Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

A little different blog tonight

Well I have always wondered if people would recognize me but this can be a hard thing to figure out. There is always a risk every time I go out someone who knows me will see me and will they recognize me. For me whenever I look at myself that is what I see male or female I see me. What would others see? My hope is there is enough difference that if see out of the normal way people see me they would not figure it out but how does one find out?

I have asked a few people who know me as Susan but have also seen me as my male self and have heard the answer it would be hard but then again they know both sides of me and have seen both my male and female self so not really a random encounter. So what to do?

There really are just two options. First I could go someplace as Susan where people only know me as my male self and see if they recognize me. This would be a huge risk because if they did then my secret life would be out. The other option would be go someplace where only Susan goes as my male self and see if they recognize me which would be a little safer. So I have thought about going to the Starbucks as my male self just to see but have not been able to work up the courage.

Well tonight I had things I had to do and could not dress as Susan and go to Starbuck’s but as luck would have it I was going to be only a couple miles from the P-Club where I have gone almost every Friday nights for two years as Susan. This was my perfect chance to see what would happen and if they would recognize me in male mode. It was a little before 7 when I got here with my computer in hand and went in.

Cindy was working the bar and I did not see Nicole. I know Cindy as she works some of the Friday nights but Nicole would be the real test as she works almost every Friday. I went ahead and ordered some dinner from Cindy and there was no sign that she recognized me at all, even when she brought my food to the table. I picked a table close to the bar so I was not hiding in the corner. At 7 pm Nicole came in and started work.

Nicole walked by me a couple time and I said hi to her by name and she replied hi back but still didn’t show any sign she knew who I was. So far it was going well. Well I saw Nicole at the bar and went up and ordered another drink from her again calling her by name. She got me my drink and still no sign that she knew who I was. This made me feel good as maybe if I ran into someone they would not know who I was.

Now the big question is what now. As I leave do I tell her who I am? Do I just leave without saying anything? I could tell her I will see her tomorrow night and see if she figures it out. It really is an interesting question. Well whatever I do it has been an interesting hour here and a little strange as this has always been a place just for Susan. Well must be going now, thanks for reading my first blog about being out as my male self.


March 22, 2012 - Posted by | P-Club | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. Hi Susan

    A really interesting read. I think you definitely chose the safest way to check this out, going as male self to a Susan haunt and I am not surprised they didn’t recognise you. I wonder if you did tell anyone on the way out?

    You are so lucky to have so many regular places to go. I have less so haven’t tried anything like this. But we have often stayed in a hotel, gone out with a group of a night and then met them in drab at breakfast the next morning. Some you recognise, some you don’t.

    I remember once spending a couple of hours back in the bar afyet a night out. I’d been chatting a lot to this lovely Irish lady. She saw me at breakfast in drab the next morning and surprised me with, ‘to be sure, I knew you would be a fine figure of a man’. I asked her how she knew and she said she had been looking for me, and it was height, shape of face and a mole on my right cheek!!

    Hugs Tina x

    Comment by TinaCortina | March 23, 2012 | Reply

  2. Hi Susan,

    I think that because the girls that work at the P-Club are more like your friends too, it would have been the ideal time to introduce yourself as Susan’s other half. Then you could have gained some quality feedback.

    Nice that you added an another dimension to your evenings out.

    Hugs, Anna x

    Comment by Anna Arendt | March 25, 2012 | Reply

  3. Susan,

    I think that most people see what they expect to see. While in SF, I live in a large apartment complex. I am sure you have seen pictures while at the P-Club. There are 22 apartments on my floor and I am on the 17’th floor. I recognize many of my neighbors by site, but I do not know which apartment they live in. On occasion, I see people on my floor that I do not recognize. They could be new renters or visitors.

    Initially, I use to worry about my neighbors seeing me entering or exiting my apartment door. Since I don’t socialize with my neighbors, they do not know who lives in my apartment. Now, I do not think that any of my neighbors would think twice if they saw Sophie going in or out of her apartment.

    The one exception is my immediate neighbor. He knows me in male mode. We have bumped into each other and exchanged pleasantries in the hall way to and from the elevator. He has also seen Sophie either entering or exiting the elevator on different floors in the apartment. For Sophie, the most nerve racking moment will be entering or exiting my apartment door when my immediate neighbor is also in the hall way. My anxiety is probably similar to the anxiety you feel leaving your house as Susan and having one of your neighbors seeing you. While waiting in the hall way or in the elevator, I usually pretend that I am looking something up on my phone if I do not want to interact with people.

    In any event, when it does happens, I do not think it will be a big deal because of an awkward encounter he and I had once in the hall way. It was not awkward for me, but very embarrassing for him. I have never brought it up in our encounters in the hallway.

    I conducted a similar test when I first started cross-dressing a couple of years ago. I went in male mode to a lingerie shop where I knew the owner was cross-dresser friendly. I spent a long time talking to her. The next day Sophie went back to her shop. She did not make the connection, until I told her.

    I will be at Cass’s social gathering 4/7. Will you be there? If so, we can continue the discussion. Otherwise, I will see you some night at the P-Club.



    Comment by Sophie | March 26, 2012 | Reply

  4. Hi Susan,

    Very interesting blog tonight. I think it was a great idea and sounds like you had a lot of fun though I know you would have still like to be dressed as Susan. I don’t know what you look like as a male but I am not surprised that you weren’t recognized by Cindy and Nicole who see you on a regular basis. I think women are far more apt to see through our makeup and wig than a male so now you should feel safe to go pretty much anywhere without that fear of recognition.


    Comment by Sandy Craig | April 8, 2012 | Reply

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