Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Different kind of post today

Hi All and forgive me for this post but as I said this blog was set up for me and for me I need to do this blog. We all like to think that the transgender community is one big happy family but as in all groups that is not always the case which is very sad as how can we expect others outside of our community to accepts us and treat us with respect if we cannot even do that among ourselves.

We have a former member of our group the Rose City T-Girls that left the group because she had a fight, disagreement with another member. We are not sure of what it was about as the girl who is still a member has not really made it public in the group what happened which shows a lot of class on her part.

The T-Girl who left started off making attacks against this one member and they have been public attacks online on public web pages. From there she started attacking other members of the group who had nothing to do with what happened other than being friends of the one T-Girl and even now is attacking everyone in the group with her posts and I guess in a broader look all transgender people who are larger than the average woman or older and can’t pass which is totally wrong and sad.

with what is going on with some of us filing a complaint against the P-Club for asking us not to come back because we are transgender there are now video interviews of several of the girls online from the different new channels and as always you can make comments which has given her a hug ability to make these attacks and some are pretty sad and petty. One has to think with the amount of time and effort she spends keeping track of a group she didn’t want to be a part of and the time involved in making these posts and attacks that she must be really unhappy with her own life as she can’t move on and forget about us and the only thing she can do is try to make our lives miserable. It really is sad.

Well any way she has been posting about all the problems we caused at the P-club which we did not and that we deserved to be kicked out which we did not, basically making this whole thing are fault which again it is not so I thought what better way to show this then use her own words as she has left many comments on my blog over the years. I guess she didn’t stop to think that things you put online stay for people to see over and over again. I will put all of them below but I wanted to highlight this comment first as back in February of 2011 we had heard a rumor there was an issue with us being at the P-Club which nothing ever happened and when we asked the bar staff they assured us there was no problems.

Possible issue with our group at the P-Club still a fun night February 12 2011

Great blog as usual, Susan! You always capture the evening perfectly. Yet another reason that I appreciate this blog so much is that on evenings where I drink a bit too much and my memory is foggy, I can always read your blog to jog my memory! I also agree that the owner of the P-Club has no legitimate reason to ask us not to come there. We have been model patrons (well, that is if you’re not upset by your patrons dressing like girls ). My opinion – if he doesn’t like us there, he should come and say it to our faces. Then I would leave with no complaints. But unless I hear it directly from him, I wouldn’t feel right about just ceasing to go there. That’s just my two cents. Too bad the parking is so horrible in my neighborhood. There are TONS of nightspots that would LOVE our business and welcome us with open arms! Unfortunately they all have on-street parking and usually that means you’re lucky to find a spot 4 or 5 blocks from the place that you want to go to. The upside would be that there are so many places in such close proximity that we could even “bar hop” from place to place, and that might be kinda fun. But the parking situation would have to be resolved before we even think about trying some places in my neighborhood. Oh well, I have faith that it’ll all work out.

Keep up the great blogging!


These are all of her comments and the post she left them on and all were very supportive of the group accept for one which was after she left the group. And they back up how much fun we and her had at the P-Club and that we never caused a problem there. Thanks for reading and allowing me to get this off my chest.

A new path on Friday nights June 23 2012 (notice on this comment no hugs Jennifer)

Your logic is severely flawed, Susan. How do you deduce from my statement that I’m putting down all transgendered people? Nothing in my comment makes a blanket statement towards all transgendered people. It’s obvious tat I was referring specifically to the obnoxious trannys who show up at the P-Club week after week making a spectacle of themselves. How that can be misconstrued as a statement towards all transgendered individuals is beyond my comprehension. Are you insinuating that anybody who considers themselves transgendered is above reproach, and therefore never at fault for anything? That’s silly. My point is simply that you’re fooling yourselves if you think that you were kicked out of the P-Club for any other reason than you own actions. You brought it on yourselves, and now you’re trying to make the owner the bad guy.

Tuesday night finally out again at Starbucks April 26 2011

Oh Susan, speaking of neighbors I am having some funny “neighbor issues” myself lately. There are multiple stories, and they’re a bit lengthy to post them all here, so I’ll have to tell them to you sometime soon. The one that I have to mention really quickly is that I have a new neighbor, and the first time that he met me was when I was dressed as Jennifer as he was moving his stuff in. He was blatantly ogling over my body, then he looked up at my face and I could tell from the look in his eye that he was instantly disgusted. The expression changed on his face so rapidly that it was hilarious, and I couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle. Days later when he formally met me when I was in guy mode, he refused to shake my hand. Anyway, there is much more to this story, plus a couple of other neighbor stories that I have to tell you sometime. They’re all hilarious, though!

Love the blog, as always!


Awesome Friday with friends March 19 2011

Yes Susan, count me as one of the ones who is definitely going to Diva Las Vegas next year! I’ll definitely miss seeing you the next several Fridays. I can’t make it to the P-Club this Friday because I have to get up really early on Saturday morning. This will be the first Friday that I’ve missed going to the P-Club since mid-December! Yikes! Also, like you, I HATE having my photo taken as a guy. But Jennifer can’t get enough of the camera! So I understand what you mean. It’s is so weird!


A cold night out for the girls here in Portland February 26 2011

Great blog as always, Susan! And yes, Misty already has some photos on the group page. I posted them last Saturday. So she has several of them posted on there, as a matter of fact. Good job of “finding” her, Susan! She is so much fun! Also, it’s not surprising that you get so many hits on your webpage(s). Norma and I were talking about your webpage and blog this past Sunday night, and we were discussing how great we think it is and what a good job that you do. We stop by and read it on an almost daily basis to see updates. Keep up the great blogging!


6 Weeks to Diva Las Vegas February 16 2011

“People go camping for a week or two but this does not mean they want to live in a tent for the rest of their lives…” Oh my god, that is such a perfect analogy! I love it!


Possible issue with our group at the P-Club still a fun night February 12 2011

Great blog as usual, Susan! You always capture the evening perfectly. Yet another reason that I appreciate this blog so much is that on evenings where I drink a bit too much and my memory is foggy, I can always read your blog to jog my memory! I also agree that the owner of the P-Club has no legitimate reason to ask us not to come there. We have been model patrons (well, that is if you’re not upset by your patrons dressing like girls ). My opinion – if he doesn’t like us there, he should come and say it to our faces. Then I would leave with no complaints. But unless I hear it directly from him, I wouldn’t feel right about just ceasing to go there. That’s just my two cents. Too bad the parking is so horrible in my neighborhood. There are TONS of nightspots that would LOVE our business and welcome us with open arms! Unfortunately they all have on-street parking and usually that means you’re lucky to find a spot 4 or 5 blocks from the place that you want to go to. The upside would be that there are so many places in such close proximity that we could even “bar hop” from place to place, and that might be kinda fun. But the parking situation would have to be resolved before we even think about trying some places in my neighborhood. Oh well, I have faith that it’ll all work out.

Keep up the great blogging!


Diva Las Vegas here I come February 5 2011

Well crap, there is no way that I can make Diva Las Vegas this year. Not only do I have a roller derby bout the weekend before, and a race the weekend after, but now I find out that I have to go to Hood River, Oregon for work for two and a half days in the middle of that week! I hardly ever have to travel for my job, but wouldn’t you know it that this would be the year and the week that I have to go out of town. I am DEFINITELY in for next year, though! That gives me plenty of time to schedule the time off and to shop, shop, shop for Vegas clothes. I’m bummed that I can’t make it this year, but put me down for next year for sure!


Passing in public February 2 2011

I am really shocked to read that you feel that you don’t pass, Susan! I’ve always thought of you as passing. I have shown your photo to a number of GG friends of mine and they all swear that you are a GG. As a matter of fact, I got into a heated argument with a GG friend of mine over you because she thought that I was lying to her. It wasn’t until I thought to show her your blog and website that she believed me! Then she was just shocked and kept saying how beautiful you are. Your makeup is always absolutely perfect and your eyes are gorgeous feminine eyes. I think that the eyes have a lot to do with passing. They’re not the only factor, of course, but they’re a big part. I think that you focus on what you perceive to be your flaws (we all do that). For example, you mentioned that you feel that your size has a lot to do with why you feel that you don’t pass. Well, that GG friend of mine who got into a heated argument with me over whether or not you’re a GG, is only 5’3 and 118 lbs., and she swore up and down that you were a GG!!! So your size may only be a factor in your own mind. I know plenty of attractive GG’s that are as tall as or taller than you. I know that we all have our own definition of what “passing” is, but if you cause a big argument between two friends over the identity of your gender, then that’s passing in my book!


Shuffleboard, pool and dancing at the p-club January 29 2011

Great blog, Susan! Yes, it was a different DJ that night, and her music selection wasn’t that great. So I played with my new camera to keep myself busy. It was a great time! Enjoyed finally meeting Alice, too!


New Years eve with friends January 1 2011

Thank you so much for the compliment on the dress! As you know, you are my hero, so any compliment from you means a lot to me! I bought that dress for only $15 at an after Christmas sale at Deb at the Lloyd Center Mall. It was 75% off! It’s my new favorite dress, and it’s the least expensive one that I own! Imagine that. It was my first strapless dress, and it has inspired me, because I’ve since purchased another strapless one to wear on Valentine’s Day! I can’t wait!


Friday at the p-club January 8 2011

Yes Susan, it was a great night (from what I can remember of it)! I danced for hours, over the course of which I drank too much and paid dearly for it the next day. Oh well, I had a blast like I always do with you girls! Thank you so much again for the link to the makeup videos. I watched several of them last night. I like her style a lot, and she is very easy to watch/listen to. And you’re right, she DOES make it look easy! Thanks again and I can’t wait to see you again!


Small group at P-Club November 13 2010

Great blog! You captured the evening perfectly, Susan. And you’re correct, I DID have a great time and I could NOT stop smiling the whole time! So much fun! I can’t wait to go out again! You girls are the best!



August 12, 2012 Posted by | Out and about as Susan, P-Club, Rose_City_T-Girls, T-girl | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Out with my Friends on a Friday night.

Well another long and busy week has come and gone and Susan was ready for a night out with her friends. I got home from work late so quickly checked my e-, mails and then right into the shower to start my transformation to Susan. Now the funny thing is I hear the woman I work complain about how long it takes them to get ready and all the work that goes into looking good but for me I still really enjoy it. Now I realize I don’t do it every day or have to if I don’t want to but still I find it so fun and relaxing. Different eye shadows, different color lipstick, eye liner done just a little different. You can always change you look a little every time. How can that not be fun?

Well I was out the door and on my way a little before 7 which on a Friday night is good for me. I got to the P-Club about 7:15 and again no parking in front and the parking lot almost filled. Inside there were 7 from our group already there, Cassandra, Wilma, Amy, Sandy, Chris, Robyn, & Kristy so we already had 2 tables full and were off to a good start. I sat down next to Sandy and Amy and we started talking. Sandy lives North a ways but was in town for the evening so came out and joined us. I first met her at Cassandra & Peggy’s Super Bowl party. Really nice girl, she and some of her friends actually rent an apartment together to store their female clothes and dress at as their families do not know. What a cool idea. They share the rent and always have a place to go. Which I had done something like that years ago when I had roommates. Think about it, if you get 10 girls to go in on it the cost would not be that much and since you are really only using it to change and maybe hand out at it would work great. Well Wilma and I played Sandy and Amy a couple games of shuffle board. We had such a fun time and Wilma and I won both games of course Sandy had never played but by the second game she was getting the hang of it.

Well somehow someone thought we should get some pictures not sure who but we all brought out our cameras and so many pictures were taken, some with two of us, three of us, four of us and so on. We probably took 30 or 40 pictures so I was going to put a bunch in my blog. The funny thing is with all the different cameras and pictures I only had one picture on my camera so that will have to do. This is me, Sandy and Amy and I think it was one of the first ones taken. Hopefully the other girls will either post them to our group or send me copies and I will post later.

Well not that we had the important things done, pictures I good go and order some food to eat. I chatted with Nicole the Bar tender for a bit, she is really nice and treats all us ladies wonderful. I had the chicken tenders this week and they were really good.

After we ate Wilma and I played Robyn and Kristy a game of shuffle board. We kept out undefeated status the whole night never losing a game.

Jennifer showed up later after her meeting at the Q-Center. I first started talking to her back before Halloween and first met her at the Halloween party. She had never been out in public before and now she is going out more and more. She actually started Hormones now and is in the process of telling people about her. I think that would be so hard to do. She is super nice and I just know it will all work out for her.

Later on Jennifer wanted to learn how to play shuffle board so we went over and I explained it to her and we played a couple games. The first game I was way out in front before she finally got a feel for how hard to puck the puck down the table but I won pretty easily, the second game was a lot closer and she almost won. Turns out she learns pretty quickly as I only won by 4. It was a lot of fun and I look forward to our next game.

I am not sure how many were there as some came and left before others got there so it is always hard to get a good count, but I am thinking 15 maybe 20. It is so cool that we have such an active group. I think what makes this group so great and successful is it is a social group and not a place to pick others up. All of our group postings are clean and respectful and if not the moderators take action which luckily does not happen very often. But beyond that even the members help as they will let the moderators know when things are getting out of control. There are many other groups if that is what you are looking for and so it is nice to have a group like this where we can be ourselves. Well done Cassandra on the group, you have brought us together as one big family.

Well I hope to get out Tuesday night to Starbucks as that will be my last chance for almost two weeks. It is sad as I will miss the next two Fridays and as hard as it is to go that long without being Susan I think it will be harder to not see my friends for that time.

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend.

February 25, 2012 Posted by | P-Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The P-Club with my friends

Well it was Friday night and you all know what that means, Susan was going out with her friends and she had a new dress to wear. I started getting ready at 5:15 with hopes to be out the door by 6:30 as I knew some of the girls get there earlier but Susan takes longer to get ready and that is okay as I really enjoy the whole experience of getting ready. I know I hear woman complain about how long it takes to get ready and men complain even more about how long their wives or girlfriends take but I really enjoy it. Now that being said I don’t have to do it every day of my life so it is still special to me, one of the advantages of being a part time girl. Anyway the dress is cute and I like Purple plus it is nice to wear something other than my normal black.

Well I was out the door about 6:45 just a little later than I hoped but still got me to the P-Club by 7:15. Again this week there was no parking in front and only two spots in the parking lot way at the back but that was okay. Inside they had a pretty good crowd for how early it was. Cassandra, Chris, Kristy, Amy, Ronda (in male mode) and one other girl I can’t remember her name was there so we were off to a good start.

About 7:30 Samantha showed up, she is a T-Girl from Eugene area that had e-mailed me earlier in the week. She had read my blog and wanted to know if she could join us. The answer is always yes, as anyone is welcome to join us. Anyway I introduced her around to the group. Turns out she has not dressed for a couple years so she came up to Portland and spent the day out as Samantha. What a fun day she must have had. Well we sat and talked for awhile and got to know a little about each other, well I think we learned more about her than she did about us as there were more of us asking her questions. She is really nice and I hope she comes up to Portland more and joins us.

Well we ordered something to eat, this week I had their Chicken tender basket, yes it includes French fries but I was hungry as I skipped lunch. It was a nice time just eating and chatting. It was more about being social than anything. The funny thing I realized is for the most part when I am out I don’t think about how I am dressed. Yes I am careful how I eat, smaller bites and napkin in my lap so I don’t spill on my cute dress. Smoothing my dress when I sit and keeping my legs together but I really don’t have to think about this as I just seem to do it. I guess I am truly comfortable out as Susan. Most of the time I am not really paying any attention to what I am wearing, I am just Susan which is so cool.

Well Amy got the shuffle board pucks and wanted to play so what is a girl to do. Victoria and I played as partners against Amy and Kristy. It is always fun plus I am pretty good at this game unlike pool. The first game Victoria and I won pretty easy but the second game was a lot closer, we actually came from behind right at the end to win. Well we took a break and got something to drink.

Jennifer also made it. She had another support group meeting downtown and stopped in afterwards. This is only her second time out in public and she was doing great. She really did look relaxed and like she has been going out all her life. We had a good chance to talk and turns out she is going to start hormones this week as she is looking into transitioning. So for her it will be a little different as she will be going full time which means telling everyone, which she has already started with a few people. I think that would be the hardest part. She spent a lot of time talking with Victoria as she went full time last fall and came out to her work when she did. I give them a lot of credit as that hast to be hard to do.

Sophie and Lorna also made it out again, always nice to see them. Lorna has so many great stories always enjoy chatting with her. The 3 of us sat at the table with Samantha, Kristy and Amy and all talked for about 40 minutes. It really is funny as my male side likes to be active and doing things not just sitting around talking but Susan can sit and talk with people for hours and enjoys every minute. There really are so many differences between my male and female side.

There was another new girl there and I think her name was Kim. We chatted for awhile; she is really skinny and looks good. If only I could be half as skinny as she is. I think her new Amy and that is how she found us but how ever she did what was great is she was there.

Dan also made it again this week, the second week in a row. His girl friend Kaylanii was there again. Last week’s blog I was way off on her name but this week it is right but still not sure of the spelling. She really looked good and had on 6″heels so she was really tall. We had a good chance to talk and get to know each other better. Turns out she also lives in Vancouver and not far from the Starbuck’s I go to.

Darla and Kelly were also there. They are both really nice and fun to hang around. Darla had on this really nice perfume it smelled really nice on her. I need some more perfume as mine is almost gone but it is hard as it never smell quite the same on everyone. We talked for a while and I did find out the name of the perfume so I may see if I can find it.

Later in the evening Darcy same in with her friends, her group sometimes plays Bunco at the P-club. Turns out tonight they played at someone’s home and then came to the P-Club for a drink. Darcy is really nice and always happy to see us there. She gave us all a hug and talked with us for a while before going back to her friends. It is so nice to have accepting people like that around as it really makes a girl or anyone feel special.

It was a fun night and we had probably 25 girls there. What a fun way to end a long bust week, out with your friends. It was about 1 am when we left but a really fun night.

Thanks for reading and have a great week.

February 11, 2012 Posted by | P-Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Friday night at the P-Club

Well another Friday night and I made it out with my friends again. I look forward all week long to my time out with my friends. I say it all the time but I am really lucky to have such great friends. Being able to talk and spend time with people who accept you and share your interests.

Well I got to the P-Club about 7:15 and there was no parking either in front or the parking lot. This was a first and after two trips through the parking lot I parked on the side street so I had about a block to walk. The P-Club was really busy tonight, not sure why but there was a good crowd there. Cassandra, Chris, Robyn and Kristy were already there so I joined them. It was nice to just sit and talk for awhile. We talked about Diva Las Vegas; I am still waiting to hear if I get my vacation. I hope to hear this next week. It was so much fun and I really want to go again this year. As of today they have 110 signed up to attend so far.

Well we all ordered dinner, I had the salad which is really good and healthier for me. They have really good food and I almost ordered the ribs as they look really good. Several of the girls have had them and say they are awesome. I am just afraid I might mess up my lipstick.

Shannon showed up with her boyfriend. Turns out her birthday is this Monday so we got a picture with her, Chris, Cristine and me as we all have birthdays in January. Shannon use to hang out with us a couple years ago at Embers and it was only a month or so again she joined our group. Her boyfriend is nice but I think he is a little uneasy around us still.

Jennifer also made it out. It was her first time out to the P-Club. She went to an event at the Q-Center and then stopped by after. It was great to see her again as I have only met her once at the Halloween party. We have e-mailed each other several times and I hope she can get out more. I couldn’t stay out late last night as I Saturday I had to work.

Peggy made cupcakes and sent them with Cassandra for my Birthday, how sweet was that. She was unable to make it do to work. They were so good, Thanks so much Peggy. It was a really fun night.

Some of the girls played pool but we never did get to play shuffle board. And I managed to stay out till about 11 which was later than I planned as I had to be up at 3:30 am. It was a short night but still so worth it. There were some picture taken and I hope to post them when I get them.

Thanks for reading.

January 28, 2012 Posted by | P-Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Halloween Party 2011

Well I have been looking forward to this for weeks. Even with working out my costume the night before it still took me over an hour to do my makeup and get my costume on just the way I wanted. My costume is a dance hall girl, and yes there will be pictures included. I left my house at 4 pm which was interesting as they had an open house at the house across the street they are trying to sell so there was maybe 15 people walking around looking at it both inside and out but hey they didn’t know me at least not yet. I got to Cassandra and Peggy’s house at 5 pm as I had some food and wanted to help set up.

I walked in and Peggy was just coming down the stairs and we just looked at each other. We had both picked out dance hall girl costumes. The dresses were a little different but the hair feather, petticoats, fishnet stockings, garter belt & 4 inch heels were all the same. The funny part is when I picked out my costume they had two dresses that fit me, the one I picked and the other was pretty much the same as Peggy’s. We looked like sisters except I was the rather tall sister. There were only a few people there at this time and the decorations in the house were awesome, Peggy must have worked for days doing them. Soon people started to show up. This year there was a cover charge which really made since; Cassandra and Peggy spend a lot of their own money and time putting this party on. It was only $15 but for that you got all you could eat and drink and if needed you could crash on their floor and get breakfast in the morning so a very good value and I am sure it came nowhere close to what they spend. Just the prizes probably came to a couple hundred bucks.

Well before it got dark we all went outside and started to take some pictures. This is Victoria and me; I like this picture because it is the only one that shows my legs. I wore fishnets for the first time and a garter belt. I just thought it was a great picture and Victoria looked so cute in her costume. Victoria really looks good in Green. There were so many pictures being taken, even Diane had her camera and she took a tone of pictures so I hope she will post them at some point to the group and I will maybe add them to the post later. All my pictures can be seen on my web page and my face book page but I have picked out 3 to include in my blog.

There was also Karaoke again this year. Morgan one of our members did the Karaoke and did an awesome job and yes I did sing one song, Mama Mia. What can I say I like ABBA. Not sure I would ever sing in a public setting but here in this small setting it was fun. There were several girls that did a great job singing.

Jennifer and her wife made it to the party which was great as I have only e-mailed her. I think she said this was only her third time out. It was great to meet her and get to talk with her. Jennifer’s wife is so nice and supportive of her which is great. I hope they can both come out with the group. She had a cute costume and it was nice to get a picture with someone taller than me.

Rachel and her boyfriend came again this year, their costumes were great, and they were both ballerina’s Rachel the black swan and her boyfriend the white swan. They were awesome. Last year their costumes were Star Trek. Rachel made both their costumes and did a great job.

Rachael Miller and her wife came to the party for a little bit. I have known Rachael for many years so it was great to see her and to finally meet her wife. I got to talk to both of them for a while which was nice. Rachael’s wife had a great costume.

Kim, one of Peggy’s friends was also there and had this amazing sexy costume, she was a dead hoe. I had to get a picture with her. She was voted the sexiest costume at the party. She has gone out with the group several times and is always so nice. We had a chance to talk for a while which was nice, would like to have talked to her more. Hopefully she will come out more with the group.

The party was awesome and I think they tried to get a count but haven’t heard the final numbers but would guess 60 to 70 as some came and went so not everyone was there all at the same time. And there were so many great costumes.

There was so much food and drink even though all I drink is pop but at one point they ran out of ice so Peggy asked me to drive her to the store to get more. I was only too happy to as it gave me a chance to go out to the store in my costume plus Peggy had the same costume so us two dance hall girls got in my car and went to the grocery store. It was fun even though they were not that busy and there was no one else in costumes. On the way out as we were getting to my car we got a couple cat calls from a guy and girl getting out of their car.

The party was so much fun and I want to thank Peggy and Cassandra for such a wonderful party and opening up their house again this year for the best Halloween party in town. You two are awesome and I am so lucky to call you friends.

October 30, 2011 Posted by | halloween, T-girl | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments


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