Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Red Dress Party 2016

Tonight is the Red Dress Party and Julie, Trixie and I are going. I have been looking forward to this as I had a good time last year. I  got home at 4:15 I immediately started getting ready as I wanted to take my time and enjoy it plus I wanted to look really good tonight. It took me 2 hours to get ready and I enjoyed every minutes, kind of I imagine girls feel getting ready for a special event like a prom. Now the Reed Dress started at 8 but I was picking up Julie and Trixie first.

I got to Julie’s a little after 6:30 and Julie and Trixie were Ready, I think we were all looking forward to tonight. we had time as we didn’t have to leave for a while so we sat around and talked, just 3 beautiful woman all dressed in red. The night was off to a wonderful start. It was about 7:20 when we left and were on our way. It was a nice drive and so much more fun having Julie and Trixie with me. We got downtown Portland and I found a parking spot about 2 blocks away and we were on our way. There were some other girls we walked with.

Now it was at the same place as last year so we walked to where the entrance was last year and walked in, there was no one there so we finally found someone only to find out the entrance was at the other end and someone had left the fence open by mistake. They were nice enough to let us walk through to the entrance instead of going back out and having go to walk all the way around. On our way I ran into one of the girls working here who knew me as Susan of course, she is the daughter of one of our members. it was good to see her again.

when we got to the entrance I ran into Jennifer. I met her a couple years ago and we are friends on Facebook. She recognized me and it took me a while as she has changes a lot. she is full time now and has long beautiful hair. Well we gave them our tickets and we were back inside. we walked in and got a drink and walked around for a while as it was still before 8, I think they let people in early because of the weather. We also got some food and went and sat down and ate. The food was all really good.

Now we had VIP tickets so we were able to go into the VIP area which wasn’t as crowded. Now after we ate Julie and I decided we needed to get some pictures. Now I had watched several girls taking pictures at a pole lie they were pole dancing so Julie and I decided the Red dress 2016 (1)pole was the place for pictures. now I had watched one girl posing byRed dress 2016 (4) the pole and she looked so good I decided to try the same pose. Didn’t look the same but I was having fun.

Now there were a lot of really cute girls here and so many pretty dresses. It is amazing all the different styles of dresses, I don’t think I saw the same dress twice. Now if you have never been here before it is the best place to people watch and everyone is so friendly.

We walked around some more and walked to the other end and danced for a while, yes I did dance again but then there were so many people on the dance floor that you really could not move much so I was able to pull it off.

Red dress 2016 1 (1)We walked back to the other end to the VIP area and we saw this girl in a really sexy dress so we had to talk with her and yes Julie got a picture of us together. It was an awesome dress but wouldn’t look the same on me plus I am sure she must have been a little cold.

We sat for a while and Laura H. and Lisa also showed up. It was good they could make it. We were all talking and I saw a couple girls we met last year and they remembered us also. They came back to Portland this year for the Red Dress Party from the Bay area of California as they had such a fun time, Their names are Amy and Dion, This is a picture from last year. Amy and Dion are the ones I have my arms around.  We talked for a while.

Later we walked back to the other end and danced some more. still just as crowded but still fun. Julie was talking to everyone and having a great time. I am still not that out going but I am working on it. We really did have a fun time on the dance floor. WE walked back to the other end and on the way ran into Amy and Dion again and talked with them some more. Red dress 2016 (6)They wanted to get pictures with us again so we did another photo op outside. WE didn’t get as many pictures Red dress 2016 1 (2)as I planned but we were having so much fun I think we forgot.

this really was a fun night and before we knew it, it was midnight. Now the party was still going strong but we were getting tired. It was a wonderful evening and I am so glad Julie and Trixie invited me to go.

If you have never been to a Red Dress Party you really should at least once. We walked back to my car and I drove Julie and Trixie home. This will be the last time I see them for a month as they are going on vacation till the end of June. I am so looking forward to see pictures of their trip and hearing all about it. They will have so much fun.

Thanks for reading


May 22, 2016 Posted by | Red Dress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Saturday night out at the Escape.

It is Saturday night and Susan is going out again. I am really looking forward to it as I have another new dress to wear plus I want to recreate the Smokey eye look I did last night as it turned out so well. Here are a couple pictures of it tonight. I started getting ready at 5 as I worked all day cleaning my roof and Smokey eye look tonight (1)gutters. I finished right at 5 and I was cold and wet so a nice warm shower and then transforming into Susan would be so much fun. Now I have to share a funny story.

So much of what we do is routine, we have routines for a lot of the things we do like getting ready. If something interrupts our routine it can mess our whole day up. My routine on Friday nights is the same when I get home. I take off my out fit and get dressed for bed, remove my nails, wipe off my lipstick, brush my teeth and then remove my makeup and then Saturday morning I get up, have breakfast, update my blog and then take a shower to make sure all traces of makeup are gone which they usually are. So Friday night I got home a little earlier thanSmokey eye look tonight (2) normal, got ready for bed, removed my nails, wiped off my lipstick but as I was getting ready to brush my teeth I remembered I needed to take my pill for being sick last week still have a couple to go and I need to eat something with it so I went downstairs and got a glass of water and a snack and took my pill and sat down at my computer. well I fell asleep. Any way I woke up a couple hours later and went up to bed. Saturday morning I got up about 10 and had breakfast and wrote my blog. It was about 11:30 when I finished and as I was going to clean my roof and gutters which would take several hours and I would get dirty so I skipped my shower and climbed out onto my roof and started cleaning. now incase you didn’t catch it other than my lipstick I forgot to take my Susan closeup (1)makeup off so I was on my roof all day with my makeup on and my eyes looking like these pictures. The neighbor man was working in his yard and we did talk a couple times but we were 40 feet apart and I was on my roof so he may not have been able to see the makeup but if he did he didn’t say anything and I am pretty sure he knows about Susan as his wife is one of the 2 neighbors that saw me and know.

Well I got ready and put on my new dress and was out the door by 6:30 and on my way. I got to the Escape right at 7 and the parking lot was full so I parked along the curb, Jan and Lynn had just arrived and were getting out of their car so we all walked in together. Cassandra was there on her computer and Laura H. was at the bar with her friend. I stopped and talked to Laura for a bit as it has been a while since I have seen her out. It was nice to catch up with her.

Susan new dress (1)Cassandra came over and we talked and of course I had her take a couple pictures of me in my new dress. Now it was time to order dinner as I have not eaten since breakfast this morning and I was hungry. There was a new girl here tonight who just happened to come to the Escape on a night we were here so I talked with her briefly, she seems nice. Hopefully we will see her out again.

I got my computer out and checked my e-mails and Facebook andSusan new dress (2) then went into the same chat room Cassandra was in for a while. I am still not real good at keeping up with the chat but it was fun for a while. By the way this is my new dress. I have one more new dress but I am saving that for Harvey’s next Month, it will be hard to wait to wear it but I will find a way.

Cristine showed up as did Laura M. and her girlfriend so we had a good turnout. Jan, Lynn, Laura M. and her girlfriend and I sat at one table and we had a good chance to talk which was nice. Teresa also showed up, it was good to see and talk with her. We sat and watched the Met’s play the Cub’s. The Met’s won and most of the people here wanted the Cub’s to win. I like both teams so I will be happy no matter which team wins. It is funny though to have a bunch of T-girls at a bar watching sports. Jamie also showed up tonight although her wife couldn’t make it.

Karaoke started and the bar got busy as the other group came in. They have some really good singers and of course some of our girls sang to and they were good also. Both Laura’s, Lynn and Jamie sang. Cassandra also talked to the bar Susan new dress (3)about Halloween and what they are doing this year as most of our group are planning on going here Halloween night. The staff is all dressing up as characters from Rocky Horror Picture Show so that will be a lot of fun and they are also having a costume contest, it should be a fun night although I most likely wont be able to make it. If I do it will be early as I wont be able to stay out late.

It was a fun night out.

October 18, 2015 Posted by | Escape Bar & Grill | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friday night and going out for fun.

Well it has been a fun week full of Susan time and I was looking forward to tonight as I am going to wear one of my new dresses I bought this week plus my new heels. I started getting ready about 5 and I was rally excited, still Susan's new dress (2)amazes me how having a new dress to wear can make the whole experience so much more fun and more special. Now of course being a new dress I have to include a picture as it really is a cute dress.

I took a few pictures before I left home just to make sure I wouldn’t forget later and it was a good thing I did as I never thought about getting a picture the rest of the night. another funny thing as just a few years back I would take so many pictures when I went out now I really have to work hard to think about it although it does help when I have a pretty new dress to wear. nowSusan and my new dress I guess I should also include a close up of my makeup as I think it turned out well tonight.

I left home at 6:45 and was at sweethome by 7. now I did have to park about a block away but that was okay. As I got to the door Craig, Shryl and several people from the other group that comes here were just going in and all said hi to me, this really is a great bar kind of like Cheer’s from the TV show where everyone knows your name. I went in and Chris was there on his computer. I got out my computer and caught up on a few things while we talked.

It was good to be out again as Susan. I know it is hard for people who are not transgender to understand, for that matter it can be hard for people in the transgender community to understand. For lack of a better word I am a crossdresser as I like to dress as a female but it is more than that. I have a distinct feminine side and I really think it is stringer and more define then my male side. I am more relaxed, calm happy and comfortable in my feminine side, it just feels completely right. now I know what you are thinking and that I am thinking about transitioning but no that is not the case. I like who I am in my body and don’t want to change it. yes I would like softer skin, a more feminine jaw line and yes there are times I would love to have real breasts but this is only when I step into my feminine roll and become Susan. As I said it is hard to understand, I have several friends who have transitioned and it was right for them. When I have talked to them they have told me they always new they were a girl, that they always new their body was wrong and I can kind of understand this but it s only on the thought level you really can’t understand this without the feelings and emotions that go along with it. For them there is nothing more important the become who they truly believe they are. I can understand the need a little as I have feelings similar, if I go long periods of not being Susan I get stressed out, sad, unhappy. years ago it might be every few months I just had to dress up and be Susan but now she has become such a big part of me that just a week or two and I can feel a deep need for her to come out.

There are things I think about doing all the time like my nails. If I could I would have long pretty nails always even in my male roll. at time I think it would be wonderful to have long beautiful hair all the time but that takes a lot of time and care and there are days I would not want to deal with it. it is a shame that society puts such strict rules on what is male and female as it really does cause people to miss out on things they might really enjoy. so the question is where I go from here and that only time will tell. I do know I will not transition as I do not feel that way about myself and my body. will I spend more time as Susan probably. it use to be every few months, and over the years it is to where I try to get out as Susan at least one or two times a week. I guess the best way to explain it is winning the lottery.

If I won 50 million dollars tonight how would my life change. I wouldn’t have to work and that would mean I wouldn’t have to care what others thought of me. I would have long pretty nails all the time, my ears would be pierced and I would at least grow my hair out once and see how I like it. I would probably spend most of my time living as Susan so I could see it flip flopping where maybe one or two days a week I would be my male self. of course this would mean coming out to everyone, but there would be no surgery. I would just be me as I am now happy with  both sides of my personality.

Okay got off topic again so back to tonight. Roxy also showed up which was nice. She was talking to one of the girls here at the bar names Steph. She does her hair. I got talking with Steph and she is really nice. We probably talked for 20 to 30 minutes. I really do like meeting new people. Dee also showed up as she is back in town for a few months. plus a couple other girls showed up so we had 6 of us here tonight. we ordered dinner and had a nice enjoyable time here.

I talked with some of the other people in the bar which is always nice as this is really an excepting place. Angela came over and said hi to our group and told us how nice we all looked which I never get tired of hearing. she also told me how I had such beautiful cheekbones which I actually do. that is probably the one thing that I would say is feminine about my appearance all the time, I just naturally have high cheekbones. Dawni also came over and said hi and gave me a big hug. I so love the way woman feel totally at easy hugging friends but for men it is so hard to do and uneasy. there really are just more wonderful things about being female than male.

Karaoke started and that is always fun, some of the songs I know and can sing along with and some I have never heard before. Monica and Raven shoed up. Monica had on a new hair piece and it was beautiful, she looked so awesome. now as I said it would be nice to have my own long hair but there is something to be said for wigs as you can change you look so easy with them. Well Chris sand only one song tonight and then he had t go. it wasn’t long and most of the girls left so Susan's new dress (1)I broke out my computer for a little while as I was not ready to leave yet. I played on my computer as I listened to people sing it was a fun night. okay one more picture.

It was after 11 when I paid my bill and left and of course I had to stop and say goodnight to my friends in the bar. I really do like this new dress. now I have to decide if I should wear one of my other new dresses Saturday night when I go out. I have 3 but one I am saving for Harvey’s next month. wow that will be hard to wait for that. I still can’t understand how I get so excited over a new dress for Susan but I could have all the new cloths in the world for my male self and would think about it in the least.

Well thanks for reading and have a wonderful day.


October 17, 2015 Posted by | New Dress, Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Friday night at the P-Club

Well it was another fun night out. I went to the P-Club on Lombard in Portland to meet up with my friends something I look forward to all week. I started getting ready a little earlier as I didn’t want to have to rush as I enjoy the whole Susan experience including getting ready and doing my makeup something most guy’s will never experience which is a shame. It is so much fun to try different looks with the makeup, I went for a little more dramatic look with my eyes as I think this is one of the areas my makeup skills lack and you know what they say practice make perfect or in my case better. I wore my grey sweater dress and put on my black knee high boots as it is such a cute look but at the last minute I changed from my boots to my 4″ heels as they show my pretty painted toes and usually we sit a lot at the P-club so I wanted the look.

I got to the P-club right at 7:30 and Cassandra pulled in right behind me so we all walked in as a group. Cassandra, Peggy, Wilma and me, this was Peggy’s first time here. They were not very busy yet so we got a couple tables and pulled them together and ordered some drinks and some food. It wasn’t long and others girls started to show up and our group out grew the two tables we had. Maya and Mindy (Mindy is her daughter and so accepting and friendly of us); Roxy, Cristine, Jan, Lynn, Brook and Diane who is in town from back east. I know I am missing someone sorry.

Diane had on this cute grey sweater dress with black knee high boots so had I wore my boots we would have looked almost the same other than her dress was just a little different style and a little shorter. It was so funny so of course we took some pictures with Diane’s camera; my batteries were dead as I forgot to change them after Halloween when I took way to many pictures.

Brook was there again and in girl mode for the second week in a row which is nice as she works so much it is really hard for her to get out and she really likes to spend time as her female self. We had a chance to talk for a while which is fun as I think being able to share a little girl talk is one of my favorite things as Susan.

Well next up was shuffle board (they have a table version) so Cassandra and Diane challenged Peggy and me. Cassandra and I had played before but Diane and Peggy had not so we explained how it works and then we started playing. The first game Peggy and I won, we led the whole game. It was so fun. The second game Diane and Cassandra won so you guessed it we had to play another game, Peggy and I took an early lead but Cassandra had some good shots and got a couple with high scores so in the end they won but it was way too much fun. We went back to the table to sit and rest as 4″ heels are not what you want to spend your whole evening standing on but they look cute and that is what is important.

Next Maya asked me to play ping pong so I did even though she is really really good and I knew I would lose. There was a table up by the ping pong table with about 7 people at it (4 girls 3 guys) and they were watching us play so I tried my bet and did have a few good shots and scored some points. We played 2 games and I can tell you playing ping pong in heels is not easy as you do have to move around a lot as you chase that ball. Also a sweater dress is a little warm for physical activity. I really needed to sit down and cool off and have another drink but it was so fun.

Later on it was so funny as Maya and a couple of the other girls were teaching Mindy how to walk in her heels and dress. She is so cute but she is more of a cowgirl type. This was her first time she said wearing a dress and heels so these T-girls were teaching her. So funny to see T-girls teaching a GG how to be walk in heels. She also does not usually wear makeup but Maya got her to put on some eye makeup and a really pretty shade of red lipstick which looked great on her.

Once again it was time for shuffle board so Diane and Brook challenged Mindy and me to a game so I was back up on my feet that were already killing me to play another game. This one guy who was really pretty drunk kept coming up to us he really liked Mindy as she really did look good but he was following her like a puppy dog. And of course was hitting on the rest of us also. At one point he set a pitcher of beer right in the middle of the shuffle board game and got beer on the table and the salt on the top so we had to stop the game and clean that part of the table. Mindy kept telling him to sit and he would for a few minutes and then he was right back by us and once again Mindy would tell him to sit, just like training a puppy. Well Mindy and I won 2 games and I really needed to sit now and rest my feet and for the first time I took my heels off while still out such a girl thing to do. I have seen other woman do this but till this point have never been willing to do. So I sat at the table resting my feet and they did feel better.

A couple woman came up to us a couple different times and told us how nice we all looked and they were glad we were there. They were so nice and we chatted with them for a while. It is nice when we are out to have people tell you that you are welcome in a place and they even like us to be there.

The rest of the evening Peggy, Roxy, Jan, Lynn and I sat and talked. It was so nice and relaxing. Peggy and Cassandra are planning on going to Diva Las Vegas in April 2011 and so am I so we talked a little about that. We want to do the same thing we did last year, leave Friday and drive to LA, spend Saturday in LA maybe go to Universal again and have lunch outside and then go to the Oxwood Saturday night and then Sunday on to Las Vegas for the week. It was so fun last year and we are all looking forward to this year. I once again plan on doing the whole trip as Susan again and yes that defiantly means having Acrylic nails as I love them and could never pass up a chance to have them. I talked a little with Diane to see if she could meet us there and also hope more from our group the Rose_City_T-girls can go. We may even try a different hotel this year.

Well it was about 1 AM when I left, it had been a long day as I get up really early during the week. Some of the girls stayed but this girls feet were dead. May have to wear shorter heels next time we go here.

November 6, 2010 Posted by | Portsmouth Pizza & Pub | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments


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