Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.


HI all, my name is Susan Miller and I am a crossdresser in my mid 50’s. I live in the Portland metro area of Oregon in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. I like to dress up as a woman and go out with friends. This does not mean I am gay, far from it. I am only attracted to genetic woman sorry guys. I just have a love of all things female, makeup, dresses, high heels and long nails, acrylic nails. There is nothing like going to the nail salon and having your nails done.

Some people may not understand my way of life so I thought I would create a blog to write about it to try to help explain why and how I feel when I am Susan. This will also serve as a record for myself of my life as Susan Miller.

I am not a woman trapped in a man’s body and I have no desire Physically change my body but my outlook on life is more female than male. I do have a woman inside that needs to be able to express herself. I guess the best way to explain is that I have both a feminine and masculine side to me and both feel right and comfortable to me although I will admit that I probably lean more to the feminine side. This means I am gentler and more caring and softer spoken and I enjoy a lot of what society would call feminine activities. I just really like being Susan sometimes and I love dressing up and wearing pretty clothes and makeup. Women are so lucky. They have all the cute clothes and shoes while men get plain boring stuff to wear.

Please feel free to read my blogs and leave comments, but please be respectful. I do not judge others and respect your right to agree or disagree with the way I chose to live. I would love to have you post a comment and you may agree or disagree with me and my life and I will not delete it as I think it is important to have all views but if you leave a disrespectful comment, I will delete that. Also, any crossdressers or genetic girls that are okay with this please feel free to contact me. Also, if you have any questions please feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer them but remember any statements made here are the sole opinion of Susan Miller and no one else.



Other information on Susan Miller 🙂


Susan Millers Flickr (pictures)

Susan Miller profile (Facebook)

Rose_City_T-Girls (the group I belong to in Portland Oregon)

Diva Las Vegas A Vacation, not a Convention

Over The Rainbow Transfermations Portland, Oregon’s Full Service Crossdressing and Transgender Salon


  1. Hi, Susan:

    Love your blog and find a lot of similarities with you. Honestly wish could have chance to join you and your friends in Portland.

    Best wishes,


    Comment by Rita Liu | July 5, 2009 | Reply

  2. Hi Susan,

    Lovely journal you have here! It’s wonderful to have all these adventures recorded. You must love re-reading them as much as anyone. Take care, and keep having fun!


    Comment by Sonia | July 27, 2009 | Reply

  3. Hi Susan,
    There’s a lot to read here. Thank you for putting this out there. I’m finding I like to dress in women’s lingerie. It has taken some time to accept this and to understand why. All I keep coming back to is that it is enjoyable and relaxing. I don’t think I could have called it relaxing until reading through a few of your pages. One small difference with me though is that I do enjoy it sexually. I like to be dressed in lingerie when I make love to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she’s not that accepting of it. She puts up with it to a small degree but generally doesn’t understand it.

    Thanks for putting your adventures out here for others to read!

    Comment by Lucee | May 21, 2010 | Reply

  4. Hi, nice to meet you !

    Comment by ReadersHeaven | September 23, 2010 | Reply

  5. Hi Susan,
    you answered my question on yahoo and i followed the link you left to here. I’ve read some of your blog and about page. I’m glad you’re happy 🙂 I still have a problem with the girly aspect of it when it comes to my parnter and i can see you’re quite similar to him. It possibly as a country girl I’m far to practical for girl talk, i don’t really feel like it exists! just seems like superficial small talk… Also, it may be an age thing for me. At 21 i don’t think i know enough to feel comfortable with him exploring this. it rattles me. i hope you dont mind me asking, but have you/are you in a long term, successful relationship with a woman?
    thankyou for your help,

    Comment by Felicity | January 24, 2011 | Reply

    • Thanks for the post and glad you stopped by. I am happy to answer any questions I can. It really is a hard thing to understand even for those of us who do it. As for the girl talk for me it can be anything we are talking about. As a guy I generally don’t sit around and talk. Guy’s tend to always want to be doing things. Some of my Girl talk as I put it was on politics and current events as well as clothes and makeup. Can I ask if you and your boyfriend ever sit and have long talks? For me it is so much easier to do that as Susan.
      As for my relationships, I have never told anyone about this side of myself. I have had several relationships; when I was in them I would always stop dressing as I always thought it would be hard for them to accept this part of me. I came close to getting married once and was going to tell her but there were some other issues that came up and well we broke up before I got the chance. The one thing I do know is it is part of who I am and without it I would not be the same person. I hope that I will find a woman that can accept this part of me. Now I do have some friends that are married and some of them are really happy. Their wives actually come out with them and seem to have fun with it. So yes it can be successful, the key is to have good communication.
      One last note, remember everyone has things in their lives, past or present that we may not like, no one is perfect. The key is to learn how to accept them for who they are and be honest. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | January 24, 2011 | Reply

      • Thankyou for your speedy reply! When he’s home from uni we do tend to sit and talk for hours, usually before falling asleep. When he’s away we can spend hours at a time on the phone (thank god for unlimited minutes!). As for telling me, he told me about all this after he asked me to marry him so I guess I feel a bit conned… I don’t think it would have made much of a difference to my answer cos I love him so much. But, having said that, it is beginning to wear a bit… Its definitely worse when he’s away at uni. He talks to other girls (my friends!) about it and then they treat me differently (I guess on some level i do find it a little embarrassing, which i wrong i know, but i just dont want to have to choose between my boyfriend and my friends). Also, he’s very stupid about it. He doesn’t think what effect its going to have on people. some of the people he’s told are highly religious and find it offensive but wont tell him cos they’re too nice. Others feel like they’ve been lumbered with all this info and didn’t really want to know! He just doesn’t realise!! Also, he does silly things, like refunding his driving test cos he’d run low on money. rather than spending it on food or rent, he bought a new top… and he still owes me £1500 after spending his student loan last year on this kind of stuff… I feel a bit used, a bit like the wife in a marriage where the husband is seeing another woman. Except the other woman is him.

        Comment by Felicity | January 26, 2011

      • At least he did tell you as I have some friends that have never told their wives. One has been married for 15 years and only dresses when she is away so please give him credit for telling you before you get married even if it was later then you would have liked.
        I can totally relate to your being a little embarrassed about this. This really does affect both of you. I have never told anyone about my dressing and as such I do not go out with my friends when I am not dressed for fear someone will see me and then I would have to explain and several of my friends in the group are the same.
        I also know that it is easy to get caught up in this and get carried away. I have seen crossdressers get so caught up in their dressing. It does not happen that often but I know a couple crossdressers who lost jobs because their dressing became more important. They would go out and then call in sick the next day. They also went way in debt buying makeup, shoes, wigs and clothes. The one thing people and this includes everyone is that a crossdresser is really two people in one. A crossdresser has to have two wardrobes, one for their male said and life and one for their female side and life. It can get expensive and easy to get carried away.
        As I said before this is part of who he is and if you love him you need to accept this part of him but also he needs to also accept you and your concerns. Communication is the key and you both need to set binderies that work for both of you. As I said I am single and live by myself so I can do pretty much what I want but even I have set binderies. I plan on being Susan 2 nights a week, once with friends and once at Starbucks. If something special comes up I will go out a third night. I also set a budget as to what I allow myself to spend on Susan. There needs to be a balance between both sides and if this can happen then everything is good.

        Comment by susanmiller64 | January 26, 2011

  6. I remember reading a story called “My First Bikini” I really liked it but it was taken down. If at all possible could still you reupload it somewhere?

    Thanks (even if you can’t)

    Comment by Jaden | January 28, 2011 | Reply

    • The web page that has that story is having some problems. Seems they tried to do an update on their search programming and crashed most of the web page. They say they are working on it but it has been several months so I think they may be down for good.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | January 29, 2011 | Reply

    • might check this link

      Comment by susanmiller64 | January 29, 2011 | Reply

      • Thanks a lot!

        Comment by Jaden | January 30, 2011

  7. Hi Susan!

    Thank you for making me feel welcome at P Club last night!

    What a great group, each and everyone nice, and nicely treated!

    Wow, what a looker you are!

    I hope I was not inappropriate in any way, but Hey Seuss!, I gots’ red blood…

    If you send me your email address, I’d be happy to send you some pics of me dressed…

    Again, thank you!


    Comment by Bob O'Neal | October 1, 2011 | Reply

    • Hi Belinda,
      It was nice to meet you also last night. We have a great group and always have fun. No you were not out of line last night as what lady does not like hearing she is pretty. I must tell you though I am straight and not at all attracted to men. Look forward to seeing you out as Belinda.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | October 1, 2011 | Reply

  8. .Hello Susan,

    I am a student at an University in North Carolina, I am writing a research paper for my English class about a group that I myself do not identify with and learn about that group and essentley become an advocate for the group chosen. The group of people that I have chosen is heterosexual crossdressers. I would like to ask you a few questions to better understand heterosexual crossdressers if you would not mind.

    How long have you been a crossdresser?

    How long have you been public with your crossdressing?

    Why do you crossdress?

    Do you get any sort of arousal from cross dressing?

    Does your family/friends know that you crossdress?

    How do you keep the male side and the female side different from one another?

    What stereotypes do you face?

    How do you handle those stereotypes?

    If you have anything else that you can add to help me better understand crossdressers that would be absolutely wonderful!
    Thank you so much for your time, It means more that you can imagine!

    Comment by tshrocksmysocks | November 19, 2011 | Reply

    • Hi Tshrocksmysocks

      Well first of all let me start with all crossdressers are different and have different reasons for why they crossdress so these answers are only for me. It would be the same as asking someone why they like a certain food, hobby or sports team.

      How long have you been a crossdresser?
      I would say I have always been a crossdresser, that being said it really started when I was about 8 and would sneak into my mom’s room and play with her makeup. That was pretty much it and never thought about dressing till I was maybe 14 and could fit into some of her clothes.

      How long have you been public with your crossdressing?
      Depends on what you call going out in public? It was probably 20 years ago (Age 27) that I left my house for the first time. It started as late night drives and if I could work up the courage maybe go through the drive through at Burger King. It was about 15 years ago (age 32) that I went out to a club for the first time, there were a couple Gay clubs that I had heard were transgender friendly and even with that it took me 4 try’s before I could get up the courage to leave my car and walk in even with this it was still maybe twice a year I would go out. About 8 years ago (age 39) I met a couple crossdressers online and we would e-mail each other for support and to talk. We would also meet every 3 to 4 months at one of the clubs for a night out. 4 years ago (age 43) I met Cassandra a local crossdresser and she like all of us had the same issue of not wanting to go out alone so she started a yahoo group. Anyway I joined the group and now we knew when and where some of us would be out and with that I started going out every Friday as I really made some good friends. This was probably the turning point as it really showed me I was not alone and the only one who liked to crossdress. 2 years ago I wanted more than just going to gay clubs so I started going to Starbucks once a week for a couple hours. Today I try to get out twice a week sometimes more if something is going on.

      Why do you crossdress?
      For me it is just something I enjoy, it relaxes me. I view it as a hobby the same way you might play golf, go fishing, collecting stamps or anything else someone might do for fun and relaxation. I find it a great way to relieve stress. Most of my friends take vacations to relax and get rid of stress. I become Susan and basically become someone else for a few hours a couple times a week. Any problems I face in my male life goes away for those hours. Think what your life would be like if you could just step out of it for a few hours every week.

      Do you get any sort of arousal from cross dressing?
      For me it has never been about sex. I can’t remember ever being aroused by my crossdressing. It really is for relaxation.

      Does your family/friends know that you crossdress?
      No my family does not know of my dressing as for friends I am going to say no as I think you are asking do any of my friends who know me as a male know. There are 4 people I have met as Susan and we became friends that have seen me as a male. For me it is something I do for me and I have no intention of transitioning so it is just part of my life so it really does not affect them and they really have no need to know. Now that being said I have come to learn Susan is still a big part of my life and always will be so now if I do meet a woman that I think we could have a future with I would feel I had to tell her as it would affect her life. This is a scary thought though.

      How do you keep the male side and the female side different from one another? Living by myself helps but I can see it getting harder as the more I go out the more stuff I have. When it was just a couple times a year it was easy, few dresses and shoes, a wig and make up. No I have about 20 pairs of shoes, 15 dresses, 10 skirts bunch of tops and pants, 9 wigs and a bunch of makeup. The biggest thing is I have 2 user profiles on my computer one male and the other Susan. This way I do not run the risk of mixing up user profiles, e-mails and pictures. It really can be hard because I really am living two separate lives.

      What stereotypes do you face?
      The biggest is that most people assume that if you are a crossdresser you are Gay. Even though most crossdressers (studies say 70% to 80%) are straight heterosexual males. Also I have notice most people generally accept you based on what they know, meaning if they have only seen drag queens then men dressed as woman are drag queens, if they have only met transsexuals than that is how they see you. Everyone trys to fit what they see into what they know

      How do you handle those stereotypes?
      The easiest way is just talking with them. If people ask me why I dress either in person or on line I will answer them as honestly as I can and always encourage people to ask me anything. I will answer any questions about Susan, my male side I am more selective on what I will answer.

      Thanks for your interest,
      If I can answer any other questions please feel free to ask. If you would like to talk by e-mail you can make a comment with your e-mail address, I will not approve that comment so no one else will see it and I will contact you that way.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | November 20, 2011 | Reply

      • Thank you so much for your reply!!

        I have to say that I have learned so much writing this paper… And please correct me if I am wrong but, cross dressing seems to be like you said a hobby to relax such as I view going to dinner and to a movie or a club with friends as relaxing…

        I am so glad that I have gotten the opportunity to ask you some questions and pick your brain… I may come accross a few more questions for you…

        Thank you so much for your time,
        Cheryl 🙂

        Comment by tshrocksmysocks | November 20, 2011

  9. Hiya Susan just came across your blog and love it =P For a long time i tried to deny my fem feelings and my girly side but after meeting my GF i told her straight off and now im happier then i have ever been. I’ve recently started a blog of my own and would love for you to have a look. =]

    Andria x

    Comment by Andria | February 26, 2012 | Reply

  10. Hi Susan –

    I am a crossdresser too. Will be in Portland Friday, June 23. Will your group be meeting at the P-Club that night? If so, when will people probably start to arrive?

    Comment by Jerri Lynn | June 12, 2012 | Reply

    • Hi Jerri Lynn,
      Yes our group should be there. The official start time is 7:30 although most Fridays a few girls show up a little earlier. Most show up between 7:30 and 8 though. Hope you can make it as we always have a fun time.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | June 12, 2012 | Reply

      • Hi again Susan –

        Thanks. If all goes as planned I should see you Friday, June 22. Look for a lass with long legs and a short skirt!


        Jerri Lynn

        Comment by Jerri Lynn | June 13, 2012

      • Hi Jerri Lynn,
        Look forward to meeting you. I should be there by 7:30 the address is 5262 N. Lombard, Portland, OR 97203, 503-289-4644

        Comment by susanmiller64 | June 17, 2012

      • Hi Jerri,
        Just a heads up, the owner of the P-Club where we have been going for two years has asked our group not to come in any more as he claims we are costing him business so don’t go there. I will keep you updated as to where we will be. Post back to let me know you got this.

        Comment by susanmiller64 | June 19, 2012

  11. Hi Susan,

    I found your blog today and have enjoyed reading it. I am impressed with the longevity of your blogging.

    I have added a link to your blog from mine.

    If you would like to see what I have been up to:


    Comment by unordinarystyle | June 18, 2012 | Reply

  12. Hi Susan, my name is Kaitlyn Bolduc, I am a reporter with KPTV in Portland. I was hoping to speak with you about what happened at the P Club for a story I am working on for tonight at 10. Could you please e-mail me at with your contact information if you are interested? Thanks so much, hope to hear from you soon.

    Comment by Kaitlyn Bolduc (@KPTVKaitlyn) | August 8, 2012 | Reply

  13. Hi Susan,
    As I have just come across your site, I see I have some reading to do.
    From your intro, it looks like we have similar thoughts on this hobby of ours. I have just started blogging, but have learned so much from other blog sites. I look forward to reading all your posts.

    Comment by michelledeere140 | August 21, 2012 | Reply

  14. Hi Susan:

    I am soo jealous. I would love the have my “Susan” be able to express itself. I love wearing clothes every chance I get but seldom so completely. I have been looking for someone I could follow for some time and look forward to reading your posts. I am going to need to look further at the site to see if there is a chance for questions. I have been thinking the next time I go to Las Vegas I might try the place that does a makeover and will even go out with you. It would be the dream of a lifetime and would be curious if others have resorted to this and what was their experience.

    Comment by J | December 17, 2012 | Reply

  15. Hi
    If you are interested in Las Vegas you should think about going to Diva Las Vegas (here is their web page It is in April this year and so much fun. I plan on going again this year.
    Thanks for reading my blog.

    Comment by susanmiller64 | December 17, 2012 | Reply

  16. Oh ya just got another follower girlfriend! From the Chicagoland area! All the best, Hugs, Candy

    Comment by Candy Kowal | March 23, 2013 | Reply

  17. Hi Susan – didn’t see a contact me link. Just wondering if you would like to exchange links with me. I’m at Sister House . Hugs….Tasi

    Comment by Tasi | April 6, 2015 | Reply

    • Sure would love to, Thanks for stopping by my blog.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | April 10, 2015 | Reply

  18. Hi Susan,
    I’m enjoying the insights you share on your website.
    I’m the author of Crossdresser Heaven, and was wondering whether you would like to exchange links?


    Comment by Vanessa Law | May 25, 2015 | Reply

  19. I am a older crossdresser. Just moved here one month ago and looking for girls like my self to go out with.would you all like one more in the grup

    Comment by Seraphina | June 20, 2015 | Reply

    • Hi Seraphina,
      Here is a link to the group I belong to we are really active with 2 to 3 outings each week. Please check it out and you can ask to join from there and someone will contact you. You must be willing to submit 3 pictures to be posted in the group (only members can see).

      Comment by susanmiller64 | June 21, 2015 | Reply

  20. Hello, I see your blog has been silent. Hope all is good. I am a heterosexual closet cross dresser living in Salem.

    Comment by Sheer Made | September 20, 2015 | Reply

    • Just had a lot going on in my life and have had to cut back on my Susan time but hope to be getting out more now.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | September 20, 2015 | Reply

  21. Hey there.

    I JUST heard about this whole situation with the P-Club. Not good, on their part. I work at a bar in downtown Portland that is nothing spectacular, but is open to EVERYONE, and we would LOVE your business. It looks as if you make the trek around town, so please feel free to stop in whenever you would like. We are not, as the P-Club owner seems to be, concerned with whether or not people ‘mistake’ us for something other than a straight bar and we treat everyone with respect (well, unless they are a total jackass).
    If you would like info about who and where we are, please feel free to email me.
    Bravo to you and the girls!


    Comment by Just Some Random Guy | September 23, 2015 | Reply

  22. Hey, I just FB messaged you. I would love to hear from you. Thanks. You are an inspirations.

    Comment by Trixie kennedy | January 12, 2017 | Reply

  23. Hi Susan. I’m Cynthia.

    I’m thinking about going to Diva Las Vegas in 2018. I’ve heard it’s a “vacation, not a convention.” I noticed that you’ve been there several times. What are some of the events that go on at DLV?

    I’ve been trying to find an event schedule for a previous DLV (there isn’t one on the DLV site) to get a sense of that DLV is like. Any info you can provide would be a big help.


    Comment by Cynthia Snow | November 26, 2017 | Reply

    • Hi Cynthia,
      Yes, I have gone several times and it is a vacation not a convention, that also means the events are set up by volunteers and that is why there is not a list yet. Now some things will happen for sure. The golf tournament (4-person scramble)
      Usually there is a farewell dinner and a welcome dinner (Bahama Breeze one of the most fun), these are where you will see the biggest groups as most people go to these. Usually each night there are 4 dinner options that you can choose from, some on the more affordable ends and some higher end (Ruth Crisp), usually a couple clubs later at night for dancing and even Karaoke. Some lunch events if that lady shows up and even some morning coffee events also.
      Usually a couple days they have times for going to the MAC counter at Nordstrom’s of Macy’s. Usually a Limo tour, last year they also did a Top Golf event. Sometimes they get together for a show or two. All of these you sign up for and just pay your way, a few you must pay in advance (golf and I think the Limo Tour) as the person setting this up must pay in advance.
      The best thing is look at previous years photos as they have them in files for some of the events. It really is a fun event and because of the way it is set up you can spend less or more. One word of advice is watch prices for hotels especially on the strip as they all charge resort fees range anywhere from $30 to $50 per night (in fine print).
      Hope you can make it and if you are thinking of going be sure and sign up for the Diva Las Vegas mailing list.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | November 26, 2017 | Reply

      • Thank you!

        Comment by Cynthia Snow | November 29, 2017

  24. Hi Susan darling, Can we see ANOTHER selfie?

    Comment by Elie Frye | August 27, 2019 | Reply

  25. Hi Susan,
    Jennifer just gave me the link to your blog.

    Comment by Danika Pidge | February 15, 2020 | Reply

  26. Great blog

    Comment by leslietoni | April 30, 2020 | Reply

  27. I can’t begin to tell you how happy I was to find your blog. I’ve always been so envious of women for their clothes. Make up, nail polish, oh and don’t get me started on all the wonderful shoes. As much as I enjoy being a heterosexual male, I equally love dressing and embracing my feminine side. I’ve only recently started dressing just in time for “Cindi” to be locked out of all the fun places due to this virus. I read where you first went to LBGT bars, I also have a trip planned that has drag shows.
    Thanks for helping me feel sane,

    Comment by GLENN E SCHMIEDER | May 26, 2020 | Reply

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