Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Being positive and looking for the bright side of things when they go wrong.

Well this is not my normal blog as normally I write about my life as Susan and I have never really included a blog about my male side but I felt I needed to. People always tell me how relaxed and stress free I am both on my male and female side and that is really because of my feminine side and my ability to be Susan. The other thing I always hear is how positive I am and that is also true. I always try to see the positive side of everything including people, I look for the good and I do not dwell on the bad. I believe there is not point worrying about things that may or may not happen and things I cannot control. Now I am not saying things never get to me or bother me but I get over them pretty easy and put them behind me. This is my advice for today as there is almost always a positive side to everything. So here is why I say this.

I ran out of my favorite perfume this past weekend and I needed to get more as Susan always likes to smell nice and normally I would go shopping as Susan but was unable to work it into her schedule so it was up to my male self and as I had Christmas shopping to do I was ready. I only had to work part of the day on Tuesday so this was the perfect opportunity. The perfume I like is Britney Spears Fantasy and yes probably more for young girls but I like it, the only problem is the only place I have been able to find it is at Wal-Mart on 82nd Ave. in Portland so that was where I went first.

I got to Wal-Mart and started picking up some things I needed before heading over to the cosmetic area. Now this time of year even a man can shop the woman’s section or cosmetics area but I did want to make that the last things I got. I finally made it over to the cosmetic section and found the perfume section and they have it locked up behind glass. There was another man standing there so I asked if he was waiting and he told me someone had gone to find someone with the key. So I stood and waited and it took forever or at least seemed to be forever. Another employee walked by so I asked her and was told the same thing she would send someone with the key so again we waited. Finally the other man walked off and gave up leaving me standing there by myself. Another employee came by and I told her I had been waiting and she said she would send someone right over so again I waited. Now if this had been something for my male self I would have given up and left as this is not good customer service but as I said Susan has my male self wrapped around her finger and he will do almost anything for my female side so I waited.

Finally another employee came along and she seemed to be straightening up the area so I asked her and it turns out she is the one who works in this section and has the key. I told her I had asked several employees who all said they would send her right over and all she said was no one had called her. I had kind of expected at least an, I am sorry you had to wait but it was more she wanted me to know it was not her fault which I already knew. I was at this point a little irritated but I was getting my perfume and although it felt like I had waited an hour it was in reality only about 15 minutes. I headed towards the check stands to but my stuff and head to the mall and by the time I left the store I had forgot about it I mean after all it was only 15 minutes out of my life besides I was hungry and had more shopping to do, as I said I am very good at letting things go and not letting them bother me.

I got to Clackamas Town center and parked by JC Pennies and went in, my first stop was to get some food before I started shopping so I headed towards the food court. I was almost to the food court when I heard people start screaming and all kinds of noise and everyone started running in all directions including towards me. Behind the crowd I could see someone in black and he had a gun and was shooting, I had walked into a bad situation. I was still far enough away and I quickly turned and ran the other way with the rest of the people and made it out of the mall safely but as I thought over it as I was outside with the rest of the people hiding I started thinking about those 15 minutes at Wal-Mart and the bad customer service I had gotten and how lucky I was I had to wait and that I did wait. Otherwise I would have gotten to the mall 15 minutes earlier and I would have been eating in the food court when the shooting started. I doubt if I will ever complain about having to wait again.

I had to stay with all the other people and wait to be interviewed by the police which got me thinking about what if I had gone as Susan. It just goes to show we never know what is going to happen, today, tomorrow or next year. Now this will not in any way change my feelings for being Susan or my going out, as Susan is a big part of who I am but one can’t help but think about it. My thoughts are for those who were not as lucky as I was and for their families.

This blog is for me and hopefully be the only time I need to write about my male side and my future blogs will be back to Susan and about happier things.


December 12, 2012 - Posted by | shopping | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. Oh Susan, thank goodness 15 minutes seemed like forever, but was the best 15 minutes of frustration that worked out good for you.
    Having been thru 2 robberies with gun shown each time, I feel for you!!!!!

    Comment by Alice Green | December 12, 2012 | Reply

  2. WOW…I am so happy that you are OK…be safe my friend!!!

    Comment by akkaren57 | December 12, 2012 | Reply

  3. Susan,
    It was a quirk of fate that you were not in the food court. It was a terrible tradegy. I am so glad you are safe.

    Comment by Julie Taylor | December 12, 2012 | Reply

  4. […] Clackamas Town Center which I have not been to since last year when I had my bad experience which I blogged about and in no way had nothing to do with me not going there. It just happens to be the mall farthest […]

    Pingback by Friday before Christmas with friends « Susanmillers Blog | December 21, 2013 | Reply

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