Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Well it is another Friday night and time to go out with my friends.

Well it has been a long week again and so as always I am ready for a fun relaxing night out with my friends. It really is good to have something in your life you enjoy and look forward o as I think it really helps one stay happy. I started getting ready about 5 as I wanted to take a little more time as I do enjoy getting ready but also I wanted to try another Smokey eye look, I have usually stayed away from the darker eye shadows as I thought brighter colors worked better but there is just something about a Smokey eye look that I like. Now working with darker colors does take some practice but I think I am getting better at it. This is a picture from tonight although not close enough to get a good look at the eye makeup. This is me, Michelle and Melissa.

Well I was ready to leave my place buy 6:40 so an hour and 40 minutes getting ready a lot different than my male self who can get up, shower dress and be out the door in 20 minutes but way more enjoyable, there is just something relaxing about getting ready. Now traffic was good tonight so it only took me 20 minutes to get there. Cassandra, Chris, Cristine, Bobby and Laura were already there. We all talked for a while and then ordered dinner. Well as always it wasn’t long and more girls started to show up. Melissa, Michelle, Jan, Lynn, Petra and Kelly, Kelly brought 2 new girls, Alison and Lana (I think). It is always nice to meet new people especially new t-girls. I got to talk with both of hem some and get to know a little about them. Lana just moved to Portland a couple weeks ago and Alison is just starting her transition. Hopefully they will join our group and come out more. That is the great thing about our group as we have members from part time crossdressers to those who have fully transitioned and everyplace in between. It was also good to see Kelly out again, she doesn’t get out as much with the group. It was just turning into a fun night.

I got a chance to talk with Michelle, she has been really busy with work and other things so her Michelle time has been limited so it was great to talk and catch up. It is funny as we were talking and both agree how much happier our lives are now that we have come to terms with our dressing. I really think that what makes so many people and not just t-girls unhappy is the fact they have things in their lives they don’t like or wish they could change but can’t. Once you realize this and accept it life becomes so much easier. Most crossdressers go through life feeling guilty or ashamed about how they feel and the need to crossdress and many quit or try to quit when in reality we can’t as it is part of who we are. Now I am not saying it is impossible to quit being a crossdresser but even if one stops the feelings, and desire to crossdress never goes away. An example is Ice Cream, I love Ice cream but I can go without it, not buy it or eat it but when I see it in the store I will think about it and how good it is and that feeling of wanting it comes back. But if it has been a long time since I bought ice cream then when I do I tend to over eat it and the container is empty in a day or two. Now I know this is a very basic comparison and some may feel I am trivializing crossdressing and I am sorry if it comes across this way but in the same way if you deny yourself of crossdressing when you do finally give in and crossdress again it will consume you for a while as you have all this need and desire to catch up on. I really think accepting it as part of who you are and then making time for that part of your life is the best and in the long run makes a happier and healthier person. I use to tell myself I could stop if I wanted to and if I met the right girl I would but you can’t as it is part of who you are. It is a contradiction when you think about it, many women fall in love with a man for who they are but when they find out about their crossdressing they demand they quit when in reality they are telling them to quit doing something that has shaped their lives and made them the person they fell in love with and without that side they would not be the same person they fell in love with. I really am blessed now as my girlfriend met me as Susan and is totally accepting of this side of me. It is hard but you need to find someone that will accept you for who you are and that is the only way a relationship will work. Wow got a little off track there.

Well Michelle ran into one of her neighbors on her way out of her apartment and just walked by and said hi. It is funny as she was saying a year ago she would have run back inside and hid as most of us would have done. A year ago I would carefully look out my windows before leaving and make sure no one was out and if they were I would wait sometimes as much as an hour now the only ones I am worried about are the neighbor kids but pretty much just get in the car and go. Same way coming home I use to worry the neighbors might be out and on a few occasions I had to turn around and drive away when they were outside so they wouldn’t see me and now I almost wish they would be outside to see me come home. A couple of them know about me and I am sure they have seen my pictures online so they do know what I look like but they have never met Susan in person. Barb, Melissa and now Michelle have all run into one of their neighbors in person in the last few months, I am sure that at some point I will come home when they are out and maybe they will get to meet Susan.

Well we talked more some about Diva Las Vegas and a lot about Halloween, Cassandra and Peggy are planning their big Halloween party and we are all looking forward to it. That means I have to figure out a costume soon. I don’t want to wear one of my old costumes again one of the differences between my male and female self. My male side would have no problem wearing the same costume again but not Susan.

Well it was a fun night, I even played a game of pool and won but as always it went so fast and soon it was after 1 am so we all went up and paid our bills and called it a night. Thanks for reading and have a great weekend.

September 21, 2013 Posted by | Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment


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