Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Friday night on my own but not really on my own.

Well it has been a long and busy week and I was ready for some relaxing time as Susan. Now I knew Chris wouldn’t be out tonight so I wasn’t really sure who would be or even if anyone from the group would be out but that didn’t change my mind about going. My plan was to go to Sweethome and have dinner as I haven’t eaten yet and see if anyone shows up. I got all dressed and yes I took my time to enjoy the whole experience of becoming Susan. I got to Sweethome a little before 7 and went in. there were only a few people there and none from our group but as we have been coming here for several years I do know some of the regulars.

Rachel was here playing video poker, I have known her for maybe 5 years as we met when our group started going to the P-club and she is one of the reasons we come to Sweethome now. Any way we got talking about the Oregon Court of Appeals upholding our judgement against the P-Club and Chris Penner. It was a difficult thing our group went through and I have been asked by a few people why it was such a big issue and with all the places that would accept us like Sweethome, Harvey’s Comedy Club, Escape Bar and Grill and so many other why we didn’t just take our money somewhere else? The funny thing is I would have been one of those people saying that 5 years ago if this had happened to someone else. You really need to experience it and live through it. So I thought I would take a moment to explain how I felt and why I decided to get involved and before you ask no it was not about money as we all thought we would be lucky to get 5 or 10 thousand as a whole group and most of that would go to our attorney. Our main reason was to get it out there to people and businesses that there are laws that protect people and you can’t break them.

Now when I first herd we were not to come back to the P-club my first thought was why as we had never caused a problem. We went there spent money and had fun, we supported his business and him financially. Then I started feeling the guilt that I was less than everyone else that I wasn’t as important or good as other people and that is a horrible feeling. That we were maybe second class citizens and no one should feel that way. Everyone matters in life and now with the elections going on I see a lot of people attacking people on the other side and some of it is really nasty and that is wrong. People can disagree with you and your view but they still have the right to their views as long as they respect your views. It is called tolerance. Now I felt bad for a period of time about being told not to came back and eventually I started to get mad about it and don’t get me wrong it has been over 3 years and I still feel hurt and sad about being asked not to come back. What was hard is we had met some really wonderful people here and we looked forward to seeing them and playing pool and shuffle board with them on Friday nights also.

Yes we would go out as a group but there was a big part of being social and interacting with others from outside our group that made the whole thing complete. The support we get from our group and friends is wonderful and I can’t imagine no having it but when you meet people from outside your group that accepts you well that is just an incredible feeling and makes you feel you are indeed an equal part of society. Now as I said I met Rachel and Danielle here at the P-club and am still friends with them as they also go to Sweethome but there are many people I met here that I did consider friends, we would talk on Fridays and play games together but as I was still private about the other side of my life and who he was I didn’t give out a lot of information. Once I could not go back there I had no way to get ahold of these friends and so I lost some friends during this because of Chris Penner’s actions and that was really hurtful.

The main reason for fighting this as I said was to let businesses know they can’t discriminate. People say it was just one business but it really isn’t. There are many people out there that have feelings or beliefs about this and many things and they are entitled to them but they do not have the right to treat me unfairly because of them. If one business can get away with this then others will follow. Yes we will always have places we can go but we should not be limited or have to check and do research to figure out where we can and can’t go. It is not about special right but equal rights under the law and that is why I got involved. Wow a little more wordy than I planned s back to tonight.

Well I got out my computer and went on line while I waited for my dinner to arrive. Caught up on some e-mails and then went into the chat room. Now I figured I would stay till 9 in case any other girls showed up. Heather showed up, she is one of the many wonderful people I have met here at the bar so we talked for a little while, she is really awesome as she hugs everyone so I always get a hug from her which just makes you feel good inside. It is funny as woman are freer to hug people where men are not and that is a shame.

Rachel finished playing the video poker and did well so she cashed in and then came and sat with me so we could talk more. A couple of her friends also joined us, Ashley and her wife Shannon who were just awesome. The 4 of us sat and talked and I got to know Ashley and Shannon and about their lives and their daughters. Another one of Rachel’s friends came over I think his name was Jeff. It was a really fun time. Most of the time I wasn’t even aware of how I was dressed or that I was Susan verses my male self I was just me ad that is an awesome feeling.

I was chatting online with a young crossdresser who has been asking questions which I am always happy to answer but she was concerned with passing and being as realistic as possible and I told her how hard that is even for a Transsexual who has transitioned. For me passing and being realistic is what happened tonight. I was out with friends enjoying a fun night and I kept forgetting I was not out as the gender I was born into. I was me and they accepted me as me. Yes they knew the truth but it didn’t matter to them I was a person and that is what passing is all about. And am lucky to be able to do this and have such awesome friends to spend time with.

Well so much for my leaving at 9 as I was having so much fun before I knew it, it was after 10:30. Well I said my goodbyes to my friends and went to pay my bill and saw Monica and Raven at the bar so I guess some of my group came in and I just didn’t notice so I stopped and talked to them for a while before paying my bill.

While I paid my bill the lady sitting at the bar started talking to me. Her name was Leah. She said she had seen me and my friends in here several times and always wanted to talk to me so I stopped and we chatted for a few minutes. She seemed really nice. It was a good night out. Just as I was leaving Joan also came in s I chatted briefly with her before heading out.

Thanks for reading. And remember we are all different and that is okay as long as we respect each other and treat each other with dignity.

September 26, 2015 - Posted by | Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. Hi Susan, I really enjoy reading your blog as you are so real and honest. I am very happy that you are able to be yourself even if it is not all day or every day. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

    Comment by Marilyn Lowles | September 26, 2015 | Reply

  2. Thanks Susan. That was a really good post.

    Comment by Charlene Peterson. | September 26, 2015 | Reply

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