Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Beautiful sunny day finished at Starbucks

Well it has been a beautiful day today after some morning clouds. It is funny as I started the week with Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights open for going out all I had to do was pick which one I wanted and then by Tuesday morning the only night I still had open was tonight so Susan is out. It is so funny how things can come up so fast and unexpected. Life really does come at you from all sides and that is why it is so important to have something fun that you really enjoy in your life to relax you. That is what being Susan does for me, no matter how busy, stressed out or problems I face I can always become Susan and for those few hours it all goes away. Now I am not saying everyone should crossdress but everyone should have some way to get away each week for just a few hours. I would highly recommend crossdressing though as it really is fun.

I was reading on a friend’s blog about her view of crossdressing and the different stages we go through from wondering if there is something wrong with us, to not liking being this way, trying to stop and hopefully in the end acceptance. She compared it to a disease. Now I am not sure that is the word I would chose but crossdressing does have a lot of the same characteristics of a disease. For me I know I will never be over my want, need or desire to be Susan so in that way it is the same as living with a disease with no cure, but even if there was a cure I would not want it. I like who I am, my dressing, spending time as Susan does not hurt anyone including me. Yes it does make life hard sometimes but that is also part of the fun. In a way I am like a secret agent living a double life. If you take my life and who I am either in my male life or my female life both sides have had an impact on my life and made me who I am. Without both sides of me I would not be complete. I have friends who have their hobbies and it shapes who they are just the same.

Our lives are always changing, growing and who we are today will effect who we are tomorrow. If we stop growing then we will wither away and die. There are countless studies out that say the way to stay young and healthy is to always try new things, keep learning and expanding who you are. If you have goals, something to look forward to you will always be healthier and happier. When things get me down I can think about the next time I go out and what I will wear or how I will do my makeup and before you know it I have a smile on my face. I am sure people around me wonder what I am thinking that can change my mood so fast.

If I go without having time to be Susan I find I start thinking about it more and more that is the desire I was talking about. Especially at night I find I can’t stop thinking about it and then I have a hard time clearing my mind so I can sleep. Now the nights I spend time as Susan when I get home I am so calm and relaxed I go right to sleep and sleep really great so I know the benefit for me. No matter what you face in life the key is to be happy with who you are. No matter how much money you have or don’t, no matter what job you have or don’t if you can be happy with yourself then you have everything you need. Money, friends, jobs and anything else you have can come and go or be taken away. The one thing that is truly yours and no one can change is who you are. You know the old saying, if someone gives you lemons make lemonade well if someone gives you lipstick put it on and be happy.

No I will admit when I first started dressing I thought it was a curse and would have done anything to stop and be what society calls normal. I can’t tell you how many times I prayed for that but now looking back I see all I would have missed out on. The people I have met along the way. The friends I have made, some of my best friends in the world are really friends of Susan and had it not been for her I would not know them and I that would be a huge hole in my life.

It is strange that you can meet someone maybe only once or twice and have a bond with them because you share something so unique and special. Part of the fun of being at Starbucks is chatting online with friends, some I have never even met in person and yet there is a bond. Now with all that said there are still challenges and parts of my life that are made harder with Susan in it but I think the good parts far out way the bad parts besides everything in life has good and bad. Having a car is great as you have freedom, you can go anyplace you want whenever you want but you also have to pay for the car, gas, insurance and upkeep but again the good out ways the bad. The key is to find balance, as in anything in your life. I love chocolate but if I eat too much Susan gets fatter and if I keep eating I get an upset stomach. So I limit how much chocolate I eat. Same goes for Susan. I really enjoy my time out as Susan but I also know I need my male side, work, friends of my male side, family and there are things I like to do that would not be as easy to do as Susan. So I set limits, 2 or maybe 3 times a week for me is a good balance.

The other thing I have thought about is being Susan is fun and special and part of that is I look forward to that time. If I was Susan all the time then it would not be special and would become routine and I think for me that would spoil it for me.

Wow got off on a tangent there. Well Starbucks is pretty quiet tonight, maybe 8 others here. I think everyone is out enjoying the nice evening outside. The rest of the week will be busy but I will be out on Friday again at the P-Club. This week Cassandra will not be out as her and her wife Peggy are going away for the weekend so not sure how many will come out. I hope a lot will as it would be great to have another big group. I will have to make a couple posts to our group to try and get people out. Any way I will post again this weekend, have a great rest of the week and thanks to all who stop by and read.


July 26, 2011 - Posted by | Advice and tips, Starbucks | , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. Well, we definitely agree that we like CHOCOLATE!!! 🙂 I think it is really fun to read other people’s opinions, especially on the subject of crossdressing, because for the most part, you can find a little bit of you in what they write, but we all definitely have our own take on what it is and what it means to us.


    Comment by Alexis Alexandra | July 27, 2011 | Reply

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