Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

My first time going out someplace as Susan

Okay last week I posted a blog from Starbucks’s about my journey to be who I am and I got some good feedback on that. I was hoping by sharing it might help others trying to get out for the first time. Now I remember the night really well as most of us do as it is such a pivotal point in our lives, I just can’t remember exactly when it was. I think it was in the late 90’s maybe 1998 or 1999 but the date is not important.

I stated off dressing just at home and then late-night drives and maybe Burger Kings drive through and once or twice if I was out late enough, past 2:30am when alcohol sales end I did hit a 7-11 to buy some milk just to see and that was so scary. I also rented a motel room a couple times for a weekend and went and got acrylic nails but again I spent the day either in the motel room or I went out as my male self and kept my hands in my pocket and then did late night drives and I made sure my nail appointment was the last of the night so the fewest people saw me. Now that was over, I was bound and determined to go out as Susan and be seen. I had herd of a place called Embers, it is closed now. It was bar with a dance floor in back and they did Drag shows a couple nights a week and I had herd other t-girls went there so it was perfect. Now as I don’t remember the actual date, I do know it was warm outside so I am thinking it was late spring or summer.

I got all dressed up on a Saturday night, did my makeup without the lipstick. Put my dress on and heels and then a big coat over it with my wig on the seat next to me I put on my sunglasses, pulled the visor down and opened my garage door and pulled out and I was on my way. I stopped at a park and took my coat off, put my hair on and did my lipstick in the rearview mirror. This was a lot of work and effort to get this far, the hard part was over or at least I thought. I drove downtown Portland and found Embers, they had a parking lot across the street but you had to pay and I just couldn’t bring myself to do that so I drove around a little and found a spot across the street about half a block up facing Embers and as it was almost 8 I didn’t have to pay to park. Now it was just walking about 200 feet to the corner, crossing the street and going in piece of cake right, no it is not.

There were people parking and walking on the sidewalks and coming and going not only from Embers but other businesses around. I sat in my car till it was clear and then I started to open the door and here came someone else. This went on and on and I sat there unable to get out of the car. I kept looking over and my goal was so close but yet so far and then finally a little after 9, more than an hour sitting in my car I gave up and drove home. I just couldn’t get out of the car. I was so scared and when I got home, I was so disappointed. All that effort to get out of the house and go out and this was how it ended but I told myself that was it. Next Saturday I was going to do it. All week long I thought about what went wrong and the fact I just didn’t know about all the people out so now I was prepared.

Next Saturday came and I went through all the work to go out just like last week and got downtown Portland and parked in almost the same spot. I was ready and then I saw the other people and the same fears came back and once again I sat in the car for a little over an hour before going home disappointed but with the resolve I would do it again next week and I would be successful. Next Saturday came and I went through all the work and got out again and this tie I was able to park a little closer so that would make the difference but again no it wouldn’t. I just couldn’t open the car door. Once again, a little over an hour and I once again was on my way home for the time in weeks but I was determined to do it next week

The following Saturday I once again went through all the work to go out and again I parked almost the same spot. I was going to make it but once again every time I thought it was clear and started to open my door, I saw someone else walking and closed it. I sat there for over an hour and couldn’t get out of the car. I kept going over and over in my mind why not, it was fear. It was about 9:15 and I once again had been sitting in my car for over an hour and once again I gave up. I started my car and was waiting for traffic to clear so I could pull out and wasn’t watching the people walking by when I herd someone tap on my car window. I turned and it was another T-girl so I rolled down the window and she smiled at me and asked if I was going in and if I wanted to walk in with her. I don’t know if she realized what this meant to me but she was like a gift from heaven and I said yes and with her help I got out of my car, scared to death and we walked in together.

Her name was Lori and though I only saw her once after tonight I will forever remember her and her kindness. We went inn and she stayed with me and introduced me to all the security people there and the bar staff. She was wonderful and made me feel so welcome and not alone. I told her my store I just shared with you and she told me how safe and accepting this place was and then she told me about several other places t-girls go and offered to take me so about 11:30pm we went out and got in her van and we drove over to CC Slaughters and went in and once again she introduced me to the staff. We also walked around the corner to fox and Hound and checked that out and then over to Habbo’s. then back in her van and over to another place I can’t remember the name and checked it out introducing me to the staff again. It was after 1 am now and we once again were back in her van and we drove several blocks to Pan a Rama to check that place out, they charge a cover but only on men so we got to go in for free. We stayed here till almost 3am before leaving. Back in her van and she drove me back to my car and told me she hoped to see me out again. I couldn’t thank her enough as it was probably the best night of my life. I was so excited and on such a high I could barely contain myself as I got in my car and drove home. I git home and went to my room and collapsed on the bed and I was out till morning. I woke up just as I was the night before still wearing the same dress and makeup.

I took a shower and cleaned up and had breakfast as I replayed the night before in my mind. It was so awesome and such a dream came true and then reality set in. I thought to myself, my god I got in a strange girl van I had just met and went off with her all over town. Even as my male self I would not have done that, it worked out well but it did scare me as I was so happy to meet someone like me that I dud let my guard down. Now don’t get me wrong Lori was an awesome person and an answer to my prayers but I did make a mental not to be more careful when I was out. Now it was several months before I went out again and I ran into Lori and thanked her again and I hope she knows what that night meant to me. But as I was only going out every few months that was the last time, I saw her. I often wonder what happened to her. she showed me a kindness I could never repay and so I try to help other girls trying to go out for the first time and if this store can help it is well worth the post.

A little long but I hope if you read it you got something out of it. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what I am up to now.


July 16, 2019 Posted by | Advice and tips, Out and about as Susan, Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Thursday night at the nail salon

It is Thursday night and I am going to the nails salon for a pedicure and fill. Now I really don’t need one as both my toes and fingers look great still although my finger nails are getting a little long. This really is the one problem I have with getting my nails done with acrylic. I really could go 3 weeks between fills but they get pretty long by then at least for my male side. Even my pedicure held up well 6 weeks and no chips but it is all about timing. You see 4 weeks from today I will be back at Dream Nails for a pedicure and a full set of long acrylic nails for my trip to Diva Las Vegas. I got home and called Dream nails to get an appointment and Anna could get me in at 5 so I had about 1 ½ hours to get ready.

I took my time getting ready, I really like it more when I am not rushed. I know some people think it is strange to spend that much time getting ready just to go to the nail salon or a few hours at Starbuck’s and even I can’t explain it other than I enjoy it. Now I had my makeup done and still had time so I decided to wear my corset for the evening as I really do like the way it makes my waist look and really it is really comfortable other then in and out of the car and maybe a long drive in the car. I got to Dream nails just before 5 and went in, they were really slow tonight, only 1 lady getting a pedicure so Anna was ready to start. Of course, I had to pick a color for my toes, I went with a purple color this time.

Anna started on my nails and it is such a relaxing feeling to have someone do your nails. As she worked we talked a little. She asked if I wanted the deluxe pedicure tonight which I have done once before, as I said it was slow and Anna said it had been slow all week so I am sure they were looking for more services to do. I think it is that time of year as taxes are do in a couple weeks and also property taxes in a little over a month so people are probably a little tighter with their money. Any way I decided to go for the deluxe pedicure, $20 more but it is really relaxing. The main difference is they use a scented lotion and creams and even sent the water, I went with Lavender. They also put a cream on your leg and then wrap it in a hot towel for a while and also give your foot a paraffin wax treatment to soften your feet plus I think the message your legs and feet longer. Not something I would do all the time as it would get expensive but will probably do again in 4 weeks right before Diva Las Vegas and the same for the Cruise this fall.

As Anna did my nails another lady came in and she also got her nails done and was at the next table to me so we did talk a little about nails. It really is an enjoyable experience. I tell everyone you need to get a pedicure and acrylic nails at least once just to experience it and I got a feeling you will probably do it more often once you try it. Anna did a great job on my nails and soon they were just as pretty but a little shorter. Now it was time for my pedicure.

Kathy was once again doing my pedicure, Anna and Kathy always do a wonderful job as do all the people here and I have had several of them do my nails at one time or another. It is funny as I did come here a few times early on but I have been coming here every 2 to 3 weeks now for 2 years and I will have had acrylic nails now for 11 months although thinner than most woman and of course no pretty colors but they still look great. Now as I said I wore my corset today and sitting at the table getting my nails done was fine but sitting in the pedicure chair was not as comfortable, note to self when getting a pedicure, no corset. Kathy did a wonderful job on my feet and it was so relaxing, the deluxe pedicure is the way to go if you can. Normally it takes about an hour to get my fill and pedicure but it was closer to 1 ½ hours. Now partly because the deluxe pedicure takes longer but I have noticed that if they are busy then tend to rush a little more to get people through and this is just not Dream Nails but all nail salons I have gone to and I have talked to others and they say the same. If you do want to get your nails done my two tips, get an appointment and try to avoid really busy times. It was time for the polish and Kathy put the first coat on and as it dried it last all its shine, to say the least I was not happy at the color I had picked but I figured in 4 weeks I would change it. Kathy put a second coat on and the same and then the top coat. The top coat did put a nice shine on it and to my surprise it really looked great and really shiny, turns out it was a great choice. It was 6:30 when I left the Dream Nails

After my nail appointment went across the street to Starbuck’s as I had about 1 ½ hours till they closed and did some work and caught up on some e-mails. Some of the e-mails were questions I get asked from other transgender and non-transgender and probably the most asked is why I do this. There is no simple answer to this, I have talked with other crossdressers and there is no defining thing or moment in our lives we can point to and say this is it, this is why. We just do. Why do some people like chocolate and others don’t? why do some people like sports and others don’t? why do some men have facial hair and others don’t? why do some woman wear dresses, have long hair or nails and others don’t? In the end it comes down to personal preference and that is it. I am more comfortable this way even though when I am out I really am not thinking about how I am dressed. I really don’t know why, I do know that when I dress I do try to emulate what I find attractive in women. The other thing people think is I must be gay and from what I have learned most (75% or more) are straight males. Their dressing has nothing to do with their sexual attraction. As I said for me I try to emulate what I find attractive and for me that is the female body, shape, form, and look. Hair on a body, arms, chest is not at all attractive and I do everything I can to have a smooth clean body.

The other question is am I going to, or when will I transition an d the answer to that is I am not going to as that is not right for me. Now these are my thoughts and observations on these things and I am by no means an expert so remember that before you tell me I am wrong. Talking with both transsexuals and crossdressers there seems to be some common thing and things that are specific to just one. Both have a need to be feminine (or other sex depending on if you are MTF or FTM). The difference is about your body. Transsexuals need to physically be the other gender, they feel their body is wrong. Crossdressers need to present, be accepted as the other gender. From just looking at them you can’t tell as it is all about how they see themselves.

Now for me yes when I am Susan I would love to have real breast, hips, narrower shoulder, 5 to 7 inches shorter, no bulge between my legs but it is because of how it looks and how people see me, it is not about my body being wrong, it is the outward appearance. When I am not Susan I don’t think about it and is I did have real breast then I would be crossdressing the other way as when I was not Susan I would need to bind them down to hid them. Now I do know some crossdressers that have told me they would love to have breast and they would if they could but again there is that key words, love to have them not they their body is wrong or they are not truly who they are without them. It’s like saying I would love to have a million dollars and doing what I can to get it, verse having to have a million dollar to feel you are complete. The way I look at it is if I won 10 million dollars tomorrow how would my life change. For me I would dress as Susan most of the time, pierce my ears, have long acrylic nails and maybe even grow my hair out, surgery not something I would do. A transsexual the first thing on their list would be surgery. Now this is a simple way of looking at it and there is more to t than this but it is a good start and what I have learned.

Wow got a little off topic but that’s okay. Starbucks was a little slow tonight but a relaxing time while I gave the polish on my toes time to fully dry. After Starbucks I went through the drive thru and then home. It was a relaxing 4 hours.

Thanks for reading and be sure and see what’s new with Susan on my most recent blog.

March 18, 2018 Posted by | Manicure & pedicure, nail salon, Thoughts on Crossdressing, why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Saturday night out at Starbuck’s

Well it is Saturday night and I am going to Starbuck’s. I usually go to Starbuck’s during the week but today was special. I was contacted by a t-girl named Jolene and she is just starting out after suppressing her feelings all her life. She e-mailed me about 2 weeks ago and we have been exchanging e-mails since and she has a lot of questions and she wanted to meet and talk. Now I know how hard it is to make that first step and I was lucky to have had a few t-girls, Alice, Lori and Cassandra who really helped me when I was first trying to go out and so I wanted to help Jolene. I told her I would meet her at my favorite Starbuck’s and gave her the address and we agreed to meet at 5:30.

Now I started getting ready by 3 as I really hoped to be there by 5 so I could do a little work before Jolene got there. It is funny as I changed my mind about what I was going to wear again. Now eve going to Starbuck’s I put thought into what I wear so I look good but as I was meeting someone else I did take a little more time. I wore my yoga pants with a cute long black and white top ad of course my boots, it really is a cute look.

I got there a little after 5 and got a hot chocolate and found a table and did some work while I waited for Jolene. There were a few other people here today but they weren’t as busy as I thought they would be on a Saturday night.

Jolene showed up at 5:30 in boy mode as she has never dressed up completely. Of course she recognized me from picture on my blog and I recognized her from the picture she had sent me. She looked a little nervous at first but as always the need to be who we are finally pushes us to get past that nervous feeling and she was taking that first step. She sat down and we started talking.

We started off trying to figure out where she falls in the T-girl world as that can be the hardest part. I figured I should know a little bit about her before I started answering questions or giving advice as what is right for me may not be right for her or anyone else. So often we can get caught up in our lives and what we want and need and we just assume everyone else should feel the same and that is not always correct.

We talked a little about makeup as she has never really put makeup on. Now this can be the hardest thing to learn for a t-girl. I gave her some ideas and tips and of course a YouTube video she could watch. I also recommended going to Victoria Sinclair’s Over the Rainbow as she does transformations for men and teaches makeup. I think back to when I first started wow some of the looks I came up with were scary and the money I wasted on makeup that was wrong. Too bad Victoria wasn’t around then. The other part to learning makeup is practice, lots of practice. I also recommended the Esprit to her as that is a good place to start if you have never been out. We even talked a little about Diva Las Vegas.

I hope I helped her some as I know how scary these first step are, we all feel so alone when we start out. It is awesome once we realize we are not alone. We had a nice time talking and it is amazing how fast the time went by. Before we knew it, it was 8:45 and they were getting ready to close, wow did not seem like we were there for 3 hours. I hope I didn’t talk too much.

Jolene seemed nice and I think I made a new friend tonight. I invited her to come out with our group whenever she wants and when she is ready to join the group. I do think she will come out with us. Building friendships with others that feel the same as you do can make this journey so much easier. I know how much my friends have helped me become the lady I am.

Thanks for reading

January 10, 2015 Posted by | Advice and tips, Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Relaxing night at home

Well this is an unusual blog for me tonight as I usually don’t blog about non Susan things but tonight I am just relaxing at home as my male self, but decided to give myself a pedicure. Not as much fun as going to the salon and getting one but my toes were looking pretty bad and as I have a Christmas party to go to Saturday night I wanted pretty toes for it. Now there are advantages to doing your own pedicure at home. While I was soaking my feet it gave me a chance to shave my legs and get them silky smooth also. It is funny how I can so look forward to a party like this and start getting ready days in advance and planning what to wear. Something men never do.

Well after my legs were done and my feet soft and nails trimmed it was time to paint them. I picked a Fuchsia color as I tend to like the red colors. It is funny that something as simple as painting your nails can be so relaxing and calming. It is a shame that men cannot do such things without society judging them as different. Any way I have my dress all picked out, my little black one that I love and don’t get to wear that often. I did look for a new dress when I was out Christmas shopping but didn’t find one. These are all the wonderful things that I enjoy about being Susan.

Well I spent about an hour between shaving, soaking and painting my toe nails and now they look beautiful for the weekend. Any way I am now relaxing on the couch and playing on my computer and I came across a movie about Crossdressing/transvestites. It is called Just like a woman that was made in 1992, and looks like a British movie. Now I have seen lots of movies that deal with Transsexuals, Crossdressing and gender bending but this one I just thought was done well as it shows what a lot of crossdressers go through and what they feel and yes it is specifically about crossdressing. It is 105 minutes long and believe it or not you can watch the whole thing on YouTube, it is in 10 parts though. I have included the links below in case you want to check it out, it actually might be a good movie to show someone to help explain Crossdressing. . Well my nails are dry now and all ready to go out and show them off.

Thanks for reading

Just like a woman

Gerald is a yuppie-like transvestite in his thirties. His wife arrives home earlier than expected and discovers female attire spread over their apartment. Not knowing anything about his habit, she misinterprets this and throws him (and the attire) out of their home and marriage. He rents a room in Monica’s house, recently divorced and around 50. Their relation- ship evolves from landlady/tenant over friends to lovers. Monica learns about, begins to understand and finally appreciates and supports Gerald- ine, Gerald’s alter ego. His transvestitism, a rarely filmed

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

December 26, 2013 Posted by | why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tips for beautiful nails

Well this has been a blog I have wanted to write for a while and am just now getting around to it. If you have red my blogs you know I love long pretty nails. I think that is the one thing I would do full time if men could have pretty nails. As such I have tried many things to do my nails from painting them, acrylics which I love, glue on but finding something you can do quickly and lasts and you can take off as easily as they go on and better yet reuse them without damaging your nails is hard. I would love to take credit for this but it was actually Barb who came up with this idea and shared with Cassandra who passed on to me and now I share it with all of you. Now I will admit the most expensive part of this is the nail polish as I love OPI but any polish will do. This is what you need,

Nail polish, one clear and the color of your choice (I like OPI) $8 each

Artificial nails they need to be full nails not the tips, I like KISS brand Active Square 200 count as I can get 10 sets out of it. Under $7

Scott’s outdoor mounting tape (it is water proof), I buy at Home Depot, about $15 for over 400 inches.

I also get some mounting putty (under $2) and a piece of wood (under $2).

Now there are two options, you can use the nails as they are or you can put some of the nail glue on the underside and let dry, to do this just spread out on some paper towels. The reason for the glue is it makes them a little stronger. The nails usually will split up the middle from the cuticle end from reuse. Now I have got anywhere from 10 to 30 uses from the nails without the glue depending on how careful you are taking them off. With the glue you should easily last longer but they sit a little higher on the nail so I would try both ways and see what you like.

Now the trick I use is to mount the nails on the edges of the wood using the mounting putty, I can get 2 sets of 10 on each edge and if I prop up on blocks I can use all 4 edges so I can actually do 8 sets of nails at one time, for this I only did 4 sets.

I put the clear coat on and by the time I get all the nails done the first am dry and ready for the color and I repeat just going around, 2 coats of color and then the clear coat again. This is the slowest part but you can do a lot of nails in one shot and then you are good for awhile. You can also do several colors at once and have a variety of choices.

Let the nails dry and then you are ready to go. I can put on a set in under 5 minutes and if I want I can remove and put another color on in about the same time so you can change your nails

When you are ready you just put the mounting tape on the nails and you are ready to go. I use small pieces as I think they fit better plus the mounting tape really does hold the nails secure. I put the tape on all the nails first. Make sure and press them onto the nail so they stick well.

Then I use tweezers and peel off the tape and place them on my nail, squeeze the nail onto your finger nail and hold for a few seconds to make sure they are secure.

There you have it pretty beautiful nails for the day or evening look. They look great and stay on really well. I have even left on for a weekend and took a bath and shower and the nails held fast.

Now to take of you want to put a little pressure on the tip and take an cuticle orange stick under the back and gently lift up. If you do this carefully you can do it without damaging the nails and get many uses out of them. Once the nail is off, use the cuticle orange stick and scrape the tape off the back and you are ready for the next time.

February 5, 2013 Posted by | Advice and tips | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

A little Starbucks time tonight and some thoughts on crossdressing.

Well it is another busy week for both my male and female self; I had not planned on going out last night as Susan and at the last minute went out to dinner with some of my friends. Now it is Thursday which I had planned on going to Starbucks which is where I find myself right now. It was a rush tonight as I got home late so a quick bite to eat and time to start getting ready.

Starbucks is not real busy tonight so not a lot of people watching but gives me a good chance to catch up on e-mails, chat and of course my blog. It is funny some of the e-mails I get from people. I got one recently that was interesting as the crossdresser who sent it started off by telling me how pretty I am and passable and what girl doesn’t want to hear that. The truth is I know I am not passable but I do think of myself as pretty. Any way this got me thinking about how we perceive ourselves and what our goals are. I have many friends in the transgender community and what I have found is almost everyone has different ideas of passing.

When I was young I truly believed I could dress and pass 100% but with age I have come to realize this really is not possible for most crossdressers. What really is important is self acceptance. If we can all learn to accept ourselves for who we are and be okay with it that will show through to other people. I go out a couple times a week and have for the most part not had any problems. I think once I accepted that most people would realize I was male rather quickly and that was okay it really made it more enjoyable and relaxing to go out.

I think if you can come across self-confident and that you are not doing anything wrong or out of the ordinary most people will accept this. In my case I am a crossdresser and only dress this way a couple times a week but people who meet me don’t know that and I am sure that although they know I was not born female are not sure where in the transgender community I fit. After all most crossdressers do not go out so this probably leads most people to think I am either pre-opt or post-opt transsexual and as such they may not know what to say. The Starbuck I come to is a good example; I have never come here other then when I am out as Susan so I am pretty sure they all think I am at least living full time as Susan. They have never asked or said anything and I have never brought it up; after all it is kind of hard to work into a conversation. They accept me as Susan and treat me accordingly and so I am happy. For me I don’t have to be passable and fool people to be happy, if I can go out and have people treat me with respect and as I am presenting myself then I have won and I am passing.

I really think that being happy with your life and having things to look forward to is the key. Growing up I had so much guilt about my crossdressing, this is not what a boy did. I did get rid of my things once or twice growing up and many times promised myself I would never crossdress or put on makeup again but in the end I always went back to it. As time went by and I learned to accept this side of me things became clearer. After all why is it that society can say pink is a girls color and suddenly that is a rule. Pink is just a color like any other color. Society tries to fit everyone into neat little groups and what I have found is not everyone can or should fit into those groups. If a man wants to look pretty is that any different than a woman who doesn’t like to wear dresses or makeup. I have a female friend and no she does not know about Susan, but she almost never wears makeup, maybe a little mascara if she is going out someplace special and she does not own one dress, she has two skirts and the only heels she has in on pair of black heel with about a 1 inch heel which I have only seen her wear once. Now that being said she really is a very pretty woman and no one would every say anything to her about not being feminine. Why is it not the same for a man who maybe wants to wear a little eye shadow or lipstick or maybe a skirt. By the way skirts are actually very comfortable to wear as are dresses.

We as a society need to get past how we look or dress and just accept each other for the person they are. If we were to talk on the phone and you could not see me you would never know I am a crossdresser. You would find I have the same interest as any other man plus a few more as I could also carry on a conversation about fashion and makeup. I really am just your average guy next door with one extra interest in my life. Now think about all the people you know as odds are at least one or a few are crossdresser, transgender or transsexual. Most crossdressers hide this part of their lives very well some even from their wives and girlfriends. Now if you suddenly found out one of your friends were a crossdresser what would you do? Would you end the friendship or could you accept the fact you had a friend who is a crossdresser.

Now here is the fun part as I had someone e-mail me and tell me that if they found out a friend crossdressed that nothing would change and as much as that sounds wonderful the fact is things will change. Even if you are totally okay with it you will treat them a little different as you will have to, when they are dressed you will treat them differently then when they are not and that is good. When I am out as Susan I want to be treated as female and not the same way as I would in my male role and yes this does cause issues. For you who have not thought about it being out as a girl does on occasion attract attention from males. This is probably the hardest thing I had to learn to deal with. As a straight crossdresser I am not the least bit interested in men but I will admit it does make one feel good to get the compliment of being attractive enough for a man to notice but at the same time it is unsettling as even though I am Susan I do not have any attraction for men. I look at it as just part of presenting as female. After all women get compliments all the time from men and that doesn’t mean they are attracted to them, plus women also get compliments from other woman and that is okay so why shouldn’t a man be able to pay a compliment without it being strange or weird. I usually just thank them and I will even talk with them. After all it is the polite thing to do and that is the key to being a lady.

Well I kind of got off track here but if you take nothing else away from this blog other than the fact that as a crossdresser I am just as normal as anyone else I just have this one extra thing I enjoy. I am not asking anyone to run out and try crossdressing or that they suddenly have to be my friend, but just respect my right to live how I want and do the things I enjoy just the same way I respect all of you and the way you live your life.

Thanks for reading.

November 29, 2012 Posted by | Advice and tips, Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Question I have gotten a lot about telling people about my crossdressing.

Well I seem to get asked this question a lot so I figured why not do a blog on it. The question is have you told anyone about your crossdressing? Well first people who know my male self I have never told about this part of my life however there are some people I have met as Susan that I feel comfortable enough and trust enough to let them meet my male self.

There is a lot to consider when thinking about telling people, first remember once you tell just one person you no longer have control of who finds out. Now these are just my thoughts. I think if it does not affect someone then there is no reason to tell them unless you want to. This is just part of my life and therefore I don’t feel the need to tell people. Now I have dated woman before and never told them as I always believed I could or would stop my crossdressing and when I was with them I did but at this point in my life I have learned that Susan is just as much a part of my life and who I am that I would not stop. That being said when I meet that special lady, yes still hopeful I will find an accepting GG. I would feel I would have to tell her of course it would not be when we first started dating but once I felt that we had something long term. This is what is right for me and may not be right for everyone. Some crossdresser are very private and some are very public and open to everyone which just goes to show we are all different in some ways.

No I have had several conversations with the girls in my group about this and it is interesting to hear the differences and similarities. Now I don’t think I could aver just walk up to one of my neighbors, coworkers or friends and say, gee guess what, I like to crossdress. Sometimes I just like to dress up in a pretty dress, heels and makeup and go out and act like a lady. As you can see this is kind of hard to work into a conversation. Now a few years back I would never leave the house dressed up or leave the house during the day light, actually it was always late at night and dark out. I was so afraid someone, anyone would find out about my little hobby. I am not as worried about this anymore as my crossdressing has become more a part of my life so now I go out during the day. I still check to make sure none of my neighbors are out front as I won’t just drive off right in front of them.

Now I know that at least one of my neighbors has seen me and is probably wondering and it is probably just a matter of time before she gets a close enough look especially now as it is summer and stays light and they are outside more but still just can’t walk up to her and say guess what. It is funny as a couple other girls in the group feel the same way. We have talked about it and we all in a way wish our neighbors would just come up and ask us or tell us they saw us and ask us what’s up, but I guess it is just as hard for them to bring it up in a conversation too. It would really make life easier if they knew as I wouldn’t have to hide it anymore. Now people finding out still scares me but not nearly as much as it did just a couple years ago as I know it is just a matter of time.

The one thing we all have to remember is we all have our own paths to follow and what is right for me may not be what is right for you. We all have to live our lives the way we want. Now I have some friends that have awesome wives and girlfriends so I know there are woman out there that are okay with crossdressers.

So one last thought, if you know me, are a neighbor, friend or co-worker of mine and you have seen me out as Susan or have found my blog, facebook page please come and talk to me about it. I would be happy to answer question I am just not going to bring it up unless I know that you already know.

July 18, 2012 Posted by | Advice and tips | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Made it to Starbucks again finally

Well it has been another busy week for my male self. I was planning on coming to Starbuck’s tomorrow night but I have a meeting so at the last minute I decided tonight was my chance. I got all dressed up and was out the door earlier than normal when I come here so actually made it before 7. They are all done with their remodel and it really looks nice inside. They are also pretty busy as there was only one table open and I had to stand in line. The cool thing is it is almost all women here tonight only 3 men and about 15 women so I guess Starbuck’s tonight is a ladies night out.

It is strange as it has been awhile since I have been here. Looking back through my blog, one of the cool things about having a blog I can see the last time I was here was 5 weeks ago. For some reason I was thinking it had only been 3 weeks, my how time flies. It is relaxing to sit here and play on my computer, surf the internet, catch up on e-mails while enjoying a nice warm drink. It really is amazing how relaxing and comfortable I feel here.

I have been reading some of my friend’s blogs and posts on their facebook page about Diva Las Vegas. It sounds like they all had such a fun time and so many great pictures. I can’t wait for the Diva Las Vegas web page to post all the pictures. They usually give as month or two for people who attended to submit their pictures and then the same for those who attended to check them out and request to remove any of the ones with them in it as some girls want or need privacy and I know we have all been there at one time or another. I hope they will have them on their page by the fall. You can always check out the past years as they really have a lot of picture. It is a really fun week if you ever want to take a vacation as a girl.

Now I have gotten a few e-mails from other t-girls who I assume are just starting out wondering why I like to dress and I guess why they like to dress. I have done a lot of thinking on this over the years and all I can say is there is no one answers for everyone. We are all individuals and as such the reasons I dress may or may not be the same for others. There are some common areas that talking with other crossdressers I have found. Mostly it just feels right, I find it very relaxing. I can dress up as Susan and for a few hours I really am a different person, not a duel or split personality as I choose when and am always in control kind of like an actor or actress would play a part. But it is a great way to get away from any problems or issues in my life, what I call my mini vacations. As Susan I have a group of friends that are separate from my male side and his friends. It really is a great hobby and that is just how I view it. I have friends who play sports, camp, hike, fish, cook or any number of things to relax and for me it is being Susan. There really is no difference other than I think my hobby is way more fun. By the way I also like to camp, hike, fish and play some sports just my Susan time is the most fun for me.

Now as I said there are differences, one of the biggest for me is pictures. My male side hates his picture being taken but Susan loves the camera. It really is funny as I was going through all my pictures on my computer and it really shows. I found two pictures of my male self, both with an ex-girlfriend from 7 years ago, that is it. Now on the other hand Susan has over 2,000 pictures dating back to when I first started dressing which by the way is pre digital camera. Back when I would take pictures and have to have the film developed and then I would scan them into my computer before destroying the picture. I so love digital cameras so much easier and way cheaper. I was talking with some of my friends last week at the P-Club about this and it is funny as most of them are the same. Very few picture of their male self but hundreds if not thousands of their female side. I think girls are just more photogenic.

Now even with the differences between how I act and dress deep down I am the same person. I think the same, now I will admit that I probably lean more to the female gender (feelings) but I think that is just normal for me, I tend to have a softer side and outlook on life. I like pretty things and I like all kinds of movies from the action adventure to what most people would call a chick flick. I really think it makes me a more rounded person as I can see both sides and enjoy it all. Sharing both male and female sides gives one a unique perspective on life in general.

It is funny as today at work there was a couple arguing and the woman told the guy with her, “you just don’t understand what woman deal with” and I was thinking to myself maybe he does. I know I don’t understand everything about being a woman but I do know a lot. It is hard work to always look good, makeup, hair, clothes. My male side can get up in the morning, eat a bowl of cereal. Shower and dress and be out the door in less than thirty minutes. Susan on the other hand needs a lot more time. Just my makeup can take 30 minutes or more.

Well must get back to my e-mails now. This Friday I will of course be out with my friends at the P-Club. We go there every week but for me it is not about where we go but spending time with my friends as that is so important. I really think having good friends to spend time with and it does not matter if you are male, female or transgender is what makes life awesome and fun and keeps you healthy and happy. So that is my tip for a healthy happy life, make some good friends and remember a friendship is just like a relationship, there will be good and bad times and it takes work but the work is well worth the effort because a true friend is always there for you.

Have a great rest of the week.

May 23, 2012 Posted by | Starbucks, why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Susan’s thoughts on crossdressing on her weekly outing.

Well it is Tuesday evening and this week my night for Susan to go out. Actually it had to be tonight as my next chance for Susan time will be two weeks from tonight which seems so far away. It is strange when I think just a few years ago it was no big thing to go weeks even months without a chance to be Susan. Now it is such a normal part of my life to have a couple nights a week it seems strange. I will miss the next two Friday nights out with my friends and of course the first Saturday of the month Cassandra and Peggy are hosting a get together at their home and the second Saturday of the month is our Harvey’s Comedy club night and I will also miss these so really I am missing 4 nights out with my friends. Now I know I will survive.

It makes one wonder why I or any crossdresser feels this way. What is it about dressing up as the opposite sex that can have such a strong effect on someone? I mean I even feel relaxed and happy just thinking about my time out as Susan. I guess it is like when you are looking forward to a vacation and even though you haven’t gone the thought of it and the fun you will have can make you feel happy and relaxed. Emotions are a complicated thing. I think one of the big things for me is the different looks I can have. As a guy I am pretty normal, short hair and actually my hair style looks the same as it did in High school well there is a little grey now. Woman change their hair styles and color all the time but generally speaking men don’t. Women really do have so many more options in how they look.

I love long nails but in my male life I can’t have them for several reasons. As Susan I get to have long nails in an array of different colors, tonight is Pompeii Purple, Last Friday a bright red and last week here at Starbucks a dark red. Even if only for a few hours having my long pretty nails is wonderful. It is so much fun to try different looks and so amazing how simple little things can change your look. Different style or length of a wig, color of lipstick or eye shadow, shoes, clothes they all can change your look and I find this really fun. For me I kind of look at it as being an artist and instead of painting a picture I create Susan. It is amazing how much it has grown from just putting on some makeup when I was small to trying to look and act as a woman. I guess that makes me an actress, I have a friend who has a blog which she calls crossacting which is really what I do. Think of when you were a little kid and you would play cowboys and Indians or cops and robbers, it is the same thing except I am playing dress up and being a lady. I get just as much fun as I did as a little kid playing and I think that is a big reason why a feel and people tell me I look young and I have no stress in my life, well maybe just a little as some times it is hard to figure out what I should wear or how I should do my makeup. I really believe everyone should have a little play time in their lives as we tend to be so busy and worry about everything that comes along. We all need a way to take a break from our daily lives and that is what I get from my crossdressing, that and it is just so much fun.

Well as I said tonight was my night out this week and I am at Starbuck’s. They were really busy when I got here, only on table open. It looks like they are also doing training on some new employees here tonight as they have 7 girls working and they are doing what looks like an orientation at the table next to me. The rest of the tables are full and they are almost all female, in the corner are two men and then the big table has 5 women and one guy, everyone else is female 3 at the table next to me 2 behind me and the other 3 tables have one woman each and most have computers. I guess this is the place for a single girl to go and work on her computer.

It really is nice that Starbuck’s has free Wi-Fi. It is so much better than sitting at home dressed as Susan on my computer. I know a lot of people wonder why I would come here by myself but it is fun and relaxing and as I said beats just sitting at home. for a $3.50 I can get a Hot Chocolate as I do have to go home and go to bed plus I am not a big fan of coffee. On a cold night like tonight I am having 2 and then just relax and play on my computer. Catch up on e-mails, update my blog, chat with friends and even find some time to do some actual work. If you are looking for a place to go by yourself I would recommend Starbucks.

Well must get some work done. Thanks for reading. This will be my last blog for a couple weeks but yes I will be back.

Have a great couple weeks.

February 28, 2012 Posted by | Starbucks, why crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

My Pedicure

Well it was a short night as I got to bed a little after 2 am and my alarm went off at 8 am. Now my appointment is at 10 am so I had 2w hours to get ready and downtown Portland to the Beauty School. Now I have been looking forward to this since I won the free pedicure at Cassandra & Peggy’s Halloween party, Thanks so much you two. Now getting ready would take a little time as when I got home last night all I did was wipe what makeup I could off and went right to bed so now I would have to remove all the makeup from last night, shave, shower and get ready. A lot to do and I really want to leave by 9:15 as it will take about 25 minutes to get there and I am not totally sure where it is or what the parking will be like so I have my work cut out for me.

Now one of the hardest to get off is my lipstick as I really like my lips to look good I have worked hard to find a way to keep it from coming off, so here is Susan’s tip of the day for long wearing lip color. I start with a good lip liner. I like Revlon color stay. Once I have my foundation on I outline my lips and then fill them in the whole lip with the lip liner. Now I work on the rest of my face, once my makeup is all done I put on my lip stick, I like L’Oreal Infallible Le Rouge as it is a long wearing lip stick to start. Now I set out my clothes and jewelry as this gives the lipstick a little time to set. Then I blot on a tissue which dries it out. Now I get dressed, wig jewelry and a when I am already to leave I put on another coat of lipstick and I am done. The results are great and the lipstick stays. Even in the shower with soap and water it really takes a lot and lot of scrubbing to get off. Wow got a little side tracked there.

Anyway I jumped into the shower and what I have found for getting off makeup including my lipstick and eye makeup is just a little Olive oil, not too much as that can make your skin really oily plus this also helps soften your facial hair for shaving. Once the makeup is gone I wash of the olive oil but your face is still soft feeling. Any way I showered and shaved and was out of the shower by 8:20 and started doing my makeup. Now being the day time the makeup is not nearly as heavy as when I go out to a club which does make it easier plus I already knew what I was going to wear. Any way I was happy as I was all ready and dressed and out the door at 9 am. One hour which from start to finish is really good, I guess practice does make you better. The one drawback is going for a pedicure I had to wear my flip flops which I really hate. I have never liked the look or feel of them, hate things between my toes but for a pedicure flip flops are a must so for one morning I make do.

No today is a beautiful day all sunny and bright but luckily my neighbor is not home and I don’t see anyone outside. I am kind of glad my appointment is earlier as I can leave before my neighbor get outside. Well I had my GPS all programmed for the beauty school Beau Monde which is in South West Portland and off I went. I love GPS as it took me right to it and as it turns out parking is not bad, I found several spots right across the street. I walked across and inside and was there by 9:35 so I was a little early. Any way as I walked in Roxy was right there so I checked in and we went back to start my pedicure. Funny when you sign in they have you sign a paper saying you are a model think it has to do with the fact they are students doing the work but hay if they want to call me a model who am I to argue.

Now if you have never had a pedicure you are missing something wonderful. Yes I can do it at home for a fraction of the price but there is something about having someone else do it. They soak your feet, trim the nails, buff the feet, clean the cuticle and then massage your foot and lower leg. Then they put the nail polish on and you are done. In all about an hour. In my mind so worth the money, typically in a salon around where I live it is $20 to $25 plus tip but As I had a free one it was even better. You really should give it a try.

Well Roxy worked on my feet, I keep calling her Roxy even though she was in male mode. I asked her if the people at the school knew about Roxy and her dressing and she said yes so it was just so much easier to call her by the name I know her best by. Any way we chatted the whole time she worked on my feet and it gave us a good chance to talk and get to know each other better. We have talked many times while out but you are always in a group so hard to get that one on one time to really get to know someone. It was just as I knew she is a really nice down to earth person. I learned where she grew up and a lot about her which is nice. Also learned a lot about the beauty school and how it works. Turns out the students not only pay for the beauty school but have to buy most of their supplies which they use on the customers that pay the school for the service. Now that is a good business to get into.

I of course picked out a bright red nail polish for my toes, yes I love red. She did an awesome job and my toes look great. She was a little slower so it took a little more time then when I went to the salon last time but that was fine with me as I was having fun. It was such a relaxing fun morning. When she was all done she had one of the instructors come in and check her work and sign off on my paper work. If you ever go to a beauty school tips are important to them as they work for free and pay the school to be there.

Roxy and I went upfront to the desk and I gave Roxy my gift certificate and a tip for her work. She thanked me and I was on my way. It was a little after 11 when I walked out onto the street with my pretty red toe nails showing. I thought about going shopping but as pretty as my toe nails looked I just didn’t want to be walking around in flip flops. Maybe if it was a nice warm summer day so I went home. It was a short time out as Susan, kind of like going to Starbucks but still fun and my feet look pretty again.

Thanks Roxy, you did a great job.

Thanks for reading and have a great rest of the weekend.

February 4, 2012 Posted by | Advice and tips, nail salon | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

%d bloggers like this: