Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Smaller group Friday night at the P-Club.

Well Friday night was here and for the first time in 4 weeks I was going to make it to the P-Club. I have really been looking forward to this for days as it has been so long since I was out with my friends. Now going so long w between going out with them made the night a little more intense. What I mean by this is normally when I go out with them I will come home from work and shower, and then I pick out an outfit to wear and do my makeup. Now this week I started thinking about what I would wear on Wednesday and I probably changed my mind on outfits a dozen times. Even Friday while I was in the shower I again changed my mind on what I was going to wear. You would think I was going on a first date or something.

Well I wanted to look cute and also a little summery as we have been having really nice warm weather for the last week, summer finally got here. I settled on my white skirt and purple tank top. You can see the outfit on my flickr page as it is what O wore golfing 2 years ago at Diva Las Vegas. The skirt is probably my favorite skirt as there is just something I love about a white skirt that I think looks so cute and of course I wore my heels. I even spent extra time doing my makeup as I wanted to look perfect. Funny how much more effort and thought goes into being Susan then my male self. Ladies out there this is why you should date a crossdresser. We know how long it takes to look pretty and will never give you a hard time or say what is taking so long to get ready, just a little side note.

Well doing my makeup I took a little more time as I really wanted my eyes to pop. I also had a new blush as I used up the last of the one I had been using going to Starbucks the night before. Any way this proved a little problem as although it looked close to what I had it really had more of a color to it and the more I tried to blend the brighter it got. I wiped some off with a tissue and even put on some more powder to tone it down. It took me almost 2 hours from the time I stepped into the shower till Susan was heading out the door. As I have said before I enjoy the whole experience of Susan even getting ready so when I have the time I like to spend the time getting ready, it relaxes me.

Well in the car going to the P-Club it was so bright with the sun out and I was checking my makeup at a traffic light in the mirror and wow there was that blush again, in the bright light it was really noticeable. It was a good thing I was going to be inside a club where the light is not as bright. Not sure this blush will work for day time. I will have to play with and see if I can get it to work better.

Well I got to the P-Club at 7:30 and went in. the only one from our group that was there was Chris so I joined him and ordered diner as I was hungry. The two of us talked and wondered how many would show up. We have as couple of our main members out of town on vacation and with being close to the end of summer vacation figured we may have fewer members out. Well soon a few more showed up, Norma, Bobby, Samantha, Robin, Cristine Rose, Cassie, Brooke and Christine. The good thing about a smaller group is I can remember everyone who was there.

We all chatted for a while and caught up on things. It is funny as some of our group really likes to go to clubs that they can dance the night away and although the P-Club does have a dance floor not a lot of people dance here so I think that is also a reason for a lower turnout. For me it is not so much where we go as the people who are there. What I want is to spend the evening with my friends and where we are is not as important.

The P-Club was really slow and for a while I thought our group and maybe 8 others would be all that was there. About 10:30 people started to come in and by 11 pm the club was really busy. Both pool tables were going so we played some shuffle board. Almost every table was full and even the bar was packed. You had to stand in line to get a drink. It was nice to see them this busy as it tells me our group can go someplace and have fun and not be a problem to the other customers.

Well by 12:30 some of our small group started to leave and by 1:15 it was down to just Robin, Brooke and me. So it was time to call it a night. I paid my bill and left. Strange that so many nights our group would leave at 1:30 and we were the last ones at the club but last night they were still packed when we left.

It was a fun night and great to see some of my friends after so many weeks, what a great way to start the weekend. I am already looking forward to next Friday night. I think that is the key to being happy is to always have something to look forward to, my little helpful tip of the week. Find something you enjoy and do it. No matter what is wrong in your life having something to look forward too, to plan for, to think about will make you happy.

Have a great week and thanks for reading.

August 27, 2011 Posted by | P-Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Another long week but made it to Starbuck’s tonight

Well it has been another long week with many hours for Susan’s male side. I wasn’t even sure I would make it out as I have been getting home late every day this week. Susan needed to be out so even though I did not make it to Starbuck’s till 7:30 tonight I figured even 1 ½ hours was better than nothing. It is funny that on my way home I was so tired and the last thing I was thinking about was getting dressed up as Susan and going out but once I got home and sat down for a few minutes then I started thinking about it and then it was all decided. I was all ready by a little after 7 and on my way. On the way down the freeway there was a big wreck which slowed down traffic a lot. I thought about stopping to see if I could help but there was already about 8 cars stopped to help and one police officer there so not much I could have done but this leads to one question that has always bothered me, and that is does being Susan hurt anyone else.

Now I love being Susan and she is a big part of me and although there really wasn’t much more I could have done had I stopped had I been in my boy mode I would have stopped without hesitation and the only reason I didn’t was I was Susan. Now I honestly believe had there been no one else there I would have stopped and gave aid even as Susan but this is one of the things I that has always made me wonder about this side of my life. Well just a little rambling on my part.

Starbuck’s was a little busy when I got here, there were 5 people ahead of me in line, 2 with computers so I played it safe and got a table first and set up my computer and then went and stood in line. Good thing I did as everyone in front of me went and found a place to sit so I would have once again been in the chairs up front by the doors with no table to sit at. I think some of the people in front of me wish they had thought of that. Anyway I tried a new drink tonight a strawberry smoothie. It was almost 90 today and the thought of something hot just wasn’t what Susan wanted. It was a little more expensive but really good and as it has fruit in it I figure it is healthier for me and has fewer calories than my normal drink. I think I surprised the girl behind the counter as she had already wrung up my normal drink. I guess I was getting to predictable so I need to mix it up a little.

Last week after I left Starbuck’s I stopped at Albertsons and did some much needed grocery shopping. Was only in the store for maybe 30 minutes but it extended my Susan time and I found even grocery shopping as Susan is more fun. I may start doing all my grocery shopping this way.

I was looking back over this month and hard to believe I have only made it out twice so far. I think that is the lowest amount of time for Susan in several years. Now I will be out again tomorrow night with all my friends at the P-Club as I can’t miss a 4th Friday in a row. Now that will give me 3 times this month so I really think I am going to try for next Tuesday at Starbucks as that is the last day of August and would give me 4 nights out this month. Looking back at my blog the last time I made it out so few times was September of 2009. It is fun to be able to look back and see what I have done over. This was why I originally started my blog as a record for myself that was not on my computer, that way if someone got on my computer they would not find out about Susan. I never really thought others would read but I am so glad you do. It gives me the chance to write more like I am talking to others. This makes my writing so much more fun and I think has actually improved my writing skills.

Well must close for tonight. Thanks for reading and have a great week.

August 25, 2011 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Finally out again, what a busy couple weeks.

Wow it seems so long since Susan has been out; work has been really busy with lots of hours. The bad part is Susan has not been able to get out, not even dress for a couple hours for the last 2 plus weeks. The good news is the extra money my male side made which Susan has already claimed for shopping. Now not being able to dress is always hard but being so busy made it easier as it kept my mind occupied.

Well I am at Starbucks tonight, didn’t even plan on going till about 5 pm when I got home from work. When I got here both the girls commented on the fact it has been a couple weeks since I have been here. I really have a busy schedule through next Monday so I couldn’t pass up the chance. I also will not make it out this Friday night with my friends which are probably the hardest part as I so enjoy spending time with them. This will make 3 Friday nights in a row I will miss. I can’t remember the last time I missed that many Fridays. I went back through my blog for the last 3 years and could not find a stretch this long. It made me start thinking back when I was lucky to get out once every few months. I know I could never go back to that little Susan time as she has become such a big part of my life.

It really is strange to think about myself this way almost as two different people in one body. That is how I look at it. I am not a woman trapped in a man’s body and not just a man alone. I really have two sides to me. Some things are the same between both sides but there are some major differences also. As a guy I use the computer for e-mail, work and to look things up on the internet. I have never done a profile for my male self, facebook and MySpace have nothing my male side wants. I have no pictures on line for my male self; I really have no pictures on my computer for my male self. Susan on the other hand loves Facebook and putting pictures online. There are other things two. Shopping is one. Susan loves to go even if only to look where my male side goes with a goal to get something, in the store get the item pay and go home. Susan also loves to talk, just sitting around and talking about anything from politics to makeup or fashion where as my male side want the facts and then on to something else.

Some might call this a split personality but really it isn’t. I know both sides and can slip between them as I wish. One does not take over the other one and both sides really make up my whole person. Now there are some drawbacks to this as I have to buy two sets of clothes and shoes so I spend more on clothing but the benefits are so much more. I really am happier and less stressed then all my friends. Whenever I have a problem or issue I just step out of that side of me and take a break and things always look better afterwards.

Now I know living a double life can be hard and there were time I wished I was not a cross dresser but I really think over the last 5 years with the help of my awesome friends I have made and the fact I go out regular and really don’t care what others think I have come to accept who I am. Part time male and part time female. The key is a good support network which I have so I am very lucky.

If you had asked me 5 years ago where I would be as Susan I would have told you I hoped to get out a few times a year, I would never have imagined I would go out so much, go to Starbucks and shopping by myself, make a trip to Las Vegas and spend the whole time from the day I left till I got back home as Susan. Even now sitting here at Starbucks I feel totally comfortable. I even plan on going grocery shopping when I leave here as I really need some food in the house.

Starbucks is a little busy tonight which surprised me with the nice weather I figured people would be outside. But it is nice to have others here and be able to people watch. With the nice weather finally here I switched my drink to a Strawberry Smoothie and it is really good and probably a little healthier than my normal drink well at least less calories.

Well I must be getting to my e-mails which I have a ton of. I do have one tip that I heard on the radio and tried and it seems to work. If you put a fine layer of olive oil on your razor blades it helps keep them from getting a build up on them which is really what makes them go dull. I use to get 3 to 4 good shaves before I had to put a new blade in a little olive oil and I was able to go about 8 to 9 days off of the blade so it seems to work for me. Less blades to by and I seemed to get less nicks when I shaved. Just though I would pass this on. Have a great week

August 18, 2011 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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