Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Friday night Susan time, and who I am

I got home a little early, so I decided to do a quick job dressing up, simple makeup and a dress and then paint my nails. That was the goal for the evening and then I got thinking about why I do this and who I am and thought would try and explain it in my blog, not that I need to explain, but I know some girls out there are struggling with this like I did for many year. Now this is my view only and how my life relates to me and in no way means every trans person feels this way. I tell girls who are just starting to go out to take the time to figure out who they are and how they feel and do not just assume how I or anyone else feels are correct for them.

So simply put to most people I am a crossdresser, a man who likes to wear woman’s clothes and that is true I guess but it is more then that. My personality is softer, gentler, more caring then what I would say the average male is. I like pretty things and colors, I like to look pretty and smell pretty and I am more comfortable in what most would call the feminine roll. I can get teary eyed in sad or emotional movies and I like to watch them, I like it when people think or tell me I look pretty. I like the long hair, jewelry, clothes and yes, the makeup and nails. Now some people get this confused with sexual preference and those are 2 completely different things and all I will say on that is how I present is mostly also what I am attracted to. I am not at all attracted to men, big, muscular, hairy men. Even for woman I am attracted to the softer feminine shape, even muscular woman I am not attracted to, nothing wrong with that just my preference. For me when I see a woman the first thing, I notice are their nails and makeup. If they have long pretty nails and makeup especially red lipstick, they are beautiful and nothing else matters, size, shape, age or nationality. Part of my dressing is to create what I find attractive, yes dresses, heels and long hair are also a plus.

Now on to me, so yes, I consider myself as transgender as it is way more then just the simple act of wearing something feminine or dressing up it is about presenting as a female and feeling feminine. Where I differ from some girl is I don’t feel my body is wrong or I should have been born female and the reason I feel this way as when I am my male self I don’t feel wrong or think about why I am not female. Now that may be overly simplistic, and I do not want to offend others who feel they need to transition as that is how they feel. I would like to say I understand how they feel and I can support them and try to understand but without these feelings myself I can never truly understand their feelings, I can only imagine how I would feel and I am sure that does not come close to the full feeling they have.

Now that being said there are some common things we share. As I said I hate hairy men and that goes for me also, I hate my body hair and I have done everything I can. Years ago I bought an epilator, actually I just got a new one as I wore my old one out and I use it on my body, started with just my legs and saw how well it worked and moved on to my arms, chest, stomach and lower back yes every place I could reach. The good thing is my legs the hair is so fine and sparse that you really cannot tell even if I go a few weeks and my arms and chest are getting that way also. Yes, if I could remove all my body hair easily I would, and I know there are ways but the cost and effort to me are just too high. I also got my ears pierced recently but there are a lot of men with pierced ears. I did for a while have short thin acrylic nails and I am sure people noticed but yes I will admit I really want to have long pretty nails all the time and if men would not be judged for this I would have them. I think about growing my hair out and don’t get me wrong having long pretty hair would be great but there is also something to be able to change the length, style and color of my hair as simply as putting on a wig so I am torn about the hair. Yes, I would love the softer smoother skin woman have and with hormones I could get that but there are also a lot of other things that come with the hormones I am not sure of or want. Now that is my normal life view.

Now when I am Susan yes I would love real breast, I would also love the narrower waist and wider hips that hormones would give me but what do I do when I am not Susan and sense I don’ want to live full time if I did this then when I am not Susan I would have to hide it in other words cross-dress back to a man. I would also love the smooth front (not having to tuck) but this is not about getting rid of that part of my body but hiding it. Yes when I am Susan I do wish I was completely female as that is the goal of what I am trying for when I dress and I know I will never completely achieve it as I am but that is okay with me. As I said it took me many years of struggling with this to understand who I am and how this fits in my life and there are some key people who helped me. Alice the first real friend I had and who helped me get out and feel comfortable the first few times I went out. Cassandra the girls who started our group and made weekly outings possible and helped us go beyond just going to LGBTQ bars and out into the real world. Peggy her wife who was the first non-trans person Susan got to know and who totally accepted me for who I am, we still go shopping occasionally. Julie who is so supportive and looks at things similar to how I do. Mellissa who is now living full time as Melissa and is out to everyone but still supports all trans people no matter where they fit in the spectrum, Jan and Lynn who are a great couple and Lynn is so supportive of Jan and the rest of us and there are so many more and I hope they don’t feel left out but these girls I have know for years and to say they are my best friends is not enough they really are more like family and that is the best blessing I have gotten from my journey.

Now no one knows for sure how anything will turn out or where our lives will be in the future. What I can say about myself is I will never transition, (have surgeries to change who I am). I do think occasionally about hormones but I really doubt I would take them if I even thought about it, it would probably be just short term just to soften and smooth my skin but I am not sure that is possible. Now later in life I am guessing I will spend more time as Susan, not full time but a greater amount of my time. I think a way to look at the difference is what if you won the lottery 100 million dollars what would you do. Most transsexuals Surgery would be close to the top if not the top thing. For me I would live more as Susan, and yes as I would not have to care what others thought or worry about a job I would have long pretty acrylic nails and I may look into electrolysis. Yes, I would probably come out to most everyone as I would spend most of my time as Susan and they would need to know but that would be it.

Simply put it took me a long time to get to this point in my life and to understand who Susan is and how she fits in my life and to accept her and be okay with who I am and it does have a lot to do with the people mentioned above. I have to say I have a pretty wonderful life right now because of being able to bring all parts of who I am together. I encourage all of you to find out for yourself who you are and how your life fits together. If that means therapy get it, talking to people do it, whatever it takes to be happy with yourself because only you can make your life happy and worth while. Be true to yourself.

These are my thoughts and how I feel only, and I am by no means an expert, but this is something I have wanted to write for a while. Now it is time to get ready for my Saturday as Susan. thanks for reding and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what is new in my life

April 25, 2020 Posted by | Susan Time, Thoughts on Crossdressing, why crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Thursday home alone as Susan

Well it is Thursday and another day of being Susan at home. I got up at 8 again and took a nice warm shower before starting to get ready for my day at home. today I am going for a more dramatic look for my eyes and that includes doing false eye lashes today. It was almost 10 when I was dressed and I thought my eyes came out really pretty today not the typical day time look if I was going out shopping but for a day at home it worked and the false eye lashes set them off. I went downstairs for breakfast and the to start my day at home.

Now my days are pretty boring just hanging around the house. Today I am going to do a little laundry so I got the first load in and then spent a little time on my computer checking the latest news and just surfing the internet. Kind of the same thing I do when I go to Starbucks, not as much fun but still passes the time. I also did some online training I needed to do.

It was about 1 when I fixed a sandwich and went out on my deck to get some sunshine as it is a really nice day in the low 60’s, of course I took my computer out with me to finish up what I was doing. Now my deck has grape plants around it for privacy but this early in the year they have not sprouted yet so my deck is visible by my neighbors if they are out but I really don’t care if they see me. With the warm weather this week I am ready for spring and it looks like I have 2 more nice days before we have rain again. Being able to get out side for a while is nice.

It was about 3 when I went back inside and started watching Star Trek the next generation, yes, I am a trekkie I guess as far as I do like all the star trek series. I watched a few episodes before fixing a lite dinner. I am not real hungry as I don’t do much being stuck at home. I finished watching the Star Trek episodes today and now I am watching the movie Wonder woman and that is how I will finish off my day. the movie gets over at 11 and then it will be time for bed. I really did like the way my makeup turned out today.

Now I can’t explain why I enjoy being Susan like this but there is just something so calming and relaxing about spending the day like this. I guess it is my way of making up for not being able to go to Las Vegas next week where I would have lived as Susan for days straight. Now I know some may say that it sounds like I want to transition but I really don’t. I have no desire to change my body or live full time. I will admit if money was no object, I would probably spend most of my time as Susan but there would still be times, I would want to be my male self. Also, if men could have long acrylic nails I would in a second, that id probably the one thing I would do all the time if I could. Simply put I love the long hair and makeup and the clothes and heels but I am happy with my body. It has taken me many years to figure out who I am and how Susan fits into my life and what is right for me. It is very important for anyone just starting out in the gender community to take the time and figure out who they are and don’t let others influence them. As I said I know who I am and how this fits into my life but that is all it is. My views here are just that my views and how it applies to me and my life. Now it may be the same for you or it may not and that is okay as we are not all the same. Everyone needs to find their own way and what makes them happy and if you can do that the you have won. Be happy with yourself is the best advice I can give plus smile.

Thanks for reading

March 19, 2020 Posted by | why crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

My first time going out someplace as Susan

Okay last week I posted a blog from Starbucks’s about my journey to be who I am and I got some good feedback on that. I was hoping by sharing it might help others trying to get out for the first time. Now I remember the night really well as most of us do as it is such a pivotal point in our lives, I just can’t remember exactly when it was. I think it was in the late 90’s maybe 1998 or 1999 but the date is not important.

I stated off dressing just at home and then late-night drives and maybe Burger Kings drive through and once or twice if I was out late enough, past 2:30am when alcohol sales end I did hit a 7-11 to buy some milk just to see and that was so scary. I also rented a motel room a couple times for a weekend and went and got acrylic nails but again I spent the day either in the motel room or I went out as my male self and kept my hands in my pocket and then did late night drives and I made sure my nail appointment was the last of the night so the fewest people saw me. Now that was over, I was bound and determined to go out as Susan and be seen. I had herd of a place called Embers, it is closed now. It was bar with a dance floor in back and they did Drag shows a couple nights a week and I had herd other t-girls went there so it was perfect. Now as I don’t remember the actual date, I do know it was warm outside so I am thinking it was late spring or summer.

I got all dressed up on a Saturday night, did my makeup without the lipstick. Put my dress on and heels and then a big coat over it with my wig on the seat next to me I put on my sunglasses, pulled the visor down and opened my garage door and pulled out and I was on my way. I stopped at a park and took my coat off, put my hair on and did my lipstick in the rearview mirror. This was a lot of work and effort to get this far, the hard part was over or at least I thought. I drove downtown Portland and found Embers, they had a parking lot across the street but you had to pay and I just couldn’t bring myself to do that so I drove around a little and found a spot across the street about half a block up facing Embers and as it was almost 8 I didn’t have to pay to park. Now it was just walking about 200 feet to the corner, crossing the street and going in piece of cake right, no it is not.

There were people parking and walking on the sidewalks and coming and going not only from Embers but other businesses around. I sat in my car till it was clear and then I started to open the door and here came someone else. This went on and on and I sat there unable to get out of the car. I kept looking over and my goal was so close but yet so far and then finally a little after 9, more than an hour sitting in my car I gave up and drove home. I just couldn’t get out of the car. I was so scared and when I got home, I was so disappointed. All that effort to get out of the house and go out and this was how it ended but I told myself that was it. Next Saturday I was going to do it. All week long I thought about what went wrong and the fact I just didn’t know about all the people out so now I was prepared.

Next Saturday came and I went through all the work to go out just like last week and got downtown Portland and parked in almost the same spot. I was ready and then I saw the other people and the same fears came back and once again I sat in the car for a little over an hour before going home disappointed but with the resolve I would do it again next week and I would be successful. Next Saturday came and I went through all the work and got out again and this tie I was able to park a little closer so that would make the difference but again no it wouldn’t. I just couldn’t open the car door. Once again, a little over an hour and I once again was on my way home for the time in weeks but I was determined to do it next week

The following Saturday I once again went through all the work to go out and again I parked almost the same spot. I was going to make it but once again every time I thought it was clear and started to open my door, I saw someone else walking and closed it. I sat there for over an hour and couldn’t get out of the car. I kept going over and over in my mind why not, it was fear. It was about 9:15 and I once again had been sitting in my car for over an hour and once again I gave up. I started my car and was waiting for traffic to clear so I could pull out and wasn’t watching the people walking by when I herd someone tap on my car window. I turned and it was another T-girl so I rolled down the window and she smiled at me and asked if I was going in and if I wanted to walk in with her. I don’t know if she realized what this meant to me but she was like a gift from heaven and I said yes and with her help I got out of my car, scared to death and we walked in together.

Her name was Lori and though I only saw her once after tonight I will forever remember her and her kindness. We went inn and she stayed with me and introduced me to all the security people there and the bar staff. She was wonderful and made me feel so welcome and not alone. I told her my store I just shared with you and she told me how safe and accepting this place was and then she told me about several other places t-girls go and offered to take me so about 11:30pm we went out and got in her van and we drove over to CC Slaughters and went in and once again she introduced me to the staff. We also walked around the corner to fox and Hound and checked that out and then over to Habbo’s. then back in her van and over to another place I can’t remember the name and checked it out introducing me to the staff again. It was after 1 am now and we once again were back in her van and we drove several blocks to Pan a Rama to check that place out, they charge a cover but only on men so we got to go in for free. We stayed here till almost 3am before leaving. Back in her van and she drove me back to my car and told me she hoped to see me out again. I couldn’t thank her enough as it was probably the best night of my life. I was so excited and on such a high I could barely contain myself as I got in my car and drove home. I git home and went to my room and collapsed on the bed and I was out till morning. I woke up just as I was the night before still wearing the same dress and makeup.

I took a shower and cleaned up and had breakfast as I replayed the night before in my mind. It was so awesome and such a dream came true and then reality set in. I thought to myself, my god I got in a strange girl van I had just met and went off with her all over town. Even as my male self I would not have done that, it worked out well but it did scare me as I was so happy to meet someone like me that I dud let my guard down. Now don’t get me wrong Lori was an awesome person and an answer to my prayers but I did make a mental not to be more careful when I was out. Now it was several months before I went out again and I ran into Lori and thanked her again and I hope she knows what that night meant to me. But as I was only going out every few months that was the last time, I saw her. I often wonder what happened to her. she showed me a kindness I could never repay and so I try to help other girls trying to go out for the first time and if this store can help it is well worth the post.

A little long but I hope if you read it you got something out of it. Thanks for reading and be sure and read my most recent blog to see what I am up to now.

July 16, 2019 Posted by | Advice and tips, Out and about as Susan, Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Thursday night at the nail salon

It is Thursday night and I am going to the nails salon for a pedicure and fill. Now I really don’t need one as both my toes and fingers look great still although my finger nails are getting a little long. This really is the one problem I have with getting my nails done with acrylic. I really could go 3 weeks between fills but they get pretty long by then at least for my male side. Even my pedicure held up well 6 weeks and no chips but it is all about timing. You see 4 weeks from today I will be back at Dream Nails for a pedicure and a full set of long acrylic nails for my trip to Diva Las Vegas. I got home and called Dream nails to get an appointment and Anna could get me in at 5 so I had about 1 ½ hours to get ready.

I took my time getting ready, I really like it more when I am not rushed. I know some people think it is strange to spend that much time getting ready just to go to the nail salon or a few hours at Starbuck’s and even I can’t explain it other than I enjoy it. Now I had my makeup done and still had time so I decided to wear my corset for the evening as I really do like the way it makes my waist look and really it is really comfortable other then in and out of the car and maybe a long drive in the car. I got to Dream nails just before 5 and went in, they were really slow tonight, only 1 lady getting a pedicure so Anna was ready to start. Of course, I had to pick a color for my toes, I went with a purple color this time.

Anna started on my nails and it is such a relaxing feeling to have someone do your nails. As she worked we talked a little. She asked if I wanted the deluxe pedicure tonight which I have done once before, as I said it was slow and Anna said it had been slow all week so I am sure they were looking for more services to do. I think it is that time of year as taxes are do in a couple weeks and also property taxes in a little over a month so people are probably a little tighter with their money. Any way I decided to go for the deluxe pedicure, $20 more but it is really relaxing. The main difference is they use a scented lotion and creams and even sent the water, I went with Lavender. They also put a cream on your leg and then wrap it in a hot towel for a while and also give your foot a paraffin wax treatment to soften your feet plus I think the message your legs and feet longer. Not something I would do all the time as it would get expensive but will probably do again in 4 weeks right before Diva Las Vegas and the same for the Cruise this fall.

As Anna did my nails another lady came in and she also got her nails done and was at the next table to me so we did talk a little about nails. It really is an enjoyable experience. I tell everyone you need to get a pedicure and acrylic nails at least once just to experience it and I got a feeling you will probably do it more often once you try it. Anna did a great job on my nails and soon they were just as pretty but a little shorter. Now it was time for my pedicure.

Kathy was once again doing my pedicure, Anna and Kathy always do a wonderful job as do all the people here and I have had several of them do my nails at one time or another. It is funny as I did come here a few times early on but I have been coming here every 2 to 3 weeks now for 2 years and I will have had acrylic nails now for 11 months although thinner than most woman and of course no pretty colors but they still look great. Now as I said I wore my corset today and sitting at the table getting my nails done was fine but sitting in the pedicure chair was not as comfortable, note to self when getting a pedicure, no corset. Kathy did a wonderful job on my feet and it was so relaxing, the deluxe pedicure is the way to go if you can. Normally it takes about an hour to get my fill and pedicure but it was closer to 1 ½ hours. Now partly because the deluxe pedicure takes longer but I have noticed that if they are busy then tend to rush a little more to get people through and this is just not Dream Nails but all nail salons I have gone to and I have talked to others and they say the same. If you do want to get your nails done my two tips, get an appointment and try to avoid really busy times. It was time for the polish and Kathy put the first coat on and as it dried it last all its shine, to say the least I was not happy at the color I had picked but I figured in 4 weeks I would change it. Kathy put a second coat on and the same and then the top coat. The top coat did put a nice shine on it and to my surprise it really looked great and really shiny, turns out it was a great choice. It was 6:30 when I left the Dream Nails

After my nail appointment went across the street to Starbuck’s as I had about 1 ½ hours till they closed and did some work and caught up on some e-mails. Some of the e-mails were questions I get asked from other transgender and non-transgender and probably the most asked is why I do this. There is no simple answer to this, I have talked with other crossdressers and there is no defining thing or moment in our lives we can point to and say this is it, this is why. We just do. Why do some people like chocolate and others don’t? why do some people like sports and others don’t? why do some men have facial hair and others don’t? why do some woman wear dresses, have long hair or nails and others don’t? In the end it comes down to personal preference and that is it. I am more comfortable this way even though when I am out I really am not thinking about how I am dressed. I really don’t know why, I do know that when I dress I do try to emulate what I find attractive in women. The other thing people think is I must be gay and from what I have learned most (75% or more) are straight males. Their dressing has nothing to do with their sexual attraction. As I said for me I try to emulate what I find attractive and for me that is the female body, shape, form, and look. Hair on a body, arms, chest is not at all attractive and I do everything I can to have a smooth clean body.

The other question is am I going to, or when will I transition an d the answer to that is I am not going to as that is not right for me. Now these are my thoughts and observations on these things and I am by no means an expert so remember that before you tell me I am wrong. Talking with both transsexuals and crossdressers there seems to be some common thing and things that are specific to just one. Both have a need to be feminine (or other sex depending on if you are MTF or FTM). The difference is about your body. Transsexuals need to physically be the other gender, they feel their body is wrong. Crossdressers need to present, be accepted as the other gender. From just looking at them you can’t tell as it is all about how they see themselves.

Now for me yes when I am Susan I would love to have real breast, hips, narrower shoulder, 5 to 7 inches shorter, no bulge between my legs but it is because of how it looks and how people see me, it is not about my body being wrong, it is the outward appearance. When I am not Susan I don’t think about it and is I did have real breast then I would be crossdressing the other way as when I was not Susan I would need to bind them down to hid them. Now I do know some crossdressers that have told me they would love to have breast and they would if they could but again there is that key words, love to have them not they their body is wrong or they are not truly who they are without them. It’s like saying I would love to have a million dollars and doing what I can to get it, verse having to have a million dollar to feel you are complete. The way I look at it is if I won 10 million dollars tomorrow how would my life change. For me I would dress as Susan most of the time, pierce my ears, have long acrylic nails and maybe even grow my hair out, surgery not something I would do. A transsexual the first thing on their list would be surgery. Now this is a simple way of looking at it and there is more to t than this but it is a good start and what I have learned.

Wow got a little off topic but that’s okay. Starbucks was a little slow tonight but a relaxing time while I gave the polish on my toes time to fully dry. After Starbucks I went through the drive thru and then home. It was a relaxing 4 hours.

Thanks for reading and be sure and see what’s new with Susan on my most recent blog.

March 18, 2018 Posted by | Manicure & pedicure, nail salon, Thoughts on Crossdressing, why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Saturday night out at Starbuck’s

Well it is Saturday night and I am going to Starbuck’s. I usually go to Starbuck’s during the week but today was special. I was contacted by a t-girl named Jolene and she is just starting out after suppressing her feelings all her life. She e-mailed me about 2 weeks ago and we have been exchanging e-mails since and she has a lot of questions and she wanted to meet and talk. Now I know how hard it is to make that first step and I was lucky to have had a few t-girls, Alice, Lori and Cassandra who really helped me when I was first trying to go out and so I wanted to help Jolene. I told her I would meet her at my favorite Starbuck’s and gave her the address and we agreed to meet at 5:30.

Now I started getting ready by 3 as I really hoped to be there by 5 so I could do a little work before Jolene got there. It is funny as I changed my mind about what I was going to wear again. Now eve going to Starbuck’s I put thought into what I wear so I look good but as I was meeting someone else I did take a little more time. I wore my yoga pants with a cute long black and white top ad of course my boots, it really is a cute look.

I got there a little after 5 and got a hot chocolate and found a table and did some work while I waited for Jolene. There were a few other people here today but they weren’t as busy as I thought they would be on a Saturday night.

Jolene showed up at 5:30 in boy mode as she has never dressed up completely. Of course she recognized me from picture on my blog and I recognized her from the picture she had sent me. She looked a little nervous at first but as always the need to be who we are finally pushes us to get past that nervous feeling and she was taking that first step. She sat down and we started talking.

We started off trying to figure out where she falls in the T-girl world as that can be the hardest part. I figured I should know a little bit about her before I started answering questions or giving advice as what is right for me may not be right for her or anyone else. So often we can get caught up in our lives and what we want and need and we just assume everyone else should feel the same and that is not always correct.

We talked a little about makeup as she has never really put makeup on. Now this can be the hardest thing to learn for a t-girl. I gave her some ideas and tips and of course a YouTube video she could watch. I also recommended going to Victoria Sinclair’s Over the Rainbow as she does transformations for men and teaches makeup. I think back to when I first started wow some of the looks I came up with were scary and the money I wasted on makeup that was wrong. Too bad Victoria wasn’t around then. The other part to learning makeup is practice, lots of practice. I also recommended the Esprit to her as that is a good place to start if you have never been out. We even talked a little about Diva Las Vegas.

I hope I helped her some as I know how scary these first step are, we all feel so alone when we start out. It is awesome once we realize we are not alone. We had a nice time talking and it is amazing how fast the time went by. Before we knew it, it was 8:45 and they were getting ready to close, wow did not seem like we were there for 3 hours. I hope I didn’t talk too much.

Jolene seemed nice and I think I made a new friend tonight. I invited her to come out with our group whenever she wants and when she is ready to join the group. I do think she will come out with us. Building friendships with others that feel the same as you do can make this journey so much easier. I know how much my friends have helped me become the lady I am.

Thanks for reading

January 10, 2015 Posted by | Advice and tips, Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Relaxing night at home

Well this is an unusual blog for me tonight as I usually don’t blog about non Susan things but tonight I am just relaxing at home as my male self, but decided to give myself a pedicure. Not as much fun as going to the salon and getting one but my toes were looking pretty bad and as I have a Christmas party to go to Saturday night I wanted pretty toes for it. Now there are advantages to doing your own pedicure at home. While I was soaking my feet it gave me a chance to shave my legs and get them silky smooth also. It is funny how I can so look forward to a party like this and start getting ready days in advance and planning what to wear. Something men never do.

Well after my legs were done and my feet soft and nails trimmed it was time to paint them. I picked a Fuchsia color as I tend to like the red colors. It is funny that something as simple as painting your nails can be so relaxing and calming. It is a shame that men cannot do such things without society judging them as different. Any way I have my dress all picked out, my little black one that I love and don’t get to wear that often. I did look for a new dress when I was out Christmas shopping but didn’t find one. These are all the wonderful things that I enjoy about being Susan.

Well I spent about an hour between shaving, soaking and painting my toe nails and now they look beautiful for the weekend. Any way I am now relaxing on the couch and playing on my computer and I came across a movie about Crossdressing/transvestites. It is called Just like a woman that was made in 1992, and looks like a British movie. Now I have seen lots of movies that deal with Transsexuals, Crossdressing and gender bending but this one I just thought was done well as it shows what a lot of crossdressers go through and what they feel and yes it is specifically about crossdressing. It is 105 minutes long and believe it or not you can watch the whole thing on YouTube, it is in 10 parts though. I have included the links below in case you want to check it out, it actually might be a good movie to show someone to help explain Crossdressing. . Well my nails are dry now and all ready to go out and show them off.

Thanks for reading

Just like a woman

Gerald is a yuppie-like transvestite in his thirties. His wife arrives home earlier than expected and discovers female attire spread over their apartment. Not knowing anything about his habit, she misinterprets this and throws him (and the attire) out of their home and marriage. He rents a room in Monica’s house, recently divorced and around 50. Their relation- ship evolves from landlady/tenant over friends to lovers. Monica learns about, begins to understand and finally appreciates and supports Gerald- ine, Gerald’s alter ego. His transvestitism, a rarely filmed

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

December 26, 2013 Posted by | why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tips for beautiful nails

Well this has been a blog I have wanted to write for a while and am just now getting around to it. If you have red my blogs you know I love long pretty nails. I think that is the one thing I would do full time if men could have pretty nails. As such I have tried many things to do my nails from painting them, acrylics which I love, glue on but finding something you can do quickly and lasts and you can take off as easily as they go on and better yet reuse them without damaging your nails is hard. I would love to take credit for this but it was actually Barb who came up with this idea and shared with Cassandra who passed on to me and now I share it with all of you. Now I will admit the most expensive part of this is the nail polish as I love OPI but any polish will do. This is what you need,

Nail polish, one clear and the color of your choice (I like OPI) $8 each

Artificial nails they need to be full nails not the tips, I like KISS brand Active Square 200 count as I can get 10 sets out of it. Under $7

Scott’s outdoor mounting tape (it is water proof), I buy at Home Depot, about $15 for over 400 inches.

I also get some mounting putty (under $2) and a piece of wood (under $2).

Now there are two options, you can use the nails as they are or you can put some of the nail glue on the underside and let dry, to do this just spread out on some paper towels. The reason for the glue is it makes them a little stronger. The nails usually will split up the middle from the cuticle end from reuse. Now I have got anywhere from 10 to 30 uses from the nails without the glue depending on how careful you are taking them off. With the glue you should easily last longer but they sit a little higher on the nail so I would try both ways and see what you like.

Now the trick I use is to mount the nails on the edges of the wood using the mounting putty, I can get 2 sets of 10 on each edge and if I prop up on blocks I can use all 4 edges so I can actually do 8 sets of nails at one time, for this I only did 4 sets.

I put the clear coat on and by the time I get all the nails done the first am dry and ready for the color and I repeat just going around, 2 coats of color and then the clear coat again. This is the slowest part but you can do a lot of nails in one shot and then you are good for awhile. You can also do several colors at once and have a variety of choices.

Let the nails dry and then you are ready to go. I can put on a set in under 5 minutes and if I want I can remove and put another color on in about the same time so you can change your nails

When you are ready you just put the mounting tape on the nails and you are ready to go. I use small pieces as I think they fit better plus the mounting tape really does hold the nails secure. I put the tape on all the nails first. Make sure and press them onto the nail so they stick well.

Then I use tweezers and peel off the tape and place them on my nail, squeeze the nail onto your finger nail and hold for a few seconds to make sure they are secure.

There you have it pretty beautiful nails for the day or evening look. They look great and stay on really well. I have even left on for a weekend and took a bath and shower and the nails held fast.

Now to take of you want to put a little pressure on the tip and take an cuticle orange stick under the back and gently lift up. If you do this carefully you can do it without damaging the nails and get many uses out of them. Once the nail is off, use the cuticle orange stick and scrape the tape off the back and you are ready for the next time.

February 5, 2013 Posted by | Advice and tips | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

A little Starbucks time tonight and some thoughts on crossdressing.

Well it is another busy week for both my male and female self; I had not planned on going out last night as Susan and at the last minute went out to dinner with some of my friends. Now it is Thursday which I had planned on going to Starbucks which is where I find myself right now. It was a rush tonight as I got home late so a quick bite to eat and time to start getting ready.

Starbucks is not real busy tonight so not a lot of people watching but gives me a good chance to catch up on e-mails, chat and of course my blog. It is funny some of the e-mails I get from people. I got one recently that was interesting as the crossdresser who sent it started off by telling me how pretty I am and passable and what girl doesn’t want to hear that. The truth is I know I am not passable but I do think of myself as pretty. Any way this got me thinking about how we perceive ourselves and what our goals are. I have many friends in the transgender community and what I have found is almost everyone has different ideas of passing.

When I was young I truly believed I could dress and pass 100% but with age I have come to realize this really is not possible for most crossdressers. What really is important is self acceptance. If we can all learn to accept ourselves for who we are and be okay with it that will show through to other people. I go out a couple times a week and have for the most part not had any problems. I think once I accepted that most people would realize I was male rather quickly and that was okay it really made it more enjoyable and relaxing to go out.

I think if you can come across self-confident and that you are not doing anything wrong or out of the ordinary most people will accept this. In my case I am a crossdresser and only dress this way a couple times a week but people who meet me don’t know that and I am sure that although they know I was not born female are not sure where in the transgender community I fit. After all most crossdressers do not go out so this probably leads most people to think I am either pre-opt or post-opt transsexual and as such they may not know what to say. The Starbuck I come to is a good example; I have never come here other then when I am out as Susan so I am pretty sure they all think I am at least living full time as Susan. They have never asked or said anything and I have never brought it up; after all it is kind of hard to work into a conversation. They accept me as Susan and treat me accordingly and so I am happy. For me I don’t have to be passable and fool people to be happy, if I can go out and have people treat me with respect and as I am presenting myself then I have won and I am passing.

I really think that being happy with your life and having things to look forward to is the key. Growing up I had so much guilt about my crossdressing, this is not what a boy did. I did get rid of my things once or twice growing up and many times promised myself I would never crossdress or put on makeup again but in the end I always went back to it. As time went by and I learned to accept this side of me things became clearer. After all why is it that society can say pink is a girls color and suddenly that is a rule. Pink is just a color like any other color. Society tries to fit everyone into neat little groups and what I have found is not everyone can or should fit into those groups. If a man wants to look pretty is that any different than a woman who doesn’t like to wear dresses or makeup. I have a female friend and no she does not know about Susan, but she almost never wears makeup, maybe a little mascara if she is going out someplace special and she does not own one dress, she has two skirts and the only heels she has in on pair of black heel with about a 1 inch heel which I have only seen her wear once. Now that being said she really is a very pretty woman and no one would every say anything to her about not being feminine. Why is it not the same for a man who maybe wants to wear a little eye shadow or lipstick or maybe a skirt. By the way skirts are actually very comfortable to wear as are dresses.

We as a society need to get past how we look or dress and just accept each other for the person they are. If we were to talk on the phone and you could not see me you would never know I am a crossdresser. You would find I have the same interest as any other man plus a few more as I could also carry on a conversation about fashion and makeup. I really am just your average guy next door with one extra interest in my life. Now think about all the people you know as odds are at least one or a few are crossdresser, transgender or transsexual. Most crossdressers hide this part of their lives very well some even from their wives and girlfriends. Now if you suddenly found out one of your friends were a crossdresser what would you do? Would you end the friendship or could you accept the fact you had a friend who is a crossdresser.

Now here is the fun part as I had someone e-mail me and tell me that if they found out a friend crossdressed that nothing would change and as much as that sounds wonderful the fact is things will change. Even if you are totally okay with it you will treat them a little different as you will have to, when they are dressed you will treat them differently then when they are not and that is good. When I am out as Susan I want to be treated as female and not the same way as I would in my male role and yes this does cause issues. For you who have not thought about it being out as a girl does on occasion attract attention from males. This is probably the hardest thing I had to learn to deal with. As a straight crossdresser I am not the least bit interested in men but I will admit it does make one feel good to get the compliment of being attractive enough for a man to notice but at the same time it is unsettling as even though I am Susan I do not have any attraction for men. I look at it as just part of presenting as female. After all women get compliments all the time from men and that doesn’t mean they are attracted to them, plus women also get compliments from other woman and that is okay so why shouldn’t a man be able to pay a compliment without it being strange or weird. I usually just thank them and I will even talk with them. After all it is the polite thing to do and that is the key to being a lady.

Well I kind of got off track here but if you take nothing else away from this blog other than the fact that as a crossdresser I am just as normal as anyone else I just have this one extra thing I enjoy. I am not asking anyone to run out and try crossdressing or that they suddenly have to be my friend, but just respect my right to live how I want and do the things I enjoy just the same way I respect all of you and the way you live your life.

Thanks for reading.

November 29, 2012 Posted by | Advice and tips, Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Question I have gotten a lot about telling people about my crossdressing.

Well I seem to get asked this question a lot so I figured why not do a blog on it. The question is have you told anyone about your crossdressing? Well first people who know my male self I have never told about this part of my life however there are some people I have met as Susan that I feel comfortable enough and trust enough to let them meet my male self.

There is a lot to consider when thinking about telling people, first remember once you tell just one person you no longer have control of who finds out. Now these are just my thoughts. I think if it does not affect someone then there is no reason to tell them unless you want to. This is just part of my life and therefore I don’t feel the need to tell people. Now I have dated woman before and never told them as I always believed I could or would stop my crossdressing and when I was with them I did but at this point in my life I have learned that Susan is just as much a part of my life and who I am that I would not stop. That being said when I meet that special lady, yes still hopeful I will find an accepting GG. I would feel I would have to tell her of course it would not be when we first started dating but once I felt that we had something long term. This is what is right for me and may not be right for everyone. Some crossdresser are very private and some are very public and open to everyone which just goes to show we are all different in some ways.

No I have had several conversations with the girls in my group about this and it is interesting to hear the differences and similarities. Now I don’t think I could aver just walk up to one of my neighbors, coworkers or friends and say, gee guess what, I like to crossdress. Sometimes I just like to dress up in a pretty dress, heels and makeup and go out and act like a lady. As you can see this is kind of hard to work into a conversation. Now a few years back I would never leave the house dressed up or leave the house during the day light, actually it was always late at night and dark out. I was so afraid someone, anyone would find out about my little hobby. I am not as worried about this anymore as my crossdressing has become more a part of my life so now I go out during the day. I still check to make sure none of my neighbors are out front as I won’t just drive off right in front of them.

Now I know that at least one of my neighbors has seen me and is probably wondering and it is probably just a matter of time before she gets a close enough look especially now as it is summer and stays light and they are outside more but still just can’t walk up to her and say guess what. It is funny as a couple other girls in the group feel the same way. We have talked about it and we all in a way wish our neighbors would just come up and ask us or tell us they saw us and ask us what’s up, but I guess it is just as hard for them to bring it up in a conversation too. It would really make life easier if they knew as I wouldn’t have to hide it anymore. Now people finding out still scares me but not nearly as much as it did just a couple years ago as I know it is just a matter of time.

The one thing we all have to remember is we all have our own paths to follow and what is right for me may not be what is right for you. We all have to live our lives the way we want. Now I have some friends that have awesome wives and girlfriends so I know there are woman out there that are okay with crossdressers.

So one last thought, if you know me, are a neighbor, friend or co-worker of mine and you have seen me out as Susan or have found my blog, facebook page please come and talk to me about it. I would be happy to answer question I am just not going to bring it up unless I know that you already know.

July 18, 2012 Posted by | Advice and tips | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Made it to Starbucks again finally

Well it has been another busy week for my male self. I was planning on coming to Starbuck’s tomorrow night but I have a meeting so at the last minute I decided tonight was my chance. I got all dressed up and was out the door earlier than normal when I come here so actually made it before 7. They are all done with their remodel and it really looks nice inside. They are also pretty busy as there was only one table open and I had to stand in line. The cool thing is it is almost all women here tonight only 3 men and about 15 women so I guess Starbuck’s tonight is a ladies night out.

It is strange as it has been awhile since I have been here. Looking back through my blog, one of the cool things about having a blog I can see the last time I was here was 5 weeks ago. For some reason I was thinking it had only been 3 weeks, my how time flies. It is relaxing to sit here and play on my computer, surf the internet, catch up on e-mails while enjoying a nice warm drink. It really is amazing how relaxing and comfortable I feel here.

I have been reading some of my friend’s blogs and posts on their facebook page about Diva Las Vegas. It sounds like they all had such a fun time and so many great pictures. I can’t wait for the Diva Las Vegas web page to post all the pictures. They usually give as month or two for people who attended to submit their pictures and then the same for those who attended to check them out and request to remove any of the ones with them in it as some girls want or need privacy and I know we have all been there at one time or another. I hope they will have them on their page by the fall. You can always check out the past years as they really have a lot of picture. It is a really fun week if you ever want to take a vacation as a girl.

Now I have gotten a few e-mails from other t-girls who I assume are just starting out wondering why I like to dress and I guess why they like to dress. I have done a lot of thinking on this over the years and all I can say is there is no one answers for everyone. We are all individuals and as such the reasons I dress may or may not be the same for others. There are some common areas that talking with other crossdressers I have found. Mostly it just feels right, I find it very relaxing. I can dress up as Susan and for a few hours I really am a different person, not a duel or split personality as I choose when and am always in control kind of like an actor or actress would play a part. But it is a great way to get away from any problems or issues in my life, what I call my mini vacations. As Susan I have a group of friends that are separate from my male side and his friends. It really is a great hobby and that is just how I view it. I have friends who play sports, camp, hike, fish, cook or any number of things to relax and for me it is being Susan. There really is no difference other than I think my hobby is way more fun. By the way I also like to camp, hike, fish and play some sports just my Susan time is the most fun for me.

Now as I said there are differences, one of the biggest for me is pictures. My male side hates his picture being taken but Susan loves the camera. It really is funny as I was going through all my pictures on my computer and it really shows. I found two pictures of my male self, both with an ex-girlfriend from 7 years ago, that is it. Now on the other hand Susan has over 2,000 pictures dating back to when I first started dressing which by the way is pre digital camera. Back when I would take pictures and have to have the film developed and then I would scan them into my computer before destroying the picture. I so love digital cameras so much easier and way cheaper. I was talking with some of my friends last week at the P-Club about this and it is funny as most of them are the same. Very few picture of their male self but hundreds if not thousands of their female side. I think girls are just more photogenic.

Now even with the differences between how I act and dress deep down I am the same person. I think the same, now I will admit that I probably lean more to the female gender (feelings) but I think that is just normal for me, I tend to have a softer side and outlook on life. I like pretty things and I like all kinds of movies from the action adventure to what most people would call a chick flick. I really think it makes me a more rounded person as I can see both sides and enjoy it all. Sharing both male and female sides gives one a unique perspective on life in general.

It is funny as today at work there was a couple arguing and the woman told the guy with her, “you just don’t understand what woman deal with” and I was thinking to myself maybe he does. I know I don’t understand everything about being a woman but I do know a lot. It is hard work to always look good, makeup, hair, clothes. My male side can get up in the morning, eat a bowl of cereal. Shower and dress and be out the door in less than thirty minutes. Susan on the other hand needs a lot more time. Just my makeup can take 30 minutes or more.

Well must get back to my e-mails now. This Friday I will of course be out with my friends at the P-Club. We go there every week but for me it is not about where we go but spending time with my friends as that is so important. I really think having good friends to spend time with and it does not matter if you are male, female or transgender is what makes life awesome and fun and keeps you healthy and happy. So that is my tip for a healthy happy life, make some good friends and remember a friendship is just like a relationship, there will be good and bad times and it takes work but the work is well worth the effort because a true friend is always there for you.

Have a great rest of the week.

May 23, 2012 Posted by | Starbucks, why men crossdress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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