Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Out again after almost 3 week, Starbucks is awesome.

Well in case you noticed it has been a while sense my last blog which also means it has been a while with no Susan time. For some reason this summer was busier than normal and really cut into my Susan time. Not being able to dress and express this part of me is hard, it has only been a short time compared to some of my friends online so I really understand how they feel when they have to go for even longer times. I am pretty lucky in that respect in that I do live by myself which allows me to dress when I want pretty much.

Well as I said it is a busy time and I am still not sure I will make it out tomorrow night with my friends as I may have to work really late. One of the reasons I really wanted to get out tonight even if just a couple hours here at Starbucks. Besides it gives me a chance to catch up on e-mails and a little work without distractions of being at home, yes the TV which I seem to have on way to much. I really hope that I can get out of work as I have missed the last two Fridays with my friends and I need my friends fix for the week. Yes we e-mail and chat but actually being out with them is awesome.

Well leaving my house tonight was hard as when I pulled out of the garage my next door neighbor was outside talking on her phone, she had her back towards my house but then one never knows if she turned around as I was driving by. It is fall now and soon the winter weather will set in but again it is also getting darker earlier and that means less people (neighbors) outside in the evenings when I leave. Always easier to get out in the winter as it gets dark so early. It is funny as T-girls especially crossdressers are really more of a late night person. I remember when I first started going out. It was always late at night, usually didn’t leave the house till at least 9 sometimes 10 as I needed the cover of darkness. I would have never thought of going out in the day or even someplace public. I have really come a long way as I really do feel pretty comfortable when I am out and sometimes I even forget that that I am dressed.

Well Starbucks is a little quiet tonight except for when I first got here. There was a line of about 7 people in front of me but they all got theirs to go but still had to stand in line. This would have scared me just a few years back but now it seems so natural. It is funny as I still get some people, male, female and even transsexuals who always wonder why I don’t want to transition. I really think it is easier for people to understand transsexuals than crossdressers. Someone who believes they are or should have been the opposite sex is just easier for people to understand then a man who just like to be female part time. For me it is so easy to understand, it is something I enjoy and like to do. I often refer to it as my hobby even though it is more than that as it really is a part of who I am. It shapes my life and defines who I am as much as my male side but that I think is the key for a crossdresser as both male and female side make them who they are. Transsexuals need to be the opposite sex where I need to be both. Now that being said when I am Susan I do identify as Susan, female and try to be as female as I can in thought and actions well with the exception of men just no interest there. So I guess in that way I would be called gender fluid as my gender is really based on if it is Susan or my male side. Susan has more hand movements and gestures and when she talks and yes Susan likes to talk and dare I say more graceful where my male self is more stiff and conversations are more for the exchange of information. It really is amazing when you break it down and notice the differences in the two sides.

Well I need to go for now and if I do make it out tomorrow there will be a blog about it Saturday. After this weekend I hope to get back into my twice a week routine

Thanks for reading

September 27, 2012 Posted by | Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Harvey’s Comedy Club

Well it is the second Saturday of the month and time for our group to go to Harvey’s Comedy Club. This is always such a fun night out and I look forward all month to it. Now we usually meet at Fox & Hound before as the show we go to is the 10 pm show and we don’t need to be there till 9 and most of us want a little more time out then that. I got downtown Portland about 6:45 and found a parking spot and walked over to the Boiler room as we had talked about meeting there also and I had seen Cristine and Bobbie out front when I drove by. Now it was a 2 block walk on a nice warm day which is always fun and there were a lot of people out. I met up with them and it turns out the Boiler Room was having a private party from 6 till 9 so we couldn’t get in and went back to Fox & Hound.

It wasn’t long and Cassandra, Victoria, Wilma and Veronica showed up. It is always nice to get together with your friends. A few of the girls ordered something to eat but most of us were waiting till we got top Harvey’s. Actually we eat so often at Fox & Hound I like to eat at Harvey’s as they are so nice to our group it is nice to spend our money there when we go. Jenn and Guinevere also showed up. This was really Guinevere first time out other than a couple private meetings. It is always fun to share someone’s first time out in public as we all remember our own first time. It was nice to talk with her and get to know her better. It was actually nice to talk with everyone and catch up on what’s new. About 8:30 we all left walked over to Harvey’s. It is about 8 blocks and on a nice summer’s eve a really pleasant walk. Being a Saturday night there were lots of people out on the streets.

We got to Harvey’s and got our tickets and went into the bar outside the show room to wait for the early show to get over. Jan & Lynn were already there waiting. There were not a lot of other people there yet as it was still early. It wasn’t long and the bar started to fill up. It really is fun to people watch here as you get such a diverse group, there was a group there for a bridal party. Robyn also showed up which gave us 12 for the show.

It was finally time to go in and we had already talked with our favorite waitress Kim, actually she came out and talked with us as she knows we come on the second Saturday every month and we wanted to get in her section which she had already arranged.

The comedians were awesome; I think we had seen the one before but still a really good show. The one comedian picked out some people up front and picked on them it was really good. I think when a comedian can do that off the top of his head it really shows talent. We have gone here so many times and always had a great time. After the show we talked with Kim our waitress, she was glad we came and thanked us, actually several of the waitresses came over and talked with us and told us it was great to see us there. On the way out we got a chance to talk with the comedian’s and told them how good they were. After the show we walked back to Boiler Room, some of the girls went in but as it was late it was time for me to go home. it was a really fun night which I needed as it will probably be a couple weeks till I get any Susan time again.

Thanks for reading.

September 9, 2012 Posted by | Harvey's Comedy Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friday meeting with our attorney and then a night out with friends.

Well another Friday and time to spend time with friends. Now today was a busy day as our attorney was going to meet with us at 3 pm at Fox & Hound along with some of the people who wanted to protest the P-Club and maybe some people from the media. Now for me this was hard as I had to work today and didn’t get home from work till a little after 1:30 and Susan takes just a bit longer to get read. But as I planned for this I was ready and walking out the door at 2:30. I parked my car and walked into Fox & hound right at 3 pm and there was already a group there. Cassandra, Victoria, Beth our attorney, Chris, Amy, Cristine, Erin Rook a reporter from PQ monthly and Veronica. Just a few minutes behind me were Jan & Lynn and also Tim & Mer (they were the ones who planned the facebook protest against the P-Club).

Beth updated us on what was going on and how she wanted things to proceed and as our attorney we need to follow her. She brought up her concerns about the protest they had planned and thanked them for canceling it till we could talk. Right now we really don’t feel a protest is a good idea till we see where our complaint with the State goes. It was nice to meet these people who are supportive of us and answer their questions. It was about 5:30 when we were all done with the meeting and they left and it was just our group again. We talked a while amongst ourselves about the complaint and what was going on, this was the first chance for Amy, Veronica, Jan & Lynn to talk with the attorney the one thing we are all sure of is what we are doing is right. As we told the others that were there what we are looking for in this complaint is to make it clear you can’t discriminate on gender expression. We should be able to go in any public place and be treated no different by the owner than anyone else. If we can get enough news coverage to get this message out then we have won.

Well we all had dinner and then at 7 we walked over to the Boiler Room as that is when they open. Amanda the bar tender was happy to see us as it has been several weeks since we were there last as we have been trying other places on Friday nights. We talked with Amanda for awhile, she is really nice. Well we went over and got table and started to play pool. The Boiler room is really a nice place and they are not that busy till 9 when they start Karaoke so it gave us a nice chance to talk some more. We talked about where we wanted to go next Friday night and as I will not be out, actually after this weekend will be a couple weeks probably before I get out as Susan again. Any way I think they are thinking about 52 street sports bar next Friday. In a way I think it is good not to go to the same place every Friday. Now the Boiler Room is a nice place as it is a younger crowd and I think there are more females there then males and the girls also tend to wear more dresses which is nice. Some places we go our group may be the only females on dresses and skirts which makes us stand out a little more.

Well about 9 they started to get busy as they got Karaoke going. Some of the people who sing are really good and others well let’s just say they got up and sang which makes them winners as I don’t have the guts to do that even though I think it would be fun. Chris sang a few times and did an awesome job. Of course as you get more people inside it gets hotter and then you got to worry about your makeup as sweat is never a good thing for a crossdresser. We tend to need to use a little more makeup to help our look and if it starts to run well just not a good look. Luckily it never got really hot inside.

There were lots of really pretty girls there and the funny thing is being a crossdresser you are torn between how pretty they are and how cute their dress or heels are or how they did their makeup. We try to take it all in and wonder how we would look in their dress or could we do our makeup the way they did and of course how they would feel about us and would they ever date us? We were having a great time when a girl came over and started talking to us, her name was Michelle and she was there celebrating her 24th birthday with her friends. Seems her boyfriend broke up with her the day before which sucks. She was really nice and also tall which I like for two reasons. First tall girls I think are hot and also they make me not look as tall when I am out as Susan. she was 5″10″ and had on these really hot high heels and since I wore my lower heels I was just a little taller so yes you guessed it I had to get a picture with her. She was really cute and had an awesome smile, wow if I was 10 years younger, oh and she was 10 years older, well I can dream. Well Cassandra, Michelle, Jan and I got our picture taken. Jan is hard to see in the picture but I looked better in this picture so I chose this one. I will also put the other picture in further down so Jan is more visible. We talked with her for about 10 minutes. She is one of the girls I was talking about, very beautiful but also had this really awesome dress and heels.

Well I did play I think 3 games of pool and did win one. The one thing that is hard to get use to is standing in line for the bathroom which is something guys do not have to worry about. Anyway the only reason I brought this up is I went to use it and there was one girl standing in line in front of me and we started chatting which again is something guys miss out on. Any way we talked for a few minutes waiting, she even knocked on the door to make sure someone was in there as it was taking a while. By this time there were about 7 other girls behind me and we all stood there talking and having a nice time. Well it had now been about 10 minutes and we were still waiting when one of the bar staff came up and said she had to check the bathroom real quick to make sure it was clean and opened the door only to find there was no one in there. So here we were all standing there for over 10 minutes waiting and the bathroom had been empty all the time. There girl who was first in line just looked at the rest of us and said, Oh well I am blonde’ and went in and we all broke up laughing.

Later on two girls and a guy came over and started talking to us. They were really nice and just wanted to meet us. I can’t remember their names but they introduced themselves. Wilma was the closest and got to talk with them the most. I was at the other end of the table and with the music had a hard time hearing them. Yes forgot to ad that Wilma, Robyn, Bob and Penelope also showed up. It was great to see them especially Wilma and Penelope as they don’t get out as much. Any way the two girls had on really cute dresses. The one thing I have noticed is here at the Boiler Room the girls always dress really nice and the guys are all pretty casual which I think tends to be the case most places as females tend to care more about how they look.

Any way I did get a chance to talk with Wilma a little but not as much as I would have liked. I am hopping she is going to Harvey’s Saturday night so we can talk more. It was a fun night and I think we left about 1:30 which was a long bight out for Susan. We walked over by CC’s as we saw Bo one of the drag queens we know out front and wanted to say hi. She was talking to a guy in a wheel chair. Now he was gay and I know this because that is how he introduced himself. He was really taken by Bo and interested in drag and Bo offered to dress him up in drag if he wanted which he did so they were exchanging information. Any way he asked my name and Jan’s name so we introduced ourselves to him. Now I don’t think he has ever met a crossdresser before because when he introduced me to his brother he made sure to mention that his brother was straight. Of course I without missing a beat just smiled and said that was nice because so was I which I think caught them both off guard. He looked at me and said he had to introduce me to someone else and would be right back. He brought his sister over and introduced her to me by saying, “this is Susan and she is straight”. Up to this point she really didn’t seem to impressed with us or the drag queens but she kind of cocked her head and looked at me smiled and said “Really” and then told me how pretty I looked. We chatted for a few minutes and I could tell they were trying to figure out why a straight guy would dress this way. I just smiled and told them I just enjoy it and dress this way a couple times a week and they seemed to accept this.

Well we left as it was now really late. Saturday night is our monthly night we go to Harvey’s Comedy club so I am really looking forward to that as it is always so much fun. I think we have about 14 of us going and we will meet at the Boiler Room between 7 & 8:30 before walking over to Harvey’s for the 10 pm show. Of course that will ve another blog.

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend. Wow just noticed I was a little long winded here.

September 8, 2012 Posted by | Boiler Room, Fox & Hound | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A new place on Friday 52nd street sports bar

Well it was another busy week and as always I was looking forward to Friday night out with my friends. We were meeting at the 52nd street sports bar off of Sandy in Portland at 7 pm. Now we heard about this place from Scotty one of the bar tenders at FOX & Hound, he knew the bar manager here and had talked to her about us getting kicked out of the P-Club and she told him to tell us to come there we would be welcome, how cool is that. Her name is Brenda and she really is awesome.

Well I was all ready to leave by 6:45 and no signs of my neighbors so off I went. As I pulled out on the street just a few houses down 5 of the neighbor kids were riding their bikes down the street towards me and nothing I could do but keep going. Hopefully they were too interested in riding to pay much attention to me in the car. There was a little more traffic tonight so took me a little longer to get there so it was about 7:30 when I arrived. I found a parking spot on the street just a little way down from the door. Now there is always a little rush going in someplace totally new but not like it use to be a few years back. It use to be I would sit in the car and watch who was coming and going and who was around and build the courage to get out of the car. Now it is just get out and go and the rush is to see how people accept me or look at me but still fun to go to a new place.

Chris, Cassandra, Amy, Cristine and Bobbie were already there. I think it is just a little bigger than the Sweethome bar we went to the last couple weeks but it may just be the layout inside seemed more open. There were maybe 10 to 15 other people there also and it turns out Cassandra and Cristine got there about 5:30. We ordered some food and played some pool and yes I lost but had fun doing it. Bob, Samantha, Michelle and Alizabeth also showed up while we were eating.

A couple GG’s at the next table started talking to us, actually Chris was trying to download some music on their juke box and couldn’t get it to work so they helped us. Well we got talking to them and had a great time. Their names were Heather and Suzanne. They told us how great we looked and one never gets tired of hearing they look pretty at least I don’t. Somehow we got on to age and I of course told them I was sure I was older than they were and they both said they were older then I thought and Suzanne wanted to bet. Turns out I should have bet as I was a year older than Suzanne and 6 years older than Heather so I guess I still look good for a 48 year old of course the makeup helps a lot. Well Suzanne wanted a picture with me and you all know how much I love getting my picture taken, I couldn’t get my camera fast enough, this is me and Suzanne. They seemed totally okay with our group being there.

Jan, Lynn, Jenn, Kelly and Robyn showed up also so now we had 15 of us there. This was really good considering we were at a new place that we had never been to before. It was nice to get a chance to talk with everyone but as we were spread across 3 tables I kept moving from table to table. I chatted with Samantha for a bit, she had tried doing her nails the way I do but the tape wouldn’t hold. Turns out she bought the regular mounting tape and not the Scots indoor outdoor mounting tape, this tape is water proof and holds up so much better, you can see a picture of the tape in my blog “Great idea for fast beautiful nails“.

I also got to talk with Jenn which was nice as it has been about 6 weeks since we have both been out at the same time. It was nice to catch up on what is new, she has come out to her whole family about Jenn even though she is not yet full time yet. The funny thing is she has told all her neighbors about it but they are never out when she leaves and she keeps hoping they will be so they can see her. I on the other hand none of my neighbors know and it seem almost every time I leave they are out or around and I don’t want them to see me, funny how that works.

Got to talk with Jan and Lynn as it was nice to see them out, they are such a wonderful couple. Jan and I played doubles against a couple guys, don’t remember their names but they asked us to play. Jan and I won both games, we had a good time and they thanked us for the game. Jan did make an awesome shot, she had to shoot to the far end of the table and bounce it back to the same end between their balls and the two we had left. She called the one ball in the corner and in fact she hit it so perfect she split them and both went in opposite corners. I don’t think we could have set it up to do that, great shot. A couple other guys came up and wanted to play us their names were Rob and Jesse and they were good. They beat us 3 games in a row but we had fun. The fourth game was ours, we actually did really well and in the end we won and they had not sunk a ball.

At 10 they also do Karaoke here, Chris sang a couple songs. A couple GG’s came over, their names were Debbie and Gina. They chatted with us for awhile. Debbie asked Chris to sing the song boys of summer I think which he did. We had a lot of interaction with the people here and they seemed fine with us, most of the time actually almost all of the time they came to us to talk so it wasn’t like we were forcing the issue with them which made it nice.

Brenda the bar tender was awesome and so nice, she was a little over worked with us there as it was a lot more business but she did great. She told us we were welcome there any time which made us feel good. Even several of the regular customers, both male and female told us the same and hoped we would come back. Debbie came back over latter just to tell me her and her friend Gina thought I was very beautiful. I never get tired of hearing as it makes you feel so wonderful inside. It really was a fun night. I think we are still going to go to different places instead of the same one every week just to mix it up some though but I am sure we will be back here again. If you are looking for a friendly neighborhood bar check out 52nd street sports bar.

Not sure if I will get out this week during the week but I will be out next Friday as we meet with our Attorney Friday between 3 & 5 which I hope to be there by 3 and then also Saturday we should do our monthly trip to Harvey’s comedy club which is always so much fun. Thanks for reading.

September 1, 2012 Posted by | 52nd street sports bar, Out and about as Susan | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments


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