Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Friday night out

The end of the week is here and I was looking forward to Friday night, I have missed the last 2 Fridays do to other things so it would be good to be back and see some of my friends. I got home late almost 5:30 so it would be a rush to get ready. It was straight into the shower and then makeup and getting dressed. I was out the door at 6:20 and on my way.

I got to Sweet Home at 6:30 and Roxy and Chris were already there, Chris playing pool. I got out my computer and caught up on some things I needed to do, wow life is just really busy right now. I ordered dinner and while I waited talked with Chris & Roxy some. My dinner came and it was awesome as always, never had a bad meal here yet.

It was kind off quiet here tonight at least early on as it never really gets busy till it is time for Karaoke as that is what most people come for but it was nice as it gave us a chance to talk. It is funny as some of the girls I talk with it is all about where they are or go, some want to dance or see a show, play pool or sing karaoke. For me it is about being out and the people I am with. Just being able to go out as Susan and do I guess what you would call the day to day things, it makes me feel I am Susan and female when I am living this part of my life.

Susan is a part of me and helps make me the person I am and as such she should be able to fit in any part of my life and what I mean by that is all the things I would do as my male self. going grocery shopping or running to he store, putting gas in my car basically anything I would do as my male self I should also be able to do as Susan. Now I know as I have people who don’t know about Susan does limit that some but it limits who I do things with and not what I do and that is what I am talking about and what I need and want for Susan.

Over the years I use to look at Susan as this other side  of me a different person if you will and I guess she is but really she is more than that. She is a part of me an extension of me, she is always with me and helps shape who I am. When I talk with people, work with them or do things it does not matter if I am Susan or my male self as both are present and what you see and hear is them together making me the person I am. I guess what I am saying is I am happy with who I am and hat is a wonderful thing and I really have my wonderful friends to thank as they helped me find my true self.

Well it started to get busier as the night went on and soon the other group started to show up. They really are a fun group. Mareinna and Dawni were there and it is always great to see them. there are friends from the other group I really look forward to seeing even if we really don’t get to talk much. By now it was just Chris and I as Roxy had left. $ guys and a girl came over and talked with me, I have met the girl and 1 of the guys here before and I am terrible with names but the one guy I have met before is Curtis and one of the guys was Jeremy.

I had a good conversation with Jeremy and the young lady. they were both fascinated with the fact that I am not full time nor do I want to be and I can understand that. I really think it is easier for someone to understand someone who feel they are the opposite sex or were born in the wrong body. understanding someone who doesn’t want to change or be the other sex full time is hard. it took me years to understand I myself.

The best way I can explain it is this. if you look at Gender as a scale from 0 to 10, 0 being ultra feminine, 5 gender neutral and 10 a macho jerk most people will pick a number in the middle which really isn’t right. it really is a sliding scale. most females with fall in a range from 2 to 5 depending on what they are doing, first date, wedding day, going out dancing with friends, working in the yard, cleaning the house or watching sports on TV and the same go for men as they will act differently at a bar watching football with their buddies then on a date with their wives or girlfriends. we all have a range.

My range is just wider I fall between a 2 & 8 with my most comfortable place between a 4 and 5 so I guess I am just a little on the feminine side although I am good at hiding it as I usually act as a 6 when I am my male self. again I am not talking about my bodies sex or sexual preference I am talking about my emotional state and how I feel and view things. I like the softer and prettier clothes and shoes women have. I like the makeup and to look and feel pretty. it is funny how society views this. I love getting my nails done and yes if I could they would be long and red all the time and it comes with a cost. I go every 2 to 3 weeks now and et a manicure and every other time a pedicure and I am guessing I will spend $1,000 a year on my nails. I have asked many women why they get their nails done and I have gotten I enjoy it, it relaxes me, I like having my nails done or I like having pretty or long nails, what I have never herd is I do it because I am female. the same goes for me, I enjoy it, it relaxes me, I like having pretty nails. For some reason though people look at it as a man should not like these things because they are a man but women can either like or dislike getting their nails done.

People have this impression that being male means you only like certain things but trust me liking something has nothing to do with being male of female it just has to do with liking it. I need to have both Susan my female side and my male side in my life. it would be great if Susan could play a bigger part in my life but I also realize I need my male side as he does the things like yard work, cleaning the garage and cleaning the gutters to name a few and yes I know that sounds sexist but its not. Yes Susan could do all those things too but she would be worried about getting her clothes or herself dirty, breaking a nail or messing up her hair or makeup so she is happy to have a male side for these things. In some ways I really do have the best of both worlds. Someday Susan may play a bigger role in my life but the one thing I know for sure is there will always want and need my male side. I think the key to understanding me and others like me is to forget about what sex our body is and just look at us as a person and how we feel.

It was fun talking with them and I got to know them a little better, really wish I had got all their names but I am sure I will see them again. Karaoke started and it was fun. a lot of the songs sang tonight I knew and could sing along with. Chris left about 10:30 but I stayed a little while longer and listened to some more singing. it was a fun night and a great way to start the weekend. it was a little after 11 when I left.

Happy Memorial Day weekend, a weekend we celebrate to thank those who gave their lives for our freedom. I want to thank all the veterans for their service and although today it may not seem like your nation appreciates you we do.

We live in a great country with all kinds of freedoms including life liberty and the pursuit of happiness and of course freedom of speech. The fact I can be who I am be Susan is because of these freedoms. the hardest part for people is to recognize others freedom. what I mean by this is I have the right to be Susan but you also have the right not to like it and I accept that. You have the right to tell me I am wrong to live this way and I have the right to tell you that you are wrong and how I live my life is fine. What neither of us have he right to do is deny the other his right to speech. I bring his up because of all the protests we are seeing. I am not saying you have to support Trump or like him but he does have the right to speak and you need to support that right. protesting and trying to deny him that right is wrong and illegal. it is no different then if conservatives denied us the right to be who we are or speak about our views and before you attack me for this there is a different between speaking out against something or trying to change laws to how you believe and violence and trying to physically stop people. as sad as it sounds these people are criminals and that reflects on us as a groups as they say they are doing it on our behalf. So I am taking a stand and saying what they are doing is wrong and they should be arrested and do not support their actions.

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and if you see a veteran thank them or give them a hug.


May 28, 2016 Posted by | Sweethome, Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Facebook and peoples views and ideas, My political statement.

I get e-mails form people asking me how I can live two separate lives or my favorite wouldn’t I just be happier if I transitioned and let my true feminine self free. The thing is we all take our lives and try to fit it on other people, be it transgender issues, gay issues, religion, politics, or anything else we feel or believe. I see it on Facebook all the time we have become a society of my way, my view is the only correct one. Just today a friend on Facebook posted a political idea on her page. now remember when you post on your page it goes to all your friends so I see it. but at the end she put if you disagree do not comment on this, so in other words I have free speech and you don’t. you have to see my ideas but I don’t want yours seems one sided. I have always believed that if I post something on my blog or Facebook page that you disagree with I not only expect you to reply on both sides but I encourage it. If I want you to respect and accept my views, the way I live my life than it is only fair I do the same for you.

so as for living two lives the way I do I wouldn’t change it as even when I am in my male roll in life Susan is still a part of me and make my male side who he is and shapes him just as when I am Susan my male side is with me and helps make her who she is. Both sides male and female make me the whole complete person I am. Now I know people tell me if my friends are truly friends then they would accept my female side and nothing would change and I should be proud of who I am, trust me I am proud of who I am. the funny thing is a few of these people who told me this are also people who unfriended me on Facebook because I disagreed with them on something. With that I will make my one and only political statement on my page. I am not a democrat and I am not a republican, I am an American. I am Liberal in some ways and conservative in some ways. I do not support any party just because of the name and I guess if someone told me they were voting for someone just because of the party they belonged to I would not accept that answer. I would need them to give me a reason other than that. There are people on both sides that call the other side nasty names, say they should die or be killed for their stand and are completely intolerant of each other and the funny thing is they will point this out in the other side but not see they are doing the same thing. I have my conservative or liberal view and that is okay but you can’t have your conservative or liberal view and that is why we have such a divide in our country. Those who say they will move to another country if one side or the other wins then you are not Americans as Americans believe in a free democracy, the will of the people. Trump won the Republican primary and weather you like him or not you need to resect him as the Republican candidate just as I expect Hillary to win the democrat primary and should be shown the same respect as her parties candidate. In the fall we will let the people decide. till we all learn to respect each other things will not change.

If you want to be treated well, fair and with respect then you need to give that to other people to weather they agree with you or not. Now that being said I will not allow people to post things I disagree with on my Facebook wall any more then I would expect you to allow me to post things on your wall you disagree with. After all my Facebook page is my home on the web just as it is yours. If I do post something on my Facebook page please feel free to comment on it, agree, disagree I don’t care but do it with respect. If you call me names or are disrespectful about it I will remove it. I think we need to have open, respectful discussions on things as that is how we learn and accept one another.

May 7, 2016 Posted by | Politics, religion | , , , , , | Leave a comment


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