Susanmillers Blog

My life as a heterosexual crossdresser.

Friday night @ P-club talk should you tell your spouse.

Well another fun Friday night out with my friends. This week we all went to the P-club formerly known as Portsmouth. They changed their name and menu to try to bring in more business. They still have good food but I liked their pizza and especially their cheesy bread better. As for business they did seem busier then they have been in the past although can’t say for sure if it was the name change and new menu, only time will tell on that. I got there about 7:40 and Cassandra, Wilma, Michele and Steph were already there and had a couple tables over by the pool tables so I joined them. So nice to go out and know your friends will be there. By 8 Cristine and Chris had shown up and that was it for our group, one of our smaller turnouts, not sure why although Saturday night 16 of us are going to Harvey’s comedy club again for their show so maybe some decided to go out on Saturday night instead. I got lucky and was able to call in a favor and get someone to cover me for Saturday night so I will also go out and enjoy the comedy club which is always fun. Although we didn’t have a big turnout it was nice as it made it easier to chat with everyone in the group and we could all join in on one conversation.

I got a chance to talk a little with Steph, she is new to the group joined about 6 months ago and this was her first time out with the group although she has gone out before on her own. She seemed really nice and I hope she continues to come out and join us. Her only hold back is her wife does not know so she can’t get out as often as she would like. We played some pool and I won a game against Cassandra, well she scratched on the 8 ball but it still counts as a win. My next game against Michele I lost but came close to winning. We did have fun but didn’t play as much pool as normal instead we had some good conversation you know girl talk and what could be more fun. Some of the conversation was pretty involved from politics to Dinosaurs to outer space and UFO; I know not what you would expect us to talk about but still fun. Probably the most interesting conversation was around how some of the girls told their partners and if and when you should tell so I thought I would give my thoughts on this.

Now just so everyone knows I am not married but hope to some day and I did come close a couple times, so please keep in mind I have never truly faced telling a spouse. Now for me my dressing was not the reason I broke up with anyone and although I never told any of the woman I dated I did hint at it to gage how they might react as for me I would have to tell the woman I was going to marry beforehand. Of course that is what I know and believe now as I know I will never stop being Susan part time, she is part of me and what make me who I am.

Now some of the girls in the group have come out to their wives and as you would expect some went really well and others did not and ended in divorce which is sad but something you must be aware of if you plan on telling your spouse. There are also those who never tell their spouses, we have a few girls in our group that only come out when their wives are out of town and this works for them. I guess the big question is how much of a part of your life is being a t-girl. For me a couple years ago going out 3 to 4 times a year and dressing around the house when I could was fine and I was happy. Now the time I dress at home is nice but nothing like going out and twice a week works wonderful for me, for one it breaks up my week and helps relax me and gives me something to really look forward to which I believe is healthy for a person. Everyone has their own needs and has to decide if and when they want to tell their souse and I guess the biggest factor would be how much this impacts your spouse. Now for me what I feel would be right for my life is this and remember this is my opinion only and how it applies to me.

When I was younger I thought if I met that right person I would stop being Susan, now I know that won’t happen. For a brief while I thought I would just hide it and only dress occasionally but Susan is too big a part of my life to do that so I would feel I have to tell them before. But when, before the marriage, engagement or early on in dating. Well I guess as time has passed for me it has gotten earlier in the relationship. Now right now I am not seeing anyone so it is easy for me to say this. For me I would think early in my relationship would be best, not as soon as I meet the person but once you feel there could be something more permanent between me and her. That is when I think (would want to) tell her if I didn’t chicken out. The reason for me are these, do I want to put the effort and work into a relationship (relaitionionships take a lot of work if they are going to last) on to find at some point something I hid ended it, seems like a waste of time. Also for me Susan would have an impact on any woman I might be involved with as Susan is as much a part of my life and who I am as my male self and I know that will always be so just hiding her in the closet would not work for me. so right now not being involved with anyone I think I would tell them as soon as I felt we were getting to be more than just friends, easy to say right now.

The last reason is the biggest and that is fear of this part of my life getting out. Now it is true once you tell someone you have no control over who finds out, but early on in the relationship I think would be better. First you are being honest and open and the woman I am seeing would not have that deep involvement yet so there wouldn’t be the hurt feelings as much as if you wait till later. Now don’t get me wrong she will either hate this part of which I am, tolerate it or maybe hopefully like it but whatever the outcome I think earlier is better. Early in the relationship she can decide if she can live with this part of me or walk away. Once you get deep into the relationship or even get married she may feel trapped or that if you lied about this else have you lied about and if there is a break up she is way more likely to tell people about this part of my life. Early in relationships that end most people don’t even bother with the question why and usually the answer is “well it just wasn’t right or we needed different things”. On the other hand in divorces everyone usually plays the blame game as you have friends together you are trying to keep, maybe children and of course the money and property so if you can blame the other person and make yourself look the best that is what you do. I really believe in this situation anyone would tell as the goal is make the other person look bad.

So I guess for me my best hope would be meet a woman while I am out as Susan that way she knows from the start but I realize this probably won’t happen and with that said Right know I plan on telling any woman I might date as soon as I feel we may have something long term. I would love to hear from others and see what their thoughts are and how you have dealt with this in your life as it might give me a better understanding on marriage as I have never been married yet. Would also love input from any genetic woman out there as you are the ones who really hold the key to understanding this issue for me.

Have a wonderful weekend all. One last thing, someone found the link to the t-girl group I belong to and joined from my blog which is wonderful so I thought I would put the link again Rose_City_T-Girls in case anyone else would like to join. Please check it out and read the membership requirements as there are not many but they are enforced.


October 16, 2010 - Posted by | Advice and tips, Portsmouth Pizza & Pub, Rose_City_T-Girls | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. Hi Susan

    Glad you had a nice night out. Sometimes, just a chill-out night and chatting is as much fun as you need.

    Yes I do hope you meet someone when you are out; that would be best, otherwise you will meet them as a guy and I would think very quickly have to make the choice between going out at w/e’s as Susan or telling them that there is something important in your life that you want to continue.

    If you meet them as a guy, let them get to know you, then just come straight out and say you have a sensitive side and see how it goes.

    Good luck, I hope you find your life partner before too long.


    Tina xx

    TinaCortina xx
    Tina’s blog

    Comment by TinaCortina | October 16, 2010 | Reply

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