Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Saturday night and yes, I am going to the Escape

It once again is Saturday and I will be going to the Escape. I pretty much go here every week as I know someone from our group almost always shows up. I have said it many times as much as I enjoy going out as Susan what makes it all the more special is being able to meet up with my friends. Now I do have my alone time when I go to Starbucks for a couple hours but that is more to get caught up on my blogs and e-mails. Now I was able to get home early so I went a head and started getting ready and just figured I would get to the Escape early. I took my time to enjoy my transformation to Susan and now with my makeup done it was time to get dressed. Now I have been wearing warmer dresses but tonight I really wanted to wear my grey dress with sparkles, the problem is it is sleeveless and if they have the air conditioner on, I will be cold but I figured I would take the chance. I was all dressed and, on my way, and got to the Escape about 5:30 and still had to park out on the street. I did bring my coat tonight as it has been raining hard all day. now I did get my selfie in the car before I went in.

I got inside and they were actually pretty busy for as early as it was but I did get 1 of the two big tables and I was happy it was warm inside. I ordered food, I would call it dinner but I had eggs bacon and pancakes. Now I started on my blog from Wednesday night’s dinner at Who Song & Larry’s. this is one of the advantages of getting here early as most of the girls who do come early don’t get here till 6:30 or so with the exception of Nicole when she is in town. She also likes to get here early before it gets loud. With my blog done I moved on to catching up on some e-mails. I am trying harder to keep in touch with girls I don’t see as often and on the top of my lost was Sindee. She came out a few times a year ago but hasn’t made it out since last winter. I know she is busy as we all get that way but I also know how hard it is to figure out what being trans means and how it fits in your life.

For me I knew at about 5 or 6 I was different then most boys as a matter of fact at that time I thought I was the only boy who felt as I did. I loved how girls and woman looked and dressed and the cloths and makeup they got to wear. At that age I didn’t understand why I felt that way and I don’t want to date myself but this was way before the internet was even a thought. I kind of looked in Libraries for information on how I felt and even there it was very limited information. What if could find were a couple books on being a transsexual and also being Gay. Now I wasn’t at all attracted to boys so that ruled out being Gay and I really didn’t look at my body as being wrong, I just wanted to look pretty and wear makeup and especially nail polish. It wasn’t till I was in high school I herd the term crossdresser and that seemed to be what best fit how I felt so I at least knew who I was. But I would fight it for many years stopping dressing and purging things only to go back to it. It really wasn’t till my mid 40’s that I came to terms with who I was and accepted it and that was impart because of some wonderful friends I made. Now in my mid 50’s I view myself as transgender but not transsexual and by that I mean I do have a definite feminine side and if truth be told I am most comfortable in my female side but I don’t think there is anything wrong with my body and have no desire to have surgery. Yes, if I won a bunch of money tomorrow and never had to worry about money or work, I would spend most of my time as Susan. I would pierce my ears and have acrylic nails, probably long ones and probably red at least most of the time. I might grow my hair out and I might have electrolysis. But there would still be time I would want and need to be my male self. It took me 50 years too get to this point and my life is so much better now as I am comfortable and know who I am.

Any way ii was just finishing that up and Jan & Lynn showed up, it was great to see them. Shortly after that Michele and Bobbie showed up so we had a nice small group and it was actually pretty busy in here still as they har the Portland Timbers game on and they are in the playoff so there were a loot of people here watching that. Yes, I watched some Soccer on TV. Now this is the funny part, I will watch Baseball at home on my TV as I do like Baseball but that is pretty much it and I never went to a bar as my male self to watch sports well maybe a couple times in Reno I would sit in one of the casino sports bar with friends. As Susan though I have gone to bars to watch Football, Basketball and yes now soccer. Who would have thought I needed to be female to enjoy watching sports?

Soon it was 9 and time for Karaoke, they did leave the game on the big screen as it was under 10 minutes left and it was tied and being a playoff game, the winner goes on and the loser’s season is over. Kris also showed up, she will be moving for a year next week and this will be her last Saturday night here for a while. I think she will make this coming Wednesday night dinner though. Well with 5 minutes left Salt Lake scored and took the lead and the Portland Timbers could not score and lost 2 to 1 so their season is over. Now it was after 9 and it was still warm inside so I was really happy I wore this dress. I don’t wear it that often as it has on bad point. It is grey but all the silver you see is little silver specks and they fall off everywhere. I got up to get a drink and my seat was all sparkly as were my ankle boots and purse and I imagine my drivers’ seat in my car. Last time I wore this dress I had to vacuum my car seat to get it all off.

Now it was a really busy night and a couple girls here came over and talked to us, one told me how pretty I looked and she loved my dress and that made me feel so nice. Rose and her boyfriend showed up a little before 10 it was great to see her again and I got too talk with her a little but as it was so busy, they had to sit at another table. Lauri also showed up at 10 so we actually had a good size group tonight. It was about 11:30 when I paid my bill and called it a night. as I was getting ready to leave Diane showed up. I kid Lauri all the time about being our late-night girl but really that honor goes to Diane. Most of the time when she comes out it is 11 to 11:30 before she gets here. I talked with her briefly before I left.

Now on the drive home which I normally don’t talk about but tonight I will. I was on the freeway going across the bridge which has 5 lanes on it. I was in the 3rd lane from the right almost ready to pass the car in the second lane when a car came by me and he must have been doing 80 or more and cut between us forcing me to hit my breaks. I still don’t know how he got through there without hitting either me or the car just ahead of me to the right. Now there were no cars in the left two lanes and that is where I thought he was going but instead he pulled right Infront of the car to my right now forcing him to hit his breaks and before he could hit the car in front of him he went to the far right lade and slammed into the side of another car almost pushing him into the jersey barrier. That car slowed down to stop but the other car kept going so the car that got hit went after him. I don’t know what happened after this as about 2 miles down the road both cars took the off ramp. I am guessing the driver of the one car was drunk and instead of stopping fled which is hit and run. It was a close call though.

Thanks for reading and be sure and check out my most recent blog to see what is knew in my life.

October 20, 2019 Posted by | Escape Bar & Grill | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Saturday night at the Escape

I am once again a week behind in my blogs but I will catch up as over the Holiday weekend I will get ore Susan time but I am writing about last Saturday at the Escape. Now I pretty much go here every week and some ask why. The answer is simple. I really think it is good to have a place we go all the time this way it is easier for those trying to get out the first time or can only get out every once in a great while. They know there is a place they can go and others will be there. I have said it many times, for me it is not about where I go but that I can go out and be with friends and other people

I got ready early with the hopes of being to the Escape by 6, I knew Nicole would be there as she is in town this weekend and like me, she likes to show up early before it gets busy and loud so we can talk. I was on my way and got to the Escape just before 6 and went in. I went up and ordered my drink and something to eat and Nicole walked in just as I finished ordering. Now being so far behind in my blogs makes it hard to remember things and in last week’s blog I forgot to mention Rachel, she was at the bar last week when I was ordering in male mode so it took me a few moments to recognized her and had she not said something to me I probably wouldn’t have. I met her back in 2005 or 2006 when I would get out a couple times a year and we have kept in touch on and off. It has been a couple years since I have seen her so it really was a nice surprise. I invited her to join us but she couldn’t stay long but I hope she will come out again. Well back to tonight’s blog.

Nicole and I got our normal table and started talking. It is still strange to me in my male ode I don’t talk much but when I am Susan I love to sit and chat about almost anything, it is just a fun way to spend time. Our food came and it was good as always and we had a nice dinner as we talked. It was a little after 7 when Bobbie showed up so there were 3 of us. We all sat and talked and listened to music and just had a fun time.

It started to get busy as it got close to 9 as that is when Karaoke starts and tonight was no exception. Now once Karaoke starts it is a little harder to talk as you have to talk between songs but it is still fun. Now usually Nicole leaves not long after Karaoke starts but tonight, she stayed late. For a while I thought she might still be here when I left.

Now once again tonight a lot of the songs they sang were good ones, probably a bad choice of words as all the songs are good but these were songs, I knew well enough to sing along with at the table which always makes it more fun. It was a little before 10 and Lauri showed up so we had 4 of us here tonight. A smaller group but still fun as it gave us a good chance to talk.

It was after 11 and I was getting tired and I was thinking about leaving when Nicole said she was going to leave so I did out last her but not by long. It was really great Nicole stayed so late. Thanks for reading and be sure and check out my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

August 31, 2019 Posted by | Escape Bar & Grill | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Last Saturday of June at the Escape.

It is the last Saturday of June and I get to go to the Escape tonight. I didn’t get home till 4:30 so I started getting ready as I wanted to be to the Escape by 6. I got to the Escape about 5:45 and went in. they were not busy at all so I got our usual table and set up my computer to work on my blogs and then I ordered some food. I finished my blog from last Saturday and posted it and started working on my blog from Wednesday night dinner. I was almost done with my blog when Nicole and her daughter walked in. turns out they are coming through town on their way home and decided to stop and have dinner and spend a little time here tonight, how awesome is that.

It is a funny store as they only decided about an hour ago when they realized what time they would get to Portland. When they stopped about an hour earlier Nicole got dressed and did her makeup in the car which was a first for her. I on the other hand have a lot of experience at this as do a lot of girls. Early on when I was just making late night drives or going out once every few months, I had to do it this way as I had a roommate who didn’t know. I would load all my stuff in the car the night before and then the night I was going out I would shave really good and shower before I left home and then drive to nearby park that had an upper parking lot that was never really busy and I would park there and get dressed in my car and then do my makeup in the rearview mirror. I would go out or drive around and hen stop at the rest area and change clothes and go wash my face the best I could, on a few occasions if it was late enough, I would sneak into my house and hope I didn’t wake my roommate. What we all go through to be able to be who we are.

Well it was nice to see them again and get to hear all about their father (Nicole) & daughter vacation. They had a wonderful time and yes Nicole did get out on the vacation not just here in Portland. Her daughter is accepting and supportive of her which is so wonderful. Nicole really is lucky to have a supportive wife and 2 daughters who all know about her. I heard some of the highlights of their trip and a few of the things they did I have done before when I was on vacation there but a few others I haven’t and want to. I really want to do another Susan Vacations but it may have to wait till next year when I go to Diva Las Vegas again.

Melissa showed up tonight also, I had told her at Wednesday night dinner Nicole and her daughter were here last Saturday on their way and I think show was hoping they would stop by tonight. The 4 of us sat and talked and yes Nicole’s daughter was right in the conversation and yes, we did ask when she found out about Nicole and what she thought and it seemed to be no big deal to her. I give her a lot of credit for being that supportive and open minded. It was a little later and Michele also showed up so we had 5 of us tonight well 5 counting Nicole’s daughters. Now it was not busy at all here tonight. There were 5 women at the next table and a couple at the bar and our group maybe 15 people. The good thing was it was very quiet so it was perfect for talking. We really weren’t watching the TV as the sport tonight that had on was ultimate fighting and none of us were really into that. It is funny though as I am not a basketball or football fan and never watch it at home but I do watch it as Susan when I am out. Who would have thought years ago I would be in a bar dressed as Susan watching sports? I guess everything is more fun when you are female.

Well 9 pm came and it was time for Karaoke and there was still only 12 to 15 here including our group of 5. The lady running Karaoke sang a song to start it off and then waited for someone to come sing. Between 9 and 9:45 I think there were only 6 songs sang, 2 by the lady doing karaoke and 2 by another guy and then 2 others. I was actually tempted to sing tonight as there were so few people here but I didn’t have a song to do. I think I will have to practice a song and have it ready incase we have another slow night here. I tried to get Nicole’s daughter to sing and she said she would sing right after me so it would have been fun if I could have done a song tonight. It is hard to explain why I can’t get up the courage to sing. Ii will go pretty much any place as Susan and not care what people think but I am worried what they will think if I try to sing a song. Same goes for dancing, I look foolish when I dance. It is strange how the mind works.

It was about 9:30 when Nicole and her daughter left for home as they still have about a 2-hour drive and somewhere on the way Nicole will stop and change back from being Nicole, as she never comes or goes from her house as Nicole as they don’t want their neighbors to know. I also remember those days where I would not leave till it was dark and all my neighbors were inside or I would put on my clothes with a big coat over them, sunglasses on to hid my eye and the visor pulled down and hair on the car seat nest to me and I would leave and then stop in a parking lot and take the coat off, put my hair on and then my lipstick. We all find a way eventually to get out as who we are. It was sad to see them leave but I will see Nicole again and maybe, just maybe her daughter will accompany her again on one of her visits. It is funny as we did ask what she thought about Nicole but I wanted to ask her what her thoughts were on the rest of us.

It was about 9:40 when Melissa and Michele left and as I said it was really slow here tonight still only about 15 people but as it was close to 10 and I was almost sure Lauri would be here I decided to wait so I could see her also. She is our late-night girl and shows up between 9:45 and 10. She actually got her about 9:45 about 5 minutes after the others left. It was nice to see her again and talk to her a little. She may not be out next Saturday as she is planning on going downtown to the Portland Blues festival. We talked a little before I went and paid my bill, the good thing about being slow is I didn’t have to wait to pay my bill. It was probably 10:15 or so when I called it a night and left for home. It was a really fun night.

Thanks for reading and be sure and check out my most recent blog to see what is new in my life.

July 4, 2019 Posted by | Escape Bar & Grill | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Saturday at the Escape

It is Saturday and tonight is the Rose Festival Starlight parade so I am not sure how many will be out at the Escape and the downtown area will be packed. But I am still going out. Now I do have to share a funny story, as you all know I have had acrylic nails now for over a year and probably for the last 6 months I have had a clear pink that in certain light does look pinkish. Well really no one has really said anything about them accept for the occasional “you nails look really nice” well yesterday I went and got my hair cut not as Susan as this is a male thing I do as I keep my hair short and it really needed to be done. Well the lady who cuts my hair is really nice and after my hair cut as I was paying her she noticed my nails. Well instead of your nails look nice what she said was wow I really love that color. Now I know there is a slight color to them but this is the first time someone has mentioned the color. I thanked her and then she followed with “you know what would look good you can fade the end into a white, not as much as French tip but a faded one, (name of other lady working there) has the same thing and it looks beautiful although hers are a lot longer”. Now this really caught me off guard as I really would like to do that but as I have seen this nail look and it is pretty, here is a picture of what it looks like but I just smiled and said this was enough for now. Now I must have said it a little fast as she apologized and said she hope she hadn’t offended me and I assured her she had not and it was fine. I guess I was just not prepared for someone to recommend how I could do my nails, next time I will handle it better. Now I am looking forward to my next haircut.

Anyway, back to Saturday and it was a busy day as I had things I had to do so it was after 5 when I got home and started getting ready so I will not be there by my usual 5:30. I took my time getting ready even though I knew I was running late and even still I was ready by a little after 6 and on my way. I got to the Escape at 6:30 and as I was waiting for traffic I noticed the parking lot was full so I debated about just going and finding a parking spot on the street but a saw someone come out and get in a car so I was going to luck out. Now there was a lot of traffic and by the time a break came and I could pull into the parking lot 3 cars had left and one more was backing out. I got here at the perfect time and got to park right in front of the door. I went in and all the tables were empty with just a few people at the bar. I sat down at our table and got my computer out and ordered dinner.

Now I had only been here a few minutes and Robyn showed up and right after her was Michelle. I talked with Robyn for a little bit and she showed me her heels she had just bought, very cute and high. My dinner came so I ate and Robyn and Michelle ordered the same thing, yes it was a hamburger so if I do go Sunday I will have to find something else.

Jan, Lynn, Kearren, Kate and one other girl showed up so we had 8 of us here and it was only a little after 7, this was great. Jan, Lynn and I talked about next Saturday as we are going to a gun range, Jan and Lynn are certified instructors and rent a gun range for the day and invite our members to go and shoot some guns and also give them some training if needed. They have done this for the last 5 years I think but this is the first year I am able to go so I am really looking forward to it. Now I know the bun issue is a hot topic right now but this is not meant to be a political issue it is just some girls getting together for some target practice and a picnic and some girl time with friends. If you like guns you can go if you don’t like them you don’t have to go it is just another group activity.

I got to talk with Kearren and Kate a little. Now Wednesday night at Dinner Kate was showing me some of her pictures from Diva Las Vegas and one has me in the background. I kind of think I photo bombed her on this although she is off to one side so maybe she was trying to get both of us in it but it was just such a cute picture I asked her if I could post it on my blog and she said yes. I always like to ask if I can post a picture if others are in it as I think it is the right thing to do.

Now there was a smaller crowd here tonight and a lot of them were people I hadn’t seen her before or just don’t remember but it was still fun and everyone was great as always. The Escape really is a great place to go and very excepting of everyone. Son it w as 9 and Karaoke started. It is hard to talk once the singing starts but still fun to listen to and sing along with the songs you know. Now again there were a lot of songs I didn’t know would even say I had never heard before. Is that a sign I am getting old?

Lauri showed up at her usual 9:45, I kid her a lot about being our late-night girl but I remember when I never went out till it was dark. I don’t think that is her reason though as I just think she is busy and doesn’t get a chance to get out earlier. I got to talk with her a little also so we had a total of 9 girls out tonight. It was a little after 11 when I called it a night and paid my bill. It is always sad to see the evening come to an end. I am hoping to get to go out Sunday late afternoon and evening for a few hours as I really look forward to my Starbuck’s time and I am now 2 blogs behind, Wednesday night dinner at Hobo’s and now Saturday night. The funny thing is I like going out as Susan to write my blogs but if I always do this I never get caught up as Sunday I will go out and do my blogs for the previous times but then I will need to find time to write my blog about Sunday at Starbucks.

I also realize a lot of my blogs may be repetitive in nature as I do and go the same places and I am glad so many people read them which I never thought people would but I really use this to document my time as Susan, my life as Susan, where I go, what I do and who is there, kind of my personal diary which I am happy to share. This is my 1075th blog post which means I have been out as Susan at least that many times. So hard to believe as 10 years ago I was happy if I could get out a couple times a year. I really do owe a lot to my friends that have helped me over the years.

Thanks for reading and being part of my life and be sure to keep up with Susan on my most recent blog.

June 4, 2018 Posted by | Escape Bar & Grill, Out and about as Susan | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Saturday night at the Escape, yes, I get to go tonight.

It is Saturday and I had 2 things going on today so I wasn’t planning on being able to go out tonight. Well luck was with me and 1 got canceled and the other one got over early so I found myself at home a little after 3 with the rest of the day open. You guessed it I will be going out tonight, I started getting ready for a fun night out. Now I didn’t know for sure who all would be there other than Cassandra who posted in the group and Nicole who texted mew, she drove down from Seattle today just to go out with us. I was ready by about 5:20 and on my way getting to the Escape a little before 6. They were a little busy for as early as it was and also the two big tables were reserved for a party at 9. Now I debated about sitting there till 9 but decided to take the 3 small tables that were pulled together. They are taller with bar stools with no backs so not as comfortable but I was worried that come 9 we might not find a table to move to and it was the right decision.

I got my computer out and ordered dinner, I didn’t have much time on my computer as Cassandra showed up just a few minutes later followed by Nicole and Kimberly. Yes, we had 4 of us out by shortly after 6. We started talking and of course the first thing was Diva Las Vegas. We have made our plans now and Cassandra, Peggy and I will leave Friday morning and drive to Palm Springs to meet up with Julie and Trixie. Saturday Cassandra, Julie and I will drive to Las Vegas for Diva Las Vegas leaving Peggy to spend the week with Trixie. After Diva Las Vegas on Saturday we the 3 of us will drive back to Palm Springs drop off Julie and pick up Peggy and Sunday drive home, Road trip for Susan. This will save us a Friday and Saturday night in Las Vegas which are the most expensive, so instead of 9 nights it will only be 7 nights and should save us some money plus we get to spend more time with both Peggy’s and Julie.

We also talked about our Mexican Cruise in October which really is not that far off. We are all looking forward to it. I have never been on a cruise before so it will not only be a first for Susan but a first for me all the way around plus as we are planning on flying as our female selves that will also be a first. I am sitting right across the aisle from Julie and Cassandra so that will be fun. I am pretty sure that Kate, Mellissa and her wife are also on the same flight. It will be so much fun.

About 7:30 it started to get busy and I was glad I got the tables I did. Kate showed up as did Laura M, Jan & Lynn and one other girl from our group so we had 9 of us here tonight. Now they actually had to big parties here tonight so by 9 it was packed and everyone was having a great time. It is nice as we have got to know some of the regulars here so I was talking with a few of them also. It really was an enjoyable evening. Kimberly was the first to leave followed by Nicole as she had a 3-hour drive home.

Karaoke started and they had a different KJ tonight and she was really good also. Seems all the KJ’s for Karaoke can sing really well. It was a really fun night and I stayed out till 10:30 before calling it a night. Now I am actually on vacation this week but I have a lot of things I need to do so my Susan time will be a little limited. But on the top of my list is to try and get my Passport application turned in. I have been meaning to do that since December.

Thanks for reading and be sure to keep up with what I am doing as Susan in my most recent blog.

March 4, 2018 Posted by | Escape Bar & Grill | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Tried out Sweethome Bar and Grill

As our group is still looking for places to go last night I checked out Sweethome Bar & grill on Lombard, Rachel whom we met at the P-Club facebooked me and told me about the place and that the owner told her our group was welcome to come there. Now this was kind of a first for Susan as I knew some of our groups regular Friday nighters would not be out and the only response to my post about going there was a couple maybes. So going in I realized it could be just Susan there for the night as I wasn’t even sure Rachel who recommended it would be there.

I got there at 7:30 and they have a really small lot so found a parking spot on the street nearby. Now I am pretty comfortable walking into places as Susan but walking into a bar by yourself is always a little intimidating even for a GG (genetic girl). As I walked up I saw Rachel sitting at a table outside, actually she saw me first and came over and gave me a hug before I even got there. I guess I am a little easier to recognize from a distant.

Rachel introduced me to a couple of the people outside including Danielle, Yes this blonde can remember her name as I have met her also at the P-Club. Rachel also took me inside to show me around and introduced me to the staff and this blonde is horrible with names but all were nice and supportive of our group. I even met the owner Paul who really made me feel welcome and assured me our group was always welcome there.

Rachel, Danielle and I sat and talked and yes a lot was about the P-Club, they thought what happened to our group was wrong and were very supportive of us which is always nice to hear. I also got to know them a lot better and both are wonderful. Cristine did show up about 8:30 which was nice as I was not the only T-girl there now.

It is smaller on the inside maybe the size of the pool area at P-Club or just a little bigger. They have one pool table .50 a game and a good food selection and good prices equal to or cheaper than the P-Club. They have a small parking lot but easy street parking. A really nice friendly neighbor hood bar. They also do Karaoke on Friday nights. They have a group of about 10 to 15 girls that come every Friday for Karaoke and a few regulars they know will be there. Even some of the regulars came over and talked; now we will test my memory. Heather I think was her name came over and told me how cute my heels were and yes they were my favorite pair at least when I am not walking or standing a lot. We chatted for a few minutes and she seemed really nice and not at all bothered with us being there. Miz also came over to talk with us and told us how nice we looked; she even wished she had worn a dress after seeing us.

Cristine and I played a couple games of pool and wow tonight was not my night. I could not sink a ball to save my life so there is no need to tell you who won. A couple more of Rachel’s friends showed up, Heather and her friend Josh so of course they joined us and we had a nice conversation with them. It was a fun night and no one really gave us a second look. I would guess there were probably 25 people there last night.

Cristine left about midnight and I went and stayed about 20 minutes more talking with Heather and Rachel and thanked Rachel for letting me know about this place. On the way out several of the customers said goodbye and hoped they would see me back again. Even the owner thanked me for coming and again assured me our group was more than welcome to come there.

It was a nice fun evening.

Well I should have a little more time this next week for Susan so hopefully I will be able to blog a little more. Thanks for reading.

August 11, 2012 Posted by | Out and about as Susan | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments


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