Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Friday night and the whole evening to enjoy some Susan time

Well it has been anther busy week and I am ready for the weekend. I got home late but I am still going out as my Susan time is important to me. I started getting ready with a nice shower at 5:45, it was really hot today so I really needed this. Then came makeup, dress, hair and lastly nails and I was ready a little before 7 and on my way.

I got to Sweet Home by 7:20 and went in. They created a little outdoor patio which I guess is nice but it also took 3 of their 6 parking spots away, luckily I got 1 of the 3 left. Now I was the first one here and possible the only one that might show up tonight as I know Chris is out of town. It is funny as a few years ago I would never have gone to a bar as Susan if I thought I would be the only one. But I am okay with it now and also I wanted to make sure someone was there in case some of the other girls came out. I had my computer and I do know a several of the regulars that come here plus I needed to get dinner. I figured I would give it till 9 and if no one else showed up then I may head home.

Kelsie was there and I got to talk to her for a bit before I got my computer out. It was actually kind of slow here right now and it could be because of the heat as it is in the mid 90’s. One of the reasons I wore my black and white dress as it is very thin and light and of course water proof mascara. Well I got my computer out and caught up on some e-mails. Cristine showed up a little before 8 so now I had another girl there so I would be staying later. We ordered dinner and talked for a bit mostly about the Supreme Court and their rulings this week. In case you didn’t hear they ruled bans on Gay marriage were unconstitutional. Now I will probably put my foot in my mouth here but here goes anyway.

The gay marriage debate here has been a hot button issue and people on both sides have strong feelings and beliefs. I look at it the same way I do as my crossdressing, I don’t believe or feel everyone has to like my crossdressing or support it but they do need to recognize my right to crossdress. In other words you don’t have to invite me over for dinner or go out with me but you can’t tell me I can’t dress and go out someplace. Most people I think get this but there are those on both sides that don’t. I have heard those who oppose it say that the gays are pushing their beliefs on them which in some cases are true and those who support gay marriage calling the other side bigots, racists and even terrorist. Neither of these are true in most cases. Just because you don’t support gay marriage and speak out against it or try to stop it in a legal way does not make you a bad person as you have the right to your beliefs. It only becomes wrong when you try to use force or intimidation to get your way. Those who support gay rights when they attack those who don’t believe the same as they do or try to paint them as bad people are just as wrong. We are all entitled to our own views and beliefs and it is only wrong when we hurt someone else in doing that and before you say it is hurting someone to believe the opposite. That is wrong. I will explain this the best I can. I am against abortion as I believe all life is precious and it is murder to kill an unborn baby no matter how early. My belief and view. I also believe the law allowing abortion is wrong and if it came to a vote I would vote against it. This is not about a woman’s right to choose but about a living unborn person. If I knew someone who was going to have an abortion I would try to talk them out of it. Now this is my right, I would not attack a person who wanted an abortion nor attack a clinic that does abortions as by law they have that right and I have no more right to force them to follow my belief then they do to force their belief on me. I believe we can have these differences and still live together in peace and harmony if we just put aside hate and recognize each other’s rights. If you don’t support gay marriage then don’t marry someone of the same sex, don’t invite them to dinner but also don’t attack them. I guess the saying I am looking for is “live and let live”. We live in a society that has become so black and white (not about races). It is my way or no way and that is wrong on both sides. If I want you to accept my right to crossdress and go out I also have to recognize your right to not like it and not want to be involved with my crossdressing. It is a few people that cause problems and we try so hard to figure out why.

The confederate flag is just that it is a flag a piece of cloth. To some it means white supremacy to others it is means a symbol of oppression but it is still just a flag and the only power it has is what we read into it the flag is not the problem it is the people who use it for what they believe. The gun in the shooting was not the problem it was the man who did the shooting. The car or alcohol is not the problem it is the person that has too much to drink and then drives. We tend to look for what causes these issues and in all of them it comes down to people, not things or beliefs. We need to learn to get along with each other and work together and respect each other. So I will make you a deal, I will not tell you that you have to crossdress as long as you don’t tell me I can’t. Wow got a little off topic there so back to Friday night.

I had my computer on and was in paltalk chatting with Melissa who is so fun to chat with. Well I was in Cassandra’s chat room and she messaged me asking how long Cristine and I would be there as she was thinking of coming out tonight. I told her as long as we knew she was coming we would stay there so she was on her way. She got there about 9:30 and joined us. It was good to see her as she has been on vacation for a couple weeks. The 3 of us sat and talked some more. It was a good night.

Heather was also here tonight and came over and talked to us. She is so awesome and fun. She is one of the many people we have met since we started coming here and I look forward to seeing them also. Dawni also came over when she got there and talked with me for a bit. She had this really cute corset on so of course we she told me where she got it. I have a corset I got for my wonder woman costume but it is not a really good one. She also showed e picture of her and Mareinna when they went out last night. It was a really good night and a great start to the weekend. It was about 11:30 when we called it a night, iy was a slow drive home as there was a traffic accident on the freeway that had all but the right shoulder blocked, at least 4 cars. It took me 25 minutes to go a half mile.

Thanks for reading

June 27, 2015 Posted by | Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thursday night and was able to get out briefly for a pedicure.

Well I have been so busy so much going on in my male side that Susan has not been able to gat out as much. I am still managing my Friday nights out but my mid week outings have been really hard. I have been trying to get out for a manicure and pedicure for 2 weeks now and I really needed it. I got home late tonight and decided to call and see if Anna at Dream nails could fit me in. Well it worked out and I had an appointment at 6 so I had to rush to make it.

Now I knew tonight would be a quick outing but it was worth it. I started getting ready at 5 and was out the door by 5:50, luckily Dream nails is just a couple blocks away so I got there right before 6. now it was hot today almost 90 but the next several days will be even hotter. I figured being a really hot day it would be slow, wow was I wrong. there were 6 woman in there getting pedicures and 2 sitting waiting for their nails to dry. I picked out my nail color as I waited.

Anna was finally ready for me and I took my seat between 2 other woman, actually 1 on my left and 5 to my right. turns out they have been busy all day long. I guess hot days are when woman go to the nail salon. Well I sat and chatted a little with the woman on either side of me. This was really fun. I really love going to the nail salon, it is a real shame men don’t get their nails done.

Now the last 2 times I have come here I got gel polish on my fingers but as I have been only getting to the nail salon every 5 to 6 weeks they grow out and the gel polish looks bas as it is thick. actually this time it has been almost 7 weeks and I really needed tonight. any way I decided to go back to regular clear polish as it is cheaper and easier for me to maintain between visits.

Now the pedicure was so wonderful, very relaxing. Well it was time for my manicure. As I was sitting there and Anna was doing my fingers I was looking at my toes and they looked so cute. in a brief moment and probably without thinking I told her to go ahead and use the same color on my fingers knowing full well I would have to remove the color later tonight. Anna did my fingers and they looked so pretty. It was about 7:30 when I walked out with my beautiful fingers and toes.

Before going home I did stop at this gas station by my house and got gas just to extend my Susan time a little. I was out for less then 2 hours and I admit it was a lot of work to get ready for such a short outing but so worth it.

Well I got ready for bed, removed my makeup and then finally, sadly removed my polish from my fingers. here is what my toes (and my fingers briefly) look like. Girls are so lucky to be able to do this all the time.



June 26, 2015 Posted by | Manicure & pedicure | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Last Friday of Spring as summers starts on Sunday

Well it has been another long and busy week for my male side and it is really cutting into my Susan time but sometimes life has priorities that you can’t get away from. I may not be to get out s regular, my 2 time a week but I am still making time for her as she is a big part of who I am. It’s just it will be a lot more last minute outings the planning a head and that is okay. Any way it is Friday night and yes I am able to go out tonight so it will be fun. I got home a little early and so I decided to get ready early so I could have more time out. Now tonight I tried a new Smokey eye look by blending some of my black eye shadows with my browns and it really turned out nice. I will have to remember how I did it.

I was ready before 6 and on my way to Sweet Home but got caught in traffic so it was still 6:30 when I got there. Chris and Samantha were here already. Samantha gets to Portland every once in a while and will come out with us which is always nice so it was good to see here and talk with her. Now our normal table was taken so we were one table back which was fine although when Karaoke started we couldn’t see the singers from the table. Now I did get my computer out and catch up on some e-mails and even went on PalTalk for a bit and chatted with Melissa for a little bit. Roxy also showed up for a little while too so we had 4 of us.

Well I ordered dinner and we sat and talked. It was really nice and I found out some things about Samantha I didn’t know and I told her a lot about me also, it is funny how that line I had between my male and female side is blending more and more. Now I am not saying I am going out and telling my friends who only know me in my male life about Susan but more and more of my male life is coming out to Susan’s friends. I guess Susan is just a more open person when it comes to this and that is probably because I am really more comfortable in the female role as Susan. Now I know what people are thinking, it sounds like I may be thinking of Transitioning and no I am not. It is just I have few friends now that have come out and they are struggling with their female side and how it all fits in and where it will lead and it got me thinking about myself too.

This is one of the hardest things for transgender people to deal with and figure out who they are and where they go. Growing up I knew I likes makeup and girls clothes, I really wanted to be able to wear makeup and the pretty dresses, now I will date myself as his was before the internet and you actually had to go to a library to find books and get information. I remember being confused as what I could find at the library all said that guys who dressed as girls wanted to be girls that they were in the wrong body or they were gay and I knew this wasn’t me. I didn’t want to be a girl just be able to look and dress like one and I was never attracted to boys, I actually find nothing attractive about the male body so I thought was that one weird person that didn’t fit in any place. It wasn’t till I was in high school that I heard the term crossdresser and realized that was who I was.

Now there are a lot of similarities in Transgender people but we all have our own needs, wants and desires too so it can be hard to give advice to others who are trying to figure out who they are as it is easy to believe ne way because you are looking for that acceptance and belonging and don’t want to feel you are alone. Life is a journey that we all take and where it leads us we may not know but we cannot let others interpret it for us as it is our life and we must live who we are.

What I do know and understand about myself is this and it has taken me many years to get to this point. I am a male who love being female. I will never transition as that is not for me. Now if I had all the money I would ever need and didn’t have to worry about work or anything I would live a little different. First I would have long pretty and painted nails as I love them. I would grow my hair out and I would live the majority of my life as a woman. I will admit it would be awesome to have breast but I am pretty sure I would not take female hormones as I am worried what the emotional and psychological affects would be, I would be more likely to look into implants but then I have the issue of what to do with them when I am not being female. The last thing is living female or male I would still only be interested in being with females as I said I don’t find the male body attractive. Now this is who I am and what is right for me in my life. There are others who may feel the same and probably more who feel this is wrong and not right for them and that is okay as we all need to find what is right for ourselves to be happy.

This is where it can get hard as we see our friends struggling to understand this part of their life and we so want to help them and we know who we are and what we want and what makes us happy that we want to tell them that and that s fine but we need to do it in a way that helps them find who they are and not try to fit into who we are. I guess the biggest help if to accept them and support them as they make this journey of discovery and even if they turn out different then us and the way we live our lives we support them. It’s not about being the same but being who we are.

Wow got a little off topic there, Karaoke started and it was fun. Samantha stayed till almost 11 tonight which is late for her as she has a 2+ hour drive home. It was a good night as I got to talk with Heather, Dawni and Mareinna for a while. They are some of the friends we have made here at the bar and have been so accepting of us. It was a really good night out. It was midnight when I called it a night. What a great way to start the weekend.

Thanks for reading.

June 20, 2015 Posted by | Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Relaxing Friday night out 6-12-2015

Friday night and a long week. It has been a really busy week again for my male side and it is really cutting into my Susan time but it can’t be helped. It just makes the time I do get to be Susan that much more special. I got home late so it was after 5:30 when I started getting ready. It was about 6:45 when I was ready and on my way.

I got to Sweet Home about 7:15 and Chris and Cristine were there already. I joined them and got out my computer to catch up on my e-mails which I have also fallen behind on. It wasn’t long and Jolene showed up. She had a new dress on, actually her first dress she has worn and she was so excited about it. I really enjoy this part of going out when we have girls who are just starting out as it helps me remember when I was first going out and the excitement I had. It really was a cute dress too. Well we all ordered dinner, I had their special and it was awesome as always. We sat around and enjoyed a wonderful meal and good conversation.

Now tonight the bar was doing an 80’s theme and of course I didn’t read their Facebook page to know. Even if I had though I have nothing 80’s to wear as Susan really wasn’t buying clothes back then besides no one really dressed for the 80’s but when Karaoke started most people sang 80’s songs which was nice as I knew all of them.

Dee showed up as she is in town again, it was good to see here. Guinevere also made it out which was a really nice surprise as it has been a long time since she has made it out with the group. I really enjoyed talking to them and catching up. We had 6 of us here tonight so a smaller showing. Now we also know most of the other people who come here and it is also nice to see them. Tony and Misty, Kelsie and Megan were all here tonight and I got to talk with them also. It really is a fun night out.

Mark the Karaoke DJ showed up and it turns out he got a promotion at his regular job and will be moving so tonight is his last night hosting the Karaoke. It will be sad to see him go as he has been so wonderful, hopefully he will come back every once in a while.

Well Karaoke started and as I said the songs were all great as I knew all of them. Chris sang the song “Knock three times” by Tony Orlando. It is such a great song and been a long time since I heard it. There were so many wonderful songs from the 80’s.

Now I hadn’t planned on staying out late tonight as I am tired as it really was a long week and I have been getting to bed late and up early. Well I got my second wind and of course that meant I stayed out later. It was after midnight when I called it a night. What a wonderful time I had.

Thanks for reading.

June 13, 2015 Posted by | Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Warm Saturday night at Harvey’s

Saturday and I get to go out with my friends to Harvey’s Comedy club tonight. I so look forward to this night each month as it is such a fun night. No I knew I would be rushed to make it downtown by 7 as I had something I had to do today till 5. Now today was really hot 93 degrees out and I was outside all day. It was almost 5:30 when I got home and it was right into the shower to start getting ready. Now I knew what dress I was going to wear and how I wanted my makeup to look so that always helps make it faster getting ready. I did use my new MAC eyeshadow and lip liner tonight. Now I was ready by 6:30 and on my way.

I got downtown by 7 and parking was bad as there is a lot going on downtown this weekend so I ended up parking about 2 blocks away. Now as hot as it was still about 84 there was a nice breeze. Not enough to mess up my hair but it made it really nice out for walking. I got to Fox & Hound and Cassandra, Cristine, Jolene, Laura H. and Laura M. were all there. Now we had 15 going tonight so it would be a good turnout tonight. It wasn’t long and Jan, Lynn and Barb showed up.

It was about 8:15 when we left and walked the 7 blocks to Harvey’s. It was the perfect evening for walking around town. Now there were a lot of people out tonight on the streets tonight being such a nice evening. We got to Harvey’s and Victoria was there. It wasn’t long and Julie, Teresa, Jennie and Amy showed up along with Barbs neighbors.

We were sitting around talking as we waited for the early show to get over when Jolene got a couple calls. Seems in her excitement to go out with the group for her first time dressed up she forgot she had to pick someone up tonight so she had to leave really quick. It was a shame she didn’t get to see the show but still good she got out for a little bit with us. It was great to see Julie again and talk to her, she is such a fun lady.

Well it was time for the show and we all went in. it really was one of the smaller crowds I have seen here but with the hot weather and of course Rose Festival going on I think a lot of people were down on the water front. Kim our favorite waitress was here so it was good to see her again, she is so awesome and always looks forward to the night that we come.

The show started and as always the comedians were awesome. They were so funny and we all laughed so hard. It was a good night. It is a shame that so few people were here as they really did miss a great show. This is one of our best nights out. If you are ever in Portland Harvey’s is a must for a fun night out.

After the show we all back to our cars and it was still a warm summers evening. What a great night tonight.

June 7, 2015 Posted by | Harvey's Comedy Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friday night with a quick shopping trip before dinner.

Well it is Friday and the end of a long week. I really hadn’t planned on going out tonight as I can’t stay out late but as I got home early I rethought going out. I actually wanted to run to Macy’s as I had a $30 card from the MAC counter but it was only good this week and I couldn’t pass up some free MAC cosmetics. So my plan was t go out early and go to Lloyd Center mall and go to Macy’s and then on the way home swing by Sweet Home for dinner.

Well I was ready to leave a little before 5 so I had plenty of time, even with traffic I was to Macy’s by 5:30 and went straight for the MAC counter. Now unlike last Saturday when Cherie and I went here and they were slow they were pretty busy and has less help then they did on Saturday so the 2 girls working really didn’t have time to really spend with people so I just kind of browsed the counter. My main goal was a sparkly shimmer eye shadow like what Cherie got last week. I also looked at their lip liner and ended up getting 2 of them. It really was fun looking at all the pretty makeup. It was a little before 6 when I left and headed for Sweet Home.

I got t Sweet Home about 6:15 and parked right in front and went in. There were only 2 other people there at the bar. I sat at our table and got out my computer while I waited for others to show up. I noticed on Facebook that Chris would not be here tonight so I realized I may be all by myself. Well I ordered dinner and figured I would eat and wait till 8 to see if others showed up.

It was about 6:45 when Kelsie showed up and joined me. I have known Kelsie for a couple years she is actually one of the first people we met when we started coming to Sweet Home. We had a nice time talking and I found a lot out about her. It was a lot of fun. I was also chatting on line a little too.

Well it was about 8 when Jolene showed up so we did have 1 other girl show up tonight. Jolene and I talked for a while and then we played a game of pool and I won. It was a fun night and enjoyed talking with Jolene. She is going to Harvey’s tomorrow night with us so I was telling her about it and how fun it is and also where she can park as they close some roads down at 9 and if you are parked there they tow you.

Several of the people from the other group also came over and talked to me. It really is a friendly bar. Well we stayed till about 10:30 before we called it a night, Jolene actually left a little before I did. I was out a little later than I planed but it was worth it.

Thanks for reading.

June 5, 2015 Posted by | shopping, Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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