Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Friday and the end of a long week.

Well Friday finally got here and the end to a long and exciting week for Susan. It has been a busy week not only for my male side but also for Susan as Susan will be out 4 nights in a row this week which really is a lot. I usually try to go out as Susan twice a week as I find this is good for me but things came up this week and Susan got more time just as there are weeks when Susan can’t get time to go out. Now I am not saying that one hast to limit their time when they are a crossdresser but this is what works for me. It is true Susan is a big part of whom I am but so is my male side and for me I think having a healthy mix of the two is very important.

Well I got home from work later than normal and my two neighbor families were out talking as my next door neighbors had just bought a new vehicle and they were looking at it so I went over and talked with them for a bit. After a bit the husband and kids went off and it was just me and the two neighbor ladies still talking when the one looked at me and said, we saw you on TV yesterday. I knew immediately what she was talking about and I am sure I looked like a deer caught in headlights and of course my first words were what. Now I knew what she said but needed that little pause to think what to say and the funny thing is I wasn’t trying to think of a way out or to convince them it wasn’t me but rather how to word it for them. She repeated the statement and I said yes that was me and that I was a crossdresser and liked to dress up. I also felt the need to explain that I wasn’t transitioning to female or planning surgeries and I was not gay even without them asking those questions. Not that being a transsexual or gay is wrong or I am somehow better it is just that, that is not who I am and not what is right for me, just like for me dressing a couple times a week is right and others may dress everyday or once or twice a year. We are all different in our own way.

There are good things about this and also bad but as I have said in previous blogs I knew it would happen at some point and all I can do is deal with it and move on. And really there are more benefits to this then not. The really only big issue is the fact once someone else knows your secret it is never truly a secret again as you never know if they have told others, you lose that control over it. On the plus side it gave me a chance to talk with them briefly at least about it and it will make it a lot easier for me to get out as Susan. Now I am not planning on just walking out my door to get the mail as Susan or work in my yard as this is still something I do for me plus I also don’t want everyone to know and would like to keep it as quiet as possible so I am hoping they will keep it to themselves. I also found out their husbands know so really 4 people have found out. Actually they are the first and only ones I know that met me first as my male self and now know about Susan. We talked a bit and they seemed supportive of me and the actions we took against the P-Club which was nice. Who knows we may even become closer neighbors because of they as they really are good neighbors but I always kept a distance because of this side of me. It will be interesting going forward now. Oh the other thing is they found my blog so have read a lot about me as Susan and of course have seen my many, many pictures. This probably explains why I had my biggest day for views on my blog.

This also has me concern that they recognized me from the TV and now am wondering who else saw me and knows. Now on the plus side the one neighbor had seen me drive away once for sure and I know they have seen a woman driving my car so I am hoping they were already wondering and maybe seeing me on TV put it together. No one at work has said anything yet and I am keeping my fingers crossed on that but then you never know as they may not say anything even if they do know but I hope they would just like my neighbors did that was we could talk about it.

Well it was getting late now and time for me to get ready to go out with my friends which is the other thing, even with the revelation to my neighbors and the fact they knew I still wanted to go out and never really thought any other way. Thinking back just a couple years I would have denied everything and probably swore off dressing. Well I got all ready and I must be getting good at becoming Susan as my mind was still going over the fact my neighbors new and not concentrating on getting ready and still did a good job and was out the door in a little over an hour. I got to sweethome a little after 7 and Chris was the only one from our group there so far but that was no surprise as today was the first real rain we have had in 3 months so traffic was horrible but luckily for me I go the opposite way the rush hour traffic goes to get here. About 7:30 Cassandra showed up and then others came. I told Cassandra and Chris about my neighbors and Cassandra was shocked, her words were with all the times she had been on TV over this and no one has said a thing to her and I am on for 10 seconds and my neighbors figured it out, wow. She actually is like me and wishes her neighbors would just come up and say we know about you so she could talk with them about it and not feel she has to hide. It is that funny feeling you want to tell others but you don’t.

Anyway we had an average turnout for our group about 12 including Bob and his girlfriend Tanya who I found out later is not his girlfriend but just friends. She is a GG that just likes hanging out with our group as we are so much fun. The Karaoke group as they are known started to show up. They come here every Friday night for Karaoke and tonight was there monthly theme night so they were all in costume, how fun is that. Being there theme night they had a really good turnout. They probably had 30 in there group so the place was packed and they had some really good costumes. Cassandra invited them to her Halloween party on the 27 which I already have my costume for but one of their group is already having a party that night which is too bad as they really are a fun group and have no problem with our group being there.

I did play pool and my first game was against Cassandra who is the best player in our group so if you can win against her it is a good night and that is what I did. It was a good close game but I made a couple really good shots at the end to win so my night was good. My next game was against Bobbie and this was my best game ever as I did something I have never done before, I sunk the 8 ball on the break winning the game in one shot. I actually won 5 games before losing on the 6 to Lorraine. She was on fire and I suddenly could sink a ball. Lorraine is a GG we met at P-club and liked hanging out with us so when we got asked to leave the P-club she quit going there and comes to Sweethome every once in a while.

It was a really fun night and several of our group sand Karaoke including Cassandra this week. It was a blast and our group mingled with the Karaoke group and we all had a blast. Actually we stayed there till 2 am and the funny thing is they were still busy at this time so looks like our group is not driving away business. It was a really fun night and a good way to end a long week.

Thanks for reading and I will keep you up to date on what happens with my neighbors.

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October 13, 2012 - Posted by | Almost Caught, Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

7 Comments »

  1. You are an amazing person, Susan! I would have passed out right there! I wish you the best on this new adventure in your life,girl.
    Hugs
    Karen

    Comment by akkaren57 | October 13, 2012 | Reply

  2. interesting neighbors saw you for 10 seconds-my guess they have seen that woman driving your car and looked to see someone looked like you on tv. hugs allice

    Comment by alice green | October 13, 2012 | Reply

  3. Susan, that is fantastic about your neighbors I think! You shouldn’t have to hide ANY part of who you are.

    Comment by Penelope | October 13, 2012 | Reply

  4. Hi Susan

    So Ok, you knew that they would find out at some point and they have probably known or suspected for a long time. I doubt they recognised the male you on TV, they recognised Susan who has crossed their path many times. From there it is probably too easy to find your blog. Google Susan Miller: well easy. Google the P-club: well you have 50 posts about it. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Your blog is a good read and you have only nice things to say about everybody, except perhaps the owner of the P-club.

    So if your neighbours take the trouble to read a lot of them then they will understand you that much better and the aspect of t-girls that is close to both of our hearts, that of being accepted, just for who we are. You are a warm hearted girl, (just as I expect you to be a warm- hearted guy, I bet you are well liiked at work). You have made a huge number of friends at what is it Rose City T-girls? I hope you go on to make closer friends of your neighbours.

    As you say, you are not going to flaunt it. You are discrete and I am sure you will continue to be so. So that you will not be trying to embarass them or their kids. I think the fact that you have been so open and honest will work in your favour. If they care to, they can go back and read all of your blogs and they will see you often refer to the neighbours, but you have never had a bad word to say about them.

    Well if you speak to them, tell them Tina, a married crossdresser friend from from 4,000 miles away has read all of your blogs and there is not a bad word about anyone in any of them. I hope only good comes of this. You have fought the good fight on behalf of T-girls everywhere, You have explained many times how you feel, which I thank you as it is just as I feel. I am male and proud of it, just as you are. But we have feminine feelings that we express better when dressed in female clothes. We love women and often wish to emulate them. We do not fancy men.

    It’s quite simple but so many think that we are all the stero-type that you see on television or the media. We can only do our bit to change this stereotype. You have done more than your share and I salute you for it.

    Hugs TinaCortina xx
    Tina’s blog

    Comment by TinaCortina | October 13, 2012 | Reply

  5. Just as Karen said, you are an amazing person Susan. Amazingly naive!

    Has it never occurred to you that your neighbors have always known? Men will never, ever say anything on this de-masculizing subject. Women, as you have no clue about because you are not one, are more open and will say something when given the chance. And yet, you are surprised by this because you were more excited about being on tv than you were about the exposure!

    Do you honestly think that “Susan” is that much different than your “male” self? Trust me, we know a man in a dress when we see one. If I was able to find your blog others have as well.

    You crave attention! Admit it! Blog, tv, lawsuit, what’s next?

    Comment by Elaine | October 14, 2012 | Reply

    • Hi Elaine,
      Thanks for your opinion and most of all for keeping it respectful. If you have read my blog I have wondered for a long time and even posted about it if my neighbor knew as I go out so much. I am sure they have seen something’s that have at least made them wonder so I am not that naïve as to think no one knows as you pointed out most people won’t come up to you in person and say something. I think that is why the internet has become so popular as people can say things anonymously. And yes I know enough about woman to know they are more open to talking about almost anything when given an opening. So I really am not that surprised.

      As for a man in a dress yes woman and even men can tell that, I have never said that I pass or can fool anyone but I can assure you there are differences between my male and female sides in how I act and carry myself. And with wig and makeup I do look somewhat different.

      Yes I will admit that yes I do like attention as most people do but again if you have read my blog it was started and the purpose is for me, a kind of dairy of my life as Susan as I did not want it on my computer. I never really thought others would read it but again yes I am happy that others do. so yes I am very happy and proud of my blog.
      As for the Lawsuit this was done because our rights were violated and before I agreed to be involved I gave it a lot of thought because I was and still am worried about people finding out but I felt and still do feel it is worth it and as for going on TV that was doe because the reason for the complaint was to get the word out to businesses that they cannot discriminate based on gender identity. Yes I realize that this does draw attention to me and quit probably will lead to me being outed to neighbors, friends and family but in closing I will leave you my favorite quote from the Princess Diary.

      Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.

      Comment by susanmiller64 | October 14, 2012 | Reply

  6. Hi, I am a 50 yr old Crossdresser of 2 yrs. I dont go out yet but will for a helloween party. I live in Prince George Canada so it is a smaller centre with a small LGBTQ group of about 200. I found Susans Blog a few months back and imediatley found it to be very validating to my own life experiances. I hope Susan keeps blogging. I recently made a new female friend who supports me and is willing to help me with make up etc. I am married and my wife supports me in principal but ……. I find this blog a great support and have shared some articals with my wife.
    – Keep it up
    Briana in Prince George

    Comment by Briana | October 14, 2012 | Reply


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