Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

The week is over and time finally some time for Susan

Well another long and busy week on my male side and no time for Susan till tonight. It is funny the change that comes over me when I get time for Susan, a calming happy feeling. Now I am not saying I am not happy in my male life but there is something about being Susan that makes everything good. We all have that one or two things in our lives that we love to do and look forward and can’t wait till we can do it and it makes us so happy when we can, well for me that is being Susan. No matter what is going on in my life being Susan makes it better.

I started getting ready which always puts me in a good mood as I so love transforming myself to female. it is fun to try different looks with makeup. over the last year I have really been working on my eye makeup and I think I am getting pretty good at it and the look I like. I have also been working on my lips, it is amazing how the way you draw your lips in can have a subtle change in the way you look, fuller lips make a difference if done right. Last week I tried using 2 different colors of foundation, light and dark to contour my face and I think it does make a Susan Miller at Sweet Home 2-5-2016 (1)difference so I was going to do that again tonight. Like I said I love playing with makeup. I started with my moms lipstick when I was probably 5. I just loved it, I really never thought about dressing till I was probably 12 or so. It is a shame men can’t wear makeup as that would be so awesome.

I got to Sweethome just as it started to rain really hard. Now as a guy rain really doesn’t bother me but Susan does not like getting wet. I was lucky enough to get a parking spot not far from the door but it really was raining hard so I had to use my umbrella. Now comes the challenging part, Getting out of the car gracefully in a dress and heels while holding an umbrella and also a purse and computer bag. Not easy to do and yet most woman make it look so easy but than they have had years of practice. This is something I will have to work on.

I got into Sweethome and Chris was there playing pool as always. Now last Sunday Sweethome closed for the day to remodel so I was looking forward to seeing it. they did a nice job, new curtains and new paint and even new tables and chairs. it really does look nice inside. I was glad the old bar stools were gone as I ripped so many pairs of pantyhose on them I can’t count. The new stools were really nice and had backs on them. The tables were rectangle and narrow though and only 4 people can sit at them. A lot easier to talk to the people at the table but the old tables were octangle so we could fit 5 around it really easy and if needed we could squeeze in 2 or 3 more. I ordered dinner and got out my computer to catch up on some work.

Roxy showed up a little while later and shortly after her Rachael. Rachael has been getting out more over the last few months which is really nice as she is awesome, She is one of the friends I have known the longest that I still have contact with. I really do have some wonderful friend. Alice who I met probably in 1999 or 2000 and really helped me start going out, she doesn’t get to Portland much any more but we keep in touch through e-mail. Rachel I have known for since probably 2004 or 2005. Cassandra who I met in 2006 or 2007 and got me to join her Susan Miller at Sweet Home 2-5-2016 (3)Yahoo group which really changed my life, and all the wonderful people I have met since. It is funny as my best friends are friends of Susan and are more like family.

Rachael and I got to sit and talk which was nice. she just got back from a vacation and was telling me all about it and even had some pictures. It looks like she had a wonderful time and the pictures were awesome, I would love to go there sometime. I would love to do some traveling either as my male self or even as Susan, I think as Susan would be more fun though. These are a few selphies I took.

The other group that comes here started to show up for Karaoke and they are a fun group. I have actually become friends with several of them and look forward to seeing them on Fridays also and talking with them. I love my family in our group but there is something special about having friends from outside our group or the Transgender community. When you can do that you really start to feel you fit in and are no different from anyone else and I thank them for making me and my friends feel welcome. It was good to see them Angie, Heather, Mareinna and Dawni.

Susan Miller at Sweet Home 2-5-2016 (2)Now there was one guy here tonight who kept looking at me which always makes me wonder what they are thinking. well it turns out while I was taking a few of my selphies he got behind me in one, I didn’t even notice till I was looking at the picture. I am still not use to men paying attention to me.

Karaoke was going and Chris had sang once but it was getting late so Chris and Rachael both left just before 11. I was going to pay my bill and leave also but Dawni came over and we started talking which I enjoy. We have talked many times over the last year or so but tonight we really had a good conversation and I knew it would be as she started off with I hope I don’t offend you. I really think people want to ask honest question and know more about the Transgender communality but are too worried about being politically correct. I will tell you all the same thing I told her, You can not offend me with an honest sincere question. I may tell you I don’t want to answer a particular question but I will never be offended if you truly are interested and not trying to make fun of me or other transgender people so ask away.

We got into sexuality which transgender really has nothing to do with, How ones dresses or presents themselves is about ones self images and who they are on the inside not about who they want to date or have sex with. I myself am transgender in the fact I feel I am more feminine then male, I am more comfortable as a female then male. I would love to spend more time as Susan if I could maybe even live most of my life as Susan if money was not an issue. I do not feel my body is wrong though, I do not want to change it well maybe get rid of the hair on my face and body. I think that is how you know if you should transition or not. I always tell people if I did transition I would still be a crossdresser as there would be times I would crossdress back to male. now one of my funny stories, the guy in the above picture who photo bombed me came over and sat at my table across from me while I was talking to Dawni who was standing nest to me so I only saw him out of the corner of my eye. Any way I was talking with Dawni so I didn’t pay to much attention to him but he sat there for a few minutes looking right at me, Seemed a lot longer. finally he got up and almost fell as he walked away. Dawni and I carried on our conversation. I explained that I was straight only attracted to female. The way i explained this is although I have no problem with my male body there is also nothing I find attractive or appealing about the male body. I do not like body hair on anyone especially myself. I like soft skin and the feminine form. I think most crossdressers try to emulate what they find appealing about the opposite sex. Most men when they look at a woman the first thing the notice are their breast, butt and legs. me the first things I notice is their makeup especially lipstick and eyes and then their nails, then comes cloths, heels and hair. Now I am not saying a woman hast to wear makeup to be beautiful or heels or nails as I know many wonderful and beautiful woman don’t but it is what I find appealing and catches my eye first, that first impression if you will. Wow got a little off on that. Dawni and I talked a good 15 minutes and it was nice.

Susan Miller at Sweet Home 2-5-2016 (4)Well it was now a little after 11 and I was going to leave when Samantha walked in so I decided to stay a little longer. Now the same guy from the picture above came back over and stood right in front of use and stuck out his hand as if he wanted to shake my hand but he almost fell over again and stumbled away again. I could tell he wanted to talk to me and I am not sure what he was thinking, did he think I was female, was he gay and thought I was gay was he just to drunk to know the difference. I will never know but as I said I am not interested in men and still feel uncomfortable in these situations.

Samantha was playing pool and another man came over and introduced himself to me as Larry and started talking to me. He even offered to buy me a drink which I politely declined as one I was getting ready to go but also I did not want to give him the wrong impression. We talked for about 10 minutes and he told me about what he did for a living, where he lived and I could tell he was interested in me which again made me feel a little uneasy but I guess that is part of being a girl. He seemed really nice and then he want up and sighed up to sing karaoke before coming back to talk with me some more. He asked me what music I liked and if I like country music, he even said he was thinking of asking me to dance. well I am not a dancer and I really didn’t want to dance with a man so I again politely told him I was not a dancer. Again I don’t know if he was straight or not and what he thought about me. It is funny as I really would like to know in these situations if they are looking at me as a female or as a man dressed as a female. Well we talked a few more minutes before he went back to his friends.

I went and paid my bill and then said goodbye to my friends here before I left just before midnight. it was a fun and interesting evening though.

Thanks for reading and I know this was a little longer than normal so if you ready the whole thing wow thanks.

February 6, 2016 Posted by | Sweethome, Thoughts on Crossdressing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment


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