern that they recognized me from the TV and now am wondering who else saw me and knows. Now on the plus side the one neighbor had seen me drive away once for sure and I know they have seen a woman driving my car so I am hoping they were already wondering and maybe seeing me on TV put it together. No one at work has said anything yet and I am keeping my fingers crossed on that but then you never know as they may not say anything even if they do know but I hope they would just like my neighbors did that was we could talk about it.

Well it was getting late now and time for me to get ready to go out with my friends which is the other thing, even with the revelation to my neighbors and the fact they knew I still wanted to go out and never really thought any other way. Thinking back just a couple years I would have denied everything and probably swore off dressing. Well I got all ready and I must be getting good at becoming Susan as my mind was still going over the fact my neighbors new and not concentrating on getting ready and still did a good job and was out the door in a little over an hour. I got to sweethome a little after 7 and Chris was the only one from our group there so far but that was no surprise as today was the first real rain we have had in 3 months so traffic was horrible but luckily for me I go the opposite way the rush hour traffic goes to get here. About 7:30 Cassandra showed up and then others came. I told Cassandra and Chris about my neighbors and Cassandra was shocked, her words were with all the times she had been on TV over this and no one has said a thing to her and I am on for 10 seconds and my neighbors figured it out, wow. She actually is like me and wishes her neighbors would just come up and say we know about you so she could talk with them about it and not feel she has to hide. It is that funny feeling you want to tell others but you don’t.

Anyway we had an average turnout for our group about 12 including Bob and his girlfriend Tanya who I found out later is not his girlfriend but just friends. She is a GG that just likes hanging out with our group as we are so much fun. The Karaoke group as they are known started to show up. They come here every Friday night for Karaoke and tonight was there monthly theme night so they were all in costume, how fun is that. Being there theme night they had a really good turnout. They probably had 30 in there group so the place was packed and they had some really good costumes. Cassandra invited them to her Halloween party on the 27 which I already have my costume for but one of their group is already having a party that night which is too bad as they really are a fun group and have no problem with our group being there.

I did play pool and my first game was against Cassandra who is the best player in our group so if you can win against her it is a good night and that is what I did. It was a good close game but I made a couple really good shots at the end to win so my night was good. My next game was against Bobbie and this was my best game ever as I did something I have never done before, I sunk the 8 ball on the break winning the game in one shot. I actually won 5 games before losing on the 6 to Lorraine. She was on fire and I suddenly could sink a ball. Lorraine is a GG we met at P-club and liked hanging out with us so when we got asked to leave the P-club she quit going there and comes to Sweethome every once in a while.

It was a really fun night and several of our group sand Karaoke including Cassandra this week. It was a blast and our group mingled with the Karaoke group and we all had a blast. Actually we stayed there till 2 am and the funny thing is they were still busy at this time so looks like our group is not driving away business. It was a really fun night and a good way to end a long week.

Thanks for reading and I will keep you up to date on what happens with my neighbors.

October 13, 2012 Posted by | Almost Caught, Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Friday the 13th at the P-Club

Well it is Friday night and I am ready to go out and spend a fun night with my friends. After missing last Friday I have really been looking forward to tonight. Most of the day was sunny and warm so I decided to wear my little white skirt with a black top but by the time I got all ready it was raining out but who cares so I went ahead and wore it as I still felt it was cute even if the sun had gone away.

Now today is Friday the 13th so I wondered how many girls would be out as I know some people are very superstitious about these things, myself have never really paid any attention to these things as I feel if something is going to happen or go wrong it will. Well I left my house and started down the street and as I got to the corner here comes my next door neighbor around the corner and right by me. This is the same neighbor who saw me leaving the house last year and asked if I had lent my car to a friend a couple days later. Not it was not bright sun light like last year so not sure how good of a look she got at me but I am sure she could tell it was not my male self driving. It will be interesting next time we talk while out doing yard work which with the weather will be more and more now. But this was not going to stop my fun or ruin my night as Susan did not care, she will let my male self deal with it later.

Now I got to the P-Club right at 7:30 and there were already 5 or 6 girls there and for the first time in a long while I was there before Cassandra. Well more girls started to show up and I think we probably had 12 to 15 girls there which is a little smaller than normal but I am blaming it on being Friday the 13th.

I had a good chance to talk with Cassandra and Cristine about their upcoming trip to Diva Las Vegas, I am so jealous of them as I really wanted to go again this year. I guess I will just have to live vicariously through them for the week. I know they will have such a wonderful time. Cristine has gone through the airport there several times bit she has not been in the city itself since the 1950’s so she is in for a real treat. They leave next Friday morning so they will miss the next two Friday nights. I so look forward to hearing all about it and seeing their pictures.

Diva Las Vegas is a get together of Transgender people from all over the world. It is not a convention like most are but a vacation. They have events all over the city and it is not centered around any one place or hotel, they do have 4 hotels they recommend just so you know where people will most likely be but you can stay any place you want. There is no fee to attend you just pay for the things you want to do and you are free to participate in as many or few events as you want. It really is no different than going on a vacation with your friends. The last two years were so much fun and I made some awesome friends there, I will really miss not seeing them this year.

Well we all ordered some food and just sat around and talked, I had their chicken tenders as they are easy to eat without messing up my lipstick which is very important. I think T-girls are more worried about messing up their lipstick then GG’s are as all the girls in our group drink through a straw. It is funny to see all the beer glasses with straws sticking out of them.

It was a quieter night at the P-Club then the last time I was there but we still had people that came up and talked with us which is always nice. I guess we are now regulars there and seem to be treated as such. I made a real effort to try to talk to all our girls at some point this evening which is a little easier with a smaller group but I still think I missed one or two as they were also moving around chatting with people. It was a very enjoyable evening.

The other strange thing is I think this is the first time we have been there that no one from our group played pool or shuffle board, the whole evening revolved around conversation. It was very nice and as strange as it sound the evening went just as fast as always. It really amazes me how fast the night can go when you are with friends, we were there 6 hours and it just flew by.

Well it was late, after 1:30 when the last of us left. We all went up and paid our bills and I found out something new, turns out if you open a tab for your food and drink, when you close it out at the end of the night and leave a tip the tip goes to those still working. The reason I bring this up is Nicole who by the way is awesome usually gets off before they close but she is the one who always serves me and most of the group and the main reason I leave a good tip. Now I find out she has not been getting them all the time. Don’t get me wrong the other people there are awesome also and deserve a good tip but I did not know this, I guess it is the blonde in me showing through. I so love using my Susan credit card that I never really have cash in my purse but this will change as I plan on having some money so I can tip her if she leaves early.

Well it was a fun night and we all said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. It is always sad when such a fun evening ends. Saturday night I will see some of them again as we have tickets to Harvey’s Comedy club. There are 7 of us going for sure and 4 more maybes. I hope Saturday evening we have more sign up as it really is a fin night out. I will of course have my camera and hopefully remember to use it but then again I am blonde.

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend.

April 14, 2012 Posted by | Almost Caught, P-Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Fantastic night at the P-Club

Well it was another fantastic Friday night at the P-Club. In my last post I had mentioned possible issues with the P-Club owner well I got to talk to a couple of our members and a couple of the staff and found out it pretty much is just rumor. The owner has not said he does not want us there although he is worried about the business the economy has affected him just like any other business. But it was nice to hear we are still welcome there. I just wanted to clear this up as I hate spreading rumors.

Well as I was ready to leave I did my normal look out the front window to see if anyone way out, my neighbors were gone so this would be easy. Went into the garage and got in car, put seat belt on and started it up. Opened the door and pulled out and turned on to my street to leave, how easy this was till I saw my neighbors car. She was just getting home and only two houses down driving right at me. There was nothing I could do at this point but keep going. I was driving right into the sun so I could not see very well but with the sun coming through my windshield it was like I was in a spot light. Low cut dress with my cleavage showing. Long blonde wig, long read nails on the steering wheel. And face all made up with bright red lipstick. I don’t talk to her that often but next time will be interesting what or if she says anything. I may never know if she saw and realized it was me unless she says something.

Well as it was nice out I chose to wear my little black dress. It is probably my favorite as it really shows my cleavage when I do it right and with my new suntan I got the other day it really works. Plus I knew Melissa had bought a new dress so I wanted to look my best. I got there right at 7:30 and I was the first one there so I got a table and sat down. Strange a couple years back I would have sat in the car and waited till I saw someone else go in now it does not matter.

I was only there for a few minutes when Michelle (a GG) I met several months ago there came over to talk to me, she is so nice and usually always stops and says hi when we are there. She told me how great I looked and we chatted a few minutes. She called the guy she was with over and introduced him to me. She said she wanted him to meet the hottest girl there wow what a compliment, I felt great and the night was off to a wonderful start. I failed to get any pictures last night but I have a picture of Michelle and me in a blog I wrote a while back.

Soon others started to show up, Cassandra, Melissa and Wilma were the first to show. Melissa (who is a GG) had on a really cute dress she had just bought and some 5″ heels again, reason I wore the dress I did. She looked great. I was teasing her that we were making her more of a girly girl hanging out with us.

Wilma was back in town and made it out with us. It has been maybe 3 months or so since she has been out so it was great to see her again and catch up on things you know a little girl talk. Of course we did this while we ate. Later on we played partners in shuffle board. In all we played 2 games and we won both. Wilma has not lost her touch at shuffle board.

Petra and Victoria also were there. Petra has been out a couple times over the last several months but it has been many months since I have seen Victoria. Victoria is Petra’s wife and she has her own transformation business for transgender people here in the Portland area. I have never used her service but know many who do and they all look great and have nothing but wonderful things to say about her. If you are ever in the Portland area and want a makeover check her out at over the rainbow. They are both awesome people.

Julie was also out and I bet it has been almost a year since I have seen her. She doesn’t get out often and not usually on the weekend so this was an awesome treat. She is married and only gets out when her wife is away, wife has no idea. She is one of our groups little dancers as she loves to dance.

Later on another GG, Cindy who we met several months ago came over and sat with us for a while. She likes to dance and has been going to the P-Club for 18 years. She is another of the regulars that like us there and always stops and talks to us. We had a great time and she is so nice.

Wilma brought her chess board so I played a game against Jan. now I have only played a couple games in the last 15 years so very rusty and Jan has not played much either so it was a pretty even match. Victoria came over and thought it was great, not that I won but the fact you don’t see two blonde T-Girls playing chess (or a thinking game) in a bar very often. I was happy as I won, not bad for a blonde girl. The next game was against Wilma who plays a lot on her computer so I was out matched. I started off good and then made a bad move. Towards the end I was down to just my Queen, Bishop and some pawns and Wilma still had her Queen, both her Rooks, a bishop and a horse. I got lucky and managed to put her in check and then things just went my way. She had to keep moving to get out of check so she could not come after me and in the end I put her in check mate with just my Queen and bishop.

Well it was an awesome night again and I Think we were there till 2 am this week. Just a fun night out with the girls and so glad to hear that things are still cool with our group at the P-Club.

July 9, 2011 Posted by | Almost Caught, P-Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Quick little shopping trip

Well as I said my schedule is messed up for the next few weeks because of vacations at work so I found myself off today and decided it was a good day for a quick shopping trip. I went to Lloyd Center as It usually is not very crowded plus I don’t know anyone who lives in the area so less chance of running into someone I know. I got there right after 10 am and parked by Nordstrom’s as I need some more foundation and the only thing I can find that gives me good coverage is MAC Studio Fix. Now my plan was to walk the mall and do some shopping, probably mostly window shopping but still fun so I would get my foundation on the way out so I just walked through Nordstrom’s and out into the mall. As I thought it was not really that crowded.

I walked all the way to the other end to Sears as this way I could shop my way back. Sears always has clearance racks and you can usually find some good deals. As I was browsing the racks there were several other women also looking for deals and they seemed to pay me no attention. I found some cute tops but none in my size and also a really cute skirt but the same problem so I went over and started checking out the regular racks, a little more money but hey it doesn’t hurt to look. I turned to look at another rack and I saw a lady I work with and her Sister (who I don’t know as well) looking at the clothes. I quickly turned the other way and went to the next rack over. I don’t know if I was really scared or just startled by them but either way I kept my distance. After about 5 minutes they moved off and left Sears and I had the chance to look around some more. When I was done and ready to walk back down the mall I thought again that I know they are someplace in the mall so I would have to really pay attention as I did not want to be surprised again and maybe walk right into them.

I walked back down the mall to Torrid’s which I have shopped before, they tend to cater to the plus size women and so most things will fit me. I spent about 10 minutes in here mostly looking at their jewelry as the last time I was there they had the bangle bracelets I like. The sales lady Asked if I needed any help and I said no but we ended up talking about the bracelets. I picked out a really nice set of gold ones to buy. The sales lady told me they were a buy one get one half price so I went ahead and bought a second set of silver bracelets.

Once again I was out in the mall and still on the lookout for the lady I work with. I made it back down to Nordstrom’s and went to the MAC counter to get my foundation. The sales lady was very nice and even gave me some advice; she told me I could go a little darker foundation during the summer if I wanted. I thought about it but went with what I know works for me. Who knows I may go back and get a little darker at some point in the future? It was almost noon by now and I had been there for almost two hours so I decided to leave. I never did see the lady I work with and I am almost positive she never looked at me so I am okay but what a rush. Who would have thought I would run into someone I know on a Monday.

Well on my way home I was not ready to be all done so I stopped at the Starbuck’s I go to on Wednesday evenings so I can update my blog. I was shocked how busy they are. There is only one table inside, right by the window in the sun which is where I am sitting now and 5 of the six tables outside are full. I am guessing 20 people outside and at least that many inside. Again who would think on a Monday afternoon they would be this busy. But it is still a fun way to pass a couple hours. Well I need to catch up on my e-mails. I will be out this Wednesday again here at Starbuck’s and I will post more than. Have a great week. J

Oh my God I cannot believe my luck. A lady I use to work with and her husband just walked into the Starbucks and are at the counter 5 feet from me. She quit about 3 months ago so I haven’t seen her sense then but I know them both pretty well as I have been to several parties at their house. I never even thought about it but they only live about 4 miles from here. Luckily they are facing the counter and not me. I am okay as with the way I am sitting my hair covers most of my face. I felt so much better once they left till they sat at the only open table right outside the door and our facing the door. I am stuck as I would have to walk right towards them to leave which would give them a pretty good look at me so I guess I will spend a little more time here than I planned. The good thing is the windows are a little tinted so I can see out better than they can see in. Well I guess I will get another drink and get back to my e-mails.

Well Katie came into work today which was so nice as I have not seen her in over a month. She really startled me as I did not see her walk up just heard her say how nice I looked today. As I looked up I thought it was going to be the lady I worked with, my heart almost stopped till I saw it was Katie. She is working some evenings again so hopefully I will see her more. I asked about Shavonie and she told me she had left, she moved over to Beaverton as her dad was needing help. Well it has been almost an hour and the lady I worked with and her husband just left so I can now safely leave and head home. What a fun day and to run into people I know at two different places miles apart. What are the odds on that, it may be a while before I try going out on a Monday again but then it is really rare I have one off work.

August 2, 2010 Posted by | Almost Caught, shopping, Starbucks, T-girl | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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