Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

First Saturday of 2018 at the Escape

It is the first Saturday of 2018 and I am able to go out and meet my friends at the Escape tonight, a great way to start the new year, this is also my 1,000 blogs. I started getting ready early with the hopes of being there by 6, thing went well and I was ready to leave by 5:30, I also mixed it up and chose my long dark brown hair tonight, I was just in the mood for a change. I got to the Escape just a little before 6 and with my computer in had I went in. I always bring my computer so I can do some work as I wait for others to show up. Well Turns out Kearren was already there. It was nice as it gave us a chance to talk.

Kearren and I talked a lot about our feelings on our dressing and why we do it which I am always happy to tell people however I can only speak for myself and how I feel so in no way relate this to everyone. I always start of as it is not a sexual thing for me as so many people think that is why. Wanting to cross-dress is an expression of who you are and not who you want to have sex with. For me it is just so relaxing and calming, I get to just be myself without hiding anything and I think that is the most important thing. In my male life I always feel like I have to hide part of who I am and that can be really hard. When I am out I am not really thinking about how I am dressed or the fact I am dressed as a female and I guess the best way to explain that is when you go out are you focused on how you are dressed or on what you are doing and the people you are with. For me being out I am just being me, yes, every once in a while, I see my long hair in my face, or feel my lipstick but as for the rest of the makeup I don’t even think about it on my face as I can’t see or feel it. The other thing is it is a great way to relieve stress and any problems I am having as for a few hours I am Susan and I don’t think about work or things going on in my male side of my life. Kearren has a lot of the same feelings but she is still working through them which is hard. I have had these feelings for as long as I can remember and it took me a long time to figure out who I am and what I want in life and how Susan fits in.

Nicole also showed up tonight what a wonderful surprise. She lives up North and doesn’t get to Portland that often but it is always great when she does. Maybe one of these times we will have to try to get together and go shopping. Any way her wife and here are on vacation and she stopped here to go out with us, yes, her wife knows and is supportive. I keep hoping she will come out with Nicole sometime and meet the group. Anyway, her wife bought her a bunch of the Kiss nails we use, well I use to before I started getting my nails done. It was a trade off as I don’t have long pretty red nails when I go out but I have nice pretty nails just a little long all the time. I wrote about these nail tip in a blog a few years back. So, Nicole tried it tonight and the nails didn’t stay on, seems I left one thing out of my blog, you need clean dry nails, Nicole put them on after she had put moisturizer on so her nails were oily. If you want to use this method just before you put the nails on clean and dry them, some girls use hot water I always used a cotton ball with alcohol or polish remover. If you do this the nails will stay on. By the way Nicole loved the nails before they fell off and I think once she wears them for an evening she will always want them. It is funny as I really do love all the parts about being Susan but the long pretty nails are at the top of the list.

Cassandra showed up next also Melissa, Kate one of our new girls Victoria and her girlfriend Maria. They came to the Halloween party but I think this was here first night out in public. She also lives about an hour from Portland which makes it hard. It was nice as we had a nice sized group which is always fun although harder to talk with everyone. The bar was not really busy tonight but still a nice crowd. Karaoke started and that is fun but it also gets loud and harder to talk and that is when some of the girls start to leave. It is funny as 6 – 8 years ago we didn’t even go out till 9 or 10 and we usually closed down the bar now we go out at 6 – 7 and by 9 or 10 we are ready to call it a night. Nicole was the first to leave but she will be back in a couple weeks so that will be fun, Then Melissa and Victoria and her girlfriend left. Lorie and another girl showed up just as they were leaving, they are still our late-night girls. Some of the girls played pool and the rest of us sat and talked and listened to the Karaoke

A girl and guy came over and the girl started talking to us, well with the noise it was hard to hear her and she was hard to understand, yes Saturday night in the bar and a few drinks can do that to you but we finally figured out the guy was new in town and wanted to meet us so we invited him to sit down and he took the seat next to me. Now I talked with him for a while and he seems really nice, He moved up here from San Diego. Well it turns out he is a T-girl admirer well maybe a little more than admirer. I was suddenly aware of how I was dressed. Now tonight I wore a dress that was very nice and almost knee length and I was glad as one time I felt his hand on my leg and now I was trying to pull my dress lower. Any way he told me all about the clubs down there and well shall we say the working girls. Now I know this goes on in the Transgender community and I am probably sure some of the girls in our group play around and that is fine as I don’t judge. But as I said earlier this is not a sexual thing for me. Any way as we talked I took it upon myself to tell him about me as he thought I was fulltime and on hormones which I guess is a compliment as it means I looked good. But I told him I was not on hormones and just dressed this way a couple times a week and of course that I was not interested in men. He was fine with that although I could see he was a little disappointed. This doesn’t happen often to me and I still feel very uneasy when it does but I guess all woman deal with this at some point, just part of being a girl. But as I said while he was there talking with me I was very aware of how I was dressed. Anyway, he asked about the other girls at the table and our group and tonight was a rare night as of the girls that were here 3 were married and 5 had girlfriends, it was just Lorie and I that are single. He seemed surprised by this as he is use to the more sexual part of the Transgender community and I guess maybe we are the exception, but are group is about social aspect and getting girls to go out. Like is said I am sure this also goes on here in Portland but as our City is so accepting there really isn’t 1 club in town where all the Transgender go, we pretty much go where we want so that may b e hard for him here.

Well he talked with e and some of the other girls for about 30 minutes, seems longer before he left for the night. Now he seemed nice enough but still this is the one thing I will never get use to being Susan although I am getting better at it. I guess it is not all fun and roses being a girl. I will say so far; every time this has happened though the man understood and didn’t push it with me which is nice.

It was a fun night and it was almost 11 when I called it a night. I am hoping to make it out to Wednesday night dinner this week.

Thanks for reading, it was a little longer blog than I normally write. Be sure and keep up with my latest blog as Susan.

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January 7, 2018 - Posted by | Escape Bar & Grill, Out and about as Susan

2 Comments »

  1. Hey Susan, congratulations on your 1,000th blog. Intresting how you related to the guy that tried it on. I am very much the same, have never had any interest in men when dressed! That is so awesome getting to 1,000 (I think I have ‘stopped’ at 98 or something like that). You are very good at what you do. Take a trip outside, write a blog. Spend some girly time. write a blog. I wish you (and yours) a very Happy and healthy New year. Have fun in 2018. Hugs TinaCortina xx

    Comment by TinaCortina | January 10, 2018 | Reply

  2. Congratulations Susan on your 1000th blog. That is quite a milestone I reckon. I hope I’m still around to read your 2000th.

    It fascinates me how people relate to each other and how you cope so well with advances. You are a fabulous ambassadoress for our community.

    I hope you have a marvellous 2018. Stay safe and have fun.

    Hugs Anna. xx

    Comment by Anna Arendt | January 11, 2018 | Reply


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