Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

A little Starbucks time tonight and some thoughts on crossdressing.

Well it is another busy week for both my male and female self; I had not planned on going out last night as Susan and at the last minute went out to dinner with some of my friends. Now it is Thursday which I had planned on going to Starbucks which is where I find myself right now. It was a rush tonight as I got home late so a quick bite to eat and time to start getting ready.

Starbucks is not real busy tonight so not a lot of people watching but gives me a good chance to catch up on e-mails, chat and of course my blog. It is funny some of the e-mails I get from people. I got one recently that was interesting as the crossdresser who sent it started off by telling me how pretty I am and passable and what girl doesn’t want to hear that. The truth is I know I am not passable but I do think of myself as pretty. Any way this got me thinking about how we perceive ourselves and what our goals are. I have many friends in the transgender community and what I have found is almost everyone has different ideas of passing.

When I was young I truly believed I could dress and pass 100% but with age I have come to realize this really is not possible for most crossdressers. What really is important is self acceptance. If we can all learn to accept ourselves for who we are and be okay with it that will show through to other people. I go out a couple times a week and have for the most part not had any problems. I think once I accepted that most people would realize I was male rather quickly and that was okay it really made it more enjoyable and relaxing to go out.

I think if you can come across self-confident and that you are not doing anything wrong or out of the ordinary most people will accept this. In my case I am a crossdresser and only dress this way a couple times a week but people who meet me don’t know that and I am sure that although they know I was not born female are not sure where in the transgender community I fit. After all most crossdressers do not go out so this probably leads most people to think I am either pre-opt or post-opt transsexual and as such they may not know what to say. The Starbuck I come to is a good example; I have never come here other then when I am out as Susan so I am pretty sure they all think I am at least living full time as Susan. They have never asked or said anything and I have never brought it up; after all it is kind of hard to work into a conversation. They accept me as Susan and treat me accordingly and so I am happy. For me I don’t have to be passable and fool people to be happy, if I can go out and have people treat me with respect and as I am presenting myself then I have won and I am passing.

I really think that being happy with your life and having things to look forward to is the key. Growing up I had so much guilt about my crossdressing, this is not what a boy did. I did get rid of my things once or twice growing up and many times promised myself I would never crossdress or put on makeup again but in the end I always went back to it. As time went by and I learned to accept this side of me things became clearer. After all why is it that society can say pink is a girls color and suddenly that is a rule. Pink is just a color like any other color. Society tries to fit everyone into neat little groups and what I have found is not everyone can or should fit into those groups. If a man wants to look pretty is that any different than a woman who doesn’t like to wear dresses or makeup. I have a female friend and no she does not know about Susan, but she almost never wears makeup, maybe a little mascara if she is going out someplace special and she does not own one dress, she has two skirts and the only heels she has in on pair of black heel with about a 1 inch heel which I have only seen her wear once. Now that being said she really is a very pretty woman and no one would every say anything to her about not being feminine. Why is it not the same for a man who maybe wants to wear a little eye shadow or lipstick or maybe a skirt. By the way skirts are actually very comfortable to wear as are dresses.

We as a society need to get past how we look or dress and just accept each other for the person they are. If we were to talk on the phone and you could not see me you would never know I am a crossdresser. You would find I have the same interest as any other man plus a few more as I could also carry on a conversation about fashion and makeup. I really am just your average guy next door with one extra interest in my life. Now think about all the people you know as odds are at least one or a few are crossdresser, transgender or transsexual. Most crossdressers hide this part of their lives very well some even from their wives and girlfriends. Now if you suddenly found out one of your friends were a crossdresser what would you do? Would you end the friendship or could you accept the fact you had a friend who is a crossdresser.

Now here is the fun part as I had someone e-mail me and tell me that if they found out a friend crossdressed that nothing would change and as much as that sounds wonderful the fact is things will change. Even if you are totally okay with it you will treat them a little different as you will have to, when they are dressed you will treat them differently then when they are not and that is good. When I am out as Susan I want to be treated as female and not the same way as I would in my male role and yes this does cause issues. For you who have not thought about it being out as a girl does on occasion attract attention from males. This is probably the hardest thing I had to learn to deal with. As a straight crossdresser I am not the least bit interested in men but I will admit it does make one feel good to get the compliment of being attractive enough for a man to notice but at the same time it is unsettling as even though I am Susan I do not have any attraction for men. I look at it as just part of presenting as female. After all women get compliments all the time from men and that doesn’t mean they are attracted to them, plus women also get compliments from other woman and that is okay so why shouldn’t a man be able to pay a compliment without it being strange or weird. I usually just thank them and I will even talk with them. After all it is the polite thing to do and that is the key to being a lady.

Well I kind of got off track here but if you take nothing else away from this blog other than the fact that as a crossdresser I am just as normal as anyone else I just have this one extra thing I enjoy. I am not asking anyone to run out and try crossdressing or that they suddenly have to be my friend, but just respect my right to live how I want and do the things I enjoy just the same way I respect all of you and the way you live your life.

Thanks for reading.

November 29, 2012 Posted by | Advice and tips, Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Wednesday night out for dinner

Well it is Wednesday night and I really hadn’t planned on going out but Cassandra sent a text to the group and wanted to know if we wanted to put $5 in on some Powerball tickets as a group. The jackpot was 550 million dollars so I figured I had to take a chance. Cassandra was going to buy the tickets all we had to do was get her our money so it was an excuse to go out not that I really needed one. Besides it would be nice to go out to dinner with my awesome friends.

I made it downtown by 6:30 and several of the girls were already there, Chris, Roxy, Michelle, Cristine, Cassandra, Kim, Victoria and Amy. I got Cassandra my $5 and I was in. we had a blast talking about what we would all do if we won the jackpot even though we all knew we probably wouldn’t it was fun to think about it.

Well we all moved to a table and ordered dinner as we kept talking about and having a good time. It was after 7 and Cassandra wanted to check the tickets and I just kept saying let’s wait after all till we checked the tickets we were all winners and having so much fun. Cassandra finally couldn’t take it anymore and went and checked our tickets and we won, well $4 which was better than nothing. Since we had 18 of us put in $5 we had agreed to take our winnings and buy another ticket.

Even though we didn’t win we still had a wonderful time. It was fun to spend some time with them and have a great evening out but as always the night went by so fast. Soon it was after 9 and the group was going over to CC Slaughters and it was time for me to head home. I really do have some awesome friends.

November 29, 2012 Posted by | Fox & Hound | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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