Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Friday night with friends

Well it is Friday night again and Susan can go out. After missing the last 3 Friday nights I was really looking forward to as fun night with all my friends. I have said it before but it is amazing how much a part of my life Susan has become and I am not talking about transitioning but the fact is Susan does account for a big part of who I am. I need to have Susan time on a regular basis. I guess in anything we do we find things we like and are important to us and then if we lose that or can’t do it then it has an effect on us and the same goes for being Susan, I need to be able to express my feminine side. I was e-mailed some questions by Erin Rook a local reporter for PQ Monthly who has wrote a couple stories about our group getting kicked out of the P-Club but in doing her story she realized she knew about the transgender community but not so much about crossdressers and of course I was only too happy to respond.

The question was what do I identify as and she (crossdresser, transgender, transsexual, t-girl, genderqueer, gay, lesbian, queer, etc.) now for me I have never really been big on titles but I gave it my best shot and in my mind you can fit into several categories. First I do think of myself as a crossdresser as I do not want to transition and live full time but it really is more than that to me as it is more to me than simply putting on female cloths. I like to dress completely and present as female. T-girl to me pretty much includes all transgender people so this also fits who I am. Now I am not gay and I will admit when I first started dressing this kind of bothered me that people would think that just because I dressed I would be gay but with time, experience I have come to understand why people think this and have also realized that since I am straight when I am out as Susan I am not interested in men but woman so I guess that would also make me a lesbian in a way as I do take on the female role in the way I act. Transgender is also one of those areas that can be hard to define. If you put gender on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being totally feminine and 10 totally masculine I think most people fall between 3 and 7 so I guess I would be the one right in the middle as I think I have a lot of characteristics of both genders and not really what I would call a dominate. That being said I can modify my actions so as male I suppress the feminine ones and as Susan well you guessed it I suppress the male ones which basically means that as Susan I would be more to the 3 range and as my male self more to the 7 range so really no one can tell. Now I am not sure this is a word but I almost think for me bi-gender would be a better term just because I do switch between genders in the way I act depending on how I present. Which leads to another question is how do you identify and I would say the same goes here, yes I am male and identify that way most of the time but as Susan I take on the feminine roll, I act and present as female and yes I even think that way so when I am Susan I do identify that way as female and that is how I think of myself. Any way I may be in her article in PQ monthly.

Well back to Friday night, I have been looking forward to this night all week so I got home from work around 5 and started to get ready, yes I love the time I spend getting ready as it relaxes me so I don’t mind how long it takes. A nice warm showed and shave and then time for my makeup. When I was satisfied with this it was time to dress and I chose my black dress and heels and was out the door by 6:45. I noticed that the sun has already set by this time and by 7 it is getting pretty dark out, now I really like the summer but yes it is way easier to get out after dark less chance of a neighbor seeing you. We were meeting at Sweethome bar & grill where we have gone several time, the owner actually invited us to come there after he heard about the P-club telling us not to come back. It was early and they weren’t very busy yet, Chris was the only one there from our group so far so we sat and talked for a while, I went ahead and ordered dinner because I was hungry. About 7:45 Cassandra showed up and it was just the 3 of us for a while and Cassandra wondered how many would be out tonight. Well it wasn’t long and others started to show up.

We had a good turnout, 17 that I counted and I am going to try to name them all. Me, Cassandra, Chris, Cristine, Bobbie, Victoria, Jan, Lynn, Lizzy, Michelle, Robin (in boy mode), Cassie, Joan, Jenn, Guinevere, and a couple new girls, Breena and I can’t remember the other, sorry as I am blonde. It was great to have such a big crowd out. I got a chance to talk to Cassandra about Diva Las Vegas as they have put the pictures from last year up. It is funny as we as a group do not take nearly the pictures we took just a year ago. Any way Cassandra told me that we have 4 of us planning on going next year to Diva Las Vegas, her and I along with Cristine and Guinevere.

Any way I did managed to talk with every one there this time probably the only reason this blonde could remember who was all there. It was great to spend time with them after missing so many weekends. Jenn and I had a chance to talk and things are still going well for her. She is transitioning but still not full time yet although she looks awesome and would have no trouble.

Also got to talk with the two new girl’s well they were out last Friday also when I was not. They were both really nice. Breena who is also really passable was awesome to talk with. She just moved here to Portland a couple weeks ago and again a blonde moment as I can’t remember from where she moved. I hope they both come out more and join our group.

Several of our group sang Karaoke including Victoria. I am not sure if this was her first time but was the first time I saw her sing and she was really good. Maybe one of these days I will try it. Well we talked about next weekend and going to Harvey’s Comedy club and I think we already have about 8 planning on going. We also talked about Halloween which is fast approaching and I still don’t have a costume. Funny just s few years ago Susan was my costume but now I need or want a feminine costume so yes that will be my weekend plans to go look at cute costumes for Halloween.

Now tonight I actually got hit on twice by 2 different men who as I said men I am not interested in but I will admit it does give one a self-confidence boost. Actually the first guy I didn’t even realize till lizzy pointed him out. He had had a lot to drink so he may not have been seeing to clear, but he was at a table and smiling at me and lifting up his beer can. Me being blonde just thought he was trying to get the bar tenders attention for another drink till I realized there was no one else around me or behind me. Now by no means am I an expert at picking up woman in a bar but holding up your drink this way is more of a way of saying get me a beer then wow I want to meat you. Any way I smiled back but kept on with my conversation with my friends as I was not interested. The second man was at the bar when I went to pay my bill. He had been sitting there looking towards me but again I really don’t pay attention to the men. He asked if I was leaving and why I hadn’t come over and had a drink with him, he even ask if I wanted a drink. Being late I just said I needed to go when he asked where my husband was. I just smiled and said I didn’t have a husband and actually I was looking for a wife. He accepted this and we chatted a bit while I paid my bill. Now I did look good last night but could they have actually thought I was female, a nice though but more than likely it was the amount of alcohol they had or maybe they just didn’t care. Either way it was flattering in an uneasy way.

Thanks for reading and have a great week


October 6, 2012 - Posted by | Sweethome | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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